Ahh this is true! Unless... they are serial cheater! < BAD person

The reason is that for a long time women were considered the property of men. When you go the store to buy a toaster you don't let the toaster pick who it goes home with*. So it was never proper for the women to choose the man because of this and despite huge advances in women's right we still have elements of claiming women as property in our culture.

*Disclaimer: I don't feel women are property or a toaster. Just trying to explain what how things were.

True or if there are interrelationship issues or they may not cheat they could swing or 3- sum, a women will not always go for the hunk now a days he is perceived to be the arrogent, self centered, arse hole, and stuck up women are high needs if they are even remotly pretty

I know some woman who would make great toasters!

I feel that the big thing, is for people to hook up, and HAVE some one, and sometimes, we don't take the time to make a good choice, or we move to fast making the choice we made, the ONE, without taking the time to really find out. Some times we convince ourselves of having more than what is really there, and get so hurt when we find out the truth. Most of us screw up early, just because of experience, and that sucks as we learn about our feelings and the feelings of others. Too often we have preconceived notions of what we want, and make all kinds of demands, and have such high expectations we put on others, and have no clue, when they can't meet the standards we set for them. Men chase and women are chased, is what society teaches, and we catch hell trying to figure out the right way to do things. There is nothing in stone, so the best way is do the best you can, and try to be happy with the results. If not, don't be afraid to try it again.

There is no such thing as a cut and dried answer for humans and there feelings.

Sure we can be initially attracted someone because of how they look but as we get to know people those feelings can change. I know if I meet an attractive man and as I get to know him I see that he is unintelligent or mean or has any myriad of negative personality traits that person becomes significantly less attractive. I would imagine for men it would be the same. I couldn't see a man staying with a stupid, racist, mean women just because she was attractive.

You can never speak in generalities when it comes to explaining human behavior. Unfortunately we are not so simple.

Yes, do you best anyway. U do it for yourself, not for the woman.

w00t go complex

The reason is that for a long time women were considered the property of men. When you go the the store to buy a toaster you don't let the toaster pick who it goes home with*. So it was never proper for the women to choose the man because of this and despite huge advances in womens right we still have elements of claiming women as property in our culture.

*Disclaimer: I don't feel women are property or a toaster. Just trying to explain what how things were.


There are some very good replies here and I agree with all of them, but it would appear to me that woman's selection process is flawed !

By this I mean. I woman has pressure on her to look good to attract the attention of men. However when I put myself in a position of wanting a mate for other than sex, i.e. relationship, family etc then the conclusion I come to is that I want to get to know a person to see if that person has the qualities that I need / seek in a mate. Therefore the common sense, natural thing is to look around from the 1000 of women and select those that appear to have the qualities I seek, then initiate communication and check if that is the case before entering into a relationship.

However women do not do this. Instead a woman will make her self look good so she will attract the attention of males. She will not initaite connections/ communicaition with suitable males. Now males are attracted to physical appearance and have the desire to sow their seeds. So males who are interested in the girl just for sex will say anything she want to here to get into her pants, then they are gone.

However a guy who is genuinly interested in her will not just say anything to get into her pants and therefore she will actually dismiss him because he does not meet her selection process.

Your thinking way too much about things.

Gee online, if a guy is interested and says nothing he gets nothing. Females cannot read minds, so if you don't let them know of your interest how are they supposed to act, they sure can't start interviews can they? The one thing you left out is the fact that females like to be attractive and love the prospect of males coming to her and the final decision is hers. That's the point to keep the final say in her court, so a guy has to come with it or stay home.

Time have changed - PLENTY!

Have A Random Sight Gag (http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=1014)

There was once a day when women were considered more servants than partners in life. I think we've evolved.

I think that's a pretty bold statement that women sit around like peacocks waiting to be picked off. I personally find that extremely offensive that you believe that women think they should have nothing going on other then looking hot.

Our outsides are what attract us to someone. Women are the same as men. If we see someone who is attractive we will want to talk to them to see if they meet our standards. People don't walk around with a sandwich board that says "I'm funny, smart and sensitive". The truth is that if your face looks like a foot chances are a woman isn't going to see all the wonderful things about you through a glance. Yes maybe if a woman met a man and became friends with him she'd find him more attractive but I imagine the same thing happens with men.

Again. You cannot speak in generalities when it comes to human behavior.

I agree with Onlineguy's theory, it really gets to me when I'm out I get girls looking over but I don't make the move, I'm too shy and it does my head in.. I don't know what to say to start the conversation with someone I don't know and fancy as well, I'm too scared of making a bum of myself... I need to be more forward and I bet you next weeknd I do the same thing... "GIRL LOOKING OVER THINK SHE LIKES ME I DONT DO ANY THONG ARRRRRRGHHHHH LOL"

The man who catches MY attention is the one says" You are so kind/intelligent" instead of "You are hot/attractive".
Again as Glinda has mentioned we can't speak in generalities when it comes to human behavior.

The man who catches MY attention is the one says" You are so kind/intelligent" instead of "You are hot/attractive".
Again as Glinda has mentioned we can't speak in generalities when it comes to human behavior.

Yup. That kind of thing is a definite turn off. I think most women would prefer to be treated as people instead of sex organs in high heels.

Yup. That kind of thing is a definite turn off. I think most women would prefer to be treated as people instead of sex organs in high heels.


Now isn't this a contadiction ! And you wonder why we say that we cannot figure you guys out. I mean

To attract a man you go out looking like a sex organ in high heels instead of (initiating) talking to a guy and getting to know him. Taking charge of the process.

So a girl looks like a sex organ in high heels, men are naturally looking to sow there oats and they see a girl looking like a sex organ in high heels, so he rationalises if this person was not looking for sex she would not be dressed / present herself in this mannor that clearly turns me and other guys on. The fact that she is presenting herself in a mannor that inidicates sex means she will atract the guys looking for sex ! Common Sense.

i.e. Women" dont look at my breasts when you talk to me", but I will still wear a revealing low cut top that will show my cleavage which I know is a erotic turn on for men... All men.

Alternative. If I wear an ordinary sweater that does not highlight my sexual organs then men will not look at my sexual organs.. Common Sense. If a guy walks up to you with a g string on and no pants you will look ! Its natural, you know it, I know it everyone knows it. If you don't want to be seen in a sexual way don't present yourself in a sexual way. Common sense.

So if you want to meet a man who does not view you as a sexual object 1. don't present yourself as one. 2. Make an effort to get to know these men.. . Oh but I forget, your saying this but you class these men as Geeks and the guys who view you as a sex object as Alpha Males and go with them anyway !

Please Please Please, do and say what you mean. It would be so much simpler. And yes I know a woman should be able to wear clothes that make her feel sexy, all for that. I should be able to wear crothchless underpants when I go out and women should not look.

Your not going to not look though are you !

The man who catches MY attention is the one says" You are so kind/intelligent" instead of "You are hot/attractive".
Again as Glinda has mentioned we can't speak in generalities when it comes to human behavior.
How does a guy start a conversation with a stranger then without coming across like this, the las thing I want to di is go up to a females and be sleazy... I isn't got a clue how to start the conversation, something stupid always comes out??

How does a guy start a conversation with a stranger then without coming across like this, the las thing i want to di is go up to a females and be sleazy....I aint got a clue how to start the conversation, somethin stupid always comes out??????

