I am a birthmother and I suffer from depression and lost my husband 2 years before I placed my baby for adoption. I was so depressed and I was not on medication at the time I placed my child for adoption. What are the odds that I can get my child back. I am know on medication for depression and I think I would have made a different decision had I been on medication at the time. What are the odds that I could get my baby back?

Very very low.

There are very few instances where an adoption/relinquishment are reversed.

I feel your pain. I placed my daughter for adoption almost 15 years ago. See a counselor about this, because you will be breaking a lot of hearts and causing a lot of emotional upheaval if you decide to go through with it. If after seeing a counselor (one who SPECIALIZES in adoption... you CAN find them) you still really want to cause that sort of upheaval in your child's life, then you need to consult a lawyer. However... you are looking at a very long, very hard fight. You might be better off working on having a good relationship with the adoptive family.

You need the advice of a very good lawyer, probably a family specialist. I am assuming that the child was adopted by someone. While I understand TOTALLY how you feel, do you think it will be in the child's best interests to uproot him/her again? I imagine the new parents would fight to keep the child and a court case could drag out for quite some time. By that point, the baby would be so deeply bonded with the new parents I worry about the effects it might have if you did win your case eventually.

I wonder if there are any other alternatives worth pursuing, such as an involvement with the child?

My heart goes out to you, it really does. It is such a difficult decision. I think you should have been encouraged not to make any rash decisions at the time and they should have suggested temporary foster care with liberal visitation.

Hugs, Didi

Has your child been adopted by anyone? If so, then it's going to be very hard to get him/her back. You may be able to get visitation rights but to get custody after someone else has legally adopted him/her is a losing battle. They will no doubt fight you to the death and their lawyer would have a field day with your past and your neglect to take necessary medications, etc.

...and their lawyer would have a field day with your past and your neglect to take necessary medications, etc.

With all due respect... initial post said she suffers from depression and was not on medication at the time. This doesn't mean she neglected to take necessary medications! Perhaps she wasn't diagnosed at the time. Seeing as she had recently lost her husband, I think that their lawyer would be raked over the coals for even attempting to use her depression as a reason to deny her. I also think your comment regarding the lawyer having a field day with her past was pretty presumptuous. What exactly did you glean about her past in her original post?

Didi

Whether she was diagnosed... the lawyer WOULD have a field day with it.

We are talking about a couple that jumped through all of the hoops and paid a LOT of money to have this child in their lives. There is a REASON why when you sign away your parental rights, they check and double check that you understand what you are giving away.

With that being said... there's no way to tell someone what you're giving up. You're giving up EVERYTHING. Most of the time, at the time it's all happening, all you can think of is that someone will love and take care of your baby in a way you can't.
You're not thinking of missing the first step, the first word, the fact that your child will probably NEVER call you any version of "mom". There is not enough mandatory counseling before relinquishment, because no one wants you to change your mind. Adoption is big business, and there is a lot of money floating into it.

That's not to say that adoption is bad--while I regret that I never see my daughter, I can't regret that she has a family that loves her and cares for her in a way I could not have at the time.

This could turn into a very interesting discussion about adoption, but that's not the point in this thread.

Again, to the OP... see a counselor! Please, please, please talk to someone you trust about this. Talk to a doctor, talk to a lawyer, talk to a counselor. I am absolutely positive that you are just now starting to realize what it is you signed away, and you need to get advice on how to proceed for your own self-interest and for the interests of your child.

I know how you feel; I'm going through the same thing right now! I adopted my child to my mother after I confirmed in my mind I could never raise this child the way my mother could. After a lot of counseling I realized those thoughts I had were lies. The odd thing is after I signed my papers I changed my mind just a few days later but my mother told me it was too late and I believed her. After about a year or so I start looking more into this and find out I should've had a lawyer with me while signing the papers, I should've had an open adoption since it was with my mother. But I don't even get to see my son alone! She's afraid I tell him things because when I spend time with him and leave he rebels and says things that she thinks is fabricated by me. I just want my son back AT LEAST visitation rights. I'm going to fight this, she even once told me she thinks my son is better off with me but then she lets her own emotions get in the way and backs out! Let me know your process! My email is [email protected] I'd love to hear from you and offer support. In my case my little boy is 3 now and getting older! I've been trying to fight this on my own for 2 years but now am seeking legal help. I was advised to work this out between my mom but all she does is tell me things I want to hear to shut me up for the time being.

