There is a great old song by George Jones called "He Stopped Loving Her Today" in the folksy country tradition it is a story. The song is about a man who promised his beloved he would love her until he died while she left him and found another. That man sat in mourning of that relationship for the rest of his life and only stopped loving upon death. It is the saddest song I've ever heard.

I guess my point is to your want your life to be a tribute to a lost love? Do you really want to carry around with you the pain and hurt for the rest of your life? After 9 weeks you are making a decision to stay in pain so you need to make a decision to attempt to get on with your life. You owe it to yourself to not keep her in your mind and heart. Release her and REALLY live your life.

Don't quite now and hard as it is keep trying to get something in your life to enjoy.

Hang in there, I'm going on 1 month with my GF of 12 years.

Still in contact like a dummy that makes it harder than it should be, but I do feel better than when this all first happened. Hey if she doesn't want me ill find someone who does, once I'm all healed up that is. And stay off facebook/myspace/aim/msn... that stuff will make it drag on forever!

Hey tiodaat,

I know how you feel its been 6 weeks since my boyfriend dumped me for a girl he works with and the pain is unbelievable. I love him as much as I ever did even though I know he betrayed me and I shouldn't love him. But he was my one true love and that's supposed to last forever. I try to keep busy and I am doing NC and have been for 5 and half weeks but I think I'll love him forever. I don't know how to stop.

Break ups are always hard... and especially when you fall that hard for someone... im not sure of your situation... but... eventually (I know you're probably sick of hearing that word) things will get better... it'll be easier to come across her Facebook profile... or see her at school... its miserable because its called heart ache... everyone goes through it sometime... even though it sux... when one of my ex's broke up with me... it hurt so bad.. it took me so long to get over him it seems like it took months.. I don't advise what I did (a bunch of rebound relationships that went no where and made me feel worse) but after a while... it became easier to pretend it was easier to see the pictures and what not... then after a while it became easier... and then I started to heal... once it got easier to see him... it took about 4 41/2 months... its been 10 months... and I'm with a new guy... who I love more than I could have possibly love the other guy... and I'm a better girl for him because of the ordeal I went through...

Hello everyone,

It will soon be 11 weeks since my ex girlfriend ended our relationship.

I've thought about the two of us a considerable deal, and have been praying for more than two months now. I keep reaching the same conclusion: that I truly love her.

I don't have any illusions about me being able to change her mind about us, or her even having any second thoughts at this point.

I do not want to have any regrets though, and as our breakup was unexpected by me and I chose to play things relatively cool (as part of what she was asking for was space), I feel like I never really made a push for us to stay together.

I want to send her a letter, the details of which I am not sure of right now. I don't expect it to win her over, or bring us back together. What I am hoping is that it allows me to have some closure, and feel as if I did everything I could for the two of us.

Is this a terrible idea?

;) In what way do you want her to react when she reads this letter, if you want closure I personally would write eeeeeeeeeeverything down on paper. Then put it in an envelope and then BURN it. If she wants to come to you and talk then you can express what you want to say. Shrug.

Best of Luck,

Writing the letter is not so bad. Writing is a great way to get a lot ot things running around in your mind out and it helps you organize them.

Sending such a letter however is a horrible idea. She will look at that letter and know that she had the power in the relationship and that she can have you back at a moments notice.

Here's my formula for getting over the break up. I'd recommend making a list of things that you want to do in the short term only. Hang that list up so that you see it when you go to sleep and when you wake up and start working on those things. The more you focus on those things the better you'll start to feel and less you'll think of the ex.

I also recommend that if you don't have a gym membership you get one. Working out is a great way to get out of the house but also make yourself feel better. Get on a elliptical or stairmaster and just go for 10 or 15 minutes. Get off and rest and then do it again for another 10 or 15 minutes. I promise you, you won't be thinking about anything else other than what your doing. Plus it's healthy for you. Even if you don't get a gym membership take a walk, and go for long ones if you have the time. It gets you out the house, clears you head, and makes is healthy for you. If you have something else you like that's physical do that. Anything that creates motion in your body is good for you.

;) In what way do you want her to react when she reads this letter, if you want closure I personally would write eeeeeeeeeeverything down on paper. Then put it in an envelope and then BURN it. If she wants to come to you and talk then you can express what you want to say. Shrug.

Best of Luck,

If you're suggesting that the letter is unlikely to change anything and that she will have to come to me with a change of heart for anything to happen, I would agree that you are likely right.

That said, there are some things that I feel I never expressed adequately with her, and in that sense, feel sending it may be appropriate.