Tyne26, very good question.
I will try my best to give you a detailed list on that:
Ask her about herself, her ambitions, her life. Be interested. It's a rare woman who wants to sit around all night listening to a man talk about himself. And the more you try to impress her with your tales of adventure, the less impressed she'll be.
Be presentable. Women are notorious accessorizers, and whether she'll admit it to you or not, you are an accessory. Other women will judge her on her choice. A clean, good-smelling man with well-fitting clothes is a real prize.
Make eye contact. A lot. And smile - in a friendly way. Don't leer.
Be a gentleman. It's a myth that chivalry is dead, right? There are just a few women out there messing it up for the rest of us who really do like to have doors held open for us.
Be funny without being crude. It's an art.
Compliment her. Notice her shoes or her watch - something that shows you're paying attention. We'll change our clothes six times before we leave the house; it's nice to find someone who appreciates the final choice.
It's hard for a woman not to be impressed with a man who is impressed with her. If you really like her, tell her so. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just let her know you admire her.
Warnings
Don't stare at her - or other women. ;)

I hope this will help you but again we can't generalize human behavior, each woman is a little bit different. Some of them are just that hard to get, they might have high standards at their age when they are young... please undertand them:D

Hello.

I can agree with many of your ideas if your picking ladies up in bars or clubs but if your meeting ladies in a real life places you can tell the ones that enjoy life and feel good about who they are. It shows in the way they walk and talk not just by how they dress. If looking sexy to attract a Man as in bars or clubs is all they have to do then all a Lady has to do is wear a low cut top and short skirt and she can have any man she wants... WAIT that does work hehehe maybe it comes back to the fact Men after puberty think with their lower head as soon as they see a low cut top or short skirt and the upper head goes blank hehehe.

OK back to reality. I think you need to find your Ladies in real places and stop looking at the local sex displays. Sure at clubs the Ladies dress sexy and they do show off what they have and want the Men to beg a little before they will pay any attention to them. It's a game but not a real life game it's the club game. If your not into the game find a new one but the drinking and sex games have been going on as long as Man has been on the earth.

Dennis777

Tyne26, very good question.
I will try my best to give you a detailed list on that:
Ask her about herself, her ambitions, her life. Be interested. It's a rare woman who wants to sit around all night listening to a man talk about himself. And the more you try to impress her with your tales of adventure, the less impressed she'll be.
Be presentable. Women are notorious accessorizers, and whether she'll admit it to you or not, you are an accessory. Other women will judge her on her choice. A clean, good-smelling man with well-fitting clothes is a real prize.
Make eye contact. A lot. And smile - in a friendly way. Don't leer.
Be a gentleman. It's a myth that chivalry is dead, right? There are just a few women out there messing it up for the rest of us who really do like to have doors held open for us.
Be funny without being crude. It's an art.
Compliment her. Notice her shoes or her watch - something that shows you're paying attention. We'll change our clothes six times before we leave the house; it's nice to find someone who appreciates the final choice.
It's hard for a woman not to be impressed with a man who is impressed with her. If you really like her, tell her so. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just let her know you admire her.
Warnings
Don't stare at her - or other women. ;)

I hope this will help you but again we can't generalize human behavior, each woman is a lil bit different. Some of them are just that hard to get, they might have high standards at their age when they are young...please undertand them:D


You make good point which I will take on board... At the weekend I go to nighclubs socialising with friends, yes we can talk to a lady about these things you mentioned but I can't just walk upo and say "tell me about yourself" lol its how to appraoch them and what your first question should be is what I struggle with??

Now isnt this a contadiction ! and you wonder why we say that we cannot figure you guys out. I mean

To attract a man you go out looking like a sex organ in high heels instead of (initiating) talking to a guy and getting to know him. Taking charge of the process.

So a girl looks like a sex organ in high heels, men are naturaly looking to sow there oats and they see a girl looking like a sex organ in high heels, so he rationalises if this person was not looking for sex she would not be dressed / present herself in this mannor that clearly turns me and other guys on. The fact that she is presenting herself in a mannor that inidicates sex means she will atract the guys looking for sex ! Common Sence.

ie Women" dont look at my breasts when you talk to me", but i will still wear a revealing low cut top that will show my cleavage which I know is a erotic turn on for men... All men.

Alternative. If I wear an ordinary sweater that does not highlight my sexual organs then men will not look at my sexual organs.... ! Common Sence. If a guy walks up to you with a g string on and no pants you will look ! Its natural, you know it, I know it everyone knows it. If you dont want to be seen in a sexual way dont present yourself in a sexual way. ! Common sence.

So if you want to meet a man who does not view you as a sexual object 1. dont present yourself as one. 2. Make an effort to get to know these men... ..... Oh but I forget, your saying this but you class these men as Geeks and the guys who view you as a sex object as Alpha Males and go with them anyway !

Please Please Please, do and say what you mean. It would be so much simpler. And yes I know a woman should be able to wear clothes that make her feel sexy, all for that. I should be able to wear crothchless underpants when I go out and women should not look.

Your not gonna not look though are you !

EXCUSE ME? I do not go out looking like a whore and yet you presume that I do so. I am saying that the OP was presumed that are all empty headed pretty dolls and that is an unfair statement. YOU do not know who I date or how I behave when I got out. Some men dress like tramps and become angry when men treat them the way they dress. I however do not go to bars to get picked up and yes I approach men and start conversations with them without looking like a prostitute.

AGAIN NO GENERALITIES HERE. You don't see me saying that men only think with their peckers and are incapable of having a legitimate relationship.

Don't take your frustrations of being a substandard human being on women

You make good point which I will take on board.....At the weekend I go to nighclubs socialising with friends, yes we can talk to a lady about these things u mentioned but i can't just walk upo and say "tell me about yourself" lol its how to appraoch them and what ur first question should be is what i struggle with?????

Hello Tyne:

Try to say something that will draw out details about her. "Your friends seem nice--how did you get to know them?" is a compliment and a window into her past. Forming a bond will release dopamine, a mood booster in her brain.
Another crucial conversation tip: Talk at the same pace she does and she'll consider you intelligent, kind, con-fident, and ambitious.

The good ladies you are looking for are not in bars or clubs, they are busy working and wondering where their Mr. Right will show up. So my suggestion is only to help you talk the right lady. It's your choice who you want to talk to, but be wise who you want to talk to!:)

Good luck:)

First off Tyne you have to be comfortable and make them feel comfortable and a good way is to learn in real life with real females and to start get in the habit of speaking to everyone you have eye contact with. A smile, and a simple hello, how are you, will get you into the habit of greeting strangers and speaking to those you come in contact with at stores and banks and places of business, will give you some practice at the people skills necessary to approach any one in an easy comfortable fashion. Eye contact will take you far, so don't waiver or look away and smile.

EXCUSE ME? I do not go out looking like a whore and yet you presume that I do so.

Don't take your frustrations of being a substandard human being on women


Hi GlindaofOz. Like all the post on here, none are meant as a personal attack against a person, if you feel that then please accept my apology. This is a different and valid point of view in exactly the same way yours is.

It would appear that the signals women give out are not the signals men interpret.

It's just that no one can speak in generalities. Its not fair. If something does not apply to everyone then do not apply it to everyone. That's all I'm saying. Its offensive to women who do not appear like that to be treated that way. Too many men walk around with the opinion that all women are cold hearted ball busters who dress like tramps and act like a tease.

I'll let the guys answer that one. Lol

Guys that don't want to get in girls pants aren't considered pick up artists in my opinion...

As individuals we can sometimes only consider how certain situations affect our emotions and don't look at how it affects others. Also because we don't want to show our lonliness and heartbreak to the world we put on a mask / shield / act that everything is OK.

