13 threads merged for the whole story



I will try to be as concise as possible as I describe my past relationship.

I met my ex girlfriend through mutual friends, went out on a first date with her, and started being exclusive with her a few weeks after that. We were both busy (graduate students), but talked everyday and say each other whenever possible.

We had been dating for a little more than four months when she went to Europe for three weeks with one of the mutual (girl) friends that introduce me to her. We stayed in contact over email (daily, for the most part), and she called me when she could, which was about three or four times.

I was in between school and work over the summer, not having much to do, and I really missed her quite a bit. Per her emails, she seemed to miss me quite a bit, too.

After she had been back for a week or two, I told her somewhat spontaneously (although I had given serious consideration to the subject) that I loved her while sitting next to her on the couch one evening. She held me closer, smiled and kissed me--but did not say it back. The next day, she said she was happy to hear it from me, but wanted to make sure that it meant something if/when she said it to me.

She had to leave town for about 4-5 days to see family and take care of some other things, and when she came back she complained one night of not getting to be with me, and was asking for a set of keys to my place.

Later in the week, after a movie in the afternoon, she told me she didn't think our relationship was going anywhere, and thought we should take a break. I reluctantly agreed, and did not contact her again unless she contacted me.

After 2 days, she called me--which was much earlier than I was expecting. She said she wanted to get together to talk, but later cancelled, saying she thought she needed more time (something I thought too). She called me again two days later, and said she wanted to meet again. She came over later that evening, and ultimately said she thought we should be done.

During the time she requested the break until she broke up with me, she seemed (and told me that) she was very confused about what, if anything, she wanted. Apparently she realized some of her independence while in Europe, amongst other things, and was feeling a bit suffocated by me.

Given how things were going, I really had no indication that I was smothering her, and now worry that expressing my love for her is what drove her away.

I really do care deeply about her and love her with all my heart.

It's been 8 days, and I've managed to avoid contacting her--which has been very difficult.

I would appreciate any input on what likely drove her away, whether telling her that I love her was a mistake, and how I can best carry on with things.

Thank you.

She seems confused. I don't think it was anything you did. Telling her you loved her was not a bad thing because if it was, her actions would have been different, like they always say "actions speak louder than words".

Give her some time, I know it will be hard for you but it is something that should be done for the both of you. Give her some space and let her clear her mind so that if she is ready to get back into the relationship, which may or may not happen, she can continue to be in the relationship with her whole heart instead of confusion.

Above all, I wish the best of luck to you and I hope this helped

She seems confused. I don't think it was anything you did. Telling her you loved her was not a bad thing becuase if it was, her actions would have been different, like they always say "actions speak louder than words".

Give her some time, I know it will be hard for you but it is something that should be done for the both of you. Give her some space and let her clear her mind so that if she is ready to get back into the realtionship, which may or may not happen, she can continue to be in the relationship with her whole heart instead of confusion.

Above all, I wish the best of luck to you and I hope this helped

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I will continue to avoid contact with her, hope for the best, and try to move on with my life in the meantime.

She's afraid of intimacy. There's nothing you can do but walk away. I wish you the best. If you push, she'll hate you for it. <shrug> Life is tough!

I agree with everyone - it's not anything you did, you sound like a lovely person, and good things come to good people, so just continue on in your life and know that God obviously has something coming alone that is exactly what you want =)

Hey, saying I love you will never ever be a mistake! It's the best thing happens to anyone, including her! She loved it, its just something inside of her is afraid of intimacy. Let her fix that part. You go ahead with your life, something might come that you never imagine :D

She's afraid of intimacy. There's nothing you can do but walk away. I wish you the best. If you push, she'll hate you for it. <shrug> Life is tough!

Thanks for responding--I appreciate the shrug and your good wishes.

I agree with everyone - it's not anything you did, you sound like a lovely person, and good things come to good people, so just continue on in your life and know that God obviously has something coming alone that is exactly what you want =)

Thank you for your kind reply. I will continue to pray about this, as I have been since she asked for a break with me.

hey, saying i love you will never ever be a mistake! Its the best thing happens to anyone, including her! She loved it, its just something inside of her is afraid of intimacy. Let her fix that part. You go ahead with your life, something might come that you never imagine :D

Thanks for your reassuring words. I hope she values my feelings for her half as much as you think she should!

Today has been very difficult for me--I miss my ex deeply. I've been tempted to call her, but I know that I shouldn't . Every time my phone rings, I jump, hoping that it's her calling. I just feel completely lost.

You are going through a grieving process. We all go through it when we lose a loved one, be it a break up or a death, we all grieve.

I have lost a loved one too recently. It takes time. It takes patience. Busy yourself. Be with friends, family, whoever will have you, LOL. But you have to let yourself grieve, you have to go through all of the steps to become a better you. You can do it, we all do. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, all you have to do is look, you will find it.

Your feelings are so normal, and your decision to give her space, and not put pressure on her, is a very wise and mature course of action. Just stay busy with family, friends and happy people, who are enjoying themselves. Don't really know what her problem is, but I doubt if its you. Your doing the right things for yourself, and that's good. Much luck, and keep us updated, or if you have questions.

Well, I went out with friends last night, which is something I really haven't done since my breakup.

After I had a few drinks, one of my friends convinced me to delete my ex's phone number from my phone. Although there is a good chance I might have called her later that night if I didn't delete her number, it's been painful this afternoon thinking that it's gone from my phone.

Two of my closest friends are mutual friends with my ex (actually how I met her), and I was with them last night. In that respect, it was kind of hard on me, as I was reminded of how I met my ex, etc.

I really don't feel any sense of closure yet. It was, and remains, troubling to me the level of confusion that my ex had during the time she asked for a break to when she broke up with me. I guess I just feel like she never really "sold" me on the breakup, so to speak.

Although I can no longer call her, I have been really tempted to send her a pithy email, or something along those lines. While I'll likely be able to avoid the temptation, and I know that continuing NC is what is best for me, I hope and pray every day that she will contact me. It's painful to think that she hasn't given me a second thought since our breakup, and that's how I feel since we haven't talked at all.

I'd like to thank everyone else for their recent replies, and just thought I would provide this as an update of sorts of how I am doing and what I am having a hard time with.

After I've been back at my place alone for a while, I've started to dwell on my ex again.

It's been a rough night, and I almost sent her an email, but managed not to.

Interestingly enough you've taken your first positive step toward good health. Not giving into that urge was a powerful step in the right direction and even tough it was rough, you got through it. Repeat that same action, when the urge to contact her comes up again. Time will make it better.

Today would have been our anniversary.

I hadn't even given it much thought until I was looking at my calendar. I was very tempted to drop her a note, letting her know that I was thinking of her. Somehow, I managed not to again.

My mood was better today. I just miss my ex deeply, though.

Is there anything else I can/should be doing?

Thank you again.

Repeat that same action, when the urge to contact her comes up again. Time will make it better.:)Stay busy working on a life that you enjoy without her in it, and find your own happiness.

My ex was suppose to be my guest at a friend's wedding this weekend.

Is there any reason I should contact her to ask if she would still like to go?

Edit: I could really use some feedback on this. I know it would be breaking NC, but she was named on my invitation, has a dinner ordered for her, etc. Is this just wishful thinking on my part, though?

Bump for discussion of the quickly approaching wedding. Thank you!

I would really not count on her for anything, and would look to making other arrangements that don't include her. Be pretty awkward being socially involved with asomeone your broken up with.

While it was kind of hard to do, I decided against asking her to the wedding.

She will be leaving the country for a few weeks in about 10 days. I was thinking about sending her an email shortly before she leaves to wish her a safe trip.

I am torn because I think NC is probably best for me, but I really miss talking with her. It will have been about a month that we've been broken up, and not talked (assuming she doesn't contact me before she leaves--which seems most likely).

Does anyone have any thoughts on sending the email?

Don't do it. It's been 5 months since my ex fiancé dumped me again and on the forth of July was a bad. I was depressed and lonely all day witch I haven't done in weeks. Breaking NC only brings you back to square one. Trust me I have broken it and doesn't do you any good but bring you down.

No emails or anything else. Focus on you and your own grieving. Staying busy, and not isolating yourself, will help keep you from dwelling on the past.

I've been broken up with my ex girlfriend for almost three weeks. There is no other guy in the equation, and she was really confused about what, if anything, she wanted, at least in terms of a relationship.


We have not talked at all since the breakup, although I tagged some pictures of us on Facebook recently--and I know she has been online to see them.


When I ask my close friends whether I should call her, they are split almost 33/33/33 on what to do.


These are essentially what my friends are suggesting:


1. Call her and let her know exactly how I feel about her (i.e. that I still care about her and want to get back together).

2. Call her and just talk/see if she wants to get together for a drink.

3. Absolutely do not call her for any reason.


Assuming that I love my ex, want to get back together with her, and am willing to take on additional weeks of pain to attempt to do so, which option is my best choice?

I would suggest option #2. Just casually get together and see what happens from there. Don't "drown" her with "i still love you, i still want to be with you", because that may just repel her more. Just be friends until she is ready to be more than that again , if she ever is :)

It all depends on what type of person she is. Like if it were me, I wouldn't care how unavailable you were, I'd still be moving on with my life. That's just what kind of person I am. The best way to test your waters so to speak, is to just get together casually and see where things go :)

Yeah go for #2. It's safer and smarter

Should I wait any longer before contacting her?

The last thing that I want to do is contact her if she was going to contact me in the near future, and/or make her upset/push her away.

When was the last time you were in contact with her?

We last talked 19 days ago, when we broke up after being on a "break" for four days.

She will be going out of the country for two weeks for school, leaving on or about July 17.

I would say now would probably be an OK time to contact her, just for a casual dinner or drinks :)

I wouldn't do any of those things. I would accidentally on purpose run into her somewhere. I'd say, "Oh hey, what are you doing here?!" and go from there. I would never call a guy I broke up with, but that's just the way I am. Now if I was a guy... I'd probably do the same to save face.

In your other post your mind was made up so why change now? Leave her alone, and build your own life and be happy. You will always feel like contacting her again, until you heal. Just read the result of others who have posted here, and the hurt and confusion they went through trying to get back what they once had. Its normal to look back and hope, but a disaster when you find they have moved on. Focus on your own health and healing.

I'll go along with option #3. If there's any interest on her part, then sooner or later she'll take it upon herself to exercise option #2.

My ex sent me an instant message tonight.

I was NOT expecting anything from her at all.

We talked for about 15 minutes, during which time I tried to as casually as possible let her know that I have been missing her; I also asked if she wanted to get together for a drink before she leaves this coming week.

All in all, I think the conversation went fairly well--especially since I was so surprised by it.

I have no idea what, if anything it means. I am trying not to build it up into something that it's not, but I feel so happy that I've talked to her again.

I plan on letting her contact me again next, if she wishes to.

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

I wouldn't send the flowers. If she doesn't want to get back together with you on her own, think of it as her loss and move on.

I think if she receives flowers from you, she would be moved and be back with you.
And flowers mean love.

Don't send flowers.

Send them. Everyone here says NC NC NC... blah blah blah...

Well if I had gone with NC I wouldn't have just received a text from my girl telling me how much she loves me! I didn't beg or anything for her back, I manned up and grew some balls. I told her straight up what I want and how I didn't want to move on in life unless she was there. It worked. She realized what she has, a man that loves her dearly. Good luck

Oh and I wanted to say, if you don't send them someone else eventually will... dont miss your chance to welcome her back with love!

Send the flowers with a card that says:

"Just a little something to brighten your home. Hope you had a great trip.

Love, tiodaat"

You wouldn't believe the power flowers have over a woman. No kidding.

Yes send the flowers. You have nothing to lose! If she does not come back it will be because she didn't want to in the first place not because you sent her flowers.

Sending her flowers will bring out her true feelings for you. The only reason she would see you as needy is if she didn't have any feelings anymore. If her feelings are still strong then she won't reject the flowers.

I sent flowers to my ex when we broke up before and she didn't think of it as needy. So do what you have to do. Just don't beg. It's her love for you that will bring her back to you whether you send her flowers or not.

As long as you are sending flowers to set up personal closure for yourself I see no harm in doing it. I'm going to do my part to put this site out of business. The reason this site continues to stay in business is because people have stopped trusting their own judgement and would rather enslave their minds to a bunch of faceless strangers on a message board to do their thinking for them.

Don't send the flowers. I don't see a point.

Your correct in your assessment of the cons. You look needy, desperate and unattractive and also come across as pushy!

If she misses you she doesn't need flowers to confirm it. That's a load of nonsense.

And I can assure you from experience that actions like this don't give you closure. They just leave you asking more questions. Questions like "i wonder if she got them?" "i wonder if they had an effect on her" "Why hasnt she called to thank me" etc etc.

Just leave it. If she misses you she will get in contact when she is good an ready. Flowers will push her further away!

Yes go ahead and send the flowers. You have nothing to lose! If she does not come back it will be because she didn't want to in the first place not because you sent her flowers.

Sending her flowers will bring out her true feelings for you. The only reason she would see you as needy is if she didn't have any feelings anymore. If her feelings are still strong then she won't reject the flowers.

I sent flowers to my ex when we broke up before and she didn't think of it as needy. So do what you have to do. Just don't beg. It's her love for you that will bring her back to you whether you send her flowers or not.

As long as you are sending flowers to set up personal closure for yourself I see no harm in doing it. I'm going to do my part to put this site out of business. The reason this site continues to stay in business is because people have stopped trusting their own judgement and would rather enslave their minds to a bunch of faceless strangers on a message board to do their thinking for them.

True feelings aren't brought out by someone sending you flowers. If you need flowers to bring out true feelings then they aren't really true are they??

Stop bagging this site. If you don't like it fcuk off!!

Your helping no one by constantly bagging everyone who has a different opinion to you. Its OK to share you opposing point of view but stop running everyone else down who doesn't agree with you.

True feelings arent brought out by someone sending you flowers. If you need flowers to bring out true feelings then they arent really true are they???

Stop bagging this site. If you dont like it fcuk off!!!!

Your helping no one by constantly bagging everyone who has a different opinion to you. Its ok to share you opposing point of view but stop running everyone else down who doesnt agree with you.


I will do what the hell I want to do on this website. You are not in a position to tell me to leave this site! As long as I have access to this site from any computer I will stop at nothing to help put this site out of business!

I will do what the hell I want to do on this website. You are not in a position to tell me to leave this site! As long as I have access to this site from any computer I will stop at nothing to help put this site out of business!

Hahahahahaha

Well done tough guy.

Back to the OP!

I still think it is unwise to send the flowers to the ex. You were right in the assessment of cons! And you sure don't want to look a needy, desperate and pushy guy do you??

Hahahahahaha

Well done tough guy.

Back to the OP!

I still think it is unwise to send the flowers to the ex. You were right in the assessment of cons! And you sure dont want to look a needy, desperate and pushy guy do you?????


Don't listen to anything skell says. His only agenda is to kick me around when I'm already down. That's how he makes himself look better in the eyes of other posters!

I think that's a good idea tiodaat.

You need to give yourself time to clear your head and get to know who you are again. No contact will allow this. And in a couple of months time you still feel the need to give her a call then you can reassess then. UUt until that point I would just continue living and worrying about your own life and not hers.

After all that is what she is doing.

P.S. Dreamy is a little upset today. Just ignore him. He gets like this when he hasn't taken his medication. Deep down he is a real cutie pie!

