I just want to know how possible it is for a gay guy to go straight because I have this friend who is actually my best friend and we both go way back from school and now we work together... we do practically everything together; work, party, gym, tennis, you name it, except sleep together. He has been claiming to be interested in me during those years we've been friends but its almost as if his gears changes time to time.. so like some times he shows his interest in me and other times it goes back to just being friends. This has gone on for years but I've always had my suspicions that he had this gay thing to him which he always denied when I asked him. I've seen the way he behaves with other gay guys and most of his guy friends are gay... he enjoys flirting with them and a few occasions I've seen him go back to his room with them even though he said that they just wanted to spend the night because they were tired. Right now he's started back on that same trend where he's really getting emotional and all about me and he wants to be with me. I am confused. I'm beginning to have these feelings for him that I never thought I would feel and I don't know what to do... he gets mad when he sees others guys interested in me and right now he's being very cold as a result of that... for a few weeks now we have not been as close as we've always been and hardly even communicating... what do you think?do you think he can change?

Yes, he can change; make sure you don't. Find out what it is about women that he dislikes. Why is it that he isn't attracted to them. Then, when the time is right, go deeper. Was he abused as a child?

XenoSapien

I'm actually female... I know that he's been asking me to be with him for a long time but like I said he gets into different modes now and then... like when he brought it up in the past I was dating someone else and I told him that I couldn't be with him in that way and that we have such a great friendship that I can almost see him as a brother to me and maybe turning this into a relationship might change everything. Now after so long I'm finally feeling that way for him because I am no longer in a relationship for over a year... Personally I don't know how long he's going to take to get back to himself... but I'm trying really hard to speak to him but he duzn't want to come out and speak much about it... he gives me that cold shoulder allt he time and it hurts me... one thing he's always said before that once he gets hurt once he does not turn back... and he got really mad that he saw me having lunch with just a friend of mine just casually... not like we had something going me and him but funny how he reacted towards that... he got really jealous... what do you think I can do to bring him back?any suggestions?

I don't think he was ever abused as a child but if ever he never spoke about it... everytime I ask him when we go out why is it that he only flirts with guys and not females... he says that he does but I just don't see it... but he's covering up and I can read right through him.

I'm actually female......i know that he's been asking me to be with him for a long time but like i said he gets into different modes now and then...like when he brought it up in the past i was dating someone else and i told him that i couldn't be with him in that way and that we have such a great friendship that i can almost see him as a brother to me and maybe turning this into a relationship might change everything. now after so long im finally feelin that way for him because i am no longer in a relationship for over a year....Personally i dont know how long he's gonna take to get back to himself....but im trying really hard to speak to him but he duzn't want to come out and speak much about it...he gives me that cold shoulder allt he time and it hurts me.....one thing he's always said before that once he gets hurt once he duz not turn back...and he got really mad that he saw me having lunch wiht just a friend of mine just casually.....not like we had something going me and him but funny how he reacted towards that...he got really jealous....what do you think i can do to bring him back?any suggestions?Thank you for critical confirmation that you are female--that changes my initial impression; my apologies.

He sounds like he wants to be with you. Like sGt. HarDKorE said, he may be bi, however.

You are now sounding as though you are having feelings for him. If so, then perhaps you need to give the relationship a try after all. HOWEVER I strongly recommend playing the "do you have an attraction to men?" card in a gentle manner first. If it is something you don't want in your relationship, you need and deserve the answer.

XenoSapien

He's bisexual from his behaviour with you, can you live with that if you were in a relationship with him-there is a good chance he would want to be with men even if he was with you.

How old are the both of you?

We are both the same age 25, he's just a few months older... we get along so very well... we share everything together except maybe what he's been hiding away from me... I am willing to give this a try even though I have my suspicions but he refuses to communicate with me now since this happened... I try very hard to get him to come out to speak and to at least be himsefl again but he's making it very hard... and it hurts me... he hardly speaks to me now... we play tennis together most days and he hardly utters a word... this is so not like him... I was hoping that he wudve gotten over this eventually but its been about 4weeks already since he's behaviour has changed... do you think he will come out of it eventually even though it takes him longer than I wudve thought? Or do you think he's just created this wall where he's decided that he duzn't want to do this anymore.. I am confused, I don't know what to think and I'm afraid after all this years it took me to feel this way that he's pulling back now...

