I'm so embarrassed about askin' help about this problem, but I'm going crazy! I'm 22 and my sis is about to be 18. I know for sure that he touches her, and he keeps doing these exhibitionist things in front of her. Like acting as if he is accidentally showing his penis and a lotta other stuff! I have seen him do it many a time. I do not know what to do, I feel helpless and depressed just thinking what my sis would be going through. I cannot tell anyone this, cannot share it with my mother. Can't confront it directly with my dad. Can't ask my sister if it is causing her trouble. Cause I'm not that kind of a guy who is really into talking and stuff. Don't know what to do. My sister herself has never complained to anyone. Nor has she stopped him from doing such stuff. Sometimes I feel she might be okay with it. What should I do? How do I live with this? Please someone help!

Until you talk to your sister about this, you are going to be spinning your wheels and not accomplishing anything.

Is your family open about nudity? -- and this is just the usual way they do things? Are you possibly seeing something that isn't really there?

You need to be the guy that can talk to your own sister. Then you won't have to imagine what she may be going through, or what needs to be done about it.

You talk to your sister. At least open the door by saying "I've been noticing inappropriate things dad is doing. I want to help you any way I can". Very likely she is crying inside that she doesn't have anybody to open up to or afraid nobody will believe her. You saying something can help relieve her embarrassment of speaking up.

You have SEEN him do sexually explicit exhibitionist behaviours, and you say you 'know' that he is sexually abusing her.

What are you waiting for. Confirmation can come later- you need to step up and deal with this, because obviously nobody else is.

NO she is not OK with it. It has probably gone on for years.

I feel sick about this. Please DO something. Go to the police department and tell them what you know. Your mother may not want to get involved, but she IS involved if what you say is going on and she's turning a blind eye. Somebody will and should hold her accountable.

Get your sister information from any women's shelter on sexual abuse- where to go for help, who to contact, how to stay safe, how to get support and legal advice, etc. etc. There is help, and she needs help.

Until you talk to your sister about this, you are going to be spinning your wheels and not accomplishing anything.

Is your family open about nudity? -- and this is just the usual way they do things? Are you possibly seeing something that isn't really there?
THANK YOU.
No, my family is not open about nudity, not at all the usual way they do things, and I'm quite sure this is going on. Actually a hundred percent sure. I am from India, things here are pretty orthodox and stuff, and I don't know if this is normal between father and daughter or is it just wrong?

You have SEEN him do sexually explicit exhibitionist behaviours, and you say you 'know' that he is sexually abusing her.

What are you waiting for. Confirmation can come later- you need to step up and deal with this, because obviously nobody else is.

NO she is not ok with it. It has probably gone on for years.

I feel sick about this. Please DO something. Go to the police department and tell them what you know. Your mother may not want to get involved, but she IS involved if what you say is going on and she's turning a blind eye. Somebody will and should hold her accountable.

Get your sister information from any women's shelter on sexual abuse- where to go for help, who to contact, how to stay safe, how to get support and legal advice, etc. etc. There is help, and she needs help.
THANK YOU.
Im in India, the police here is a joke. I too feel my mom knows and is turning a blind eye. Where should I go for help? Is there a PM thing on this site?

THANK YOU.
Im in India, the police here is a joke. I too feel my mom knows and is turning a blind eye. Where should i go for help? is there a PM thing on this site?

Yes, I see where you are coming from, although 4 were just given death sentences for rape. Maybe things are improving and police are more alert to swifter action and punishment of the guilty.

I would advise you to not do the p.m. thing, and get as many responses as you can that you can read, and read again. Hopefully some of our members from your country, can better advise you of what or where to go.

In the meanwhile, what would happen if you talked to your father? Maybe approached him with other family members?

With this veil of silence, I'm not convinced that your sister will be able to speak for herself without repercussions.

You need to be the guy that can talk to your own sister. Then you won't have to imagine what she may be going thru, or what needs to be done about it.

THANK YOU.
I don't know if I can! I am just too embarrassed to talk about it. Is there any any chance that she might be okay with it?? Coz she is a pretty tough girl and I know that if something was causing her harm or pain she would speak up about it.

Yes, I see where you are coming from, although 4 were just given death sentences for rape. Maybe things are improving and police are more alert to swifter action and punishment of the guilty.

I would advise you to not do the p.m. thing, and get as many responses as you can that you can read, and read again. Hopefully some of our members from your country, can better advise you of what or where to go.

In the meanwhile, what would happen if you talked to your father? Maybe approached him with other family members?

With this veil of silence, I'm not convinced that your sister will be able to speak for herself without repercussions.
I just cannot do that. I can't talk to him directly at all! Another thing is my sister is a pretty tough girl and she will speak up about something if she has a problem with it, and I know that very well. Do you think that maybe, she is okay with it? I don't know I am feeling so confused and sick, gosh this is the first time I have talked about it to someone. I feel a little better. Thanks once again.

IF she is OK with it its only because she has conditioned herself to be tough. That does not make it OK.

IF she is ok with it its only because she has conditioned herself to be tough. That does not make it ok.

