Does anyone know where I can find info on what determines an unfit parent in the state of Oklahoma?

I am looking around for websites that can help you.

Here is one to get started on. All states evidently have the same guidelines.

Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect - by Susan K. Smith, Atty., Hartford and Avon, CT. (http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/mandatory_reporting.htm)

I will see what else I can turn up and repost under this question.

I am having trouble accessing Oklahoma's government website at the moment.

Are there specific actions that occurred that are prompting you to ask this question? Can you talk about what occurred? Maybe we will be able to have a clear cut answer for you if you tell us what happened.

I'm dealing with an exhusband with whom I've had numerous problems with. My current husband and I are at our wits end. I have to send my two children ages 6 and 2 to him every other weekend and there's been possible abuse towards my 2 year old. He has 4 other children besides my two from two other marriages and he has nothing to do with them. Signed away his rights. The only reason he has anything to do with my children is to be able to stay in my life and make me misserable.

I am so, so sorry for your troubles. I am assuming that you are going to try to use what you can find to take him back to court and get sole custody without visitation rights or supervised visitations only?

Well, I think I found another link that will hopefully will help you. It defines abuse and neglect in Oklahoma

http://www.health.state.ok.us/Program/cap/Child%20Abuse%20and%20Neglect.pdf


Between the two sites I have given you, they should be able to help in assessing whether you can report him.

Please let me know if there is any other info that I can help you with.

Good Luck!

I received sole custody in Sept of 06. He had recently remarried and ran over and killed his new wife during a fight. Nothing ever got done to him for that. He said she jumped out of the truck and she's not here to defend herself. There's too much more to it to write about. Anyway, my attorney is aware of the inncident of him hitting my 2 year old in the eye. We go back to court next Thursday. Please keep me in your prayers. You can email me personally if you'd like. I've never chatted on boards like this before. Feels kind of silly, but I thought I'd try.

Believe it or not, these boards help a lot of people. Someone in your situation may have the same problem and they can do a search on here and find their answer immediately instead of waiting for a response. The administrators have asked us to encourage people to come back to the boards and not do private e-mails for that reason.

I hate to say it but there are so many people in your situation. It never ceases to amaze me how any adult can abuse a child. What is more amazing is that your ex was able to retain visitation rights after that "accident"!

You are a good Mom. Sounds like you have been doing all the right things. Did you take pictures of your child showing the black eye? File a police report? I am sure your attorney has advised you on all this stuff. He is your best chance at getting the visitation rights taken away.

Please come back and let me know what the outcome is. I will be rooting for you all the way!:)

Thanks Rubypit! I'll let you know how things go. Yes I took pictures and have other pictures of his little bottom blistered from sitting in a dirty diaper for so long. Like I said, there's too much to type, just keep us in your prayers if you are a believer and I'll let you know how next Thursday goes. Thanks again.

The Pitbull sends you hugs and sloppy pitbull kisses for good luck.:p

We will keep you in our prayers!

Dear Rubypit, we went to court today and the court ordered a "parenting coordinator". My current husband and I were able to sit down and voice our concerns with this lady. My ex will also have the opportunity to do so. Unfortunately he has pulled the wool over so many peoples eyes in this whole ordeal, my worry is that he will do the same to this woman and play the victim. I just pray that this woman is wise enough to see through his charade and will do what is best for my children. My ex is the most smooth talking con artist you've ever come across. Only myself, my current husband, and ALL of his ex wives and girlfriends have seen the real "HIM". I'm so frustrated. He is such a hazard to the lives and well being of my children due to his anger, alcohol abuse and drug abuse. Seems like unless your child is laying in the road dead or there is actual physical evidence of sexual abuse the system does nothing to protect our children. Just need lots of prayers at this time. We go back on March 14th and the parenting coordinator will give her thoughts and opinions to the judge as well.

Rodeogirl, thank you so much for stopping by and letting me know what is happening. I was wondering how it all went.

I know what you mean about the system. It is so hard for the people who are trying to do the right thing. I am sure your current husband's input helped.

I will keep you in my prayers. Definitely let me know the final result. If it is not in your favor, depending on what the p.c. comes back with, I might be able to help you figure out a new plan of action. But, I am praying that isn't the case and that you will succeed in getting the protection for your children that you need.

Good Luck & my prayers are definitely with you! :)

If the 'drug' issue was raised--couldn't the court order that your ex be tested?

You've got my prayers too. Just try to be optimistic--those people who do the evaluations are probably very adept at seeing through 'the wool'.

robynhgl, that is what I was thinking. Very good point. I didn't bring it up because it is now in the parenting coordinator's lap and Rodeogirl has done what she can for now. She has to follow the rules and can't push too much or else she may alienate the one person who can really help her now. I figured if it isn't done now and the ex gets away with his con game, then it can be part of the route she takes later.

