Oh! My God! That was brilliant.

Let’s hope everyone hurting from relationship fallout reads it.

I wish you a wonderful life from here on in.

Very good post, reading this now shows how far I am in my recovery and it's been. For the newbies, it's been 7 months for me and now I'm finally getting to better place in my heart. It's taking longer because I choose to suffer and didn't take advice at first.

This is wonderful! Required reading for all who stop here.

Thank you so much for pulling this together.

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WoW, That is like a "One-Size-Fits-All" heartwarming proclamation.

I wish this could be popped up every time someone places a new post related to the subject.

Have you thought about writing a book?

Friend4U - woooooooow. This is a true masterpiece. And such a valuable post for people to turn to when they need a reminder that how they're feeling and acting in those dark desperate times is normal. Thanks so much for this.

That was a great post!! BRAVO, BRAVAAA... lol
It really made me think, as I'm sure it will others:)

Thanks all , I suppose if it helps just a few people it will be worth the read. Maybe we could add a few things if I have missed them out and I can edit it a bit. :-)

Amazing And Spot On!!

Great post, its all here!

Funny enough I didn't get thin after the breakup, instead I got fat, its only now that I'm starting to get into shape again, another reason to hate the lol

Your words speak volumes into my situation as everybody else whose ever experienced a break up or the likes! Don't know how you'd take this but you've blessed me so much with this! Food for though for realz man!

It must come from somebody who has experienced the thick and thin of that situation!

Much appreciated:):):)

Thanks Zinny , I'm glad I was able to "Bless" someone with this post :-)

Love it! Thanks so much for this. It helps me realize how far I've come : )

This wonderful piece of literature should have its own site. When people Google the words "Break-up advice" this is what they should read first. It might stop those greedy people who charge money for advice books on the subject.
I cannot praise this enough.
Thanks so much.

You absolutely nailed it.

Hi friend, sorry it took me so long to respond. I think I was afraid of it at first. It hit so close to home that I kind of ran the other way. Does that make sense? I'm still in somewhat of a denial state. And getting better still seems so far away. But it does give me hope and I do long for that day. I do read the posts on here and I see the new ones and I think that was me 5 weeks ago. I know I've made some progress (very little it seems) but some. And it's all THANKS TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU!! You are an inspiration to the broken hearted that can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks Hon

Absolutely fantastic post, one of the best I have seen on here for a long time. I and many, many others on here are proof that this is all true and that there is light at the tunnel at the end. I like this part in particular:

'It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better'.

That is a really precise and appropriate description of how the process works and while it is different for everyone, it takes time and time means many months, 3, 6, 9 or even 12 months. Everyone is different and there are many factors to consider in how long it takes. What amazes me about this post is the absolute truth about how it all works, the grief process and the predictability of it. That is not to say that all will follow the exact patterns but that there is some consistency in what we do and how we cope. I speak for myself and I speak in terms of what I have seen both in the real world ( so to speak) and here on AMHD (and I have been checking in long enough here to recognise the signs and symptoms).

Anyone who is confused as to whether what they are feeling or what they are doing is right or wrong should really read this post thoroughly and check back on it in say, 9 months time, when he or she is feeling more emotionally healthy.

A final point I would like to make is that you do have some control on how you grieve but you don't have full control, some of the process is what is within you and will kind of drive you through it.. Hard to really explain but it is important to realise that one has only limited control over the way he or she deals with it.

I wish all the newbies the best in their road to recovery, because that is exactly what it is.

Wonderful post... it touched my heart... I loved it all especially that part when you said
" Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back. And the universe will take care of the rest." I have been trying to get myself back but I could not am unable to... I feel like dead person... it has been 8 years now since I break up with him... I dated other people (4 guys) but it did not work... what do you think is missing?

Thank you again so much for this wonderful post.


Ms. Redrose

On chick I broke up with started a process of change that turned me into a far better and wiser person when she dumped me.
Its funny, I spent several months trying to improve myself, to fix up the shortcomings and the issues that had caused the breakup, and when I saw her again, I ended up going out with her best friend lolz
You can get hurt, dumped, cheated on, your heart broken, your spirit crushed, you can feel such despair and self hate because of that other person, but in the end, you can see all but one person, when you look back, as life experiences, teachers, practice, part of your attempt to find yourself in others. Its okay to get dumped, to break up, to get heartbroken, to get trod on, as long as you get back up and learn from the experience, as long as you get just that little bit closer to your one true love, its worth it.
Because really, in the end, a break up just narrows down your search.

Brilliant post friend4u, great to see such a smart person posting such an intelligent and useful post, that could possibly be referred to in the future for people with applicable issues in their lives.
It's a great bit of advice, one that maybe should be kept on hand to be linked for break up related questions.
Looking forward to your future posts.

I Totalllly Agreeee!

This was so well written, and to the point, I have made it a sticky, on the relationship forum, for all to read who come here.

Ahhhh Friend! Your advice to the lovelorn is the pinnacle of achievement. It should be required reading.

This is a comment for the part about getting back together and the relationship being tarnished, that is SO true! I took my b/f back after breaking up with him. He begged me for months so I gave in. Our relationship sucked and we stuck it out for a whole year that way. The only thing that kept us together was the sex, that got better and better but he treated me horribly for leaving him and seemed to punish me for it, or maybe inside just never forgave me. :-( We just broke up the other day, I finally left again. For good this time. What a waste.

When you say he begged for months? How long? How long was you togetehr sparkle?

I'm so glad this was made a sticky. That was going to be my suggestion after reading it but Tal already seen its tremendous value.

This is the best post I have seen in regards the process (and that what it is) after a break up.

Anyone who think this isn't how it works is kidding them self I think and still in denial.

So well written and spot on. It shows what a mature and well grounded person you must be friend4u. You should be proud of yourself for taking the time to offer such wonderful and heartfelt advice. Well done again!

And you're an Aussie I'm assuming.

We are the most intelligent people in the world and this just proves it! ;)

And you an Aussie im assuming.

We are the most intelligent people in the world and this just proves it!! ;)

So... how about the asians?:confused:

We have many asians in Australia nicespringgirl. They are smart too.

For the record I was only joking... Sort of :)

I knew you were, and yes, the post is great and you guys seem like very mature persons as well.:)

P.S.I am getting better on picking up jokes in english now;)

Yes we have many pretty and intelligent Asians girls in Australia :-)

Just out of interest friend4u, where in Australia you from?

Sunny Sydney :-) And you?

This was so well written, and to the point, I have made it a sticky, on the relationship forum, for all to read who come here.

Thanks Tal I appreciate that coming from you , you helped me out a lot a few weeks ago. Can you just explain exactly what the "Sticky" thing is all about , I'm fairly new here as you know. Thanks

Just up the F3 in Newcastle.

Only up the Road ay , small world :-)

Uggghh... I feel miserable since my recent break up with my boyfriend but after reading this, at least I know I am not alone and that I am not the only one doing strange things, i.e. text messages, phone calls, emails,etc. Even thought about driving to his house and sitting on his front steps until he got home (how pathetic, huh)?

Thanks though for writing this, it did make a difference and I know time will heal but it seems like everyday life moves in SLOW MOTION! I can't wait to go to bed every day now. My time is literally my own now and sometimes I just feel so uncomfortable being alone. But maybe its all good though because I can learn more about myself and learn to create my own happiness within myself and not rely on others to do that.

Thanks again!

Be happy, be well.

Thanks Tal I appreciate that coming from you , you helped me out a lot a few weeks ago. Can you just explain exactly what the "Sticky" thing is all about , I'm fairly new here as you know. Thanks
Just as I was cruising along being my wonderful self, you ask a question I can't answer and, am stuck on stupid!!! Indulge me while I find out. I do know you're the first sticky since I got here on this relationship forum, so please let that hold you until I get UNSTUCK.:eek:

Wow!!

