I've been dating this girl for about 5 yrs. I met her when I was 29 and she was 36. I took thing very slow to make sure she was the one.In the 5 yrs I have broken up with her twice and she has broken up with me at least 5-6 time she wanted to get married rite away I wanted to buy a house by myself to see what it was like to live on my own. That pissed her off and has been an roller coaster ride since then. When we where together I did a lot for her and her son.We didn't spend a lot of time together but we love each other very much.I do know she didn't cheat on me.But all the times she broke up and came back she said she was miserable without me and like wise with me.And her son talked about me when we were broken up and he missed me.I did make her mad sometimes.I bought a ring for her last march but gave it to her in August 2006. At this time I was going threw some very series back problems (in pain Alot) and worried about slowing down at work. So I wasn't jumping up and down when a proposed to her. She did like to spend money and didn't do a lot for me because of the house.But she is very good person. The first break up I did say some bad things about her to my friends and some don't like her because of that and her breaking up with me a lot. I spent a lot of money on the ring and gave her $2000.00 for new boobs in Jan. We got in a huge fight a couple of days after she got them done.It's been about six weeks since we e-mailed each other. In the email she said I broke up with her witch is not true. Then with some other excuses for breaking up with me she said I never loved her If I did I woud have been excited about the wedding planning the future telling my friend rite away that we got engaged I told them As I saw them.Her ex husband cheated on her and did a lot of thing to hurt her. But also told me That she was worried about him because he was a drug addict and was scared that he was going to die. She also said in one of the e-mails she loved me more then her Ex husband.She refuse to give the ring back and found out a couple of days ago from my sisters from what my ex's mom told them is she feels that we will be getting back together and I saw her mom about 3 weeks ago that she just comes home from work and lays around. She is a very busy person when she's happy. I guess what my question is she coming back and is she using the ring as away to control me. I love this woman and her son very much. I do know she loves me very much. She also said in e-mail I don't think we can give each other what we want. Even after all the break ups I can't get her out of my mind. I did talk to a free psychic and she believes we will be getting back together. She did say a lot about ex that was true.I just need to know that's why I called. But I guess until she does come back then I will believe it. She signed up for match.com about 3 weeks after she broke up with me. Then I signed up about 3 weeks after her not really to find somebody but to let her read and see my profile. After she saw it it took her about a week to go back on.And believe it or not what we are looking for in a person from are profiles are same. I don't know if anybody believe in the signs when you are born but she is a Aries and I am a virgo and are personalities from what they say on them are 95% accurate. She did say once its not if I could live with you rather If I could live without you. So if some one can give me some advise or if you think she will be back again.Because I do want her back again?

As far as the ring goes, I do think she's using it to control you. I think you should demand it back or sue her for the cost of the ring. You gave that to her in exchange for her hand in marriage and she didn't come through.

Second, I can't exactly tell you what's going on in her head but she obviously goes from high to low and back again. It just seems like she can't make a complete decision I guess I don't see how you can stay with someone who wants you then doesn't then does.

I realize you want her back so the only thing I would suggest is quit talking to her for a period and see if she contacts you but don't wait forever on her.

Whew what a lot to think about. I am unclear how long you've been broken up and can only guess about 6 weeks, and she hasn't talked to you since. If this is the case then you should get your ring back, and leave her alone and move on. The rest is drama and let me guess, not enough communication or you were not very good at it. After 5 years , you should almost be able to read her mind in my opinion. Some body has issues they need to resolve.

It was her birthday Fri 23 and I e-mailed her and was joking around with me and we e-mailed each oyher back today. But no answer about gettingt back she said thanks for caring about her and her son.

Hello, I read your question. I also read your private message to me about the same situation.

First I would like to ask how old are you and how old is she?

In what you have written there sounds to be a lot of immaturity. Immaturity and wanting to be physically enhanced. Wanting to have someone that is physically appealing especially somebody with money.

You do understand that the relationship you talk about does not sound like a relationship. For me it sounds like something that is convenient for her and her son. Your being used to be able to take care of her and her son.

Her obsession with looks, boobs and money worries me a whole lot.

Your reacting to everything she says and does and even you admit you do not spend quality time together so that tells me that the relationship is not that strong. You might know of her for the past five years but it does not seem like it has lots of substance.

The immaturity is not just her problem from the sounds of it but you are lacking maturity as well. You my friend are out seeking advice from pychics. Pychics may or may not be real. I do believe there are some that have gifts but just my personal feelings and thoughts from what is written by you is that it is OVER. That there needs to be an end to the madness that both you and her have been giving each other.

Another thing is basing your relationship on a compatibility through horoscopes. I have to admit at the beginning my wife and myself looked at that stuff, also else where. It was immature of us. We should know and of course we learned that we base it on how we treat each other, we base it on communication and love with each other. We base it on being best friends with each other. That we can not control everything. That all we should do is enjoy our time together and grow with each other. Not worry so much about the future which we can not predict. Just take each day, at a time as it comes.

There are paths in lives we all have to chose for ourselves. DO NOT BASE IT ON PYCHICS, OR ASTROLOGY.

You need to base it on what makes you happy, what you think is best for yourself. Decisions that you have to make for yourself. You can not base it on others, you can definitely get opinions of others and thoughts. It stops there.

THE FINAL STEP, WHETHER YOU DECIDE IT IS OVER OR NOT. DO NOT BASE YOUR WHOLE LIFE ON WHETHER SHE WANTS TO COME BACK TO YOU OR NOT.

YOU NEED TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. YOU NEED TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF TO ALLOW THIS OR NOT ALLOW THIS. TO MOVE ON OR NOT TO MOVE ON.

MY Opinion,

Is that this will always be a problem. Your always going to go through turmoil. This should be used as a learning lesson. That it is not worth going back and forth. Hoping for somebody to come back that are just playing head games with you and your falling for every single one of them.

Stop tormenting yourself and let this person go for good. That is my advice.

Joe

I've been doing a lot of thinking and you and every one is rite about this. I don't want to admit this but I always felt she called or came over to my house when she wanted something or something done. I AM going to let her go for good now and move on. It sounds silly but I still do love her and miss her and can't stop thinking about her but time will heel this 5 year roller coaster ride. And our age s are, she just turned 41 last week and I will be 35 in August.

You can not just stop feeling love. You have that feeling and it does not sound silly. Roller coaster rides, some of them turn out to be worth it. There is always ups and downs but this person was treating you like a door mat. You were only good to her as long as you bought everything for her and took care of her son. So I would say you are better off. Age does not matter. You, one day will find somebody that is more down to earth and less about physical and money.

Best wishes to you.

Joe

You can not just stop feeling love. You have that feeling and it does not sound silly. Roller coaster rides, some of them turn out to be worth it. There is always ups and downs but this person was treating you like a door mat. You were only good to her as long as you bought everything for her and took care of her son. So I would say you are better off. Age does not matter. You, one day will find somebody that is more down to earth and less about physical and money.

Best wishes to you.

Joe


March 27 I stopped e-mailing her. But did leave her a message that her son was 7 year old son was at school and no one there to pick him up and for her to call someone to pick him up. And I didn't want to because I don't want to give him the wrong idea and said Bye. I said it fast and to the point. I recevied an e-mail say thanks for looking out for him and wanted to have me drop off her sons bed to her. I told her that would be find and let me know when you and her son would not be their so I could drop it off. I just hope she's not up to her old tricks again. She could have have her sons 19 yr old step brother call. But when she does replay back. I have written a email saying I will always love you but I am moving on and to leave me alone for ever. I was doing so good today not missing her and then she emails me. I know this is for the best but now It's like I'm back at square one again. And this is how she got her foot back into my life.

Make sure she gets all her stuff back and move forward.

Make sure she gets all her stuff back and move forward.


I just e-mailed her and said just that. I want to say thank you for your help I was upset all day today because she did e-mail me and I feel a lot better now! Noing there are people out their who care. Thank you my friend. And I will keep you informed on the hole situation.

I just e-mailed her and said just that. I want to say thank you for your help I was upset all day today because she did e-mail me and I feel alot better now! Noing their are people out their who care. Thank you my friend. And I will keep you informed on the hole situation.

Do you have any friends that you have talked to about this? Have they been any help?
It's a difficult situation from the sounds of it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that time heals your wounds, and that you find the right one.

Do you have any friends that you have talked to about this? Have they been any help?
It's a difficult situation from the sounds of it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that time heals your wounds, and that you find the right one.

My friends are sick of the hole situation and can't really talk about with them because she breaks up with me and I still keep taking her back. Not this time. And on the email I sent this last week I told her I didn't want to ever see her or son again. And I couldn't hang out with her son in the future. Because I wasn't going to hang out while she out with a boyfriend or showing off boobs trying to pick up guys. So the nice guy I am I drop off bed etc and their is another guy there. I was so upset that she would do that noing I was going to be there at noon. I did see the guy and I know it he wasn't her type but the fact she had him their hurts. But in a way it really shows me what type of person she really was.

My friends are sick of the kole situation and can't really talk about with them because she breaks up with me and I still keep takeimg her back. Not this time. And on the email I sent this last week I told her I didn't want to ever see her or son again. And I couldn't hang out with her son in the future. Brcause I wasn't going to hang out while she out with a boyfriend or skowing off boobs trying to pick up guys. So the nice guy I am I drop off bed etc and thier is another guy there. I was so upset that she would do that noing I was going to be there at noon. I did see the guy and I know it he wasn't her type but the fact she had if their hurts. But in a way it realy shows me what type of person she really was.

Exactly, it shows exactly what type of person she is. It is better you see that now and you have taken the steps of not being stooped again.

Best wishes.

Joe

My friends are sick of the kole situation and can't really talk about with them because she breaks up with me and I still keep takeimg her back. Not this time. And on the email I sent this last week I told her I didn't want to ever see her or son again. And I couldn't hang out with her son in the future. Brcause I wasn't going to hang out while she out with a boyfriend or skowing off boobs trying to pick up guys. So the nice guy I am I drop off bed etc and thier is another guy there. I was so upset that she would do that noing I was going to be there at noon. I did see the guy and I know it he wasn't her type but the fact she had if their hurts. But in a way it realy shows me what type of person she really was.
I really feel for you, I go through the same things, only I'm the girl... my friends are so sick of hearing about it and seeing it... its hard to think they can do these things to you. They are such selfish people.
There has been no contact for me for about 2 weeks now, its hard but you have to really ask yourself why you would let someone treat you like that... dont contact her at all, too much stress... gd luck

i really feel for you, i go through the same things, only im the girl... my friends are so sick of hearing about it and seeing it...its hard to think they can do these things to you. they are such selfish people.
there has been no contact for me for about 2 weeks now, its hard but you have to really ask yourself why you would let someone treat you like that...dont contact her at all, to much stress...gd luck


Thanks for your support. My Ex was bosey, aways talking about money, aways yelling at me, hate to here no for answer and thinking about it now the most selfish person I ever met and I think she did 6 things for me the hole 5 years. I'm not missing her as much now,maybe because she broke up with me so many times. But I'm more hurt know because I realize how evil she is. I'm think of the future now and one day new girl friend and if/when she comes back to see me happy without her. Just to show you what type of person she was to me. Last July had a foot drop and found out I have 5 disks out on lower back and 4 on top (very seroius problems) When I told her that she said well who's going to mow my lawn now. Till this day I'm very hurt she said that.

Thanks for your support. My Ex was bosey, aways talking about money, most of the time yelling/complaining at me, didn't like here no for an answer and thinking about it now the most selfish person I ever met and I think she did 6 things for me the hole 5 years. I'm not missing her as much now,maybe because she broke up with me so many times. But I'm more hurt know because I realize how evil she is. I'm think of the future now and one day new girl friend and if/when she comes back to see me happy without her. Just to show you what type of person she was to me. Last July had a foot drop and found out I have 5 disks out on lower back and 4 on top (very seroius problems) When I told her that she said well who's going to mow my lawn now. Till this day I'm very hurt she said that.
Yeah its always about them!! always.. I can see that now more so that I'm looking in the window, try not to think about the things she has said, it will make you crazy.. I it does it to me.
I think I hold the record for getting back and fourth with my ex, only he says he's commitment phobic, yet we were married to.. lol.. its all about them and how they are feeling that day. That's not worth it, id rather be single...

Everyone told me she was using me even her sons dad. (She didn't have her son with her husband) I just didn't want to here it from anybody because I did love her and her son. I guess love is blind to some people and I do know one day she will be calling or trying to find out where I'm living when I sell my house. She live 8 blocks from me. She was very forgetful of things and I always thought every break up she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she getting signs of mental problems/Bi polar. Her mom is taking medication for mental problems

Everyone told me she was using me even her sons dad. (She didn't have her son with her husband) I just didn't want to here it from anybody because I did love her and her son. I guess love is blind to some people and I do know one day she will be calling or trying to find out where I'm living when I sell my house. She live 8 blocks from me. She was very forgetful of things and I always thought every break up she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she getting signs of mental problems/Bi polar. Her mom is taking medication for mental problems
So funny, my ex lives about 10 houses up from my business, that's why it so easy for him to come around and see me when he thinks he loves me again and can't live without me...

Of course she will be back, one way or another, they are so selfish though, they come back for the wrong reasons... if and when she does I hope its for real for u, if it isn't I so hope u are moved on. Its so hard no matter what happens. That's why I love this site, I came on it by accident, it helps a lot... ( :

For anyone who would like to read my private messages that I have sent to Jesushelper and Talaniman to help them in their recovery.
Please let me know and I will send them to anybody who would like to know rest of this very hurtful, realalistic story.( It may help you if you are going through same thing) Thanks everyone.

Is it normal to start getting upset and thinking more about her son then her. Does this mean I'm starting to get over her. And I don't know if I will ever stop thinking about them but how will I know when to start dating someone again. Will the first girl always be a rebound. Because I'm the type of person who doesn't want to hurt a person feelings. Maybe that why I always took her back. But I can say one thing NO one will ever treat me like that ever again.(Myoriginal Post is my Ex Fiancé coming Back Again)

Is it normal to start getting upset and thinking more about her son then her.

I am not sure I understand this question. Why do you get upset? Because you worry about her son?

How long has it been since you broke up with your fiancé? If you feel like you are still not "over her", then I don't advice getting into a new relationship. But, this does not mean that you shouldn't meet new people. Keep it light and have fun. Take the time to straighten yourself up and heal from the break up.

No, the next girl doesn't necessarily have to be a rebound as long as you've taken all the time you need to heal and become mentally and emotionally ready to be available to another person. Make sure you do not get involved with someone until you are a stronger and wiser man from the experience with your fiancé.

For anyone who would like to read my private messages that I have sent to Jesushelper and Talaniman to help them in their recovery.
Please let me know and I will send them to anybody who would like to know rest of this very hurtful, realalistic story.( It may help you if you are going thru same thing) Thanks everyone.
Yeah, that would be great... if u don't mind.thanks

SAB, maybe posting them on your thread would help.

Is it normal to start getting upset and thinking more about her son then her. Does this mean I'm starting to get over her. )

My ex of 3 years had a daughter and I know after the break up I really missed her just as much as my ex. The reality was I loved her daughter and when the break up happened I was kind of left without either one of them. I think what your experiencing is the normal part of loss and shock in your life. Someone that was there for a period is no longer there.


And I don't know if I will ever stop thinking about them but how will I know when to start dating someone again. Will the first girl always be a rebound.