Let's just keep thinking happy thoughts, positive prayers, and hope this will be resolved properly and quickly for Rodeogirl's children's sake.:)

I feel so bad that she has to wait it out, I know that I'd be beside myself.

Rodeogirl sounds like a very intelligent woman and a caring Mom. I also think it's great that her husband is with her all the way in this. Those children are blessed to have parents that care about them so much.

I'll keep you posted sweet lady! Thanks

Going to give me any hints on "a new plan of action?" I could use any help at this point and any bit of hope!

Hi rodeogirl!

You strike me as a smart lady who is using every legal option that is available to her to fight for her children.

One of the things I was going to suggest is a court ordered drug test, as Robyn brought up. Another is to bring in character witnesses for both sides. You ex sounds like a man who has burned a number of bridges. If your lawyer is smart, he/she will do background checks on anyone your ex states can vouch for his character. You have a lot of people that can substantiate his abusive nature. And, I am sure, you have a lot of people who can vouch for you and your husband. Neighbors are always good to use, especially ones who might have seen something when you and your ex lived together. Anyone that can vouch that this guy isn't who he appears to be.

So, give that some thought and make a list if you feel the need to do something to keep yourself busy and focused.

At this point in time, you have pled your case. It is in the hands of the P.C. now. How did you feel when you walked out of your meeting with her? Was your lawyer with you? Did you show her the pictures? Did you feel that she allowed you to give her all the evidence and state your case fully?

I know you are nervous and need some support. So, tell me how how you felt when you left the P.C.'s office. I will keep stopping by to check on you as long as I can tonight.

Hey Rodeo! I'm with Ruby on this one. Just out of curiosity... could your financial situation allow for a Private Investigator? May be a good idea to look one up--they can come up with info and even get evidence on tape. I don't know how much something like that would cost--but it may be worth it in the long run.

Good thinking Robyn.

Hey girls. Thanks so much for the posts. Y'all have such great ideas, unfortunately I've exhausted most all of them. The only things we can bring up in court now are things that have happened since I won sole custody back in Sept. I know that's sounding pretty crazy but it's the truth. When my husband and I talked to the PC she said she was only interested in things since Sept. Yes, I showed her the photos and told her that she needs to know his history of walking out on 4 other children and the abuse on his ex wives. She let me talk a little, but then said "look, I'm not here to take sides, only here to do what's best for the kids". Really made me upset. It's almost like they don't believe a guy could be this evil. I told her I wanted to give her names of people to call that could vouche for his behavior and she said it wasn't necessary at this point. Talk about wanting to pull your hair out!! Friday night my husband and I went to dinner and a young lady stopped and asked if my name was... and I said yes. She proceeded to tell me that she was the ex wife recently of one of my ex's friends. She told me they were both doing drugs real bad. She was there with her family and kind of gave me a look like don't say anymore, and I said, well here's my number call me and we'll talk horses cause apparently we both rodeo. I'm praying she'll call and I might get some more information or that she may be willing to testify. Again, it's all in the Lord's hands and what an awesome God we have. Just pray for my patience and peace. Thank you girls so much for caring enough to write back!! Lot's of hugs to you!

Private Investigators are very expensive!! I don't know yet. We'll see what God brings our way.

oops forgot one more thing. We have demanded drug tests on him. They are even hair folicle test which show drugs for up to 3 months in your system. Unfortunately he's finding a way around that too. The drugees have come up with some kind of concausion that they can shampoo their hair with the night before the test and it gives a negative test. He's told people "I'll screw her everytime!" We go back to court March 14th and I'm going to have my attorney ask for another random hair test plus a blood test. It's worth a try!

Well, RG, it sounds like you are doing everything that you can. As frustrating as your interview went, you have got to remember that the PC deals with custody problems all the time. There are a lot of people out there that will lie to them and do everything they can to make the ex's life a living hell just out of spite. So, they have their rules and regulations they have to go by. It is a big problem when you have a situation like yours. She doesn't know who is lying and who is telling the truth.

I think depending on the outcome on March 14, you have a good idea. If it is not in your favor, your attorney should immediately request the judge order your ex to take the tests that day. I have never heard about that shampoo that you are talking about. It is pretty hard to mess with a follicle test but I guess anything is possible nowadays.

You just have to put your trust in God and keep on praying as you have. We will too.

FYI, When you come back here after the decision has been made, I might not be around for a few days. But, don't worry. First chance I get, I will check the boards and get back to you as soon as I can. :)

Thanks Ruby. Hope all is well for you. Thanks for the support!