I will be posting a draft of the letter, although I have certainly not committed to sending it to her yet.

Thank you for your answer.

What follows is a draft of the letter, which I have NOT decided to send to my ex, yet.

I must admit, it was very cathartic simply writing this letter. A few days prior, I had written another letter to my ex (which I did not intend to send to her) that had a very different tone. I am not sure how I've switched gears, so to speak, in the last few days, as this letter is much less angry and unsettling than my initial letter.

Dear X,

What follows is the product of my most sincere thoughts and prayers. I have thought carefully about what to write, and prayed often that my thoughts as expressed will be heartfelt and meaningful. Above all else, this letter is an honest expression of my thoughts feelings that I have deemed important enough to share with you.

I sometimes think back to the circumstances under which we first met. I was reluctant to out that night, and went dragging my feet after X insisted on picking me up. I remember seeing you, and thinking how cute you were, but being unsure whether I was in the proper place to pursue anything with you. It turns out getting your phone number just took a little joking about the X area and a shot of X. At the time, I had no idea that you were reluctant--about taking me up on my dinner invitation—as well. Fortunately, you remained convinced enough to out with me the following week. At the end of that night, I found my initial reluctance to be almost amusing in light of the fun, charming woman it threatened to prevent me from meeting.

In a way, I think life is a lot like the circumstances leading up to our first date—that is, our fears and previous experiences battle with our hopes and the unknown of the future to bring us to any number of decisions each day. One thing I can confidently assert is that I am glad the life allowed me to the opportunity to meet you.

That night, more much more than it marked our first date, signified the start of our friendship. For some time, our friendship blossomed into a romantic relationship. I would be dishonest with you if I said that working through the end of our romantic relationship has been anything short of challenging for me. I was surprised, confused, hurt, betrayed and missed the close bond that we shared.

It is somewhat ironic, but it has only been after the end of our romantic relationship that I have been able to pray and reflect on what it really is that I miss so much. It sounds simple, but I have struggled to articulate this intangible thing that I miss so deeply.

Stated most simply: I miss you.

When I say you, I mean all that there is about you—your successes and failures, your hopes and your fears, and your past and your future. This is the person that I was fortunate enough to meet and share some of my time with.

One of my biggest regrets about our romantic relationship is that I began to conflate you, as a person, with my happiness. Ultimately, I convinced myself that it was you, playing your role as my girlfriend, which made me happy—that I needed you to feel my best. I lost sight of you—of the amazing, beautiful gift of you as an individual—and saw you as a means to the happy romantic relationship that I became dependent on.

I am not sure exactly how this manifested itself in our relationship. I believe it made me more whiny, and perhaps more demanding—in the expectations that I created either consciously or subconsciously for you and our relationship—than I should have been. I became more and more dependent on you, not as a person, but as a girlfriend, to ensure my happiness.

For this, I am tremendously sorry.

A picture that you sent to me from your cell phone early in our romantic relationship has taken on a more significant meaning for me recently. I left my necklace at your apartment one night, and you took a photo of yourself wearing it—holding it “ransom” for a kiss from me. At the time, the photo made me innocently smile from ear to ear. More recently, it has been a reminder of two things in my life that are very important to me—my Faith and you.

Which brings me to the reason that I wrote this letter to you.

I want to tell you how valuable you are to me. I want to know of your failures and your triumphs, your fears and your hopes, how your family is doing, how you spoil your new niece, and how your career is progressing. I want to be a part of your life.

It is ironic that it took the failing of our romantic relationship to point out my biggest mistake in regards to you—losing sight of the amazing and inherently valuable person that you are. Although I conflated you with your role as my girlfriend, I can honestly say that it is you that I fell in love with, yet failed to properly love.

I have seen my mistake clearly now, and would be deeply saddened to lose your friendship—the foundation—that I cheapened by elevating our romantic relationship over—of any relationship we share.

My reflections and prayers have also reminded me of the worth of meaningful relationships in this life—by far and away, the most rewarding and important aspect of our time here on Earth. It is rare to find someone that I feel so closely to, and to lose such a gift seems like a terrible insult to the One that made it possible.

Much like when I first met you, I approached this letter with some reluctance. I can only hope that you have remain convinced of the value of our friendship, and that in turn leads to us being a valuable, irreplaceable part of each other’s lives.

I hope and pray that these words find you well.

I understand what you mean by looking for closure but many times relationships end and we must make the decision to close that chapter ourselves even though there is no ending. I understand that your truly love her, but you also have done nothing but focus on her the entire time since the relationship ended. What have you done for yourself?

