Looking back at your past can be a good thing but dwelling on mistakes and misfortunes too much is a misfortune in itself.

Yes seems like people keep bringing her up, then I'll answer their question then complain later that I keep talking about her which I trying not to do. But I did tell my dad never to bring her name up again and I will do to the rest of my friends. I probably got upset because my dad said if we get back together she will never be welcomed in his house again. But I just hurt sometimes, I mean when I'm alone I think of her a little bit then I'll drift back and forth of thinking of her. But when I'm out with friends I don't think of her at all. Do you think it's to soon to start dating. My dad didn't say she was with someone but that poped up in my mind maybe because I thought the new guy was with her and her son.

Its all vicious circle mate..

People can see you are still hung up on her even though you are trying not to be and thereby instigating conversation about her. They can see what you are feeling and don't realise that what you need is not to reminisce. It is however an aura you will give off for a while even without realising it. When you truly let go, this aura will fade a little.

You will get there.. It takes a while.

I am at seven months now and I still think about my ex a lot. I have dreams about her now and again, wonder now I have gone no contact, will she ring me, is she with anyone bla bla. I feel lonely a lot of the time but I keep busy and I am looking good, I have a good new job + final year of uni coming up. I do lots of sports and see my friends a lot and I feel finally that I am getting back to myself. No more anxiety etc.

I agree with everyone's comments above, Its going to take time. Probably over a year it seems for us both but one day people will no longer talk about her, you will find at one point you have not thought about her all week! Then that will grow longer and longer. I got over someone I 'loved', took me about a year or so but I still think of them a few times in the week, wonder how they are doing etc.

Does sound like you have improved a lot but you have a way to go yet! There is no need to cry! Life is what you make it, so make it work for you and get happy, real happy, GO CLIMB a mountain lol, do something crazy! Anyway let go keep busy.

Chuff, Never felt sad or depressed for hour a day but was thoew out my 20's I wasn't sad but felt scared and lonely that I wouldn't never meet someone and have a relationship with. I was very picky of girls. But now again I have those same feeling like before. But I do see now that I will be happier without her.

Read that over again.

I think you and I read that very differently. And I think you read it and say it and think it the wrong way.

You said through out your 20's you were picky and scared of being lonely. Well not only will those two emotions work against one another but they also say something about you that I don't think you give yourself enough credit for if you give yourself credit at all.

You are picky, which although you might be too picky it says a lot about you in that you won't just accept any one. They must meet a certain standard that you have. Most guys, and sadly including me, are just happy to get a girl to smile at them. You hold yourself to a different level and I think that says something about your confidence in that you won't accept just anybody.

Somehow I don't think you see it that way. I think you say your picky then beat yourself up for being lonely. Well instead of being lonely be happy and confident that you don't need someone to make you happy.

Also I get the impression that during your 20's you may have been afraid to get into a relationship for whatever reason. But don't you see, you've done it, and you've got out with some pain, but you've worked through that and your getting better by the day. My point is that you've grown as a person and you've learned (even if you didn't think of it as learning) that you can not only be in a relationship but you can deal with the end of it and come out the better and stronger person.

There are so many positives that come from that little bit you wrote and I just get the feeling your either ignoring them or not seeing them but you've got to give yourself some credit and realize and see that your stronger then you want to accept.

I think you say your picky then beat yourself up for being lonely. Well instead of being lonely be happy and confident that you don't need someone to make you happy.

Yes, I did do this until I met my ex when I was 29. And I was very picky with her. In fact at first I didn't even want to date her. She persude me like the wind and then I fell in love with her about 5 months later. And after reading what you said over and over now that I think of it I don't need somebody to make me happy I was happy and single before I met her, but lonely without the companionship of a woman.


Also I get the impression that during your 20's you may have been afraid to get into a relationship for whatever reason.

And yes you are correct again, I didn't really want to get into a relationship. I think in those private e-mails we were discussing a while back, I said because I just wanted to party and have a good time. Now after reading your answer over and over I can honestly say I was scared to get into a relationship because I was scared of being hurt and seeing every other couple fighting all the time.

But is this natural to start drifting backwards I was fine for about 3 weeks and now it seems like missing her again which hasn't bothered me, I mean I DON'T want her back , I will never speak to her again and I can see her for what she is (A selfish user) and if we would have gotten married I would have been sooo miserable with her. Knowing this why can't I completely let go of her. I have let go, but I don't think I have fully let go of her. Is my subconsious telling not to because since she has broken up with me so many times that she may come back again. Because deep down I feel one day she will try to be part of my life.

And yes you are correct again, I didn't really want to get into a relationship. I think in those private e-mails we were discussing a while back, I said because I just wanted to party and have a good time. Now after reading your answer over and over I can honestly say I was scared to get into a relationship because I was scared of being hurt and seeing every other couple fighting all the time.