Trust me, I was the same way, thinking I would never get over them but then life starts to happen and one thing leads to another and you start thinking less and less. Then the only time you think of them is when you have to because it's brought up, like I am because of this question. But as I type it out the pain is long gone and it doesn't hurt like your hurting. You just have to give it time.


Because I'm the type of person who doesn't want to hurt a person feelings. Maybe that why I always took her back. But I can say one thing NO one will ever treat me like that ever again.(Myoriginal Post is my Ex Fiance coming Back Again)

Good, learn from you errors and don't repeat them. You'll do just fine.

After about 6 weeks I emailed her wishing her a happy B-day. Then we pretty muched emailed each other all day Fri and Mon. We were joking around like we used to when we were togther. Then I called her at work. We talked then she mentioned her x husband and his friend stopped over to do something for her. As he was leaving she said what do you think of my boob job. He said they were fine the way they used to be. Then she said she lifted her alter top showing her shirt and said they are great aren't they. Then I told her I don't want to hear about that it makes me upset. Because I never saw them to begin with. Then I asked her how she like my profile on matchcom she said I didn't write it. It was to good. But I did, I told her That it was aimed toward her. And was taking it off. She asked why and I told her I'm not interest in any of them. I told her my sister was introducing me to all her single friends. We hung up and she emailed me back saying she wasn't ready to hear about girls I will be dating just like you don't want to hear about my boobs. She said she wanted to drop off a DVD for my dad that she made for him in my mail box. I told her to give it to me in person because we are eventully are going to cross paths later. She did come over we talked then she said knowing I didn't want to see her boobs. She ask if I wanted to see them after a couple of No's I finally gave in and looked then she said I could feel I hasitated but touched the top of them. She left a couple of minutes later and did look like she wanted to cry. In one email she did tell her son that he would see me again and we would be buddies. Then Tues I e-mailed her and said I wanted to be Jakes dad and her husband and wanted to take her out to dinner to try to to work this out. She wrote back "Scott broke up to so many time over the same issues. We need to let go of each other and obvisouly we are both having a problem doing that. Thanks but dinner is not a good idea." I haven't e-mailed her since and it been 3 days from when I e-mail this to you. I did call her to let her no that her son was standing around at school and told her to call her mom to get him. I told her I did want to give Jake the wrong message by picking him up. And when I was driving past he did see me and the look on his face was where are you going. I do know that she dosen't go out she stays home when she doesn't run around with her son. And she is still wearing the ring. Her mom told my sisters, I told her to give the ring back but she didn't say any thing and her mom feels we will be back together. My X left 10 minutes before my sisters got their. So I don't know if she told her mom to say that or what. And in the emails she told me thanks for still caring about her and made her feel good that still did .All the other times she came back she told me she was miserable with out me and mentioned one time who's car was that in my drive way . So I do no she was very jealous. I told her I loved her in the e-mails but she never said anything about missing me or loved me. But when we broke up in Feb of this year she did tell me I loved you in fact I love you more then my Ex Husband. And in the emails when we did break up in Feb she kept giving me different reasons she broke up You never loved Me was the first one then we can't give each other what we want. Then it was I was taking my time on the getting married wasn't excited enough didn't tell my friend rite away. But in the 5 yrs we have been together I do no that she loves me a great deal. You asked me about communicating issues yes we both were bad at telling each other when their was a problem. All other break up she did say that this is it and leave her alone but always came back. I never chased, contacted , called or drive past her house crying over her. She did say when we did get together the first she said she didn't like whinny guys sitting on her porch crying over her. She told me that I was the only one that ever did that. I am moving on know because this is tearing me up inside and was starting to get over her before I told her drop off the dvd. And she did tell my sister a month ago she would give the dvd to her. But I guess I'm still wondering if she will come back again if she finds out I'm dating or when I sell my house One thing with fer she was bosey, Selfish and very very high maintenance she told me she deserves the best and will not settle for anything less. She is very picky about men. She is looking for someone with money and very good looks. That is me. So please give me your opinion on this hole situation because I don't want her coming around when I am involved with some one else and ruining that when I finally do get over her. And she does get what she wants. Do think she showed boobs to keep me thinking of her

From Talaniman
Until you make a decision to stop sending mixed signals and end this firmly but finally, she will waltz back and forth into your life whenever she feels like it. Seems to be a pattern with all her relationships. This includes your family as well. Tell everyone and your ex, this is over and then mean it. As a relationship, this is going no where, so you have to make a decision and stick to it. And make everyone else stick to it also.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

From Talaniman
Until you make a decision to stop sending mixed signals and end this firmly but finally, she will waltz back and forth into your life whenever she feels like it. Seems to be a pattern with all her relationships. This includes your family as well. Tell everyone and your ex, this is over and then mean it. As a relationship, this is going no where, so you have to make a decision and stick to it. And make everyone else stick to it also.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

Originally Posted by SAB123
I don't understand how I'm sending her mixed signals I told her I wanted to still marry her and her son. But I have told everybody I am through with her. But just when I start to get over her she comes back and I still do take her back because I guess I think I can change her.

From Talaniman
You want to marry her but your through. Mixed signals my friend...
__________________

Originally Posted by SAB123
I dont understand how I'm sending her mixed signals I told her I wanted to still marry her and her son. But I have told everybody I am thru with her. But just when I start to get over her she comes back and I still do take her back because I guess I think I can change her.

From Talaniman
You want to marry her but your thru. Mixed signals my friend.....
__________________


Originally Posted by SAB123
I guess you are wright but she doesn't know I want to move on
I guess I'm talking myself out my feelings for her not to take her back. And do you think by showing her boobs in back of her mind is to keep me thinking of her and not find any one she new I would get jealous if I saw them.

From Talaniman
I don't care about her boobs and niether should you so get your act together and make up your damn mind what you want to do and be honest about it. All of this should be posted on the forum for feedback.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

Originally Posted by SAB123
I guess you are wright but she doesn't know I want to move on
I guess I'm talking myself out my feelings for her not to take her back. and do you think by showing her boobs in back of her mind is to keep me thinking of her and not find any one she new I would get jealous if I saw them.

From Talaniman
I don't care about her boobs and niether should you so get your act together and make up your damn mind what you want to do and be honest about it. All of this should be posted on the forum for feedback.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know


[QUOTE=SAB123]Originally Posted by SAB123
The more I think about it a part of me wants to let go because I am tired of the games and a lot of my friend do not like her because they feel she treats me bad and only thinks of herself and using me for my money. I do know she only cares about herself but she does treat me good sometimes. But I truly love her and I really don't want to let go of her. Every one say move on for good but I can't except it probably because she was my first love and I miss her when she not in my life but was always yelling at me when we were together. And we didn't see a lot of each other because of this.

From Talaniman
This isn't a healthy relationship whatsoever. Move on.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

[QUOTE=SAB123]Originally Posted by SAB123
The more I think about it a part of me wants to let go because I am tired of the games and alot of my friend do not like her because they feel she treats me bad and only thinks of herself and using me for my money. I do know she only cares about herself but she does treat me good sometimes. But I truly love her and I really don't want to let go of her. Every one say move on for good but I can't except it probally because she was my first love and I miss her when she not in my life but was always yelling at me when we were together. And we didn't see alot of each other because of this.

From Talaniman
This isn't a healthy relationship whatsoever. Move on.
__________________
Talaniman/agree or disagree let me know

QUOTE=SAB123]Originally Posted by SAB123
Yes, you are right and that is what I'm going to do. Thank you for showing me the light from another person point of view besides my friends was very helpful. Because all y friends and family feel the same way.

SAB, maybe posting them on your thread would help.


Below is the private E-mail me and Talaniman had in the beginning. Sorry about not having it in sequence but I didn't Know how this site worked and Privately emailed Tal
Because I didn't know he would keep looking at my problem. But it's nice to know he and other people do.Thanks everyone. Its been 11 weeks I'm getting better but still hurt insid.

I am not sure I understand this question. Why do you get upset? Because you worry about her son?

How long has it been since you broke up with your fiance? If you feel like you are still not "over her", then I don't advice getting into a new relationship. But, this does not mean that you shouldn't meet new people. Keep it light and have fun. Take the time to straighten yourself up and heal from the break up.

No, the next girl doesn't necessarily have to be a rebound as long as you've taken all the time you need to heal and become mentally and emotionally ready to be available to another person. Make sure you do not get involved with someone until you are a stronger and wiser man from the experience with your fiance.

I get upset because I still miss her ( not as often as before ) In the beginning I just thought more about her and the pain of her breaking up with me again. But when I don't think of her I think of her son more now then when she broke up with me 11 weeks ago. I miss him a lot and I do worry about him and even her. (If you don't know my hole story please read my other question) and I guess you are rite, Until I'm healtier.And shouldn't worry about a new girl. I guess I miss someone to the holding of hands, hugs, kisses and knowing someone is their for you (At least I thought I did) I guess I'm worried I won't meet someone.

I guess I miss someone to the holding of hands, hugs, kisses and knowing someone is their for you (At least I thought I did) I guess I'm worried I won't meet someone.
Just by you knowing this, you have crossed the threshold of reality, and I think your going to be okay in time.

I'm writing this info now to let other people know what type of person my Ex really was. I'm not doing this to bash her, but to let people with similer problems know and to see if the person their with is the one they want to be with.And I'm not putting all the blame on her, because I did do things to make her mad.But not that bad to be treated like this.

Let me start by saying, My Ex is a very good mother, volantered her time to others and I want to say she loved me. And we did respected each other enough not to cheat on each other at least I hope she never did. But I know now this relationship would never have lasted or our marrige if we stayed together. In the beginning of my relationship everybody liked her but within a 6 months peoples opinion started to change. I didn't want to her it. She would brag to my friends what she had and bought. She even told them she took $8000.00 out of her 401K to build her deck. Bragged to me and everybody she's been to 12 islands just always bragging about money that she did not have.(charged everything)She was very boesy to me, her son and sometimes to others. Didn't like the word no. Couple of years ago work was very slow and worked about 7 days in 2 months. So I'm building her balcony and spending money I didn't have on it(mics bolts etc) After I was finished she said good job, where are you taking me for dinner. I told her no where, I have bills to pay and one of her expensive dinners just wasn't in my budget. She started yelling at me because I said NO. I sweated my but off for a couple of weeks on the deck, hooking up lights on deck and misc stuff around her house and didn't even offer to take me out to dinner. She bought dinner maybe 2 times and made it 5-6 times. Said I would get an $50 week allowance when we get married. Between both of us we would have made about $170,000 plus a year. Demanded when married $1200 + jewellery for B-DAy's and spending on what ever she wanted for her and son she bought him what ever he wanted. Said that how she thinks people love her when you spend money on her or son. So very High maintenance. Never did anything for me,never. I had back problems, 4 disks out on top 5 on bottom(in pain) drop foot, could hardly walk sometimes. When I told her that she said who's going to cut my grass now. And would yell at me because their was a waiting list to see Dr. Get in their and get better she would say. I think so I could continue to work on house, cut grass etc. So you can tell by this she was Only thinking of herself and son. Told me I should be buying stuff for her and son all the time. Very selfish person. Rite before breakup, and when she got her boob job she wanted these expansive photos of her taken to give to her son and friends didn't mention me.She could have said how about the 3 of us get a picture together but no just her. And never had any pics of me in her house hanging. Only wanted to make love when she felt like it most of time I would have to beg. And when we did she would say forgot how good that feels and we need to do this more often. When we first started dating she said I would have to get a second job. And rite up to breakup she needs 2 incomes to survive. She wanted the $600,000.00 house, Elxus convertible, jewelry, trips, everything. Said she deserves the best. Told me that she will be driving my 30th annvirsary TA to train station. When I told her no she flipped out on that. But when I told her friends this they would say are you crazy. Then she would say I was kidding. As far as new house all I wanted to decorate was garage and basement, said no tools in garage just cars and she would help in the process of how the basement will look like. Would never listnen to me. Always thought her way was the best way. She was controlling to me and son, forgetful, only called when she wanted something or something done. Woulds swear in front of her son all time( bad words) Spoiled her son, and she put him in every sport possible. Some of them he didn't want to do. Like swimming he wanted out of. She said its not a f*****g option. That how your going to get a scholarship. She would plan hole summer out and would never ask if I wanted to do something. Inconsiderate. Would be appalled that I said no or wouldn't do that for her. First 2 months of us dating she would complain to her friends that she couldn't believe I didn't cut her grass for her. She told me she was the princess and get what she wants. She admits she will probably never find anyone worth dating. And I do believe her. She wants a man with good looks to show off to her friends. Which she did with me. And money. I did everything she ask me to do and more gave her money when she needed it, I'm the type who can build or fix anything(cars,wood working,plumbing, electrical HVAC you name it. So I was her handyman sort of speak. I never excluded her son out of anything. The 3 of us usually did everything together.She is a very picky person when it comes to guys. So deep down in side, I don't know when, but I think again she will realize how good she had it and try to sneak back into my life again. But I will never let her in again she had to many chances. These are some stories of what I had to go through and thiers a lot more. I should write a book.

Finally, I realize now I did want to spend the rest of my life with her. But was scared to marry her because maybe deep down inside I knew she would bankrupt me and make my life hell. Like I said I did do things to hurt her. She would always say you would miss me and her son if I broke up with them, but she did all the breaking up.(insecure I guess)We both had communication problems between the both of us. And if I wanted this to work I probably could have if we would have spent more time together and talked about our problems we had with each other. But I guess after I writing this hole post I guess she never loved me and we just weren't meant to be. The past year I would rather stay at my house and do nothing then spend time with her. I was afraid to say something to her because I was tired of her B*******G at me all the time, only came over or called when wanted something. It's been a long 5 years for me, we didn't always fight we had a lot of great times together. How I feel rite now is hate her and don't ever want to see her ever again for cutting my heart up again. Then at the same time I miss and love her and her son very much. And I still say to myself what happened. And I know I can never take her back but sometime hope she comes back to me and we hug and everything will be OK again. But I know that is just a fairy tail and this is reality. She believes life is a fairy tail. Them and I know they will always have a place in my heart but the one thing I can't comperhand is I may never see them ever again and it does scare me but I know it is for the best. So for any one out their who has any doubt or similier problems think long and hard before you spend time on a relationship that was never meant to be.

Do the dreams I have every night of her will they ever go away or will I always have this problem.

She is always on your mind. That's why you dream about her.
Distract yourself and give yourself the chance to heal and get over her.
A good place for ideas:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html

Do the dreams I have every night of her will they ever go away or will I always have this problem.

Read a book for 30 minutes or longer before you go to bed. The thoughts of the book will be the last thing you remember before going to bed and what you'll think about when your sleeping. That's actually an old studying trick that I used to use in college and it worked wonders for my retention of information.

I still think about her when alone but this break up when out with friends I can get my mind off her a lot better this time then the other 6 breakups she did to me. This is my first true love. I know its different for each person, but how long does it usually take to move on and not think of them as much and when you were over Ex did you ever think about that person when you were with new person in life. I know it's to soon for me to start dating but I want to get her out of my mind and heart so bad to move on.

It takes time and there is no way around that. But you can be enjoying yourself while you heal. Half the fun is exploring new things to do and people to see.

yeah its always about them!!!always.. i can see that now more so that im looking in the window, try not to think about the things she has said, it will make u crazy..i it does it to me.
i think i hold the record for getting back and fourth with my ex, only he says hes commitment phobic, yet we were married to..lol.. its all about them and how they are feeling that day. thats not worth it, id rather b single...