Furthermore, you state she ended the relationship. Women do not just end relationships. They emotionally bring themselves down then out, and then end the relationship. Despite what the popular culture would make you believe women are much better at understanding, controlling, and using emotions then men and they do so with much more effectiveness then we do. That's why quality, caring. Loving men like yourself are always caught off guard at the end of the relationship. We never see it coming. She knew this was coming much longer then 11 weeks ago.

I guess my question to you would be, what do you hope to accomplish? You admit yourself that you have no grand allusions about her coming back. How will this close the chapter for you? Again, I don't discourage you from writing it for, I just discourage you from sending it because I don't think you will get the results you want.

Well that is a great letter, I can't argue that. I just wonder what she is going to think when she reads it?

Well that is a great letter, I can't argue that. I just wonder what she is going to think when she reads it?

Honestly, I don't know what she will think when she reads it. It's been about four weeks since I last talked to her, as (far as I know) she was concerned that when we started talking again about four weeks ago that I had the wrong impression about what she wanted. And, truthfully, at the time, I definitely did.

I hate to break this to you but I think she is going to think you are somewhat weak. Women are attracted to emotionally strong men and writing a letter confusing you love almost 3 months after SHE broke up with you is just going to prove to her she was right to leave you.

I hate to break this to you but I think she is going to think you are somewhat weak. Women are attracted to emotionally strong men and writing a letter confusing you love almost 3 months after SHE broke up with you is just going to prove to her she was right to leave you.

I see, and won't dispute your point. It's really how I feel though. Do I need to present some kind of façade if I want any chance of winning her back?

I thought it was somewhat ballsy for me to fess up to how I conflated her and her as my girlfriend, and I truly regret doing so, because I care about her so much.

Well you can give her the letter but she broke up with you, and it appears she made it clear after the break up that she was done, so I would expect to be prepared for nothing to happen. Let's flip this around and let's say I was asking you for advice what would you tell me about my situation given that you had no emotional ties in it?

Well you can give her the letter but she broke up with you, and it appears she made it clear after the break up that she was done, so I would expect to be prepared for nothing to happen. Let's flip this around and let's say I was asking you for advice what would you tell me about my situation given that you had no emotional ties in it?

I would likely tell you the same thing.

I think you've made a good point that, if I do decide to send it to her, I should have absolutely no expectations about it changing anything between us.

Thanks.

Not a problem. I've seen guys do this, and admittingly thought about doing it myself in the same situation. But when I've seen others do it, it blows up in there faces because women don't like men that get too emotional, despite what they always say. Being a man in this regard is very difficult, if you get to emotional and really express yourself you are looked upon as weak but if you bottle it up inside you become depressed or bitter or both. So that's why I think it's great for you to write it but I have my doubts about sending it.

I did this. I sent an e-mail a month after the breakup (which is now a year ago). I expressed myself, how I felt, e.t.c... e.t.c...

It gave me no closure at all and in the end I looked back and questioned why I really did it and to be quite truthful, I was doing it when I had the false hope that she would come back and by expressing myself, I falsely believed that this would help the situation.

Nothing happened, she did not reply and did not contact me. That hurt, and you need to be prepared for that if you are going to send a letter to her. Personally and I am also thinking retrospectively on my experience I would not send the letter if I were you. Unfortunately, this kind of thing does make you look weak and while that may not be the case generally, at the moment post breakup, all (or at least most) of those who are left behind are emotionally weak if it was not what they wanted.

I don't believe it will give you any sense of closure and especially given the scenario that she does not reply which is extremely likely. You will then question what she thought when she received it and thoughts will go around and around in circles in your head. There is no closure there, is there?

You still love her and you are reaching out, justifying every action you take as a means to gain some kind of closure to that chapter in your life or perhaps you really do want the closure...

The first day she left you, she made it clear it was over, I can't believe she would care to hear from you now and in all honesty it is not your responsibility to express yourself to her now being that she left you and it was her choice. If she wants to know how you feel, then it is up to her to contact you but that likely won't happen.

Acceptance is the best way forward and I know you say you have given her space but letting go of her for good is the only way forward for you and that is why NC is best for you at this stage. Sending a letter now in my opinion will break the NC and will likely pull you back a few steps.

NC and time does help.

I did this. I sent an e-mail a month after the breakup (which is now a year ago). I expressed myself, how I felt, e.t.c....e.t.c....

