Hello,

I thought I would write about my situation and hope for some advice. Here goes

I moved to the UK from America to be with my husband. This could turn into a terribly long story but I will try to be brief. Basically he is not the same person I met. I have been here for almost two years. I don't know anyone. I stay at home with my children. My husband has on occasion stopped buying us food because things were not going well between him and I and has said he will leave. (If he leaves then my visa will not be renewed and I will have to leave the country.. If I was forced to leave then I would be homeless in America as I do not know anyone nor do I have family) I feel that my husband is using his power to get what he wants. I can't really disagree with him much because he might become too distraught and not be able to handle things and leave. In the past he has threatened suicide if I leave. (He said he would kill himself if I didn't come here before we were married.. I know I should have seen it coming then but I didn't) He had an organ transplant when he was young and has stopped his medication when things were shaky between us. Right now I am not sure why he has stopped taking them. I am quite confused and struggle with depression. My previous partner did a number on my head and myself confidence is still pretty shaken. I just don't know what to do. I want to leave but I don't want to put my kids (and myself) through the hell of not having a home. I hate my husband sometimes. I feel manipulated. I feel like he sabotages things.. for example I gave up school when I came here with the understanding that I would start once I was here... He does everything to make sure the means are not there. It's very hard to explain exactly what he does which is extremely frustrating. I hope I have made a little sense here.

Thanks anyone for any advice you can throw my way.

Yes I think I can help you there. Look your husband sounds like a mean person. Not buying food for the kids because of you. That is his problem that you are mad at him.( not that I am blaming you) he has done things that has mad you mad at him and he is taking it out of you and the kids which is not right. I would try seeing a marriage counselor and maybe he needs to go to therapy to get rid of his anger. Although leaving your country before you finish school was a bad idea though. Because if he does leave you, you will be able to try to get a good paying job that can get you a home and food for you and your family. I hope this can help. Ask me for more help if it does not help.

Dear Can'tGiveYouMyName, Your description of what is happening is quite clear and I understand why it's difficult to put it into words. A lot of what is happening probably makes no sense to some people. But you are making sense to me. Your husband is a classic emotional abuser. (I was married to one, too.) You need to get away from him, but in a safe way. His threats of suicide are a bad sign that he could be violent (if hasn't been already). You should not rule out the possibility that he could become violent. I agree with Necrolicmon that you need help, but I disagree about going to see a marriage counselor. I think that is a BAD idea, because your husband will likely manipulate the counselor into thinking he is fine and you are the one with the problem. It could make things worse, and it's very unlikely to improve things.

Instead, try to make contact with a organization that helps battered women or a national domestic abuse hotline
Women's Aid in the United Kingdom Women's Aid - Homepage (http://www.womensaid.org.uk/)
Telephone: 0808 2000 247

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in the U.S.

Good luck! Keep reaching out for help. Do not let him continue to isolate you. But do be careful about your safety and that of your children. He may be capable of hurting them in his efforts to control you. You need to carefully formulate an escape plan from this man and there are people who can help you. You are right not to give your name and to try to conceal from him that you are trying to get help. Don't tell him about your desire to escape him! But do keep trying. You have my support and admiration.
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