I definitely want to give it a try now but one thing I do know is that if we have to do this I woudlnt' be happy if he also wants to be with other guys as well.. do you think there's a possibility he can change... do you think there's anythign I can do to help him come out of this mode that he is in and anythign I can do to help him from being gay? I may be asking for the impossibles but I would like to know the opinion of others on this.

Hello.

It sounds like he is confused about who he is. Give him some time to find himself, if he doesn't then set him down and ask him about how he feels.

Dennis777

He could be starting the process for himself or trying to come out.

Also remember that how you feel may not be reflected in him and you may be seeing what you want. A lot of guys get protective about their female friends its kind of a natural reaction. I would let this slide and see what happens. I would assure him that you are there for him and that you will always be his friend no matter what.

There are a lot of gay men who deny their sexuality for fear of being punished by friends and family. Some gay men marry straight women, have children then buckle after years of being married because its too hard to live a life that's not really who you are.

A part of me tells me that he might just be confused denise but sometimes I am just so convinced that he's leaning more towards that side because of he reaction around guys... like times we go to the bars and so on.. he enjoys flirting with them so much and hardly ever does he flirt around with the females... I just hope that soon enough I can get out of this confusion because its hurting me inside... and I feel sad for him if this is really where his interest lies... I wish he could come out of it or soemthing to change his mind about it... if it is ever possible

I'm probably not going to say what you want to hear.

I think basic, primal impulses are hard to ignore. We all have desires and wishes that most of us suppress to some degree... but if he naturally gravitates toward men, and doesn't at all toward women other than you to some degree, id say he is gay and that's probably that.

I have a good friend who is bi. Mostly she likes men for long term relationships, but she's not shy about approaching women. In a club shed dance with whomever she found attractive and it could be a guy or a girl. And I know she's had some relationships with women that were hush hush.

I have another good friend whod id call "in the hallway"... he's not exactly in the closet, and he isn't in the front yard marching with rainbow banners. But he does show mild affection toward guys in the right public setting, and none toward women other than good conversation.

Now, that doesn't make my any kind of expert. But my gay friend acts like yours, and my bi friend, who is attracted to the opposite sex, doesn't act like your friend.

He's likely attracted to your great qualities... and even the jealously can be rationalized. He might genuinely be conflicted. He might just want to be with someone as great as you. But not you, necessarily. He might love the security of the friendship, but struggle with the physical side.

I don't know. The dealbreaker here is communication. He's known you long enough he should be able to open up. Does he not trust you? Does he not trust himself? Does he not know what he wants? I don't know.

So... id like to say you have a foundation for something more than friends, but I think itd going to take a lot more from him. And I think you are just going to bang your head against a wall.

You want to be pursued, right? "saving" someone isn't what its about. You want a partner who needs you, is after you, and wants you on many fundamental levels.

Best you can do is try to talk some more and open the discussion up. If he resists, id say there's just too much baggage.

Thanks guys... but the funny thing is a few weeks ago before all this tension came along which was as a result of me having lunch with another male friend very casually... it was like the day before when we sat and had a heart to heart conversation with each other... mostly him... he came out for the very first time boldly to say how he feels about me which started ever since our school days... and he went on and on to the point where he said he sees me as the only person he wants to be with and spend his life with... another thing is he always make jokes about us being together or me having to take care of him when he's old and can't help himself and that sort of thing... every one around us are amazed of how well we get along and they always say that we will someday be married... but anyhow... all in all... he's been very jealous lately when other guys hit on me... I don't know if he was in the past and just didn't show it but from the little he's said recently is that he poured out his heart to me for the first time and I did this to him (having lunch with another guy)... but the thing is, yes we did speak about our feelings for each other but we had never gotten to a point where we had decided that OK, lets take this to a different level or lets give this a try... nothing like that was discussed, I'm not left with anything but just the knowledge of how he feels... and again in the back of my mind I'm thinking about this other side to him... what does he really want?