It gave me no closure at all and in the end I looked back and questioned why I really did it and to be quite truthful, I was doing it when I had the false hope that she would come back and by expressing myself, I falsely believed that this would help the situation.

Nothing happened, she did not reply and did not contact me. That hurt, and you need to be prepared for that if you are going to send a letter to her. Personally and I am also thinking retrospectively on my experience I would not send the letter if I were you. Unfortunately, this kind of thing does make you look weak and while that may not be the case generally, at the moment post breakup, all (or at least most) of those who are left behind are emotionally weak if it was not what they wanted.

I don't believe it will give you any sense of closure and especially given the scenario that she does not reply which is extremely likely. You will then question what she thought when she received it and thoughts will go around and around in circles in your head. There is no closure there, is there?

You still love her and you are reaching out, justifying every action you take as a means to gain some kind of closure to that chapter in your life or perhaps you really do want the closure...

The first day she left you, she made it clear it was over, I can't believe she would care to hear from you now and in all honesty it is not your responsibility to express yourself to her now being that she left you and it was her choice. If she wants to know how you feel, then it is up to her to contact you but that likely won't happen.

Acceptance is the best way forward and I know you say you have given her space but letting go of her for good is the only way forward for you and that is why NC is best for you at this stage. Sending a letter now in my opinion will break the NC and will likely pull you back a few steps.

NC and time does help.

Thanks for your response. Both you and chuff make some excellent points--but I am still undecided on whether to send it.

It's been now 7 months since my ex fiancé broke up with me. 2 weeks into breakup were emailing each other back(more me) I wrote her a letter saying I didn't want us to break again and how I felt about us. I just made me feel worse. 8 weeks into breakup I emailed her for her birthday, we talked even saw each other briefly. That was the worst mistake of my life. Days go by and we emailed each other again. I told her I wanted to be her I wanted to be her husband and her sons dad. She said no. I was so hurt I emailed her a clousure letter and told her I don't ever want to see her again. It's been 5 months since we talked. PLEASE don't send it. When I sent it, it just made me feel worse and move backwards. Although I still miss her and hurt sometimes, I look back and wish I NEVER would have sent those e-mails to her. TRUST ME don't send it.

Yeah I agree with SAB.. I did the letter, chocolate an flowers... an now with I didn't send her anything an want my money back ha! No but seriously, she's made up her mind an sending a letter will just show that your weak! Her not knowing how you feel is the best way to go about it! - Don't SEND THE LETTER!!

I think Geoffersonairplane hit the nail on the head. I don't think your after closure here it looks like your reaching out for another chance. Not only will the letter make you look weak in her eyes it will bring you back some steps in your recovery. That is the most important thing , because remember it doesn't matter what she thinks or how she is feeling the important thing for you is YOU!
For what it's worth , My verdict= DON'T SEND!

I think Geoffersonairplane hit the nail on the head. I don't think your after closure here it looks like your reaching out for another chance. Not only will the letter make you look weak in her eyes it will bring you back some steps in your recovery. That is the most important thing , because remember it doesn't matter what she thinks or how she is feeling the important thing for you is YOU!
For what it's worth , My verdict= DON'T SEND!!

Unfortunately, I think you are exactly right. While I really mean what I wrote in the letter, and I think it's kind of big of me to admit as much, I also think it's just another attempt at trying to win her back.

Thank you for replying.

I think once you write her a letter and have that "closure" you may actually feel better. Can the two of you still be friends? Sometimes though this isn't a good idea because you remember her and miss her more and it may be best to try to get her off your mind. Other people it may help though

I certainly believe you meant every word and a good letter too. It's just amazing how LOVE can make us try and kid ourselves :-)

Hello everyone,

It will soon be 11 weeks since my ex girlfriend ended our relationship.

I've thought about the two of us a considerable deal, and have been praying for more than two months now. I keep reaching the same conclusion: that I truly love her.

I don't have any illusions about me being able to change her mind about us, or her even having any second thoughts at this point.

I do not want to have any regrets though, and as our breakup was unexpected by me and I chose to play things relatively cool (as part of what she was asking for was space), I feel like I never really made a push for us to stay together.

I want to send her a letter, the details of which I am not sure of right now. I don't expect it to win her over, or bring us back together. What I am hoping is that it allows me to have some closure, and feel as if I did everything I could for the two of us.