If she does try to contact me in the future should I even bother with her just because of the way she used me.

If she does try to contact me in the future should I even bother with her just because of the way she used me.
You shouldn't bother because it will interfere in your healing, no one can treat us badly unless we allow it. Never over look the part you played in this drama. Overtime you will be better emotionally to make a decision on whether you want to talk to her or not. For now, forget it.

If she does try to contact me in the future should I even bother with her just because of the way she used me.
That's a hard question to answer, you don't know where you will be emotionaly. In a perfect world the answer would be to never have anything to do with her... but again our emotions always get in the way... I don't think you should even think about that and instead move on for yourself you never know what the future brings...

I can tell you one thing for sure, the girl loves drama.. and it seems like she knew you were always going to be there nomatter what she did or said, she said you are the perfect guy and maybe that's to boring for her it seems. Does she use drugs?
The smoking thing was a really lame excuse to use in my book.. don't call me for a couple of weeks, that was an excuse for something else... did she quit? I doubt it.
I will always wonder to about my ex, but I can only say they weren't in it for the same reasons we were. I think they are selfish users, they say and do things according to their day. I got he perfect speech too, lol.. if we are so perfect for them, what's the problem??

You shouldn't bother because it will interfere in your healing, no one can treat us badly unless we allow it. Never over look the part you played in this drama. Overtime you will be better emotionally to make a decision on whether you want to talk to her or not. For now, forget it.





[/QUOTE]
Originally Posted by SAB123
From A woman's point of view can you tell me what your take is on all this about her and me. And If you have any questions about her or me to come to a conclusion please ask. Because I think until the day I die I will never no what she was exactly feeling or her intentions were in this relationship. Thank You

QUOTE=hair2007
Hi, well of course its so hard to say because I don't know her. But from what I read and being a girl, she sounds like such a user... im sorry to say that, but I can't help it. She sounds like she doesn't even know how to love you, she is to mean and always thinking of herself only... very materialistic too. Bfore I say more how old are you guys now? Just wondering...

[/QUOTE]
Originally Posted by SAB123
She just turned 41 in 3/23 and I will be 35 on 8/26. She was married for 10yrs to husband he was a drug addict and cheated on her. She got even toward end of marrige and cheated on him. She filed for divorce then met a new guy,he had to stop her because she wanted Ex back. She got pregnet they were together for 3yrs and broke up with him 2-3 times He had a gambling problem. Had child with him. She met me just 2 months after their break up. I had problems in beginning but I pretty much changed my hole life style for her.
She said last year I was a perfect guy, I had no baggage, gambeling/drinking problems, was good to her and son. Would be a good father. Knew I would NEVER cheat on her. Never went out with friends In Past 3 yrs I think I went out to bar maybe 10 times with friends. But aways said she was jealous that I did.
I say this because mabye I was a rebound. She did cry over Ex husband in front of me twice. She would break up with me without asking how she feels or how I feel. And all break up she would tell me months later why she broke up with me. First break up was the worst because of that. We were only dating not even a yr. And I bought a house because I wanted to see what it was like to live on my own. She broke up with me because I bought a house. She wanted to get married rite away. But she never told me that when I was looking at houses. And how she broke up with me she said I'm going to quick smoking so don't call me for a couple of weeks because I'm a real B****h when I stop. I called her within 5 days because I missed her and she said I'm breaking up with you over the phone. She is my first love and for 3 months I was unfuctionable. And when she did come back my heart felt so good. If you need to no more please ask question

i can tell you one thing for sure, the girl loves drama..and it seems like she knew you were always going to be there nomatter what she did or said, she said u are the perfect guy and maybe thats to boring for her it seems. does she use drugs?
the smoking thing was a really lame excuse to use in my book.. dont call me for a couple of weeks, that was an excuse for somthing else... did she quit? i doubt it.
i will always wonder to about my ex, but i can only say they werent in it for the same reasons we were. i think they are selfish users, they say and do things acording to their day. i got he perfect speach too, lol..if we are so perfect for them, whats the problem???
Not sure if I'm doing this right, wanted to add more, hope this shows up... lol...

I think they like to keep us/ you on the back burner while they do what they want. I'm 37, we are all in the same age area, my ex is 37 too. I don't like to think it as being used, but I can't help to say that, because why else would someone be so unstable in a long relationship? They come in and out because they know they can. They take what they can from it, and play games. That's my take on it. Your situation reminds me a lot of my relationship.

i can tell you one thing for sure, the girl loves drama..and it seems like she knew you were always going to be there nomatter what she did or said, she said u are the perfect guy and maybe thats to boring for her it seems. does she use drugs?
the smoking thing was a really lame excuse to use in my book.. dont call me for a couple of weeks, that was an excuse for somthing else... did she quit? i doubt it.
i will always wonder to about my ex, but i can only say they werent in it for the same reasons we were. i think they are selfish users, they say and do things acording to their day. i got he perfect speach too, lol..if we are so perfect for them, whats the problem???
I can't remember if it was rite away but eventually she did. I know when she was with her husband she did. And when we were together she would smoke pot once in a while but not all the time maybe 6-7 times a year. When she was married she told me she was doing cocaine. But I really don't know if she used while we were dating. Maybe she did that's why she had a mood change a lot. In the beginning (first 2 yrs) she would never have period and last 3 yrs into relationship she was having period at least twice a month and would last long time.

I can't remember if it was rite away but eventually she did. I know when she was with her husband she did. And when we were together she would smoke pot once in a while but not all the time maybe 6-7 times a year. When she was married she told me she was doing cocaine. But I really don't know if she used while we were dating. Maybe she did thats why she had a mood change alot. In the begining (first 2 yrs) she would never have period and last 3 yrs into relationship she was haveing period at least twice a month and would last long time.
I asked that because of the erratic behavior... my ex didn't use drugs, he is just so emotionaly screwed up, although he has done steroids so maybe that comes into play. But his personality is just that way with every thing in life. He was or is on anxiety meds. Plus I think he's just e selfish dumb... if they had meds for that he would be great... lol..
Maybe that's part of her problem too, drugs, not the weed, maybe pills or something. Does she still see any of the exes or would you not even know? I know my ex was sneaky... if you don't mind me asking where are you guys from, not that it matters but just wondering... I will probably not answer till after 6ish because I'm on my way to work, so hope I'm helping you out and not making you feel worse... it helps to talk... but in the process we have to still move on... have a great day : )

i asked that because of the eratic behavior....my ex didnt use drugs, he is just so emotionaly screwed up, although he has done steroids so maybe that comes into play. but his personality is just that way with every thing in life. he was or is on anxiety meds. plus i think hes just e selfish dumb ...if they had meds for that he would be great...lol..
maybe thats part of her problem too, drugs, not the weed, maybe pills or somthing. does she still see any of the exes or would you not even know? i know my ex was sneaky....if you dont mind me asking where are you guys from, not that it matters but just wondering...i will probably not answer till after 6ish because im on my way to work, so hope im helping you out and not making you feel worse...it helps to talk...but in the process we have to still move on...have a great day : )

Yes your probably rite on that the drugs she did.When we were together she didn't see ex husband,she would se her sons dad which she hates. Where from Chicago IL. And yes this helping me out a lot. I feel great today I'm thinking about her a little bit but my heart doesn't hurt as bad. But can't wait to sell house then she won't be able to ever sneak her way back in. Because I feel she will contact me soon. She always wanted to be friends after break ups. But I always said no It hurts too much. And I said it this time. She's going to realize again how good she had it when she starts to compare me to other guys. That why I think she always came back she can't find anyone better.

I know I don't want her back, But I get so mad for what she did all the bad things she said to me and I get so mad at her for that.And I'm glad it's over. But why do I still miss her noing she treated bad. Wouldn't my subconciousness block my feelings.

Yes your probally rite on that the drugs she did.When we were together she didn't see ex husband,she would se her sons dad which she hates. Where from Chicago IL. And yes this helping me out alot. I feel great today I'm thinking about her a little bit but my heart doesn't hurt as bad. But can't wait to sell house then she won't be able to ever sneak her way back in. Because I feel she will contact me soon. She always wanted to be friends after break ups. But I always said no It hurts to much. And I said it this time. She's going to realize again how good she had it when she starts to compare me to other guys. That why I think she always came back she can't find anyone better.
If she is anything like my ex, of course she will be contacting you. It sucs. When they do you always think oh maybe things will change... my ex comes around every 2 months or so, saying he made a mistake, I'm beautiful, generous,pasionate blah blah blah... I always hope he won't come around cause it just sets me back 100 steps. So maybe he won't come around anymore who knows and cares...
She wants to be friends so she can keep one foot in the door and one out. Games, all games, but I give them credit, they play a good 1.
I'm gald your feeling good today, usually the weekends were bad for me, but no more. I'm out a lot now so its easier. But whenever my ex finds out I'm dating someone he always comes around and it has srewed up a lot of things for me... my own dumb fault.

if she is anything like my ex, of course she will b contacting you. it sucs. when they do you always think oh maybe things will change....my ex comes around every 2 months or so, saying he made a mistake, im beautiful, generous,pasionate blah blah blah.....i always hope he wont come around cause it just sets me back 100 steps. so maybe he wont come around anymore who knows and cares...
she wants to be friends so she can keep one foot in the door and one out. games, all games, but i give them credit, they play a good 1.
im gald your feeling good today, usualy the weekends were bad for me, but no more. im out alot now so its easier. but whenever my ex finds out im dating someone he always comes around and it has srewed up alot of things for me...my own dumb fault.

That is what I'm afraid of. She probably thinks if I meet someone I will know that their are girls who will treat me good. Then she knows I'll never take her back. Even when we got back the first time she said why do you want me back I'm a B****H. Then couple years ago said I'm glad you love me because I don't think anyone else could put up with me. I'm glad you e-mailed me I was starting to feel down. I did start a new post ( I don't want my ex fiancé back) for me it seems like every break up get a little easier but not the point to start dating. But when I do keep myself busy I don't think of her. But if she does come back I think she will use her son as pawn to get me back. I pray she don't do that because he has been hurt enough. And know that I think about it more that guy that was over when I dropped her sons bed off was to make me jealous. Because I told her to leave me alone for ever. And I think that pissed her off and thought I'll fix him. Because she knows I'll get upset if I ever seen her with someone.

That is what I'm afraid of. She probably thinks if I meet someone I will know that their are girls who will treat me good. Then she knows I'll never take her back. Even when we got back the first time she said why do you want me back I'm a B****H. Then couple years ago said I'm glad you love me because I don't think anyone else could put up with me. I'm glad you e-mailed me I was starting to feel down. I did start a new post ( I don't want my ex fiancé back) for me it seems like every break up get a little easier but not the point to start dating. But when I do keep myself busy I don't think of her. But if she does come back I think she will use her son as pawn to get me back. I pray she don't do that because he has been hurt enough. And know that I think about it more that guy that was over when I dropped her sons bed off was to make me jealous. Because I told her to leave me alone for ever. And I think that pissed her off and thought I'll fix him. Because she knows I'll get upset if I ever seen her with someone.

Why? Do you actually think someone will put up with her? Honestly, its not likely. Think about that, why would you get upset, what are you missing out on? Lying, breakups, exes, I mean let them have her and her bullsh**!! That's what I always think about when I think of the ex with someone else, unless they do some major overhaul of change for themselves, I think they are going to be very lonely people. They are tooooo selfcentered to be in a normal relationship.

I still think about her when alone but this break up when out with friends I can get my mind off her alot better this time then the other 6 breakups she did to me. This is my first true love. I know its different for each person, but how long does it usually take to move on and not think of them as much and when you were over Ex did you ever think about that person when you were with new person in life. I know it's to soon for me to start dating but I want to get her out of my mind and heart so bad to move on.
Me again responding to this.. lol.. I'm going through this now, when I'm out I think of him, its normal. But you should go out with friends, if you happen to meet someone. It doesn't mean you have to marry them,lol, just for the conversation alone with someone is great, kind of like this site, I have been on a few dates now, I can't lie, its hard because if I know the connection isn't there it makes me say oh no I have to be back out here in the dating world, its scary... I don't think its to early to date or not, if it happens it happens. You need to be out, whether you meet some one or not, you need to hear music, have a drink, conversations, whatever, it helps.

Please do not give opinion unless you have read my original Thread (Is my Ex fiancé coming back again) To refresh your memory 11 days ago I told ex to don't call, e-mail or try yo see me again. I told her I would drop off her sons bed I did. And their was another guy there. I was very upset she would do that. But she told her sons step brother that he's not her type he's fat.But Yesterday my ex's sons step brother came over (he's 19)My Ex told him to say Make sure you tell him I'm not dating that guy she told several times. And he told her I think he not her type because he's fat, she started laughing. My question is after telling her to leave me alone forever (I know that made her mad) why she would make sure I know she wasn't datiing anybody. I mean she broke up with me why would she care. 11 weeks ago when she broke up with me I asked him do you think she will be back. He hesitated and said maybe. I asked him last night and he didn't hesitate and said she'll be back. It's been 11 days of NC and I guess until I move out of my house it seems like she will always have a way to come back and it scares me. Because I don't want her back butI'm the nice guy and if her and son come over start crying that they want me back I'm afraid I might buckle. Noing that it won't work. Please help because I'm lost rite now.

why? do you actualy think somone will put up with her? honestly, its not likely. think about that, why would you get upset, what are you missing out on? lieing, breakups, exes, i mean let them have her and her bullsh**!!! thats what i always think about when i think of the ex with someone else, unless they do some major overhaul of change for themselves, i think they are going to be very lonely people. they are tooooo selfcentered to be in a normal relationship.
She told me she don't think any one could put up with her that's why she said I'm glad I can And it sucks noing they are with someone else(but ex's son step brother came over last night a told me something(please read, I think my ex want to come back.)

These messages between the kids has to stop, for one its not their business and they should not be used as pawns between two adults. This is not no contact by the way, nor is it healthy.

These messages between the kids has to stop, for one its not their business and they should not be used as pawns between two adults. This is not no contact by the way, nor is it healthy.
She broke up with me why would she care how I feel, meaning making a point that she's not dating that guy. If I broke up with her I would probably care less what she thought. I think she would let me think that to let me know she moving on. The only reason I would say that's not my boyfriend is to keep her foot in the door with me and yes I do know this NC and I pray it stays this way.Yes I told her sons step brother I don't want to hear anything about ex or her son ever when he helped droped off bed that day.

me again responding to this..lol.. im going through this now, when im out i think of him, its normal. but you should go out with friends, if you happen to meet someone. it doesnt mean you have to marry them,lol, just for the conversation alone with someone is great, kind of like this site, i have been on a few dates now, i can't lie, its hard because if i know the connection isnt there it makes me say oh no i have to be back out here in the dating world, its scary...i dont think its to early to date or not, if it happens it happens. you need to be out, whether you meet some one or not, you need to hear music, have a drink, conversations, whatever, it helps.
Actually when I do go out now I don't think of her that much which is great.And yes it sucks thinking of starting all over and fining someone but I think in a couple of months I think my heart will healty to move on. Unless she starts playing mind games with me again. Which I think she's doing.

I do believe she's up to her old trick again. Playing mind games with me. She starting to drive past my house again. Monday night and again just today (driving slow. She is a fast driver) last break up I told her I was so depressed I just sat and stared out the window. I don't do that now but was shaving and saw her.She even called my sister to find out if my nephew could spend the night witch she asked a few times in the 5 years. She has no reason to drive past my house When we broke up this time she never drove past house in the beginning of this break up, but now she doing it. In a few of break ups when she came back she did say this what I want out of relationship if you don't want this leave me alone.Now I'm totally confused?

