That's one amazing reality check! :)

How nice, I read all this after I mess up. Just my luck. I'm laughing at myself.

How nice, I read all this after I mess up. Just my luck. I'm laughing at myself.

Your not the first and you won't be the last!!

Glad you can laugh about it though :)

Anyone else want to say die u stupid die u mothaf***a u...
Ahhhhh... How does it work out that all this crap was on here but I messed up then read it... She has to win..

Anyone else wanna say die u stupid die u mothaf***a u...
Ahhhhh....How does it work out that all this crap was on here but I messed up then read it...She has to win..
When you want to ask a question and go to a subject like Relationships, you'll notice that there are 'stickies'... it is recommended that these be read first - that's why they are there.
We don't call anyone names, we don't judge, we just take each issue and try and give advice as best as we can. The stickies will be recommended to those of you who come here because we've all gone through similar experiences... it's really nothing new to anyone because we are all human and make our mistakes and learn from them. We just pass it on to show that you are not the only one with problems.
Please try not to cuss - it's not cool and not needed.

Good luck in your next relationship.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

I apologize I won't I just had to that one time.
Thanks for the responses.

That made me cry my eyes out.

It was brilliant of course.
Very very true.

I actually printed this out and every time I feel low I read this.

Assuming all of us have been left, where are all you nice people to be met? I do know time takes care of everything, it just seems too long sometimes.

What a great post! I was the one who broke out of most reason relationship and I'm in pain, real serious heartache pain. I didn't want it to end, but it was necassery for me to leave because we are a very bad match...

Still I wake up everymorning in pain, with my chest filled with grief

You post was brilliant!! Thank you for sharing!

Oh my goodness!the same thing happened to me with the id thing only with me it was my licence the morning after I broke up with my ex.as u said pitiful.haha

Amazing!!

Very well said. I am currently going through some stuff in a long distance relationship and I can honestly say that after reading that gave me more of a boost on how to handle the situation. I loved it

Wow. This made me ball my eyes out. I went through pretty much all of this... its like you are writing about the last 2 months of my life. I feel so much better having read this... I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it just seems that it got a lot brigher.

At the same time it scares me. We broke up because of circumstances... part of a LDR. But I know now there was more to it than that, ultimately we broke up because she lost attraction to me. I stopped being the guy who I was when we met...

So I have definitely learnt lessons from this, this break up is part of my life story. I needed to go through it, even though it has been the darkest period of my life.

I still think we might be in that lucky 3% who get back together, but I'm not holding my breath and just focusing on getting myself back. But I can see now how if we do get back together it could well be tarnished by what I now know.

It hasn't taken her long to find a new "friend" who she is already screwing most nights. She has slotted him in as my replacement. But I take solace from the fact she is only doing it to numb her pain from our breakup. She is one of those girls who cannot handle being on her own.

It breaks my heart that she is with someone else already. But that is her way of dealing with it. I have to let her be.

Her being with this new guy might make her feel better right now, but at least I am going through a proper healing process and will ultimately come out of this better off than her.

I love You... Oh god it was awsome...

Holy crap! That was AWESOME!! I have been looking for advice like this and it really opened my eyes to what's going in my situation and how far I've gotten :D

This is just what I needded! I'm one of those newies you mentioned! Great comment!

Thank you!

OMG! I am speechless, but that was a brilliant post. Just reading that add inspiration and I just want to continue reading and reading. It actually gives me hope knowing that things will get better and I won't be in this situation forever (which I think I would be) Just like u start the post I been experience fr the very start the pain, suffering, annoying and very think in between. And I keep thinking about the good times and what to know what this is happening to me and what do I have to do through this and yes as u said I call every day over and over... omg it amazing how u can related to and even write and I feel like u just interept what I am feeling and just write my feeling and taught into words. I just need to accept reality but I am scared.

All I can say is, I'm sitting here looking at the blank white respond box, and I just looked up a chuckled to myself, and said, "yeah... everything will be alright."

This enlightened me a bit. Thanks for sharing, most of the things are exactly what I did. I think I have to accept the 3% getting back thing. Sadly, but true. I love this forum, and I will sit more onto it.

There is nothing more heart warming than when something touches the soul. Everyone looks for something they can relate to, to some how find there connection with the universe. I realized how much I have grown, because I read the whole thing with a knowing smile,
(lol, I had to pause for a moment, because it started to get deep). As said before, this should be a must read for everyone who is going through the struggle. Thank you for sharing with us.