Proceed at your own risk.

I'm just going to assume he is telling the truth. No reason to think he's trying to manipulate you for any reason.

My concern, is as mentioned in my previous post. Maybe he wants a more "socially acceptable" relationship and he sees you as a possible match. But id be worried and cautious that his urges and attraction for men would resurface again. And if he isn't genuinely attracted to you physically, then you need to be OK with denying your sexual side or at least willing to risk that his attraction may be more mental than physical. Or you need to be willing to face what might be a struggle for him to deny his desires.

While I agree there can be marriages and relationships where physical intimacy are less important, its still something to think about. I might satisfy my wife in many ways mentally and intellectually, but I can tell you that were I to neglect her physically, thered be a BIG problem. Scour the threads here and you'll see the misery of people in meaningful relationships that have turned sexless or are without intimacy.

And I worry that if you don't have that intimacy, that really you are choosing a roommate and not a mate. That you might spend your time making excuses for the lack of affection, if it happens, because you knew who he was from the start.

I'm not saying don't do it. You have to make that call. But there are enough red flags to make me think it's a long shot. Then again, straight men can marry and never be with another woman by keeping their vows... so why not think a man who has lived a gay life can't do the same?

Just seems like hed be repressing his urges and you might end up feeling guilty for that.

I appreciate your opinion and you do have some valid points... however.. my mind is telling me not to allow this to happen but part of my body wants to be with him... and you made a point about relationships where physical intimacy is less imortant and I could admit for myself that that in itself would be a big problem for me... he has attempted on many occasions to get close to my physically... we've kissed and made out a few times in the recent past but prior to that he had attempted on many occasions but back then I didn't feel that way about him yet. When I had given in he had literally begged me to let him feel me... in the past when he did I had turn him off esp when he begged to be my boyfriend on countless occasions... I don't know what's happening... sometimes I want to believe it is something genuine and other times I have my doubts... but I'm afraid to fall too deep into this and then get hurt... but its hard to change those feelings now... I told him recently that I hate what he did to me... meaning how he's made me feel towards him now...

"i hate that you made me like you" isn't really a great thing to hear... I mean you don't want to guilt him into dating you, and even if he is confused... your confusion is yours. Own it.

Well there are no guarantees in any dating. The complications make it... well, just more complicated.

What you aren't allowed to do is date him and then rail on him if it all goes south. You KNOW in advance he has struggled with this and you know his tendencies toward men. That's not a free pass to treat you poorly, but you are walking into this with full knowledge that it's a house built on sandy ground.

No guarantees ever... and most relationships take a leap of faith at some point. Just don't deflect blame toward him. I really dislike that you told him you hate how he's made you feel toward him. It might be true you are frustrated, for good reasons, but that statement is about deflecting your frustrations and it makes him a guilty party.

Again, he is some. And so are you.

Maybe it was a bad idea for me to say this but it wasn't said to make him feel guilty... I was frustrated about it all and the fact that he refused to speak to me... he just won't get over what happened and be himself again... and sometimes I hate the fact that I allowed this to happen to me... I wish to just see him in the same way I always did before... just best friends... now I want to go back to how I felt before but its hard... I see him everyday at work... we play tennis and do gym everyday together even as there's this tension between us... maybe if we weren't in contact so much it would help me... but I'm really trying to get myself out of it... I think it may be the best thing.. but one thing I don't want is even if I go back to my old self.. I don't want our friendship to go down or to change... thats why a long time ago when he begged me to be with him even when I didn't feel anythign towards him yet.. I did tell him its better we say good friends because getting into a relationship would change a lot of things since our emtions and stuff would be involved now...

I'm a bit lost in your last comment. Can you please mame me understand better... also, I am not seeing anyone... I haven't been in over a year... who he saw me having lunch with was only just a casual friend and a lunch that was very unplanned... and while I know this other guy has interest in me... I know that he (my bestfriend) knows in his heart that I am not interested in that other guy...