Unless she starts playing mind games with me again. Which I think shes doing.

No, way. Don't fall for it. Don't even give her the chance to do it. You are on your way to healing and moving on. Don't be pulled back. Ignore her. Stay away and make new friends. Good luck.

She is full of games and drama. Bet she can't believe your standing up for yourself and moving on with your life. Generally most guys who gets into the NC, finds out the things about an ex they were blind to before. So will you! That's why it is so important to leave them alone, and let the emotional dust settle so you can see much clearer.

Agree with you there talaniman! Have to spread some rep first : /

NC really does help get your head round things. Its helped me!

Was talking to mom and she feels she probably getting nervous that Im moving on this time. She feels she keeps breaking up with me to get the upper hand. I think with her she knows I'll take her back and she'll make me mop over her just long enough then come back and say this is how the relationship is going to be.(Not this time) My brother in law came over last night and hung out and didn't think about her at all. Or when I'm keeping myself busy now. This is something I have never been able to do in all of the break ups with her. I told him I can't worry about when she's coming back but I'll deal with her when she does comes back. I will not answer her phone calls, e-mails or if I see her driving past house when I'm out side I will walk in house. But I think she will start putting more effort in ways to come back when she see's the For Sale sign on my house then she'll know I mean business. I don't think if I didn't find this site I would be as strong with my healing process and want to thank everyone for helping me.

Was talking to mom and she feels she probally getting nervous that Im moving on this time. She feels she keeps breaking up with me to get the upper hand. I think with her she knows I'll take her back and she'll make me mop over her just long enough then come back and say this is how the relationship is going to be.(Not this time) My brother in law came over last night and hung out and didn't think about her at all. Or when I'm keeping myself busy now. This is something I have never been able to do in all of the break ups with her. I told him I can't worry about when she's coming back but I'll deal with her when she does comes back. I will not answer her phone calls, e-mails or if I see her driving past house when I'm out side I will walk in house. But I think she will start putting more effort in ways to come back when she see's the For Sale sign on my house then she'll know I mean business. I don't think if I didn't find this site I would be as strong with my healing process and want to thank everyone for helping me.
Hey sab, so she's starting to come around a little, that sucs, diving by, she will definitely be putting more effort soon, it's the way the selfish game goes... sounds so familiar, my ex would do the same. Drive by my house, my work, throw rocks at the bedroom window at like 4 am, before work, leave me messages crying, and sure enough, id be there, thinking he meant it all. This has been like 10 times now!! He should be in hollywood.. lol..
I don't think she breaks up with you to get the uper hand, sorry, she already had the upper hand. (my ex with me 2) just by them coming in an out the way they do. Don't let her get it back, even if you do someday, do the no contact for much longer, please, just to get yr self stronger, whether you go back or not isn't the issue at hand to me, right now its take care of u, move on, do what you have to do in life. Don't let her take up space in yr head... no matter what happens you will be more stable because of this, and maybe will make different decisions too. Then you can know you have the uper hand.( :

She is full of games and drama. Bet she can't believe your standing up for yourself and moving on with your life.
I can't believe I'm standing up for myself either and it feels good

Generally most guys who gets into the NC, finds out the things about an ex they were blind to before. So will you! That's why it is so important to leave them alone, and let the emotional dust settle so you can see much clearer.
With all other break ups I always did the NC but was to hurt to heal myself to see what type of person she is. I just wanted her back and that was it. I believe now you have to move on and let go to see if this the person you want to be with. And all the advise on this site to make me realize what type of person she is.

SAB,
Don't give into her games. Be strict with the NC and, like talaniman said, use it to clear your head and gain control over your emotions. Use this time to face the truth of who she really is. And after you think about her with a clear head and mind, I doubt you would even want her back. (I've read your older thread.)

Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it won't work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I. Is it maybe I like the game playing or is it maybe my heart is still unhealty and can't make a decision. But I'm scared noing she may come back and I'm afraid I will cave in and take her back.

Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it wont work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I. Is it maybe I like the game playing or is it maybe my heart is still unhealty. But I'm scared noing she may come back and I'm afraid I will cave in and take her back.
I know what yr feeling, believe me, no you don't like the game playing, at least I know I don't. Its easy for people looking in (my family and friends)anyway, to say why do you take this from him? Its because I have so much time invested in us, so I guess my heart always wants to believe they will not play games no more and things will change.
The sad part is how long will we put up with the crap. They are the un healthy ones in this not you or me. That's my opinion, the only thing we are guilty of is loving someone and thinking they want thing s to work. But never the less there comes a point when we have to look at it from a different view, because when someone treats you with such disrespect its time to reavaluate the situation.
I would love to be back with my ex, but I know it would not change, at least not any time soon that's for sure. Its so unhealthy, we are on such different pages its crazy. But when he comes around saying he made a mistake he's on my page, till he know I'm there then right back to the games. I'm not saying that's what yours will do but just trying to show you what I go through. ( ;

Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it wont work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I.
You have history together. You've loved her and felt all the emotions, good and bad, with her. So, it will be very hard letting go. Sometimes, as painful and unwise it is, we choose to keep going back for this history and for the memories of the good feelings. So, that's why No Contact is soooo important and highly advised. It is a conscious effort by your mind to let go of the dream world and face reality. Face the harsh truths and gain control of your emotions so that if she did come back, you would be strong enough to say no and (at least half) mean it.

You are on a long and hard road, SAB, but on the right one. So, stay strong and heal yourself. Get her out of your mind as much as you can. Good luck.

Sometimes, as painful and unwise it is, we choose to keep going back for this history and for the memories of the good feelings.

I believe this is true for me and my EX. My Ex has said when she came back the first 2 break ups she always thought of all the things we did and what I did for her and son.

but when he comes around saying he made a mistake hes on my page ( ;
My Ex says the same thing I realize I made a mistake. One time on one of her break ups she calls and were talking and says I think I'm making a mistake but catches herself and doesn't say mistake. I think she wanted me say what was that last word so I would feel sorry for her.

Can a breakee hurt just as long as the one who got dumped. Noing that they still care for you. And why would a breakee still want to be friends with the person they dumped. I mean they dumped you because obvisouly they don't want to be with you anymore?

For one the dumper has had a lot longer to think about it and get over it. Sure they still care, and want to keep the good parts in there life, but they also want their freedom, from the relationship obligations. The one who gets dumped may have a clue, but it comes as a complete shock that always produces guilt, denial, anger, and a variety of feelings that must be reconciled. Better to get away and let the natural course of things tend those feelings, and get to a place of acceptance to deal with the emotions that a break up brings therefore No Contact. Just because there is a break up doesn't mean that they hate you, or harbor ill will. They have changed and see things differently. One thing I've learned over the years is, its so useless to take a break up personally. Its more a sign of change rather than love or hatred, as one partner wants something different and cannot do as they please within the boundaries of a relationship. And don't we all want keep the people we love in our lives in some capacity other than lovers? Hope this answers your questions.

For one the dumper has had a lot longer to think about it and get over it. Sure they still care, and want to keep the good parts in there life, but they also want their freedom, from the relationship obligations. The one who gets dumped may have a clue, but it comes as a complete shock that always produces guilt, denial, anger, and a variety of feelings that must be reconciled. Better to get away and let the natural course of things tend those feelings, and get to a place of acceptance to deal with the emotions that a break up brings therefore No Contact. Just because there is a break up doesn't mean that they hate you, or harbor ill will. They have changed and see things differently. One thing I've learned over the years is, its so useless to take a break up personally. Its more a sign of change rather than love or hatred, as one partner wants something different and cannot do as they please within the boundaries of a relationship. And don't we all want keep the people we love in our lives in some capacity other than lovers? Hope this answers your questions.
Good way to think of it, never thought of it like that before...

Yes, Thank you.

Up date on situation. Coming home from work and was pulling in drive way and as I look up at the corner of my eye I see her drive by (slower then she normally drives) She usually does not pick him up because he gets off at 4:00 and she don't get home from work until 6:00 pm. So she did take the day off. In previous break ups when we got back she did say when we drove past my house her son would ask why can't we go to my house. So why would she put him through that because I do know he stills misses me . Actually last year he asked my ex his mom if he could call me dad. So I know he loves me a lot. I do know if you go past my house you will save maybe 4 minutes rather then going longer route. When she broke up with me in the beginning when she was mad she said don't worry I won't be driving past your house this time. And I did tell her a couple of weeks ago not to call, e-mail or try to see me ever again. I know she's playing games but she knows to leave me alone why is she still doing this to me. Then 4.5 hours later my phone rings and it's her sons step brother calling. I didn't answer his phone call. It was weird because he usually don't call during week and plus I accidentally called him a couple of days ago but while I had him on the phone told him again not to tell me anything about ex or if she tells him something to tell her I don't want to hear it. But maybe this why I was never able/wanted to get over her all other break ups she keeps doing this crap to my head. Because every time she drives buy or contacts me I don't move forward but 5 steps behind and this is the 2 1/2 - 3 month mark for her. This usually the time she make her way back into my life. And she did make me suffer 2 1/2 - 3 months all 5 break Ups.
I know I must continue NC and try to avoid her like the plague. But if she wants me back she will just come up to my door and get me. I just hope if she does that she don't come up to door because I still am missing her and my head is emotionally unstable.

How old are you guys anyway??

How old are you guys anyway????
I know what you are saying and I am moving on as far as her I don't what her problem is.

Very evasive answer

I started thinking more and more what you said tal, and you are exactly right. We are both grown adults, and yet we both are acting like 16 year old high schoolers, and playing the baby games they would play at that age. I do feel different now from what you had posted. And how I feel right now is who cares, get over it and move on.

Sometimes we do not have the luxury of wring our hands when positive action is needed. We can't let others dictate our lives and leave us fearful of what could happen. Just deal with it. Where the head goes the heart will follow.

What are the different stages of your emotions when getting dumped. It's been about a week and yes, I have been thinkg of ex but not hurting. Then all of a sudden without any motive I just started missing her so much. One minute I'm happy without her and now I'm angry at her for what she did to me.

I just got dumped a week ago too by my girlfriend. The first week was hell for me, especially because I ran into her at a bar with the "Guy friend that I never had to worry about" and they seemed to be more than friends now. I would say that the first few weeks are going to be pretty rough, depending on how long the relationship was (1.5 years for me) and how the relationship ended. I'm still in the grieving stage, but I'll let you know when I move on. Best of luck, I'm there with you... :(

You go through that back and forth stuff. I think it's the brains way of dealing with the loss. On a logic level their gone and even if it hurts you accept it but then on an emotional level you feel a void. I think that it's wise to make a list of things you can do in the short term to bring you focus to something else. It won't cure it but it will help you focus your attention on other things and as a result the thoughts will become less and less.
Also, I can't recommend exercise enough, it releases endorphins in the brain which make you feel better and it also helps to clear your thoughts.

The pain in my heart is gone now and I feel secure and confident within myself and getting happier and laughing more every day. I'm even coming out of my safe zone (my house) I can talk to girls and feel confident now to start dating soon. I'm just curoius about why I still think of her it's not really a missing or hurt feeling, but more of the thing of all the fun stuff we all did together. I also now wonder what she does sometimes and if she's thinking of me (but I feel OK when I think like that). And starting to think of what I would be doing this summer if we were still together some fun things we would have done but thinking now how she would boseing me around and the headace she would be giving me everyday. I never been able to get this far with my recovery with all the break ups she did with me. And a lot of people are saying how I'm changing (for the good that is) I guess my question is what part of the healing phase I'm I going through and is normal for their personality to change as time goes on. And is it still normal to feel a little jealous that one day she may be dating again.

The feelings are quite normal, but you will handle them in a mature healthy way.

Why? I have been thinking of her, but not as much as before the hurtness that I had inside my heart has been gone for about 2 weeks. But yesterday I had to let it out and cry from thinking of her. And now it seems like hurt is returning again from missing her. Am I going backwards now? I do see her for who she is now. But I still miss her even noing how selfish and hurtful she was toward me. I no I'm emotionally stable not to be friends or if she comes back take her back. So if I still miss her now 3 months later and I don't want her back would I always miss her. Because I would love to block those feelings for ever and I don't know how.

Not healthy to block feelings, but dealing with them in a healthy way insures that you will overcome them in time. Like we all have to do. Even questioning your own progress is a healthy sign, as it signifies you are aware of those feelings, and dealing with them, but not overconfident, or taking yourself for granted.

Why? I have been thinking of her, but not as much as before the hurtness that I had inside my heart has been gone for about 2 weeks. But yesterday I had to let it out and cry from thinking of her. And now it seems like hurt is returning again from missing her. Am I going backwards now? I do see her for who she is now. But I still miss her even noing how selfish and hurtful she was toward me. I no I'm emotionally stable not to be friends or if she comes back take her back. So if I still miss her now 3 months later and I don't want her back would I always miss her. Becuase I would love to block those feelings for ever and I don't no how.

Nothing wrong with getting your emotions out a bit. I know now when I start to get upset about my ex at night, I liked to just go for a nice drive with the music on loud. Sometimes the music makes me angry, sometimes it makes me want to cry, but either way, when I get back I feel much better.

It has been 14 weeks since she broke up with me again and about 4 weeks of NC.The last time she drove past my house was about 2 weeks ago from what I have seen. I still try to keep myself busy, but it seems like the last week I have been missing her more and more.I know she is a golddigger and selfish, but I'm starting to blame myself for why she broke up with me. I thought of stuff that she said and did to hurt me but now I'm thinking of stuff that I did wrong and what I could have done to make this relationship work.

Maybe I should have told her how she was when we were dating/engaged. But it's been over 3 months and I some times hate her so much for breaking up with me but most all the time I miss and still love her very much. Does this still mean I want her back or am I just very lonely and miss being with someone. Or maybe I should start looking for a new best friend.

It's getting better but I still tend to talk about and/or bring my ex up to certain people. My ex fiancé son step brother came over to borrow some tools from me and I didn't want to ask but I did give in and ask if she was dating anyone. He said he didn't no (plus I don't think he would tell me anyway noing how I feel). But why am I still worried about if she seeing someone

I also think negative things about her like I hope she gets fat (which I heard she is :) ) and doesn't ever meet anyone, she goes bankrupt. And she no's I was good to her and her son and I want her to hurt and never get over me as long as she lives. Why if I still miss her am I also thinking negative thoughts about her. I just don't know what to do. Now I'm thinking maybe I want her back and I can not control the way I feel at this point in time.

It has been 14 weeks since she broke up with me again and about 4 weeks of NC.The last time she drove past my house was about 2 weeks ago from what I have seen. I still try to keep myself busy, but it seems like the last week I have been missing her more and more.I know she is a golddigger and selfish, but I'm starting to blame myself for why she broke up with me. I thought of stuff that she said and did to hurt me but now I'm thinking of stuff that I did wrong and what I could have done to make this relationship work.

Stop thinking of everything you did wrong as stuff you did wrong. Instead look at it as learning opportunities for the future. The human brain will always find what's wrong, so force yourself to look beyond that and learn from it. Look for what's right.

Furthermore, blaming yourself lets her off the hook completely. Didn't she have half the blame here. She's not perfect so start reminding yourself of that.


