Hi everyone, My ex left me a little over a month ago and I found out he was seeing this sluttish girl. Well I found out last week he moved in with her about 3-4 weeks ago. 2 days ago he started calling me. I didn't answer the phone so today I got a dozen roses delivered and on the card it read, I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made, being with her, living with her and breaking your heart. I love you so much but didn't realise it then. Please forgive me, and Please marry me.

OMG are you seriouse!!
Do not get back with him he'll think he can do it time and time again
Trust me I've given one to many chances and they just take advantage of it

But what if he's for real??

hi everyone, My ex left me a little over a month ago and I found out he was seeing this sluttish girl. Well I found out last week he moved in with her about 3-4 weeks ago. 2 days ago he started calling me. I didn't answer the phone so today I got a dozen roses delivered and on the card it read, I'm sorry for the mistakes i've made, being with her, living with her and breaking your heart. I love you so much but didn't realise it then. Please forgive me, and Please marry me.
Wow, good for you... but do still want him back?
If he is really sincere and you still love him so much then try getting back together...

He left you and now this slut has probably been rooting around on him and he has realised she has another guy so he decides to run back to old reliable who is still waiting for him on hands and knees. He treated you like a dog and left , he had no feelings or took your feelings into consideration. I could underrstand if he needed some time to evaluate the relationship but to just hook up and move in with some girl , well if he really thought you were the one then he would not have gone to another. Dou you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who chos se someone else over you then found out they wernt that great. His only coming baclk so he doesn't have to be on his own. She has probably been out rooting around and he only wants you back for security... If he did it once he will do it again. If he really wanted to marry you he wouldn't have done this in the first place...

My best friend did something like your ex. He was dating this wonderful girl, one I think he should have been with forever. But anyway, he was even more crazy than your ex. He went on a vacation for about two weeks, met some chick at a bar, "fell in love with her" and came back from his vacation and broke it off with the girl he should have stayed with. Anyway, all of us told him he was absolutely absurd. I still tell him that he let his wife get away and lost her forever.

Anyway, the girl he met while he was on vacation dumped him on NYE for some guy she met at a club or something. My best friend started dating the girl that he broke up with and they became a couple again. It ended in disaster two months later. He broke it off. His actions had made her so paranoid about his ability to stay faithful, she literally lost her mind worrying about if he would leave her again. Anyway, they finally broke up.

She has now happily moved on and is dating someone new who she may end up marrying. My best friend is single, and is definitely sad that he made that relationship go down the drain.

He is my best friend, but if I were a woman, I would never date him. He is selfish, clueless, and hurtful. But he is still my best friend, he is just flawed when it comes to relationships.

Your ex reminds me of my best friend. I'd move on. I don't think you'll ever be able to trust him fully again.

--Cali

One attorney, one marriage contract agreement, one wedding and maybe one happy couple. Be sure both parties sign the contract. Good luck.

I say leave him to his slut!

Eww run! Thαts αll I hαve to sαy

Do you want him back? Who knows what he will bring back to you being he has been roaming for a while...

Hun he isn't for real his saying this beacause he wants you back!!
And he may be thinking if his really nice to you askes you to marry him you'd think he was being seriouse chances are yous get back together you'll never here that question and hill leave you again. Trust me they honestly think if they do it once they can do it again its like oh yeah cool she's taken me back I can do it again and she'll still take me back...

In the end can't hurt giving him another go. He may break your heart again. You may be just too scared to find some decent guy who will love you forever and not cheat on you. Why would he go on holidays and cheat will you ever trust him again!?

How hard will it be kowing he met another cjhick at a bar and could so easily toss you aside...

I think you will go back to him... WEAk...
All girls are weak get a spine and dump this jerk1!!

Even better get him back give him a night to remember. Get him over put on some sexy clothes give him a hughe blow job. Then in the morning get up and tell him YOUR not the one I want to marry its best if we go our own way, I deserve a better guy and I know I will find one! Br Build him up and then break his heart REVENGE is SWEET

He probably realized that the grass was not greener in the other yard, but I would not trust him to not go sniffing in another yard again. He blew it.
Look at it this way, not only did he leave you, but he moved in with the girl. This was not a little fling.
Take him back if you want, (I wouldn't) but if he strays again, you more or less told him he can and then come back if things don't work.

Saraspiel there is nothing wrong with a bit of revenge, you just need to lighten up. Hell she's thinking about taking him back after his been bending some HO over so she has no self respect anyway so she may as well do it...

Look at it this way he will come back and start bending her over and while there at it if she is taking this creep back why noit invite the other Ho over and he caan do both of them and then she may realise what kind of a jerk off she is going to spend her life with...

