I have a 16 year old son, he's disrespectful, hateful, foul mouthed and the boundarys we set mean nothing to him. I can't let him disrupt my home any longer and want to throw him out. Is there any way I can get him out of my house legally?

That's not really motherly o.o Taking the easy way out? And no. Maybe have him to stay with a aunt or someone close. You might be able to give him to someone else but again sounds like the easy way. Try theorpy and/or being a parent. Don't take that stuff from him.

He didn't get this way overnight. Please go with him (or even without him) to a counselor who works with teen boys. You will learn new parenting skills.

I was hoping for some real advice. We're currently IN counseling... that's gotten him off the drugs... Motherly?? no... I'm the dad. I wouldn't be GIVING him to anyone. He thinks he's a big boy... let him get a dose of reality. He's six foot three and thinks he owns the friggin world.

The counselor should be giving you advice. Most teens think they own the "friggin world". I'll bet you did too when you were that age. Keep going to the counselor.

I like your quote... it was first demonstrated by King David.

His counselor isn't offering any advice, he's just saying that he's making progress... and getting him off drugs is progress, I guess. My son does tell me often that he likes drugs and wants them, but won't do them as long as I'm around... that's his "upper hand"... but nevertheless, he's off the drugs. Now the temper... I was out of town all week and he and his mother got along fine... as soon as I get home today, he's got a chip on his shoulder... he's mad... really mad... because I told him that if he continued in his disrespectful, etc... ways, he would have to go to Texas and live with my brother... and his 4 kids... he didn't like that much, because my bro runs a tighter ship than I do. I also have another son with Aspergers Syndrome that wants nothing more than peace in the home... poor guy can't get that with his brother around. Always picking a fight with my wife or I.

Lay down some rules then, take away the computer, iPod, etc... if he does something wrong. Send him to his room if he wants to be annoying, don't go to his level. If he behaves well then give back his stuff, little by little.

That's what my parents do.

It sounds like there is peace in the home until you and your son lock horns. Can you back off and lay low? Make the rules and be consistent in how you deal with infractions. Don't talk a lot and yell -- he'll just tune you out.

What does his mother do to get along with him so well?

He has no computer access... that really hurts him because he's a WOW junkie. I took everything out of his room... bed included... and the door too. He just doesn't care and that's why I'm at my wit's end. I appreciate the fact that YOU respond when your parents implement discipline. Most kids will. I really think that the friends he's chosen have influenced his attitude toward his family... and once he leaves my front door, I can't do anything about who he hangs out with.

His mother is done dealing with him... first it was her that he had such a rough time with... then she discovered it absolutely useless to try anything with him, so she's given up. She ignores him and deals with him as necessary to function in the house... as long as she doesn't say no to anything, all is well. But surely as soon as the answer is no... all hell will break loose. I think his temper is inherited from her side of the family... seriously, all of her brothers have a HUGELY bad temper. Her's isn't too bad... I've handled it for 20 years already...

Have him go to a private school, usually less people are violent and such and do drugs (I use to go to a private school). I really don't like my family either, and if I don't usually ventilate my anger. So I just explode on my family sometimes though I think they deserver it sometimes... He needs to find a way to ventilate his anger. Maybe doing a sport or something. Mine is breaking things that I don't need anymore, its really fun. Understand though that he needs help and is going through a had time. I tell my parents I don't like them which I really feel that I don't but it would be nice if they showed a little more care in me. Just keep trying to get closer and although he will act more mad, it really helps. I would pay to have someone attempt to be close to me. Saddle all I got is like 20 dollars lol. Anyway try that. But no need to desert him. I know how that feels and that makes me more mad. I have known that feeling for 3 years and I would honestly probably not be able to handle life anymore if I was left outside forever. Think about it this way too. He will probably get back into drugs and maybe get violent and hurt someone else with his anger. Maybe have him see another councillor if this one isn't working

Ya know buddy, you may be on to something. I REALLY appreciate the insight from someone in his shoes. I was once a teenage boy... I still remember the battles my step dad and I got into. I just wanted him to love me too. I try so hard with my son, maybe I should just try harder... not ignore him, but just love on him whether he likes it or not. I do really love the kid... he just makes me CRAZY.

Do more stuff together. Nothing is/was more fun to me than to do cool things with my dad. Such as playing basketball together and its really cool when he gets into video games like call of duty. Sadly it has stopped with my dad and that is probably why I don't talk to him at all.

A side note: I know this may seem weird but when you are with your son in a public place, try to be what he wants you to be. Before you are like "Why should i change for him?" Read my example.

Example: I hate going anywhere with my mom, she fights with everyone if its not her way. She gets mad at people who didn't do anything. She really embarrasses me, so I get angry a lot when I'm with her and then a lot of fights occur. My mom never listens to what I have to say either. I will tell her something and she completely zones me out. Then when she does something wrong she blames it on me when I try to tell her. Then she yells at me in the middle of a place. Now I never go out with my mom without a fight. My dad on the other hand doesn't fight with everyone. He doesn't do it for me but he understands that it is embarrassing and things can wait till we are home. I am not sure if I confused you but just kind of respect what your son is feeling. I am myself around my dad and I am not embarrassed to be around him. When I'm with my mom I will walk away from her and ignore her. This would really help him open up to you more. And again hope I didn't confuse you.