I had to register just to thank you for this post. It was all stuff I knew from a previous relationship, but seeing it written down really helps. I was on a major downward swing yesterday and when I woke up today but reading this has fixed that.

My situation is slightly different, she was texting/phoning(or more) some guy from her work behind my back and I found out, I still miss her like hell but I know I couldn't take her back. I still go through the "i wish we could be back together" but I realize its impossible after what she did. If only the rational voice stuck around for more than an hour a day!

Stick with us here Madaman and you can get not only some great advise but also some great insight by reading other peoples posts. Why not tell us your story in your own post?

Errr I agree with everything but the last sentence... I liked myself better when I was with her s o I guess I'm fked there.

That was a brilliant one there.was really helpful.wonder were u got dt from.basically summarizes everything about breakups

Man you got it going on bro, that must have taken a while, but that's was really good man keep it up

Very acurate discription of some the things I've been feeling up to this point. Thanks friend I was feeling all alone but this proves that most of us dumpees all go through the same things

Thanks so much I really appreciate it how you did that and it really helped me so again I say tha;) nk you

Keep on the high road to healing with the good old No Contact A.K.A NC

Poster has it all there, practically down to the bone and then the celluar level. The happy single alternative is allways predictably going to be the best option during your recovery phase. Stick to it and in time the ex will be just a fading memory, much like the sh*t you accidentally trod on the other day. Might I add it took a painstakingly long time to scrape it off!

Okay I think it feels better now that you've convinced me I'm not psychic.. I'm a normal person reacting to a normal situation in a normal manner! Great !

I thought Id reached the stage I'm spendin weekends wit my friends like I always did and having a laugh enjoying the stuff I used to enjoy and manage to go hours without thinking about her once. And then suddenly last night It all came back. Almost an year now of being without her, and 3 months of no contact (feels good in sober moments) and I still keep telling myself she'll come back because no one can love her like I did. Perhaps I'm in to denail just lying to myself. She started seeing someone in April and we talked on fone after which I've had no contact.

Will I ever, ever NOT want her back? Not really ? No ?

Good job though I found myself agreeing to almost everything you said. And yes it helps to know Im not the only loser.

Good job though I found myself agreeing to almost everything u said. And yes it helps to know Im not the only loser.


Someone breaking your heart doesn't make you a loser.

You'll finally realise she left you and if loved you wouldn't have done this! That's when you won't want her back! This will most likely occur when you find someone else who loves you and then you will know what the difference is! To be loved by someone you can truly love back...

Thanks guys maybe your right but right now I do feel like a loser - being jobless for an year by the end of this month. Ive been job searchin online but secretely I keep hoping no one hires me. I've read your post a few times now friend4u, and I think you are a genuis !

You've helped me analyze and think about the positives that have come out of my failed relationship. I've managed to quit smoking. How? I've hardly been out of my house and I don't smoke inside so Ive managed to completely remove tobacco from my life - even when I'm drinking I don't feel desperate for a ciggerate these days.I've lost a bit of weight too - I was like 210 lbs at 6'3 and now I'm less then 175! That makes me feel like I've achieved something !

But I still can't give up on her?why? Because she's 20 and I am be 24 on xmas eve 2007.. I tell myself she'll realize when she's mature enough,that I am the one for her. Lol now that's loser mentality isn't it ? I am sure would agree.

Anyway I need some advice guys, her birthday is coming up and how do you suggest I deal wit it? Should I just send an email, or flowers or a card/gift through post or call her? Or do I pretend to fprget her birthday and move on. Almost 4 months now when I last talked to her, she told me she was seeing someone and that killed me - into complete cut-off.

But I still can't give up on her?why? because shes 20 and i am be 24 on xmas eve 2007.. i tell myself she'll realize when shes mature enough,that I am the one for her. lol now thats loser mentality isnt it ? I am sure wud agree.

No...

I disagree. That's not loser mentality, that is false hope mentality and unrealistic mentality. The false hope does not make you a loser, it makes you a human being with emotions. You've got to stop saying that about yourself because really, do you feel like that?

Its going to be like this for a while, you are going to feel the false hope, I know I did for some time. Trust me, unless you don't want to heal eventually and move on then you are no loser and even if you do spend some time in that period of transition which includes false hope in the grief process then you still aren't one.

In my book, a loser is a bad person who gets drunk all the time, abuses people including his wife or partner either physically or mentally, does not work or contribute to society in any way, has no spiritual value (however one measures it) and basically doesn't care.

You aren't one of them, that's one thing I would agree on, at least from what you say. I do think you need to change your attitude about getting work though, getting busy is what you need right now.

Hi outsiders , why don't you start your own post and tell us your story , then we can all try and help you. If we know the background we can advise you on your Birthday question. Have a nice day :-)

Pure genius... everything is so true!

This is really something,never read anything like this before.but I`ll just appreciate it if you let mi know your views on the two questions I posted last month,with their titles being "should i call my ex bf of 4 months" and "does my ex bf of 4 months still luv mi" will really appreciate it.knw I should have gotten the answers from here but I just want you to read my story and let mi know your own views.thanks

Wow, I have never read something so true about the stuff I'm going through right now... thanks

I really believe that it is so important to try and stay focused on yourself in a relationship. I don't mean be selfish but don't live in fantisy land and take everything as it comes, day by day. I know its easier said and done, especially for us women, but I am trying to live my life this way. Good luck to all and great posting friend4u!

Well, Simply Awesome stuff... u said it all... its so true... I would agree with you on all the things... but, there might be some ways to bring back your ex... there might be some circumstances which threw you apart... CIRCUMSTANCES is a BIG word my dear... Like in My situation... we did not break up till that... both love each other but... here's my story -------

I have been going around with this girl since 5 months from now and I know her since 2 yrs.She's is the most perfect girl I have ever come across.We fell in love and are committed.my family has already agreed to it and even her parents agreed with this.One fine day out of the blue moon her father expired, she has an elder sis and an elder brother who are settled in germany. Now its only she and her mom who are left in India and some close relatives. Now once her father has expired her brother does not even wants to talk about me and is not agreeing with this relation.he has not even met and has not even spoken to me.She is working, but her brother wants her to quit job and take care of her Mom.His brother came when his father expired in August and went back to germany and now is coming back again for 3 months in October 2007.They are from a well to do business class family and I work.

We both love each other a lot, but her cousin are keeping a check on her as well, as told by her brother... We can't take any step so can't elope and get married.We want to be with each other but I don't understand what to do.She can't even call me because her cousin is always around.

I am ready to wait for any time her family says. Now even she does not calls me so often like before because there's a check on her, she only calls me once she in office or alone. She is not in her state of mind as well and wants a change in life as well, after her father expired.I totally understand her situation and do not blame her at all for what she's doing with me because its not in her hands.Her sis/mom are by my side but I don't think so that they'll be able to pitch in here because her brother is the deciding factor now.

Please guide me what to do??

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Well written and said!

I'm going to make a copy of this and read it this weekend, over and over! My boyfriend of 2 years, dumped me 2 days ago. I feel like crap, and I look like crap! My stomach hurts and I have headache that won't seem to go away.
He was the first guy I loved after my 12 year marriage ended, due to my husband having an affair with one of my friends. I've compromised everything for this guy, his nutty ex-wife and 2 small children, I have no children of my own. All this only to be told, he's doesn't want to look back on this relationship 10 years from now and feel as though he should have done more as a single guy.
I am heart broken!

WOW THAT REALLY MADE ME THINK YOU ARE FABULOUS I love this post I broke up with my ex like 3 months ago and still can't get over it but this post really made me think once again BRAVO!!

Two thumbs up. Two thumbs WAY up.

I think that your post makes people feel less alone. Even though that doesn't remove all the pain of losing an ex, it does ease it to a great deal. And it does make one see that other people do truly understand.

Thing is probably most if not all people on this planet have been through some sort of heartache. Its what makes us human - to feel emotion. Though its funny, you still them all walking all over the place, working, having fun and living life. We are never truly alone.

