Yesterday afternoon I had a missed call from my fwb. He called me but I was working.I returned the call through Facebook and he didn't answer. Later on in the day I am at my second job. It was close to 9 pm.I was on Facebook on the regular home page and I saw him come up. He posted this. Facts, fellas if her conversations is getting shorter with you it's because they are getting longer with someone else. It could be God or Bob. I don't know and it was an emoji of hands up saying I don't know.

Ok so who is Bob? Bob is my other male friend but I haven't seen him in a while.He doesn't know him but I always communicate with him on messenger.I have no clue if it's a connection or what. My co workers ask do he know Bob I said no.

Serious thoughts please that could help.

My thought is that he just chose the name “Bob” randomly. I don’t think you should read so much into this.

Just like you come here with questions, seems he also goes online with questions...about YOU. I have expressed many times the need for communications and end speculations and assumptions you both seem to have. You share bodies, but your minds are on different planets.

Actually I am reading into this because he mention the name of the person that I have also dealt with. I use Bob for the story but that's not the real name. It wasn't no coincidence. He called me from Facebook hours before that. He even said the conversations are shorter or something like if a female not talking to him due to another guy. So why shouldn't I when he mention another male friend of mine name.

what do you mean by that? Don't you find it odd that he said the other guy's name like if that person is taking up the conversation. Previous person said random it's not random. I use Bob for my question for example but that wasn't the name. Even my co workers said that. I didn't get your response in total though.

Honeybun you really don't know what this fellow knows or what he feels but make a lot of assumptions and speculations on what he does. Whether it's concern or just curiosity, matters little to the OBVIOUS lack of honest communications on both your parts. He does exactly the same thing you are doing, expressing your concerns and curiosities to others and not with each other.

A terrible mistake for any couple. You can get OPINIONS and not facts that way. Doubly bad for anyone that familiar with each other for so long. I don't know, maybe the drama is what keeps the fires going with your bodies. Or maybe you both prefer the drama to avoid the fights that come with honest communications, or the hard work that comes with making a relationship work in a healthy way for all involved.

Just speculating. I hope it helps give you thought.

It is speculation but I know that the name he mentioned cannot be.
What you mean I don't know what he knows? Yes maybe this is all fun to me. What else would I have to talk about though. It keeps me going. Just still curious where got that name from? sorry keep asking but just saying period.

thank you

Why don't you ask him what he meant. Nobody here knows. It could be a random name. I think you are wanting someone to say he is jealous and maybe he does care for you. We can't say that because we don't know. Only he knows. Ask him! You might also try telling him how you feel.

Um I am hoping nothing we already know it is because of me. Reasons giving he already tried calling me through Facebook messenger #2 It wasn't a random name It is the name of another person that I have dated #3 I was just with him last week and possibility he have went through my phone.It's no question the post was because of my other male friend. So you replying the way you did don't change that at all. It wasn't random he mentioned my other male friend name on purpose around the same time calling me on Facebook. Don't try to change what you think I was trying to get someone to say. If you look at previous reply I didn't use the correct name for reasons and it wasn't a common name.

thank you very much

So what do you think this is all about?

Not sure but from what my cousin and co workers said. They're thinking he is mad. I was with him last week. I had to run in one of the fast foods to use the bathroom. They are thinking he went through my phone. I am hoping that is not the case.

And so what if he did go through your phone, what do you think it means? You need to ask him, not other people.

What if he did go through your phone. You are fwb,you aren’t exclusive. You would have to ask him what he meant by his post. All we can do is speculate and that can turn out badly if we are wrong.

Well obviously he got the name from my phone and it was the friend of mine he was referring to. The guy himself even said that. What do you mean we are fwb like that excuses him for going through my phone.Married people don't even do that.

You are fwb. Maybe that includes he has freedom with anything with you. If you don't say anything you are excusing that behavior. Ask him if he went through your phone and if he did, not to so it again. This is not complicated

This is true although we all know that is what he did , I don't want to just come out and say I know you went through my phone. He is going to say how I know. I don't even want to acknowledge that post on Facebook.

In 18 years is this the only conflict or huge disagreement you have had? If not how did you handle the conflict? You have said you have been off and on in all those years, so just would like to know why, or what made you drift apart? What got you back together?

Just because you're on again now, maybe it's coming up AGAIN for you to be off AGAIN...for a while certainly longer than a few weeks. I think maybe after all this time one or both of you is taking the other for granted, not unusual in relationships that the partners are not the priority, but an option because of other things in a busy life.

Hard to keep benefits going when maybe the friendship part gets a bit stressful, or strained, and it's never really addressed properly or resolved. Even JUST friends have to put all the cards on the table and clear the air to get beyond resentments, mistrust, or suspicions, or just angry bad feelings toward each other.