Don't listen to anything skell says. His only agenda is to kick me around when I'm already down. That's how he makes himself look better in the eyes of other posters!


Seriously man, get over it. Maybe you should get out and find a new girl. You seem really pissed. Got sand in your panties today?

Well POSTER... I would like to add that you shouldn't listen to one person in particular (your friend) but listen to what everyone has to say. But ultimatley make up your own decision. That's what I did, everone told me to not call, but I made my own choice because only I know my situation. The emotional support here is awesome, albeit sometimes not what you want to hear.

seriously man, get over it. maybe you should get out and find a new girl. you seem really pissed. got sand in your panties today?

well POSTER............i would like to add that you shouldnt listen to one person in particular (your friend) but listen to what everyone has to say. but ultimatley make up your own decision. thats what i did, everone told me to not call, but i made my own choice because only i know my situation. the emotional support here is awesome, albeit sometimes not what you want to hear.

Thanks for your reply. My decision is all the more difficult, because I keep getting a lot of conflicting advice.

My mom says I shouldn't, my dad thinks I should. Some friends think I should, some don't, etc.

I realize I know my situation the best, but still feel lost in making this decision. She should know how much I care about her, and I really do not want to be seen as pushy/needy. That said, (and maybe it's just wishful thinking), I was hoping she would come to miss me some while out of the country, and the flowers would reinforce her feelings for me.

seriously man, get over it. maybe you should get out and find a new girl. you seem really pissed. got sand in your panties today?

well POSTER............i would like to add that you shouldnt listen to one person in particular (your friend) but listen to what everyone has to say. but ultimatley make up your own decision. thats what i did, everone told me to not call, but i made my own choice because only i know my situation. the emotional support here is awesome, albeit sometimes not what you want to hear.


The emotional support here is not awesome. My worst enemies exist on this site! I have not gotten anything positive out of this place. I don't really believe anyone here is sincere about helping others.

When it comes to the crunch I would listen to mom. After all she is a women isn't she and she would know best how another women would think.

Dad means well but at the end of the day he is like the rest of us hopeless romantic boys isn't he?

I still maintain that flowers won't make her miss you. If she does then she will call anyway!

Its up to you and you should trust your judgment but if you ask my opinion I would definitely go with mum! I have been in your shoes before and I know I made the wrong decision in sending the flowers. But that's just me isn't it!

The emotional support here is not awesome. My worst enemies exist on this site! I have not gotten anything positive out of this place. I don't really believe anyone here is sincere about helping others.

If your worst enemies are here on this site then you really need to get a life.

You really make me laugh dreamypie!

When it comes to the crunch i would listen to mom. After all she is a women isnt she and she would know best how another women would think.

Dad means well but at the end of the day he is like the rest of us hopeless romantic boys isnt he?

I still maintain that flowers wont make her miss you. If she does then she will call anyway!

Its up to you and you should trust your judgment but if you ask my opinion i would definitely go with mum! I have been in your shoes before and i know i made the wrong decision in sending the flowers. But thats just me isnt it!


Sending flowers won't hurt his cause either. Again if she doesn't come back it will be because she didn't want to in the first place not because he sent flowers.

When it comes to the crunch i would listen to mom. After all she is a women isnt she and she would know best how another women would think.

Dad means well but at the end of the day he is like the rest of us hopeless romantic boys isnt he?

I still maintain that flowers wont make her miss you. If she does then she will call anyway!

Its up to you and you should trust your judgment but if you ask my opinion i would definitely go with mum! I have been in your shoes before and i know i made the wrong decision in sending the flowers. But thats just me isnt it!

Thanks again for replying.

You are right about my dad being the romantic, I guess. My he and my mom broke up for about a month before getting back together and eventually married--I guess he is probably basing his advice on how he went after my mom, so to speak, to win her back.

As of now, I am definitely leaning toward not sending them. I still really, deeply care for her, though and feel like I should do something. Then again, maybe doing nothing is the best thing that I can do for the time being.

The emotional support here is not awesome. My worst enemies exist on this site! I have not gotten anything positive out of this place. I don't really believe anyone here is sincere about helping others.


What do you expect when you do nothing but tell people their advice sucks.

Oh and seriously man, your worst enemies? W t f? This is only a message board man. If you don't like it don't read it dude... its that simple.

Thanks again for replying.

You are right about my dad being the romantic, I guess. My he and my mom broke up for about a month before getting back together and eventually married--I guess he is probably basing his advice on how he went after my mom, so to speak, to win her back.

As of now, I am definitely leaning toward not sending them. I still really, deeply care for her, though and feel like I should do something. Then again, maybe doing nothing is the best thing that I can do for the time being.


Yes I think that at the least a phone call would suffice. She will no doubt be glad to hear that you were thinking about her. Flowers may be a bit too much, I say though the flowers are not going to drive her away if she already wasn't coming back. If she isn't then she knows it. But at least if you do care, and it sounds like you do care a lot for her, then at least ask her how the trip was.

Did she say why she wanted to break up? I think that this might help all of us give you the correct answer for the situation.

Did she say why she wanted to break up? I think that this might help all of us give you the correct answer for the situation.

She said she was confused about what, if anything, she wanted right now.

I have since heard that she told a good friend something along the lines of "it's not that I don't like him, it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."

From my own thoughts on the subject, I think it was a combination of things that ultimately lead to her losing her initial attraction in me.

First of all, she went to Europe for three weeks with a good (girl) friend of hers. I was in between school and summer employment, and found myself missing her a great deal. While we sent equally musy emails, so to speak, talking about how much we missed each other, I think while she was keeping busy, I was just kind of sitting around, wanting to be with her.

She came back, but had to head home for 4-5 days. So, in the last month that we dated, I barely saw her.

That said, just a few days prior to our breakup, she was complaining about not seeing me enough, and was asking for a set of keys to my apartment.

I also told her that I loved her (about 2 weeks for the breakup). She smiled, held me closer and kissed me, saying she was happy to hear it, but did not say it back. The next day, she said she wanted to make sure that it meant something when she said it.

So, in sum, I think the dynamic of our relationship changed with the advent of summer, her trip (first time out of the country), me telling her that I loved her, and me (probably) being perceived as somewhat needy/clingy.

Let me know if I can add any more useful information.

She said she was confused about what, if anything, she wanted right now.

I have since heard that she told a good friend something along the lines of "it's not that I don't like him, it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."

From my own thoughts on the subject, I think it was a combination of things that ultimately lead to her losing her initial attraction in me.

First of all, she went to Europe for three weeks with a good (girl) friend of hers. I was in between school and summer employment, and found myself missing her a great deal. While we sent equally musy emails, so to speak, talking about how much we missed each other, I think while she was keeping busy, I was just kind of sitting around, wanting to be with her.

She came back, but had to head home for 4-5 days. So, in the last month that we dated, I barely saw her.

That said, just a few days prior to our breakup, she was complaining about not seeing me enough, and was asking for a set of keys to my apartment.

I also told her that I loved her (about 2 weeks for the breakup). She smiled, held me closer and kissed me, saying she was happy to hear it, but did not say it back. The next day, she said she wanted to make sure that it meant something when she said it.

So, in sum, I think the dynamic of our relationship changed with the advent of summer, her trip (first time out of the country), me telling her that I loved her, and me (probably) being perceived as somewhat needy/clingy.

Let me know if I can add any more useful information.

I'd give it another week after she returns to the country, and see what kind of contact (if she calls you to talk or something along those lines) happens, then go from there.

Hopefully my advice helps, good luck with everything.

Do not SEND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! YOU ARE only showing her breaking up with you and treating you,like this is OK. YOu MUST do NOTHING show her you don't put up with this!! You're the prize not her girls love a prize!! Give her floweres you will be further out she will say thanks I need more time!! Trust me

I agree with McKensie. Not sure how old you all are but I think that she lost interest somewhere.

Now put yourself in her shoes. You dumped her, she's nice but you are just not that into her and then a gift appears. You would probably be turned off and think.. . Back off and not reply to her.

Now on the other hand, if you 'broke up with her and you haven't heard from her for a while and then one day get a random email asking about something that you talked about before you would probably think cool, she's not psyco over this, I can be friends and email her back.

The key is to open the communication line up gently and try and work your way back in over a long time.

However, I have found that once is girl is done, she is done. So, suck it up and start dating some others.

Best to you.

How long you been dating??

How long you been dating????

5 or 5.5 months.

You shouldn't be letting it bother you too much then.

If she comes back she comes back. If not then it is only a 5month old relationship. I know it still hurts and you can fall quickly but at least you haven't invested years into it.

Just get back to living life the way you did before she came along. Surely you remember how it was. It wasn't that long ago. Go out with your mates and have some fun.

You shouldnt be letting it bother you too much then.

If she comes back she comes back. If not then it is only a 5month old relationship. I know it still hurts and you can fall quickly but at least you havent invested years into it.

Just get back to living life the way you did before she came along. Surely you remember how it was. it wasnt that long ago. Go out with your mates and have some fun.

Thanks for the encouraging words.

I am crazy about her--haven't felt even remotely this interested in someone for years. Granted I am only 24, but I'll be done with grad school in 2 years, and, while probably getting ahead of myself, was thinking I could see myself with this girl for a long time.

I'll do my best to living like I use to, though.

Tiodatt,
Was it really necessary to give me a negative "not helpful" remark because I told you not to send flowers to her. ITs obvious why, because she's your EX and she broke up with you. Happy?

Since it has been only 5 month relationship, and you admit you were a clingy person. By not sending flowers you will not look like a clingy person. I would not contact her again. Let her contact you! If she does act happy but make it short and simple. She probably doesn't like clingy guys, so if you guys get back be less clingy. But do NC let her no your not clingy person.

tiodatt,
was it really necessary to give me a negative "not helpful" remark because I told you not to send flowers to her. ITs obvious why, because shes your EX and she broke up with you. Happy??

It really wasn't all that obvious why I shouldn't, and like my comment suggested, your initial response really was not all that helpful.

Since it has been only 5 month relationship, and you admit you were a clingy person. By not sending flowers you will not look like a clingy person. I would not contact her again. Let her contact you! If she does act happy but make it short and simple. She probally doesn't like clingy guys, so if you guys get back be less clingy. But do NC let her no your not clingy person.

Thanks for your reply; I'll keep up with the NC.

As someone who would love to receive flowers from her ex to know he still cares I say send the flowers you have nothing to lose but everything to gain, although I admit I would have my ex back in a heartbeat which isn't going to happen as he met someone a t the wekend there I would still love to know he cares enough to do something like that. GO FOR IT AND GOOD LUCK X

Hope you isn't sent those flowers it won't help. Do nothing wait for her to contact you...

I think your "cons" far outweigh your "pros" in that the cons have a much greater chance of coming true than the pros. I wouldn't do it. It's good that she's contacted you twice so far. Continue to let her be the one contacting you. Meanwhile you build your life around you, not her.

DO NOT SEND THE FLOWERS!! Everyone says girls are different they will be mover!! Yes flowers are one of the greatest thing to get a girl to drop her pants and she will love you heaps and think how special you are, but mate this is while you are in the relationmship not when you're out!!

These peoplke are thinking about giving a girl floewers while your with her don't listen to them they have no idea, she dumpoed on you and you want to give her a present saying its OK to crap on me I'm a LOSER who can't do any better.

Who wants to be with a bloke with no self respect she wants a man who takes no crap, give that to her and show her and give her nothing till your back in...

Anyone who says give her flowers is TOTALLY WRONG!! Play it cool if she misses you she will be back make her wonder what you are doing. Youi know what flowers soound good but says to me HIS WAITING LIKE A PUPPY DOG it won't bring on the feelings of missing YOU!!


GIVE her the greatest gift

The gift of realising she is losing the greatest guy from her life this is why they love you mate they can't live without you!!
WAIT IT OUT and do nothing or have you already sent them!! You probably have ITS WRONG!!

Let us know what you did??

DO NOT SEND THE FLOWERS!!! Everyone says girls are different they will be mover!!!! Yes flowers are one of the greatest thing to get a girl to drop her pants and she will love you heaps and think how special you are, but mate this is while you are in the relationmship not when youre out!!!!!

These peoplke are thinking about giving a girl floewers while your with her dont listen to them they have no idea, she dumpoed on you and you want to give her a present saying its ok to crap on me im a LOSER who can't do any better.

Who wants to be with a bloke with no self respect she wants a man who takes no crap, give that to her and show her and give her nothing till your back in.....

Anyone who says give her flowers is TOTALLY WRONG!!! Play it cool if she misses you seh will be back make her wonder what you are doing. Youi know what flowers soound good but says to me HIS WAITING LIKE A PUPPY DOG it wont bring on the feelings of missing YOU!!!!


GIVE her the greatest gift

The gift of realising she is losing the greatest guy from her life this is why they love you mate they can't live without you!!!
WAIT IT OUT and do nothing or have you already sent them!!! You probly have ITS WRONG!!!!

Let us know what you did???

I haven't sent them.

She won't be back for about 2 weeks, so I have some time to decide.

As of now, I am not planning to send them to her.

I think your "cons" far outweigh your "pros" in that the cons have a much greater chance of coming true than the pros. I wouldn't do it. It's good that she's contacted you twice so far. Continue to let her be the one contacting you. Meanwhile you build your life around you, not her.

Thank you for your input.

Yes, women LOVE flowers but don't send her roses, you will scare her away!

Obviously, I am in the minority here. I still think you should send her flowers with a friendly card, just to brighten her place when she gets back. I agree roses are a bad idea, but who's to say orchids or a simple summer Day Lily arrangement wouldn't be a nice thing?

It has absolutely nothing to do with getting her to drop her pants or what-not, and more to do with a reminder that you still love her. If you really do love her (and I mean love and not just a crush), then why worry about looking desperate? If you get rejected, at least you can say you tried. And if you don't try, then you never will know if you will end up back together, married, with babies, sometime down the road.

My husband, to the outside world, would have looked severely desperate when he tried to win me back, but really he was in love and wanted me back in a bad way. If he had followed that whole no contact rule, I'd be dating some loser down south instead of married with a family.

Just saying. Take it or leave it.

Obviously, I am in the minority here. I still think you should send her flowers with a friendly card, just to brighten her place when she gets back. I agree roses are a bad idea, but who's to say orchids or a simple summer Day Lily arrangement wouldn't be a nice thing?

It has absolutely nothing to do with getting her to drop her pants or what-not, and more to do with a reminder that you still love her. If you really do love her (and I mean love and not just a crush), then why worry about looking desperate? If you get rejected, at least you can say you tried. And if you don't try, then you never will know if you will end up back together, married, with babies, sometime down the road.

My husband, to the outside world, would have looked severely desperate when he tried to win me back, but really he was in love and wanted me back in a bad way. If he had followed that whole no contact rule, I'd be dating some loser down south instead of married with a family.

Just saying. Take it or leave it.

Thanks for your input on this.

This is essentially the reason I am still considering sending them at all.

I think she knows that I really care about, and love her, though.

I suppose the flowers would reinforce this, but I am not sure if it's the right thing to do.

This decision is much more difficult than I anticipated it would be.

Obviously, I am in the minority here. I still think you should send her flowers with a friendly card, just to brighten her place when she gets back. I agree roses are a bad idea, but who's to say orchids or a simple summer Day Lily arrangement wouldn't be a nice thing?