I have a 16 year old son, he's disrespectful, hateful, foul mouthed and the boundarys we set mean nothing to him. I can't let him disrupt my home any longer and want to throw him out. Is there any way I can get him out of my house legally?
I know how you feel, I had the same thing with my son, I took him out of pubic school and put him in a school were his behavior is not eccepable, he had to earn points to come home on home visits, if he didn't earn them he didn't get to come home,
I also gave him a choice, he either go to this school or I will turn him over to social services, I put the ball back in his court, I also when down to the court and talk with them about taking him to court for abuse, so they would put him on a tens warrant, this means that he can go to juv. At any time if he doesn't do what I say.
Now you can and there are servel places out there, I don't were you live, but here in va. There is a school called new dominion school, it's in dillwyn va. And they live out in the woods, they have to build they're own place to sleep, they eat and cook outside, there is no ac and there is no heat, there is not elect. There is no running water, they do have shower places own the grows, they can and will put they're hands own your son and bring him down if need be, they are own 500 acor of land that is in the middle of the woods so if anyone tired to run away they will not get far. They have to earn the right to go to school, they have to earn the right to go out on the town with the group, they work them from sun up to sun down. You can go to your search and put in " teenhelp" it should bring up all these school for teens like your son and some of them are free, I never had to pay for any of the school eccept for what my son needed, but they also put them to work so they can earn money to buy what they need, they do not get to keep the money on them, they open an account for them, and only the school can get to the money. You can call the school and have them send you a package about the place 1-804-983-2051. They also have a web site call threesprings.com or newdominionschool.com (http://www.newdominionschool.com), there is also a military school over in virginia beach that is free. It's a 6 months. School, and they treat them just like they were in the military. You can also talk with a social worker about this. That's were I started, plus I surf the web to find these places.

In some areas, they have military schools that you have to volunteer a certain amount of hours and just make sure you can get your kid there and back. This may be something to think about. Ours is about 45 minutes away but I would do it if it came down to it. I am so sorry it isn't easier for you or your family. I really hope it works out for you.
SGt... you really have shed some light on this subject with your age and all, being honest and sweet. Thanks.

No Problem Glad I could help

Its your son. You can't just give up and throw him out of your house. You do love him right? He just has some problems that need to be changed. I suggest you get him to go to counciling. Have you tried talking to him about all of this?

I have a 24 yrs. Old who may be finally getting out of the house and I will be so thankful. I am separated from husband for 10 years & have been through hell with my son. Drugs, legal ldrugs because he is bipolar, going off meds, etc. you name it.

And my son thought he owned this house. He can be abusive. Has punched holes in the walls and I have seen him out of control. Had him taken from the house & he had to be in hospital to get back on meds & in control.

I wish I could give you some solid avice because I have tried everything (you name it). Don't let your son take complete control. I have the same situation... as long as everyone says yes everything is fine.

I will pray for you.
Sorry not to be of much help except I can sympathize with you.

Okay so I know a lot about this subject as you probably know from my name!! LOL!
My dad is really like you no... hes probably worse.
You say in your post you have another son with some type of disabilty,so I'm just thinking he probably needs a lot of attenion.
I could be wrong but maybe your son needs some to.
I mean I always do things for my dads atteniton.
His job means as much as your other son!!
Just try showing your love a bit more!
Please tell me if I healped!!
Klye Santana

From reading all of these answers and from personal experience I think were going about it all wrong. My parents have tried everything in the book with me punishing me to the max, taking away all my possesions, kicking me out to give me a dose of "reality", nothing like that is going to work. But what works is not some councler who probably has more family problems than you do. But sitting down talking to you're son. He's a human being not some puppet that you brought into the world find out what's on his mind and actually put yourself in his shoes.My parents did that and we're doing much better as a whole. You mention he's hateful. Does he have reason to be? You say he doesn't abide by you're boundaries well don't make inhuman boundaries. Don't try to control something that doesn't want to be controlled you just add more grief to yourself. And last but not least pray, pray till you can't think of anything to ask god anymore.
-Remeber we all are born selfish but it's up to us as individuals to put the consideration of others first... even if it is our son-

I completely understand what you're going through. I'm having the same problem with my family. My little brother (who is only 14) has been arrested 4 times now. He was on probation for a year and just got off. He smokes pot too. My mom has given up on him and told him that she wished she hadn't brought him into the world (that is NEVER a good thing to say) My dad refuses to punish him because he works full time and insists that there is no way to monitor his behavior so there's no point in punishing him. If by chance my parents tell him no he throws a fit because he thinks he runs the family, which besides my sister and I he does. I've had to step in and be the parent from time to time and he'll listen to me, he's not a bad kid he's just undisciplined and misguided. All kids need a different parenting style he just needs someone to man up to him and take control. Your son sounds like he needs a little more love and a little less harshness. Although once they get to the point of your son and my brother a family meeting needs to take place to set guidelines and rules and remind the kids that you are the parent and what you say goes. And absolutely no yelling! Yelling will just make the problem worse.