...he gets mad when he sees others guys interested in me and right now he's being very cold as a result of that



he's been very jealous lately when other guys hit on me.....



but the funny thing is a few weeks ago before all this tension came along which was as a result of me having lunch with another male friend very casually


It doesn't matter whether you are seeing anyone. His acting angry cause of the possibility someone might be interested in you, when he hasn't been willing to be all in or all out is selfish behavior.

If he wants to be with you it should be more than joking comments about how he wants to grow old with you. He isn't chasing you. He isn't pursuing you. He's stringing you along with this "i love you so much" noise but he doesn't really take the plunge. And in the meantime he's angry when you have a casual lunch date?

Hell... that's not even healthy behavior from a simple friend.

So the last comment you were confused about, I'm guessing was the "agree" rating, was just saying your struggle and frustration are justified in that he doesn't want you with anyone else, and he doesn't want you enough to be really all in.

So now you have to tip toe like you're walking on eggshells? I think you are doing all the work here. What do you have to apologize for? Why should you pay for his insecurities?

Again, acting pi$$y cause you get hit on and have other guy friends is sophomoric, selfish behavior.

Hence one of my reasons for being frustrated... he gets upset and behaves cold with me when other guys are attracted to me... then he says all these things to me about how I know how he feels about me and I do this to him... yes he's said how he feels but we've never discussed anythign about us taking this to a different level or starting something... but he talks about how he thought we were going somewhere with all of this but I don't give a damn... because my actions shows differently... what am I supposed to do? Sit there and imagine to myself that we have soemthing going or wait for him to say lets start something? Well I am not prepared to do it... its not fair that he can have all his fun with his friends, go out and do whateva and I can't... I have no interest in anyone else... he knows that but he feels that I lead people on and so it becomes a problem... but that is not the case and not my intention... I have made it clear to those friends of mine who show an interest more than just a friend that I am not interested in anything else but friendship...

How would you recommend that I try to take myself out of this situation... I think how things used to be in the past is the best way for us because all these emotions, confusion, arguments and tension just does not feel right...

Well... before you worry about him, what about you? What are your plans? I mean, its fine to recognize his feelings for you, but that does not mean you shouldn't date or forge friendships with other men. If you aren't ready, that's fine. If there's nobody you would be interested in, fine. But please stop worrying about his feelings when it comes to your finding a person to share your life with... or decide how long you are willing to shut yourself off to the world for him.

I hate to say this, but sometimes you outgrow relationships, or at least they have to take on different shapes. For example, my wife dated a guy through HS and some in college. Then they spent years as close friends. Even when they were dating other people, they were close. His family always hoped, my wife thinks, that they would finally end up together.

Well... right about the time we started dating she realized they just were never going to be together. As a result, both sides have backed away a bit. They still love each other. They still have great affection for each other. They just can't be together like they were. Its not a sad ending. My wife is in a happy relationship (I hope!). He is also in a long term relationship.

Is it sad that their friendship evolved to a point where they aren't as close? Oh, I don't know. Friendships are like all relationships... dynamic and changing. Just because things were great a certain way at a certain time doesn't mean it can always stay that way. And it Doesn't mean that it's a bad thing.

So... how to go back? Well... first of all you need to tell him your position. Let him know you understand his feelings but you stand where you are. If he wants a friendship, you are there for him. If he wants to interfere with you having other friends, that's a problem.

If he's THAT good of a friend you should be able to talk to him about this. If he's vested in this, he will listen and he will honor your wishes.

All you can do is give him the chance to act appropriately. If he doesn't, then you know what kind of friend he has become, no matter what kind of friend he was.

Thanks for your help... I have been in 2 long term relationships during the time we've known each other... he never seemed to have had much of a problem then though there were few times he made comments and durin that time too he begged to be with me at a certain point... I know that he also had a girlfriend even before we met each other... but ever since my last break up which was 18 months ago till now he's been this way... I am going to give him sometime and I will speak to him and let him know where I stand and get some sort of clarification from him as to where he stands and what his intentions are... but besides my feelings for him at this point... I hpoe for his sake he is able to change his life into a better one if at all he is like this... I understand it may be difficult but hopefully a miracle can happen... I think it is wrong, unhealthy and sad.