It has absolutely nothing to do with getting her to drop her pants or what-not, and more to do with a reminder that you still love her. If you really do love her (and I mean love and not just a crush), then why worry about looking desperate? If you get rejected, at least you can say you tried. And if you don't try, then you never will know if you will end up back together, married, with babies, sometime down the road.

My husband, to the outside world, would have looked severely desperate when he tried to win me back, but really he was in love and wanted me back in a bad way. If he had followed that whole no contact rule, I'd be dating some loser down south instead of married with a family.

Just saying. Take it or leave it.

Also, I see what you are saying about NC--but I don't plan to maintain NC indefinitely. Hopefully just long enough so that she will have some second thoughts about being without me.

Anyone else have any opinions?

The majority definitely seems to say no, but the minority has made a few good points.

Hay mate you notice one thing the people saying to send the flowers are the women!! Because they don't realise how women really work they are just talking from whatthey believe which they truly do believe flowers will help but girls don't know what they want most of the time that's why they date so called bad boys!! If flowers were so great and that's what itt ook then all good guys would be in and that's not the case!!

Now she dumped you and you are considering sending flowers I will tell you now here's the results.

1. You send the flowers. REsult: She will probably call or text andsaythanks for the flowers THAT IT..

2. You send the flowers : She thinks he still wants me then thinks I'm just not sure he's such a nice guy I just don't feel like I used to.

3. You don't send them: YOu don't call her: You don't text her: RESULT: She starts to miss you and feel a void in her life and she calls, you don't answer, she texts you saying we need to talk. You call her catch up and she says she wants to give it another go. A week later you buy her some flowers she says you're the greatest guy in the world and can't get her pants off quick enough!!


PLEASE don't send them don't think if I send them she will say ohh I want himback this won't happen...
Imagine you dumoped her OK and then a week later she turns up at your door with your favourite food or something and says I still love you, well you would probably say I love that you done this but honestly mate think about it if you are dumoing a girl her giving you something will NOT change your mind but yet imagine you didnthear from her for a week and then you wondered what she was doing and you call she's out you sart to worry maybe she has someone else maybe I made a mistake, then you thinkof the good times and hell yourve got to gt her back!!

NO FLOWERS THEY can't HELP NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. BUt its up to you a lot of guys send the flwers but really why send flowers to someone who dumped you when you were a GREAT guy and she crapped on you!! Really you must think beyond your love I know your huting but congratulating her with flowers showing her you can be walked on ths won't win her back. Girls love to feel likethey don't completely haveyou!!

MAke her feel this way when she returns she will wantto contact you Please don't answer show her that you are the prize now and if she wants to be with you she must show you somerspect because you're a guy in demand...

The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.

After a female kicks you to the curb, your supposed to move on to better things not be stuck on stupid and try to change her mind. Save your money and spend it on something more positive than a pathetic show of please take me back

hettie (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/hettie.html) disagrees: i feel that was a bit harsh the guy can't help how he feels about her love is tough enough give him a bit of positive support it can't do any harm to send them the flowers in themselves wont work a miracle but they will show he cares
(https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/hettie.html)
Reality will be a lot harsher than my words, and maybe he can't help how he feels, he can help what he does about it. The same goes for you, as I am consistent in telling folks to accept its over and move on, instead of being stuck on stupid. Which would you prefer??

Hay mate you notice one thing the people saying to send the flowers are the women!!!! Because they dont realise how women really work they are just talking from whatthey believe which they truly do believe flowers will help but girls dont know what they want most ofthe time thats why they date so called bad boys!!!!! If flowers were so great and thats what itt ook then all good guys would be in and thats not the case!!!!!

Now she dumped you and youare considering sending flowers i will tell you now heres the results.

1. You send the flowers. REsult: She will probly call or text andsaythanks for the flowers THAT IT..

2. You send the flowers : She thinks he still wants me then thinks im just not sure hes such a nice guy i just dont feel like i used to.

3. You dont send them: YOu dont call her: You dont text her: RESULT: She starts to miss you and feel a void in her life and she calls, you dont answer, she texts you saying we need to talk. You call her catch up and she says she wants to give it another go. A week later you buy her some flowers she says your the greatest guy in the world and can't get her pants off quick enough!!!!!!!


PLEASE dont send them dont think if i send them she will say ohh i want himback this wont happen......
Imagine you dumoped her OK and then a week later she turns up at your door with your favourite food or something and says i still love you, well you would probly say i love that you done this but honestly mate think about it if you are dumoing a girl her giving you something will NOT change your mind but yet imagine you didnthear from her for a week and then you wondered what she was doing and you call shes out you sart to worry maybe she has someone else maybe i made a mistake, then you thinkof the good times and hell yourve gotta gt her back!!!!!

NO FLOWERS THEY can't HELP NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. BUt its up to you alot of guys send the flwers but really why send flowers to someone who dumped you when you were a GREAT guy and she crapped on you!!! Really you must think beyond your love I know your huting but congratulating her with flowers showing her you can be walked on ths wont win her back. Girls love to feel likethey dont completely haveyou!!!

MAke her feel this way when she returns she will wantto contact you Please dont answer show her that you are the prize now and if she wants to be with you she must show you somerspect because your a guy in demand...

Thank you for your advice.

After a female kicks you to the curb, your supposed to move on to better things not be stuck on stupid and try to change her mind. Save your money and spend it on something more positive than a pathetic show of please take me back

The fact of the matter is, as of now, at least, I am not ready to give up on trying to get back together with her.

That's not to say I am going to send her flowers when she gets back from out of the country a few weeks from now, but I am going to do something.

Maybe I will wait 2 months and then contact her and ask her out to lunch. I don't really know.

What I do know, though, is that I care deeply about her and that sending these flowers was one course of action that I was considering.

Thanks for responding.

[[QUOTE=tiodaat]The fact of the matter is, as of now, at least, I am not ready to give up on trying to get back together with her.

If you want to get back with her you better give up on trying and wait for her to try or your no chance...


[QUOTE=tiodaat]That's not to say I am going to send her flowers when she gets back from out of the country a few weeks from now, but I am going to do something.

You say you are going to do something, that omething better be waiting for er to contact you, becauseif you contact her first you're OUT!! Don't think she will forget you she will only do this if she is not interested.WAIT IT OUT

[QUOTE=tiodaat]Maybe I will wait 2 months and then contact her and ask her out to lunch. I don't really know.

This is exactly my point you Don't RALLY KOW!! Well you should know we have told you enough what you are going to do and that is absolutely NOTHING... Do you want to win her back or NOT!! You shouldbe saying to yourself she will call me I am the best of course she will call. If she doest after amomth then call. BUt she WILL call They ALWAYS call ALWAYS they need to know what you are doing WOMEN!! SHEWILL CALL YOU MUST WAIT...


[QUOTe=todaat]What I do know, though, is that I care deeply about her and that sending these flowers was one course of action that I was considering.

Yeah letting her no your aloserand a wuss that's all theflowersare going to do. Geezmate how long did yougooutwith her do you really think she needs flowersto show her how much you like her she already knowsthat, and flowers only show her she still has you. Whe you first met you wereprobly a challenge shewasnt sure she had you and she lovedtat, don't turn it into something it shouldn't be she dknows you care but breakingup with you she stabbedyou where it hurts!! Give HER nothing except silence show her you are a great catch and she is missingout...

Mac I'm sorry to inform you that they don't always call mate.

I agree with you that he shouldn't call her but not for the reasons you outline. The reason he shouldn't call her is because he should be moving on and leaving her in the past. His motive shouldn't be based around her calling him instead.

And as I siad I can assure you that they don't always call. Some of them are healthy people who move on with respect and don't play games with their ex. At least mine was kind enough to do it that way to me.

Skell I believe they nearly all call as long as the relationship was not violent or abusive or alcohol rated. And of course it must be a relatonship of at least one year for some feelinfgs and so fourth to grow... I have not got full details of your relationship so I can not say why she did not call. Maybe she had anew guy straight away and thought he wasbetter so didn't bother to call. Maybe you called her that's why she did not call??

Any chance you can fill me in. Its probably irelevant anyway skell andyourv moved on. But I was just wondring?? I think in nearly every case they call. And if they are healthy they normally do not leave a good relationship because they no when they have one. Again not sure why she left you but I did hear something about how se moved straight in with some guy after a year or so, that's not healthy so your kidding yourself if you think she's ealthy that's more like acry for neediness and the needto be wanted by someone and maybe she just lost the attaction and spak for you which was created with someone new... DID YOU CHASE HER I think you must have...

7 year relationship. Non violent, no cheating. Very happy relationship between two healthy people. A little out of line for you to question the healthiness of a relationship you claim you know nothing about other than a post I made recently where she had moved in with a BF longer than 12 months after we had broken up.

Things change. Times change. Feelings change. People change. We were different people at the age of 24 then we were at 16 Mac.

She didn't have a new guy straight away after we broke up. It was 10 months or so and ill agree her moving in with him after 3 months isn't smart. But that has bearing on your claims of them always calling.

She was just respectful enough to see how much I was hurting and she knew that calling me would only hurt me more and give me false hope. She wasn't interested in cat and mouse games and stringing me along.

You sounds like Wildcat with the statements you make. And I can tell you your going down the wrong path there. He has shown recently how wrong he is. Your stereotypes and assumptions are completely wrong. It is the unhealthy ones that call mate. Not the healthy ones.

Because the unhealthy ones are like you who play games and thrive on the attention. We have had contact and can talk fine to one another. There is no hate or anger from either party. We are not interested in games and never have been.

Anyway to be completely honest I'm not really interested in your opinion as to whether my relationship was healthy and why or why not she did or didn't call. I was merely stressing that your assumptions and baseless statements that they always call is misleading to the OP!

Sorry skell disagree. If it was a healthy relationship and she was happy she wouldn't have left. Although being together from the age of 16 may be a factor she may have wondered what elase is out there for her life... Then again why would the next guy she meets be th one she wants to spend her life with his only the second guy she's been with o what your saying is people change andthen she meets new guy and stays with him well its only her second guy.

Problem is when you have a long relationship like yours you ned to keep the spark alive and after 7 years that's not an easy thg to do and when you have other guys around and she is going out she may then start to wonder if what dsh has with you is what she wnts this is the cae in a lot of relationships like yours. This is where you haveto keep her interested and believingyouare the one to stay with and without you she would be lost. Sorry to say but if you wantto keep a girl from 16 once she is about 21 you definitely still nedto be playing games to keep the spark thjere, girls want the spark. I know this does sound a bit like what wildcat preachesand we all know what he ended up doing now. We will see how long that lastsfor and maybe he will be back o here soon. Maybe he likes to gt dumped so he can apply some tactics of WIN back who kows??

You say it as healty well there was obviously a loss of love somewhere there I will put it more down to the spark. This always nees to be kept alive in the young girls especially if it is there first relationship. You must know skell they look to otheres and friends and when they have single friends who tell them how greta it is it is aleways hard to compete with this. This is why games are played and you did not do this and that is why she left. Not getting on ytour back but you did notwant to play these games and if you don't want to play then don't date these young girls who need to be played and made to MISS you!!

That's what they call love MISSING you... Now you say she sidnt call cause she new you would be hurting. Well of course she new this and you were probably upset and she new that who wouldn't be upset after 7 years and you were probably crying wondering what went wrong. There is nothing wrong with that and I know they say you should not show her but fter that long you have a right to be upset with her and mad!!
BUt I think she was thinking like this for a while and you were a bit of a wuss in the relatioonship and as it went on you got to comfortable as you would after 7 years. Girlssay they love comfort but its no good in the real world they ALWAYS want to feel there's a chance you may leave she obviously didn't feel this as you claim she new you were hurting and obviously she wasn't hurting!!

Maybe f you keptafew moretactics in and I know what you will say but after 7 years and I agree after 7 years people should not play games but the problem is she WAS ONLY 23 AND That's WHAT THE GAMESARE BASED ON HER BELIEVIG SHE MAY WANT SOMEONE ELSE AS GIRLS GET OLDER THEY they change a bitand don't onder what else they may bemissing.

Look at it this way you date a girl from 18 till she's 21 you're her first boyfriend she gets to 21 is unsure about you and what she wants with her lidfe. 5 months later she meets a new guy 1 yer leter he proposes what does that say. He was only her 2nd guy, tell me she new what she anted when she met him. Girls are allways confused and the only personwho can control the way they feel at this young age is you...

Sounds like you've been reading lovetactics and askmen and all the other web sites that promise success by applying their tactics.. Well done. Nice regurgitation of their sh1t!

I couldn't even be bothered reading it all to tell the truth.. Ive heard it all beofre and it is BS. Oh I was like you mac. I believed in all this stuff too. I really did. My posts read like yours. Telling people that if they prescribe to these rules and games that they will win the women they want. Who wants to win someone's love? Not me. Id rather earn it through honesty and integrity. Not some crap tactic that web site devised for immature people who aren't ready for a relationship.

It is stereotyping relationships and human being in general. Perhaps that's why you've had so many failed relationships mac. The games you play and this BS you believe don't seem to be working.

Are you sure your not Wildcat in another user name? It all sounds too familiar and this argument about games and tactics has been had and won by a lot smarter people than us mac. His crap has been called out before and shown what a load of BS it is.

As I said mac. I believed all this sh1t too once. I am just glad that through some critical thinking and advise from people a lot smarter than those who feed you this crap that I eventually seen it for what it is. I hope you will too one day!

Anyway, its off track. It isn't about me. I think the OP knows what is best. It is just a matter of whether he can apply it or not.

Sounds like you've been reading lovetactics and askmen and all the other web sites that promise success by applying their tactics.. Well done. Nice regurgitation of their sh1t!

I couldn't even be bothered reading it all to tell the truth.. Ive heard it all beofre and it is BS. Oh i was like you mac. I believed in all this stuff too. I really did. My posts read like yours. Telling people that if they prescribe to these rules and games that they will win the women they want. Who wants to win someones love?? Not me. Id rather earn it through honesty and integrity. Not some crap tactic that web site devised for immature people who arent ready for a relationship.

It is stereotyping relationships and human being in general. Perhaps thats why you've had so many failed relationships mac. The games you play and this BS you believe don't seem to be working.

Are you sure your not Wildcat in another user name? It all sounds too familiar and this argument about games and tactics has been had and won by a lot smarter people than us mac. His crap has been called out before and shown what a load of BS it is.

As i said mac. I believed all this sh1t too once. I am just glad that through some critical thinking and advise from people a lot smarter than those who feed you this crap that i eventually seen it for what it is. I hope you will too one day!

Anyway, its off track. It isn't about me. I think the OP knows what is best. It is just a matter of whether he can apply it or not.

Although I don't want to step into the middle of your discussion with Mac, I just wanted to point out that you are essentially answering my original question the same way--i.e. that I should not send my ex flowers.

Where you seem to differ is in how I should carry on with my life in the meantime, and how I should handle any future communication from her.

I have decided that I will not be sending the flowers--so thank you for that.

In terms of your subsequent advice, I am not sure what to say. I have never played games with anyone before, let alone someone that I care deeply about. And, I feel that ignoring someone on purpose, or things like that, ultimately is just playing games.

That said, I know my ex must have lost her attraction for me at some point, especially given that she more or less said "it's not that I don't like him (me), it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."