As we grow up we realise that this is not just us but everyone does the same.

Here is a thought: In looking for a partner and being rejected it makes us feel bad due to the negative feelings.

In being dumped it makes us feel bad due to the negative feelings.

Now in both these curcumstances we are caught up in our own emotions and sometimes do not look at the emotions of the other person involved.

Now the person who rejects someone or dumps someone is / or appears to be on the emotional higher ground. And yet sometimes when the rejected or the dumper moves on and finds another the Rejector / Dumper can feel a sense or regret, jeolosy or loss.

So when a relationship ends or you are rejected try to act like you were the person who rejected or dumped. = Higher emotional ground. You may be hurting in hell like side, but don't give them the satisfaction and arrogance that they have hurt you. Much better to let them think F*** what have I done... This helps you to heal ! And lets face it, since the rejection was from them and they don't care about you, then why care about them anymore. They do not deserve your caring or love, only someone who genuinly appreciates you does...

Never let them see you cry ! Always leave on the emotional higher ground. Let them do the regret ! (Or at least let them think it)

I would still think it is better to face the reality of the situation and deal with whatever comes with it. Denying reality is unhealthy, psychologically speaking, and continued patterns of such behavior can really cause some problems down the line.

This does not mean one sits and cries for days on end and digs a hole and lives in it. No. It means to look seriously at what happened, learn from it and apply the knowledge to life ahead. You don't have to suffer in public, such as putting ashes on your face for suffering, but you are at least honest with your inner self. Every experience, even the very painful ones, lends to our maturity.

Learning to accept reality and move forward, will go along way in keeping you grounded and in control of your feelings. Saves a lot of confusion on what should I do next. That's why I always say give those exes what they want, and focus on you being healthy, and happy. Leave them alone until YOU feel better.

keeping you grounded and in control of your feelings.

Well said for the whole post. But this bit is very important. As we develop feelings for someone and attachment to someone, it can be very hard to deal with the emotions that remain once the person is closed off from us.

Regognising your high and low emotional states is important, because its in these states of mind that you act irrationally. Keeping grounded and of a normal emotional state is important. Allways try to Centre yourself...

Is it better to be friends with a girl first before you ask her out or is it better to pull her as soon as you meet her ?

No!

In saying that its great to be a friend but if you want to get in with a girl you have to be the right friend! If you thinkyou can be the friend who is like agirlfriend and get in NO WAY!!

But if you can be the guy friend who is not available for the crap shoulder to cry on but the FUN friend who she always wants to be around but is always busy then YES!!

If you wnt a girl don't ever become the NICE friend or she will see you as just that a FRIEND while some hrk off sweeps her from under you!!

Mckenzie said it perfectly. I speak from experience that you should not be a best friend to a girl before you date her. NEVER be the nice guy that she can spill everything to and you do everything for her. Be a man. There's a difference between being a boyfriend and being friendzoned, and once you are in the friendzone, it's very hard to get out.

Read some of my old threads and you'll find out all about where being a nice guy gets you. I'm learning myself that I need to stick up for myself more.

I agree completely. As a female voice here. The guys that have "pulled me" (lol that so funny to me) who started as friends were my crazy fun guy friends. The guy I could always call to go do something fun. That guy established himself as the guy who was into getting to know me but was not there as a shoulder to cry on. He was nice but not a doormat. The friendships were always high energy (its the best way to describe it). Lots of banter back and forth and flirting. They were also guys I could depend on which is important because that leads to a girl going hey, I have lots of fun with him, we flirt and I can depend on him maybe we should kick this up a notch!

However I would like to say that if the romantic relationship does not work the friendship dies. It always does and it is for the best.

Hello.

To be friends you need to get to know each other and the best way to get to know each other is to go out and do things together. When you ask her if she wants to go to a movie or to the mall, that is a date. All dates don't need to be romantic sexual dates. The best dates are relaxing dates that flow, where your both doing what feel right at the time. It could be holding hands as you walk around the mall or in a movie and that could lead to a kiss and so on. If it happens in it's own time it will be special.

In a nut shell enjoy being around her. If the two of you get along and start doing things together then let time lead you into a relationship. You can't force a relationship and make it work, it never will.

Dennis777

I agree with the others. Do not become one of her girlfriends or else you'll never get to the level you want with her.

Is it better to be friends with a girl first before you ask her out or is it better to pull her as soon as you meet her ?
Friends because then she will feel comfortable being around you and when the moment is right you will know then you will ask her out but do not aask her out before then because I should know I am a girl it happened to me before

ATTENTION! : THE FOLLOWING POST IS A BIG SLAM ON WOMEN, IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ THIS, PLEASE, SKIP BELOW TO SOMETHING MORE SENSIBLE AND CREDIBLE.

I find that women don't really last too long single. They generally tend to hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, and usually its within a circle of friends. So my short answer is yes, you should probably be friends with her first.

A this isn't a race
B you don't know what you're getting yourself into
C this is mostly going to be her decision not yours
D have some confidence, she'll figure out you're cooler than anybody else for herself.

Women want what they can't have. I recently began seeing somebody new seriously, and all the girls that couldn't give me the time of day when I was interested are now looking for any excuse possible to call me. I don't get it. Women don't get it. They don't deny it either, so officially, nobody gets it. Be a disinterested friend for a while and see what happens.

ForeverZero - you need to add the caveat that this is how IMMATURE women act.

I know of no one who has ever behaved in such a fashion.

Whenever I become friends with a guy first I keep it that way. I have had guys start as my friend and then try to cross the line. This only results in them no longer being a friend because they crossed the friendship line.

I think you can get to know somebody slowly but always let it be known that you are interested in being more than friends. Of course it is usually easier if you don't get intimate while you figure things out.

I don't think you understood the original post. She state that I'm not going to date a guy best on looks alone.

Looks are important and even to women. There has to be an attraction of some kind for a women to consider dating you. Its not all about the looks if that is the question. The percentage based on the makeup and experiences of the woman in question. I don't think you understood the original post. She is says that I'm not going to date a guy best on looks along.

An attactive man comes in a room see this woman in nice black dress. He comes to her says have that dress looks very good on you, but it would look better on my bedroom floor. I doubt he would get anywhere with this woman.

Rewind the situation

Same guy comes in and instead of that stupid line he comes to her and introduces himself and ask her name and say a decent conversation. He has a fighting chance. (Even an unattactive person has a chance)

I have heard this from loads of girls, that they like a guy and don't let him know. Then complain about not being asked out or about the guy they are with that they don't fancy.

Guys can be just as shy as girls, nothing stopping them initiating. But why don't they ?

I have heard this from loads of girls, that they like a guy and dont let him know. Then complain about not being asked out or about the guy they are with that they dont fancy.

Guys can be just as shy as girls, nothing stopping them initiating. But why don't they ?

Because men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Men and women different. Men don't think like women and women don't think like men. We are different. Girls don't tell a guy they like him because they are afraid of getting hurt. The same reason why it is hard for a guy to ask out a girl. They don't want to get hurt. Best advice to you is girls love confidence and take a risk. No risk--no reward.