I agree with everyone on here.

What is to stop him from doing this again? Did he leave you for this other girl? How long were you two together? How old are both of you?

My guess is that he will be a "grass is greener" guy unless he seeks professional help to help him understand what is wrong with him that he cannot be satisfied with what he has. You realize that marriage does not stop people from cheating and if this is who he is then it will just a pattern.

I think you will go back to him... WEAk...
All girls are weak get a spine and dump this jerk1!!!

Even better get him back give him a night to remember. get him over put on some sexy clothes give him a hughe blow job. Then in the morning get up and tell him YOUR not the one i want to marry its best if we go our own way, I deserve a better guy and i know i will find one!! Br Build him up and then break his heart REVENGE is SWEET

You're showing your angry, bitter and twisted side mac. You've been hurt by women and you think the answer is games and revenge. It's a sad and lonely world if you live with that bitterness.

We all agree that he isn't worth getting back with, even you do, but there is no need to go on like that to the poster.

Revenge actually shows how weak you are mac. You are weak if you think revenge is worthwhile. And it shows what a loser you are with no life that you can't move onto, instead being hung up and angry with someone from the past. Get over it and move on!

Well i suppose i am a bit bitter on occasions i have every right to be sick of being walked on my these uncaring females, about time they get there own back. There all sweet and innocent when nothing goes right for them. Maybe she wasn't giving him enough satisfaction in the bedroom, im just trying to let her know where she may have gone wrong. He might like a biit more spiced up action which he got from the new ho.

All said and done she will ba taking him back im 99% sure of this. The poster came here asking for advice and has been toild on numerous occasions not to take hoim back but you are all wasting your time cause we all know she is going to take the jerk back... why doesn't she come back here oin a week times and let us know what is going on heel she may as well just tell us right now i reckon she has already takken him back. Id have my money on he willhave her pants around her anklles tonight! Where has the poster gone is this correct have you taken him back!!

Perhaps its you mac. If you keep getting walked on perhaps the problem is the women you choose. Perhaps you are too keen to choose a women who is quick to drop her panties for you instead of actually getting to know them.

OH MY GOD!! And that's all I have to say about that.

Hey Mac, why the hell are you so pissed off at her? She has done nothing to you. Hey I'm sorry you've been treated so bad in your relationships but if she takes him back or not I can't see how that would effect you in any way, shape or form.

Just giving my opinion ithought that's what she wanted.

She is on here asking for advice to a question which she already has the answer too...

She is taking him back and she already has most likely...

Not enough love in the world to take back a guy who has be bending over the town HO
!! What is everyoine going to think of her now!! Just giving my input you and her can take it whichever way you like. She will be back with him in a week and probably back on here within 4 months complaining or maybe infected with some ho virus!!

Glad I could be of assistance in this case!!

Im still waiting to hear what the result of this is what was the outcome? Please advicse us all DJ thanks...

Look mac, you have a right to your opinion, that being said I think you're taking this a little bit personally, She hasn't even said she was going to forgive him and take him back. She was just relaying what had happened with the roses. But I think if you look back at some other peoples posts that in most cases they are very hurt in the beginning and they all wanted their ex's back at first. It takes time to be strong enough to say no to the person you love and have shared many years with. It has nothing to do with backbone it is just raw emotions talking and I think pretty much all of us have been there. And if you didn't feel that way in the first few weeks then maybe you weren't in love with that person to begin with.

Just giving my opinion ithought thats what she wanted.

She is on here asking for advice to a question which she already has the answer too....

She is taking him back and she already has most likely...

Not enough love in the world to take back a guy who has be bending over the town HO
!!! What is everyoine going to think of her now!!! Just giving my input you and her can take it whichever way you like. She will be back with him in a week and probly back on here within 4 months complaining or maybe infected with some ho virus!!!!!!

Glad i could be of assistance in this case!!!!

Im still waiting to hear what the result of this is what was the outcome?? Please advicse us all DJ thanks...

Mckenzie, for your information I haven't had any contact with my ex. I haven't answered his calls or responded to the roses or the purposal. I can see that you are sure fired up about it though. It almost seems as though your heart is on the line here instead of mine. I haven't even came close to forgiving him for "Bending over the town HO" as you so tastefully put it. And as for saying I should invite her over so he could bend us both was a FUK'd up thing to say. IF and I say IF I take him back that's my call and not yours. And yes I did come here to ask advice, BUT I asked advice from relationship experts, NOT YOU!! If I ever need advice on how to hate women you will be the first one I call. After all aren't you the President of the He Man Women Haters Club? One more thing if you hate women so much have you ever considered the fact that you may be GAY?