Excellent post I have questions, but respect this post too much to clog it up with my story. Very, very, very good advice.

What a wonderful post, I'm glad I stumbled upon it. It's not as though I've never been through a break up before so it made me smile to realize no matter the couple the circumstances or anything else, it appears to always be the same mechanics. I can read this and realize it's all stuff I've been through before and had just hoped I wouldn't be going through again. This should be a required read!

U don't expect after you dumped or before you dumped
Just you dumped that he or she watever beafore

That was awesome it gave me a lot of ideas on what to do in the situation Im in. I always say there is a reason they are you X

Your right on the money. I can't believe how true all of what you said was. I guess it's good to be able to hear or read it once in awhile from a total stranger. Makes things easier I guess. Thanks

Wonderful post... I am the new person in my husband life but your right... what you saying is true in every way. I like when you are saying, Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back. And the universe will take care of the rest." My husband told me after 5 years when he dropped of the kids and came home that something funny happened, he was looking at her and she was talking to him and in his had just was a big question mark ,, Do I know this person'' and ,,he felt nothing against her" That was the point when in my hart I felt he is over her and since this happened he is himself. So everyone whom read this friend4u178
Ultra Member has right time, time, time..

Wow! I liked reading it. It made me think... I think I was once a little bit like those "exes"... the funny thing is that, it made me realized how bad I was as a lover. Not anymore...

Well I am still in denial and hearing this was like a bullet in the chest to hear that I have lost him or there is no way he will come back at this stage I say yes its all brilliant but I am a newbie and I am very freshly broken up with someone I lived with for six years and with a son and I am weak and going through the typical stages but I still seek hope , hope that maybe there is something I can do to fix us make him like me again... to figure he is just going to be gone and that's it at this stage is devastating

Sorry its great advice but

Shelley

friend4u178 thank you for posting this really helped me

Lol love this topic! True, everything's true!

You true nicee nice post lot of thing happened wit me too

But believe me cnt get over its past 1 year still cnt
He's going out wit another girl in front of me and I have to face him everyday bcaz he's in my class...

No option but was about to take revenge but still in thinking process... will sooon decide
Bcaz if sam 1 did bad do double bad with him...

ya true nicee nice post lot of thing happened wit me too

but belive me cnt get over its past 1 year stil cnt
hes goin out wit another girl in front of me and i hav to face him everyday bcaz hes in my class....

no option but was abt to take revenge but still in thinking process.....will sooon decide
bcaz if sam 1 did bad do double bad with him....

I'm sorry for your pain but taking revenge really doesn't achieve anything except losing your dignity with no return.

Words can't describe what I just read, no joke it made me laugh because I remebered all the calling and txting and such and how I was. I mean its been 2 weeks of no contact after failing my first try at it. But A LOT has happened to me to change my outlook and become better, reading this made me re realize that break ups are hard and rough but the fact you said this happened for a reason and if you miss the lesson then you miss it completely I have finally saw what I needed to see and that was to grow up I mean seriously if we all look back on it we got so used to that other that when there gone we forgot to be who we were before.

Wow you should write a book honestly, that was completely compelling. Your words leave a lasting impression. You have a very deep understanding of the dynamics of relationships. Good job, amazing.

I have so done most if not all (except stalk). I use to think I was crazy every time I cried out of the blue!!

I am not hurting anymore. But I am still struggling. Some hours I feel good and ready to face the world, but at times, I just want to run back to his arms. I will take it a day at a time. A battle at a time. And I will be my own self again.. :)

This was amazing, it made so much sense and as much as it hurts it's all very true, this has helped a lot, thank you so much

Wow... friend4u178

I think everyone should read this before even posting their question.

I. Love. You.

I. Love. You.


::blushes::

Omg that is exactly how I feel right now ughhh :/

Bravo brova

Well I kind of loved this, it gave me a new.. prospective on it all!

I like the post as well but I still think it does not harm to try. When people had a long term relation that really worked, maybe there still is something.
I had some people against me in other posting that are telling that it's useless etc...

The same among friends happes too, you can have a problem and either you never talk to them anymore or you talk about it.
Some of these friendships work out well.

Same for ex's. I don't like to hear this stuff that all is over and just forget about some one you have spent 10% of your life with!

There are dosens of programs on TV , people are searching for some one they broke up with 30-40 years ago and they have regret their choice for all these years.