I don't know how, or if I even can, rekindle the attraction that she felt for me in the past. It seems like my best bet is to just try to be the best person that I can be. Maybe being more scarce in her life would be useful, too.

Like I said, I am really not sure what my best course of action is; but, I will not send the flowers based upon the advice given in this thread.

I had a really rough day today, for no particular reason, and am starting to feel anxious about still being so hung up on her some ~five weeks later.

Thanks for taking the time to offer some advice, whatever that may be.

I know what you want andthat is to be back with her. The only chance you have is to do nothing and wait to she contacts you. This is not a game this is just practical advice. If you contact her well that's not gettinh you anywhere what are you going to say I WANT YOU BACK, therefore giving her all the control andshe will say " Im not ready' heard it all before. Wait for her call and take it from there. Don't remain friends and don't tell yourself if I can't have her I still want her in my life. If she doent want to be your girlfriend never ever contact her because what willhappen you will stay friends she will get a new guy anfd you will not hear from her again and you will even feel more used. She will string you along as a friend and then dump you as a friend as well and then you will be te ex friend as well as the ex boyfriend. That is what girls are like when they get a new guy your history...

So don't call don't contact and wait it out... good idea not to send the flowers.

Skell doest like the games but theseare not games just some real life tactics and when you think about it yourve been dumped so why are you doingthe chasing??

She told you your out so let her chase you if she missesyou. As hard it may be you must except that she is no longer wanting you I her life and until she does well you must move on no waiting!! She may call and if she does you must have a game plan in place!!

Games are the best way that's what wins a girls love and they don't even no it! That's why one minute they are in love and the next they are confused...

I don't think it's a good idea if you want her back because I've learned when you want someone and you keep running to them it makes it worse. You have to get them to come to you.

Actually skell I habent red any tactic guides just some thought which I have learnt and also the only reason my last relationship failed is because I was not implementng enough tactics I let her become comfortable . At first I had many in place always busy not always available make her ait but as 3 years went bye I let her further into my life and wated her to feel comfortable and in theend she said she loved me but didn't no if it was enough forever. She pretty much didt feel the same a sshe used to hen I was less aailable provingmy poin of making the girls miss you and believe they need you in there life, a common mistake men make is making them feel like you would not leave them, something I probably ended up falling into she thiuought I loved her so much, I think this is what happened to you as well she thought you would not be going anywhere and you probably always complimented her like myself and then they grow and leave and we get kicked to the curb. Where as implementing a few strategies and keeping them guessing would haveprobly kept them insteaad of having our stories on here...

Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.

I don't play them, I never tolerated them.

Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.

Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.

Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.

I don't play them, I never tolerated them.

Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.

Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.

Agree, game sucks! Some flowers will change one's love and heart ? I doubt it. It's too much mind game, I can never understand people who concertrate it more than anything else in a relationship. It's a learning process, not a game!

Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.

I don't play them, I never tolerated them.

Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.

Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.

That's just it. I do love her, and yet I obviously managed to have the attraction she felt for me dissipate and or disappear.

I don't want to play any games, but I understand how people tend to work in general--want what they can't have/is scarce, sometimes question decisions they made, etc.

It seems like no flowers and NC might be my only chance of raising some doubt in her mind, and maybe sparking some attraction again if I can look pulled together if/when I see her again.

Is it worth the likely pain that I'll have to endure? I have no idea.

It's been almost five weeks now, though, and I feel as if my feelings for her have not changed in the least. I've never been hung up on someone like this before, and am starting to get concerned.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.

Flowers are a good thing but won't make her miss you.

2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on

NO...You can't get closure with flowers, that is just hiding the fact that you are running after her but denying to yourself that you really are and at the same time viewing it as a potential pro. Not good.

3. The flowers make you look needy, or something else unattractive.

YES IT WILL

4. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

:confused: Not sure how flowers can do that.

Here we go again. Whether she come back or not, makes no difference what so ever to what you must do after a break up. Getting healthy, and realistically dealing with your emotions and attitude is essential, and what is obvious with all these stories is the fact that you think you can carry a relationship on your back with will power and talk and Flowers and that is the BS our minds tells us fueled by hurt feelings. It has to be TWO people who are HONESTLY willing to work together. A break up occurs when there is NOT TWO PEOPLE willing to work together. Break ups hurt like hell, but the difference is loving yourself and accepting the change, and getting healthy enough to REGROUP, so you can think clearly and make good decisions.
Forget the ex for the sake of your own health, and start to rebuild your life, and self esteem to where your HAPPY with what life is about.
In the two years, and more than 7000 posts I've seen, not one ex ever came back because of no contact and the relationship lasted any longer than a phone call or dinner.
You can analyze all you want, but if the result is not about you, and the way you deal with yourself and life, (GROWTH/MATURITY)... you lose. Get busy and work on yourself, and be ready for what life WILL throw at you, anything else is a waste.

Here we go again. Whether she come back or not, makes no difference what so ever to what you must do after a break up. Getting healthy, and realistically dealing with your emotions and attitude is essential, and what is obvious with all these stories is the fact that you think you can carry a relationship on your back with will power and talk and Flowers and that is the BS our minds tells us fueled by hurt feelings. It has to be TWO people who are HONESTLY willing to work together. A break up occurs when there is NOT TWO PEOPLE willing to work together. Break ups hurt like hell, but the difference is loving yourself and accepting the change, and getting healthy enough to REGROUP, so you can think clearly and make good decisions.
Forget the ex for the sake of your own health, and start to rebuild your life, and self esteem to where your HAPPY with what life is about.
In the two years, and more than 7000 posts I've seen, not one ex ever came back because of no contact and the relationship lasted any longer than a phone call or dinner.
You can analyze all you want, but if the end result is not about you, and the way you deal with your self and life, (GROWTH/MATURITY)................you lose. Get busy and work on yourself, and be ready for what life WILL throw at you, anything else is a waste.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

As I have ruled out flowers, should I phone my ex to welcome her back home--or should I just let her be altogether?

or should I just let her be altogether?
Sounds good to me. That you even ask the question, shows your focus is on her, and not where it should be. ON YOU

Games are the best way thats what wins a girls love and they don't even no it!! That's why one minute they are in love and the next they are confused...

And that is exactly why games don't work. They don't foster real feelings and real love. They create a false sense of feelings and blind love. People who need to play games don't know what love is. Sure they may be smitten on each other, but love, no way! Confusion, yes way!!

You proved my point perfectly with this comment mac.

Although I don't want to step into the middle of your discussion with Mac, I just wanted to point out that you are essentially answering my original question the same way--i.e., that I should not send my ex flowers.

Where you seem to differ is in how I should carry on with my life in the meantime, and how I should handle any future communication from her.

I have decided that I will not be sending the flowers--so thank you for that.

In terms of your subsequent advice, I am not sure what to say. I have never played games with anyone before, let alone someone that I care deeply about. And, I feel that ignoring someone on purpose, or things like that, ultimately is just playing games.

That said, I know my ex must have lost her attraction for me at some point, especially given that she more or less said "it's not that I don't like him (me), it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."

I don't know how, or if I even can, rekindle the attraction that she felt for me in the past. It seems like my best bet is to just try to be the best person that I can be. Maybe being more scarce in her life would be useful, too.

Like I said, I am really not sure what my best course of action is; but, I will not send the flowers based upon the advice given in this thread.

I had a really rough day today, for no particular reason, and am starting to feel anxious about still being so hung up on her some ~five weeks later.

Thanks for taking the time to offer some advice, whatever that may be.

Hi Tiodaat.

I can genuinely see that you are trying to understand just as I can genuinely see your love and subsequent pain for this girl. I and many others here know it only too well.

Which is why I'm trying very hard to make you realise that no tactics, games, flowers, no contact rule etc is going to bring her back. Sadly all that crap is just that, CRAP!!

I never accused you of playing games with her. I can see you aren't that kind of guy. I was merely having a disagreement with mac about the manner in which his advice took. He is right in what he is saying about not sending flowers etc. However in my opinion his motives are wrong.

Your actions should not be designed at getting a reaction out of her now. The relationship is over and there is nothing more that you should be worrying about now other than your healing process. After all the only person she is worrying about right now is her.

Sorry for your tough day. You will have many of them. It is a roller coaster. But in time you will be fine. How long is up to you really. Speaking from experience I can assure you that staying hung up on her and devising tactics to win her back will only cause you more pain. As is said that is what I did. I was a fool and was silly enough to be convinced that playing games and tactics would bring my ex back. It didn't and in the end it only aided in it taking longer than it should have to get over her.

Focus on yourself and what you can do to make you feel better. Perhaps you should some flowers to yourself. Hahaha:D

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

As I have ruled out flowers, should I phone my ex to welcome her back home--or should I just let her be altogether?

Why? Do you hope it will make her realise how much she has missed you and want you back? The same way you thought flowers would do that?

It won't. So you will only be disappointed.

Why?? Do you hope it will make her realise how much she has missed you and want you back?? The same way you thought flowers would do that??

It wont. So you will only be disappointed.

Thanks, Skell.

I guess I am not sure what my motive was behind considering calling her to welcome her back.

She's been the only one to initiate contact since we've been broken up, and she kind of went out of her way to mention the fact that we are still friends the last time that I talked to her.

In all honesty, I am not sure if I can juggle the roll of friendship with her, given my strong feelings for her. That said, if we are going to be friends, or at least friendly with each other, it seems like a polite thing to do (i.e. call her to welcome her back).

In either event, it seems likely that she will contact me again in the relatively near future. Am I simply suppose to be polite when she does? I guess I don't know how I should handle our conversations, given how I feel about her, and her apparent desire to remain on good, or even friendly, terms with me.

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?
I think that if u love her the you should send her the flowers with a card. Good luck!

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?
You shouldn't - there should be a reason why you broke up and if you think from there you might be able to think of a better idea to get her back.

You got that right skell games will not work and trying tactics to win back your right won't work. But this bloke wants advice. YOU SHOULD DO NOTHING AND HEAL YOURSELF and while you are doing this she ma MISS YOU and then when she calls she may want you back.

This is a game though if she calls Don't ANSWER why are you talking to her if she dumped you. Dumping you means she no longer gets you in her life...

If you were a part of her life she wants she will let you know. If she does call just don't answer she will get vthe message. Adventually she may text and say she misses you or ask why just send back you broke up with me. If she asks about friends just say I wanted a relationship and you didn't That's IT!!

NO games here buit I know you want the best way to win her back and you can win her back, well not exactly win her back but maybe she will realise she still wants to be part of your life...

And then she will come back...

Do nothing and hope for the best... At least thois way you won't be confused...

She doesn't love you. If she did she would have been overjoyed to hear you tell her how much you love her. She said something like she wanted to make sure it meant something when she said it. THAT'S a RED FLAG. When will she know? The flower thing is just a waste of your time. She either really doesn't love you or is playing games with you and wants to see you beg, because you already told her how you felt. Either way it is not good. Do you think you may be more attracted to her because she is unattainable? I really think though that you need to forget her and move on. I am a female and when I was young and dating there were many guys that liked me. I was proposed to several times by men I didn't love. If they would have sent me flowers it wouldn't have helped at all. It would have just made me feel really bad for them. There were a few occasions where guys got in touch with me after we broke up, it wasn't good. I went out with one of them because it made me feel bad for them. I really shouldn't have because it just made it worse. Once it's over it's over. If I were you I would move on with my life. At some point she may contact you. I would be very cautious. She may contact you when she is feeling lonely... when there is no significant other in her life and you are all she has. Still won't make her love you.

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."


Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?
Sent of cource. Why let her go. Are you insane?

Sent of cource. Why let her go. Are you insane?

So what are you telling him?? If he doesn't send them he is letting her go??

She already let him go, so why doesn't she send him some flowers??

and then she will come back...

No she won't, not the way you want her to. You can believe those other forums if you like, and spin your wheels until the rubber comes off. You will never be happy until you do what she has done. MOVE ON. Now one thing that no contact will do is let you heal, without the chaos and mixed signals from the ex, and after a while you will feel better about yourself and your life, and can pursue a healthy relationship with a healthy female and will wonder what was the hold your ex had on you. She dumped you and it hurts, continued contact as a friend, has you confused, so love yourself, and stop being polite at the expense of your peace of mind. Give up that false hope of her being yours, which is the only reason you haven't moved on yet, as your stuck waiting on her. Your move, its always been your move, you just have to make it.

Yes, when you wait on false hope of ex coming back or not letting go, you will never get healty. I have done this on most break ups she did with me. It does you no good. So make your move

Do not send flowers, don't respond to her at all. She broke up with you, so let her seek you out. If it is meant to be, she will come around. You don't want to look so desperate and needy. Let her think you are doing fine without her, even if you aren't.

Youth should be light hearted about love. The older you become, the more you have learned in life, the more you will appreicate love. She is not ready yet, so are you. Stay busy with what is more important for you, let it go.

Youth should be light hearted about love. The older you become, the more you have learned in life, the more you will appreicate love. She is not ready yet, so are you. Stay busy with what is more important for you, let it go.

This is very important to realise that real love is something we become more appreciative of as we grow and mature and with each life experience we have, good or bad, we become to understand the value of it.

This also works on other levels, as well as love between human beings, love of nature, love of god, love of yourself.

This also works on other levels, as well as love between human beings, love of nature, love of god, love of yourself.

However, the problem with this is that we live in a world where not everyone feels the same way and this is where our destructive side comes in. In a way, we are our own worst enemy, do you think?

However, the problem with this is that we live in a world where not everyone feels the same way and this is where our destructive side comes in. In a way, we are our own worst enemy, do you think?
Exactly, many of us are slaves to our minds. Like you said, our own mid is our worst enemy. We try to focus, and out mind wanders off. We try to keep stress at bay, but anxiety keeps us awake at night. We try to be good to the people we love, but then we forgot and put ourselves first... So the most important task for us is to work with our mind and emotional states that can help us in any activity in which we engage, whether it's sports or business or study-or a religion path.:)

P.S. I assume you had a large amount of coffee today by looking at your pic. How about the simley face tiger?:p

P.S. I assume you had a large amount of coffee today by looking at your pic. How about the simley face tiger?:p

I liked the Smiley face tiger, the coffee woke me up, can I show the smiling tiger to everyone else to cheer them up?

Okay I will.

http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/52/65/22836552.jpg

I am petting the smiley face tiger,;) do u think it's okay with him:rolleyes: , or he will jump up and bite me:confused:

I am petting the smiley face tiger,;) do u think it's okay with him:rolleyes: , or he will jump up and bite me:confused:

Not sure, I think you should ask him. :p

Not sure, I think you should ask him. :p

But, I don't know his number or any contact info... :confused:

Do you think you can ask him for me?:rolleyes: I know you guys are bros:D

But, I don't know his number or any contact info....:confused:

Do you think you can ask him for me?:rolleyes: I know you guys are bros:D

He just told me he can't, he's too shy and besides, he said he is married and his wife will get Jealous.

He just sent me a picture of his angry wife.

This is when she saw a text message from another tiger and suspected he may be cheating.

http://fugato.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/angry_tiger.jpg

Personally I think he's winding me up, I've never seen him with anyone that gorgeous.

Nice tiger, Nice... Ok I will blow him a kiss, so darn cute!! SWAK!!

LOL, I thought that's a female tiger... :D
May I pet his wife-the female tiger;)

He just sent me a picture of his angry wife.