Awesome man!!
Bravo!!
Gosh it seems you've read ma heart out.great job.you must have gone through it and came out with flying colours!! you've earned a fan today... every word was so measurably correct from the hem to hilt... I wish there existed some nobel prize for human experts out here and I would have crowned it to glorify you...
Basically today I am going through exactly the same phase of life... I was cheated by a man an year back and when I moved on I met a new guy who kept treating me as the princess of his heart for 6months... but when I proposed him he said we are just friends... im badly shattered and all... but I think all would be right after sometime cause each word you see is correct...
Thanks...

Thank you from the bottom of my heart... I am hitting the 3 month line and I was starting to weaken.This has given me strength again to stay focused.
I know if I was to go back it would only be a matter of time before I had regrets.
My goal is to find myself... become strong in mind,body and soul and let go of the anger and hurt. Time is my friend.

This is so true. MY boyfriend dumped me to go back to an ex from 4 years ago.( she was his first love he said). I have never felt that kind of pain before. But its been over a month and I feel a lot better. I don't want anything to do with him. Becasuse now I know that he didn't see me the same way I saw him. I had and still have and good days and bad days and even contacted him 3 times just in hopes of feeling better.( not begging, just wanted some normallity) But when I realized that it didn't help and the damage was done. I let it go. I still think about it a lot but I feel a lot better... Time s healing. I'd rather be with someone who feels the same way about me and I am looking forward to that experince.

I Just Broke Up With My Ex And Im Hurting So Bad I Just Wanted To Go Running Back To Him But Every Time I Feel Myself Crumbling Im Going To Read This Thank You So Much.

Oh my lord. That is genious. That is excactly what I went through. After seven months this October I started to feel better and I could stand to stand next to him again. You really do need to write a book

Wow! It's great to see how useful this turned out to be. We need more like this one on different subjects.

I'm so happy this has helped a few people , and hopefully more to come. Thank you ALL for your kind words :-)

This info is relenting...

Absolutely marvelous, and not because I wasn't aware of those details. The real skill here is your ability to make the explanation of steps so enjoyable to read. Bravo.

Simply Inspirational Dude Thank you, U Must Be Very Well Educated I Will Ponder Over Ur Words Of Wisdom ! I Have Really Been Struggling U Give Me Hope Thank you And Peace Be With U, Sounds Like It Already Is ,legend!

You hit the nail on the head with this one. If I read it 6 months ago I probably would have deluded myself to believe my situation was different but I wholeheartedly agree with you! I'm not quite there yet, but I found it an inspiration to read

Umm, do we know each other? You seem to have described the past six months of my life in almost perfect detail... it's almost frightening!

There are many who have been th rough this situation in life, and I believe all of us have been through such matters in life.

But more important is to look forward in life, because our ex's leave and go,no matter whose fault would it be ours or theirs,but the leave so its better to come over things and begin a new life... for someone to love us even better awaits us.


I AGREE WITH ALL THE POSTS ABOVE... KEEP IT UP PEOPLE.

Thank you for this post. I just joined, and am nursing a broken heart. This helps because I needed to see that Im not the loser Ive been thinking I was (for not doing this, not doing that). Thanks!

I was having a setback day until I read this lol! Good work mate.

Brilliant post,
I myself have "just been dumped"... it hurts like mad, but I know it will get better.

Awesome Post! And Thank You!

That's fantastic, it sounds like of like me lol. I deff agree with your statements. Now if you could anyone, read my story in "break up" and tell me what you think. Thanks, Eugene.

Excellent Post! It does give hope for the future ( and it shows the little foolist things people do when heartbroken lol ) Everyone can relate!!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Thank you for reminding me that the hole in your heart does get smaller with time... great piece!

Wow very good very good thank you

Brutally honest yet inspiring because it really is the truth.

Nailed it!

Wow!
Very inspirational! I was about to write something concerning this matter and honestly it opened my eyes! :)
Thank you!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
WOWZERS! This was awesome! Nicely done! If I had read this a couple months ago I would have cryed my eyes out! But luckily we are back... but I did go through every last bit of detail you talked about! WOW!

That was beautiful! Congrats. :)

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Well said! I hope this is read by those who need

I was hurting from a breakup and the pain went away eventually. I have some amazing friends who helped me. The pain goes away with time

It was a lot of reading but I enjoyed every bit.
Your amazing at expressing yourself and portraying a purpose.
I wish you the best in lfe and I hope you could take my advise as to keep on writing!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Amazing, that really is some great advice, I've done the text messaging contact method, and I still haven't recovered, but its only been 2 days so I've got time. Thanks you for posting this, it's a great help

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
What if your husband leaves you do to a fight. He has been gone for 8 weeks and I have'nt a clue where he is. His sister told me in is in rehab due to alcohol and depression. Nobody will tell me where he is. It's a secret. What do I do? How do I find him? I filed a missing person report and nothing is happening.

The part about sex again, what if it wasn't good. It almost made things worse because then you miss your ex even more.

Amazing... That was great, and I agree 100%. I have felt, and done a lot of that. That was great stuff, keep it up.

That was amazingly accurate! Bravo! I recommend reading this weekly, maybe even daily, to anyone who is going through a bad breakup.

What if your husband leaves you do to a fight. He has been gone for 8 weeks and I have'nt a clue where he is. His sister told me in is in rehab due to alcohol and depression. Nobody will tell me where he is. Its a secret. What do I do? How do I find him? i filed a missing person report and nothing is happening.

Honey, it still applies. Whether you find him or not, find yourself again, take care of business and stop thinking just of him. Let's face it, he's not the greatest example of a perfect man in the world, and even if he changes and comes back, you and the kids have a right to happiness and recognition in life too.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Honey, it still applies. Whether you find him or not, find yourself again, take care of business and stop thinking just of him. Let's face it, he's not the greatest example of a perfect man in the world, and even if he changes and comes back, you and the kids have a right to happiness and recognition in life too.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Thanks Chery , I couldn't give you a greenie as I have to "spread the rep" Hope your well.

The part about sex again, what if it wasnt good. It almost made things worse because then you miss your ex even more.

Sex is sex madaman , whether good or bad doesn't matter. Don't fret if it wasn't the best with someone new straight away as you may still hold some inhibitions from your past relationship.

Thanks Chery , I couldn't give you a greenie as I have to "spread the rep" Hope your well.

Don't worry about the greenies - I only hope I get my messages through.

I'm doing fine, thanks. After a lifetime of pain, looking forward to eternity of peace and happinss. But I'm still around, and not in a hurry yet. Still have lots to do and lots to enjoy.

Speaking of sex... some of the best sex can actually come from a very vivid imagination! It can actually be more fun than with a bickering, smelly, person that has not had a good attitude check in a long time. As a matter of fact, I'm 56 and had one heck of a dream last night!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_17.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Awesome post

How do I win ex back

How do I get ex back, we talking

How do I win ex back

Great post.I can relate to all you've said.It's as if you are writing about me.I feel so much better now.I feel almost normal,knowing that this pain I am feeling is not exclusve to me.
Thank you!

how do i win ex back

Hey, fancyboy.... how about starting your own question on a new thread.. better get ready to say a lot more than just 'how do I win ex back' three times. You will get no answer here, but if you are seriously seeking help, go to Relationships and start a new question and go from there...

We don't mean to be rude, but that's what separate questions are for.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Completley perfect. Every time I feel down I shall use this as inspiration.Thankyou

I am in the early stages of a break up after six years together, I'm in the darkest place and reading this has given me hope. I have been contacted by my ex and asked to be friends to which I said no, then she got in touch again a few weeks later and I am back to square one but you have lifted my spirits a little... thanks

This was great! I've been in most of those situations and I'm still in a few as of now but reading this has helped me out a lot. Thanks for your input and taking time out of your busy life! Let's continue having HOPE!!