Maybe I should of told her how she was when we were dating/engaged. But it's been over 3 months and I some times hate her so much for breaking up with me but most all the time I miss and still love her very much. Does this still mean I want her back or am I just very lonely and miss being with someone. Or maybe I should start looking for a new best friend.

It means there is a void in your life that was previously there. Going through a break up is exactly like experiencing the death of someone around you. There is a void and it takes time to let it go away.


It's getting better but I still tend to talk about and/or bring my ex up to certain people. My ex fiance son step brother came over to borrow some tools from me and I didn't want to ask but I did give in and ask if she was dating anyone. He said he didn't no (plus I don't think he would tell me anyways noing how I feel). But why am I still worried about if she seeing someone

Your right, he isn't going to tell you anything. Furthermore he's going to run back to her and tell her that your asking about her which is only going to make it look like she can have you at a moments notice.

Ideally, you need to pull away from everybody associated with her for awhile. The first reaction to that kind of thinking is always "why should I punish her friends or family" but the only one your punishing is yourself by sticking around. Your in a strange way emotionally torturing yourself. The only way to stop this is to get away and let the emotions die down so you can think straight again.


I also think negitive things about her like I hope she gets fat (which I heard she is :) ) and doesn't ever meet anyone, she goes bankrupt. And she no's I was good to her and her son and I want her to hurt and never get over me as long as she lives. Why if I still miss her am I also thinking negitive thoughts about her. I just don't no what to do. Now I'm thinking maybe I want her back and I can not control the way I feel at this point in time.



Well the negative thoughts about her are natural. You want revenge and you want to even it out somehow for the emotional damage that has been done. I think this is where so many men lose it after relationships, in that they get these feelings and don't discuss them or distract themselves so eventually they act upon them. So give yourself credit, your at least discussing them and trying to figure them out. That's a huge step and it's one you should be looking at as a positive in your favor and not beating yourself up over.

The human brain is always going to have the negative thoughts. What's negative is always available. You are going to have to cousiously force yourself to start thinking positive to move on faster. That's why I'm always saying to people, learn from the pain. If you learn from the pain, no matter how bad, it gives it meaning and it has a purpose, as opposed to just being in emotional trumoil for months and suffering. If you can learn from your mistakes, and from your successes (because let's be honest, you had some successs in this relationship that your are ignoring which is doing you no service) then you can move forward with an education. Most people do not move forward with and education they just suffer.

Also make a list of things you'd like to do in the short term and work on them. Take a walk for a couple times a day for even just a couple minutes. Just move around a little. If you can take a long walk it really clears up you head.

Overall though I think you keep focusing on the negative which is normal, so start focusing on the positive, and write the positive down if you have to and hang it up so that when you get down, you can remind yourself of the positive. You can control your thoughts if you cousiously try so start doing that and replace those negatives with positives.

I understand your anger, quite natural, but to wallow in it is very unhealthy. You will never be happy, or find happiness with that kind of thinking at all. Start doing positive things that make you happy, and get off that pity pot. You have the freedom to be whatever you want, and being a negative person should not be an option you should be entertaining right now.

Need some Encouragement? Its been 3 months since she broke up with me again and for awhile I was doing very good with controlling my emotions and letting go of her. But the past week I have been hurting again and missing her. Well, yesterday I was doing some yard work and she drove past my house again. (It has been probably 2 weeks since she new I saw her drive past. She went out of her way yesterday to drive past my house. Then about a hour 1/2 later her mom drove past (I was sitting down and she was going some what fast then when she got to where I was sitting she slowed down. I did tell her I was putting my house up for sale first week of May when we where talking. (It's been probably 5 weeks of NC)
Is she doing this because she want to come back again or to really see if I'm selling my house. She said I'll believe it when the for sale sign is on it. Her biggest problem with me was that house because she had no part in the process And when I do see her I walk inside house. But yesterday when she caught me off guard she did look my direction the hole time when she did drive by. I No what type of person she is, but deep down inside I still love her and maybe I want her to come back for some reason. I'm thinking only the good time we had together now and how it would feel to hug and kiss her again. I'm afraid if she comes back I may take her back and I don't know why. I feel like she controlling me and my emotions again and it sucks. I read some post on here and their are people 1 to 2 years still hurting after a break up. Will I end up like them, still hurting and thinking of her.

If you already know it will not work, then don't even go there.

To let everyone no I'm putting my house up for sale tomorrow and kind of relieve the major work is finished. But I'm also concerned that know that the house is going up for sale the fireworks will begin with my ex. For the past 3 years this is the one day she always told me she couldn't wait for. Too sell that damn house. She no's I'll get a good chunk of change for my house. So I guess the next couple of weeks if she want's to get me back again she'll make it known. If she does I just hope it's by e-mail or calls I can handle not answering or responding to her. But my heart is not fully healed and I still miss and love herand her son very much. And if she comes to my house and starts crying for me I'm afraid I'll buckle like I always did when she came back. I just can't wait to sell house now and start a brand new life for myself. And with her and her mom driving buy more often I think she is missing me and wants me back again, I think she is just waiting for the house to go up for sale. And I do know my ex very good and this is something she would do. But only time will tell.

Trying to understand how you can be weak for a golddigger, that is just waiting on your money?

You make a very excellent point right their tal. I guess I'm not think with my head just my heart.

Please stop thinking and hoping. Watch a football game tonight or something. Don't think about her. I know it's hard but she broke up with you 5 TIMES! Enough is enough. One break is all it should take. Move on. You deserve better. Can u imagine making her wait 3 months? It would hurt you to know she is hurting, but apparently she doesn't care if you are hurting. If someone can go as much as a week from not hearing from you or caring how you are doing, imagine 5 weeks and it being done 5 times. ENOUGH!! Stop torturing yourself. You will find better. Especially that you are selling the house, have money and are somewhat happy of what will come, then enjoy that! Let this be your own time. You're an adult and you should celebrate on your own terms and give this moment to yourself. Congrats! You just need to enjoy this one with your friends or yourself. Don't think about her. Love is blind. Please... We all go through these times... We may be strangers but as humans I guess this world still has a lot of love and we want what is best for you. We know the pain and the best thing to do is move on. Moving on means to forget about her and look forward to new and exciting things. I wish I can shrink into your blood cells and be the cure you need. Good luck!

She is very maniplitve, and she no's when she drives past my house it will keep me thinking of her (It always worked with me in the past). I don't purposely look for her to drive buy but I have to keep up with outside of house. But when she does drive buy my emotions get the best of me.And I can't contol my emotions. I just can't wait to sell house then she WILL never control me again like she is now. I thought I had control but I guess I'm still WEAK. And my stupid A** is letting her do this to me and I don't know why. And I think I'm getting stronger because I'm thinking of my new house with out her being apart of it. But it's the great advise I get here that brings me back to reality. And you are rite if I loved someone I would NEVER let them wait as long as she did with me the 5 times. Thanks everyone!

You're not stupid. You will get through this. Just stay with us here... Well not literally but use us as a checkpoint. Live your life and ignore her then tell us how you are doing and we will keep helping. But don't give in because then we will feel let down in a way. We are in this together! I'm here for you. I know you are better than this. When your heart goes crazy, drink some cold water and wash your face. Have you tried writing your feelings and writing down how you feel and how she is hurting u? Then take it and crumble it with anger and throw it away. Do you go out? Do u have any friends?

I been out quite a few times and when I do go out I usually talk to a lot of girls. But I guess I'm very cautious for what type of girl I want. And Since breakup first month I was to scared to go out The only place I felt safe was at home. I have come out of my shell and can go out all the time now but I've been working on my house for the past 3 months. Now that I'm finish with it I'm going to put myself on the dating seen again. I guess I am a little worried about giving my heart to someone again. But I'm to the point were it's a priority to date rite away like I was in the beginning. And I did have ALOT( I was very popular) of friends before I met my ex within the 5 yrs I lost touch with a lot of them and some of my close friends now are starting to call me now. At first they didn't call because the no she's coming back again and they think they no I'll take her back. One of my best friends still won't call back to hang out. He'll call maybe once a month because he's sick of the hole thing. I don't know, sometime I think I can't believe she did this to me again. Maybe she did me a favor buy doing this again?

I think she is doing you a favor. It sounds like you also had to lose contact with your friends because of her. That is not at all healthy. I felt better at home as well. I'm starting to come out the shell as well. I'm also afraid of falling in love again. When the time is right, it will happen anyway, so we can't control that. Plus you still feel this way because you are still early on the process. You're doing great so far. Keep it up. Nobody can grasp the idea how someone can be there and then suddenly gone especially after the talks about many subjects and all. It hurts. Just hang in there. Believe me, this is the best route! You'll make it, I know you will!

That's how I am starting to look at my situation... Sometimes it's hard to see... but I really think I am better off without this person's lack of respect in my world. She probably is doing you a favor... maybe you'll see it more as more time goes by? There have got to be better people out there.

Hurtingalot is right. There have to be better people out there... There are like 5 billion other women in the world. Half of those must be better... lol

Hurtingalot is right. There have to be better people out there...There are like 5 billion other women in the world. Half of those must be better...lol
Thanks Emo and Hurting for putting back on the rite track.

Tal please don't yell, but was mowing lawn yesterday too get ready to take pictures to put house up for sale today and again she went out of her way to drive buy. When I looked up I saw her and she waved (a trickeling of the fingers type wave) I hesitated but did a small wave back, close to my stomach wave back. I don't think she saw me wave back to her. At first I really didn't wan't to wave to her but I guess it was habit. Now that I have seen her I been thinking of her more intensely of all the good times we had together. I don't want her back but since yesterday I've seem to be missing her more. And if she did see me wave back to her did I just open the door for her.

No, it was just a wave. You really need to get out of that neighborhood. It is not helping you at all to see her! She has all the power. You are a man... You need to be in control. This is not healthy. Please try to keep moving on.

She has all the power. You are a man...You need to be in control. I'm still missing her a lot but you are rite I'm the man and I need to be in control because if/when she comes back I will be able to say NO!

Exactly. If you let her know you are hurting and waiting she will never come back. You need to show her you mean business... Heck, you need to show it to yourself! Move on. You think it's easy for me? I'm trying really hard too. If you hang out with other girls, pretty ones, and take them to your house and talk to them and have a good time, your ex will be forgotten and she will be jealous and she will know the mistake she made. She will regret it, maybe. If not then you were better off. But you won't know anything until you move on, and not care what she thinks of you. It's the only way to get yourself back! Don't let any person do this to you. You deserve the best. Don't grow up to be miserable and old. Be happy! Imagine being with someone else who gives you great sex, calls you and tells you they want to spend the night with you so bad. And that they can't wait to the next day to see you and go bowling or mini-golf. Or to decorate and paint the house together. She'll ask you if you want her to cook for you. She'll strip for you and make you happy, and then you treat this one right and don't make the same mistakes as before. And you make this one work, you give her everything she wants. The both of you will be happy. But you have to let go of this terrible situation and person before you find the perfect girl. You owe it to yourself! Live!! Live!! You're not promised tomorrow so go find your present!

Those who have read my threads know it's been a little over 4 months since my ex fiancé dumped me again. Why do I feel like I'm not getting any better. When I'm busy I'm fine but when I'm alone I still miss and love her so much. How long does this take. What if I never get over her. I don't know It just seems like the hurt in my heart is coming back again.

Im in the same boat with you man... its been 8 months for me. I have come to terms with the fact that I will always love her.

I would hold on to the hurt and the love so tight just so I could feel like I was close to her still... like somehow that made her still a part of my life.

It will be OK in time. I too think about her when I'm alone but not as often as I used to. I have friends that will call me and tell me to stop thinking and start living. Just give it time.

Do you still talk to her?

Im in the same boat with you man....its been 8 months for me. I have come to terms with the fact that i will always love her.

I would hold on to the hurt and the love so tight just so i could feel like i was close to her still....like somehow that made her still a part of my life.

It will be ok in time. I too think about her when im alone but not as often as i used to. I have friends that will call me and tell me to stop thinking and start living. Just give it time.

Do you still talk to her?
It's been 2 months of NC so far. She broke up with me 5-6 times and she is driving past house more often, she even had the nerve to wave to me last week. But every break up she plays mind games with me and then comes back.

Sure it is mind games? Maybe she just doesn't know how to let go and move on herself.
It sucks that she does that though because it makes it hard on you to move on. But keep doing what you are doing. No contact... its going to be hard but keep your friends close and call them when you get to down.

I know in my situation the reason its taking me so long is because she is still my best friend and we spend time hanging together. Haha... im sitting in the airport right now waiting for her to come pick me up. But in my case we both still love each other and want to work on it slowly... to see if we can work it out. Who knows... but I know I have to try. No regrets if I give it all I have.

Sure it is mind games? Maybe she just doesn't know how to let go and move on herself.
Since you said that I thought of all the times she broke up with me and always said she was miserable without me. A couple of months after breakup I contacted her and wanted her back she said obviosly we both are having trouble letting go. But that rite when I found this web site and everyone here making me see her for what she is. But I can't get past her golding, selfish ways. But every time she drives buy I think of her more and she no's it?

You can do it brother. Be strong. If she can't get past being self absorbed and selfish then she needs to grow a little more in life. You guys have tried many times but it looks like she hasn't taken a look at the relationship and reasoned out why it feel apart. If she did so she may have gained some insight which could have prevented the multiple breakups.

You can't change her and if she can't take a look at herself to make the changes... then you are doing the right thing and moving on.

Where you from?

You can do it brother. Be strong. If she can't get past being self absorbed and selfish then she needs to grow a little more in life. You guys have tried many times but it looks like she hasnt taken a look at the relationship and reasoned out why it feel apart. If she did so she may have gained some insight which could have prevented the multiple breakups.

You can't change her and if she can't take a look at herself to make the changes....then you are doing the right thing and moving on.

Where you from?
South side of Chicago

You will always have a special place in your heart for your loves. I myself know I have moved on from the past and the only way you can do this is by having no contact. When you are a new an improved person with a new drive for life, a better understanding of relationships and especially - NEVER GIVE 100 % of yourself! Then maybe you will meet again or find someone better yet.

Hey saab, seen you around the boards a few times but not got around to reading your posts yet, I will make a point of doing so later on.
In answer to this question (bear in mind I do not know your back story yet)...
I think no matter who you are, what your experiences are, you will always miss the person.its natural, and it happens to everyone.
I left my ex, we had been together over 5 years, but over time I knew that I didn't love him anymore.I was faced with staying with him as I felt sorry for hurting him, or be a woman and tell him the truth... it wasn't the best relationship ever, he was very moody,he would get upset at me for the smallest thing, as in if his dinner wasn't ready AS soon as he walked through the door, he would then completely ignore me for up to 2 weeks sometimes, all this in front of our son... so I ended it.
Its been 6 years since we split up, and almost two years since I have seen him face to face.
I will be the first to admit that I still think about him sometimes,not in a "get back together" way, and certainly not in a sexual way.. just the general wonder how he is doing,where he is in life kind of thing.
It does get easier with time, the more time that goes on the stronger you will feel.

hey saab, seen you around the boards a few times but not got around to reading your posts yet, i will make a point of doing so later on.
in answer to this question (bear in mind i do not know your back story yet)...
i think no matter who you are, what your experiences are, you will always miss the person.its natural, and it happens to everyone.
i left my ex, we had been together over 5 years, but over time i knew that i didnt love him anymore.i was faced with staying with him as i felt sorry for hurting him, or be a woman and tell him the truth...it wasnt the best relationship ever, he was very moody,he would get upset at me for the smallest thing, as in if his dinner wasnt ready AS soon as he walked through the door, he would then completely ignore me for up to 2 weeks sometimes, all this in front of our son...so i ended it.
its been 6 years since we split up, and almost two years since i have seen him face to face.
i will be the first to admit that i still think about him sometimes,not in a "get back together" way, and certainly not in a sexual way..just the general wonder how he is doing,where he is in life kind of thing.
it does get easier with time, the more time that goes on the stronger you will feel.
Thanks for taking an interest in all my threads. After you read them you'll probably say why I miss her still. But she no's I was good to her and her son. I just can't think of all the bad she did only the good things we all did together. I just wish the pain and the missing would just go away. I miss hugging, holding of hands and the cuddling. And when she said she loved me.