The posting is a great help for getting through the break up but trying to fix something is nice as well. I'm proud that I tried, it didn't work out for me.

I was very depressed and sad today... but after reading this post m ACTUALLY smiling :)... evry word you wrote is so true, it's really unbelievable... thanx a lot for such a nice suggestion :)

I just ran into this site and I read your post and it is helpful but still a little down.

I was in a relationship for 5 years, we were thinking of marrige but the issue she had was she wanted to marry a guy that was in the same religion. At first 2 years ago, I agreed to convert but soon I realized if I converted then it might set up other things she may ask of me to change, so I told her I can't do it and she was very mad.

She ended it but after one day I called her, and we were back together but I told her I can not convert, but we still carried on the relationship.

Well last week we had an argument over the phone and she wanted to break up, she said we can not carry on since she can't marry me since I won't convert and she has talked to her sister and the sister agreed too. Funny thing is the sister is in a marriage where she and the husband do not get along and she almost got a divorce and here she is advising her sister. I was mad but at the end I told her if that is what you want then fine and we hung up. I did text her back 30 minutes later and wished her the best in her life and that I hoped she found the guy she is looking for that is from the same religion and she would be happy. She texted me back and did the same.

She is going to NYU in NYC and I'm in DC, it seems when she is there I miss her but when she came to see me after couple of days in my mind I wanted her to go. So I have also been thinking , what if we got married, would it have actually worked out? I did also have doubts at the end about marrying her but I did love her.


I noticed on Facebook she posted this song Saturday night, it is by Depeche Mode called Suffer Well. I knew when she was depressed she would listen to Depeche Mode, so it was obvious she was feeling depressed. The funny thing is I also got her into the band.

Anyway, this time I have done the no contact but it is sooooooooo hard. During the days in the morning when I wake up it is so depressing and then specially at nights. One thing for sure one of my friend's who has been in and out of long term relationships, told me it will get better. In fact we are all going to vegas end of the month. But I hope I can move on without her, 50% of me wants her back and the other 50% is confused and is not sure if I want her back.:confused::confused:

It sounds good but really difficult to apply it... one can't really avoid the person he/she loves...

I am feeling your message right now. AMEN! Been there as the dumper and dumpee all rolled into one in a short space of time and finally found laughter with good friends. I'll shall now start working on finding my old self again! Thank you, Thank you,Thank you!

I went through the same thing!
I thought it was the end of the world without my ex in it.
Now, I'm so much better - I have found someone else, and he makes me incredibly happy. I don't regret anything that has happened now.
Love this post, I could relate to it a lot!

You are telling an exact situation here, but how does it work if I have to deal with him every day at work. I can understand that he stepped away for many reasons (logical reasons) but what I can't understand is having him around acting very normal as if nothing had happened between us, how would you deal with that? Can you tell me please?

All I can say is that is the truth! I went threw every bit of it and thank god that today 2 years later I am totally OK with him... we talk from time to time but even when he turns on that charm I feel nothing... I have dated since him and even had a live in BF but I think it was all part of the healing and getting over my ex... I care for him but I don't love him and don't care what or who he's doing now days...

Wow, that was amazing. Thank you!

Great post F4U! You cover every aspect, spot on! Thank you! Just reading it made me smile a couple of times.

Amazing and so helpful.

Thank you for posting this, it is helping me and I will read it everyday until I am healed.

Thank you so much, this is going to help me so much and I know it will help others get through the incredibly difficult times. The times I am suffering right now with no end in sight except for this post.

I was looking for something that will make me feel better and I'm glad I found this it has been two weeks since my break now every time I think of doing something stupid I would read this to bring me back to reality.

That was awesome! Iam hurting. Its been day two and I ran across this site yesturday.

I don't see how you're supposed to accept the fact that your ex is just happier now and could possibly, and in many cases its true, be dating someone the next week or two. And people are supposed to wait to find a new relationship with someone? I'm not the person to go out and freely have sex with people, but why wait?

Maybe I took the last part of the post wrong, but I'm in denial right now.. so maybe I have nothing to say about it until 6 months from now

That is the best description of break ups ever completely inspiring and full of truthful hope. Well done!

Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson.

Bottom line, this is what we need to hear.

Completely right, I'm the breaker upper and for me to think about my ex, hoping he heals soon, I hope he finds this post. He's never been through it before and he is going to need something like this.

I had my heart broken recently. Well last week. You have the stages of things, and yes all of these things do happen. I tried to talk to her about it you know negotiate my way out of it.