I don't think I was clear in my last post. As I read it back it doesn't exactly read the way I was thinking. What I was trying to express was that you had this fear of being hurt which may have stopped you from getting involved or pursuing some people while at the same time not settling for just any one. You had the confidence to know that you were worth more then just any one but you also didn't want to get hurt.

While what I'm saying now is you still have the confidence of not needing to just be with anybody as you have stuck to your standards and core beliefs. But you have also now experienced being dumped, dealing with the loss, and overcoming the situation. Now you have the previous confidence and the GAINED experience of knowing that you can deal with a relationship and the loss and still live through it and be okay and comfortable with yourself.

So now you are in an even better position as you have stuck by your true core beliefs but gained experience and can deal with a loss (if one should occur in the future) and know that in the end you will be okay and capable of moving forward.

I haven't posted in awhile but for those who remember my my story last year, I would like to let every one that helped me get through probably the worst time of my life getting over my ex fiancé that I am doing great. I took me a little over a 1 year and 4 months to really get over her and want to thank all those who helped me. And I realize what a piece of garbage she really was. Thanks

Congrats man! Keep it up

Sometimes when you have your first love it's a special memory. Kind of like your first bike ride without the training wheels or losing your first tooth. You don't want to lose this memory because its special to you. Don't worry though because unlike these memories, this one WILL happen again

Poop or get off the pot, your going to drive your damn self crazy.. or you already have... You need to pull a braveheart type final stand, or get your butt moving onto something bigger and better.. Your obviously still VERY upset about this.. if your still searching for answers.. If you don't have the strength to tell her you want her back and take a crushing blow which starts the cycle all over again.. then pick up, move out, and become YOU again.

I'm not quite sure where to put this question and I wasn't going to post it but, it seems like I have been waking up then realizing I have been dreaming of my ex fiancé more frequently. It has been 2 years since our break up and it's been 9-10 months since I had a ton of dreams of her. Why now after this long of time am I dreaming again of her. And it's pretty much the same type of dream but different scenerio's. So why am I dreaming of her again.

Because you miss her. Have you dated since your break-up?

Because you miss her. Have you dated since your break-up.
I dated 2 women for about a total of 6 weeks each. And was seeing another women that we kind of dated for about a year. We are still friends. But my dreams are mostly of me seeing ex and hiding from her so she don't see me. And me trying to see what she looks like now. And you may be rite there are some days I do miss her but I don't know why for what she did and how she treated me.

I've been having dreams about my ex too. It sucks...

Maybe it is you longing for the old relationship you had with her. You may still be keeping her on a pedestal. Has she some how crept back in your life?

No, the last time we saw each other was we were driving and we both were at same stop intersection. But that was a 1 1/2 ago.

Maybe they are deep memories of her finally leaving your brain. The brain has a way to desensitize itself to painful things. This maybe the case.

It could be a number of reasons. Yes, they might bring up old feelings, but keep in mind that they're not reality; they're just dreams and nothing more.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. :)

I get the same thing sometimes, as the little cutie from the 6th grade haunts me, and she still is wearing the same pony tail she had back then. Strange, but normal. It will pass.

Tal, not sure if dreams like that are normal ha ha! JK!

This is all normal, everyone dreams of an ex every once in awhile, it will pass and you will feel foolish for thinking it was a big deal.

Lately I've been thinking about my ex and for how she treated me and all the evil things she did before and after she broke up with me. (And sometimes the good times, but not all the time). I do not want that piece of crap back, but when I'm by myself, usually when I'm driving or nothing to do I think about it. It's been about 28 months since the breakup but about 20 months since she stopped playing with my head and me letting go of her and pain going away. I think about it and my blood starts to boil about how she used me, always yelling at me , cutting me down, lied to to me, not giving back very expensive engagement ring, taking money for boobs then when she gets them breaking up with me ( I did see them for 2 seconds thou... LOL ), all the evil things she did before and after break up and me finding out last year she was seeing someone else when we were together. I am happy she broke up with me because, as TAL would say the emotional dust settled and I realized what garbage I was engaged too, but how do I stop thinking about her and me getting pissed about it. Last year I was fine but all of a sudden I'm thinking about it more. Does this mean I subconsciously want her back or what.

No, it just means you had a lapse. Everyone has it sometimes

Its obvious you are still not over her completely yet even though its been a while now. Try to stop thinking about her by keeping yourself busy, go out with friends and eventually the anger will go away.

It's been gradually getting worse every day and it's been about 5 months when I started think more about it everyday.

Its obvious you are still not over her completely yet even though its been a while now. Try to stop thinking about her by keeping yourself busy, go out with friends and eventually the anger will go away.It only happens when I'm driving by myself, I'm usually pretty busy doing things.

It's been gradually getting worse every day and it's been about 5 months when I started think more about it everyday.

Then stop. Do you have nothing to do but sit around all day at home? Because that's when people start to think.

Become more attractive to other people. Make it your goal. Start studying to increase knowledge, go to the gym to work out to look better, go for jogs to keep in shape, get new clothes to style better, get a new haircut, work on a hobby like music, arts or whatever and then you will attract better people into your life.