Another reason I know is that men always do not cherish girls who make first move! And this is very commen in china!if girls make first move,maybe they get there,but in such kind of relationship,men always not serious as girls,and it seems they are always ready for break-up,because they think it is the girl who make the first move,if I found something wrong with her or found another girl more beautiful or more sexy or more rich... then break up with that girl easily without hesitation,if that girl don't want end-up,then men treat her like street girl,"easy come,easy go",something like that!such kind of things happened to several of my friends and classmantes! There is a story! A & B are best friends,C is my classmate,A fell in love with my classmate when he first saw her,when A decided to ask C for a date,he went to see C with B,but C like B at the very moment when she saw him!B confessed he has the same feeling for C after C made first move! They became boyfriend and girlfriend.but after several months later,C felt B was not serious with this relationship,and all of us can tell that from their activities,B always had to follow up B's schedules,no matter she likes or not.if B wanted to see her,then fine,if not,C had to stay away from him,can't bother him.lovers like to spend weekend together,but B don't think so,date out or not depends on his mood!sometimes they go to hotel for sex,B never pay for the hotel,B never bought gifts for C even in important days. All of us said B did not deserve C to do so many things for her,but C said she loved him,and always pretended she was so happy with him.another several months later,they borken up! And B was with another girl soon although C tried so hard to get him back!
Maybe such kind of stories do not happen in other country,but I believe this is very common in china! If girl makes first move,then man believe this girl must be very open,just like street girl,does not deserve their true love,they can have a try with this girl,but the ending always is unhappy!sounds unfair but it is true! So sometimes I think chinese men are totally ,I don't want to be rude,but it is true again!

You know what! In that condition, when girls ask guys for reason of break-up,guys said" it is you who make first move"!sometimes they think girls make first love,it means she must love me more,then I have no need to pay sepcial attention or show sepcial care to her,she is there,maybe always there!why not have a try?if found unsuitable,then break up without responsibility or guilty!even no need to make excuses for break-up.And men always think that kind of girls do not deserve their cherish and love! It is very true in China! I mean in china!Normally,men live in west world do not care about that!right?

Here's my straight up: If a man isn't confident enough to make the first move on me, he's not going to be able to handle me in the long run anyway. I have made the first move on guys, but long-term those guys just aren't assertive enough to deal with my personality. Everybody has a different reason for not wanting to make the first move. For me, it's because my first test to see if you'll have "the goods" to really date me is to see if you have "the goods" to make a move on me. Everybody's different, but I'm not the only girl I know who uses that as a screening technique.

Often girls that have made the first move are treated by the guy like they are T00 aggressive, a big flirt or tease, or 'they must be a slut' etc... And often when the girl has to make the first move she most likely isn't what the guy wants anyway... unless he does want an assertive aggressive woman

Its like this. "if he doesnt have the guts to ask me out, hes not worth my time."

If interested in someone, is it better to show a definite statement of intent that you want to be with them and suffer the possibility of rejection!

Or is it better to show indications that you like the person and wait to see if this is reciprocated ? If it is fine, if its not then you know and do not suffer any perceived rejection.

What are your thoughts.

I don't understand what you mean by "show a statement of intent". A statement, literally, is something you say, not show. Dating is a game and it really helps if you play with someone who likes you a lot.

I agree with George. Don't be too forward, at least not at the beginning. And also, the more the person likes you, the more forward you can be. Feel it out and test the waters a little bit. Good luck.

Like, you should write up a letter on your lawyer's letterhead..

In the first instances of meeting someone it is natural for us all to form an opinion about the person. The initial opinion is of appearance, i.e. do we find the person to be attractive or not. (It is said that this only takes seconds for this to register in our sub conscious).

If we find the person to be attractive we are naturally open to forming an emotional connection with this person. We are open to talking to them, getting to know them, flirting etc. We see them as a potential mate.

However if we do not find the person to be attractive then we are not open to forming an emotional connection etc. We see the person on a friendly basis. Friendship Only.

So if a person tries to connect with someone who finds them attractive then they have a greater chance of connecting with that person.

If a person tries to connect with someone who does not find them attractive then they will receive negative responses or rejection from the person who does not find them attractive.

So if an unattractive person wants to connect to an attractive person then they must demonstrate a value to the other person, other than their looks. Ie: sense of humour, personality etc (in some cases money / status). Once this is demonstrated then the person may fall for them because of these other qualities.

However my question is this ? How can an unattractive person, Male or Female be in a position to demonstrate their positive personality traits to the attractive person they desire, if that person is not open to forming an emotional connection with them and sees them only on a friendship level.

If the perceived attractive person does not view the person as a potential mate on a conscious or sub conscious level then they are not open to communication and naturally inclined to look for a different person who they find attractive as their potential mate. Not the person who they do not view in that way.

((It would appear that the dating game - relationship success and emotional happiness are all subject to the body beautiful and appearance image. We all would like the attention and love of the super model or the hunk)).

onlineguy writes: "However my question is this ? How can an unattractive person, Male or Female be in a position to demonstrate their positive personality traits to the attractive person they desire, if that person is not open to forming an emotional connection with them and sees them only on a friendship level."
This is also known as the physical attraction test and may be the most superficial assessment in the 'mating' game. But it remains the gateway, nonetheless. The other one, for guys anyway, is to get a good look at her mother.

An interesting commentary on today's Dating Game comes from the pen of the greatest romantic writer of all time... Shakespeare.

"Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks, Shall win my love:"
The Taming of the Shrew
Act IV, Scene II

I agree that the physical attraction plays a huge part in the dating game, but superficiality can only get you so far...

I'm going to disagree with you, as its easy to assume, what attracts people together, but the truth is we never know, whom we are attracted to, and for what reason.

Such a nice line from Shakespeare; don't you think he was in a quiet place contemplating verse and meter? And not on the scene or in a pub? Where did people meet in his day?
onlineguy's post speaks of "In the first instances of meeting someone...." And that is why I used "gateway". Unless one is either blind or separated by distance upon meeting, the first impression (or onlineguy's words, "initial opinion") is pretty-much dictated by what one sees.

It's the science of love. Think about it this way... you ever go to the mall... at a restaurant... or wherever you are, and you see a stunning woman (or man) and you think, wow... she/he's gorgeous. Then suddenly, you see the guy/girl next to them and you think, HOW THE..?

... you never know.

I think Shakespeare struck on a truth... The truth that looks aren't everything.

He also lived in a time of literary correspondence. Literary correspondence in which people got to know one another through lines of poetry rather than over the rim of a cosmo.

I'm not saying either method is more superior to the other, but I think we as 21st century relationship seekers/finders/upholders would stand to benefit from a little more Shakespeare and a little less Long Island Ice Tea.

:D That's just my opinion... yes... I'm a hopeless romantic!

Interesting Replies Guys

So for a naturally attractive person the dating game holds many opportunities.

But for a naturally less attractive person the dating game and future relationships hold fewer opportunities.
Their greatest chance of meeting someone is not pubs, clubs where they are judged on appearance first and dismissed without being given a chance to show their personality but by working with attractive people so their personality can show through.

I'm going to make an assertion that physical appearance is not be the key component of attraction. I think it is obviously over valued in today's society. Some people are attracted to the sound of another's voice, their actions, or their life style.

There are people who are not into looks, but are attracted by those other qualities.

I think the type of person who is attracted by those other qualities would be more desirable to have a relationship with. When your looks fade, your other qualities will still be there for you.

Granted, if you have the looks, then you have one more potential tool for successful attraction given that it takes different strokes for different folks.

A big problem with the visual factor of attraction is that what you see is not always what you get.

I can agree with almost all, but edited several words: "Granted, if you have the looks, then you have a tool for more opportunities given that it takes different strokes for different folks."

I was with a Good Looking girl whom I loved but she had a stinking attitude which I could not live with. So I ended the relationship and thought I would find another good looking girl with a nice attitude, but this did not happen and I suffered rejection and loneliness. This caused me to feel low and down and I therefore wanted the ex girlfriend. But she had already moved on to another.