Aah it was all in false hope.

I even helped her with a huge move she had going. Was hoping to win her back. Alas it was a fail.

So I ended it. She told me she had no feelings for me so I told her I will make the descsion for her. It is over. Now she may have decided it sometime before that but, I reached my this is done point.

Yes it does pain me, when it reaches that point. There is nothing I can do, I do not ever ever go back. The issue with going back is you remember all the reasons things sucked.

And yes technically she might have dumped me. I consider discussion or conversation about it a breach. Now I might reach out, this is true but, never go backwards.

At the end I deserve better, not from someone who knows not how they feel?

She told me she was faking feelings for me but, she tried and had no feelings for me at all. That was my end point.

-Tordo

Damn... I teared that soon I cried by reading your thread.
Great job lad. :)
Take a look at my thread. Currently I need guidance, tips and hints on my situation.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/can-anyone-guide-me-seemingly-impossible-situation-me-370092.html

Thank you in advance of anything you can help me. Cheers mate.

Wow... I have been waiting for this speech for about a year and a half. You have no idea how much you just helped me. Thanks

This is what I needed,but I'm been there and done it.thanks

I wish everybody in the world who has ever been dumped could read this. This is really good.

Took me a while to read but by the end of it I cheered up slightly.. and it only happened today! Cheers buddy! :)

I can read this over and over without getting bored cause is such a good thread. I'm saying this again am I? Haha!

NC since 29th June

I can read this over and over without getting bored cause is such a good thread. I'm saying this again am i? haha!

NC since 29th June

Thank you , glad it's helping you out :cool:

Stick with the NC!!

I only have one word to respond to this post:


AMEN!

I have just read this... amazing when something happens, you Google for advice etc...
Well my story... I'm 35 my gf/ex is 23... we have been going out for 2.5 years, living together for most of this. Anyhow... all was good, until I got fed-up after 9 months... I was distant and cold... and was like this for 2 months... I felt I wanted freedom.. so she left me... well... it was so pianful... I begged her to come back and she would not... I must have cried down the phone for days... I did it, because I knew she loved me... anyhow I knew where she hung out and went there one evening and say her with a guy... I felt sick... never had a feeling like that before... to see my beautiful princess with someone else... they were supposedly friends, she was down and to make herself feel better invited this guy over from Italy... anyhow more on this later... but after a few more days, she came back to me... and things were great again for a while...
She has her place and I have mine... then my mum came to stay with me for 6 months... so I felt I had to spend my time between 2 apartments... this was tiring... and I ended up staying more at mine... well this did not go down well.. and she became more difficult... we started to argue more.. she then at one point in a heated argument told me she kissed that guy when we were not together... I felt I had been hit by a bus... she cried and apologised and because I loved her said fine... but my annoyance was for 2 reasons... she had no right to tell me, but also we were talking on the phone a lot and she knew she was coming back, and in fact she came back 2 days after the kiss... ok we were not together, but we were in a way... took a few weeks to heal... but I stuck with it but then I began to miss the single life... anyhow my mum went back and she moved back to mine... things were fine again... but the arguments were still present... she was going on holiday back to Italy, and I was due to join her... but I declined, lost money on my ticket... but I had a dose of being single to see if I wanted the single life or not... she was hurt, especially when I said "stupidly" it's not working... I then again had regrets... and she seemed fine... the day that she was due to come home she called and said she will stay an extra week... that's when things changed... she became colder, more distant... she then texted me saying that she has been thinking and does not feel she wants to try anymore... she would not listen to me...
She got back yesterday and I went to see her... it's so difficult to be with someone, but be different with them, not being loving... I wanted to hold her, but was scared that the feelings she would have would not be the same... she said that something has changed and she does not love me to the same extent... I, a 35 year old man, cried like a baby... I just feel I have ruined everything... end of the day, I caused this... I tried to reason with her, as I can't believe love can become significantly less so suddenly... because she was my everything and I hers... I have lost 5kgs in the past few weeks, which is not a bad thing... but I'm destroyed... I went out partying and was not interested in anything...
I suppose this is the regret phase, where I feel emptiness etc... but it really is difficult. Reading this article helps a lot.

I'm due to go to a councillor with her tonight... I think she wants out, but it's not 100%... hoping the councillor might help me out... I think her mum influenced her decision...

But the problem is also that the issues that cause the unhappiness will no doubt arise... unless I can compromise more... I have been difficult...
Anyway, I just feel so weak and I should be stronger at my age...