Maybe I missed something. A previous poster said he thinks this guy is bi based on his behavior with you. Have you had sex with him? A lot of the behavior you have described seems like standard gay-boy - best friend behavior.

I guess, theoretically, it is possible for a gay man to become straight, however, research indicates that male sexuality is pretty stable (and conversion therapy is not only ineffective, but dangerous).

Maybe I missed something. A previous poster said he thinks this guy is bi based on his behavior with you. Have you had sex with him? A lot of the behavior you have described seems like standard gay-boy - best friend behavior.

Well... the following statements show that he's not exactly been "standard gay"... include this with his statements of wanting to be with her and I think its clear she's frustrated cause he has given mixed signals to her, both physically and emotionally.


...i know that he also had a girlfriend even before we met each other....


...he has attempted on many occasions to get close to my physically....we've kissed and made out a few times in the recent past but prior to that he had attempted on many occasions but back then i didn't feel that way about him yet. when i had given in he had literally begged me to let him feel me...

Well, I've had girlfriends in the past and I make out with my friends (male and female) all the time. Has he officially come out? It's kind of confusing.

To goldilox: I've had a crush on a straight guy before and I held onto anything that suggested that he was gay (or at least bicurious). Do you think you could be doing the same? Does he get jealous of your love interests or does he disapprove of the bad one? When he kisses you, is it playful? etc.

I'm not going to say you are wrong or right. Your experience is yours. I have a great friend who is gay. He doesn't mash with women, doesn't become jealous when his women friends are hit on or dating other men, and he doesn't emotionally manipulate and restrain his women friends by saying he loves them and then acting distant. So, I think the experience she's going through isn't necessarily the "norm"... or maybe it is... I don't know...

Even if such behavior were "acceptable", its not to her. She's getting manipulated... and probably letting herself be as well...

I think the idea of a crush on her is an interesting point. I'm glad you brought it up. Not to mention her having a crush on him.

To americanboy & KP... we've kissed a few times and all the times were very intense... and not like a playful kiss... some of which lead to us making out(not sex)... we've made out a few time and they were all very intense also... most of those times we've made out, we were close to having sex... and he was the one who had made the first moves but I stopped him because I wasn't sure if it was the right thing... until one time we ended up doing it (protected sex ofcourse)... it was hard at that moment to say no.. emotionally I had grown so much closer to him and wanting to be with him more and more... ever since he's become even more emotional about everythign I do... he gets jealous when other guys are interested in me... and its not that he sees that person as a bad person or a good person... duzn't matter who it is... he just can't help it and it shows in his actions even when he tries to hide it, he makes sarcastic remarks about them... we haven't been close (intimate i.e)for the past few weeks because of that same jealousy problem as I explained earlier about some friend of mine he saw me having lunch with at a restaurant even as casual as it was.but now he's beginning to come back to his normal self... he's starting to show a little bit and texting me about hwo much he misses me when he's away from me.. he had stopped doing this when that incident happened... for the last few days I've been trying to forget what I feel for him... trying not to think of him and for a little while it made me feel better... but now that he's starting to show a little bit more slowly, I'm starting to think of him and feel the same way again... he's confusing me... and I don't want to bring up the topic to him again about him and me... it frustrates me... what do you guys think now...

So he came out as gay and then had sex with you? If he did come out as gay and then had sex with you, he's probably using you to try to become straight. If you just suspected he was gay, something else is going on. Maybe he's just awkward around girls, maybe gay and trying to figure it out.

Regardless of the above, he can't keep jerking you around. You might have to tell him that he needs to be with you, or you need a break from the friendship. Don't be a jerk about it, but be direct and forceful. Like I said before, I can identify with having a crush on someone of a different sexual persuasion. It's really hard to be direct with them because you enjoy whatever attention you get, but it's not healthy. I (a bit angrily) told off the straight guy I had a crush on while we were drunk at a bar after he felt me up. It embarrassed him so much that he hasn't spoken to me, at all, since that night... so watch your tone if it comes to that.