This is when she saw a text message from another tiger and suspected he may be cheating.

http://fugato.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/angry_tiger.jpg

Personally I think he's winding me up, I've never seen him with anyone that gorgeous.

I can't see the pic of his wife... :p

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :)

I'm off for some tea (as in food) and a nice cup of coffee.

U thought you decide NC.;)
...

P.S. NC=NO COFFEE :D

That tiger is a female, she nust have been on about the other one. Its hard to tell Gender with tigers.

Does the tiger eat sushi? Or she only drinks coffee;)

Male Tiger:

http://www.perlgurl.org/archives/images/IMG_3542_TceE.JPG


Female Tiger:

http://laelaps.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/rawr.jpg

I think the female must be angry at her ex or something.

:D
U too funny!
Muahahahaha, love the pics:D

So rude

My two closest friends have given me conflicting advice on this subject, so I turn to the board here to resolve the issue.

My ex has been out of town for about two weeks (traveling), and we will have been broken about 1.5 months when she returns. And yes, I am still interested in her.

Of these two options, which is the best option?

1. Wait until she's been home for 4-5 days, call her, ask about her trip, keep the conversation short and light.

2. Do not call her.

The reasoning of my friends differs in that one of them thinks the only way I will ever have a chance of getting back together with her is if I do something (e.g. call her), while the other think that the only way I will ever have a chance of getting back together with her is if I do nothing.

I have maintained NC to this point, save when she initiated contact with me a few times.

I am also willing to risk extending any process of healing that I am going through to maximize whatever chance that I may have of getting back together with her.

I thought we went over this in the thread about you sending her flowers?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-send-flowers-ex-111261.html

You won't get many people here change their opinion / advice in a matter of a week or so.

Don't call her. Work on yourself. Continue healing. Your chances are slim to none of getting her back successfully and I can assure you that calling her now will make them even slimmer.

I thought we went over this in the thread about you sending her flowers?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-send-flowers-ex-111261.html

You wont get many people here change their opinion / advice in a matter of a week or so.

Don't call her. Work on yourself. Continue healing. Your chances are slim to none of getting her back successfully and i can assure you that calling her now will make them even slimmer.

Thanks, Skell.

Although I admit I would often bring up my ex with my friends, the past few weeks it has been them bringing her up with me--and offering conflicting advice on what, if anything, I should do. It has had me questioning my course of action, especially since she will actually be back home in a few days, as opposed to thousands of miles away for the past couple weeks.

That's fair enough. And friends can sometimes throw a spanner in the works. Mine did too.

And I'm not saying to discount what your friends say. You need them now more than ever. But perhaps you could ask them to focus on talking to and helping you. Tell them that you don't really want to focus on her right now.

Sometimes friends can be misguided. It depends on whether they have been through it themselves.

Incidentally, today was easily one of my worst days in the past five plus weeks in terms of dealing with missing my ex, etc.

I am not sure if it's because I know she will be back in town tomorrow, or what, but I really feel like I have gone back to square one.

Any suggestions on how I can feel better at this point?

Thank again.

DO NOT CALL!!

Your friends will try and help but what you must do is also think have they been in my position check and see if a friend has been there. Probably not so therefore they are talking with what they believe will work not with what they have experienced.

Problem is if you do not call and it does not work out, you will no doubt kick yourself and say GEZ I new I should have called what was I thinking! WRONG!!

Because if you call and it doesn't work you will then say HELL why didn't I listen I shouldn't have called. So be prepared if you don't get her back it was not for doing the wrong thing!!

Well if you call it could be...

Believe people here when they say if you call you will not getthe result you believe you would want the simple reason is if she wants to be with you it will not take you calling her to know this it will take gher feeling that she wants to be with you... When you call I promise one thing you won't have herrunning back you will only have her saying "Itsbest we try and be friends for now!!

Its hard to understand but by not calling you arenot showuing you don't care assome say you are just simply showing that you are a better person than the way she is treating you and you know you can and will get treated better and you don't put up with that. At the same time she may miss you from her life.

Think about it like this why do you want her in your life, cause you are missing her and feel there is a whole in your life and want to fill it with her.

Well if she has no whole to fill then she is not going to want you back is she. But when you are not around and she returns she will start to feel a bit lonely and then this equals her starting o feel that she has a void in her life and when she does not here from you at first she might just test the waters and try and give herself a quick fix by calling you. This is why you don't answer let her wonder what you are doing answer on the second call, your busy now moving on with life no timefor someone who doesn't know what they want.

You should be in no rush to get back with her she wanted a break which you should realise like most here that means break up in a soft way TRUST ME~!!

It means I don't want you at the moment but might want you if I miss youand at the moment I don't have the guts to hurt your feelings cause I feel so guilty!!

Hen after you chase her for a bit she willsay I'm sorry I just dobt feel it and even more when she finds someone else she will say just move on you're a great guy but not right for me!!

SO PLEASE MATE give yourself everypossible chance and even if you think you have something to tell her Don't tell her say nothing and her void will grow and her love will grow and she will want you in her life. But that's up to you now make the wrong choice now and talk to her and you may as well be saying goodbye!!

Now if you want to feel better tellyourself she is missing you and will call, because idont want to get you down BUT pretty sure she will call she will be thinking your gioing to call and when you don't she will have to call and you know what's best if she doesn't call then you have no problems she never really wanted you at all. So youcan move on aftera month and say well she didn't call so it wasn't for me bugging her and pushing her away she just wasn't the one for me.

Don't cloud your chances and ruin this through bad judgement, the idea of working on yourself is great this means you do youtr own thing and do nothing to contact her cause your to busy with yourself and if she does contact you well you can take it from there. But why would you run back to someone who kicked you to the curb... Sure you love her but don't take her straight back let her worry about it caus if she resally wants you she will wait and come on even stronger!!

DO NOT CALL!! DO NOT CALL

What are we going to do with you eh mate? OK here goes if it was be I would probably be very weak willed and call to be honest but the thing is the trip would just be an excuse wouldn't it? And I know because I have done it you know using silly excuse to call my ex.Now he has someone else and I limit call to emergancies like he needs to take my dogs my dads sick and I need to visit, however my point is he is noew like mmmmmmmm she never calls me and just today I made a comment about his brother also enjoying his new found freedom and he was all like why who else is enjoying there's then was ll right I have to go. Now I am not being big headed enough to thinkh e is thinking great she's out there living her life without me as he has someone else but he also thinks I am not bothered when actually it was a slip of the tongue. Try calling if you want either way you will spend yout ime thinking what if I had or hadn't so what do you have to lose. It may well be she has missed you and doesn't want to rock the boat like yourself I would be willing to suffer a little longer if there was any hope at all hell I am willing to suffer and I know there's no hope lol. You see the week he met his new girl I hadn't contyacted him and he thought I wasn't talking to him now I am like bloody hell should I have called / text him so go with your gut mate and again hpe it works out better for you than me take care and as always keeps us posted

I did not read your previous post about the flowers.

But your ex's feelings have clearly changed towards you. If you actively pursue her (with a view to changing her feelings) you will increase her negative feelings towards you. If she is going to miss you and being with you, how can she if your always there?

She has stepped back from an unhappy situation and you need to do the same. No contact will let you do this.

The relationship you had is gone ! That relationship is dead, history. She is a single girl, you are now a single guy. If you had just met her and liked her, how would you treat her ! That is where you are now, uncertanty and no guarantee of connecting with her.

If you cannot view this girl as a single girl who you would like to be with then your still carring baggage that will destroy the relationship before it begins. You need space to heal your emotional wound, like she has done. Then and only then can two single people look at each other and see if there is any attraction.

9 times out of 10 there is no attraction from this point, but sometimes couples do get back together, but only after a long time apart... Because the hurt and pain is gone. Give yourself the time my friend, either way you have to. Whether it be by choice to heal or forced by her avioding you..

You see the week he met his new girl I hadn't contyacted him and he thought I wasn't talking to him now I am like bloody hell should I have called / text him so go with your gut mate and again hpe it works out better for you than me take care and as always keeps us posted[/QUOTE]



Tge week he met his new girlfriend if you had of contacted him he still wouldn't have wanted you. He chose her because he wanted her not because you didn't contact him. Imagine you liked a gut and was with him and you new he still wanted you and then you met another guy that you didn't like as much would yougo with him because the ex wasn't calling no you would still want the ex. Not calling had nothing to do with it. But by not calling it can make the person muiss you that's why this isdefinately the best optiomn

You guys broke up for a reason. Do yourself a favor and don't call, it will probably just make it harder for you.

DON'T CALL, you may get hurt by what she says to you. She may say she has a new boyfriend or tell you to get lost. Why give up all that healing time you had. I bet if you call you'll be on here the next telling everyone how hurt and wishing you never called. Trust me what you don't know won't hurt you. I have done this and it did bring me back to square one.

Well, my ex is officially back home from her trip.

I feel like I had been doing great the past week or two, but the last couple of days (realizing she would be home soon) have really set me back. In fact, I feel down right miserable again, and I haven't even talked to her.

To make matters worse, I thought I had deleted all reminders of her from my computer, but I found a message she sent me a few months ago.

Ironically, I guess, I was thinking about breaking up with her at the time due to some trust issues she had with me for no good reason (she had been cheated on by another guy in the past, but I gave her no reason not to trust me).

The message reads:

"Hey baby! I appreciate how understanding you've been with me, most people wouldn't even bother. They would probably just be frustrated and shut down. So thank you for being you! Thins will get better!"

It makes me both angry and sad that I was willing to work on things with us--and as it turned out, I was really glad I did as I later decided that I loved her--and that she didn't provide me with the same courtesy. Instead, I was left with her "confusion," not "knowing what, if anything she wants," and other wishy-washy statements.

Today is the SIX WEEK mark, and I feel awful.

No contactstay strong she is probably missingyou and you don't even np it

By her contacting you or visa versa you will just think of her. I was 4 months in my break up and was just miserable without her. Now 6 months in I feel as though I am over her but that because I let go and did NC for long period of times. I found out last night it is true she is seeing someone new and it didn't bother me like I thaught it would. But I guess seeing them together is a different story.

I'll go along with option #2 and agree with the friend who's giving you that advice.

Well, I lapsed.

I did not call, but I sent her a couple sentence email saying welcome home, and asking how her trip was.

This breaks my NC of 6 weeks--not really sure how I feel about it.

I do, however, feel like it has taken my mind off her, but maybe it's only a temporary fix.

This breakup thing is much harder than I remember it being, and I am still crazy about this girl.

With that said, I am marking this day on the calendar and going a MINIMUM of two months of NC on my end from this point on.

Thanks for all of the responses in this thread.

Did she respond? Yeah, it's probably just a temporary fix. I did the same after 2 months. Felt good for about a day or two, than the hurt came back with a vengeance. Minimum of 2 Months? You should make it 3. In my experience, 2 is too short... for you it may be long, but for her it's probably to short. Either way, good luck!

Did she respond? yeah, it's probably just a temporary fix. i did the same after 2 months. Felt good for about a day or two, than the hurt came back with avengence. Minimum of 2 Months? You should make it 3. In my experience, 2 is too short....for you it may be long, but for her it's probably to short. Either way, good luck!

I sent it just about 15 minutes ago, so I doubt she has even seen it.

I probably should bump my count up to three months. School starts up for both of us (different schools, though), this coming month. Hopefully that will help the time go by a bit more quick for me, and maybe (although I am not holding out any hope for it) remind her of things between us and give her some time to miss me when she is in the back in the grind of things.

If she doesn't respond, don't panic and call her and ask her if she got it. If she does respond, don't think it's because she wants you back, she's just answering your questions. It sucks but it's the truth. I hope she comes running back to you, I'm just saying in reality it's probably not going to happen like that. Anyway, hang in there and wait it out at least 3 months. Schools a good distraction, and should work in your favor. If you get the urge to make contact, come back on this site and vent or read other peoples stories who made those mistakes only to get heartbroken once again. Right now, time is your friend, and 3 months is nothing, because she don't want you now anyway. I'm 3-1/2 weeks now of NC, because I made the mistake of sending an email, only to be send one back in dissapointment and then now she sends me no responses at all. That's what happens when you push too much. Keep control... 3 months is not a long time. See how you feel when the 3 months comes along. In the meantime go out and have fun. Hopefully by then she'll have contacted you. All the best!

If she doesn't respond, don;t panic and call her and ask her if she got it. If she does respond, don't think it's because she wants you back, she's just answering your questions. It sucks but it's the truth. i hope she comes running back to you, I'm just saying in reality it's probably not going to happen like that. Anyway, hang in there and wait it out at least 3 months. Schools a good distraction, and should work in your favor. If you get the urge to make contact, come back on this site and vent or read other peoples stories who made those mistakes only to get heartbroken once again. Right now, time is your friend, and 3 months is nothing, because she don;t want you now anyway. I'm 3-1/2 weeks now of NC, because I made the mistake of sending an email, only to be send one back in dissapointment and then now she sends me no responses at all. Thats what happens when you push too much. Keep control....3 months is not a long time. See how you feel when the 3 months comes along. In the meantime go out and have fun. Hopefully by then she'll have contacted you. All the best!

Thanks again for your thoughtful responses.

I will take all of your advice to hear. Best of luck with your NC, your ex, and life.

Do not contact her again. If you want any chance with this girl she must contact you. She doesn't want to be with you at the moment so why are you trying tyo talk to her. She obvoiously is confused so do not put any pressure. Any email text call anything is pressuring her. Do nothing let her go and watch her come back. It's that easy. If she doesn't come back she never was coming back not even talking would have bought her back, but bu not contacting her iif she wants you she knows how to get you. Let the tension grow...

Your not listening or thinking straight I'm sure you feel better sending those emails cause now for a bity your waiting for a response and you feel a bit of weight has come off your chest.

Problem is she may have been sitting there thinking I really miss him and should I contact him I'm not sure and then when she receives your email they tension from her is released she has heard from you and will say to her self his such a great guy but I'm just not sure.

Yet if you go sillent then she calls and your busy. She may then tell herself I do miss him I enjoy being with him I wonder what his doing I want to be with hiom...

Stop the contact and wait it out!!

Do not contact her again. If you want any chance with this girl she must contact you. She doesnt want to be with you at the moment so why are you trying tyo talk to her. She obvoiously is confused so do not put any pressure. Any email text call anything is pressuring her. Do nothing let her go and watch her come back. Its that easy. If she doesnt come back she never was coming back not even talking would have bought her back, but bu not contacting her iif she wants you she knows how to get you. Let the tension grow ...

Your not listening or thinking straight im sure you feel better sending those emails cause now for a bity your waiting for a response and you feel a bit of weight has come off your chest.

Problem is she may have been sitting there thinking i really miss him and should i contact him im not sure and then when she receives your email tyhe tension from her is released she has heard from you and will say to her self his such a great guy but im just not sure.

Yet if you go sillent then she calls and your busy. She may then tell herself I do miss him i enjoy being with him i wonder what his doing i want to be with hiom...

Stop the contact and wait it out!!!

Thanks, Mac.

As same and I were discussing, I am going into NC mode for the next three months. I hope she gets back to me on the email, so I can delay my response, if applicable, a bit.

Update of sorts:

I live in Minnesota, and as some of you may know, there was a tragic incident involving a major bridge collapsing.

I live very close to the bridge, and my ex text me to make sure that I was all right.

The bridge collapsed about 30 minutes after I emailed my ex. As it were, looks like if I had been a little more patient, I would have gotten contact from her without sending the email.