Is this a terrible idea?
I feel bad... reading about this really breaks my heart. I hope your prayers will get you through. You did what I did in my previous relationship. You fell too hard and became dependent on her to make you happy. I know it is hard to but being that you love her... letting her do what makes her happy, should indeed make you happy as well though without her. I know you want even just friendship as a base with her and maybe that will happen. I went through the same thing as you with a previous woman and she completely caught me off guard with a "break-up" when I began to truly place a burden on her as my girlfriend. Listen I am not a professional at all but I am a man of experience similar to yours and I'll pray for you like I prayed for my relationship and He will make his choice.

Unfortunately, I think you are exactly right. While I really mean what I wrote in the letter, and I think it's kind of big of me to admit as much, I also think it's just another attempt at trying to win her back.

Thank you for replying.

Of course it is.

I was denying my motives when I was doing it but deep down, I knew what I was doing, reaching out, not looking for closure, quite the opposite. It took me some time before I really realised what I was doing. It's a very confusing time when you have just broken up with the ex and we all do things we regret, well at least most of us.

It all gets easier though but I really would advise to refrain from sending a letter, e-mail or text message. It will be very hard but with the months that pass, things just get easier, its as simple as that. Its my big thing on this forum that I keep saying, TIME HEALS A BROKEN HEART.

It never forgets of course, kind of like a closed wound or even a scar perhaps (an emotional one) but you will be stronger for getting through it and better still if you have less to regret.

I certainly believe you meant every word and a good letter too. It's just amazing how LOVE can make us try and kid ourselves :-)


Yes I agree, also I do believe in the saying 'love is blind'.

It's funny because I can relate to the letter thing. I would get ready to write her a letter if something was wrong. I'd write it and then I'd completely change my mind about how I felt on the matter. I'd erase like half of it or just crumple it up or keep it to myself. I have about ten pages worth of my thoughts and how uneasy I was a long time back when she was being weird... I could never give that to her but I exposed my weakness in that writing and I realized what my weakness was. I LOVED HER LMAO! A personal suggestion would be to write about your thoughts and then re-read them at different times when you're in need of salvation and you'll realized how things have changed since the last time you wrote and reviewed it. In years you may still have these writings and when you begin to lose your way or your "self" You will have something to look back on your past. Often when people write about their thoughts, they see what they were missing the whole time and they correct themselves. When they re read their thoughts its almost like it was written by another person but it is really you seeing yourself from the outside. This will help you get through if you see writing your thoughts as a significant helper to you. And like friend4u178 says "you meant every word", I have to disagree because whenever I write my thoughts down and look it over after I want to edit things that would show to me that I'm not being true to myself. And when I say "myself" I'm trying to imply that these writings should be only for your eyes and you may not want other people looking inside you. And On what Geoffersonairplane said, I have to agree but I speak in different words on his "time heals a broken heart" comment. I say "Take time with a wounded hand because it likes to heal". This saying explains more of what YOU yourself has to do to heal. TAKE time: and give time to realize that it wasn't meant to be if she doesn't want you. Both need to contribute their dedication to a relationship for it to be. And saying "it likes to heal" symbolizes and emphasizes the fact that YOU and YOUR BODY do NOT want to be in this condition. You would like to heal so you can use your hand again, wouldn't you? You never wanted to feel like this and you couldn't stop your hand from being cut. You slipped and you landed on a piece of glass.It wasn't your fault.Realize that you cut your hand bad and also realize that in life sh*t happens and it hurts but all you can do is wait for it to get better.

Hello,

Next week will mark three months since my ex broke up with me. I am 24, a graduate student, was single for several years before dating my ex. We dated for about 5.5 months.

I've gone on other dates, I've gone to the gym, I've focused on my studies, I've spent time with my friends, I even went to see a psychiatrist last week because I am starting to get so alarmed at how I cannot seem to stop thinking about her.

Per the psychiatrist's advice, I wrote a letter not to be sent to her. In fact, I've written two.

I constantly bring up the subject of my ex to my closest friends and my parents.

I pray every night. I go to Mass every week.

I don't know what to do at this point. I truly feel like I am going crazy. I cannot stop thinking about how I feel about her, and I know I am holding out every hope that we will get back together.

The thing is, there is no hope. While we've talked since the breakup, I've heard from a mutual friend that she feels guilty about it because she is worried about leading me on. I think she has started to date again, as well.

This is completely consuming my life. I know this is not healthy. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Hey tiodaat,

I completely understand what you're feeling, I still feel about the same. All the advice I've gotten is all good and I'd like to put it to good use but nothing seems to be working. I do no contact and have since 3 days after he left I do all the suggested things like hang with family and friends but I am still a mess most of the time. It is finally sinking in that he's not coming back but that just makes me feel worse. I at least felt better when I thought he might come back. Now the pain of knowing he is'nt puts me right back where I started.