Any updates?

Any updates?
Last week she drove past my house on Thur and waved kind of like all fingers wiggleing look seductive to me but now I'm analizing everything she does now. The next day she drove past and seen house up for sale. The direction she drove from she went out of her way. Then this Mon and Tue she drove past at the same time both days. I guess to take her son swimming. Then yesterday her sons step brother came over, I didn't bring ex up but he did. He said has she drove but again I said No. He then said Oh she will drive by again. I told him I don't know how many times she drove by because I don't look for her on purpose. But again I'm analizing things, and thought it was weird he brought my ex up, because from the beginning of break up he never brought her up. So as far as I'm concern she STILL has control over me. I just can't wait until house is sold. But a lot of people believe she will be back soon now that house is up for sale. I'm just confused all over again?

Don't be, she is doing all she can to stay on your mind so ignore that. Just do as you planned and leave her alone.

I just wish the pain and the missing would just go away.
I think we all feel you on that one, buddy.

I miss hugging, holding of hands and the cuddling. And when she said she loved me.
Heal, and heal right, and someone will be along. That's why we say forget the past, and concentrate on being ready for the future.

I went on a blind date last night and she was a nice girl. I didn't think of ex at all on the date, which I was surprised. But when I was finished with the date I started comparing her looks and other things she said and did on the date. It's my first date in 5 years and was OK, She was nice but not for me, and when I got home I got upset and started missing ex. Then I started thinking I'm not going to meet anybody I likeMy ex was selfish and a golddigger but she did have some good qualities wich I miss and looking for in the next relationship; excluding the selfishness and golddigging. Is it normal to compare looks and some qualities you did like in ex with new person you date or meet.

Updates as of 5/25/07 to 6/11/07. Start buy saying she's driving buy a lot now waving when she can and now her son is starting to wave. When they do drive and wave I do not wave but look at her truck when she drives buy maybe because I'm in shock because she's doing this to me again. And this is when I'm outside I don't now how many other time she drives buy. But when I saw her last week and yesterday we were driving coming toward each other I didn't look at her but had sun glasses on and moved my eyes toward her not my head (To make her think I didn't care)and she turned her hole head toward me and she looked like she hasn't slept in weeks. She looked pale, very depressed, and sad looking. When I do go to match.com she has looked at my profile at least 3-4 times in the past week or so. And as of yesterday she has completley taking her profile off match.
When I did look at her profile a couple of weeks ago she changed and deleted things she is settling for any income level and she wrote new stuff on their that makes herself look desperate.

First question is why do I feel sorry for her and still care how she feels noing she threw me to the curb again and didn't care about my feeling when she did it?

Second question is when she drives buy I take leeps back and miss them more and more, But when I don't look or wave to them I feel like finally I am in control of me now and I'm standing up to her. (Acting like I don't care when I see them) I'm hurting more now then I did when they started the drive buys, but I would rather hurt then not standing up for myself?

Third question I know it doesn't matter now and I'm moving forward as best that I can under these circumstance and a lot better emotionally now then I was 2 months ago and from any one who no's my story and what I have said now, I guess my last question is my first origianl threadis do you think my ex fiancé is coming back again. I DON'T want her back but curious if she is. Personally I think she realizes how good she had it and probably thought every guy was going to fall to their knees when they saw her and her new boobs. Well I guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side again.

It's been 2 months of NC and I know it is wrong but, me and ex past each other yesterday she looked at me but didn't look at her. I went to get food and was coming home 10 min later and she was driving opposite direction again why, prbaly to see if I was going to grocery store, but when she looked me again she looked so sad and from the expression she gave me I think she knows again she made a mistake. But I just want to e-mail her to see how she is doing because she looks sooo sad. I no I can't take her back but she looked so beautiful and maybe we can be friends when I'm fully healed. What should I do?:confused:

I no I can't take her back but she looked so beautiful and maybe we can be friends when I'm fully healed. What should I do?:confused:


You said it right there... you aren't fully healed. Be strong and don't derail your progress. Her emotions are her problem now. You are not responsible any longer for her emotions. She lost that right when she left.

Sab... You know it won't be good. Leave it alone... Stay busy... I know how hard it is... I went through that stage and maybe still am. Keep us updated on this. Just don't contact her... This relationship is not good for you at all... Find someone you will be happy with everywhere you go, without this drama!

I know, I guess I miss her and love her still. I'm just so tired of how I feel. I'm having trouble sleeping again. I just wish she would have never started driving past house and on the street driving. I see her more now driving then we saw each other when we were together. I't just pisses me off she broke up with me again. I didn't do anything to deserve this.

How have you been? Still keeping busy with hobbies and friends? Going to the gym?

Don't break it, I made that mistake! Ignite her interest more by not bothering. Seriously do not even think about it until you don't give a sh*t, and you probably won't want to when your over her anyway, Leave her in her own confusion, let her wallow in it.

In the beginning I was down but after about 1.5 months I started getting better and keeping busy, I have a serious back problem so I'm limited to what I can do, but every time I see her now I miss her more and more, I think deep down inside I want her back. If you no my hole story from past break ups she did with me it looks there is 99.9% chance she coming back again, And quite frankly I don't know what I'll do if she does. Some time I hate my life.

Ive read your posts. She does have a pattern. But how long have you been going through this with her? How many months have you been on that emotional rollercoaster? How much torture have you put yourself through thinking about the situation?

You have a good start so far. It has been awhile since you have talked to her. Stay the course.

Stay with the no contact, SAB, or it will only delay your healing. Stay on the path and get ALL of your health back.

Now that she is driving by more, you know she is missing you... The more you continue the more she will miss you and who knows what she will do, but don't expect anything anyway. You are doing great but if u give in before her, it shows her you are weak... Show her once and for all who is the man and move on. You can do it. Don't be sad. You are awesome and I'm sure if you spoke to people in the world they would love to be around you and hear from you. Take that chance instead of wasting it on this drama. There is so much more out there for you especially since you are moving soon... Did you ever sell your house? What happened?

A couple of months ago I did let go and was doing fine for a couple of weeks but I'm having trouble letting go again, she was my first love so from what I have read on these post I't takes longer to get over the first one. But I miss all the good times we all had together?

Now that she is driving by more, you know she is missing you...The more you continue the more she will miss you and who knows what she will do, but dont expect anything anyway. You are doing great but if u give in before her, it shows her you are weak...Show her once and for all who is the man and move on. You can do it. Don't be sad. You are awesome and I'm sure if you spoke to people in the world they would love to be around you and hear from you. Take that chance instead of wasting it on this drama. There is so much more out there for you especially since you are moving soon...Did you ever sell your house? What happened?
Not yet a lot of people are looking and some are interested but not yet. I just can't wait until I sell it. And yes you are rite I'm not going to contact her she broke up with me, if anybody should be concerned about any feelings it should be her worried about how I feel.

Seriously, don't break it. I would be far better than I am now if I hadn't of broken it and by all means she mite even have come back? I would have said no to ;P

You will regret it! She won't forget you, do you forget your 3rd or fourth teacher or random school memories? No way, would you forget someone who you were with for 6 months to a few years? No way hah!

So lets get healed first. When you can honestly say your over her - who knows how long it will take, then perhaps you may want to catch up. You both need to explore, maybe meet other people, my ex is doing so. Who knows what the future holds, I don't want one with my ex.

Well, I did not contact her I feel pretty good in a way but saw her again yesterday and missing her a lot. Maybe she wants to come back but feels stupid for breaking up with me again and don't know how to come back. But going to Chicago on one my friends friend boat that will definitely keep my mind off her. Hopefully will meet some nice looking chicks.

She broke up with you its her problem not yours. So deal with it! Fck your ex, fck my ex we deserve better.

If she wants to come back, she will find a way. You shouldn't want her back. My gosh, she put you through all this and you are still thinking of taking her back. You can be so much happier with another. What she does to you isn't healthy. You should be darn glad she left and made it easier for you. Don't feel bad for her by saying maybe she doesn't know how to come back. If she wants you she will do anything in her power to get you back! Anybody would especially if they love you. But enough is enough with this one. Try to forget her. She makes you miserable! I bet I can make you happier and I'm a guy. Imagine another WOMAN! You have it in you SAB123! Go get this great life of yours!!

If she wants to come back, she will find a way. You shouldn't want her back. My gosh, she put you through all this and you are still thinking of taking her back. You can be so much happier with another. What she does to you isn't healthy. You should be darn glad she left and made it easier for you. Don't feel bad for her by saying maybe she doesn't know how to come back. If she wants you she will do anything in her power to get you back! Anybody would especially if they love you. But enough is enough with this one. Try to forget her. She makes you miserable! I bet I can make you happier and I'm a guy. Imagine another WOMAN! You have it in you SAB123! Go get this great life of yours!!!
Thanks Emo, what you said made me laught and some of the other posts you put on here for other people made me laugh on some. That's what I need to laugh I think everyone here needs a good laugh.

I feel so hurt rite now but better the Friday. To start my ex's sons step brother kept driving past my house Fri at least 3 times. Then I'm sitting in back yard and he pulled over. I asked what up with ex and he said with a stupid grin on his face she has a boyfriend now, he drives a jeep with big, big tires on them. Then just leaves. Then a couple yours later neighbor said she drove past. I cried for 4 hours straight. Then Sat he comes over again to see how I'm managing with the sitiation then leaves acouple minutes later. She has me thinking of her so much, I'm so jealous and hurt my heart is hurting again. I don't know if she's making it up or what. I can't see my high maintenance ex driving around in a jeep. But I broke NC today and emailed her and said I hope everything works out with you and new boyfriend. That was about 6 hours ago. Either she doesn't have boyfriend or she's too much of a coward to e-mail me back.I think I'm back at square one and I think I want her back.

Im sorry that you are going through this pain all over again. It was wrong of him to come over and say that. He did it to hurt you. But I don't think that she has a new BF... I think that was just a means to get a reaction from you and hurt you. She may have even been behind it.

I don't think that breaking no contact was the best thing to do but you can't undo the past. I can understand that you want her back but given the past do you really think that would be in your best interest? She has yet again found a way to hurt you and put off your progress at healing.

SAB... my friend... think of yourself. Look at how long you have been hurting. How much you have suffered at her expense. You deserve to be happy. Do you think she is really capable of making you happy?

Not no more, my mom and sister say the same thing she behind it. I'm so jealous rite now and she has me driving some what to her house but far enough she can't see me. And I have not seen any monster jeep their. I mean why would he even bring the guy has this monster truck. I just want to go home and drink and cry for a while. I just can't get her out of my mine now. If she was dating him why would she drive past my house a lot and even go out of her way. When I see her driving she looks depressed all the time. And how come she doesn't e-mail me back. If she was seeing some one why would she say yes I'm dating move on. I just miss and love her so much.

Oh SAB... Nothing to worry about. Just stay strong at this point of your life. I know it's difficult. Everything will be okay my friend.. Just hang in there! I'm here for you!

I believe she's making this up but the thought of another guy kissing and all over my ex makes me sick. I thought love was forever. I'm so depressed rite now I don't care about anything any more. If she's coming back for gods sake come back now then I can make descion I hate this.

Relax... Try moving on... She isn't coming back... You know this.

Why does she do this to me I DID not do anything to her. If I'm a guy I not going to go to friends house ask how he's managing then leave, That's the only question he asked me and left. My garage door was open and taliking to neighbors at about 10:30 at night. I was gone all day and got home around 9:30 I drove past her house to see if any guy was their, both her mom and ex car was in the street, they have a drive way. THeir was no guy and they were home swimming May be she saw my truck and called him up. Now I'm analizing every thing again.

Why does she do this to me I DID not do anything to her. .


Not to be a jerk SAB... but you are letting her do this to you. Don't. You know what the right thing to do is. Just do it!

Relax...Try moving on...She isn't coming back...You know this.
I'm going again to move on but why does she keep driving past my house. If I broke up with her I wouldn't drive past her house. Plus with a girlfriend I wouldn't drive past.

It's been 2 months of NC and I know it is wrong but, me and ex past each other yesterday she looked at me but didn't look at her. I went to get food and was coming home 10 min later and she was driving opposite direction again why, prbaly to see if I was going to grocery store, but when she looked me again she looked so sad and from the expression she gave me I think she knows again she made a mistake. But I just want to e-mail her to see how she is doing because she looks sooo sad. I no I can't take her back but she looked so beautiful and maybe we can be friends when I'm fully healed. What should I do?:confused:
From personal experience, the worst thing you can do for yourself and the person you were with is to make that call and try to reconnect. If the relationship is over, leave it alone. A breakup of a LT relationship, marriage, etc is like a death and people must grieve over the loss. You aren't weak to show compassion, but in the end it would probably be better for both of you not to have any contact. Take a deep breath and delve into a new activity. Change your habits or develop new ones and move on.

Not to be a jerk SAB....but you are letting her do this to you. Don't. You know what the right thing to do is. Just do it!
I know I'm doing this to myself I guess deep down I want her back and I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe I'm lonely and if she not making this up, upset she found someone before I did.

I just want to be loved again I'm tired of seeing people holding hands and kissing. I miss this so much. Before she started driving by 6 weeks ago I started getting my confindence back. Now I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

I just want to be loved again I'm tired of seeing people holding hands and kissing. I miss this so much. Before she started driving by 6 weeks ago I started getting my confindence back. Now I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

I know where you are coming from... I feel this way a lot lately as well. It's a hard thing to feel. But Im trying to take it as an opportunity for personal growth. To realize that I can be strong on my own. That I can have all those things but my happiness does not depend on those things. I stumble a lot... im not perfect but I don't fail because I keep trying.

I just wish I new what she was thinking and her intentions are. If she is dating, I can't believe she has moved on this fast.

I just wish I new what she was thinking and her intentions are. If she is dating, I can't belive she has moved on this fast.


You don't really know if she is dating first of all. Second there is no way to know what she is thinking and you should waste your time.

That being said... I understand. Its hard. But you know what you have to do. You are priority #1.

I guess I'll take it one day at a time again. And deal with what comes my way when it happens. I just can't believe this has happened again for the 5-6 time. Why can't she make up her mind of what she wanted years ago. When He did tell me she has boyfriend I said to him F**k her, I guess if she has moved on this fast she never loved me any ways. And she can take that engagement ring and shove it up her A**.

Don't waste your time anymore! Seriously... Your be dead one day, don't waste your time, every second wasted is one you won't get bck.

It's just hard I can't let go of her.

Why not? Pull yourself together man. Go out now and go to the gym, go do something...