Hey Girl! I don't know how you can keep your sanity! God Bless Ya!

First of all--if you're not doing it yet--start right away. Keep a journal, write everything down, along with the time and date. If you have a cam-corder, if the kids say anything get them on video-tape. This would be cool if you did it during and after 'pick-ups'---the kids will blurt out things that have happened and getting it on a recording at the time is important. Journals are admissible in court also.

If your ex really is dealing drugs--the police are probably 'aware' of him already. Here's the kicker--if YOU call it in--YOU look like an ex with an axe to grind. If someone else reports this to the police--they will take it much more seriously.

I hate to say it--but sometimes there is no justice in the justice system. I'm not sure what your attorney has done for you or how much you attorney has 'dug up', but I do know that past history is a good gauge of present and future behavior--especially if there is a pattern of behavior that has taken place over a period. If your ex has had any type of criminal past in regards to drugs or abuse these things can and should be brought into evidence.

I'm not sure what else to tell you--I pray that you and your children will be safe. You have the guts and the determination to see this through, which I find very admirable.

Take Care Lady!

Robyn, thanks for writing. I've been keeping a journal for 2 years now and will continue to till the world runs out of paper. My little girl told me today that her dad was drinking with her and her brother yesterday and then drove with them. I called my attorney and the PC and told them. I told the PC that she needs to talk to my daughter. I won't even be in the room. That way maybe sis will tell even more. She was afraid to tell me yesterday cause "she doesn't want to get in trouble". She told me today though and we've had many talks about she won't get in trouble, and that she always needs to tell the truth no matter what. Thanks for the support like I said and I'll let y'all know how it goes.

My daughter visited with the PC and I guess we won't know anything till we go back to court which is March 14th. She and my 2 year old went to his house over the weekend and my daughter called me and was upset said she wanted to come home. I talked to her dad and he was not very happy but said he'd meet me in town with her. She said nothing happened she just wanted to come home. When we got my 2 year old back that evening he came home with odd marks on his legs which have now turned into bruises. I took photos. Sun. morning my daughter flat out refused to go with him. I called my ex to let him know and proceeded to tell him I didn't fell comfortable with our son going by himself and he just hung up on me. I called the PC Monday moring and she said my ex had already called. She stated she may want to talk to my daughter again before we go to court. The kids didn't go Sunday. I guess I might be in contempt. Not sure if he's going to push it or not. Knowing him he will.

Contempt... when the children are at risk and they do not want to go, there's not much contempt involved.

You did the right thing taking pictures and calling the PC. Hopefully you or she can find out what had your daughter so upset.

Did your ex give ANY indication about why she was upset? Did he say anything about your son... ie. He fell, he was at the park playing on the equipment? Better for you NOT to tell him anything YOU see or know. Too easy for him to get a story down for the PC.

The best thing for you to do is to get plenty of rest and try not to stress too much. A calm and confident demaenor in court is good.

Hello ladies! Rodeogirl, I am in complete agreement with robynhgl. I know this is a tough time for you. But, it will be resolved soon enough. I will stop by here at some point next weekend. I am praying for you girl! :)

My ex said he has no idea how the marks have happened. Well if he didn't do it, which we all know he did, the where was he when my child "got hurt"?? My daughter did tell me why she was so upset. She stated that she had heard him and his deceased wife fighting numerous times and he was "mean to her and made her cry" she said she thinks that her dad was mad at her and ran her over on purpose when he killed her. My heart just sunk. This is what my little girl is carring around in her heart. I have a call out to her counselor for visits again. But the counselor is on maternity leave. Something will work out. Like I said before he is pushing contempt charges on me so they could do something on Wed about it. I do know this, if they don't order supervised visits, I will be going to jail for sure because I WILL NOT SEND THEM!! Just be in prayer. Thanks so much girls!

If that is what your child is telling you--you need to get her to the PC immediately, you should also contact the prosecutor's office if they suspected any foul play at the time of the woman's death, but could not prove it. Often times they choose not to prosecute and lose for lack of evidence--but they can and will go forward later if they get what they need to win a conviction.

Was your daughter at that home when the death occurred? Could she have witnessed it?

No, she wasn't there when it happened. It's the most outragouse thing I've ever heard of in my life. They totally let him go. People have called the police left and right with info regarding his temper, dui's, and drug problem etc. They just don't seem to care. It already went in front of the DA and he decided no charges were going to be pressed. So he litereally got away with murder! Everyone is just sick about it. Especially her family. I have told the PC this. I guess we'll see what happens Wed. Like I said, the justice system is a joke. We are only relying on the true Word of God.