I know the feeling welll my ex and I split up alomost 5 months ago abnd I still have day where I hope he will be back despite the fact he is seeing someone else we remained friends and although there is o del;iberate contact we talk if we bump into each other if he happens to notice anything about me and comment I take it as a sign but it is not of course and then the hurt starts again I hjpe you feel better soon it will take toime I feel a bit better and even thing of dating but for me it is still a bit too soon good luck

Hey tiodaat, I'm sorry to hear about how the bad feelings are consuming you. I know the feeling. I would first of all recommend reading the sticky (if you haven't already) written by "friend4u" at the top of the Relationships forum. It is, quite simply, an awesome rundown of those dark days after the breakup and helps simply in how much it nails the kinds of things most people feel. You mentioned that "there is no hope." How long have you known this for? I think that this actually a very good thing that you recognize this. I have not been in contact with my ex for 3 months yesterday, but I started to feel a lot better when I lost all hope. Losing all hope is freedom in many ways. Recognize that. I cannot offer you any advice that you couldn't read in a hundred threads on this board. However, forget about strategies to heal for a second and take comfort in the fact that, although it's a cliché, it's at least an objective truth: time will heal all wounds. Find strength in that if you can. You WILL get over this. Time away from her having lost all hope will help, as much as that may not soothe your anxiety and sadness at the present moment. I just hope that you remember to stay away.

it's funny because I can relate to the letter thing. I would get ready to write her a letter if something was wrong. I'd write it and then I'd completely change my mind about how I felt on the matter. I'd erase like half of it or just crumple it up or keep it to myself. I have about ten pages worth of my thoughts and how uneasy I was a long time back when she was being weird... I could never give that to her but I exposed my weakness in that writing and I realized what my weakness was. I LOVED HER LMAO! A personal suggestion would be to write about your thoughts and then re-read them at different times when you're in need of salvation and you'll realized how things have changed since the last time you wrote and reviewed it. In years you may still have these writings and when you begin to lose your way or your "self" You will have something to look back on your past. Often when people write about their thoughts, they see what they were missing the whole time and they correct themselves. When they re read their thoughts its almost like it was written by another person but it is really you seeing yourself from the outside. This will help you get through if you see writing your thoughts as a significant helper to you. And like friend4u178 says "you meant every word", I have to disagree because whenever I write my thoughts down and look it over after I want to edit things that would show to me that I'm not being true to myself. And when I say "myself" I'm trying to imply that these writings should be only for your eyes and you may not want other people looking inside you. And On what Geoffersonairplane said, I have to agree but I speak in different words on his "time heals a broken heart" comment. I say "Take time with a wounded hand because it likes to heal". This saying explains more of what YOU yourself has to do to heal. TAKE time: and give time to realize that it wasn't meant to be if she doesn't want you. Both need to contribute their dedication to a relationship for it to be. And saying "it likes to heal" symbolizes and emphasizes the fact that YOU and YOUR BODY do NOT want to be in this condition. You would like to heal so you can use your hand again, wouldn't you?! You never wanted to feel like this and you couldn't stop your hand from being cut. You slipped and you landed on a piece of glass.It wasn't your fault.Realize that you cut your hand bad and also realize that in life sh*t happens and it hurts but all you can do is wait for it to get better.

That was an incredibly deep and interesting response and this has my thumbs up.. Unfortunately I can't rate you because I need to spread the rep.

Well I was in an unbelievable relationship that ended for unconventional reasons and it hurts both of us but someone else was getting in the way. I was only with her for 4 months neither of us wanted it to end but there was no way to keep going at this point. I got over it somewhat quick. After that I feel like I can deeply relate to peoples problems and as much as I don't feel like typing it, I want to reach out to the person who was hurt. Listen, I think I'm a visionary or some sh*t because It comes from inside me and hey you won't believe but I'm just a stupid teen age of 15 LOL. This relationship wasn't like any other. I took her from a bad background and changed her life as she changed mine. She opened my eyes to reality and I made her feel like she wasn't worthless like her parents try to make her feel. I feel like I really loved the girl and for that I can put myself in a lot of people's shoes and tell them what I think about their problem. I try to make people realize what I didn't at the time and It hopefully will help people get over it more quick. Thx Geoff...

Hello everyone,

I've finally gotten really serious about no contact, although I think it's also partially me finally getting over my ex (will be three months since she broke up with me in a couple days).

That said, I am still saddened by the loss of our friendship, and find myself with strong feelings (love) but a general disinterest in acting on my feelings for my ex.