However I did not realise that I am not as attractive as I once thought I was!!

I have since continued to not find another girlfriend and therefore, I now miss her terribly and it feels like I have lost the love of my life. When in actual fact it is the love of a good looking girlfriend with a nice attitude that I miss.

But this constant failure is making me feel severely depressed, and this loneliness is making me miss being with someone. Therefore all I think about now is her and the good times and I now can't remember the bad times or how bad the attitude was that drove me away.. Few years ago now.

This is really causing me pain and driving me insane, I don’t know how to deal with these feelings ….. Or how to continue on this lonely road. Oh I could make do with someone I do not find attractive just for company. But then if I was to make do then I should have stuck it out with the ex who I liked 90% of everything about her, except for her attitude which is a fundamental part of her personality!!

I can't even go back, the girl married and moved away years ago.

Help! I am so mixed up……

Hello again guy, sorry to hear about your problems coping with rejection. May I suggest an honest look at your own attitude, and choices, to point you in a direction of self improvement?

Your entire post gives evidence to the standards you put on others, and to be honest sounds very shallow. To find a good healthy partner, you yourself must be a good healthy partner, and basing that on looks, might not be the way to go.

I suggest friendly interaction, and knowing the person, and letting the person know you, a better idea, than the superficial method your using now.
Good luck!

I wouldn't take you not find a new girlfriend yet that meets your standards personally. It's not a reflection on you completely, part of that is just the randomness of the universe.

That's why you need to waste VERY LITTLE TIME being mopey and self-critical, and just stay out there.

If your list has "good looks" on it NEAR THE TOP, then that might need to come off completely for awhile. You don't fully realize this, but beauty is subjective. Think about it... you broke up with your previous good looking g/f because her personality was ugly, overall resulting in her being ugly.

You MUST realize the opposite is true as well... dating people or hanging out with nice, selfless, productive and giving people will MAKE them more attractive to you overall.

Just get out there, find some giving environments to meet people, probably places you haven't tried yet.

Stuck in a vicious circle now, see a woman I find attractive, either let my feelings know or ask her out - get rejected, confidence and self esteem knocked - feel depressed over the rejection and miss the ex partner who's value is now as high as when I was originally in love with her!! This is insane, I can't deal with this anymore ! My depression is getting severe as well as my value reversal.

All I can think about is the ex ! How **** up is that ! (Even have thoughts to contact her!! - Will never do that- ).

Can anyone help me through this ?

I would suggest seeing a therapist, depression is a terrible illness and almost impossible to overcome without professional help. The self esteem issues can be resolved by maybe working out a bit? I know after my break up, I felt a little down on myself, then I started going to the gym daily, and after awhile people were commenting how much better I got with my shape and health wise.

A simple check up may help, but doing things that you enjoy, and makes you happy does wonders.

Coping with rejection is something we all have to learn. Self confidence is the key to that.

You need more time, and a busier plan, that gets you busy building yourself, and teaching you to love yourself, more than you love her.

For you to like a man who is interested in you, then you need to see a value in him or you will reject him. (Same for men)

If you have an ex partner, you have left him or moved on because you no longer see a value in him. (Same for men).

So in both circumstances - What are the things that lose value and the things that gain value ?

What makes you want him as opposed to not wanting him?

Positive Value:

Negative Value:

Respect

The biggest thing, I believe.

I thinks its more about feelings, and seeing if you both connect on the working together on many levels, that nurtures those feeling so they can grow.

Respect, honesty, connection

Ditto to tali! I thinks its more about feelings, and seeing if you both connect on the working together on many levels, that nurtures those feeling so they can grow.

Positive - admiration
Negative - apathy

Puzzling Question ! I see women on a daily basis who are of attraction value to me based on their looks.

Ie: I find them physically desirable and therefore have an emotional / connection interest to go and talk to them. If I then find they have a good personality I am drawn to them even more possibly looking for a connection.

However the only women I receive similar responses from are unattractive women !

Good Looking Attractive women do not give me those value responses.
- Now I don't think of myself as unattractive - Just Average ! Good Humour fun to be around.. So I don't know why I am getting this response ?

Is it good looking women will only show interest in good looking guys ? Or am I missing something..

Your field is narrow, and needs to be broader in its scope. Sometimes being to superficial is not good, and also your approach could be bad.

What is unattractive... to you?

How do I attract the attention / desire of beautiful women ?

Walk up to then and say HI! If you are confident, smart and outgoing women will flock to you. If you are quiet, shy and cannot carry on a basic conversation without saying "um, ah, youknow" then people will see you for what you are.

#1. confidence

Confidence does help A LOT, but that's only the start and it may not always work. Honestly, if you want some gorgeus lady on your arm, you've got to at least somewhat look like you deserve it. Stay clean cut, decent style, that helps. Also, make her LAUGH! I think this kind of goes with confidence but a sense of humor will almost always attract a girls attention, from there it usually gets easier to talk to her and share things in common, get to know each other and stuff... from there, wing it, if it works out, great, if not, try again on someone else.
Hope that helped ;]

Confidence, intelligence, sincerity, cleansliness, and honesty.

But, if you are being superficial, only looking at the outward appearance the "beautiful women" and not paying attention to who they are on the inside, then you will need;

Vanity, money, a nice car, a nice house, a gorgeous body, a gorgeous face, no scrupules and no sincerity.

Just be yourself. :)

Become rich,

become rich,

Haha, that works too. :)

Just be a friend... while it is flattering to have guys drooling over you it can be a bit annoying. And if she thinks that all you want is sex she will almost always push away from you. Girls typically do not want a guy interested in only sex. Usually they want a guy who is interested in her, her best interest, and things like that. You need to actually listen to what she has to say and notice the little things in life. Don't try to be genuinely interested... be genuinely interested... she will be able to tell the difference. Although she will appreciate the effort either way. Good luck! Oh and ps... don't try to "wow" her or overdo it with material things. Often simplicity and quality matter more the quantity and granduar.

How do I attract the attention / desire of beautiful women


God didn't make no ugly women, so just pick one you like.

If a woman is interested or attracted to you what signs will she give above being friendly ?

Wel the woman would normally show u some physical sign of attraction, such as touching u in a way for u to realise that this is more than a friend or want to be

Some physical body language such as licking her lips and fiddling with her hair is usually a sign she is into you.

If I were that woman, you'd probably think I am not interested even though I really am.

But maybe can you tell by the way she looks/smiles at you comparing to the way she looks at other guys?

All women are different. Some are extremely shy about letting you know they like you. Some have no issues about being straightforward and letting you know what they want. This can get confusing. The assertive ones will let you know that they like you by asking you out, or simply telling you. The not-so-assertive ones will throw subtle hints, such as bumping into you constantly, or making sure she is consistently in your sight. She may also wear nice clothes and do her makeup when she knows you will be around.

She may touch you in a playful or friendly manner. Maybe she softly taps you on the arm in a seemingly playful fashion, or touches your hair (or head) while talking to you. These moves may be a sign that she is interested.

Also she makes it a point to introduce you to her friends. A lot of girls want to get the opinion of her girlfriends. They want you to know who her friends are, and visa versa.

What signs are she giving you?

Often when someone is interested they will open up a little more; she may let on that she's not involved currently or start to inquire about your status. There's no 100% sure way of knowing aside from asking her if she'd like to go out. Everyone shows interest in different way so you'll just have to go out on a limb.

Depends on the woman.