I'm feeling a lot better today, had a couple of beers last night and put everything into perspective.I thought about how my life would be with her if we got married and it would have been her way or the highway. It doesn't matter no more. Even if she wants to come back I will never take her back. She's evil for playing with my head. I have let go for good
Now.I feel a little jealous but I feel OK if she's dating someone. It won't last any ways. The person she dates will realize what kind of a selfish, high maintenance, bipolar b***h she is. She probably feels pretty good now that he told me she has a boyfriend. But I don't care I am moving on and one day she will get her day to see me happy with a nice girl and she'll be miserable with her life. Hell if she couldn't make it work with me it won't work with anybody else. I just put up with her crap. But my sister is having a party on the 30th and inviting a lot of single girls. I guess once I start hanging out with other girls and see how nicer the are then ex, I probably say what the hell was I doing with her. But I don't feel like I'm back at square on no more. I'm feeling relived in away.

I want to start buy saying thanks to Tal, Chuff, Hair, Jiser, Manammoth, Emo and everyone else that has given me advise here on this site. But I need to take a break out of this site, Like Mac it just reminds me of her when I'm on here.

I found this site 3 1/2 months ago looking for advice, and for people to tell me yes she's coming back again. I no everyone has told me she not a nice person. But I guess I still wanted her back, even after all the advise I got here. But it is trully time to let go of her. She is my first love and maybe that's why I am having trouble letting go of her. But deep down inside she is not for me. Although I think of all the good times we all had together, she is a selfish, high maintenance, used me and maniplative person. I can't / don't hate her in fact I will always love her and her son. She is who she is, like I am who I am and I can't fault her. I do know that one day she will want to be friends after she goes through break up after break up even closure. She will not get either from me. Not to be mean but for her not hurt me ever again. We didn't always get into arguments and she was good to me most of the time. Maybe one day we could be friends but probably not, I'm sure one day when I have a new girlfriend she would not like that.

I know I will be on here again hopefully never asking questions about another break up. Hopefully on the dating and one day the marrige site getting opinions on how to make thinks work in a relationship. Because this break up and the other 5 break ups she had with me where and still are painful. I just wish she would have let go of me that first break up. But it was my fault for taking her back. But what done is done. Know I must trully let go and try not to think of her no more that is why I have to try to stay off here for a while. I do know I will be good in a few months. :)

Good for you!

I think you shouldn't leave the site yet... You have so much going on still... I think it's best you stay for another month or two before u leave.

I Think this is what is best for now. I will probably check in once a week to check to see if anybody responds to my threads. Or if I can't deal with my emotions I probably will return but I don't think that will be a problem anymore. I hope.

Hey SAB, never reply on any of your treads before but seeing you are leaving, I said to myself I have to post something for you.

I know it's so much up and down even AFTER the breakup because we still bear hope and wish things will work out our way. All the signals that we got from the ex may mean nothing to them but for us, we for sure will over react or take it as something big or some sort of a hints that they WILL come back, just a matter of time.

My ex-bf (yes, bf; and yes, I was his boyfriend before too :) ) changed his attitude towards me and I thought initially it maybe a good thing, but giving it a second thoughts, maybe he already moved on and let go... he is just trying to maintain a very low level of friendship now.

I truly value all the replies and everything that I've read from other treads because I learned a lot from there... but keep reading sometimes made me too confused about my own situation as well. I think you are right, too much information / advice may just keep reminding you about her.

So take care SAB, I know that one day, some day, you will stand up on your feet again and you will definitely let this whole thing be "history" and become a new man. All the best for you SAB.

I think I'll also drift away for a while... I need to heal and stand back on my feet as well. I can't take my thoughts off him... I still love him, and I still miss him a lot.

All the best :) Don't forget you are the one in control of your destiny. Make your life happen FOR YOU and no one else. You don't have to prove anything to anyone and make changes for you not your ex! If she happens to find out about changes and good things then who cares? Things can only get better, with NC you will have less confusion. Onwards and upwards my friend, good luck and keep busy!

I just spent the last couple hours reading my story here. One thing I see different about me is from reading my letters to ex by allheart the anger I have for her is fading so I think that is a good sign. And when I read all my threads I feel I have a void but by reading them from start to where I am now I feel that it's better we are a part. Everyone here and my friends, family and even me now are seeing her for what she is. Maybe I should have kept reading my threads from start to finish more. I think if I meet someone I could give that person 100% now.

I've decided to stay here and right down and vent when needed but will limit my time. I think this will be a good place to come back to months from now and see my progress and really see her for what she is. Maybe a couple time a week.

Its good to let go but not RUNAWAY from a community that helps each other out.. people need your advice... what makes this site great is giving advice to each other.. due to past expierances LET GO, but don't understand running away will not do much either GOOD LUCK

Sab you have to do what's best for you. If you think leaving is best then you must do it. Personally I feel like it gives me strength and makes me more aware of my own life to give advice here because it forces me to see how human being interact and how to act and react in certain situations. As you've probably noticed most of the issues on this board are ultimately very similar. I think most people get so caught up in there own lives they lose site of the bigger picture which is why many of them are so surprised when they get dumped or something bad happens to them.

You can learn a lot for yourself by helping out others and thinking "What would I do here" or "What is really going on here that the poster doesn't see" and then that actually helps you in your own life. That has been my experience anyway.

But I agree that sometimes you must take a break, and if this site reminds you of her then you need to start putting some new things in your life. Sometimes the best way to "reset" yourself is just to start over stop doing your daily routine. If this has become part of that routine or if you have a negative reaction coming here because of her then let go of it for awhile. Good luck.

EXACTLY Chuff and if everyone left , who would be around to help all the poor newbies in need of no contact!
Poor Tal you would be left with your hands full ;-)

Ha ha

Okkk lets do that ;-)

Let me just say what patient and nice people Tal and you are Chuff to go through most of the posts and give such great indepth advice. Amazing!

Anyhow that's all my niceness for today lol:)

Yes I have decided to stay and help out the newbies and others who have been around since I have been on. But for my situation I think I will be OK. She is actually pushing me away from her now. Her sons step brother drove past my back yard then turned around, then acouple hours later he did the same thing. Then a couple hours later the ex drove past slowely. Now I know she doesn't have a boyfriend and son's step brother was sent to do this. But I don't care know more she is pushing me further away from her and that is ggod for me. Last night is first time I didn't dream of her and slept through the night. But I am going to stay here and help others like I was helped.

I Think have made a huge leap in my healing. Yesterday, was missing her. Was in back yard and saw her sons step brother driving buy, so I ran into house. He drove past my back yard turned around and went past front of house. A couple of hours later he does the samIe thing. Then a couple hours later my ex drives past slow. The way she was coming she went out of her way. As she was driving past last night I thought to myself what is her problem. I believe she is starting to push me away. I had a great night sleep. And I don't think I had one dream about her. And usaully I think of her all the time and I haven't really a lot today. I just hope I can feel like this all the time. But analyized the hole She has a boyfriend thing. I think she put him up to it. And it doesn't bother me any more.

Why is she f******g with me. As you know 6 days ago my ex's sons step brother came over and I asked how she was and said with a grin on his face she has a boyfriend and he drives a jeep with big tires. Then left He got that out and left. The Next night I drove past her house because I was jealous and wanted see if it was true. No jeep she was home swimming. A hour later step brother came to my house and only aske this question and left rite away. He said How are you coping with it. I said I'm OK and he left. I wasn't crying just long day and no sleep from night before. But my eyes were sad looking. Which they were.But yesterday, was in back yard and saw her sons step brother driving buy, so I ran into house. He drove past my back yard turned around and went past front of house. A couple of hours later he does the same thing. Then a couple hours later my ex drives past slow. The way she was coming she went out of her way. As she was driving past last night I thought to myself what is her problem. I still miss her but I think she is starting to push me away. I had a great night sleep. And I don't think I had one dream about her. And usaully I think of her all the time and I haven't really a lot today. I just hope I can feel like this all the time. But analyized the hole she has a boyfriend thing. I think she put him up to it. And it doesn't bother me any more. But why does she keep doing this, even if she has a boyfriend witch makes me sooo jealous keep doing this. If I had a girl friend I would care less about that person I broke up with. I did let go of her last night again and feel good about myself now. For how long I don't know but why is she doing this.

P.S.-My sistuation may be a little different then most peoples here (Read all my threads to know hole story) But for you new comers that read this,Remember I asked him about my ex and he told me she has a boyfriend now. I still get upset but this is why NC and wanting to check up on ex is not a good idea. You may not like what you see or hear. Although she may be making this up It still hurts like hell. NC all the way to you are healty.

Its simple really. She misses you. She still has feelings for you.

I would say that she doesn't have a boyfriend. I think the brother was put up to getting info on you because she isn't over you at all. She drives past... she puts her brother up to seeing how you are. She makes up this story about a BF to see if you still care. Maybe to even get you to make a move.

Simple answer is she isn't over you at all. She in fact is kind of obsessed with you. She has jerked you around 6 times already. She sounds like she wants round 7.

The question is... has she worked out her problems... has she even begun to heal herself. And do you want to put yourself through any of this again.

In the 5 years we were together she has managed to ruin 3 summers for me. Being depressed most of the time this summer will be a little better by me further in my healing process. This is the furthest she has let me heal. She did tell me once she always had another guy lined up before she broke up with anybody. She told me every break up she has respect for me not to do this. I know I shouldn't have emailed her and told her hope everything works out between you and newboyfriend. I was just so angry and jealous when I found out. And in the past 6 weeks she has drove buy or stared at me while we saw each other driving I have not waved when she does or looked when she looks at me. Which was harder then hell.

Keep up the good work... I'm still not convinced you're going out as often as you should... watch movies... go out man... u'll be surprised how good it feels going out all clean and good looking!

You are right I should be going out more then I am. One minute I'm fine then I get down on myself and don't feel like it. But I am going to force myself to go out. Like Thur. Going out to beer garden with some buddies. I hope I meet some nice pretty girls their.

Yea... Just focus on having a good time... Let the ladies want to see you... Not the other way around!

Sab... brother... focus on you.

You know all the reasons you shouldn't be with her. I know it is hard because you still have all these emotions there. Its hard to let them go... to have someone you care about break that sacred trust... to wake up everyday not having them beside you.

I know it is tough being alone. We all want someone to be there... someone to hold and love. Someone to love us and care about us. But you and I know that she wasn't the one to do that. You deserve better.

Just realize this. She was a weight around your neck. Always pulling you down with her actions. She kept your emotions up in the air... she kept your life chaotic.

You now have a chance to start over. To get your emotions back to normal. Drop that weight that is around your shoulders. Make decisions based on what you want and what makes you happy.

Just let her go.

I did let her go and feel better. But last night I had 3 dreams about her 2 of them where the same dream. We where laying beside each other she wanted me back and I said no she started crying and I took her back. Then my pain went away again. S**t like this keeps me thinking of her and when I see her driving. I don't think I want her back but sometimes I wish I could hug and give her a kiss one last time.

It's been over 4.5 months. I know she's wrong for me, but why can't I let her go and move on with my life. Although this 6th break up is a little easir then others but I still hurt and miss her.

Wow... Another post? Why don't you just continue from your other one. We will read it... Anyway... You have a good job and all. Go out more... Thats it. Get busy!

You crack me up Emo, I needed to laugh rite now, Thanks Buddy. I just yhink of how pretty she is and the way she hugged and held me. Sometimes I wish she would come back and put the ball back into my court.

I know right? I hear you man... But we are Men... We have to be tougher than this. Get this song by Des'ree It's called you got to be... look for it.

I know how you feel SAB, I was with my X for about 5 years. I've been with my current g/f for about 3 years now, and I still find myself thinking of my X a LOT. Granted, its not near as often, but there are still times I just sit and think about how much fun we used to have. I've learned to try to use that as motivation though, maybe you could do the same. Like when I think of when we went on a trip somewhere, I think of how great it was. So then I try to make an even better memory with my new g/f, instead of going to one place, for one night, we'll go to 5 places in a week.

Wow I wish I could still want my ex then at least id want sum1 lol read my post brecause my situation is a lot different then yours but I still feel bad about it.

It's tough. I'm in a similar situation right now. We are great together, but it can't work because of our age difference. She's wrestling with someday becoming a mom and I'm too old for that. I feel helpless because there are so many things I can do naturally to help build our relationship, but I can't do anything about the age difference. Yeah, I know the stars can do it... nannys etc. Are you unable to move on because you are in love with her, or you obsessed with her. There is a big difference. I'm dealing with this question a lot.

It's tough. I'm in a similar situation right now. We are great together, but it can't work because of our age difference. she's wrestling with someday becoming a mom and I'm too old for that. I feel helpless because there are so many things I can do naturally to help build our relationship, but I can't do anything about the age difference. Yeah, I know the stars can do it......nannys etc. Are you unable to move on because you are in love with her, or you obsessed with her. There is a big difference. I'm dealing with this question a lot.
Because I am in love with her. If you read my other post I don't know if she has a new boy friend but if not she is obsessed with me.

I was doing pretty good but ever since my ex's sons step brother told me she has a so called boyfriend I feel unwanted, a little jealous, and wanting her back now. Why?

Have u not taken any advise yet?

In the beginning I was but when she started driving buy waving 2.5 months after break up that is when I started missing and wanting her back again?

LET GO MY FRIEND... It's over... Even if she comes back it's still over... Move on... I hope to hear on Monday that you went out at least twice to have a good time.

In the beginning I was but when she started driving buy waving 2.5 months after break up that is when I started missing and wanting her back again?
You are letting her stay on your mind, and not following the advice of other posts and staying busy. How many cars do you see driving by, and then see hers? If you where busy and getting a life that you enjoy without her, you would not be aware that she drives by, nor would you care.

It just suck... The fact she maybe messing around with some other dude now hurts. I just wonder if she still thinks of me. That would make me feel better. I just need to find a nice pretty girl to get my mind her! I think maybe I'm in shock, Ever since my ex's sons step brother came over and said she had a boyfriend I have been thinking of her more. Maybe I'm jealous. Well I got some what over the first stage I think once it settles in I'll be fine.

Yea... You'll be fine... Try not thinking about it so much... Do u have a car?

Yea...You'll be fine...Try not thinking about it so much...Do u have a car?30th Anniversary Trans Am with T-Tops... Chick magnet :)

My ex is with some other gimp now. My loss no way! Get a life where your happy alone. One day someone else will come.

SAB.. Would you go to stores together and would she watch you shave while you are shaving? Would you massage her feet and carress her? Would you sing to her and drive her around? Would you help her do things and she help you?

You know... it's kind of a (editing language here) ummm... crappy thing for her to go by waving. Hun, if this is the 6th breakup you are better off without her. How long would it be, if she came back, until the next? Life is too short for that kind of thing...

SAB..Would you go to stores together

Yes, and she took FOR ever and spent a lot of money.(most of the time)


and would she watch you shave while you are shaving?

If she was their and I did, yes.


Would you massage her feet and carress her?

Yes, This is one thing I miss the most and the holding her in my arms when we slept together and the kissing.


Would you sing to her

I sang Faithfully by Journey to her when we first met (Our Wedding Song)


and drive her around?

Yes


Would you help her do things

Most of the time


and she help you?

NO she never did nothing or helped me? (Well... A few times)

Sab please common move on now? She's gone so get busy and happy.

You can make some other girl happy SAB. Somebody who feels the way you do... She is dying for you to find her. Go make her happy and find her. The girl you don't know is the one for you. She is waiting for you! Are you going to find her or dwell in the terrible, confusing, non-caring past? I hope you choose wisely!