Its obvious you are still not over her completely yet even though its been a while now. Try to stop thinking about her by keeping yourself busy, go out with friends and eventually the anger will go away. I'm usually always busy, it's usually when I'm driving by myself or when I go to sleep by myself.. LOL.

Thoughts are thoughts. They only become destructive when they control your actions. Sometimes stuff bothers us more than other times. It has nothing to do with you wanting her back, it just means you have more time to go.

It only happens when I'm driving by myself, I'm usually pretty busy doing things.

Oh okay. How about the radio and sing along? Ask a friend to come along? Make your favourite mix cd and listen to that?

First of all, stop trying to control your emotions. Accept them, recognize them, and then deal with them through positive actions.

Stressed? Take up a sport like baseball, tennis, or racquetball so that you can beat the tar out of something and be rewarded instead of punished.

Emotionally hurting? Go buy a cheap keyboard or guitar and learn a few notes, or try some arts and crafts to build up your creativity and gain a sense of accomplishment.

Just completely drained? Find a spiritual outlet to draw support from (no denomination or structured religion is necessary; use the clarity of your emptiness to better focus on your higher consciousness).

You are not going to stop thinking about her, because you cannot control your thoughts. Even with mind-altering medication you will still think about that which is unpleasant to you. All you can control is your actions, and if you utilize your emotional energy constructively it will benefit you and those around you.

~ Tee

I think it may I'm not seeing someone, I was seeing someone last year for about 6 weeks and didn't think about ex at all. And yes I have excepted my emotions for what they are I'm just tired of thinking about it. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this but I probably wouldn't be thinking like this if I knew the new guy was treating her like she treated me I probably wouldn't care. I guess I'm just venting off a little steam from the past year.

SAB, sometimes it's quite funny for me finding out how many people have been going through the same situation I am. My ex fiancé also dumped me for stupid reasons, and exactly as your ex did, it took me quite a while to have the engagement ring back. She's still playing stupid games with my mind, you can read my thread here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/both-too-proud-make-first-move-352627.html

See how I -progressively- moved from depressed to grateful about my break up.

Some more extra info: my break up happened 1.5 month ago, last night was the first night out for me, and I realized that there IS life out there for me, for you, for everyone. We don't deserve garbages like our fiancés.. They are the ones that lost special guys.. Their loss, not ours..

As hard as it may sound, explore the world that is waiting for you out there.. It's fascinating.. 1 month ago I was crying over my break up, now I'm GLAD I broke up.. I'm even embarrassed with myself that I was once attached to a garbage girl like my fiancée.

Hang in there guy, you just need more time.

At least you were smart enough to come here, instead of act on impulses you may regret later. That's some progress.

I do remember how bad you were, LOL!!

I do remember how bad you were, LOL!!!

Hahaha, do you? I do, as well! That's why I'm laughing, haha! I really don't need any more time talaniman.. To be honest, yesterday I had some doubts about going out having fun.. I thought it was wrong, as every dumpee does, at first.. But, I knew it would help me.. And, it did! That's it, I had the time of my life yesterday, and I somehow became addicted to it.. I want to go out again, asap..

So, please SAB, give yourself sometimes to heal.. However, consider carefully to begin doing things for YOU.. No matter how boring it sounds, go out have fun with your friends. This is a must. When I first broke up, I imagined myself flirting with other women, and I wanted to puke.. Yesterday, I did flirt, and felt wonderful.. We are singles again, pal...

OOps! I was referring to SAB, tree. That's why I was laughing.

Lol.. hilarious

I've been in you're situation, and honestly, I'd love to say that there's a miracle cure, but really, it means that you're not still into her, but you still have feelings for her (as in, if she ended up dating a friend of yours, you'd be pissed) but just give it time, and LOTS of chocolate! :)

I think I am healed as far as I'm going to be?Plus I know I am fine, it doesn't hurt inside no more it just pee's me off sometimes. I mean I will never speak to her again or if I see her I won't look at her. Which I have done already. What I would like to do is flip her the bird... LOL

SAB, sometimes it's quite funny for me finding out how many people have been going through the exact same situation I am.
tree I have read most of your post and you sound like me... LOL, Here's one of my 14 post I started and B-S I went through.


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ex-fiance-coming-back-again-74347.html

SAB, I think that she's in your head because you're still angry.

At some level, she made you feel disempowered and inadequate and it's this sense of powerlessness and rage, about what happened between you, that's being replayed in your mind.

I disagree with Tee, I do believe that it is possible to control your thoughts. You are not your thoughts and it is possible to control them because you are able to observe them. This is one of the principles of meditation.

I would suggest that what you need to do is observe these thoughts of rage and anger when you have them, and try to treat them dispassionately. As Tee does wisely say, it's about accepting your emotions and thoughts rather than rejecting them.

The anger is coming up for a reason. Feel it, observe it, tell yourself that it no longer serves you then put it away.

With practice it works.