Needed to get this off my chest... but wow.. the pain!

she said that something has changed and she does not love me to the same extent

She just gave you a very valuable clue.

This person you have become is not the one she fell in love with, but you can't get that old person back... Why?

Because that guy wasn't happy either... understand?

You are in the midst of a personal evolution but if you don't grab control of it, it will continue to go in the wrong direction.

You have to stop chasing her and properly initiate no contact, you're only driving her farther away.

The counselor might've been a good idea when the problems started, but now you need to get yourself in order first before trying to start a "new" relationship with her, understand?

I suggest you use the no contact rule to not only start to pull her back towards you, but to give you the time you need to evolve.

The problem here is you are trying to rush the evolution and hold on to her at the same time... but you can't.

You have to let her go for now (using NC) and follow a good plan to help you evolve and heal to prepare for the reconnection stage.

Once you start the reconnection stage, if necessary at that point this would be a good time to introduce the counseling... make sense?

If you want more information about NC and my free step by step plan... let me know, OK?

Hi "getyourexback"
Might be an idea if you post your advice on The Captains own thread (see link below ), probably more chance of him seeing it there.

Thanks

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/its-all-fault-382923.html

Hi M .this says it all! You should write a book. :-)

I really appreciated this post! Thanks

Brilliant! SO TRUE!

Very tru

Every bit of that :)was spot on.

My girlfriend broke up with me earlier today, I'm in pain right now. Reading your post helped a little, thanks.

Each word, each sentence on that post was amazingly helpful. Thank you so much, I am in that position at the moment and yes my heart still hurts :( , but I will be strong... I will

Amazing I wish I couldve stumbled upon this when I needed it most :-( but bravo.

Yes mate forsure an amazing piece of work. The way your worded it and the examples used. It was awsome. Great job.

This has opened my eyes greatly, it has been 17 months for me and I have been dating someone for 9 of those, I see know I am still broken and I have no business in this new relationship. And the whole part about I will never love again the same way or no one will love me the same way. THat hit so far home! I am grateful to have stumbled on to this.

Wow! I've litrally just broken up with my boyfriend 2 days ago and after reading this I think I can pull through it :)
Thanks for writing this amazing post!

Soooooo true everything written here by Friend4u,, when you feel so alone, and can hardly bear your own skin... remember there are literally thousands of people feeling this pain... I have been broken up with my boyfriend now for 3 months and have been in a state of abject misery for all of it... every day, every hour, every minute he is in my heart and mind. The man is in the very core of me... now it seems I am worse than I was at the outset of the breakup. My everyday life is a struggle... and the feeling from everyone here is 'time is a healer'... so I wonder whe that actually starts to happen.As we are all individuals I guess each case is the same. Wasted or spent so much time reading how to move on... you know all the usual stuff about starting new hobbies, new interests etc etc... wow... just to be able to get out of the house is a big step...
Working week is when we have to go out and do what we do... come the weekend... my main passtime is pacing the floor, boring friends over and over with my grief. So what happened back there I ask myselfl? Before 'HIM' and during our relationship I had interests and hobbies... and now to even step out there and become involved again doesen't inspire me at all. Thankfully I am able to keeep up some kind of cheerful front for my daughter... perhaps that's where all my energy is going maintaining a happy and normal homelife for her, so there is little left for me to recover. Any thoughts anyone :rolleyes:

Hi Dragonfly
Why don't you post your own story in a new thread , you'll find lots of people who'll help you to learn how to move on.

I'll keep an eye out myself for your story.

Thank you for posting this. Even though I was the one that ended it. It still hurts but like you said I'll be fine.

I'm writing an process essay on how to get over someone. Do you mind if I use some of the things you said here? They are just really good, you know that, we all know that

Go for it :)

How true... I have experienced every single word that you have written. Though I am still dealing with the heart-ache... it gives me a lot of hope to look at the future... thank you so much...

Hi friend, sorry it took me so long to respond. I think I was afraid of it at first. It hit so close to home that I kinda ran the other way. Does that make sense? I'm still in somewhat of a denial state. And getting better still seems so far away. But it does give me hope and I do long for that day. I do read the posts on here and I see the new ones and I think that was me 5 weeks ago. I know I've made some progress (very little it seems) but some. And it's all THANKS TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!! You are an inspiration to the broken hearted that can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks Hon

Hi there, there are so many people going thorugh the same emotional break down as yours... and I am one of them. It's been 5 weeks for me too... I can just suggest one thing don't think of what you didn't get or how the life is going to be without him around, when the thought comes just get up and talk to someone about something else. Until you try consciously to move on it is going to be very difficult.