Because you decided to relinquish your rights - that does not mean that your rights cannot be reinstated. You are the birth Mother. You need to find an Attorney that specializes in adoption. You have sufficient informaton to suggest that at the time the decision was made you were suffering mental anguish because of the death of your husband. You have since recovered, are taking medication for depression (which could be a result of your loss), and can petition the Court to reinstate your rights. A trial or preliminary hearing would decide whether your petition can or could be considered. That you had depression does not deem you an unfit parent. In some cases, it would actually help your case to show that you could not have made the right decision at the time.

It sounds like you have been through a lot. Get a consultation with an Attorney and find out how to go about this. Take care.

I have something to say to all of you who wrote this suggesting that she get a lawyer. Did any of you think about this child??? I have had my nephew since he was 22 days old I am the only MOMMY that he knows. Do you know your child or anything about them. It is over my dead body that my sister is getting this baby boy back. It has been almost 2 years since I have had him. Why dont you stop to think about your child and how it will affect the child and the people you want to take the child away from


Excuse me... but you just made me angry.

Did you even READ my post, aside from the "get a lawyer" part?

I'm a birthmother, who has known where my daughter lived right from the beginning, and I've NEVER gone to see her there, and I'd NEVER take her away from her "real" parents.

In your situation, you KNOW what was going on with your sister. You don't know what was going on with the original poster here. How would you like it if someone coerced you or someone you love into giving up a child so some "desperate loving couple"? How would you like it if they LIED to you, and your child was still young enough to not remember in a year who they stayed with as an infant?

Sounds to me like you've bought into the propaganda they spread about adoption.

This Mother is entitled under the law to petition a Court of law about reinstating her parental rights. In almost every single case in which the birth Parents petitioned the Court - they had their parental rights reinstated. This has been true on many of the cases I have worked on, regardless of what motivated the relinquishment. In several cases, the Court did not even allow a transition period, the child had to be returned immediately following the end of a trial and order made by the Judge. And you should know that the Court is always well aware of how long a child has lived with a caretaker. The laws in the United States are made to favor the birth family.

This Mother has more than a chance to regain custody of her child. She has every right to have her day in Court and to be heard in a Court of law. She has no obligation to try and "protect" other people and to be concerned for their feelings, if she truly wants and is ready to care for her child.

As strongly as you feel, Synnen - your choice is not the only choice - and not right for everyone. You have made assumptions in your responses that are incorrect. It is not right to scare and manipulate this Mother to your point of view. You need to recognize that other people have different ideas/feelings from you and that others have the right to make their own life choices.

I've been thinking about this all morning.

The "assumptions" I have made have been based on being in birthparent support groups over the last 12 years or so. In not ONE case, aside from those that were highly publicized (Baby M, for example), have I ever heard of custody being given back to the birthparents after BOTH birthparents signed over their parental rights.

I agree that everyone is entitled to their point of view, but the person who I quoted was in a completely different position than the original poster. She was in a position to know what was going on both with the adoptive family AND the birthfamily--since they were the SAME family.

Illusion, if you know of adoption cases that have been turned over AFTER relinquishment papers were signed by BOTH birthparents, I'd love to hear about them. Please post links to these cases!

From my point of view, the laws in the US are slanted towards the adoptive parents--they can promise the world to the birthparents, but once those papers are signed, there is NOTHING to legally bind them to anything they said to get that baby in their arms. I've heard literally HUNDREDS of stories about adoptive parents that backed out of agreements with birthparents as soon as they got the baby - and there is nothing out there to hold them to it.

I'm not trying to scare or manipulate anyone. I'm trying to point out that from every experience I've ever heard of, getting parental rights reinstated after voluntarily relinquishment is next to impossible. I would LOVE for this mother to get her parental rights back, especially if she were coerced. I HOPE she gets a good lawyer, and that she's at least allowed contact with her child, if not custody.