Okay so I know alot about this subject as u probaly know from my name!!!!!LOL!
My dad is really like u no.....hes probaly worse.
You say in your post u have another son with some type of disabilty,so im just thinking he probaly needs alot of attenion.
I could be wrong but maybe your son needs some to.
I mean I always do things for my dads atteniton.
His job means as much as your other son!!!
Just try showing your love a bit more!!
please tell me if I healped!!!!
Klye Santana

The son I am speaking about is the one with Bipolar Disorder. He does need a lot of attention and has gotten it. We have cared about him more than anything. Even so, that my other son in college has over the years has not gotten as much attention. As of now my 24 yr old trashed my house last Sun. night and I was scared. The cops took him away and he went to jail which is what I have been trying to prevent. He is out now. I feel bad but also don't want him here. He needs psychological help and then a rehab desperately.

I do love my son and thank you for the advice about showing love a bit more.

Ok well I am all those children I have been to jail I had children at a young age my mother kicked me out at the age of 14 I have done drugs and my schooling sufferd because of it!!

My advise is please don't give up on your child even though he is acting like an he still needs you some kids ask in nice ways others ask in very loud and abusive ways... there is something probbly bugging him that he will not tell you or the counciler... my counciler gave up on me that's how bad I was.

Even now at 26 I still drive my parents crazy I still do things that my parents go what the hell are you doing are you crazy? So just hang in there and hope things get better.

Thank you Connie for your response. Nice to hear from the other side of the fence. I won't ever give up on my son. I just know now he, maybe, needs to hit bottom because we have always been there to pick up the pieces. I prob. Could have kicked him out at 17 or so but didn't & hung in there. He needs to be back on meds and stop with the pot. Even if he realizes the above, he needs to get on his own. Am always here and sometimes that's not good. Needs to get the chance to do things on his own and be responsible. I realize what you are saying about some kids asking nicely for help and some loudly or in abusive ways. Thanks for your input. I do think there's a lot bugging him. He was so on track a while ago & stopped meds and is just so different.

Take care.

Yha he really needs to hit bottom before he sees what you are trying to do for him and what others see him as but be right there for him or he could feel like you left him and get worse when he has hit bottom let him know why you left him for a bit and let him see himself for what he is at that point. Iknow it did wonders for me and now I am off all my meds and doing really well.

My cousins were like your son. Eventually the oldest moved out and then started takeing the youngest to Akedo (donno if I spelled that right) anyway with the disiplin he learned there and the bond that they formed his temper cooled down. But I must say if you don't find some way might would be better for him to go somewhere else. The younger one eventually moved in with my mother across the street then he never acted as he did at his house, but my mom was a lot strickter on him and also he respected her more.

You sound Connie, like you have it together. What you say makes sense about letting him know why he has to be on his own & him getting worse because of the feeling we didn't want him but I think my son knows how much we all love him. I know when he was about 16 and starting to get out of control he went to live with his Dad and got worse there actually. I thought he would be able to control him more. Didn't work. In 6 months he was back here and worse.
Am concerned now because no one has heard from him since he called from Detention Ctr. He stayed there 5 days and was released on Sat. Don't know if he's in a hospital or what. This never happened. Just hope God takes care of everything.

Zyi - WIll have to find out what Akedo (sp?) is. My son needs a lot of discipline. Self discipline. He has a temper. Also needs to be on his meds. Thanks.

Akido is a marshal arts training. It teaches desipline and also chaneling fealings, from what my cousin told me. He really enjoyed it and seamed to be happyer. I donno if it will help your son but if it does it would be awsome.
Good Luck!

Ps: here is a link that might get you started into figure out what it is.
The Martial Arts Institute - AKIDO (http://www.martialartsinstitute.com/akido.htm)

its your son. you can't just give up and throw him out of your house. you do love him right? he just has some problems that need to be changed. i suggest you get him to go to counciling. have you tried talking to him about all of this?

Oh stfu.
I'm 20 years old, living with my family while I finish my associates, and let me tell you buddy talking does not work. How dare you question whether we love our family. I love my brother but I can't take it anymore. My mother can't take it anymore. She spent a YEAR crying. She would get up and go into the garage to cry because she didn't want anyone to know. But we all knew. And my brother just sat there smug because she became too broken to stand up to him.
We tried councling. He had them all snowballed, until he would snap, and finally expose his true colors. Within a week we had permission from a judge to sign his rat away in a hospital. We didn't because we love him. Wish we had though, then the things that have happened never would have.
Our family life has become nothing but walking on eggshells so we don't set him off, and even when he's gone we feel pain. None of us know what to do, except wait till he can be kicked out.
You know nothing.

If a doctor was willing to sign him into a hospital for treatment, then obviously he had, or still has problems.

This is a very old thread, can you update on what has happened in the meanwhile?