Hi I'm 20 years old and been at uni for 2 years now. I met some great mates at uni, and 1 imparticular. He has been my mate now for the past 2 years, and over the past 5 months its become more than friends...
I really like him, and have never fallen for a friend before. He told me that he really liked me and from there we texted each other more and more. We've kissed and a bit more, but haven't slept together... here's where the major dilemma comes in though... he has a girlfriend. I don't want him to cheat on her, and he complains all the time to me and our mates about his girlfriend and how he tries to split with her and she gets upset and so they never end up breaking up. I don't know whether his excuse is just an excuse and he wants me as a bit on the side? But I've known him for 2 years and he's not the kind of guy to do that, which is why I'm confused on what to do? Do I tell him that its over unless he breaks up with her, or do I just carry on and hope he does it any way? Or have you any better advice that won't jepordise our friendship... because I wouldn't want to lose him all together.
Thanks for your advice :D

I dont want him to cheat on her

He already has cheated on her!

Shop,
Take a second and think: Why would he leave his girlfriend when he doesn't have to? He stays with his girlfriend and has you on the side.

Your first mistake was making yourself available to someone who is not available to you. It was not only disrespectful to his girlfriend but also shows the lack of respect you have for yourself.

That being said, you are in control here. Give him an ultimatum and let him know that he has to make a choice (unless you want to be the 'other woman'). Trust me, he is not going to leave unless you force him to make a choice. Then you will also get your answer to the question, you asked:
i dont know whether his excuse is just an excuse and he wants me as a bit on the side?
How can you loose a friend by asking them to show you more respect? If you loose him as a friend because you asked him to show you the respect to make you his girlfriend, and not someone to cheat with, then he wasn't much of a friend to begin with, was he?

He is a cheater and taking advantage of your being very naïve. Not the actions of a friend. You are to close to the problem to see this, and even if he breaks up, and you slide in as his g/f, what makes you think he will be loyal to you. What a mess. First back off him, and see the whole forrest. Then leave him alone, and save yourself the heartache of being a mistress or a woman who is cheated on. Not good choices are they?

Thanks for your advice, I know the best thing for me to do is to back off, and hope that I can just be friends, but I'm sure in time everything will be more normal with us. I just don't know how to do it? Do I just act more like a mate and hope he gets the picture... or do I tell him that I don't want to do this and that I think we should just be mates?

Thanks again, I tried to talk to my mates and they think I should tell him to dump her and go out with me... but as you all said once a cheater always a cheater.

i just dont know how to do it? do i just act more like a mate and hope he gets the picture... or do i tell him that i dont want to do this and that i think we should just be mates?.
The best way to let him know... is to tell him! Don't play anymore games. Just be straightforward and honest or you will keep being played.


thanks again, i tried to talk to my mates and they think i should tell him to dump her and go out with me... but as u all said once a cheater always a cheater.
Yes, he is a cheater and you take a huge risk dating a cheater.
Even if you wanted to give him a chance, you should tell him how you feel and then he has to make a decision on HIS OWN, not just do what you tell him to. It has to come from him or later he will resent you for making him do something he may have not wanted to do.