It's been over 4.5 months. I know she's wrong for me, but why can't I let her go and move on with my life. Although this 6th break up is a little easir then others but I still hurt and miss her.
I am going throgh the same things right now. I No people say not to be friends with some one after a break up but I think you should. It will take some of the pain away

I think I'm moving forward. Weekend went pretty good. I stayed busy didn't even think a lot about her. Then Sun night I just wanted to relax in my back yard. Then my ex's sons step brother drove buy looked but kept driving. Then 30 min later my ex and her son were on their bikes riding buy, I was so shocked that she did this. She looked at me and I looked at her she looked sad. I got upset that she was sad, and thought I wish I was on my bike with them as a family again. She looked so beautiful. But I'm starting to question myself a little if I want her back. So I know I'm healed more then I thought.

Its Hard To Get Over Your First Love That's Why I Refuse To Let Mine Go... if You Feel That The Relationship Isn't Right You Need To Just Let It Go... I Feel You Shouldn't Be Friends With That Person Eitgher... that Was My Mistake We Broke Up But I Wanted To Continue To Be Friends With Him And That Hasn't Done Anything But Make Me Grow Stronger Feelings For Him... the Only Thing You Can Do Is Stay Busy All The Time... find Something To Do To Occupy Your Time... I Wish You The Best Of Luck...

Sometimes, I wish I was like most here. Everyone telling me NO she's not coming back.

I Don't Think I Would Give Up On My Ex... if You Feel In Your Heart You Two Are Meant To Be Together Then Don't Give Up... the Only Thing You Could Do Is Expect The Worst So Then If The Worst Does Happen You Would Have Already Expected It... whats Suppose To Happen Will Happen... if You Feel That She's Wrong For You Then Why Would You Want To Be With Her? If You Feel You Won't Accomplish Anything With Her Then You Need To Let Her Go...

It's been over 4.5 months. I know she's wrong for me, but why can't I let her go and move on with my life. Although this 6th break up is a little easir then others but I still hurt and miss her.
Good question. When you find out please let me know. It's been 2 years since my ex and I split. Seven months ago I stopped all contact with him and yet I still think of him and wonder how he's doing. I have moved on in my life but my heart is still his. God this sucks! I truly feel for you.

I think it is always not easy to find some one whom you can love very much.I have been into a hand full of relationships.but finally I got to know that the person I love the most wasthe first one only and rest are not my love , but I am with them cz I have to be with them.I cry for only one person, although he isn't with me anymore...
Well talking about u, I think you should keep going with someone ,whom you are with now. And the time will come when you will comletely forget her ,as it is just less time gone so far... n it will take someitme .well I would suggest that ,when you love someone ,just give him or her full independence don't run after him or her,if that person luvs you or misses u ,he or she will come back to u,no matter how long it takes.
Give her time and see what happens ,in the meanwhile you keep going with whom you like and are at present with. ;)

And you know what , it was all between us. And guess what ! He himself called me some months ago and shoed negative response , now we guys email each other,cz he isn't stable without me... lets see I think we will patch up.if we don't , then its OK ,am contended with life..








Hay just wait for the right moment to come .and as I said before. Just wait and keep your life going at the same and enjoy with others as well. But don't get serious with anyone ,cz if you get serious (altho you won't as your heart seems there only ) ;)... but keep enjoying around ,if she gets back its wonderful, if not then you keep going.


MAN LIFE DOES NOT STOP IT KEEPS GOING!

Personally, I think she is never going to let go of me. But I have to keep focused and keep moving forward without her. Deep down I know I'm healing. The pain is going away I think.

Ok, want to hear this from a woman? Do not put up with this... do you think she would put up with this from you? She sounds very conceited, snobbishrude, and conniving. I don't tell my husband he has to do all that stuff for me. If that's how she truly is, you're better off without her. The saddest note in this is the fact that her little boy is being dragged through this as well. That isn't your fault. If she calls don't answer. Be strong, stand up for yourself...

Keep going!

I do feel better noing she still cares about me and not dating anyone. Actually it was a big ego boost for me.

The only way to get an ex back, is to concentrate on yourself.

Go out on dates, have fun, take up new hobbies. Do all the things that she said you would never do.

Do not wallow in self pity, or beg her to come back, or constantly think about her. Nobody can tell you what the future holds. But I can tell you one thing - concentrating on yourself, and improving your own life is essential. If this doesn't bring her back, then it doesn't matter. You have probably attracted someone else by improving your own life. Make sense?

The only way to get an ex back, is to concentrate on yourself.

Go out on dates, have fun, take up new hobbies. Do all the things that she said you would never do.

Do not wallow in self pity, or beg her to come back, or constantly think about her. Nobody can tell you what the future holds. But I can tell you one thing - concentrating on yourself, and improving your own life is essential. If this doesn't bring her back, then it doesn't matter. You have probably attracted someone else by improving your own life. Make sense?



Why is it so easy for guys to go and date other or talk to other females when were broken up but then if the female does it the male finds out about it were wrong...

I broke contact again today, but this time I feel pretty good. I asked if she was OK because when she road her bike past my house she looked at me with sad face. Plus why is she riding past my house in the first place. She wrote back and said, she was in a committed relationship and not to e-mail her any more. And said thanks if I was happy she had some one. Personally I think she is lying from what she has done with drive buys and the bike ride past my house. If I was dating someone I would not go past ex's house. But this time is different, I'm not up set and lately I have been thinking of her less and less. I think I'm finely getting over her. Because when she said she was now in a committed relationship something hit me, IF she is dating someone she has moved on, and that showed me Im wasting time and life on one woman. What the HELL was I doing, I think its time for me to start dating and find someone better for me. Because in the e-mail I did send I was nice to her. So in time when this dude figures out how she is I will be happy without her. Then mybe she will e-mail me. But I won't care then about her. I am finely starting to see her for what she is? I will be giving my opionion her on this site, So this will be my last post about my Ex Fiance but it is now time to move forward and not ever talk or bring my ex up ever again. For her what comes around goes around? My mom thinks my ex thinks I'm still not over her and she can put me on hold a little longer now that I have contacted her. She know I'm not dating either so let me think she dating to keep my mine on her. No, not know more I'm done with her and her games. So thank you to all those who have gotten me this far, now it's up to me to let go for good and when she drive by again, I won't be home and if I am I WILL ignore her like I have been.

P.S. If it is true, I feel sooooo sorry for this new guy. Because she's going to do the same thing to him.

It doesn't bother me no more she drives or rides past my house any more. Quite frankly I don't care any more. I have moved on and don't want her back. I say I am 95% over her. But when she drives buy and I am outside should I wave to her with a smile, like I don't care, because I don't. I would never take her back after doing what she's doing now.

Don't start anything you can't finish, as she may take your friendly gesture as a sign to start talking again, but NO CONTACT does not mean anti-social. You must decide if you can handle the consequences of your own actions. A very good time to be honest with yourself.

Why would you want to wave back after all she put you through. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. Stay strong! We're in this together!

T-Man... Why would it be bad for her to start talking to him? Isn't that what he wants?

I guess if I do see her I will smile without waving unless she waves which I doubt because when she started waving 4 weeks ago I did not wave back. Plus after the e-mail I wrote a couple days ago I thinks she thinks I want her back and I don't. I just don't want her to think I'm weak and have not moved on. Which I have.

You have not moved on yet... You are almost there though.

Why would you want to wave back after all she put you through. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. Stay strong! We're in this together!
I believe she still thinks I want her back, and I DO NOT want to give her ant ego boost.

You have not moved on yet...You are almost there though.
Yes I have moved on and do not want her back.

I'm sorry SAB123... I really am... I have no idea why I said that. I guess I'm just down and I'm thinking you are me.If you say you have then what do I know. I'm still confused... I am pretty sure I don't want her but I miss things the way they were, so I'm half over it... I don't know why it hit me today for? I think it's because I'm not getting attention from many pretty girls. I'm wishing you the best my friend! Thank you for posting on my page... I had to vent... I was going nuts... lol I love this site! So what are your plans for today?

I Have moved on and don't want her back. I will never speak to her again, she made sure sure I new she had a boyfriend then contiues to drive and ride past my house. It's I would never do that to her even when she broke up with me. It's like she rubbing it in my face and she thinks she making me jealous, she is not. Personally I think she is starting to get signs of mental illness like her mom. Every time I see her she looks at me with a sad face. What she sooo sad about she says she has a boyfriend. AHHH! She such a user and game player. I am sooooo happy without her now.

I'm sorry SAB123...I really am...I have no idea why I said that. I guess I'm just down and I'm thinking you are me.If you say you have then what do I know. I'm still confused...I am pretty sure I don't want her but I miss things the way they were, so I'm half over it...I don't know why it hit me today for? I think it's because I'm not getting attention from many pretty girls. I'm wishing you the best my friend! Thank you for posting on my page...I had to vent...I was going nuts...lol I love this site! So what are your plans for today?
You will soon have pretty girls after you! They can see rite through you. They sense you are sad and women want a happy man. I see what you are going through and I was once their and people helped me here. I will return the favor for a very long time on this site. I still hurt a little not from her but what she is doing to me now. That is sooo wrong. But tonight going out to beer garden listen to band and do some sniffing!! :)

Sniffing? You do coke?

Lol... just kidding!

Sniffing? You do coke?
You made me laugh Emo, It's been a long time since I been able to do this a lot.

You made me laugh Emo, It's been a long time since I been able to do this alot.

The coke or the laughing?

Lol... just kidding again!

lol...just kidding again!
Good one!

I don't want ex back and I am 95% emotionally healed. But is it natural not to miss but maybe be jealous or mad when you hear something about your ex. She never made her self look good for me. And my cousin jeff's (who I don't talk too) wife put hair extensions in my ex'x hair. First of all my ex hated her said she was a b***H. Now their friends what's up with that.That BS. They live about 8 house from each other. My cousin told my sister that she was going on about her new boyfriend and some how I see here drive past my house all the time. This driving buy the house doesn't bother me it's the her looking good now for him and I quess the rubbing it in my face when she drives buy. Why would she do this I would never do this to her. The one thing that gets me is when she road past my house on her bike on Sun and look at me with said eyes. Like she wants me back and that's every time I see her. Then I e-mail asking if her if she all right because she look so sad, did your new boyfriend hurt you. She said our relationship is over I am in a committed realationship now. Thank you if you meen well and said best wishes. Why would she look at me sad then tell me this. I'm not upset or really missing her but just agravated. Please commit on this question.

1. How do you know you are truly over your ex. She was my first love and I think of her but its more of a dead emotion that I'm feeling is the end of healing process.

2. I get anxious now I don't think its from my ex but I don't know why. I think it's because I'm very lonely and now I'm worried that I may never find anyone again.I am picky a little. But now it's a different feeling from 5 months ago. Is this because I miss ex or lonely?

3. Do you peak off in your healing at a certain percentage for first loves. They say you always think/remember your first loves So lets say yoy only heal 90% then you date second girl and you don't think about them as much as first love.

4. Does age help to forget them.

5. Has any body gotten over their first love then 6 months later after you have healed run into them buy themselves or especially with a new boyfriend and those feeling you once had for them come rushing back to the point where you are hurting and missing them again. I see her and it doesn't bother me but I'm afraid if I see her with some dude I will get jealous or something.

6. Do ex's think of or usually want their old boyfriends back when they are dumped in the next relationship if it was a bad one, and remember how good they had it with the one they dumped. (although she has broken up with me 5-6 times in 4.5 years)

7. Has anybody cry or hurt really bad or have a moment about their ex's lets say years down the road.

Hello

Hopefully you will always have part of your Ex in your heart and that's great. Its how we learn and build to our next relationship. We take the good and bad from each relationship to teach us in life. Every good and bad experience makes us stronger and a better person. The joy teaches us how to love others and ourself. The pain helps us know how not to hurt others in the future.

You will find Mrs. Right when you let yourself relax and enjoy life. A person that loves life is like a magnet and the Ladies will be drawn to you. It takes time but the more you find yourself right now the better you will be in the future.

If you see your ex you will feel hurt at first but if you like your life then you can go on knowing your better off from knowing her and your on your way to a better life without her. The Key is stop pulling away from life, its time to get back into it.

Your normally an ex for a reason so most of the time getting back together doesn't work. You not only have the problems from the past you have changed and unless you grew the same direction you will have less in common then before.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Yes Its been 6 months and I went to a festival on Saturday wit her and I fell for her all over again, took drusg I shouldn't have and have been paying the affects the past three days. I told her I still liked her. Shouldn't have done it but hey.. .

Is this normal to go weeks without hurting, started to get good sleeping again then all of a sudden feel like s**t and hurt or can't sleep. And it happened rite out of the blue. When or how much longer will I be to be recovered. We did break up out of the blue how did she move on so fast and get some new clown.

I don't know what my ex's intentions are but it seems like her son step brother and sister have been driving and stopping over more. The step brother came over and told me she bought a new convertiable. I don't know if she put them up to it but my question is. I don't want to know what she is doing or buying. Should I tell the step brother don't bring my ex up ever again. If I do say this he may tell her and she may think I'm not over her. (which I'm not) I don't want her to see this as a sign of weakness. Or should I deal with what ever he says. He very really brings her up unless I do but he didn't with the car. Because when someone tells me info I get upset.

Update, It's been over 6 months since my ex fiancé ripped my heart out again. I know I am well recovered enough never to take or speak to my ex again. I just need to know if I am at the end of my healing process. The past week I hardly dream of her any more. But it seems like when I drive home from work every day or every couple of days I will get very anxsiuous and feels like I want to burst out crying in my car but I don't and I feel this way only for about an hour. Then I'm totally fine. Then I talk my sister said yes she does have a boy friend which I kind of new but I wasn't hurt. Then my dad said she saw her and her son at car show. Then when my dad brings her up I got upset, Why did I get upset when my dad said he saw her but didn't get up set when my sister mentioned new guy.

Just curious have you ever, before you met her, ever felt like like crying or felt saddness for an hour a day? Perhaps that's some form of depression and has nothing to do with the ex. Either way it sounds like your maybe not quite there at the end but reaching the end.

Chuff, Never felt sad or depressed for hour a day but was thoew out my 20's I wasn't sad but felt scared and lonely that I wouldn't never meet someone and have a relationship with. I was very picky of girls. But now again I have those same feeling like before. But I do see now that I will be happier without her.

Update, It's been over 6 months since my ex fiancé ripped my heart out again. I know I am well recovered enough never to take or speak to my ex again. I just need to know if I am at the end of my healing process. The past week I hardly dream of her any more. But it seems like when I drive home from work every day or every couple of days I will get very anxsiuous and feels like I want to burst out crying in my car but I don't and I feel this way only for about an hour. Then I'm totaly fine. Then I talk my sister said yes she does have a boy friend which I kinda of new but I wasn't hurt. Then my dad said she saw her and her son at car show. Then when my dad brings her up I got upset, Why did I get upset when my dad said he saw her but didn't get up set when my sister mentioned new guy.


I think (from what you write) that you are far from where you feel you should be. I sense that you are still hurting and albeit after 6 months, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

The answer to your question about why you got upset when your dad said he saw her (possibly with a new guy) is that no matter how much you try to fight it, you are still in some way hung up on her and againnthis is normal.

No matter how much time passes, it does not matter, it takes time and there is no rule, I believe also that even if you do heal, you can still get moments... Moments when you reminisce, you remember the past.

Try however to not let people talk about her because that is just digging up s**t and living too much in the past.