You have to be strong girl... take one day at a time, when you wake up in the morning tell yourself 'I will not be sad today' you deserve the best from this life.

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

I am happy for ONE thing: I found out what a tremendous capacity for love that I really do have.

I found out that I really do need some one to love.
I've spent too many years just doing the nine to five and taking care of business. It's an empty life, and I hate it. There has to be something better than this, just satisfying your own needs and living in a routine. I don't know what I'm going to do to change it, but I'm going to make a hell of a try.

I really enjoyed this post, incredibly well written, comforting and heart warming.
Thank you!

That's exactly what I did after my terrible break up. A very nice article there. Lucky I found this site. :)

When I started reading this, I was amazed at how right you are. I am thankful I found this site. And bravo for a wonderful post! This will help me a lot on my road to recovery.

Wow.
I could say I love you right now!

You just summed up break ups.

I'd have paid to read this! Haha... well, lets not get too far.

AMAZING!
:D

It's true... I have gotten back with my ex 3 times... and it didn't work.. the same day we broke up he went to dinner with one of "his" girl friends... so even if it hurts you have to tell your heart that it isn't worth it and that he is not for you.. that someone else so much better will come when the time is right... he will regret it later

Great stuff Im so lucky Im reading this in my 1st day here. Thank you

It's a great read indeed. There are few people who choose to be in the darkness and pain, bcoz they want to punish themselves for committing something, or by hurting themselves trying to hurt their creator (i.e god) who has actually made them like that. Unfortunately I'm of the lot. I wish I could leave her alone. I have always given her all the happiness, I wish I could finally give what she asks me.. a BREAK-UP.. then finally a thot comes, maybe she is misunderstanding or misinterpretting me.. may be I may show her my improved self, may be she will feel again what we felt together, and these are few HOPES that has dragged for past 12 months and indeed I have made both our lives hell..

I wished I read his a couple weaks ago.. I was dumped and replaced in 2 weaks and still want her back. We dated 3 years and lived togeather for 1.. Its been 2 months now and I'm getting better but still miss her

Dear all, my boyfriend got on particularly well with a mutual friend, and although she speaks perfect english they chose to speak in Italian for long lengths. After tolerating being excluded from conversations, I finally asked them to speak in english so I (and our mate David) could understand and join in. Instead, my boyfriend defended his actions as he felt she struggled with english . Meanwhile she retorted in english, ' isn't David useful to you ?' (meaning can you speak to David as you are in the way). Afterwards I accused my boyfriend of flirting right under my nose, he denied it and said she had flirted with him. I had confided in this woman that I was experiencing relationship troubles, and it hurts to know she still flirted with him. I have explained to my boyfriend I feel betrayed by her, and will no longer be hiring her to work with me. He is annoyed with my decision to sack her, and 'sees me as a lesser person'. This is very hurtful to me as I have recently conceded in making a huge sacrifice for our relationship to work, but despite my gesture he considers me as a 'lesser person' over this current issue. I would like my boyfriend to have no more to do with her, but he is adamant to keep her as friend and meet her for drinks etc. He says she hasn't betrayed him so its all right and questions my version of events (even though he says I am a 100 percent trustworthy person). My boyfriends told me he loves me, he decided to have kids with me and says I must trust him - and not to worry. Am I being insecure, jealous, controlling and possessive? Can I trust him?? Or am I right to make demands?

Thank You so much for this post it has helped me to understand that I am not the only one who acts like a prat and that what I'm feeling is normal.. Thank You.

I have asked a question under a new thread any advice would be gratefully received... Cheers all

THIS WAS SOOO GOOD

But its been 3 months and everyday I think about my ex. Even though I don't cry when the pain do come it hurts even more the more the days go by the more it hurts. Its been over 1 month and half since I text then I text him once no answer. Its been 3months and only contact me 2 times.

I know time heals but that same time make me hurt more.I lovoe this guy so much.

He never told me it was over. Never said he didn't want to talk to me no more never said non of that.. jus stop talking to me cause he got mad...