Exactly. Patience is the name of the game!!

He who has patience will normally win...

You must wait it out..

If she wnts you she will let you know never do ANYTHING again!!

Honestly you need to choose on your own. It's nice that two of your friends want to help, but this is your life so you need to make your own decisions. Listen to your heart.

Hard to heal from the past when your still dwelling on the past. Its hard for sure but its worth it.

Update of sorts:

My ex IMed me the other night, and we talked for a little more than a half an hour. This is by far the longest we've chatted in a while, and I was incredibly happy.

She also IMed me earlier this afternoon for a few minutes.

I have two concerns:

1. I am so happy to be talking with her, but I know I am getting my hopes up and I feel deflated when I am not talking to her.

2. That I might be too "available." I don't want to play games with her or ignore her, but I don't think it's fair to me that I, in a sense, answer her every beckon call. That said, I don't think she is using me for anything at the moment, and I just answered her IMs.

Anyone have any thoughts/advice for me?

Reread my post and think on it. Let us know where youhonestly think this will lead.

Be careful, don't get your hopes up, take it slow and don't make yourself too available. The same thing happened to me. My ex IM'd me a few times and we talked all day from work a few times, I felt great and had hope but it really didn't make any good difference at all in the long run, because she's still my ex. You need her to miss you. She is confused right now, and probably in a way that is not good for you in the long run (in other words she's leaning more to leaving you than staying with you). If she's nice to you and gives you the time of day all it could mean is that she cares about you and wants to be your friend or wants to let you down easy, but none of that makes any difference in the long run. The only thing that does is if she comes back and tells you she wants to try again and loves you. Until that day comes, don't be fooled by any illusions... false hope is a real killer. Don't ignore her, but don't always make yourself always available either. And don't make any more effort than she does. It's a two way effort. I hope this helps. Take care, best of luck, and have a good weekend.

Reread my post and think on it. Let us know where youhonestly think this will lead.

Tal,

I've read your post several times--and I know it is wonderful advice.

I honestly have no idea where any my conversations with my ex are leading. After I sent her the email the other day, I really wasn't sure how she would respond.

As I said, our conversation yesterday was the longest we've had since the breakup, and I really don't know what, if anything, she is thinking about us.

School starts in the coming weeks for the both of us, and things will be much more routine and "normal," so to speak, then.

I've been taking better care of myself--going out with friends, working out, reading, not bringing my ex up with my friends all the time, etc. That said, I still care about my ex very much.

I intend to stick with the NC on my end, but when she initiates contact with me, I honestly don't know if I could somehow ignore it.

I've never been hung up, so to speak, on someone this long. I guess part of that likely has to do with the fact that I hadn't dated any seriously for a while, as I tend to live the single life. That, and this is the first time I my life I actually felt confident that I loved someone (although I am only 24).

I know I can't dwell on the past, or what may have been, but if she can be a part of my future, I would be immensely happy.

Thank you again for your kind and consistent advice to me.

Be careful, don't get your hopes up, take it slow and don't make yourself too available. The exact same thing happened to me. My ex IM'd me a few times and and we talked all day from work a few times, I felt great and had hope but it really didn't make any good difference at all in the long run, because she's still my ex. You need her to miss you. She is confused right now, and probably in a way that is not good for you in the long run (in other words she's leaning more to leaving you than staying with you). if she's nice to you and gives you the time of day all it could mean is that she cares about you and wants to be your friend or wants to let you down easy, but none of that makes any difference in the long run. The only thing that does is if she comes back and tells you she wants to try again and loves you. until that day comes, don't be fooled by any illusions...false hope is a real killer. Don't ignore her, but don't always make yourself always available either. And don't make any more effort than she does. It's a two way effort. I hope this helps. Take care, best of luck, and have a good weekend.

Thanks, same.

I appreciate your advice, and it resonates with what one of my close friends said--if I am legitimately busy, then don't go out of my way to talk with her, etc. but if I am free, then treat her with the same respect I would as anyone else that I care about.


As I said above, life will be much more routine for the both of us in the coming weeks, and I don't know what, if any, effect that will have on her thoughts about me. I guess only time will tell.

Thanks again for your response.

Update of sorts:

Well, after sending me instant messages the past three days, she asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink or something in the near future.

I am still in shock somewhat, as this was about the last thing I was expecting her to say.

We don't have any definite plans yet--and I am trying hard not to be too hopeful about meeting up with her.

I really have no idea what, if anything, she is thinking.

Just call her, or better yet, if you can, myspace or text her, that way you dont have to deal with as much aquwardness, and there is less chance of aquward silence, plus then it will show that you are still kinda interested, yet at the same time that you want to know how she feels, and dont want to rush anything. if you wait, you could lose all oppourtunities, and further contact might be seen as wierd, but now seems like the prefect time to jump in and call.

You need to read the whole thread. Not just the first post. This thread has evolved a lot from the first question.

Update of sorts:

As far as I know, my ex should know that I still care about her.

That said, I am worried I am setting myself up for heartache again if I meet up with her for drinks, as I really have no idea what she is thinking about us right now.

Is there anything I can do to feel things out more, or do I pretty much just have to take the risk of feeling more pain if I go and she was thinking in terms of friendship, and nothing else?

1.

You go and you have a drink, you have a chat that is all don't bring up the relationship, she knows what you want and if she doesn't she will ask if she wants you back she will let you know. She wanted to have a break so she knows its up to her if she wants to return. She was OK coming to you about the break so she should be OK coming toi you to reconcile.

Just go have a quick drink tell her it was great to see you and go. That's how simple it is have a good time think of a few things to say before you go. Don't talk crap and whatever you do don't stay long...

Some background is found in the later parts of this thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-call-her-114955.html

It has been close to seven weeks since we broke up, and we have talked on instant messenger the past four days. On Saturday, she asked me if I wanted to get together for a drink or something in the near future.

I am still in love with her, and as far as I know, she should know that I still have feelings for her.

That said, I really have no idea what she is thinking, what spurred the recent communication, and why she wants to get together with me.

I am not sure if I can handle a strictly "friendly" get together with her, but I am also not sure how I can fish out her intentions before I meet with her.

Does anyone have any advice on how to best approach this situation, on whether I should ask her to clarify why she wants to get together, and/or how I should act if I do meet with her?

Thanks everyone.

Hey there, after about the same amount of time into my breakup my ex did the same thing over MSN. Nothing came about of it. However we did go out clubbing a few times and on her birthday. She kissed another guy in front of me on one of the nites. In fact maybe it was an ego thing, see if she had control of me still or just wanted to have a friendship with me, which is very emotionally unhealthy if your still invested in your ex partner.

Seven weeks is a short time, probably not enough time to let the emotional dust settle. Make your choice. No contact is often the best choice. It will allow you both to get your own lives back and let time kill the wounds and realise what went wrong.

If you continue to have contact it may hurt you and ruin your chances of getting healthy! - bare that in mind.

Don't play games however, ask yourself what you want from this girl. If you want her back go along with an open mind, keep it short and sweet. Maybe you both need to realise why you are wanting this meeting?

I would say do not do it. I really recommend to not see the ex until you feel over it. At 7 weeks that is just not enough time. I would stop talking to her over MSN, 4 days in a row is a little much at this point. I would just tell her you can't make it and leave it at that.

You have a responsibility to yourself to get healthy and feel good. I have a feeling that seeing her will send you into a bad downward spiral.

I was wondering that in that 7 weeks what's the longest that you both went with absolutely no contact if any?

What do you want to do?

What do you want to do?

I want us to get back together.

Whether meeting her for drinks is a part in that process, I am unsure.

I do not know if I can just go out for drinks as friends, and essentially be heartbroken again.

I made the mistake of keeping contact! Downward spiral. Its not worth it. Its up to you at the end of the day. You could have an honest conversation with her and ask why it is you want to get together for drinks? Or go along not expecting anything and just have a nice time.

Why did you break-up?
NC has worked thus far to make her contact you... But if you are doing this right you only return when there is a constructive dialogue. If you always had good communication - then find a place to resume... Or make her wait while you continue to process this (what was wrong before that can be fixed and how) and tell her your busy, but will talk when have time.

Why did you break-up?
NC has worked thus far to make her contact you...But if you are doing this right you only return when their is a constructive dialogue. If you always had good communication - then find a place to resume...Or make her wait while you continue to process this (what was wrong before that can be fixed and how) and tell her your busy, but will talk when have time.

I am not really sure why we broke up. She kept saying she was confused, and not sure what, if anything, she wanted right now.

There was no cheating, no major argument, etc.

Everyone has gone through this. Probably, no matter what any one says, you will just have to go through the experience yourself and then most likely end in an exhausted state of disappointment for sticking around and seeing what happens.

I think you should run for the hills and let her miss you. Trust me and trust everyone; you might be led on, but she is only missing you for the moment, and that's why she wants to see you. And once she sees "phewf, he is still there in case..." - she'll just go back to feeling secure and not missing you. You see, there's no point in missing you because you are always just going to be there! Like even if you don't say it to her, you ooze the vibe of "i'm gonna wait forever for you".

You have to "not" see her. I'm not telling you to blow her off. But go out somewhere else instead. Get so busy that you actually have excuses not to see her. This will also always make you feel "good" istead of "low" because you will never be the one contacting her or ever chasing her again.

You might, after all this, think "but what if she gets the impression that I dont like her? or that I don't love her anymore?". Get this stupid thought out of your head, because she knows that you are her dog, and why shouldn't she know? Every time she will call, you will eventually come running. Girls don't like dogs. She's going to go find someone who isn't a dog. Prove to her you have a life. In the process don't be mean to her, but don't be her biatch either.

Everyone has gone through this. Probably, no matter what any one says, you will just have to go through the experience yourself and then most likely end in an exhausted state of disappointment for sticking around and seeing what happens.

I think you should run for the hills and let her miss you. Trust me and trust everyone; you might be led on, but she is only missing you for the moment, and that's why she wants to see you. And once she sees "phewf, he is still there in case..." - she'll just go back to feeling secure and not missing you. You see, there's no point in missing you because you are always just gonna be there! Like even if you don't say it to her, you ooze the vibe of "i'm gonna wait forever for you".

You have to "not" see her. I'm not telling you to blow her off. But go out somewhere else instead. Get so busy that you actually have excuses not to see her. This will also always make you feel "good" istead of "low" because you will never be the one contacting her or ever chasing her again.

You might, after all this, think "but what if she gets the impression that I dont like her? or that I don't love her anymore?". Get this stupid thought out of your head, because she knows that you are her dog, and why shouldn't she know? Every time she will call, you will eventually come running. Girls don't like dogs. She's going to go find someone who isn't a dog. Prove to her you have a life. In the process don't be mean to her, but don't be her biatch either.

I hope she knows how much I care about her.

And, if she really only misses me in the sense that she wants to see that I am still available, then I clearly would rather not be with her.

I have (finally) been living it up again, but that said, I love her. Surely, there must be a chance that her reason for wanting to see me is NOT because she is "only missing me for the moment."

I was wondering that in that 7 weeks whats the longest that you both went with absolutly no contact if any?

The longest we went with absolutely no contact was two ~two-week stretches, give or take a few days.

I hope she knows how much I care about her.

And, if she really only misses me in the sense that she wants to see that I am still available, then I clearly would rather not be with her.

I have (finally) been living it up again, but that said, I love her. Surely, there must be a chance that her reason for wanting to see me is NOT because she is "only missing me for the moment."

Yeah I guess you're right,. but no... you're wrong.

Actually, it's not her only reason. You know why? Because she doesn't have this planned out reason, or she hasn't written down all her reasons or she hasn't sat there like you have and pondered and sulked. So she might be confused a little, that's all.

This is not some big conspiracy against you. She's not going to get together with you because she is thinking "well I am only going to check to see if he is still my dog". No, she's not actually thinking this, if that's what you want to hear. But I'm only telling you what she may not even know. I'm only telling you what almost every person who is posting about relationships has gone through and is trying to warn you against.

You have to live it up. In the process of you living it up, you're going to be set back many times by her because you'll get false hope. What you have to do is to make her feel hopeless; make her know that you are not someone who is "always" just sitting there no matter what. This is not the type of man that a lady will miss dearly and get scared of losing. This is the type that turns into her buddy as she goes and has sex with other guys.

You can get her back if that's what you want, but the only way is by making yourself be the best you can be. That means giving yourself the "best". So you have to get out, do something every day that can make you better and not be a waste of your time, and... you know the rest.

Remember, remember and remember: never be mean or rude to her, just don't give her what she wants. Don't contact her, and don't hang out with her. If she really wants you back, she will make it "clear". Missing someone just ain't enough.

Age generalization alert:

YOUNGER Break-ups
If she is under 25 consider this just a restless colt who you can put into NC and deal with later. She is likely running because she doesn't want to feel married... So, don't (unless you want tha) be a husband right now. She can circle back after she tires of another insecure guy and or fridays with friends...

Older Break-Ups
If she is over 25 she may be wondering if you two are really capable of being lifetime partners and wants to think about it... If that's the case, do you want to be a husband anyway (? ) She will circle back if she feels you cared for her, or she can do no better, and you had your own life and might be able to provide a base/foundation for her as well. Multiple girls nights out are especially grating to her...

These are BIG Generalizations and there will be a lot of exceptions but something to take into account as you find yourself confidence. And try to minimize thoughts of what she's thinking... BECAUSE SOMETIMES girls break up so they don't have to think...

Either way, you both have to LEARN from the break-up to advance when/if you reunite.

Meet her for the drink but do not bring up the topic of your relationship. In fact, no talk about anything serious at all. Keep in fun and light, just as though you're meeting her for the very first time. All the seriousness is probably what turned her off in the first place so you need to avoid all of that.

How old is she?

How old is she?

She is 24 years old.

Thanks for your general advice about girls 25+/-, as I think some of that certainly applies here.

I am not really sure why we broke up. She kept saying she was confused, and not sure what, if anything, she wanted right now.

There was no cheating, no major argument, etc.

If your not sure why you broke up then you should not be considering getting back together.

Unless you have learnt what and understand why thing went wrong and you broke up then there is no point even contemplating getting back together.

The same goes for her too.

Chris has given you some really good advice. It goes along with a lot of us have been saying. I think you should really pay attention to it.

She likes to know she still has you. Not necessarily consciously but more subconsciously. She misses you a little, gives you a call and you go running like a puppy dog. She gets sick of the puppy dog hanging around and lets it off its lead again until she is ready to play once more.

Vicious cycle that so many fall into.

It has been close to seven weeks since we broke up, and we have talked on instant messenger the past four days. On Saturday, she asked me if I wanted to get together for a drink or something in the near future.
You've never been out of touch so this emotional attachment is still strong, but we all know you wnt to return to the way you were, and so does she, but it ain't gonna happen.



I am still in love with her, and as far as I know, she should know that I still have feelings for her.

She already knows how you feel and what you want, how could she not???


That said, I really have no idea what she is thinking, what spurred the recent communication, and why she wants to get together with me.

Doesn't matter what her motives are what matters is what you do about it.
I
am not sure if I can handle a strictly "friendly" get together with her, but I am also not sure how I can fish out her intentions before I meet with her.
Then you should leave her alone. Instead of assuming what she is up to, ask directly, "why are you wanting to have a drink", and save yourself all the chaos, and head drama.