This is an insightful and very true response. The only thing that will ever work is no contact... even after setbacks, you can always start again and realize that tomorrow is a new day. I hope all that read this take seriously what advice is put forth because its truly works!:)

Very true thread. I have been no contact now almost 2 months.. I think about my ex quite abit still... but everyday it gets better. I see now that this was not a healthy relationship but needed all this time apart to come to terms with it. But I believe I will always wish it worked out.
The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live

oh my god. Im crying... :( this is totally true. And as i read through this, i realize that i've been stuck, that there's nothing much people kan do for me but myself. I just hope i get to the end of this reading, where i just look back at what happened with my x, where i can forgive, and forget, where he kan be my friend again with no komplains. I hope time goes by fast..! This is such a nice reading!!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
This is amazing, I'm going through a break up now and I actually feel a millions times better about everything. Thank you so much!!

Great advice brilliant English to you should write a novel.

Great post man thanks for sharing your wisdom =]

Wow that was really helpful. Yeah I've only been broken up for 2 days and I can't believe I still want my ex back after what he did. But I do. I'm having a very hard time with the no contact rule. I'm going to start it immediately though. Thanks for posting this.

That was just simply a brilliant post and very helpful to all who has gone through this road,which I think we all have.
CookieMonster,we are in the same shoes now,I just broke up last weekend also,felt so down and out,wanting to call and contact her.This post certainly woke me up,and seeing others go through it makes me feel not alone.

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
My gosh! That has to be the post of the century. I can certainly relate to almost everything you've put in your post, and so can the rest of the population, incredible. Well done.

Amazing... Thank you ,that's what I wanted to hear tonight .
Thanks for the great post.

Wow That's was some insite and so true haha Ive done a few of those things already with the ex and even though my situation is still so undecided and confusing because he broke it off and now wants me back but with ridiculous catches i.e.. Not living togther 4 6 months once this lease ends even though we have been living together for just over 4 yrs and wore together nearly 5yrs, but after reading this its made me realise a few things, so thank you for posting it.
Cheers

[I]Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. [I]

Wonderful post! I just broke out a month ego from my longdistance relationship. I thought if I do it and not him, it will be easier for me. But No, not really I still think of him a lot, but No contact at all! Doesn't matter who makes the first step and breaks up it is still very painful.
Since then I everyday beat myself up, what and how I did ''my break up'', but that time I could not do better. But after reading this post I have to forgive myself and be happy that I did it and not to concentrate on how...

Thanks for writing that! I have something to add.
When I was in such despair because my husband was breaking up with me and leaving me with a baby in my belly- I was so sad.
I found something that helped me out A lot!
Close your eyes.
Think of him and you as you both are connected with thick ropes.
See how you are connected together- attatched.
Then cut those ropes with an ax - It will make you free, it will make you happier, and then get ready for freedom. If they really want to come back to you, they will instantly feel the discord of you cutting the cord sort of speak- then they will come back. If not then you are free.

No contact is really tough, you have to fight yourself everyday not to go back and ask to try again I wished I could go back and stop this whole situation from happening but I cant. It's a difficult one there's a lot of emotions flying around and its so confusing I have left my ex alone and haven't contacted her, she has contacted me with a text (not about us) so I've ignored it just all of my emotions have came flooding back since she did it and even though I've been 3 weeks n/c I'm feel like I'm back at day 1!

Wow, reading this actually helped the pain, the hurt I'm feeling. Thank you!!

Thanks for writing that! I have something to add.
When I was in such despair because my husband was breaking up with me and leaving me with a baby in my belly- I was so sad.
I found something that helped me out A lot!!
Close your eyes.
Think of him and you as you both are connected with thick ropes.
See how you are connected together- attatched.
Then cut those ropes with an ax - It will make you free, it will make you happier, and then get ready for freedom. If they really want to come back to you, they will instantly feel the discord of you cutting the cord sort of speak- then they will come back. If not then you are free.


*smiles*

Nice!

Breaking up sucks! But its usually for the best

For the best or for the beast?
*sobs*

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Wow thanks i reallly needed that
I been doubt full myself right now thanks
Life will get better
Thanks 's really thanks a lot :)

Hay when u get dumped,





ITS GREAT, BECAUSE YOU ARE SINGLE AGAIN, AND YOU GOT ANOTHER CHANCE TO FUN AROUND, u know what I mean... lolz

Though I Have never experienced it,

Thanks for the post.

This one post probably has helped me so much that I could not put it into words. Great post.

Just WOW

I laughed, cried and laughed some more... BRAVO

Wow... JUST letting you know.. this was wonderful n written beautifully.. it helps... it really does.

Brilliant, top of the line post...
You got it all here, just about EVERYTHING I went through

... Adios :)

Im one month in... and I've never cried over a girl I've never tried to win a girl back... but This girl is something else... I feel like crying at the drop of a dime... Im on my third day of "no contact" and its driving me crazy... I seen her come online and I want to send her a message... I even type it out but my mouse finds the red x instead of the send button (which I'm very thankful for having the strength to do so)... I know it will be a long hard road to travel...

I know now what it takes... and even though I'm very slowly moving on to heal... if she were to ask for anything of me... I know I wouldn't be able to resist... and that's the sad part... Because I still whole heartedly would do anything for this girl...

Wo your post is right, I've been through this before and I have always managed to find something better...

Cry! Noh!

*smiles*

I love this post. Hilarious. I can really relate to the part where people act nuts right after the breakup. I had a particularly embarrassing moment during my divorce. I had an innocent crush on a friend of my husband's years before we were married, and didn't even know they knew each other until well after the marriage. We all ended up reconnecting and being good friends, and I continued to think he was a great catch and hoped he would find Mrs. Wonderful, though I was happy in my marriage and no longer had personal feelings for him.

When my husband walked out and I was caught totally by surprise, I had all kinds of confused emotions including an ill-informed desire to date this guy. Of course he was totally wrong for me and wasn't interested anyway, but I was too stupid to see it and ended up spilling my guts to him, while crying, and scaring the crap out of him because he had no idea what to do to comfort his buddy's former wife who was crying! He walked me to my car and gave me a hug, only it gets worse.

I had been in an accident that week and had a rental car, and when I got in the car, realized it was not my rental car! With him standing by the window, which was open, I had to say, "Hm. Excuse me. Wrong car." I got in the rental car, and drove off. I've never seen the guy since and it's been years!

At the time, I was so embarrassed I would have done anything to fix things but now I just think it's hilarious. Time does heal most wounds!

Nice story lacuran :-)

O.M.G thats AWESOME !!!

I've been through heas ov those situations...
So truE!
WoW!!

This is just what I needed at the right time. It's things like this that are important!

I just wantd to know what are you up to these days ?
Please do give us your updates FRIEND4U 178

We all here wuold like to hear from you.
As you will too feel better if you share with us.

Hi sovaira
I'm still here on the Desk most days reading and answering questions where I feel I can help out. And I am doing just fine. Thank you for asking :-)

Thank you so much. I'm trying to completely let go of someone who has been pulling me along on a string, wants to date other women, but doesn't want to give me up.
I guess the hardest part is thinking that me leaving him probably won't affect him that much. How could it if he was willing to knowingly jeopardize the relationship?
I know that shouldn't be my focus right now, but it is the focus of my ego.
Should I email him and tell him never contact me again, or just not answer his emails and phone calls?
I think no contact is best?
Do you think he'll even care if I never contact him again? Right now he is off on a dance festival weekend without me (he had originally invited me, and then lied saying it was sold out), trying to meet other women, I assume. Or else he would have brought me. I know he will call when he gets back, because he always does and I always go back.
Do you think he'll care if I don't?

I always go back.
Do you think he'll care if I don't?
The first thing you need to know is its not about him any more, its about you!! Disappear from his life, and don't answer his calls. Let him wonder, not you!

But do you think he will wonder and if it will really bother him? We've been talking everyday and going out for 6 months.

All of that needs to change, by disappearing from his life and ignoring his calls. Then he can't lie to you any more.