I pray for him all the time I miss him so much as the time go by the more the pain hurts :(

THIS WAS SOOO GOOD

but its been 3 months and everyday i think about my ex. even though i dont cry when the pain do come it hurts even more the more the days go by the more it hurts. its been over 1 month and half since i txt then i text him once no answer. its been 3months and only contact me 2 times.

i know time heals but that same time make me hurt more.i lovoe this guy soo much.

he never told me it was over. never said he didnt want to talk to me no more never said non of that..jus stop talking to me cause he got mad....

i pray for him all the time i miss him so much as the time go by the more the pain hurts :(

This guy does not deserve your loving attention. Find someone who deserves it and treats you right!

Hopfully he finds me cause it hurts... carrottalker

hopfully he finds me cause it hurts....carrottalker

Once you get back on your feet and become the strong beautiful woman you want to be. He will fall into place :D

Be happy with yourself first. Then you can be happy with another.

Yea so true... but I try .I try.. I don't talk to him no contact nothing. Even when I cut the friend off I still hurt. I try to be happy but people always failing me.

When I was alone I was getting all these blessing got with someone everything falling apart

yea so true...but i try .i try ..i dont talk to him no contact nothing. even when i cut the friend off i still hurt. i try to be happy but people always failing me.

when i was alone i was getting all these blessing got with someone everything falling apart

I went through a very similar stage, where friends and family would be "failing me" or ditching me.

I learned that there is only one person you can rely on, that is yourself. You can have your friends to add to your life. If you are lucky, you can have some genuine friends who will help out, but even then, they cannot be relied on all the time because that is a big burden.

Yes... but I will just stay focus :)
We all have our season and I this is not my season

I agree,it's a good post

Next month will be 4 months and the feelns get worse. Gosh I miss my ex... but reading these messages help me. I need to be focus

Hey Athena254 there!
The feelings get worse because you think of it again and again ! Don't count the months human feelings are like that it does take time to heal the damage caused and mental torture ,I have been dumped by my Fiancé after 4 months of knowing each other ,I too tried to get her back but all efforts went in vain .Then my office manager told me this " Stop thinking about it ! focus on your work ,go and get yourself a new gal and start your life again ,the one who has dumped you is gone forever and she is not gonna to come back ,so why do you cry ,forget her ! beleive in God make a small prayer and say I don't care !any more and forgive her she will get and pay for what she did if you have not done anything awful to lead to such a disaster "! These words were very strong and I did exactly as he said and now I have someone else in my life and the news of the Ex is that she got dumped by someone else ! And she is single again
Whoa!
So I advice you the same get your guy who you can confide with and get on with life because no one else takes you seriously as you take them and focus on your work what ever you do always !You will get your answers :)

This is a wonderful post that helped

Thank You "danielle1896" :)

I love this.. I can't help but relate to this... completely! Did you make all this up? Wow

This post by "friend4u178" posted long back is definitely not made up for sure as I have been through such a painfull experience! I did come out of it as of today and l am not looking back any more ! What matters to me is Me ,My wife , my family ,my friends and people who I know and interact with me :)

"This Life " is beautiful gift from God ,
It's the way you and me go about it ,
So live it live to the fullest and make the best of it !

"Forgive the one who has tresspassed against you as you are forgiven by other's whom you tresspass upon "

Wow this post was incredible. It was so comprehensive! Even up to the part where you said 3% will get back with their ex and may be lucky... or unlucky. Even that they may be back with their ex because it's 'comfortable' which is so true for abusive situations. Wow. Well done!

I know how that goes. When my ex & I broke up I was devastated. (even though he cheated on me.. ) Anyway , I cried for... a long time. I asked myself those first couple questions you put over & over again. I def thought one day I'd have him back . & for 9 WHOLE months I worried about what girl he with & why he left me & all that. BUT , now I am with a new guy & I love him . You think you'll never find someone else after the break up , but I'm glad I was wrong about that. Breaking up is a terrible terrible feeling , but id DOES get better. Time really is the only way to heal(:

Feeling a little down today so I thought I would reread this because it usually lifts my spirits, and once again, it has!

I have to constantly remind myself that it does get better, and looking back on that dreaded day, it actually has gotten a lot better for me. Not 100% yet but slowly getting there. One day at a time for this guy!

3 months since the break up and 34 days NC

friend4u178, you are a friend to all of us. Thank you for writing this. I really think you should make a single page website, of your message. Hell, I'll do it for you, pro bono.

