Hello
My husband has a problem with drinking,he is a great guy without it.we have been here before,he said he will stop,how do I believe him or trust him again?
STEPHANIE:confused:

How do I trust him?

Need To Learn To Trust Him Again,how Do I Do This?

You have to be strong in your conviction about what your standards are on, with his drinking. It may take leaving him to get him to understand. I would say that you can't learn to trust him, until he gives you sound reason to trust him. Enough reason that you won't have to wonder anymore. Addictions are something that people need to get over on their own. In the end, nothing can make that person change, until they decide to do it, and actually do it. When he has stopped, and proves that he can and WILL live without him, the trust will likely begin to come back with each day that he stays away from his past addiction... but don't expect your trust to come back all at once. It won't. Its something that takes time to build. And once you have lost that trust, it will take even longer to build it back up.

Hello buggage
I hope you are right on him leaving to help him,cause I don't want to lose or give up on our marriage.I understand will be take time and patience,I just need to know what I can do to help and be there for him.
Thank you stephanie

He needs to have the strength to seek help as well. With such a strong addiction, it is difficult to break it without the proper guidance. BUT, even if he were to get help, it will only work so long as he is willing to do what he needs to do to get rid of it. You can have all the help you want, but if you aren't ready to give it up, you won't. Ya know what I mean? Be there for him, make sure he knows that you will be there to support him the whole way if he choses to get help. But also make him understand that you can't condone his behavior, and he needs to get help with it, or down the road, it may end up destroying your relationship.

I plan on helping him as much as I can,I just hope I don't do nothing wrong to set him back any,I just want to help in every way so we can save what we have,
Stephanie

Help him accomplish his goal, two is better than one :)

Hello marily
I plan on helping in anyway I can,just don't want to do or say something for a set back.he wants to come home? I do, but than I don't? I just don't want a repeat of what just happen.
Stephanie

I can understand how you feel, going back doesn't mean you are trusting him again it only means that you are giving him another chance. Trust isn't a light switch, trust is something that you earn by being true and faithfull :)

I have let him come back a lot before more than I can count,and each time is the same thing,I'll qiute I stop! NO MORE DRINKING! and he always goes back,this is the trust between us? I'M TIRED OF GETTING HURT AND LIED TO,

Then its time to stand up. Stop giving in, stop letting him back... he probably knows you'll always be there as a fall back plan,you'll never really leave him. Time for a reality check. You're a strong woman, let yourself be. Maybe it'll be enoughh to kick sense into him and kick his habit out. But if not, make a better life for yourself. Everyone deserves greatness... not everyone choses to allow it for themselves

I'm confused,one says don't give up,and one says close the door on him,I love him and want our marriage to work,he's sick and needs help.yes I'm a strong women,sometime I'm to strong! BUT I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON MY Marriage.I just want to do it right for him,and not let him fall again
Stephanie

Well, I am equally confused, because it sounded like you were saying you let him come back way too many times to count, and were sick and tired of getting hurt and lied to. Re-reading you comment where you said "and each time is the same thing,i'll qiute i stop! NO MORE DRINKING!" I see that I miss read it and see that you were saying that is what he would say, and not you saying " I'm stopping, no more drinking, i've had enough of it." under that misunderstanding, I was saying that if you were done leave and refuse to let him back until he has for sure gotten help and quit. I'm not saying to give up on your marriage. Your support is very important in the process, but when you say "i just want to do it right for him,and not let him fall again" its important to understand that you can't do it for him, so don't take complete responsibility on it, and feel like you are the one that let him down, if he goes back to it. It sounds like he is a good guy with a terrible addiction, and he needs help, but probably more then you alone can give. Seeking out a good rehab center would be a good idea.

Yes I said I have taken him back before,same reason, of the drinking,but I just want to believe him on him stopping,I know it will take time,but yes I think he has relize what he has done,and willing to stopp, cause all my family was here to see him,I just need to know what ican do to help him.and save our marriage.

Maybe you should let him join the AA group, it might help him a lot. Also I would ask him what tempt him to go drink every time then you could work something out to get rid of the temptation

He was saying that a lot of the aa charged, I don't know I didn't check,he brings up this site for me to help him and help me,maybe he needs to sign in on this web for help to.I know it will take time for him to be strong and heal.but talking always helps,he is talking to a councler.thank you stephanie

It seems like he really wants to quit drinking. Don't give up on him, encourage and support him whenever you can ;)

Glad that he is talking to a counciler and trying to change things. Good luck and best of wishes.

Yes I;m glad he is talking to someone,I hope it really works out and helps us.
Stephanie

I know its only been a short time but jr is doing real good.his att has changed,been more open and talking,(instead of fightin).sat is our 1st year aniv,never thought we would make it.stephanie

Good to hear. I hope he can stick to it, that would be great. Congrats on the anniversary

Thanks I hope he can stick with it to,so far so good,we went out for dinner and he didn't ask for a beer he drank tea,I had 2 beers didn't seem to bother him,maybe this time its for real,thank you (on our anniversary).next 10 years will be better.
Stephanie

It might be wise for you to refrain from alcohol intake around him. Any addiction especially very strong ones don't just go away, so I'm sure it couldn't have been easy for him to watch you drinking during this time that he is trying to shake the addiction. It will still be very tempting for him, especially when he is around it, whether it shows or not.

I would recommend Alanon for you to gain insight into his behaviour, and learn about alcoholism, and the role you play in his recovery. Alanon is for the partners of alcholics and will open your eyes as to what you must do. Go alone, for yourself to learn how to deal with this disease.

Hello buggage,
I have ask him if it bothers him for me to drink in front of him,he says no,which I know it has to bother him, but he feels like it helps him gets strong.I don't do it like he drank,every day all day. He said if anyone should ask him for a drink,he would get up and leave.I have seen a different side of him,(like this side).just like when we got to together for the first time.just a winderful man!
STEPHANIE

That's what he says, is that what he does? ALL drunks are very good people until they cross that line. Only he can decide where the line is, so YOU should educate yourself through Al-anon, or you cannot be part of the solution.

I agree with talaniman. And I think even though he says it doesn't bother him, I don't know how it couldn't. I don't know about it making him stronger, I think it will have the opposite effect... its up to you to be the strong one and resist drinking in front of him. Its like wavying temptation under his nose.. I would think you giving up alcohol with him would be a great support method.but that's just my opinion