Does anyone have any advice on how to best approach this situation, on whether I should ask her to clarify why she wants to get together, and/or how I should act if I do meet with her?

Read above.

If your not sure why you broke up then you should not be considering getting back together.

Unless you have learnt what and understand why thing went wrong and you broke up then there is no point even contemplating getting back together.

The same goes for her too.

Well, I don't know if I can ever be sure why we broke up, since she broke up with me. I would guess it had to do with her general fear of commitment, and me coming on too strong for her.

While I suppose I could expect less from a relationship that I have with her, obviously if we are to stay together I would hope our level of commitment and feelings for each other would grow.

So, if I am at all right, I cannot change her fears, only she can.

Simple send her a message what do you want to meet up for??

You will have your answer on the spot and won't have to keep worrying and won't have to worry.

If you don't get the response you want don't meet up.. That's easy.

Don't be afraid of receiving the wrong answer or you will be back on the leash. Be strong and be prepared for an answer you don't want and then you won't be disapointed.

Chris has given you some really good advice. It goes along with a lot of us have been saying. I think you should really pay attention to it.

She likes to know she still has you. Not necesarily consciously but more subconsciously. She misses you a little, gives you a call and you go running like a puppy dog. She gets sick of the puppy dog hanging around and lets it off its lead again until she is ready to play once more.

Vicious cycle that so many fall into.

I don't see why her missing me has to go as deep as a subconscious attempt at seeing if she still "has me." Why can't she just genuinely miss me, or realize she liked things better with me?

How do people who have broken up ever get back together, if this couldn't be the case?

My parents, for instance, have been married for more than 28 years and broke up for nearly 2 months before getting back together while dating.

I obviously want nothing to do with the "vicious cycles," "subconscious decisions," and "puppy dog" interaction that everyone seems to think has to be going on.

Like I've said numerous times, I really have no idea what she is thinking--but why is it that everyone assumes she is on some uncontrollable path of action that involves stringing me along for no good reason?

I don't see why her missing me has to go as deep as a subconscious attempt at seeing if she still "has me." Why can't she just genuinely miss me, or realize she liked things better with me?

Because women like to know that you are still there in case they change their mind. The eager ex is an insurance policy


How do people who have broken up ever get back together, if this couldn't be the case?

My parents, for instance, have been married for more than 28 years and broke up for nearly 2 months before getting back together while dating.

Generally they don't UNLESS both people work on and resolve the problems that caused the relationship to break up in the first place


I obviously want nothing to do with the "vicious cycles," "subconscious decisions," and "puppy dog" interaction that everyone seems to think has to be going on.

Because that is what's going on. You are too close to see it, you have ZERO perspective on this situation right now you are too close too and too emotional involved. The rest of us are nonbiased third party who can see it for what it is



Like I've said numerous times, I really have no idea what she is thinking--but why is it that everyone assumes she is on some uncontrollable path of action that involves stringing me along for no good reason?

Again, because that is what a lot of women do after they break up with someone. What if the dating world is too scary then she can just go back to old reliable. Is that who you want to be? A doormat?

I don't see why her missing me has to go as deep as a subconscious attempt at seeing if she still "has me." Why can't she just genuinely miss me, or realize she liked things better with me?

How do people who have broken up ever get back together, if this couldn't be the case?

My parents, for instance, have been married for more than 28 years and broke up for nearly 2 months before getting back together while dating. ?

You know why you're bringing up the rare case of people getting back together? Because you're in a state where your mind wants to grab onto the slightest hope or romantic story and run with it. This is your mind trying to save itself in a very depressive and natural part of life.

Anyway, yes I could bring you the rare case too, but we are talking about the "majority" or the "general" when we give you advice. We're going to go with the "probable" when we give you advice. What is probable, according to, I bet, 99 out of 100 of the posts you read, is that you are going to go through horrible heartache in this game called love-and-break-up. What we're telling you can't harm you, but it can only make you stronger.
You shouldn't go to her when she is being the slight bit confusing (as you are very confused right now), and we are also telling you things that can only make you better (by telling you to get out, work on yourself, work-out, finish that etc). This can only add to your value as a man, making you even better than when she left you.


I obviously want nothing to do with the "vicious cycles," "subconscious decisions," and "puppy dog" interaction that everyone seems to think has to be going on.

Like I've said numerous times, I really have no idea what she is thinking--but why is it that everyone assumes she is on some uncontrollable path of action that involves stringing me along for no good reason?

Again, there is no conspiracy against you here. She is not planning anything against you, and no one on this website is either. In fact, I think people are all speaking (on this post) with your best interest in mind. And yeah, writing "vicious cycles" or "subconscious decisions" is going to make all this advice sound a bit crazy. I guess you are just going to have to go through this and see for yourself. I sounded like you when I went through a break-up. You sound familiar to many people that are posting advice for you.

I feel for you buddy. This sucks and it's going to be one hell of crappy ride. But it's a ride we all get off. You at least know, even though you are hurting and are confused, that you will get out of it. We're just trying to speed that process up rather than have you go through the long and dragged on "getting-over-my-ex" ordeal.

I've put her in my "block list" on instant messenger.

I am still having a hard time believing that, consciously or not, she would string me along for any purpose. She has been nothing short of honest with me the entire time that I have known her, and, if anything, she is not even interested in dating right now, let alone having an insurance policy in me.

I'll see if she makes any further attempts to contact me (off-line).

I've put her in my "block list" on instant messenger.

I am still having a hard time believing that, consciously or not, she would string me along for any purpose. She has been nothing short of honest with me the entire time that I have known her, and, if anything, she is not even interested in dating right now, let alone having an insurance policy in me.

I'll see if she makes any further attempts to contact me (off-line).

Remember this: There are TWO reasons to go no contact 1) so you get to heal/gain perspective 2) because if someone does not want all of you they get none of you

They broke up with you they don't get to pop in and out and take bits and pieces. Its either or the whole pie or nothing no one is giving away slices. Does that make more sense?

Funny thing id tiodatt what you are thinking is what every normal guy thinks why does she have to miss me to want me??

Why does she has to need me to want me back??

Why can't she just realise she still likes me??

These are normal responses and to many guys they seem to be what we think.

But if yiou look at it when people first meet they don't really know each other and this is what many females are attracted to themystery. Since there is no mystery with you because she knows what she gets, the mystery that will be created which will bring her back will be the mystery of what you are doing which will give her the feeling of wanting to know and then she may contact you because its a lot about feelings now.

I know what you mean by it would be easier if she just realised she wanted me. Its not this simple she is probably in a state of confusion and really doeant know what she is wanting at the moment, but I can tell you from what I've read if you stick around you will only help her get over you, although sticking around and being the nice guy who is there for her may sound right I'm led to believe if she wanted a break and said we can still talk. Say OK but don't be available to her. Be busy even if your not busy don't answer let her think about things. Don't say anything silence is golden. Don't me mean ring her at a later time tell her your on the way out but just want to check she's doing fine.

Take this advice ihave red many posts today and this seems the best method. Any contact youmake even if you think your doing the right thing your not being quiet will show her your busy and even moving on which will show her she has no fallback.

Honestly most girls don't think of you as fallback but they do want and like you to be there just in case things don't go there wqy or they ralise they do want you and you are the one you can enhance the possibility of this by not being available which will get her all worked up and wantinng you more..

TRY THIS

Update of sorts:

Although it was harder than I had hoped it would be, I kept her in my block list and did not talk to her online tonight.

I know she was online, though, as I checked from another account. The funny thing is, I am her only "buddy" on the instant messenger in question, as all her friends use another program.

I don't know why this is so hard on me--I guess I had grown accustom to talking to her again on a regular basis, and closing that off (especially knowing she was there, waiting to talk to me!) was not easy.

I don't really know what to do in the long-term. I am hoping that she will either escalate her contact with me (phone call, meeting up, etc.), or that I will get better by not worrying about our conversations every night after I have them.

In other news, I met a cute girl last Friday, who I called tonight--she sounded excited at my offer to meet up for dinner or drinks!

Talking online gives it that almost anonymous feeling. No pressure. And believe me, even when there is "no reason" there is a reason. Meeting you for a drink she accomplishes many things: are you still interested in any degree? Are you available? Are you curious enough to take the risk? Have you moved on? If you haven't and decide to go, it allows her to scratch that itch. Are you a tool for that? Should you be?

That you say you don't know why you broke up is bad news. Either you're in denial or you weren't paying attention.

Talking online gives it that almost anonymous feeling. No pressure. And believe me, even when there is "no reason" there is a reason. Meeting you for a drink she accomplishes many things: are you still interested in any degree? are you available? are you curious enough to take the risk? Have you moved on? If you haven't and decide to go, it allows her to scratch that itch. Are you a tool for that? Should you be?

That you say you don't know why you broke up is bad news. Either you're in denial or you weren't paying attention.

She has trust, anger, and commitment issues.

I know I came on too strong for her, when I told her that I loved her after dating her for about 5 months.

I don't think she has had much success keeping relationships going after 3-4 months.

Beyond that, I am at a loss. We had great sex 2 days prior to the breakup, she asked for keys to my place 1 day prior to the breakup, and complained about not seeing me enough the same day.

Now, what part of your sane mind is attracted to a person who has trust, anger and commitment issues??

Did she actually tell you she has these issues and this is why she wanted to break up? Are these her tickets/excuses for all her breakups? If so, this is not the person you need to be with.

Please don't spend another minute trying to be with someone who's issues you cannot fix. It is guaranteed to lead to more heartache and a whole lot of wasted time and frustration.


You sound like you can be a really great partner in a relationship. Understand that even if you worked overtime with this girl, it will never be fruitful because it needs to be 50-50. People with these types of character flaws are too selfish to give 100% of themselves. It's not fear, it's selfishness. Stating or admitting that they have these flaws is a defense mechanism and certainly an out.

Now, what part of your sane mind is attracted to a person who has trust, anger and committment issues???

Did she actually tell you she has these issues and this is why she wanted to break up? Are these her tickets/excuses for all her breakups? If so, this is not the person you need to be with.

Please don't spend another minute trying to be with someone who's issues you cannot fix. It is guaranteed to lead to more heartache and a whole lot of wasted time and frustration.


You sound like you can be a really great partner in a relationship. Understand that even if you worked overtime with this girl, it will never be fruitful because it needs to be 50-50. People with these types of character flaws are too selfish to give 100% of themselves. It's not fear, it's selfishness. Stating or admitting that they have these flaws is a defense mechanism and certainly an out.

She sent me a lengthy email about what she described as "anger issues" that she cannot control and should seek help for that "have ended all of her relationships in the same way."

She had an ex cheat on her recently, and had a hard time trusting me, and I am not sure if she ever fully did--me bringing this fact up resulted in the aforementioned email.

I am assuming she has commitment issues, as she also mentioned how she gets to "three or four months" in a relationship, and they all end--with her making the break.

I realize that I cannot change her, but I was willing to work through the trust issues, and I genuinely thought she was making a concerted effort and things were better in that regard. That, and I love her.

Thanks for your input, it is appreciated.

**** I found the email in question, in relevant portion it reads:

Hey. What is going on between us? Or you are probably asking yourself what
Is going on with me? Well to be honest this isn't the first relationship that
This has happened, where I get upset a lot. I don't know where it comes from
And I honestly do not know how to control it. You say its EASY, to just stop
Doing it, but in fact I've tried that time and time again and nothing works.
And when I say I don't know how to change it... its because I really don't.
...
Yes I probably have an anger problem and probably need help from other sources... I probably can't help myself because I've tried that before. I care for you a lot and I don't
Like how I treat you sometimes and don't want you to "walk on ice" around me.
I would like to change for you and for myself. And when I say "you probably
shouldn't be with me" that's because I know how I am and know how every other
Relationship has ended. So I am not trying to make you mad when I say that.
Sorry.

As I read this email above I only see excuses and excuses and no real willingness to change. It says : "you should accept me as I am". Selfish thing.

Update of sorts:

Although it was harder than I had hoped it would be, I kept her in my block list and did not talk to her online tonight. .....

In other news, I met a cute girl last Friday, who I called tonight--she sounded excited at my offer to meet up for dinner or drinks!


GOOD FOR YOU!! GOOD JOB BUDDY! I'm so proud. I know how hard NC is and this is awesome that you are staying strong :)

You met this cute girl because you checked the "still hanging on to ex" vibe at the door! Do this daily! Of course she's excited at an invitation to go out with you. Be the perfect gentleman, funny, charismatic and you will likely have her eating out of the palm of your hands.

Update of sorts:

In a really weird turn of events (I made a mistake in a doctor's appointment for an injury, my ex is a medical student and was in the area, and I needed someone to check on me, and she needed to see something right next to my apartment), I saw my ex in person for the first time in exactly seven weeks. It was also the first time I had heard her voice in that span.

I think I handled the meeting well. I did not mention anything having to do with us, or our relationship. I cracked a few jokes, talked with her, and smiled. I happened to be looking pretty good at the time.

I really have no idea what she thought of our meeting--she even commented how it was weird to hear my voice, but good to see me as we said goodbye.

Somewhat at my instigation, she also mentioned she still wanted to get together for drinks, but has a hectic schedule the next week or so, so we have no definite plans.

I also have no idea how this will affect me after the excitement of seeing her fades.

Don't call her for drinks or conversation. That's what she wants, you to show interest, and chase her on her terms. If she was serious would she be intiating the contact?

Just do it and see where it takes you, go from there

Don't call her for drinks or conversation. Thats what she wants, you to show interest, and chase her on her terms. If she was serious would she be intiating the contact??

I agree, and I am not planning on calling her, or initiating any contact with her, for that matter.

I guess I should clarify how I ended up seeing her today. I made a doctor's appointment, and was checking my email shortly before leaving when she messaged me. She said she was going to be near my apartment, and was wondering if I would be home. I said, no, I have an appointment.

When I got to the doctor, it turns out my appointment was not until tomorrow. So I called her and said it looked like I would actually be home, and that she could stop by, and look at my injury for me.

We took a short walk together, talked for about 20-30 minutes, and she was on her way.

She is going to be back home starting Friday for at least 5 days, though, so she'll be somewhat out of sight/mind again.

If she ever asks. Ask why? I wouldn't bother with her. Too much confusion, let her grow up and figure out life her way and without you.

Hello everyone,

It's been exactly two months since my ex girlfriend broke up with me. I maintained strict NC on my end the first ~seven weeks, when my ex started to instant message me everyday at night. We would talk for 30 minutes to an hour. At the end of the week, she also went out of her way to see me in person, which is the first time we had seen each other since the breakup.

It's now been six days since I talked to her last. She is out of town, visiting her family and working 12 hour days, which may certainly account for why I haven't talked to her in the past week.

However, I also broke NC last Friday when I sent her a message on her Facebook account that more or less indicated I was still interested in her (I did not say I love you, I need you, etc.) She responded with something that could be interpreted as either tongue-in-cheek funny, or somewhat cold. There's really no way for me to know.

That said, I have had a strong desire to contact her the past several days. I really do not have anything to say to her, and I honestly feel like, in terms of getting over her, I am by far at the best place I have been since we broke up. I also know that maintaining NC has helped me tremendously, and the main reason I sent her the Facebook message, other than being drunk, was because the week of conversations that I had with her had given me the (false) hope of getting back together.

Why do I have such a strong compulsion to talk to her, and how can I resist it?