True. Do you think he'll be happier without me?

He is a liar, and do you really think I can speak for him or know what he thinks? Judging by his actions, he cares only for himself. Maybe that's why he can lie, to get what he wants.

true. do you think he'll be happier without me?

Don't worry about what makes him happy. Worry about what makes YOU happy. Take your life back and don't let anyone manipulate you with lies.

true. do you think he'll be happier without me?
Dear dancewriter.. no matter how many threads you jump to to ask the same questions, it still will not change the fact that he does not care!
Either you are secure in a relationship or you are not - and right now, you are confused and are going in the wrong direction. Stop jumping around posts, settle down and think things through. You might care about this jerk, but you care too much about how he cares about your actions, which you have absolutely no control over, and will never find out, no matter how many of us you ask.
You have to start thinking about YOURSELF, your feelings, your goals, your happiness - and NOT him! Stop clinging to something that you can't reach - and should not even worry about any more. His signals are clear to everyone else but you.. hello.. you are hurting yourself. Do you deserve to chastize yourself so much? I don't think so. You deserve better than what he can ever dish out. Get this dude out of your head and get your own life back.
We all have suggested that you go on and start living and enjoying yourself without being obsessed with this creap and I sincerely hope you take our advice serious.
It's your move next.
Keep us posted on your original thread about 'rebound' so that I don't have to jump around, please.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE) He's not going to change for you... You need to change for YOU!

thank you so much. i'm trying to completely let go of someone who has been pulling me along on a string, wants to date other women, but doesn't want to give me up.
i guess the hardest part is thinking that me leaving him probably won't affect him that much. how could it if he was willing to knowingly jeopardize the relationship?
i know that shouldn't be my focus right now, but it is the focus of my ego.
should i email him and tell him never contact me again, or just not answer his emails and phone calls?
i think no contact is best?
do you think he'll even care if i never contact him again? right now he is off on a dance festival weekend without me (he had originally invited me, and then lied saying it was sold out), trying to meet other women, i assume. or else he would have brought me. i know he will call when he gets back, because he always does and i always go back.
do you think he'll care if i don't?

Hi Dancewriter, I just went through something similar, although not quite as extreme. Another older guy coming out of a long marriage who wants to play, but fell hard for me "unexpectedly." I tried to break off repeatedly because I could see he was bad news and everybody here told me to dump him. But somehow he'd always talk me into talking to him "for a few minutes" or letting him see me "one last time, just to hug me and say good bye." I'm a total softy. Before you know it I was sucked back in.

He did eventually stop dating others, but he was still a jerk, and as of last weekend, we are thankfully officially broken up. I feel like a train wreck, but I am still SOOO glad to be rid of him. He gave me his password several times (who knows why), so I finally gave into temptation and looked today, and in just 6 days, he's written to something like 50 women at a dating site and had long conversations with another half dozen at least. And that was a week when he had his son to look after. I expect next week, when he's alone, he'll get more action. Meanwhile, he wrote to me yesterday to tell me how heartbroken he was. Snicker. He has dating mania.

You ex boyfriend does not care. He is too busy to care and you should not think for a minute that he cares about you. You were simply convenient and, perhaps, unobjectionable. I agree he will likely call you when he gets back from his "dance" festival.

Don't take his calls! Block his number. This man is driving you nuts and he will give you an std if you let him.

Don't talk to him. You are obviously weak and cannot afford to spend another minute in his company.
Asking

Hi did call as soon as he got back to town and left a voice message. I did not answer. He usually calls me everyday, so we'll see how long he keeps that up if I don't answer him.
I know he doesn't care, which sucks. If he does care, it's in a really ed up way and obviously not enuf not to push me away. I don't even want him to care anymore. He's so screwed up because all the lying, I never know who he really is.
I don't think he cares about anything really. Except his job and himself and he's kind of sad his marriage ended.
Anyway, I just got back from a co-dependency 12 step meeting (my first in many years) and it was really good. I think I'm going to go next Sunday night too.

Thanks for writing. Let me know how the break up goes. How did you finally get rid of him and how long did you date?
Whatever that password thing is, get yourself off the list. Get off Facebook, or whatever. And get on with another name.

Dear asking and dancerwriter. Just a reminder of what this thread is about... and I suggest that you two start new threads of your own so that we can follow-up and concentrate on your particular issues there. It is easy, all you have to do is 'ask a new question' and vent there. That way you will get our full attention and more people can answer to you individually.


I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!

Dear asking and dancerwriter. Just a reminder of what this thread is about...

Apologies!
Asking

Apologies!
Asking

None necessary my dear. I just think it is easier to concentrate on your issue and questions when I don't have to look for them. I don't usually come to this thread because it is a 'sticky' and we don't expect people to ask new questions here, that's all. Please don't think you were wrong in posting, we are here for you and want to help. I hope to see more of you here on the site.

C.U. on the forum.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

None necessary my dear. I just think it is easier to concentrate on your issue and questions when I don't have to look for them. I don't usually come to this thread because it is a 'sticky' and we don't expect people to ask new questions here, that's all. Please don't think you were wrong in posting, we are here for you and want to help. I hope to see more of you here on the site.

C.U. on the forum.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Yep exactly... I understand how people ask questions here and that's why we try to redirect you to the forum so you can ask your question/tell your story. That way you will all get a better audience and far more answers.

Thank you again Chery... had to spread the rep :-)

Wow, F4U, I just found this, I was looking for some advice to give my cousin, her husband asked for a divorce yesterday. I will definitely read her your post. All I can say is WOW! Really, write a book, you have an amazing gift.

Heartache

That's a great post! You cover most what all of us at some point will have to go through after a break up!

Wow; first post I read. I was directed here by my mother as I'm going on week 2 of being dumped. You've said everything and anything that I wanted to hear. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Wow; first post I read. I was directed here by my mother as I'm going on week 2 of being dumped. You've said everything and anything that I wanted to hear. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Hi missdw
I'm glad this post helped you , there are many other good posts on this forum so keep reading.

I wish you luck :)

Ps: so your mother is a member on here?

Hi friend that I spot on , the thing is I contacted my ex the other day after she broke up with a guy she was seeing staright after me and we are meeting up for a drink . I know I shouldn't do it but I just feel I have to for some reason

I love what you have posted... as of today I just recently ended a almost 5 year relationship. It's the hardest thing I will ever do... He didn't make it any easier when he came over sobbing and asking me why or how I could do this. I feel in my heart its right for the molment I'm not giving the relationship the full 100 % that I should have been. Who knows if we will get back together I guess if its meant to be it will happen. As far as the contact thing goes I want to avoid him completely do you think that will last? Or do you think it is just because this is the very first day we broke up? This is so hard already and I think I'm in like shock even though I broke up with him... its kind of like it hasn't set in yet that I will no longer call him when I get off work or have movie night every Saturday night. Am I a horrible person I feel like I just murdered someone
Reading your post made me feel a little better knowing that its going to get better day by day I just don't know if I can control this hurt inside me

Please comment me back if you have anything else you think would help me

Dear britster: why did you break up?

dear britster: why did you break up?

I broke up with him because I feel like he is into the relationship 100% and I'm in it about 80 and that's not fair to him. He wants us to get a house together and get on with our future and to be honest with you... im sick of answerin to someone I love him so much but I want to be free and do my own thing.. I know "me and my boyfriend" I don't really know who me is. Its so hard to explain and its so hard to deal with this pain. I keep comferting myself by having the idea in my head were going to get back together but in reality I would really like to take a long break. As long as I keep that idea in my head... I won't feel the pain as much or so I think. I just hate this whole situation. Have you ever been through this?

Do you have any tips or anything to help?:confused:

There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.