I do NOT, however, want a precedent set of someone just "changing their mind" and getting their children back after a few years. That idea just ruins lives--especially the lives of the children involved.

Like I said... I am not trying to manipulate or scare anyone. I'm trying to be realistic. I'm not trying to be discouraging. I'm trying to point out that there is a long road ahead of her. And I'm not making any more assumptions than anyone else about this situation. Obviously, no one has the entire story except the original poster, and we have not heard back from her for more clarification.

Why don't you first try and meet with the legal parents of your new child, and first see if your child wants to go back to you or if the family has a very good relationship.

Maybe if you do lose the court case try talking to the people that adopted your child see if you can see your child once a week, or visit them sometimes, maybe becoming an aunty figure in your child's life and once they are old enough to understand explain it to them.

If you do win your court case also let the child see the "parents" because just making a break life that will upset him or her very much.

As strongly as you feel, Synnen - your choice is not the only choice - and not right for everyone. You have made assumptions in your responses that are incorrect. It is not right to scare and manipulate this Mother to your point of view. You need to recognize that other people have different ideas/feelings from you and that others have the right to make their own life choices.

First, to all of you beautiful women on this thread, my goodness, this is a subject that just pulls at the heart. The one thing that just perminates off each post, is the love for the child. I think that is a great common denominator.

Illusion - you have given some incredible and very informative information that will no doubt help the OP. I do have to politely disagree with your take on Synnen's response. I see, in no way, was she trying to "scare" the OP into seeing things her way. Think that was a bit unfair Illusion and off target. Synnen, also gave incredible insight and shared her views , which, to me, is beneficial as well, considering Synnen has a great deal of experience in this area as well. Illusion, I think if you read back your above comments, I think you will agree, that you may have misread and misunderstood Synnen's heartfelt intentions of genuinely helping the OP.

To all of you again, I admire, respect and feel for each of you, no matter what side of the choice you were or are on.

Hey guess what? You are being selfish and terrible.

Adoption was a wonderful decision for at least three lives, and now you decide that you want to play mommy and rip apart a happy family.


Go get knocked up again.

It is natural to have these thoughts but I know as an adopted person that the best decision my birthmom made was to give me up and she tried to get me back and failed but I would have hated her if she had because I love my parents. She would have ruined my life. I am glad I stayed with my adopted parents. Give this some thought before you do anything because it may do your child more harm than good to disrupt her/ his life.

I think a good therapist and some hard thinking will put you more in line with what you really want. Start that first and come here for support through out. If you have already made up your mind, just know that it would be a big nasty fight when you start and end. In my opinion taking child away from his or her mother is the worst possible way to go. Finding yourself and starting a new life would be a better idea. You gave your baby a wonderful thing. A life, with loving caring people. I know it can be uncomfotable to think about it but you gave your baby a gift. I am proud of you for that. I am also happy that you are one with feelings of wanting the baby back, if you didn't have these feelings, you wouldn't be a kind human being. You still have many more things to look forward to, lets find out what they are honey. Only my opinion, everyone of us has an opinion and everyone of us has the right to say it out loud. I am sending a great big hug in your direction and you will be in my thoughts. Good luck.

I am a birthmother and I suffer from depression and lost my husband 2 years before I placed my baby for adoption. I was so depressed and I was not on medication at the time I placed my child for adoption. What are the odds that I can get my child back. I am know on medication for depression and I think I would have made a different decision had I been on medication at the time. What are the odds that I could get my baby back?
I am a birth mother and no one ever ever told me within a year you can change your mind and get your child back. I have since heard this , that you have up to one year to change your mind, if you want your child back DO IT NOW before its too late, Im telling you it is too late for me , my daughter is 28 and I probably will never meet her, it kills you from the inside out you are never the same, you can't sleep sometimes and it affects ALL your relationships. You can never trust anyone because the people you thought you could trust as in your parents who sometimes lie for their own benefit. Other people will never know what it feels like to lose a child this way, I think even death of a child may be easier than this. When people say its for the good of the child they are lying, the best thing for a child is to be with their own birth parents unless there is extreme abuse going on. I am telling you don't make the same mistake as me, I will forever till the day I die feel a big black hole in my soul that will never be filled.