Some are more aggressive and willing to touch your hand or shoulder, etc...

Some might make give verbal openings to see if you chase.

There's no right answer here.

I've always been most attracted to women who were more confident and perhaps aggressive... if I liked a girl and then she showed clear interest with flirting or physical touch it usually escalated my interest up several notches. Was more than willing to take a risk, but at least one love I dated, for over two years, I wasn't necessarily going to chase... she gave me some hints, both verbal and physical, and it piquéd my interest.

So... you CANNOT state anything across the board. It depends on the girl. Not all will give physical cues.

So... as asked... what's the deal? Explain.

When you first break up they want to keep in touch all the time, saying that they always want to be a part of your life and will always be a friend.

But as soon as they meet another, then that's it they never want to keep in touch, don't want to have anything to do with you, your like something they stepped in.


Why Lie ?

It's not really a lie. When you first break up, it's really difficult to completely cut off all contact because you are so dependent on each other. It's to make the break up less painful. Don't take what the other person says so literally.

When you meet someone new, you should be committed to the new person.

She already moved on with her life. It's time for you to move on with your life. If you moved on, then it wouldn't bother you so much that she doesn't contact you. Don't dwell on the past anymore move forward.

It might sound like a lie, but I'm sure it's not intentional. If a relationship ended on friendly terms, then keeping in touch is normal. When either person has moved on, keeping in touch with an "ex" might be uncomfortable for the "new" person.

I also want to throw in that while it may not be a lie, it is an indication of the other person's lack of emotional maturity, as well as respect for your feelings.

Anyone who has been through a tough break up knows how hard it is to cut ties. All too often, though, we find that same person leading someone on later in life. This is one of the many positive aspects of No Contact; the best way to show the other person that you care is by giving him or her space and a chance to truly heal. It also shows that you are capable of healing on your own, as well.

Just a different perspective. It's usually not an intentional lie, but I do feel that it is a form of passive manipulation.

~ Tee

At any given moment, we will choose the path of least discomfort. Breaking up is uncomfortable, so it's common to couch the breakup in soft cushy talk. The soft words are meant to make THIS MOMENT more bearable. They have no real bearing on what will or won't happen in the future. No weight should be put on any of it... except the "it's over" part.

It's not a lie. That's a horrible way to interpret the situation. Even if every word being spoken is an outright falsehood, being aware of what's really going on here is what loving people do.

When you're a parent and you catch your child in his first lie, I PROMISE that if you make a big deal of the lie told instead of talking about the event surrounding it, you will be missing an opportunity to really connect with your child.

So, the question isn't "why lie?" The question is, "Why beat the issue? It's over."

As well as what the others have said it's a way of letting you down lightly without trying to hurt your feelings too much.

Therefore making it easier for you to slowly come to terms that its over and making their guilt less.

Its not a lie, but when someone gets a new love interest, who has time for friends, especially exes? Would you? What would your new love say about talking to your ex?

You let it go, as most friends would do, and let your friend have fun. If your truly a friend, and not just hanging around hoping for more.

Who's lying then, with those kind of secret motives?

Do you have a secret motive?

Do you have a secret motive?

I have a lovely scented votive. Is that close enough?


<rim shot>

Good looks rule the dating game.

But what do you do if your unattractive but attracted to good looking women.

Or Unattractive women attractted to good looking guys.

If your unattractive then good looking others will reject your advances... so do you stay alone or make do with someone where there is no physical attraction?

There are two sides to this argument,some would argue that the person has to be 'good looking ' before they would consider dating someone,the second might say there has to be physical attraction.

Good looking does not always equal physical attraction.

Take dating sites,your talking to someone who has yet up post a picture of themselves,your enjoying the banter,the conversation is intelligent,light.. you feel a connection,if when you do meet that person and they do not meet your beauty bar,do you disregard any relationship,or even getting to know them better... sadly some do.

Its just the way we are,we are not considered 'p c' if we say I would not date an ugly man/woman. But its all relative..

What I consider beautiful,handsome, others may mock and say your crazy...

Good looks are not important to me,but physical attraction is.

I'm attracted to a smart man,intelligence turns me on,that in turn triggers my physical attraction,if the most beautiful man on earth asked me out and he was dumb as s**t,I don't think id last the evening.

You keep going until you find someone that attracts you, and are attracted by you. Why settle?

What you that desperate that you'll take anything that gives you the green light??

I don't think it makes a different between online dating and real life dating.

If the girl/guy is looking for someone with good looks, they will look for it online or in real life.

So don't let the looks thing get to you. If you have a conversation with someone and feel the connection, then things can fall into place.

The things that initially attract me to another are I.Q. and sense of humor. When we begin to mesh relationship-wise, that person mysteriously becomes drop-dead gorgeous. I can't explain how that works.

I've heard your words before, usually coming from a guy who feels he's unattractive, but wondering why/complaining about the fact that the beautiful model types don't tend to go for them. They complain about the shallowness of these gals, but never consider why they themselves wouldn't dream of getting to know a less attractive girl who might be a really fantastic partner.

I would urge you to consider what might be attractive to you in a partner, besides general appearance. Sense of humor, loyalty, playfulness, good work ethic, etc. Think about the qualities you would like your partner to have and get out there and look.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that looks don't matter much in the long run, and they certainly don't last forever.

Good luck...

Good looks rule the dating game.


Good looks may get your noticed, but confidence gets you in the door. Simple process here. Being a guy, almost ANY girl will be attracted to a guy who is confident in himself. If you are a guy, follow my advice to getting yourself a "date" with a female you are attracted to:

Walk up to them, BS with them and then ask for their number. Regardless of their answer, make sure you act like it didn't bother you at all. Their answer and their reaction should have ZERO effect on you one way or another. The key is to ensure that they know you can live with or without them!

Confidence 101... for more tips, let me know, but I PROMISE you confidence is the key to dating, not being good looking. Girls want a guy who is confident of himself (not cocky) and isn't tripping over his own tongue over them.

^^KC had to spread the Rep but I couldn't have said it better myself.

Confidence is key. Just be careful not to cross the line and go from being confident to a douchebag... that will not help.

If a guy is physically attracted to a girl he will have the emotional desire to get to know her. (Shyness not prevailing) he will initiate some form of contact.

If he then likes her personality he will then be more emotionaly drawn to her, spending time with her, going out with her. Etc etc.

(Ie, He has initial perceived emotional value in appearance, then greater perceived emotional value in her personality. This high value is an attraction needed for love, which is after all a strong emotional connection to another based on high value of attraction and emotional connection). Continuation by positive interest, time and rewarding experiences which increases perceive sub conscious emotional value. (Feelings of love).

MY QUESTIONS ARE :
Is it the same or any different for women ?
If it is the same (shyness prevailing) then why don't women initiate ! Or do they ?

It is often a matter of culture, and nationality. Also social pressures and even culture within economic groups

Have you ever tried asking one of them out?
Just do it confidently and with humour.

Having failed a few times does not mean you will always fail.Besides try to check out on your personal short coming and work on your personal image and your worthness

One could overcome by first dealing with your past history if that is part of the cause.Accept that things happened in the past and so they should not affect your future.Purpose to accept yourself because your worthnes,security and love does not depend on the reactions of others towards you but what you believe your maker says about you

Shyness could be as a result of arrested development during growth engagement in activities which are interactive like sports could help to bring out ones confidence especially when one begins score or win in some events

not sure if I understand but since I read your post it would be nice to reply.