It has been 2 weeks since I have seen my husband this time. I have given in and taken him back 10 x over the past 2 years. Although there were some good times, things never really changed. He would not live up to his promise to forgive, forget so we could move on. Thank you for this great post! I am definitely experiencing pain... I need to understand why. There are parts of me that know I was the culprit at times... I grew tired of trying. I am a basket case, even though I was the one who ultimately broke up with him. It really hurts. I miss him. I broke up with him for all of the right reasons, yes. I guess I am trying to say that it hurts because I believe love never ends, and I realize I was never really loved by him. I was conned. In the process I exposed the my deepest inner being and he responded with disrespect, verbal abuse and threats of violence. My intuition is telling me to expect an even bigger shock... I am not so sure if he may be seeing a "friend" of mine since she is avoiding me at all costs. Sometimes I feel like I am having a breakdown from all the bills and other times I feel confident and just don't care. I am so paranoid, I really can't wait till this passes. I guess it will get worse before it gets better. Letting go is serious business. I am in no condition to be myself with a new man... they would think I was a nutjob. You are so right about that. Doing something for yourself helps, but the pain has a way of creeping up on you.

Thank you this is exactly what I'm going through and I tell you it hurts like hell to face the reality that we might not ever get back together

Simply amazing my buddy.. truly brilliant... I thought I was the only guy in the world going through the pains and heartburn all these painful days , but today I can console myself saying that it was completely natural and life needs me to carry on and move forward hoping for better days.. thanks pal..

After getting dumped I found a small solace to the huge loss I'm suffereing in my life...

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
That was so nice to read that everyone bascially goes through the same things... but it still does hurt... lots:(

Friend.

Thank you.

I have read this several time over and can't seem to get enough of it. During such a difficult time in my life, this really spurs on hope for my future and what to expect of the rough times that I am going to experience. I expect to refer back to this time and time again to keep my head straight and my thoughts focused.

Friend.

Thank you.

I have read this several time over and can't seem to get enough of it. During such a difficult time in my life, this really spurs on hope for my future and what to expect of the rough times that I am going to experience. I expect to refer back to this time and time again to keep my head straight and my thoughts focused.

Hi moving
I'm glad this helped you to some extent as it has so many others. There is some real good reading on this site so do so , it will help you not only to understand that your not alone in having these feelings but also how to minimise the pain to a certain extent.

I wish you luck , it's not easy my friend but there are some wonderful people on here that you can just vent to and ask advise off as you go through this journey.

Thank you friend.

I know it's a long road, but I am still young and in good shape so until it hit some mountains, it should be a good hike of life. I'll just have to remember to stop every now and then to admire the beauty of the scenery.

Yes, vent and ask for advice. Sometimes people look back on a horrific breakup and realize it's the best thing that could have EVER happened!!

Be good to you!!
Susan

THat was amazing.

That was true insight.

Thank you so, so much.

I feel a little light flicker inside me now, it's the determination that I will NOT let this change me, and I WILL be happy as I deserve to be.

Any tips for when you break up with someone when u still love them, but you know its for the best? I find I keep telling myself I should have "held on a little longer"...

THat was amazing.

That was true insight.

Thank you so, so much.

I feel a little light flicker inside me now, its the determination that i will NOT let this change me, and I WILL be happy as I deserve to be.

Any tips for when you break up with someone when u still love them, but you know its for the best?? I find I keep telling myself I should have "held on a little longer"....
Click on the No Contact Calender in my signature. You will understand your not alone in the way you feel.

Excellent and thank you. Sounds like you are familiar with 12 steps.

That is so true I laugh looking back at it
I just wish it was there for me like three years ago when I really needed it ! l.o.l
I hope more people read this and it gets through to them it will save them a lot of heart break...

That was truly great, friend4u!! Thank you so much for writing this! I know I am in the beginning stages of the healing process, but reading your post is so inspirational to me. Thank you!!

Nice to know this thread never gets old. :) I just let another "relationship" bite the dust, and I probably overreacted in annoyance and anger. I think I did a pretty fantastic job of coming off crazy, but at least I didn't overdo it this time... -__-

Man, I hate myself sometimes. What did I learn from the last relationship before them? Oh right... I turn into a crazy person when it's LONG DISTANCE so why did I think it'd turn out differently this time around?

Dear lord. Hopefully, I've learned my lesson! :T

I hope you learned your lesson also, but why do you still go for those long distance things, is my question?

Lol. It's not like I go looking for them! They just happen. It's purely circumstantial.. uunfortunately.

Hmmmm, you mean you don't ask where they live before you fall in so deep?

THIS IS AMAZINGGGG. Thank you so so so so so much

You have no idea how much this helps me.

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
That was amazing I cried while reading it. I'm going through the same things you wrote about let alone did all those stupid things and I know I'll be OK in do time. Its just getting there and struggling. Thank you so much you gave me hope, I'm not the only one going through this!!

I would like to put in my two cents. Here are 4 Hidden Secrets to win your ex back if you are dumped and really want to get him or her back.

I know you must be afraid that you are on your own once more knowing that you have been in a relationship for so long. You may be feeling desperate right now and possible panic along with anger and insecurity. Don’t get into a panic state yet because there are ways to find solutions. The minute you panic, the more you will be tossed against the wind and not able to think clearly about your next move.

I know you want to go back and erase the past, but let’s be real. The past is in the past. You need to face the present and your future. You might want to say things to make up for what happened, but you may just say the wrong things, so be careful of what you say. Here are some key things that you should never ever do.

Make your affections known. Don’t try to be cute or have an ego. If you really love this person, you will get rid of the pride and go with your feelings. However, don’t be overly dramatic and shower too much unwanted affection. Your ex may need more time to get their thoughts together, so be very sensitive of their feelings. Let them know how you feel in a discreet manner.

You can give your ex time to work their feelings out, but keep in touch on a weekly basis without pressuring them. You don’t want them to lose interest entirely or think that you no longer have an interest. Calling them occasionally will let them see that you are thinking about them. Not calling at all is room for failure.

Never be fearful of whether you will get your ex back or not. If you invite fear, then that is when desperation sets in. Give your ex some room to realize that he or she really love you and loved your company. They will begin to miss you, if they really cared about you.
All the bad memories would have been dissolved and created an opportunity to start afresh.

Get on with your life. Don’t stay home and mope around the house and listen to sad songs or cry. Of course, you will feed down and out for a few weeks, but gather yourself together and begin entertaining the idea of going out with friends. Make sure these are the same friends of your ex in the same circle. You want your ex to know that you are not obsessed. Your ex will always admire your outgoing personality and may even feel a little jealous that you are able to get on with your life. This creates a sense of curiosity and your ex may want to find out how and why you are doing this.

Do not center your attention only on your ex as the way to live your life. You will have many opportunities to meet another person who you deserve and who deserves you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your failed relationship does not determine that you won’t be ever happy again.

However, fight for your man or woman until you see that it is futile. Don’t give up easily if you really care for that person and think that they too, do care for you. Don’t stalk your ex or be too pushy. That won’t work. Give them time and in the meantime, you may want to drop them a note telling them you are thinking about them. Send a “thinking about you,” card. This is a reminder that you are still available and want to talk things over. You could even mention that in the card.

This is the way to begin your fight to get your ex back into your life. Don’t use this experience to judge all relationships if it does not work out. This may just be a learning experience for you to use in your next relationship

What a brilliant post. Im only 3 days into my break up and already I feel a lot better. I've sone all those things you stated, and yeah I do regret most of them. Im not going to make anymore contact. Thanks for your help!!

Oh! My God! That was brilliant.

Let’s hope everyone hurting from relationship fallout reads it.

I wish you a wonderful life from here on in.

Wow!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
A great piece, but I do want my girl friend back! I am in the early stages I suppose.

This was an incredible post! It immediately causes a flashback of how things were handled with my last break up. Fortunately, I now realize how that previous relationship has taught me so many things about life, love, hurt, everything. You nailed all of the facts though! I'm very impressed.

A great piece, but I do want my girl friend back! I am in the early stages I suppose.

It just takes time , its not easy but you can make it quicker and easier on yourself by letting go and starting your healing process.