Maybe he just wasn't sure what he was after, experimented both ways and has decided he is more comfortable being Hetero.

I'd say its possible for a gay guy to go straight, just as its possible for a straight guy to go gay. It's a personal choice.

I'm willing to bet he is more of an unsure Bi than gay.

It's not a choice, but I will agree that it is possible (although unlikely).

You can't change gay pple OK I'm queer and I've tried so hard to change trust me

HI Goldilox... I do not recommend that you go for such a relationship for many reasons...

A) I do not think he will change , and even if he did he might go back to his behavior after having you .
B) He does not know what he wants...
C) Would you accept such a partner for yourself?? Don't you think that you deserve someone better... if not emotional wise think of it from the health prospect and the dangerous sexual disease which might get transmitted to you...
D) you do not love him... you just have this feeling for him now because you are not dating since long time... he was there in front of you why you did not feel for him earlier...
E) the reason behind we get ourselves involved in relationship is to feel happy , secured, share our lives with someone... I doubt that you will feel happy in this relationship neither secured... as for sharing everything with him already you are doing that... Be careful and differentiate between friendship & love.

Good Luck.

Ms. Redrose

I just want to know how possible it is for a gay guy to go straight because i have this friend who is actually my best friend and we both go way back from school and now we work together...we do practically everything together; work, party, gym, tennis, you name it, except sleep together. He has been claiming to be interested in me during those years we've been friends but its almost as if his gears changes time to time..so like some times he shows his interest in me and other times it goes back to just being friends. this has gone on for years but ive always had my suspicions that he had this gay thing to him which he always denied when i asked him. ive seen the way he behaves with other gay guys and most of his guy friends are gay...he enjoys flirting with them and a few occasions ive seen him go back to his room with them even though he said that they just wanted to spend the night because they were tired. right now he's started back on that same trend where he's really getting emotional and all about me and he wants to be with me. I am confused. I'm beginning to have these feelings for him that i never thought i would feel and i dont know what to do....he gets mad when he sees others guys interested in me and right now he's being very cold as a result of that...for a few weeks now we have not been as close as we've always been and hardly even communicating....what do you think?do you think he can change?

I just want to know how possible it is for a gay guy to go straight because i have this friend who is actually my best friend and we both go way back from school and now we work together...we do practically everything together; work, party, gym, tennis, you name it, except sleep together. He has been claiming to be interested in me during those years we've been friends but its almost as if his gears changes time to time..so like some times he shows his interest in me and other times it goes back to just being friends. this has gone on for years but ive always had my suspicions that he had this gay thing to him which he always denied when i asked him. ive seen the way he behaves with other gay guys and most of his guy friends are gay...he enjoys flirting with them and a few occasions ive seen him go back to his room with them even though he said that they just wanted to spend the night because they were tired. right now he's started back on that same trend where he's really getting emotional and all about me and he wants to be with me. I am confused. I'm beginning to have these feelings for him that i never thought i would feel and i dont know what to do....he gets mad when he sees others guys interested in me and right now he's being very cold as a result of that...for a few weeks now we have not been as close as we've always been and hardly even communicating....what do you think?do you think he can change?
He's either gay or bi, but in either case he has had a crush on you for years. You are his fantasy. Have you ever tried anything gay? It would break his heart if you did and it wasn't with him. Are you interested in him at all? If you really value this friendship, you must determine some things. If he always says "no" when you enquire if he is gay, it's because he fears he'll lose you as a friend if he answers yes. If we lived in a better world, perhaps you two would try out a little togetherness, but we don't, and in this world as it is, to be gay is to be weak, wrong, sinner, etc. But to answer your question, no, a gay guy cannot go straight. He can pretend he is straight, get married, have children, be one of the boys, but he will not be straight. Always, in his head, when he makes love to whoever, most likely he will be thinking of you.