What is going on here? These posts do not sound like you at all mckenzie. This is beyond crude and extremely inappropriate.

Sounds like somebody is having a bad day.

What is going on here? These posts do not sound like you at all mckenzie. This is beyond crude and extremely inappropriate.

I agree GlindaofOz, I'm not sure what set him off here. But I don't think I deserve his rude comments.

Heck no Honey! You sure do not.

Without a doubt you never said you were going to go crawling back. You clearly just needed to get some perspective with the help of other people - nothing wrong with that.

Heck no Honey! You sure do not.

Without a doubt you never said you were going to go crawling back. you clearly just needed to get some perspective with the help of other people - nothing wrong with that.

Thank you GlindaofOz, I don't think I could ever take him back. I just want to know how do I forget what a great 5 years we had? I know his betrayal is a good start but all I can seem to remember is how great we were and how happy I was. The good seems to over shadow the bad.

Thank you GlindaofOz, I don't think I could ever take him back. I just want to know how do I forget what a great 5 years we had? I know his betrayal is a good start but all I can seem to remember is how great we were and how happy I was. The good seems to over shadow the bad.


To be honest fixate on the bad. Fixate on how he left you for some seriously sketchy girl and was willing to throw away everything good, wonderful and loving he had with you for some nookie. Anytime you float back to some lovely moment let the image of him kicking you to the curb for the "town bicycle" ;)

Remember you deserve someone who would not throw away 5 years for a mistake. Remember that you are a great person who has lots of love in them and deserve someone who won't run out of steam.

To be honest fixate on the bad. Fixate on how he left you for some seriously sketchy girl and was willing to throw away everything good, wonderful and loving he had with you for some nookie. Anytime you float back to some lovely moment let the image of him kicking you to the curb for the "town bicycle" ;)

Remember you deserve someone who would not throw away 5 years for a mistake. Remember that you are a great person who has lots of love in them and deserve someone who won't run out of steam.

See GlindaofOz that's the kind of expert advice I came here for. Not the crude comments of a jaded person that only seems to be here to make people in pain feel bad about themselves Thank You!

No problem. Glad to help.

My take on it is this: IF you all were soulmates, it would be done in a conversation. A request to talk. A connection that was adult-like and meaningful. The flowers are super-cool and very romantic - but he's NOT THERE....sort of metaphorical huh?

You are empty-handed.

So, if you were to say yes, how long would it take you to forgive him?
Could you?
Is him running off with someone else really worth it to you still?
If so, maybe a conversation is in order. Or at least a letter from him.

But roses, smell good for a week and then they...die.

Is there life left in you?
If so, and you can forgive, see what he'll do next. He will do something.
If not, a polite: "it's too late for roses" is probably in order.

Sounds like you still love him in some way, but pretty disenchanted. And rightfully so!!
I know this is all real tough.


Hang in there!

What comes around goes around comes around goes around..
I'm waiting for the same thin gto happen to my ex, hope he gets dumped!

Good for you DJ for sticking to no contact..

A friend of mine was in a similar sitution recently after 6 year relationship, he began sleeping around and suddenly when she quit the contact he started saying he wanted to marry her.In fact she got an investigator and it turned out he was still sleeping around with a different girl every night...

She continued with no contact and blocked his phone calls , changed email , moved country..

So please keep no contact... he will repeat the same.

You need time to heal, he needs time to repair himself.

If he sent roses, he ain't done.

Sit back and really weigh this, now that you are in the driver's seat.
If I dumped a girl and I wanted her back for life I would do more than roses...

In my experience, all ex's come back if you treated them well and did a few "other things"
This is 100% predictable. The issue is YOU now... Can you love and trust him? I'd take many months to sort that one out.

Most exs cirlce back there was only a matter of time till he came to his senses. Obviously you are a wonderful irl who treated him well and he has taken you for granted. This happens when a guy is in a great relationship and no doubt he loved you but because he was so comfortable he falls into the thoughts of well I might give that a go as well. He then realises what he has given up because he no longer has it. Most humans are the same and this is the reason exs return, they did not leave a relationship they were unhappy with they left one because they were comfortable. Instead of using his brain and telling himself I have a great relationship I have been in for a while, of ourse the excitement is not going to be as high as when you guys first met but he needs to understand he has a great relatioinship. Problem is to many people don't think realistically and they think excitement and new HELL everyone likes to test drive a new car but if you already havea great one why not stop for a sec and ralisie what you are driving before you jump behind the wheel of a new one and then realise it drives pretty much the same as the old one and then aftera few test drives it lso starts to have a few fsulta and then you realise the old car with the added extras is all that you needed to be happy so you run back to the old car and realise the doors ate locked and sometimes it has a new owner. You try to get it back but its not happy you abandoned it for another. So then you want it back even more, you call the locksmith you read the manual anything to get the car back!!