This was an incredible post! It immediately causes a flashback of how things were handled with my last break up. Fortunately, I now realize how that previous relationship has taught me so many things about life, love, hurt, everything. You nailed all of the facts though! I'm very impressed.

Thank you

Its amazing how we live and learn.

nice...
worth reading your post...
Its too hard not to recall your past memories. As feelings can be changed but memories don't. And as you mentioned that possibility of getting back your X is 3%.
So I will recommend that "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning how to dance in rain."

nice...
worth reading ur post....
Its too hard not to recall your past memories. As feelings can be changed but memories dont. And as you mentioned that possiblity of getting back your X is 3%.
So i will recomend that "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning how to dance in rain."

Nice
Love the quote! :)

Wow That's was some awesome article!

I miss her so much, I miss holding hands with her and having her lie on my shoulder. She makes me feel like she does still like me sometimes i.e. she messages me a lot and calls me out for dinners with her friends and says your so sweet. But when I call her to go out she says she's bzy. We've chatted about this... she says it doesn't feel rite yet. :(

I've been trying to not contact her.
It feels like everything is going wrong my job/relationship life.
I know time will let me forget her, but its still painful in the heart.

I Hope my mind can stop thinking about her soon

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Thanks so much for this comforting post, so surreal it could have been a blow my blow account of what has happened with my ex. I am still pretty raw but it helps so much to know I am not alone in the things I have done, thought and felt. Thank You a Million Times Over.

Amazing post! It took me about half a year to forget about one ex. It helped me to start date another guy to move my focus away like a month after break up.

But it is a poor choice obviously, now I am facing another breakup... so people don't get into another relationship too soon...

But it is a poor choice obviously, now i am facing another breakup....so people don't get into another relationship too soon....

Check this out. I couldn't resist posting them because they are so relevant to this post. Apologies if it depresses anyone, but I think it quite accurate.

LINK:
YouTube - Tales Of Mere Existence "How To Break Up" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U&feature=user)

Glad you guys enjoyed it, too. :)

Check this out. I couldn't resist posting them because they are so relevant to this post. Apologies if it depresses anyone, but I think it quite accurate.

LINK:
YouTube - Tales Of Mere Existence "How To Break Up" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U&feature=user)

A new Lev fan has just been born. I like it. Thanks for sharing.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Check this out. I couldn't resist posting them because they are so relevant to this post. Apologies if it depresses anyone, but I think it quite accurate.

LINK:
YouTube - Tales Of Mere Existence "How To Break Up" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U&feature=user)

LMAO... thanks for sharing jilted , Loved it :)

This really helped me out a lot!! Now I'm ready to move on.

Wow!

Friend4U178 you have made my day. It is such a brilliant read and it is so very true. I have just split up about 3 weeks ago with my ex of 1.5 years and we met again last Monday. I asked him to get back because I still love him. He said he loves me still but he is not sure cause he is still hurting from the last months (we had a horrible time). He said he was going to see me this Sunday and let me know time/place, etc to tell me his decision.

I sent him a text with a kiss the next morning to which I did not get anything back.

I know what is next, and decided to move on 2 days ago and I am feeling much better, but I was still wondering in my head if he was going to call me for Sunday and what is he using this time for? etc... Well, that has all vanished after reading this. It is a confirmation of my worth as a human being.

I will now stop wondering about him and go about my own life, which si the important one. Need to clean my flat, need to start doing some work (yes, I was that bad!) and going out with friends (who are very fed up really) LOL... I know there will be 'down' days but on those days I will be reading this again...

I can only say thank you for posting this.

Wow!

friend4U178 you have made my day. It is such a brilliant read and it is so very true. I have just split up about 3 weeks ago with my ex of 1.5 years and we met again last Monday. I asked him to get back because I still love him. He said he loves me still but he is not sure cause he is still hurting from the last months (we had a horrible time). he said he was going to see me this Sunday and let me know time/place, etc to tell me his decision.

I sent him a text with a kiss the next morning to which I did not get anything back.

I know what is next, and decided to move on 2 days ago and I am feeling much better, but I was still wondering in my head if he was going to call me for Sunday and what is he using this time for?, etc.... Well, that has all vanished after reading this. It is a confirmation of my worth as a human being.

I will now stop wondering about him and go about my own life, which si the important one. Need to clean my flat, need to start doing some work (yes, I was that bad!) and going out with friends (who are very fed up really) LOL... I know there will be 'down' days but on those days I will be reading this again....

I can only say thank you for posting this.

Hi Jeile
So glad this has helped you , I must admit when I first posted this I had no idea it would get such a positive reaction. Some of the comments I've received on this thread have been quite humbling.
Thankyou:)

Hi There,

After that posting I got a call from him and we are going to give it another go, taking into account the things that went wrong in the first instance. Giving each other space and let the other be more independent. It will take lots of commitment, time and compromising. We are going to take it slowly and rebuild our relationship. Hopefully this time around will be forever... :-)

Cheers

J

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Thank You

Give more... expect less.. u won't be hurt much!. High expectations some times hurts u more when u didn't get what u want...

Termi

I made the decision to break up with my ex, afte 6 years, and I have moved on to another relationship. Not mirroring the old one, but I have to say a lot of what you say is bang on. Especially the bit about the pain receding bit by bit.

In someways being the one who initiates the break up can be more difficult that receiving the news(not always true); especially if you are not sure you are making the right decision.


The one thing I would add more emphasis to, and it effercts both sides regarless of who did the deed, and that is that time, with no contact between the two ex-partners is what will ultimately either resolve the relationship and bring you back together, or give you closure. This time apart allows both to move from the raw emotional stage of why has this happened/my world is over, to a stage where you remain upset, but begin to think slightly more rationally about the relationship as a whole, rather than focusing on the nasty end.

Good job

Great post! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who after being dump wants to get back together with my ex. Its also good to know that getting back with the ex doesn't happen so its better not to hold on to that hope and just move on. If it happens it happens if it doesn't live goes on because someone suvived it.

Very well said you have great knowledge and I always like to hear people express themselves in writing that's great. I will use some of you knowledge at some point to help others out too. Bless you,

It was a good article. Recently, I broke-up 10 years relationship with my boy friend who is a married man. I am in so much pain. He has been supporting me for past 10 years, and he doesn't pick up the phone or msn. Help! Any idea!

Hi
Click on the link below , then click the ORANGE "Ask about Relationships" button and tell your story on the forum , you will get people giving you advice once they know your story.

Good Luck!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

Thank you. An excellent post... Very true.. and gives hope...

Great Post! I myself have been back and fourth and have grown tremendously in the past year. I have had some setbacks. Mainly allowing me and my ex to become physical again which caused the wound to re-open and make me feel like we are breaking up all over again. In my original post people commented it sounded like bad timing and I still do believe that is possible. However I do feel that I have learned to love myself more then I ever have. I also have learned to truly appreciate being single and having me time. Still a work in progress allot farther along then I have ever been in my life and I don't regret a second I spent with my ex. If its meant to be it will be. Im just glad I have learned to appreciate who I am and what I bring to the table.

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Wow I was just crying over my break up with my fiancé till I read this, this really made me feel so much better! Thank you you sure a brilliant

I loved and looved it :)

It was a good article. Recently, I broke-up 10 years relationship with my boy friend who is a married man. I am in so much pain. He has been supporting me for past 10 years, and he doesn't pick up the phone or msn. Help!! any idea!

You really need to tell your own story in a new thread so that we can concentrate on your issue and help as much as we can, dear.

C.U. on your own posts.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Amen!

I really don't know what to say I need a man in my life urgently it has been ike an hournhejust waloked out I feel like committing suicidei really need someone to talk to

i really dont know what to say i need a man in my life urgently it has been ike an hournhejust waloked out i feel like comiting suicidei really need somone to talk to

Hi chin4qte4u
Just click the link below and then click on the orange "Ask question about Relationship" button at the top left of the page. Then you can tell your story and people will come along and give you advise.