Okay I see , like bred in this way? I know this has been happening since she was very very young. He did this kind of stuff to me too when I was very young.

Unfortunately, in some parts (many parts?) of India, women and girls are considered men's property. Men and boys rule the household, and women are nothing and can be used as amusement or be beaten or whatever. That may be part of the problem.

Do you think he is sexually abusing her?

Can you describe the actual touching, both of you when you were young, and of her?

You need to talk to her first. Then confront him

He did this kinda stuff to me too when i was very young.
He touched or fondled you? Sexually abused you?

You drive yourself crazy assuming and presuming so if you cannot talk to her directly of your concerns then you are at an impasse. Overcome your inability to get facts from the source or you can help no one, not even yourself.

Make decision my friend. Based on FACTS, and not just confused muddled feelings. Then follow through.

Can you describe the actual touching, both of you when you were young, and of her?

When I'm just out of bed in a very sleepy state he used to stoke my hard on, and the same with my sister, he touched her between her legs when she was in deep sleep. This is when we were young. Now it's like he does crazy unthinkable stuff !

If you know she was sexually abused when you were both young, she will know you were too. Use that as a jumping off point for talking with her. Like Tal said, she is the one you need to go to -- as the abused person and as your dear sister who knows the whole story and who won't lie to you.

Unfortunately, in some parts (many parts?) of India, women and girls are considered men's property. Men and boys rule the household, and women are nothing and can be used as amusement or be beaten or whatever. That may be part of the problem.

Do you think he is sexually abusing her?

Yes in some backward places in The Country it is like that, but in my family my mom is the man of the house and she runs the show . In my house it is not like that. I think he is.

If you know she was sexually abused when you were both young, she will know you were too. Use that as a jumping off point for talking with her. Like Tal said, she is the one you need to go to -- as the abused person and as your dear sister who knows the whole story and who won't lie to you.

WOW WOW, YES! That is it! Thanks a lot!

WOW WOW, YES! that is it!! thanks a lot!
And Indian children are taught to respect and honor their parents, especially their fathers, so if their fathers do something that makes them uncomfortable, they immediately tell themselves, "Hey, it's my FATHER. He would not hurt me. He loves me," and so they accept it and go along with it and then it becomes a habit, a normal thing.

How would she know her brother was sexually abused too? Some men will only do that with daughters rather than both sexes.

How would she know her brother was sexually abused too? Some men will only do that with daughters rather than both sexes.
And how did he know she was? The two shared a room or even a bed? They told each other?

He said his dad abused him (and her).

He said he has seen him do inappropriate things. Maybe he was in the kitchen and noticed him in the living room. He talks like his sister is not aware he knows. Also him being 4 years older, many pedophile types have an age cut off and move from the older to the younger.

He said he has seen him do inappropriate things. Maybe he was in the kitchen and noticed him in the living room. He talks like his sister is not aware he knows. Also him being 4 years older, many pedophile types have an age cut off and move from the older to the younger.
He said earlier -- "When im just outta bed in a very sleepy state he used to stoke my hard on, and the same with my sister, he touched her between her legs when she was in deep sleep. This is when we were young. Now it's like he does crazy unthinkable stuff !"

Oh, I missed that reply. I still say he needs to talk with his sister and then confront dad.

Son, if you were abused, and now your sister, there is little choice but to find the courage to talk with your sister and share your story. There seems to be much to share.

If you know it is happening to your sister, and you do nothing, it is as bad as being part of it. Sorry but you have a moral obligatoin to protect your sister even if you have to cause conflict.

I hope the OP comes back to update us. I agree with most of the posts here, I urge you to confront your father, or go to some sort of authority. If your mother is the "man" of the house, go to her! Go to an aunt, and uncle a cousin, your grandparents... ANYONE! Please tell someone and have this stopped. Sexual abuse ruins a child's life!

Sorry, but saying that you're 'not the type of person who discusses things' is a poor excuse. You can't just sit there and let it happen because you're the quiet type. Of course she isn't complaining-- she's probably traumatized! No one who goes through something like that 'complains' about it. You need to take her aside and talk to her, because I highly doubt she is comfortable with what your father is doing.

Nobody "accidentally" shows their penis, first of all. I'm almost 50 and have never seen my dad naked. He hasn't seen me naked since I was a baby. This is not normal, and you were raised with discomfort talking about these things for a reason. Your father us a sexual predator - your mother is willing to live with this predator whether she sees no way out, is afraid of shaming the family with divorce, financial dependence, or perhaps she is afraid if him. Your sister is not OK with this. She just doesn't know what to do,

I think you should take her away from the house to talk privately. Tell her "I know what Dad is doing. I want to help you." Look into options first. Is there a shelter you can take her to? Could she move out of the house? Will a church help her? She needs to get out.

When you marry and have kids, do not allow your parents to be alone with them. Ever. Mom may not be an abuser but she is complicit in the abuse, which is just as dangerous. Yes, break the silence. The silence is dangerous. Your sister needs to hear her brother say, " you are too good to be disrespected and violated this way. It's wrong and I will start protecting you". In your culture, I think an older brother could do a lot to make up for a bad father.