He obviously realised the new one was no different but exciting to begin with but in life you want a lasting one and I suppose that's where he realises like many exs do once the excitement dies down they want to return to comfortable because they wernt thinking with there head they were just thinking theyy want something new...

It's the ones who can think beyond this ppoint and have great values and beliefs who know what they have in the first place who hold onto what they have to begin with...

I know he wants you back there is no doubt of this and let me tell you the roses are not the enfof this he will try more and more and in the end you will give it another go. Probably. 5 years is a longtime you say well he didn't think it was worth it when he left did he??

Your problem is at the moment you are feeling alone and ot as happy as you were when you were in the relationship but now you are on your own the world is looking differently you are thinking maybe I can just go back to what I new before. Maybe you can but will you be happy, what if you found someone else who would stick by you forever wouldn't that be a great life wouldn't hat be someone you can grow with someone you can trust someone you can grow old with and not resent for what they have done.

Its your choice and you may try I'm again, it may work I may not. I know one thing if you went out tomorrow and met an amazing guy and started seeing him you would wonder why you even thougt about letting the ex back but we all know it isn't that easy but its a lot easier to just go back to the reliable one...

hi everyone, My ex left me a little over a month ago and I found out he was seeing this sluttish girl. Well I found out last week he moved in with her about 3-4 weeks ago. 2 days ago he started calling me. I didn't answer the phone so today I got a dozen roses delivered and on the card it read, I'm sorry for the mistakes i've made, being with her, living with her and breaking your heart. I love you so much but didn't realise it then. Please forgive me, and Please marry me.
All I have to say about that is: HOLEY CRAP!!

If he sent roses, he ain't done.

Sit back and really weigh this, now that you are in the driver's seat.
If I dumped a girl and I wanted her back for life I would do more than roses....

In my experience, all ex's come back if you treated them well and did a few "other things"
This is 100% predictable. The issue is YOU now....Can you love and trust him? I'd take many months to sort that one out.


Very excellent advice Ash. I agree 100%

First of all, good job with not answering his calls, that must have been tough... I think there's 2 ways to look at this... One, he's being honest and truly loves you and maybe he realized how much he wants you in his life and he made a mistake, or Two, things with the "slut" didn't work out or wasn't as good as he thought it would be and is trying to crawl back until the next "slut" comes alone, either way you should really think about what you want and if your willing to trust him again.

I can't see falling for his act again. Let him give the roses to his slut, and marry her. It would save a lot of misery on your part.

Good point tal. Keep your head up DJ. If it didn't happen now, it would have sometime in the future. It is better for it to happen now then after many years of marriage. You have a chance to find someone that is truly meant for you, not someone that gives up 5+ years in a relationship for a fling. Go be happy DJ... you deserve the best!

Take the roses give them to his new girlfriend, may as well let her have the card.

Roses instead of him? They die in a week and what have you got? nada.

Weak on him. Again... Bummer.

Sorry.

(look forward to what he may do next)

Well if you marry him I'll give you the calling card of the best psychiatrist I know. Not really of course, but you get the idea I hope? I'd accept the roses and just reply with a simple "Thank You, it was very thoughtful but of course I'm not going to marry you." Now he may try to win you back and if you want to let him wine and dine you a little bit that's fine, but let's face it, this leopard isn't going to change his spots anytime soon. Don't rob yourself of the chance of finding a truly good, upstanding man to marry by settling for this loser and falling for his sweet talk.

But what if he's for real????????????
Trust me, he's not for real.

All girls are weak get a spine and dump this jerk1!!
It isn't true that all girls are weak but I agree that the OP does need to get a backbone in this case and, as you said, dump him like a hot potato.


Even better get him back give him a night to remember. Get him over put on some sexy clothes give him a hughe blow job. Then in the morning get up and tell him YOUR not the one I want to marry its best if we go our own way, I deserve a better guy and I know I will find one! Br Build him up and then break his heart REVENGE is SWEET
I won't add to the reddies but this I disagree with. Why should she leave him with such a wonderful "night to remember?" Now, if she persuades him to give her oral sex for their last night together, then gives him your little recommended speech, not even waiting for the following morning, now that'd be a grand way for her to end it with him.