Best wishes!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
Now THAT was hitting it on the head. I don't know who you are or where you live, but how the hell were you able to know my feelings and thoughts for the last 3 months? I guess we are all in the same boat. I used to think I was hurt more that anyone in history. Appearently not.
These females are just plain dangerous. They move on quickly as we destroy ourselves over it. Wow, we are babies. That was an excellent post!! Thank you

I am going through the loss of losing the one girl that I fell in love with. She showed me what it was like to have someone outside family truly mean something to me. She showed me how to love in essence. This post made me feel like what I'm going through right now. All this pain and sorrow isn't just something that has only happened to me. Reading this made me feel like if you can get trough this so can I. I thank you so very much for being there for me when I don't even really know you. You truly are someone who cares for people.

Yes I have been apart from my ex for over a year... I allowed us to be physical again several months ago and again I was hurt... I am not just hitting a month again of NC and trust me it does get easier as time heals the wounds I see now the key is not allowing those wounds to be re-opened. Set your boundaries and if they don't respect them then they don't deserve you. Good luck every 1 :)

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!
I should have read this first. So true... right now I feel like ill never get over this or give up the hope that we could get back together. I know it won't happen and I just have to be a bit stronger!

Wow a lot of deep thought

This is just WOWWWWWWWWWW...

I have no words to express how good I feel after I read your post

Thanks :)

Brillaint post.. I'm at the point of serious no contact now, I've tried all the other options I was hoping for, so I'm glad in way that I'm being forced to no contact what so ever, I'm pretty terrified of hooking up with a new girl though, trust was a big turn on for me.

I wish I read this before I was writing poems, sending cards and gifts begging, you described me in that post

I chased, I lost weight I neglected my house, I'm not even thinking anything at work, my ex is already talking to another guy, I did search in Google for how to get your ex back etc. :(, I'm serious about NC now though,m I want to reach the last stage:(

Oh! My God! That was brilliant.

Let’s hope everyone hurting from relationship fallout reads it.

I wish you a wonderful life from here on in.

You are so absolutely right! Well said a standing ''ovation'' :D

Thanks,this saved me

Wonderfully written ! I am at cross roads myself. I have been with a girl for about 5 years now. She has a voracious temper but also a voracious compassion. We have been in a long distance relationship for at least 2/3 of the relationship. Things were fine, I visited her as often as I could. I had planned to visit her at the end of the year but this time she said no. She said that I can only visit her in another country or she will come and visit me... I think she is giving me signals to let her go...

My ex just one day dumped me. I couldn't figure it out. I never called her so in 4 days she called me and asked if I was allright. I replied for her to respect my wishes. I need time to heal. Then I emailed to try to find the answer. All she could say I need to get a job. And she couldn't face me to tell me we are beaking up. I have allways work I got laid off and was trying to figure out what kind of work I was going to get into. She is an alcoholic. I keep thinking their was something that I have done wrong? When we first met she said I was too nice of a guy to hurt but she runs from every guy she has a realonship with. She also was in abusive relationships before we met. What is your opinion.

My ex just one day dumped me. I couldn't figure it out. I never called her so in 4 days she called me and asked if I was allright. I replied for her to respect my wishes. I need time to heal. Then I emailed to try to find the answer. All she could say I need to get a job. And she couldn't face me to tell me we are beaking up. I have allways work I got laid off and was trying to figure out what kind of work I was going to get into. She is an alcoholic. I keep thinking their was something that I have done wrong? When we first met she said I was too nice of a guy to hurt but she runs from every guy she has a realonship with. She also was in abusive relationships before we met. What is your opinion.

my ex just one day dumped me. i couldnt figure it out. i never called her so in 4 days she called me and asked if i was allright. i replied for her to respect my wishes. i need time to heal. then i emailed to try to find the answer. all she could say i need to get a job. and she couldnt face me to tell me we are beaking up. i have allways work i got layed off and was trying to figure out what kind of work i was going to get into. she is an alcholic. i keep thinking their was something that i have done wrong? when we first met she said i was too nice of a guy to hurt but she runs from every guy she has a realonship with. she also was in abusive relationships before we met. what is your opinion.

Hi elvisasrick
Just click the link below and then click on the orange "Ask question about Relationship" button at the top left of the page. Then you can tell your story and people will come along and give you advise.

Best wishes!

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)

It seems that I always meander back to this website after a so-called breakup. Having read this list from a previous breakup really helped me to act with as much composure, respect, and maturity as possible (for me) when I experienced a breakup this time around. It hasn't even been 24 hours and I'm afraid that I'll get weak and act in a regretful way. I hope that I can keep this list in mind and be strong.



Sadly, it doesn't mean that I'm not hurting...

Omg this was amazing!! It really did help me a lot. I am going to read this everyday for mental support :) thank you!!

So my boyfriend just dumped me and that totally sounded like I could have written it.. my only thing is.. what happens if hasn't started dating someone else.. he says that's not what its about.. do you think there is more of a chance for it to work if he hasn't started dating anyone else?

This post had tons of great information in it and as someone who just joined this community maybe two days ago because I was on the frantic Internet "Break-up Help" quest and just happened to find this gem, I for one am taking a lot of this to heart to avoid a lot of bad situations I'm sure would arise if I did what my heart tells me is right but my brain tells me is stupid.

I am 7 days into "I Need My Space" with no comunication from her. On the 6th day I sent her a text simply saying, Would you like to talk? My gut tells me it's over. Your post will help me be less pathetic. Thank You

You isn't pathetic, your just trying to deal with a situation, which you cared deeply about. Your worth more than waiting around for her,

Reallly excellent..
Believe me I had a break up recently and many things you wrote happened with me..

Thanzzzz for your advices it really worksss

Oh yes I have read this and I have totally done everything. I had boyfriend who me and him was planning on getting married. Had a ring and a house. Then one day he calls. Let me repeat. He CALLS to say it's over. Just when five hours earlier he tells me how much he loves me. I cried for all of last year. I thought my life was over. I begged, pleaded, anything you can think of, just get him to love me again. When all along I knew somewhere he wouldn't come back to me. I later found out where he had been e-mailing other girls (or so he called 'friends') about me. Making up lies and twisting around everything that I said or done. Which really hurt, because I thougt I really knew him. But I guess sometimes you never really know someone, at least in my case. Well anyway to make a long story short... I finally learned to let go, and each time I did he'd come crawling back, and each time he treated me the same way, till about 3 or 4 months ago when I found someone who makes my heart truly skip a beat. Someone who really cares about me and appreciates me. We talked for the longest time, but I wasn't about to start dating again. Because I had set my mind to never let someone in again. But... the poor guy was really wanting to date me, and each time I played with him and never really said yes or no he'd have this look on his face that was kind of sad, and it sort of told me I was treating him unfair. Not giving him a chance, knowing he's not the one who broke my heart, but sort of blaiming him. So I gave in and finally said yes. And I've totally forgotten about my ex... because now... all I see is my new love. He's been really hurt too, so maybe in a strange way, I'm glad I went through that heartbreak(not that I would want to go through it again), because I really am appreciative of the man I have now.

Tears come to my eyes as I was reading this, I feel that I am about to be in a break up. So reading this helps thanks for writing it

Lady_rose

This is beautiful... you could not have said it any better! You are sooooo right.

You made us all feel normal in our time of doubt! :) YAY!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!

I posted on here recently with a thread about losing my true love because of family race problems and have just taken the time to bother reading some of the stickies on this site and this one is brilliant. It pretty much sums up everything I have been feeling and could see myself doing.

It also tells me what I know I need to do, but just made me smile that someone summed it all up in one post.

Brilliant.

WOW!! This is seriously a good good post! Gives everyone such a lot to think about and takes away the shame of the "things we wish we'd never done"! Thank you... seriously! Xx

What spectacular advice... I'm overwhelmed by the absolute truth your words hold. Wow.