Once you love someone, will it always be the case that you do, and to what extent does that love still exist?

Thanks.

I think so. But the love just takes a different form. I will always love my ex for many reasons. She was a special person and we spent some very tough times together which I'm sure gave us a bond that will always be remembered.

Now do I love her now the way I did 2 years ago? No.

Its hard to explain but give it time and your strong feelings will die down and you will begin to understand what I'm getting at.

You really should have cut contact by now though. You are making it hard for yourself. Until you do it properly you won't make progress. You just get stuck on the round about.

You really should have cut contact by now though. You are making it hard for yourself. Until you do it properly you wont make progress. You just get stuck on the round about.

It had been nearly a month since I had talked with her, and I called her one afternoon the other week. Five days later, she sent me an instant message apologizing "for not getting back to me."

At first, I thought she was ignoring me. That mad me upset, then confused. By the time I finally heard back from her, I realized I didn't really care that much.

I've been thinking about her tonight more than usual, but I still haven't talked to her for more than a few seconds in almost 6 weeks now.

I think when you love someone, truly love them it last forever. I'm one of those types that think true love never dies.

I agree. Heartfelt memories and affection can last for over 45 years.

I agree. Heartfelt memories and affection can last for over 45 years.

See what I mean, 45 yrs isn't forever but it shows that true love stands the test of time.

YOU Don't GET OVER IT YOU JUST GET BETTER AT DEALING WITH IT. Love is for ever. You don't get over love you just get better at dealing with your broken hert

YOU DONT GET OVER IT YOU JUST GET BETTER AT DEALING WITH IT. Love is for ever. you dont get over love you just get better at dealing with your broken hert

I agree that love lasts forever, if our ex's loved us once do you believe they still do?

There will always be a place for them in your heart but it won't be the same as it is now love takes time and also takes time to go away.. so you will overcome this feeling try and keep busy during the days look forward not backwards..

Hello everyone,

I've finally gotten really serious about no contact, although I think it's also partially me finally getting over my ex (will be three months since she broke up with me in a couple days).

That said, I am still saddened by the loss of our friendship, and find myself with strong feelings (love) but a general disinterest in acting on my feelings for my ex.

Once you love someone, will it always be the case that you do, and to what extent does that love still exist?

Thanks.
Time heals all wounds however you never ever forget those that you really love

Yes if your ex truly loved you they always will but that does not mean you are right for each other or that a relationship between you will work. Love from a distance is still love, but you should move on and learn to love another.

Hello everyone,

I seem to go in waves of NC. To be fair to myself, I have gotten increasingly serious, or maybe even just more disinterested in my ex, each time I've "started" NC again.

The longest I have gone without any contact has been 20 or 21 days, though.

I find myself about 1.5 weeks into NC again, and exactly three months since we broke up. I felt like I was doing great until this morning. Then BAM! My ex is just on my mind, and I feel like I want to talk with her.

How do I work through these feelings? I am busier than I have ever been since the breakup, but the urge to talk with her just seems to creep up on me every few weeks.

Thank you.

You are only 10 days into it now.....90 is the baseline for evaluation.
Get a calendar and go 80 days.

Based on what I've read of your posts you need to avoid her at all costs....The contact does not answer questions but brings more...

There is a cool girl who is waiting if you back away. (If there was a question at the breakup that was not covered, you could say that is holding you up. But you have had many "go-backs" so that's not the case.) You need to learn to laugh AND work your way to being with other people/girls...

SO, here's your prescription:

Share these activities if/when you can -
If not, do on your own. But keep your brain OCCUPIED with ANYTHING but her.
Dude, she is going to fade IF YOU LET HER...

Month 1: Rent a movie a night.
Rent fun movies and action movies like: Swingers, and Terminator 2, and Something About Mary, and Old School, Dumb and Dumber and Oceans 11,12, 13 and Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid and when ready for DRAMA: Blade Runner, Seven, and The Usual Suspects... and ask your video guy for the BEST movies when you run out - in that category.

Month 2: Get a Book that is on a subject that has always fascinated you... Read it and find a girl who is interested in it too... Tell her when you meet her that "I was just readng a book on it...." Girls like a brain... Also, be active in this month... Get a trainer you can talk to when you work out... or play a team sport. DON'T ISOLATE. And travel if at all possible - preferably to where the book is about.

Month 3. Same as ABOVE (1,2) But go on at least 3 dates in the month. They can be "day dates" or "friend dates" - with nothing "hot" planned... but retrain your brain to team up again.