This Mother is entitled under the law to petition a Court of law about reinstating her parental rights. In almost every single case in which the birth Parents petitioned the Court - they had their parental rights reinstated. This has been true on many of the cases I have worked on, regardless of what motivated the relinquishment.
Almost true,almost... The Court may reinstate parental rights of a birth parent ONLY if the child has not been adopted yet. If the child was adopted I cannot see how it will be possible to be done.

Your so rude have you been in this position ? NO so you wouldn't know ho she feels

You have no idea what your mom was going threw I gave up my kid he's now 3 months and I want him back ever since the day at the hospital but I thought I would feel bad trieng to get him back but now I'm going threw depression I think about it everyday

Im going threw the same thing you are so don't listen to what all these ither people re telling you there not going threw it so they shouldn't even give there advice !
I gave my baby up for adoption because I was young and my boyfriends mom kept telling us it would be best , so I decided finally OK ill do it we picked out parents we found one we thought we liked . We talked after all my ob appointments then the baby came and I didn't want to give him up but I felt bad to give them hope then take it away.
This was an open adoption I wanted pictures to see him and talk to him . So we only picked a family that would be OK with our needs then after they took him home about a month later we asked for pictures it took them 2 weeks to send 3 pictures in a EMAIL ! I was very dissapointed she is a stay at home mom that said she likes scrapbooking so you would think I would get more and it wouldn't take so long . Now he's almost 4 months old we asked for more pictures its been three weeks we keep calling the adoption agency they said they talk to her but yet she still hasn't sent any!
First off I miss him and want him back ! And now there not doing what is in the paperwork that they have to do ! I don't think there fit to raise my kid they don't do what they told the courts they would I don't trust them at all anymore they stopped calling after the baby was born and they took him home ! Kind of scary .I don't know what's going on the live in another state and I only agreed to do this knowing how my child is doing
So I will do anything and everything to get him back , and to the people that think that's not right I don't want to hear your input . If you went threw this and actually love your child you would agree with me on this!!

Im going threw the same thing you are so dont listen to what all these ither people re telling you there not going threw it so they shouldnt even give there advice !
I gave my baby up for adoption because i was young and my boyfriends mom kept telling us it would be best , so i decided finally ok ill do it we picked out parents we found one we thought we liked . We talked after all my ob appointments then the baby came and i didnt want to give him up but i felt bad to give them hope then take it away.
this was an open adoption i wanted pictures to see him and talk to him . so we only picked a family that would be ok with our needs then after they took him home about a month later we asked for pictures it took them 2 weeks to send 3 pictures in a EMAIL ! i was very dissapointed she is a stay at home mom that said she likes scrapbooking so you would think i would get more and it wouldnt take so long . now hes almost 4 months old we asked for more pictures its been three weeks we keep calling the adoption agency they said they talk to her but yet she still hasnt sent any!
First off i miss him and want him back ! And now there not doing what is in the paperwork that they have to do ! i dont think there fit to raise my kid they dont do what they told the courts they would i dont trust them at all anymore they stopped calling after the baby was born and they took him home ! kinda scary .i dont know whats going on the live in another state and i only agreed to do this knowing how my child is doing
So i will do anything and everything to get him back , and to the people that think thats not right i dont want to hear your input . If you went threw this and actually love your child you would agree with me on this !!!

You're somewhat hijacking someone else's thread, but I'll respond anyway.

First off, I DID go through it. 17 years ago. I've been through several CYCLES of wishing I hadn't placed her for adoption.

I do, however, know that it was in HER best interests to have her adoptive parents raise her.


What was your agreement with the adoptive parents? Pictures, through the mail, whenever you asked for them? Even if you asked for them daily? How often were phone calls or visits supposed to take place? What EXACTLY did both you and the adoptive parents agree to?

And again--unless you are in CA or MN, there is no LEGAL requirement that they keep in touch with you. This should have been explained to you by your appointed attorney. However, you are not describing coercion to me. You're describing something similar: a guilt trip.

Unless your court hearing was extremely bungled, you KNEW what you were signing away. You were asked SEVERAL times if you understood--or, at least *I* was asked several times. I assume most relinquishment cases go much the same way.

