Point blank my husband does not know how to be a romantic or pamper, wine and dine me, but I craaaave this! I feel I am a beautiful woman and know my husband agrees, but just doesn't understand the importance of the little extras like a foot rub or back rub for no reason, making sweet love instead of just sex, smiling at me for no reason instead of "why are you looking at me like that?". I know he doesn't mean to neglect me and I believe he is attracted to me and cares for me, but how can I explain or teach him what I want from him? He just doesn't get it!

Most men don't get it and there really isn't much you can do to change that. He is who he is. You could try talking to him but beyond that, don't expect too much.

Good luck.

I'm pretty vocal - I ask my husband for a back rub. In fact, I mentioned that I HATE emptying the dishwasher (I have no idea why) and every morning he gets out of bed first and empties it for me. Better than a foot rub or back rub any day!

But I think you have to keep asking and when he does what you like, praise, praise, praise.

Sort of like housebreaking a dog - with apologies to men and husbands.

I am a toucher, a hugger. I like that interaction, so I grab his hand or rub his shoulder and hope he learns by example.

EDIT: I just realized your screen name is familiar to me - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/weve-both-cheated-but-hes-cheated-multiple-times-there-any-hope-640427.html How does your husband's past behavior influence the "pampering, making me feel attractive" part of your marriage? Sounds like he not only cheats, he doesn't make you feel "special."

It's not you. It's him.

Nice catch Judy... I didn't notice that... that whole thing changes my answer.

It's not going to happen. You know how he is and what he does. I can't see him suddenly becoming Mr Romantic and treating you any better.