I don't think men are the only one who make the first move.
some women make the first move.
some times they are both afraid to make the first move.
As for the whole value idea men some times think there to important and being a 18 year old teen dealing with high school boys I can honestly say the whole value thing comes from witch ever one thinks looks better then the other...

hope you can read some of my posts and answere because we can really relate them and share ideas.


much love

If a guy is a nice bloke, why would a woman not be flattered and complimented by his attention !

If attracted to beautiful woman, which is natural and the first stage of attraction, then liking her personality to move to an emotional / physical connection. But!!

Beautiful women not attracted to man, then what is the way forward ?

Settle with someone not attractive / live alone or face continues rejection ?

What sort of life is that, no future, no prospect of family... No point to continue, nothing to continue for.

Because maybe she feels like you're pursuing her. Maybe she feels like she just wants to be friends and you're pushing it. Maybe she just thinks you're a creeper. Maybe she has a boyfriend and doesn't want to express how flattered she is, or maybe she simply doesn't feel flattered at all. It depends completely on what type of woman you're dealing with, what her situation is, what mood she was in, and probably a million other variables.

A beautiful woman is not attracted to a specific man so she will settle with someone not attractive and live alone to face continuous rejection??

Um, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. If a woman isn't attracted to one man, maybe this just isn't her type of man! She has a whole world of guys out there- and one of them is her soul mate. There are many options out there for a beautiful woman. I don't quite understand why this question is so difficult for you to figure out...

If attracted to beautiful woman, which is natural and the first stage of attraction, then liking her personality to move to an emotional / physical connection. But !!!

Beautiful women not attracted to man, then what is the way forward ?

Settle with someone not attractive / live alone or face continues rejection ?

What sort of life is that, no future, no prospect of family.... No point to continue, nothing to continue for.

Okay, let me see if I got this straight.

You're attracted to a beautiful woman but she isn't attracted to you.

Now you want to know if you should settle for someone not attractive or live alone or keep trying with the woman that isn't attracted to you and face rejection.

If I got it right then here's my advice.

1. Write clearer so that we can understand what you're asking.

2. There are other women out there, a lot of attractive women, but I would suggest being a little less shallow and stop focusing on the outward appearance only.

Are you also saying that if you can't have this one specific woman then your have no future?

A little dramatic, aren't you?

Er, this seems to be a theme through a range of the threads you've started.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/looks-rule-374958.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/how-do-attract-attention-desire-beautiful-women-277329.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/do-looks-rule-dating-game-178834.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-so-messed-up-262115.html

I have to ask - why is beauty SO important? Why do you believe that your life would be less that perfect if you don't have a beautiful woman, and have (heaven forbid) a less attractive woman?

I just don't get why this is SO important to you. I would have thought that kindness, consideration, sense of humor, intelligence and balance (to name a few) would have been far more important qualities in a prospective partner than 'beauty'.

There are so many beautiful people out there - they may not have perfect eyes, noses, or bodies but they are genuine loving human beings. Sadly you're not able to see them because of your blind obsession.

Until you do some deep thinking about yourself and your superficial motivations you will never attract anyone 'beautiful' into your life. The people you meet will only reflect your own superficiality back to you, and you will continue to be unhappy because of your unrealistic expectations.

Is this how you want your life to be?

I forgot to add - as I don't want to keep banging on about this - that when you love someone they are beautiful to you!

I think that my husband is just gorgeous and when I look at him, although he's not Brad Pitt, I think he's the most handsome man in the world.

I forgot to add - as I don't want to keep banging on about this - that when you love someone they are beautiful to you!

I think that my husband is just gorgeous and when I look at him, although he's not Brad Pitt, I think he's the most handsome man in the world.

Gemini, I feel the same way.

I have to say, there are people that I've met that are drop dead gorgeous, but the longer you know them the uglier they become, because their souls are rotten.

Then there are people that aren't much to look at but when you get to know them they shine like the brightest star in the sky. They are truly beautiful, because of who they are on the inside.

It's sad that there are people who only concentrate on outward beauty and don't give people a chance to show the beauty they have inside.

Closed, does no one ever look at dates

Honest Truth...

Honest truth... why would you want to be with someone who is so concerned about only one area of the relationship. It's not that it's not important. But there's so many other things that are more important. Like communication. Trust. If it's really a good relationship with trust and communication, anything physical tends to be less important

I have never understood guys being concerned about their size. I see ads on TV to increase the length, surgeries, pills, and for what.

Going out on a limb here and going to say that in my humble opinion, size on a man is about as significant as how many pepperoni slices are on your pizza.

OP, are you talking about height or the size of a certain body part?

I'm not even sure what the question IS. Could you be a little more clear?

I THINK they are asking if either men's genital size and/or height is really that important to women. Maybe? :)

I'm a fairly short and slim guy but I find many women don't mind. I made up for it by working out a lot so I went from scrawny to being built like a lightweight boxer. I'll never be big and I've accepted it. It's just like a bald man who doesn't try to hide it instead of doing a comb over or wearing a piece. Women like men who like themselves.

You already asked this. And with 91 posts you should know better than to repeat a question rather than add to your previous post.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/girls-small-men-height-dating-420850.html#post2110117

Guess he was asking about height

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/girls-small-men-height-dating-420850.html#post2110117

guess he was asking about height

There goes our fun.

I still think we need more details then this.

Well I always though he was talking about height not the size of his member.. just shows how boring I am!

Anyway, to the OP, how short are you talking about? Jockey short? Napoleon Bonaparte short? Danny De Vito short?

I need to have a sense of this before I can answer, but the last 2 guys I mentioned have been very successful in their own ways.

I suggest it's about your energy, not about your height. Hell, even Mini Me was going out with a fashion model wasn't he?

Women, generally speaking, won't respect a man who doesn't respect himself. (we all know that deep down none of us much respect ourselves, it's something most of us need to work on.) It also depends on the woman... I'm engaged to a 6'1'' Marine, my twin sister is dating a 5'11'' emo kid... It's all about personal opinion- no one is quite the same.

Girls / Guys I just don’t get this? Need clarity of thought here.

As a guy, if I am physically attracted to a woman I have an emotional desire to connect with her, an emotional desire to show indications of interest that I like her. (Talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with her, want to spend time with her, put myself in a position where she will be etc).

(Excluding the effects of shyness on this process).

However if I don’t find the girl physically attractive but like her personality then I see the girl as a friend, like spending time with her but I don’t look to connect with her. (No emotional desire / attraction). I will therefore enjoy her company but won't look to single her out to talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with just her or want to spend time with just her.

What is puzzling me is female responses??

I would have thought exactly the same applies to females as well as males! But this does not appear to be the case?

The dilemma I am finding is that woman I find attractive don’t show signs of emotional interest or IOI but the women who I don’t find attractive do show these signs.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I am not found as physically attractive as the women I am attracted to. But the women who I am not attracted to find me attractive.

Since I don’t feel unattractive or any less attractive than the women I find attractive, this leaves me troubled by a seemingly negative response from attractive women, frustrated by this and angry because I don’t feel this way inside. (If that makes sense!).

Leaving me with a choice of being single (lonely), or having to have a relationship with someone who I am not attracted to. (I could not fake a full relationship).