saraspiel there is nothing wrong with a bit of revenge, you just need to lighten up. Hell she's thinking about taking him back after his been bending some HO over so she has no self respect anyway so she may as well do it...
See, the idea is for her to get the last bit of fun out of the whole thing. That's why I suggested that she should get him to pleasure her for their "last hurrah", rather than vice-versa. Or a fancy wine-and-dine meal on him at her favorite five-star restaurant or something like that ; then she drops the bomb on him and says adios! And means it!

wELL I SUPPOSE I AM A BIT BITTER ON Occasions I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE SICK OF BEING WALKED ON MY THESE UNCARING FEMALES, ABOUT TIME THEY GET THERE OWN BACK. THERE ALL SWEET AND INNOCENT WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT FOR THEM. MAYBE SHE Wasn't GIVING HIM ENOUGH SATISFACTION IN THE BEDROOM, iM JUST TRYING TO LET HER KNOW WHERE SHE MAY HAVE GONE WRONG. HE MIGHT LIKE A BIIT MORE SPICED UP ACTION WHICH HE GOT FROM THE NEW ho.
Had to spread it, or, unfortunately, you'd have gotten a reddie from me on this one. Blaming her for his actions is wrong and totally off the mark. She is not in any way to blame. You were on the right track for a while but this goes astray.

Some people, when they lose something great realize it when they don't have it anymore. And maybe it took a slut to knock that in to him. I wouldn't rush a marriage but maybe give him another chance to see what comes of him. Do you love him? Did you have a good or bad relationship? Maybe the things that needed work and communication is given another chance. If you feel good about it then maybe you should consider the second chance. Did he treat you good or bad? Ask yourself these questions then make you choice. I want everyone to know that there is a choice in everything you do.

Hmmm -
I think we need to see what Mr. Roses does next...
It would have to be quite an eloquent thing - and it seems DJ has been quiet on this for a while...

I have very little patience with people that make quick reactionary decisions, especially in serious matters of the heart.

Yes people make mistakes, we're all human, not one is perfect and I don't think we should ever expect perfection from anyone. But reactionary decisions generally prove to be stupid. "And you can't deal with stupid, anything but "stupid"--in fact you can't even scrub stupid off."

I believe some people like your ex-boyfriend are excitement junkies. They will never be happy or satisfied with what they have. Always following the thought that there's got to be something better. Even to the extent of finding fictitious fault to support their reasoning. Possibly some sort of personality/behavioral problem? People like this usually think only "in the moment" and don't consider the consequences. If every man and woman acted on ALL the thoughts, feelings or desires they have there would be no order.

He left you, probably without much thought about how you felt, only to satisfy his "whim." Put aside your old feelings and thoughts about how he was in the past. His action (his "stupid" decision) speaks to who he really is and I would seriously question his attempt at redemption.

I guess I am not as liberal in my thoughts of giving second chances, although I have given many in the past. Almost all of those ended exactly as I feared they would. Usually nothing was learned. ( Although my mom always said: "to forgive is divine... )

I agree with most of the people who have advised you to move on. The past may have been good before this happened, but now he has exposed who he really is. And probably who he will remain.

I wish you luck,

Stringer

I have to say that my heart skipped a beat when I read your post. I would love for that to happen to me, because my ex left me as well. But I assure you that I would have obsessive thoughts about how he left me, if we ever got back together (and it wouldn't be a surprise if you've been discarded for trailer-trash).

So, the only way I think this would work is if he shows you that he is absolutely, down-in-the-dirt, and eternally sorry. He has to prove to you, especially when you are so “unsure”, that you are the woman of his life! If he wants you bad enough, he will go through all the lengths you need to feel secure again. And then it just might work.

I really do hope there's a happy ending. If there isn't one here, there'll be one somewhere else for you.

I have to agree with stringer... everyone makes mistakes. Heck, you may even wonder what is on the other side of the fence... but to truly act on it without thinking it through is just irresponsible and cruel. When he made his decision to act on his whim, he never even thought of your feelings. He was only thinking with one thing. Do you really want to be with a man that is so impulsive that he will make such BIG decisions without even caring about your feelings? I would actually suggest just ignoring him... if you try to get revenge... you may lose your nerve and end up taking him back. Ignore him for a while until you are strong enough to face the situation, then... feel free to give him a run for his money. Have him take you out to dinner at your favorite EXPENSIVE restaurant, tell him that you truly adore a really EXPENSIVE purse, etc. Be strong girl. Remember, YOU DESERVE THE BEST!! When you feel yourself want him back... remember how hurt you were when you found out he was gallavanting around. Remember how betrayed you felt? Do you honestly think that you can trust someone after something like that? Sure, if you got back together, you may really try to trust him. But after about a year, you would be analyzing his every move to try to prove to yourself that he had changed. Is that really a way to live? Trust is a very fragile and precious thing. It is very difficult to earn back once it has been broken, because there will ALWAYS be a piece of that trust that will always be broken.

some people, when they lose something great realize it when they dont have it anymore. and maybe it took a slut to knock that in to him. i wouldnt rush a marriage but maybe give him another chance to see what comes of him. do you love him? did you have a good or bad relationship? maybe the things that needed work and communication is given another chance. if you feel good about it then maybe you should consider the second chance. did he treat you good or bad? ask yourself these questions then make you choice. i want everyone to know that there is a choice in everything you do.