I know that I did love him in a frienly way before I started feeling this way about him... and I do care for him a lot... I believe he cares just as much for me but right now ever since I started feeling this way... I don't know if the kind of love I had for him back then has changed into the kind of love a woman has for a man... im not too sure about that and still trying to find out but to answer one of your questions... he has never admitted to be gay... its just my suspicions, seeing him around other gay guys, flirting with them, etc... prior to when things started to change with me emotionally about him... he was very comfortable doing it in my presence although during those times he used to talk about him being with me all along... but like there were times for e.g. we'd go to a bar and have drinks and just for fun we'd check out all the gay guys around together... it even came to a point where we were both playing games by sending them drinks from across the bar without identifying ourselves... for me I did it just for fun but I don't know what his real reason was although he would say its just for fun for himself also... but this is just one e.g... we've had many encounters like this together and I go with the flow but in the back of my head I'm monitoring his motions etc... but at that time I didn't feel that way about him so it was okay for me to play along... I used to tease him telling him that I suspected him but he always denied it and said that he's just very comfortable with his sexuality... but its just so funny that he flirts with them all the time and hardly ever does it with females... well... at this point I am frustrated and whilst emotionally I want to be with him... my mind is telling me to get out of it... I just need to find a way stop myself from feeling that way about him... I know seeing someone else may help but at this point there's absolutely no potential person right now that I see... and even me being away from him would help but its not possible since we work together... he's in my eyes everyday... we do gym and tennis together everyday... what are your suggestions... and I appreciate eveyrone's opinions and advice.. thanks a lot.

Maybe he just wasn't sure what he was after, experimented both ways and has decided he is more comfortable being Hetero.

I'd say its possible for a gay guy to go straight, just as its possible for a straight guy to go gay. Its a personal choice.

I'm willing to bet he is more of an unsure Bi than gay.

I tried to "go straight" for over 20 yrs. I prayed daily, begging to be , what I thought was normal. If he's bi, that's a whole different thing, but a dog can't turn into a cat.(bad analogy, but I think you get the point

I respect your opinion on it... I believe anythign is possible by the grace of God... I hope not because I may want to be with him but for his sake that he can change this kind of life... I pray that he does someday soon...

I think you want him to change his life because you have a crush on him, but that's not going to happen. I've been in your situation, it sucks, but you have to quit dwelling on it, and if that means you have to limit your contact with him, DO IT!! He is not responsible for your happiness, you are.

On a side: there's nothing wrong with him if he's gay.

While I respect your opinion on being gay... I hope that he can change for his own sake... and not just for the mare reason that I may want to be with him... but as a true friend also... I have faith and believe that anything is possible... what I just need to do is to stop myself from having those feelings for him... I need to be the same old me I used to be with him before all those feelings came along... maybe it's the best thing... I may be happier and hopefully he will too... but then he needs to stop pursueing me... stop with all the 'i miss u's' and the 'i want to be with u's' and the jealousy thingy when other guys show interest in me... y should he get jealous and mad when other guys show interest in me if that's the case?

Is he actually jealous or are you perveiving jealousy? He does not need to change his sexuality to be happy (why "for his sake"?). You, however, need to grow up and realize that you can't always get what you want. It is almost impossible (and some argue completely impossible) for a gay man to turn straight or vice versa. If he is gay, you are probably analyzing everything he does and reading romance into his behavior.

Whether he's gay, he doesn't seem like he's into you. Like I said before, if you can't just get over that, maybe you should take a break from the friendship.

You would disagree because you do not know right from wrong or good from evil because you do not believe there is a God... but whether he is into me or whateva the case may be... I hope he isn't gay and if he is I still hope he changes, not for me as I quote again but for his sake... these things are of the world... it is not true happiness.. and I believe there is every possibility for change by God's grace...

I just want to know how possible it is for a gay guy to go straight because i have this friend who is actually my best friend and we both go way back from school and now we work together...we do practically everything together; work, party, gym, tennis, you name it, except sleep together. He has been claiming to be interested in me during those years we've been friends but its almost as if his gears changes time to time..so like some times he shows his interest in me and other times it goes back to just being friends. this has gone on for years but ive always had my suspicions that he had this gay thing to him which he always denied when i asked him. ive seen the way he behaves with other gay guys and most of his guy friends are gay...he enjoys flirting with them and a few occasions ive seen him go back to his room with them even though he said that they just wanted to spend the night because they were tired. right now he's started back on that same trend where he's really getting emotional and all about me and he wants to be with me. I am confused. I'm beginning to have these feelings for him that i never thought i would feel and i dont know what to do....he gets mad when he sees others guys interested in me and right now he's being very cold as a result of that...for a few weeks now we have not been as close as we've always been and hardly even communicating....what do you think?do you think he can change?
As Woody Allen sez, 'Being Bisexual means you've doubled your chances for a date Saturday night!'