Thank you!

LONELINESS!

This is the #1 reason you feel the need to have contact with her. She is giving you the attention and feelings that you have been longing for since the break up. I recently went through this with my ex-husband after we filed for divorce. I had no feelings for him but yet I still kept in contact with him because I didn't want to feel alone. Time will make this feeling fade and two months doesn't even put a dent in it. Have you tried dating someone since the split?

LONELINESS!

This is the #1 reason you feel the need to have contact with her. She is giving you the attention and feelings that you have been longing for since the break up. I recently went through this with my ex-husband after we filed for divorce. I had no feelings for him but yet I still kept in contact with him because I didn't want to feel alone. Time will make this feeling fade and two months doesn't even put a dent in it. Have you tried dating someone since the split?

I think you may be spot on about the loneliness factor.

Speaking of dating someone else, I have a date tonight. This will be the first time I've gone out with someone since the breakup, so hopefully it will put a dent in my lonely feelings.

Thank you for your response!

What do you mean by you are tempted to break no contact??

You haven't had no contact to break.. You've been in constant contact with her so what is that you think you are breaking?

We've been over this before. Get on with focusing on your life and not what she is doing.

Hello everyone,

It's now been two months since my girlfriend ended our relationship.

While I thought I was finally beginning to get over her, I've felt as bad or worse than I did since day one of the breakup.

I just feel at a complete loss, and am not sure what to do next.

I avoided contact with her for nearly 7 weeks, until she talked to me every night for a week online. Ultimately, I even saw her in person the other week, at her instigation.

I know this contact with her is likely the cause for my downturn in mood, but it's also reaffirmed my love for her.

I've attempted to stay busy--working out, reading, enjoying time to myself, going out with friends--and I have even went on a date recently. Nothing seems to help--I find myself lonely and sad, and feeling utterly hopeless.

What can I do?

Cut all contact if she calls don't answer. Only time willheal and adventuallyyou wontget over it but you will learn to live with it.

Whatever youdo Don't meet up don't do anything. She will contact you againits only been 7 days. Talking to her for a week that was a boig mistake...

Learn one thing mate she gets all of you or none of you!!

She is eitheryour girlfriend and gets to be part of your life or gets nothing you dontneed to explain this to her but if she contacts wantingto meet up you don't just send her amsg you get all are nothing and leave it at that and never contac her again...

Its hard but it straight she is your girlfriend or not! Don't let them trhow you the friends card... Play it straigfht its eitheronoroff.

Cut all contact if she calls dont answer. Only time willheal and adventuallyyou wontget over it but you will learn to live with it.

Whatever youdo Dont meet up dont do anything. She will contact you againits only been 7 days. Talking to her for a week that was a boig mistake...

Learn one thing mate she gets all of you or none of you!!!

She is eitheryour gf and gets to be part of your life or gets nothing you dontneed to explain this to her but if she contacts wantingto meet up you dont just send her amsg you get all r nothing and leave it at that and never contac her again....

Its hard but it straight she is your gf or not!! Dont let them trhow you the friends card.... Play it straigfht its eitheronoroff.

Thanks for your reply, mac.

That's OK. You're only human.

Just start over.

90 days - starting now. For real..

And get some girls as surrogates GF's: Just Friends... so you don't feel starved.

Then one day between now and then WHAM - new tiodaat!

Watch out ladies!

I hear it, what I love about this site is that you find soooooo many people going through the same thing. I have mentioned it to death in other posts but I too am kind of where your at save the contact. My ex-girl and me split 3 months ago and I last spoke to her 2 months ago and ithurst like hell.

I think your right about the re-caontact, I guess we WANT to speak to them to not feel lonely, but ultimately we would like to know we are missed, that we meant something to them and there not just over us and on to another person. That's what makes me want to call her, well that... aaaandd... other stuff... but still ,mostly that.

Many people said DON'T CALL, CUT ALL CONTACT, I have and it still hurts, but you just got to do it and trust that time will heal this. I feel better, slow but steady progress, but I do know exactly how you feel when you say when you think about her it can change your mood, one minute I couldn't care less and the very next I'm sad and depressed. I hope this helps a bit cause I sympathize with these situations, almost as if we do feel like we will never get that someone again... I like to think we all will:)

First thing is to NEVER take her calls. I contacted her 2 months into breakup. That was my first mistake, went rite back to square one. My second mistake was a week later asking her I still wanted us to be married, hurt like hell when she said NO. I e-mailed her twice in 4.5 months that's was it. When you are in contact with a person or see that person all the time you do not heal. So stay NC and stay busy, in time that love will fade. I don't even know if I love my ex anymore.

LOL... SAB your last comment was funny. Just that I am sooo glad you are at that stage where it appears you are getting much better over time, but the funny part is that its odd we would feel happy about falling out of love, but in this case it is so true. Like "I'm soooooo happy, i'm finally not in love" LOL

I know how it feels I have been there... just think about this...
How long have you been with her? Has she been out partying and having fun with other guys while your down on yourself and feeling bad?. is she worth it? Worth another chance? Another heartach?

The logical thing is to cut and find yourself someone somewhere... anyone.. any girl for short time fun if you can't find something for long (make sure she is looking for short time fun as well or that would be just crule and mean to her)... hang out have fun... take her off your mind.

But I do know the heart has a weird twist of logic to its own... just carful my friend...

Best of luck to you.

Now that you mention it that is funny... lol. I know you are 3 months in and I am 6 months in. When you get to your 6th months it's not as bad. I still have very, very bad days but the are far in between now. I still hurt sometime not because I miss her I think it's the way she treated me and used me. But I can look back and remember my 3rd month in, I was soooo hurt and was still crying at that point. I'm just glad I healed to a point now where if she does come back I can tell her to get lost.

Would'nt that be nice, makes me feel good just visualizing that:)

Would'nt that be nice, makes me feel good just visualizing that:)
Trust me it will come In the 3rd month in despite what people were telling me here and at home I would have still taking her back. But once I let go that when it got eiser. The 5 month in the dust started settling, then bingo all these red flags of things she did and espically said started popping up. I feel stupid for ever taking her back the other 6 times... lol

How long did you date?

Can determine timetable... and to some degree your age...

Standing by:

how long did you date?

can determine timetable...and to some degree your age...

standing by:
He said on another question he posted a little over 4 month's and never got his age.

how long did you date?

can determine timetable...and to some degree your age...

standing by:

We dated for ~5 months.

We are both 24 years old.

I think it's 2 months for every year to get over some one but, I also believe if your still in contact with them or how bad the relationship ended are big facters too.

OK, you are a prime candidate for total NC pay off...

In no longer than 5 months - I'd say 3... at your age and type of situ -
If you do 100% NC you will be good.

Let me know.

A calendar to mark the days with adjectives is a good one... let's you see your progress - if you want - then toss it one day :-)

ok, you are a prime candidate for total NC pay off....

in no longer than 5 months - i'd say 3....at your age and type of situ -
if you do 100% NC you will be good.

let me know.

a calendar to mark the days with adjectives is a good one...let's you see your progress - if you want - then toss it one day :-)
Does your age play a huge in getting over someone,and what would the time frame be for almost 5 years and my age is 35

Well, you are of an age when you are more likely to be seeking a lifemate -
So, you may have more vested in the relationship.

Also, 5 years would require (in loose unofficial math) about 10-12 months...

The good news is if you go to NC you will feel a little better every couple months -and hold it... (it restarts each time you break it) until you are DONE: (You can see your ex/hear of your ex - with someone else and yawn... )

It doesn't happen all at once... until one day - boom - it happens...

I'm sooooooo looking forward to the BOOM>... LOL

Hello everyone,

I think I have finally come to terms with what likely led to my ex girlfriend breaking up with me some two months ago. Although I guess there is no way for me to know for sure if this was the impetus behind the breakup, I feel as if after a lot of reflection on the subject I finally have something positive that I can keep in mind in my future relationships.

My mistake was conflating the happiness and love I felt with my girlfriend with my overall outlook on life, and MY general happiness.

This is somewhat difficult for me to put into words, but essentially I believe that I lost sight of ME--my goals, my value, my independence--and associated all my positive feelings with my girlfriend.

Don't get me wrong--I worked out everyday, attended my grad school classes, hung out with my friends--but I think I had honestly convinced myself that it was my girlfriend, and not everything else in my life that I worked hard for and have going for me that was responsible for making me happy.

I put us in front of me, and this is my mistake.

I am not sure exactly how this was manifested in our relationship. I think I, and maybe not even overtly, put too much pressure on her for ensuring that I was happy. I think I spent too much time with her, although she would often want to see me more often than she did. I know I made her "number one" in my thoughts--the problem being, she remained number one at almost all times.

As I am healing up, I will try not to ever lose sight of me again. I've worked hard for a lot of things in my life, and I am an awesome catch for someone fortunate enough to be with me.

Don't make the same mistake that I did.

Hey tiodaat that's what I am starting to realise with my situation.
I look back now and think the same to myself, perhaps if I gave more to myself at that time in my life it wouldn't be this way at the moment.
But hey we all learn from experiemce and that's what life is all about.
Learning and experience :) I understand 100% on this one.

I know this contact with her is likely the cause for my downturn in mood, but it's also reaffirmed my love for her.

You are right, your contact reafirmed your love, and set you backward into limbo. That's what always happens after a break up. Seeing them again breaks our hearts all over again, and we have to start all over. Listen to the very good advice the other posters have given you, and do not let her instigate contact, and no more online chats either. Complete no contact will heal you, and anything less will keep you stuck on stupid, and unable to move on. Your choice.

You say it all there man! Spot on. I made the same mistake. But hey we live and learn!

Yup too often people do that. They lose themselves in the other person. Always good to recognize it. The true test will be when you get into another relationship and see if you can stop it. Good luck!

It's been nine weeks since my ex broke up with me.

If I so much as glance as a photograph of her--all of which I have stashed away, but I manage to see her Facebook profile occasionally--I feel as if I am back to square one.

I cannot get over how much I love her, how beautiful I think she is, and how happy I was when I was with her.

I've been in several relationships that lasted as long or longer than the one with my recent ex, having been dumped and dumped someone, and I have never been remotely as invested this far along after the breakup.

I've been working out, seeing friends, dated once, school starts soon--I just don't see myself getting over my ex anytime soon, if ever.

I don't know what else to do--it's miserable.

An article about this in today's Chicago paper said surveys show it takes an average of two months to get over a breakup. Bereft exes at first felt their life was over and they couldn't go on and there was sadness every day with many reminders of what they had lost.

But time went by and they got on with their lives. They went on new adventures, they lived life by going to work or to school, they reconnected with friends, they made new friends, they got involved in life again.

Funniest thing. They survived. They decided to live again. They started dating. They enjoyed dating. They found new gfs or bfs. Life was good. They even laughed at how morose and weepy they had been. And they knew it would probably happen again, that they would lose the love of their life--but they decided that was OK. "Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all."

An article about this in today's Chicago paper said surveys show it takes an average of two months to get over a breakup. Bereft exes at first felt their life was over and they couldn't go on and there was sadness every day with many reminders of what they had lost.

But time went by and they got on with their lives. They went on new adventures, they lived life by going to work or to school, they reconnected with friends, they made new friends, they got involved in life again.

Funniest thing. They survived. They decided to live again. They started dating. They enjoyed dating. They found new gfs or bfs. Life was good. They even laughed at how morose and weepy they had been. And they knew it would probably happen again, that they would lose the love of their life--but they decided that was ok. "Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all."

Thanks for your response, and I see your point. I know my life will go on.

That said, I've never been even remotely this conflicted before. I feel like I should make some kind of grandiose attempt to try to start things with her again--something, anything.

I am afraid of having regrets later in life, but I have no idea what I could even do were I to try to win her back.

Leave her alone and stay NC, if she wants to get back she will make it known. As for you stay off my space and don't look at her pics on their. Yes you still will go back to square one when you see her or talk to her. It's seems to me you haven't let go yet, this is something you have got to do. It will only delay your healing process. It's been over 6 months since my selfish ex broke up with me, although I'm not hurting anymore but missing something. Is it her I don't know maybe someone to share it with again. When you finally decide to let go it will get better in time.

Hello.

I know it seems like forever but you will make it and be able to see how much stronger you have become. Life gives us joy and pain so we can learn from both. Everything can become a positive in time so stop looking at her pics and stop thinking about her, each time you start to think about her get up and do something to take your mind off it.

Just remember you will always have a small place for her in your heart so relax with that. That is there to help you grow.

Dennis777

Tiodaat,

I feel your pain buddy. It's been about 7 weeks of NC for me too since the last time I emailed her and now I'm dying inside. Almost 5 months since we broke up. After having a little strength come back for a short time, the last 2 weeks I have been at my lowest again. Thinking and smoking too much, and definitely not sleeping enough.

I've thought of a million options other than NC and have come up with nothing. You contact her now and than what? 9 weeks isn't good enough. And it's not like she has made any attempt to contact you either. No, unfortunately the way I see it, you need to hold out longer. Question is how long. I know you still want her and that's why I'm not saying never look back, even though that is the best advice. But I know myself and I'm on your same wavelength right now….I have to see her or talk to her eventually because I care so much about her. Anyway, if you do it too soon you'll just push her away more, annoy her and/or make her lose respect for you for being weak. This is permanent damage. So stay away and just wait it out.

School is a good distraction, I know I can't wait for it to start too, but remember it will be for her too.

Maybe wait till Dec. Once school slows down and the holidays come around, and if you don't hear from her by then, give her a call and ask her to meet up for a drink to see how she's doing, and see what happens. Keep the relationship out of it and just be like old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time. After that, you should be detached enough to get a clearer view of what you want and if there is a possibility of anything.

If you have any ideas, or anyone else, other than NC forever, please let me know.

P.S. A friend of mine is actually getting married next year to a girl that dumped him. They were separated for a few months and he even had a new g/f . Anyway he called her up like after 4-5 months of NC and she was being normal, like acquaintances. Than he told her he had a g/f to see her reaction and she pretended like it didn't bother her, but he could tell it did. So he told her he still loved her and not this girl he was with, told her he was going to call her and break it off. The ex said he was crazy, but he did it then called her back. They met up for dinner a few days later, then went away for the weekend the next week, and now, 2 years later, they're getting married. So you never know. Even though this is rarely the case I know, it's just a bit of hopeful inspiration. Anyway, hang in there, and keep waiting it out.

AND STAY Off FACEBOOK. AT LEAST STOP LOOKING AT HER PROFILE. AND BLOCK/DELETE HER FROM YOUR MSN. THAT WILL DO WONDERS FOR YOUR HEALING.

Go to work.
Then let time work.

Did you do 100% silence and no cheating... if so, in another 9 weeks you
Should be getting a clear head. No cheating. You can't rush it. But
You can make sure you get somewhere NEW if you WORK...

Consider WHat she said. If it's done. You need to Go To Work.

It's the great ones that take on adversity and do well in life.
USE the info here and better yet, the people outside of here, to make sure your life
is going in the right direction: Work, school (if of age), health...THEN things wil happen.

If your life is going somewhere - the RIGHT person will step up...Be ready.

Fixating is for the mediocre... The people that run successful businesses and find lifemates
Don't feel like a victim - they feel like opportunists. If you are into video games and looking at face book and hoping that she'll come back - you are going to be jealous of all the guys that are getting their lives together and are going to get the girls you could be getting...