We had a wonderful relatonship and he was very good to me. Then boom he left and took up with a ho. I never saw it coming. But I want you all to know that I have NOT contacted him still and if he wants to prove anything to me it will take a lot more then some roses to get me to listen to him. So the answer is STILL NO CONTACT ON MY PART. I'm sure he has realized he has lost something great and now he has to kick himself in the a$$ for letting me go.

We all no you will take him back in the end and well as much as I am against this you will tell yourself maybe he did need to realise what he had and maybe you say now he has.

What you are doing at the moment is feeling better cause you know that he wants to come back. You are now playing games with him because you know he wants to come back but you are making out as if he will have to prove to you that he really does want you back. I know he will the roses are not the last you will hear from this guy. What I would like to know though is while he is not with you at the moment and wants to come back is he still with her?? Waiting to see if you will take him back and if not he will remain with her...

Or is his reason for wanting you back only cause she kicked him out so therefore you are his second choice and just a fallback until he finds another.

Saying he wants to marry you, marriage is for wwhen you are in love with someone not when you leave them for another and then realise you want to marry them, This guy is a long way from marriage material..

Imagine this people say why did you decide to get married! Well I took off with the town Ho and then decided it wasn't that grreat so thought id get maried to my ex!!

Where as it should be well we are best friends and I would go to the end of the earth for her so we are going to get married after having such a great relationship together...

Good luck whatevr you do. I give it anooither 3 weeks till you take him back and I do not blame you for giving it another go it is the human response to take someone back after such a loss effects your thinkingand all you want to do is fix what is broken...

We all no you will take him back in the end and well as much as i am against this you will tell yourself maybe he did need to realise what he had and maybe you say now he has.

What you are doing at the moment is feeling better cause you know that he wants to come back. You are now playing games with him because you know he wants to come back but you are making out as if he will have to prove to you that he really does want you back. I know he will the roses are not the last you will hear from this guy. What i would like to know though is while he is not with you at the moment and wants to come back is he still with her??? Waiting to see if you will take him back and if not he will remain with her....

Or is his reason for wanting you back only cause she kicked him out so therefore you are his second choice and just a fallback until he finds another.

Saying he wants to marry you, marriage is for wwhen you are in love with someone not when you leave them for another and then realise you want to marry them,. This guy is a long way from marriage material..

Imagine this people say why did you decide to get married!! Well i took off with the town Ho and then decided it wasnt that grreat so thought id get maried to my ex!!!

Where as it should be well we are best friends and i would go to the end of the earth for her so we are going to get married after having such a great relationship together...

Good luck whatevr you do. I give it anooither 3 weeks till you take him back and I do not blame you for giving it another go it is the human response to take someone back after such a loss effects your thinkingand all you want to do is fix what is broken....

I haven't talked to him to even ask if he is still with her but I was told by a friend that he left her and is living with a buddy of his and she is calling him nonstop wanting him back.
That's about all I know of their situation as of now.

This is a horrible thing that has happened to you. Something you need to understand is that you are going through the different stages of grief... which is normal. Watch out for the bargaining stage... it is at that point that the urge to have him back will be the strongest. From what you have I know that you are a very strong person. You deserve someone that can be with you whole-heartedly and cherish that strength... instead of putting it to the test. Realize that there are many other good guys out there that would relish to have a person like you in their life. Keep strong!

Roses are not going to be enough.

Look forward to the next chapter though - it seems like he knows he was a fool. I would say he'd have to work for a year to win you back.
And you can date whomever you want in the meantime.
Let's see how much he has in him.
I'd start by having him: chauffeur you and your new boyfriend on a date. There must be some other things... maybe have him grow the next flowers he gives you... :-)

Grow the next flowers he gives you... I love it!!

Whatever you do make him pay to get you back make him earn it...

I think he will try something else soon maybe a dinner invite, there will be something within the wek you can bet on that his biding his time holding hope you will call him...