Things become rather unhealthy for both if they don't.

I did mention this before I think anyway. We lived in the same apt complex. We were dealing with each other than back in 2001.. He moved in 2005 so that was the reason why we were off. Since that time period I met someone 2006 who I married in 2009 then divorced in 2011. I reconnected back with this guy in 2012. I found him on Facebook and learned he didn't live in the area no more but just right over the bridge.
That's when we hung out and he did the candles and all that we went out to eat with his nephew and son. But since then we go back and forth. Trust part I never went through his phone or anything and I spent plenty of nights at his house.
I think I am in love with him and someone else too . That's another story.

So he was correct in thinking there is someone else even if he had to snoop to corfirm it. No matter how you cut it, this is as toxic as it gets.

He is picking the information out of you.....its what the old people used to do in the South when they didn't know the whole story but they set about getting the information out of the ones they knew KNEW the right story.....they would bait you with pieces of false information and you would correct them with the true information....before long, they would put all the pieces together and they HAD THE STORY!

You are in love with him and think you love someone else? You have way too much drama going on. Instead of trying to figure his feelings out, you need to deal with your own. This is total disfunction.

He is not steady with me. The other guy named that was mentioned in the post. He shows me way more attention.

So why are you stringing this FWB along if what you want is to explore the guy who gives you attention? Where's the honesty in that? You've been playing on both sides of the fence for a long time now it seems and that's not fair. It's not fair either to keep on looking for stuff to make one guy seem better than the other.

I have seen this many times where someone with two choices entertains one person while holding on to an old person they basically keep in the dark until they can decide which they want more. Too bad the FWB doesn't have the balls to cut you loose and get his own act together.

At least now I understand why you cannot have an honest conversation with the long time FWB, because he is your safety man in case this other guy ain't that into you, or it doesn't work out. You need to make a choice playa!

I'm not sure I follow. Pick out what pieces? He went on an open Facebook thread so not sure what you are talking about

The other guy that gives more attention is happily married. I used to see him back in 1991. We got married the same yr 2009 but I got divorced. We always chat he doesn't live any where nearby me. He is about 6 1/2 hours away from me. He is the guy I normally go to for advice. Yet he still likes me to but again he is happily married. I was saying he contacts me more even though he is married we chat all day almost everyday.I'm not stringing anyone. I do have feelings for him too but I cannot have him.

The other guy on the other hand is single but plays many games. He doesn't contact me as nearly as much as the unavailable guy does. That's why that was shocking learning that he would even go through my phone find out my other friend name and make a post about it on Facebook. Why would he even care. But he made a notice of it.

Thank you Honeybun for clearing that up, as frankly you made it seem you had two available guys you were in love with, but I will say again for the miliionth time you and this fellow need some honest communications between you. Your FWB must be pretty confused and desperate to go through your phone, and why would you want to keep him that way by saying nothing?

Sorry I just don't get that.

He has female friends too. We are not a couple though. What you mean even if he had to snoop he isn't my boyfriend. I'm sure if I did the same thing I would find bunch of conversations with other woman. I expect that but i didn't go through his phone. We have no commitment. The fact that it must of bothered or whatever reason for him to make the guy name noticed on Facebook.

I have given my thoughts as this is a very obvious and clear case of failure to honestly communicate simply because the boundaries of good behavior have been crossed, and need to be reestablished. The longer you ignore that FACT, the worse things become.

It does help trust me I take everything that you're saying as something to feed off of. Some things I didn't even think of. I am just confused as to why things happen.You're pretty much telling me he doing the same thing but in a different way.
Not sure what else he does only know of that one thing because of the post which many people liked btw. One person even comment 100% saying it goes both ways.
They don't know why he posted but a lot of them liked the post.

Does it matter what they like on social platforms? He is still putting his personal business out there, of which is about you, so he probably thinks you have another FWB besides him, and may the other fellow better. Rather an immature convoluted assumption in my book, that in my opinion has gone way to far, since he just knows enough to be troubling and skew his behavior as to cross a line that makes for unnecessary drama. I hate unnecessary drama myself, but given all your questions so far, it still comes down to what you will do about it.

If it were me I would just ask you what the facts of the matter are, and you know you have the same options to ask him too what you want to know. Or forget the drama and enjoy the sex when you can get it. I just thought friends with benefits was a more discreet thing between two consenting adults, but this is anything but discreet.

Is that cool?

it's cool but feelings occurring

Well since there are feelings, maybe you should tell him. He will either be ok with it or not care if you have feelings or not.