If you think you were coerced, get a lawyer. But the ONLY way a court is going to see someone who goes back on their sworn word in court, someone who was willing to let someone else's feelings (you didn't want to hurt them after getting their hopes up) interfere with raising her child, someone who is petty enough that email pictures are not enough for her, and someone who doesn't seem to understand that when you have an infant, hobbies like scrapbooking are out the window--the only way a court would give a person like that custody BACK is if you can prove you were coerced.

Maybe I'm taking the wrong tone with you, but to tell me that I shouldn't even give advice because "I've never been there" really ticked me off. I spent the first year after my daughter's birth in and out of the hospital with post partum depression and suicide attempts because I missed her so much. I hurt so much I cried myself to sleep every night. And to top all of THAT off, my boyfriend left me the day after we signed the papers to date another girl he'd apparently been cheating on me with, and my parents and rest of my family were absolutely against me choosing adoption, so basically told me that I deserved to be in so much pain and to deal with it.

The ONLY way I worked my way through all of it was with a birthmother support group and a lot of counseling. If there is a BSG in your area, I suggest you join. Many times, older members can give you tips on ways to communicate with your child and adoptive family in a way they don't feel threatened and in a way so they keep communications open---and pictures and visits coming.

One thing I would like to point out is that you are probably pouring your pain right at the adoptive family---and they don't want to hear it. It's like being rich ONLY because someone else died and left you the money. You wouldn't want to hear from that dead person every day for the rest of your life, would you? They KNOW your pain, and frankly don't want to be reminded that they only have joy because you have pain. But they're not qualified to deal with your pain, and so just avoid you because they don't know what to do for you that wouldn't end up with you being a "third parent". You gave up your rights--they are the parents now. You have NO SAY in how your child is raised. You have no "right" to make demands. You only have the PRIVILEGE of getting pictures and letters occasionally to know how your child is doing.

If you think you can fight to get your child back, good luck. But you're going to need a very good, very expensive lawyer to do it.

I completely understand everything you are going through. My story is not exactly the same but I gave my two daughters up for an open adoption 4 years ago. I was not in the right frame of mind, in fact I was a dug user. But I have been clean and sober now for almost 5 years and am trying to get them back. I see them 3 times a year and they have a baby brother that I desperately want them to know. I don't have any advice except don't give up, and if its right for your child then I do hope you get him back. I haven't got anywhere yet in my case, but I hope I do. Good luck to you!!

Wow. That's all I can say because I am going through this right now myself. I have 2yr old twins and I had a Baby on October 27th, 2011. I didn't think that I was ready to raise a third child and my girls godparents told me that they would adopt my newest Baby girl. This was a hard decision for me because I didn't want to do it but they convinced us that the girls would stay together as sisters and we would be able to have visitation with the Baby when we wanted. They also promised us a lot of other things and come to find out were illegal and they knew they were not able to keep. I am trying to get my case opened again since its only been a month and get the tpr reversed so I can get my Baby back. If you or anyone knows of a good lawyer please let me know..

@ illusion can you please contact me please I need your help please <EMAIL REMOVED> thanks

Because you decided to relinquish your rights - that does not mean that your rights cannot be reinstated. You are the birth Mother. You need to find an Attorney that specializes in adoption. You have sufficient informaton to suggest that at the time the decision was made you were suffering mental anguish because of the death of your husband. You have since recovered, are taking medication for depression (which could be a result of your loss), and can petition the Court to reinstate your rights. A trial or preliminary hearing would decide whether your petition can or could be considered. That you had depression does not deem you an unfit parent. In some cases, it would actually help your case to show that you could not have made the right decision at the time.

It sounds like you have been through a lot. Get a consultation with an Attorney and find out how to go about this. Take care.

Can you contact me I need your help EMAIL REMOVED

Off site contact is NOT allowed on this site.

If you want someone's help, it will have to be through these boards.

I suggest you start your own question giving us all the facts so that we can help you the best we can.

ALL email addresses in this thread have been removed.

Hi I was wondreing if you actually were able to get our child back? I'm in the same situation that you were in. so I was just wondering?