Dj His car will break down near your house, he will become ill, he'll have questions that only you can answer about a bill, he'll have to tell you something important about his family/or one of their friends. He'll make sure one of your mutual friends let you know his every move. He will be crafty but he will keep up the contact some how. So if you take him back and end up marrying him, who's to say in a few years he won't get the itch again and be off with someone else. If he can toss 5 years away just like that , I don't think I would trust him.

Dj His car will break down near your house, he will become ill, he'll have questions that only you can answer about a bill, he'll have to tell you something important about his family/or one of their friends. He'll make sure one of your mutual friends let you know his every move. He will be crafty but he will keep up the contact some how. So if you take him back and end up marrying him, who's to say in a few years he won't get the itch agin and be off with someone else. If he can toss 5 years away just like that , I don't think I would trust him.

bushg, that's the question that I can't get out of my head. WHO'S TO SAY HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN. But then I think what if he learned from this mistake. And who's to say the next guy I give my heart and trust to won't do it too. And the next guy after that. I've learned one thing from all this, I can't trust him anymore or anyone else for that matter

bushg, thats the question that I can't get out of my head. WHO'S TO SAY HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN. But then I think what if he learned from this mistake. And whos to say the next guy I give my heart and trust to won't do it too. And the next guy after that. I've learned one thing from all this, I can't trust him anymore or anyone else for that matter

Not true and you know it.

As far as all the others... yes there are "players" but also some really good guys that can love you the way you want and need.

Stringer:)

Not true and you know it.

As far as all the others...yes there are "players" but also some really good guys that can love you the way you want and need.

Stringer:)

I know that deep down Stringer but my point is he loved me the way I wanted and needed our whole relationship. Then it was just like he started to panic and left. At the time he was trust worthy and then he wasn't, He changed over night.

Dj you know you are right. But I hope that you have learned one thing through all of this is that you can depend on you. You are still breathing, eating and drinking, hopefully smiling (sometimes). You made it this far and if you choose to let him come back or to date anyone else for that matter if something happens to the next relationship, you still have you. You are strong. You do what you need to do in order to be happy.

I'm going to go way out on a limb and say you have known this guy for 5 years, if he has never done anything like this before and you think this wa a one time thing, tell him you would like the both of you to do some couple counseling. It may help both of you. You may discover that things will not work for the two of you, or this was a one time thing and you can get past it.
You know this guy, we don't. I'm looking at this in terms of a 5 year marriage. How old are you guys. I'm assuming your'e not 20 year olds. That would also determine if you should work on this.
But another thing to look at, if this girl is still after him, You may not want to deal with the drama.
All I'm saying is, get over the anger and then re think. Hear what he has to say and then decide if you want to try and save this by counseling or call it quits.

I know that deep down Stringer but my point is he loved me the way I wanted and needed our whole relationship. Then it was just like he started to panic and left. At the time he was trust worthy and then he wasn't, He changed over night.

Remember something... you can't pick out only certain portions of the past that you want to remember.

What he did, he did DJ. That part is now part of the "past" also. If I was a good guy all my life then (for whatever reason) did something very bad such as intentionally do something that would break your heart. Do you think you should just ignore it? Obviously it might depend on the severity of the "deed", but should I then expect that all would be forgiven and everything will now be as it was before? NO, it won't:) Every action by an adult is accountable, we leave footprints that in essence tell who we really are. Honestly hon like many others I have been through this, nothing is the same again, really; for so many reasons.

Briefly; in my first marriage; she left quite a few times, she would came back, she would left again... (I didn't want my two children to not have a two parent "family"). She would ask me, while crying her eyes out; "what's wrong with me? You are a good husband and father..please help me I REALLY LOVE YOU and find you attractive"... something different each time DJ. Finally I came to my senses... my kids and I do not need this! (I was indeed fortunate , my kids stayed with me.) Believe me I tried, she left 6 times; I let her come back 5 times. Should I have let her come back even 5 times... I was wrong, now I trying to make you see this.

You know you deserve better, you need to be strong. The right one WILL come along and he will appreciate what he has!:)

Stringer

Remember something.......you can't pick out only certain portions of the past that you want to remember.

What he did, he did DJ. That part is now part of the "past" also. If I was a good guy all my life then (for whatever reason) did something very bad such as intentionally do something that would break your heart. Do you think you should just ignore it? Obviously it might depend on the severity of the "deed", but should I then expect that all would be forgiven and everything will now be as it was before? NO, it won't:) Every action by an adult is accountable, we leave footprints that in essence tell who we really are. Honestly hon like many others I have been through this, nothing is the same again, really; for so many reasons.