This will be my guide for me, for next few months. It's only been 2 months since my ex cheated on me and then asked for space, and like a dumbass... I still want her back! But with your incredible, real world, words of wisdom... I know I must move forward, because it's about ME now.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you... I don't necessarily believe in a god, but for now, I will say: GOD BLESS YOU!

This is perfect.. to the T.

I just don't know what to say.. GOD BLESS YOU.. This is a masterpiece.. am so so bookmarking this page.. Thank YOU!

I still come back here after 4 months alone and 1 month NC it keeps me on the right track and more importantly helps me realise that jumping into something else right now just isn't right... How long will it take... I don't know but I know that this site helps whether you did wrong and regret it or you just hurt... Thnak you all xx

I still come back here after 4 months alone and 1 month NC it keeps me on the right track and more importantly helps me realise that jumping into something else right now just isnt right...How long will it take...I dont know but i know that this site helps whether you did wrong and regret it or you just hurt...Thnak you all xx

It takes a different amount of time for everyone , but the fact is your still in the early stages , why is that? Because it may be 4 months since the breakup but only 1 month of NC. So effectively only 1 month , that's why we stress NC from the start so you don't waste all those earlier months and just get stuck.

Friend you gave me good advice from the start and yes you are right.. I realised that for her it wasn't one month she had let go from day 1( I found out last month).. I got my property back and she wished me well and said she hoped I would meet someone very special as I deserved it... That cut like a knife haha... Yet it was her way of saying she had moved on and I finally let go.. I knew she didn't mean what she said it was just a way of saying look I'm gone now... No matter what we think or feel the important thing is learn, accept and move forward in a way that benefits you.. I can't be friends and she hasny accepted that but I respect her decision I hope she will respect and try to understand mine.. Thinking of you all.xx

Friend you gave me good advice fromt he start and yes you are right..I realised that for her it wasnt one month she had let go from day 1( i found out last month)..I got my property back and she wished me well and said she hoped i would meet someone very special as i deserved it...That cut like a knife haha...Yet it was her way of saying she had moved on and i finally let go..I knew she didnt mean what she said it was just a way of saying look im gone now...No matter what we think or feel the important thing is learn, accept and move forward in a way that benefits you..I can't be friends and she hasny accepted that but i respect her decision i hope she will respect and try to understand mine..Thinking of you all.xx

I'm glad you finally let go "cutloose" and thank you. I know it's not easy particularly in the beginning but hey it's all a big learning curve.

I wish you luck in the future and it'd be great if you stuck around and pass on some of the things you've learnt to others.

I will friend, not sure what I can pass on other than what I've experienced but I will try

Best of luck Cut -you've learned a lot!
Keep moving on.

The very best of the best. I needed this. Thumbs up

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I know it will be better, just I don't know how to survive until then.
I lost my love in Monday... we were together 6 years.. he loves me but can't go on anymore. Yesterday I texted him all afternoon, cried, begged... he was sad.. and full of understanding.. polite.. but strong in his decision. No more... ever.. never. And I don't know how I'm going to make it. I tried NC but I broke it.. and now I'm fighting with myself not to contact him again... that's why I'm writing here.

thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I know it will be better, just I don't know how to survive until then.
I lost my love in Monday...we were together 6 years.. he loves me but can't go on anymore. yesterday I texted him all afternoon, cried, begged.... he was sad.. and full of understanding.. polite.. but strong in his desicion. no more...ever..never. and I don't know how I'm gonna make it. I tried NC but I broke it.. and now I'm fighting with my self not to contact him again... that's why I'm writing here.


Post your own thread if you wish... you will receive all the encouragment and advice you need there. We are here for you.

Brilliant! I have to send this to my fiance's ex wife lol she is that way. And needs to move on... BRAVO BRAVO ENCORE lol

Brilliant!! I have to send this to my fiance's ex wife lol she is that way. and needs to move on....BRAVO BRAVO ENCORE lol


Why are you dealing in any way with your fiance's wife? This is HIS problem, not yours. I see your contact with her as the doorway to disaster.

Can't he handle whatever the situation is for himself?

I posted my break-up question today... reading your post puts a lot of things in perspective. And definitely helps for you to say all the things I am thinking... nice to know I'm not the only one!

Break ups are painful beyond belief. At about the same time my husband died a friend's husband packed up and left. She said then and she says now (and I understand) that HER loss was more painful but her husband wanted to leave her. Mine didn't. Those words have stayed with me. She knows he is out there somewhere with someone else and is still in incredible pain.

You're sure not the only one!