I hate to ask but are you that hard up that you can't find someone, anyone, that is a better bet than this gay or bi guy? These boards are covered up with wimmen wondering if their guy is gay or bi or genderbending or whatever and it doesn't look like a fun experience other than having a great woman Monday morning story of, 'you have pain? Let me tell you about pain, you don't even know where it lives - my husband/BF is wearing my clothes and sleeping with ever man he can including my brother, my cousins, uncles, Dad (and StepDad) and then he... ' and 'its just so humilating to me as a woman!'
You'll find few will listen as you knew it going in.

Oh, have you noticed that some gays are far better drama queens than most wimmen ever thought of being?

So iffen you are up and ready for that kind of thing, have a great time and be sure to write.

Please to rate if helpful.

As Woody Allen sez, 'Being Bisexual means you've doubled your chances for a date Saturday night!'

I hate to ask but are you that hard up that you can't find someone, anyone, that is a better bet than this gay or bi guy? These boards are covered up with wimmen wondering if their guy is gay or bi or genderbending or whatever adn it doesn't look like a fun experience other than having a great woman Monday morning story of, 'you have pain?! Let me tell ya about pain, you don't even know where it lives - my husband/BF is wearing my clothes and sleeping with ever man he can including my brother, my cousins, uncles, Dad (and StepDad) and then he....' and 'its just so humilating to me as a woman!'
You'll find few will listen as you knew it going in.

Oh, have you noticed that some gays are far better drama queens than most wimmen ever thought of being?

So iffen you are up and ready for that kind of thing, have a great time and be sure to write.

Please to rate if helpful.


Thank you for your input... I am not totally sure that he really is... im hoping that he's not... but sometimes falling for someone is not always something you can help... this is not a situation I want to be in esp if he is... and I am fighting it.. my feelings etc.. so that I can move on... and I do agree that they are far better drama queens than most women... and I am also aware this is no pain compared to what others go through.. though I wouldn't really consider it (my situation) to be 'pain' but somewhat confusion.. looking for the truth, for an answer, wanting to know exactly what the situation is... in order for me to know where I am going...

Has it occurred to you that if he *is* gay (and I really do suspect he's gay), that YOU are preventing him from being happy in his own skin?

If you believe in God, and right and wrong--who are YOU to judge him? Isn't that GOD'S job?

Judgemental people with no tolerance and acceptance of how things ARE--those are the people fueling wars in the world.

Being Christian doesn't give you the right to decide what's right and wrong for the whole world, honey. Stop judging your friend and accept him as he IS --gay -- and maybe BOTH of you will be less confused.

Who said I was judging anyone? If you read my posts right I was in no way judging that he is... besides I don't even know for a fact that he is so how can I judge him? I am not preventing him from being happy.. afterall I wasn't interferring in his life at all where his relationships were concerned but he was the one pursueing me and he has been for years even when I pushed him away he wudn't stop... how can you say that?

Because you hope for his sake that he can change--I read that to be changing from gay to straight, because it's "wrong" to be gay.

If I'm wrong in how I read that, I'll apologize--but I really think that if he IS gay, he is hiding it from you by pursuing you--so that you don't hate him and thing that he's "wrong" and needs to change.

Again, my apologies if I misread your stance on it.

Now I understand why he's having a hard time coming out. At first I thought it was just that you were misreading his signal because you have a crush on him. Now I realize that he's a closet gay-man who surrounds himself with people who tell him he should hate himself. I think he's trying to be straight (unnaturally) to fit in with his dreadful circle of friends.

There is no helping those who don't want help. I'm sorry I wasted my time trying to help you.