Briefly; in my first marriage; she left quite a few times, she would came back, she would left again......(I didn't want my two children to not have a two parent "family"). She would ask me, while crying her eyes out; "what's wrong with me? You are a good husband and father..please help me I REALLY LOVE YOU and find you attractive".....something different each time DJ. Finally I came to my senses....my kids and I do not need this! (I was indeed fortunate , my kids stayed with me.) Believe me I tried, she left 6 times; I let her come back 5 times. Should I have let her come back even 5 times....I was wrong, now I trying to make you see this.

You know you deserve better, you need to be strong. The right one WILL come along and he will appreciate what he has!:)

Stringer

I honestly do see your point Stringer. And I think I realise that he couldn't possibly love me now. It just hurts so bad that he was close to perfect as a boyfriend for so many yrs then he just leaves. He never ever hurt me the whole 5 years. That's hard to forget too.

I honestly do see your point Stringer. And I think I realise that he couldn't possibly love me now. It just hurts so bad that he was close to perfect as a boyfriend for so many yrs then he just leaves. He never ever hurt me the whole 5 years. Thats hard to forget too.

I know... it is not easy. But "growth" is something we all need and sometimes it can be painful. You'll come through this, and you will be very proud of yourself. And you will be more prepared for your future.

Stringer

I honestly do see your point Stringer. And I think I realise that he couldn't possibly love me now. It just hurts so bad that he was close to perfect as a boyfriend for so many yrs then he just leaves. He never ever hurt me the whole 5 years. Thats hard to forget too.

No one is perfect. No one can be that perfect. Everyone has flaws. Some people are good at pretending to be someone else. My brothers first wife seemed perfect actually for 5 years. Out of the blue she began to act really weird towards my brother and everyone they associated with. My brother found out she was having an affair and taking cocaine. My brother asked her why she would throw out 5 years and she basically said that she was tired of pretending to be someone that she wasn't and she blamed my brother for the affair and everything else. She said she was trying to be good enough for him and it was exhausting her.

You sometimes never really know someone DJ. It's a shame, its rotten and its unfair. But sometimes people can pretend for a long, long time.

I know.......it is not easy. But "growth" is something we all need and sometimes it can be painful. You'll come through this, and you will be very proud of yourself. And you will be more prepared for your future.

Stringer

Very true, very true. I just have one more question for you Stringer. Are all human beings so predictable that once they betray you they are doomed to repeat it? Or can some never want to hurt you again? Sorry that's 2 questions.

Very true, very true. I just have one more question for you Stringer. Are all human beings so predictable that once they betray you they are doomed to repeat it? Or can some never want to hurt you again? Sorry thats 2 questions.

I think you realize that yes there are instances where it could possibly turn out fine. But not usually.

If I were you DJ, I would listen to all the advice here but it really comes down to you and what you want to do. If you decide to give it another chance then I would give all you have. But I would be more alert and aware.

If you do and for some reason you try again and it doesn't work then be as prepared as you can to learn another lesson.

I just don't like to see nice people get hurt...

Stringer

If you were my sister I would say he has 2 years of flawless hard work to get you back.

Do the crime, do the time.

I want to make this into a fairytale, but I need to see some actions - not just flowers...
And I don't like him taking up your time... while you see what he has... He needs to step up BIG TIME... maybe a proposal is BIG TIME... But he needs to do it in person.

I just don't like to see nice people get hurt...


Niether do I, Maybe a clean fresh start is the answer.

<WHO'S TO SAY HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN. But then I think what if he learned from this mistake. And who's to say the next guy I give my heart and trust to won't do it too. And the next guy after that. I've learned one thing from all this, >

Its very easy for him to want a commitment now that he does not have one.
Keeping that commitment is entirely different.

Unless he gets therapy I don't think he can change just like that.


<I can't trust him anymore or anyone else for that matter>

You can trust yourself and that is all you need.
Get a life you enjoy without any man , new friends, new activities.
Try and look deep in yourself and see why you chose such a younger man, were you afraid of commitment yourself?

Be clear about what you want and the universe will send it your way.

[quote=rol]
Try and look deep in yourself and see why you chose such a younger man, were you afraid of commitment yourself?

I didn't really choose a younger man in the sense, Woo Hoo I got me a younger man. It was a fling that flung for 5 years and somewhere down the line we fell in love. We were both fresh out of relationships and we just liked each others company. But we got really close soon after and became inseparable. So no I didn't go into this looking for a commitment but once we did commit it was a very strong one. Well at least until he bolted out on me.

How old are the both of you? How much younger is he then you. That might explain some things...

<We were both fresh out of relationships and we just liked each others company.>

Well maybe that should be a lesson for this one..
You need to fully heal here or else you will be rebounding right to the same kind of guy again.