After 90 days, you may need to still work, but you should accept that you are REALLY broken up. THEN your brain will help you. Until you really believe, you will fight and regress...

Im trying to do the NC thing at the mo as well, and to be hounest I'm getting exsactly what your getting. Sometimes I'm fine, laughing and joking with my friends and then sometimes and depressed as hell and get serious urges to contact her and say Hi.
But you just got to try and not do it, I know its easier said then done, but its what you got to do. If you chat to her again all those crazy, confused, annoying feelings come back.
As ash said, get some films or books, or even some online games where you get to interact with other people.
Anyway goodluck

Try and think about the negatives of what she did. SHE LEFT YOU! She decided you're NOT WHAT she wants. How does that make you feel? That should make you feel bad. And that should also make you realize that if that is how she feels, WHY DO I WANT TO TALK TO HER!

She will be on your mind. THAT IS NATURAL. Happens to everyone. And I hope this helps because it is harsh, BUT SHE DOES NOT CARE ANYMORE. That should really bother you. She walked out, left you feeling like crap and she's gone.

Would ever want to talk to anyone ELSE who made you feel like that? Use that knowledge anytime you have a moment of weakness.

--Cali

Theoretically, the negatives SHOULD work but I think the intensity of emotion can feel tantamount to love, if it can be achieved at all. And keeps her on the front burner.

... I would push for thinking about OTHER things... Indifference is the goal here. She is occupying a lot of brain space, and it's time to replace the cancer with fresh cells.

Yeah, my point was you won't reach indifference that quickly, that takes time. In the moments of weakness, think of all the reasons NOT TO CALL rather find excuses to call.

Cali is correct as we miss some one so much we only feel the love, and ignore the misery and pain this person has put us through. Remember why your feeling bad,, YOU GOT DUMPED ON YOU BUTT!

Tiodaat
You have done NC on numerous occasions and started to move forward , then you break it and go back to square one again. Ask yourself "Do I want to go back AGAIN" Whenever you have contact again you feel bad so why would you want to go back there? Some people don't have the luxury of going NC as they see their Ex's whether it be through school/work or social occasions , you have the Luxury so please use it. Don't go backwards again! NC from now on so you don't keep going 2 steps forward then 1 step back.

LONELINESS!

This is the #1 reason you feel the need to have contact with her. She is giving you the attention and feelings that you have been longing for since the break up. I recently went through this with my ex-husband after we filed for divorce. I had no feelings for him but yet I still kept in contact with him because I didn't want to feel alone. Time will make this feeling fade and two months doesn't even put a dent in it. Have you tried dating someone since the split?


I have three things to say.

1. Margarita your post is helpful in how my ex is feeling and why she may have contacted me.

2.Margarita you're extremely hot my lady. I would feel lonely if I was away from you too. ;) I would induce cat calls at the present moment but I'm a gentleman above all else. Plus you wouldn't hear them anyway. It's the net my dear.

3. Yeah man you haven't really parted ways with her. You feel a bit needy. I've spent 5 months arduously and vehemently avoiding my ex. Now she has emailed me. I contact her maybe once a week. I don't know what this means but there is no way I am going to compromise my improvement because she feels the need to help her self out. So I'm being highly cautious and rather aloof! It's seemingly the only way even if I could never be with her again to get her to respect me and miss me. You must man up dear boy. Take it easy and back off. She disappears for some time let her contact you.

When you love someone and have spent time with that person its like an addiction to a drug. Your mind gets addicted in ways like the body gets addicted. As you may guess, when you go cold turkey, NC, part of you (could be all of you) will want to get that 'hit' to satisfy the addiction. You will still have that urge to contact her in some way or another, whether its phone, text, online messages. You probably feel good after contacting her and waiting for a response. And when you do get the response, it may not be what you expected and will be trying to analyze it and find some hope there's a chance. It doesn't matter what the other person is doing, you guys aren't together, and if she wanted to be with you she would make the move. Stay strong, and focus on yourself.

Hmmm,
girls are romantic, they value emotions more than guys, and I think if you write a poetic letter telling her that you really love her sincerely, and that everybody faces problems in a relationship,and if you let go, you can find someone else easily, but you do not want to, because she is there. Tell her to take a week's time to think.If she feels the same for you, she will react positively.
But if she has another boyfriend already, that will not make you weak because you already made your point that if she does not want you, there will be others.
I think this is one of the ways where you use your head for the service of your heart.
and of course be prepared for negative results. If it will end, at least you will know for sure.
Take care