Am I reading this all wrong, is my perception of how women view attraction right or wrong? I am very mixed up on this and could do with some honest clarity…………

Hello Onlineguy,

I don't think that it's right or wrong... I think it's nothing. As a woman, I will tell you that I have dated men that are very attractive and some that if I were to walk down the street and see them, I wouldn't look twice. I am the type of person that I need personality... Some of the very good looking men that I have dated have been rude and obnoxious, not to mention dumb! Some of the men I wasn't that attracted to were very witty, funny, compassionate, and intellegent. I am only giving you my take on this situation. Other peple might have a much different take on this. Also, to me anyway, some people try to use their looks to their advantage, so they might feel as if they want you to pursue them, not the other way around. They could be afraid of rejection. This doesn't mean that attractive women aren't attracted to you...

Let me ask you, do you try to pursue these "attractive" women?

I think your learning the lesson about the best way to be attractive to females. As a friendly guy not looking for anything.

Your probably more honest, open, and engaging when you don't have the high expectations of winning, or getting something from her. More confident too, since its easier being yourself, and not trying to impress her!

Attraction is going to depend on the woman. I am not, by ANY means, attracted to the artsy, hardcore punk rocker men that my twin sister is attracted to- and we share DNA.

It is a false statement to say that all women you find attractive are not attracted to you... Have you ever met ALL women? Don't narrow yourself down. Instead of feeling like you have the two options of being lonely or faking a relationship, you could always be patient and wait for a woman who you are attracted to, and who is attracted to you to come along. Also, I agree with Talaniman.

I have also found this to be true in my own personal experiences. One of my best guy friends would be a perfect mate, if we found each other attractive. We don't; therefore, we are best of friends.

Why is it that you're attracted to people who aren't attracted to you? Well, that's life. That's they way it goes sometimes. I know that I've been attracted to people that I shouldn't be attracted to... and that turns out horribly bad.

I just think that in your case, you just haven't found that "one" that is right for you. Does that even make sense? I mean, that "one" that is The One will be attracted to you physically and intellectually.

To say that "all" women that are not attracted to you are your type is being stereotypical - and I know that's not what you meant. You just haven't found her yet.

For most women, they prefer more on <a href="http://mysexystories.com/blog/2010/02/19/whats-more-important-looks-or-personality">personality</a> because women are more sensitive than men. You can see that on society. There are many women who go for older guys.

For most women, they prefer more on personality (http://mysexystories.com/blog/2010/02/19/whats-more-important-looks-or-personality) because women are more sensitive than men. You can see that on society. There are many women who go for older guys.

Women take looks as the appetizer to settle the hunger but take personality as the entrée to fulfill the need of sustenance and to get their nutrition...

Too many similar questions. Multiple threads merged.

As a guy I am attracted to beautifull women. But I never seem to get any indications of interest or attraction from these women.

I have to pursue them and therefore risk the rejection.

This is sooo wrong. By persueing them I am showing them that they are of higher emotional value to me then I am to them...

This is not what I want. I want an attractive women to want me as much as I want her on equal terms...

How do become on the emotional higher or equal ground so that she wants me as much as I want her, without the pursuit!!

(Same for getting back the attention / attraction of exes).

I've looked at a few of your other threads,most relate to how to get the attention or gain emotional higher ground as you put it.

The one thing that seems to be lacking is self confidence and lots of self esteem.

A women you don't know or hardly know does not put you on lower ground,you do!

If you go into situation where you think she has the upper hand your already physic'd out.

Why are you putting any emotional weight on a 1st,2nd or even 3d encounter,there's no need,your not attacted,your only getting to know them.

Start your dates off slowly and slowly get to know the women,before you attach any romantic emotion to her.

ive looked at a few of your other threads,most relate to how to get the attention or gain emotional higher ground as you put it.

the one thing that seems to be lacking is self confidence and lots of self esteem.

a women you dont know or hardly know does not put you on lower ground,you do!.

if you go into situation where you think she has the upper hand your already physic'd out.

why are you putting any emotional weight on a 1st,2nd or even 3d encounter,theres no need,your not attacted,your only getting to know them.

start your dates off slowly and slowly get to know the women,before you attach any romantic emotion to her.

I was just looking over his threads too and came to the same conclusions.

I am wondering if you are setting yourself up to fail because of self-esteem issues. You pick the female most likely to ignore you and then get surprised when she does. You ignore as being unworthy the ones who would probably have a great time with you and give you the attention you want.

What exactly do you want? Perhaps you should take a step back and think about the answer to that question.

Don't even think about winning exes back. They are exes for a reason.

I think women may pick up on your attitude towards them. If a woman sees you and thinks she may like you, would you pay attention to her or do you only have certain woman you want paying attention to you? If that is the case, how do you ever get to know a woman and allow her to get to know you?
If you are attracted to a woman, is it just physical? Have you ever just liked a woman because you think she is nice and you'd like to get to know her?

Emotional level has nothing to do with it. If you like someone you like them, it does not mean you are beneath them or they you.
Relax, get to know a woman get over this funky attitude equating attraction with emotional level. You can meet someone get to know them and then later find you are both attracted to each other, but the key is getting to know each other. Stop looking for a woman to just fall head over heels for you at first meeting.

I'm with Cat1864. What is it that you want from a women?

How do become on the emotional higher or equal ground so that she wants me as much as I want her, without the persuit !!!.

(Same for getting back the attention / attraction of exes).

Pursue them? Sounds like you are chasing them. Exes are exes for a reason.

Stop acting so desperate when you are around them. No woman enjoys having a guy suffocate her with attention.

Listen to all these ladies who posted above me. (I agree with all of you but evidently I gots to spread the love).

If you pursue women just because they are attractive, it's about your ego not about them.

They know this. They won't ever want you.

In relationships it isn't a control issue,as I think you are expressing.

Who makes the 'move' and who play's coy? this is the game played in juvenile relationships(and yes,sometimes in seemingly adult ones also)the attraction has to be there for anything to happen, stop trying so hard to 'get that girl'.

If there is to be any chemistry it isn't going to be there because you WANT it to be,it has to flow from within(deep 60's and 70's stuff here:p ),You can make all the overtures you want,but if there is to be a connection(one that will last beyond the first night together),there has to be chemistry between the two of you.

Who doesn't like attractive people?(and WHO is to say WHO is attractive and who isn't, it's very subjective.)

There are too many similar threads, so all the common threads have been merged together.

Harshness warning

As the others have pointed out, the bottom line is that you lack confidence and self-esteem in yourself.

Before you blame girls or others for not accepting you, looking in the mirror first.

An attractive quality to have is confidence, but not cockiness. Some people mix up confidence with being jerky too. You can start with reading some self-help books: The Guide to Self-Help Books – Recommended Self-Help Books - Self-Help Book Reviews (http://www.books4selfhelp.com/)

When you look in the mirror and you feel happy with yourself, then you'll be in a better position to find happiness elsewhere.

Too many similar questions. Multiple threads merged.

As a guy I am attracted to beautiful women. But I never seem to get any indications of interest or attraction from these women.
All women are beautiful, every last one of them. For different reasons and in different ways. Its up to you to figure it out
I have to pursue them and therefore risk the rejection.
And your point would be what...........??/ No risk, no reward.
This is sooo wrong. By pursuing them I am showing them that they are of higher emotional value to me then I am to them.....
Who told you that? Sounds like BS to me!
This is not what I want. I want an attractive women to want me as much as I want her on equal terms.......
Define attractive? Maybe your the one who is NOT attractive. Ever see it that way? You may look good, but are no good, and frankly, its the same with females. The outside may not match the inside. Thats the risk you take.
How do become on the emotional higher or equal ground so that she wants me as much as I want her, without the pursuit !!!.
Where are you getting the BS from? If they don't like you for who you are, whats the point? Back in the day we could whack 'em over the head with our clubs and drag them home, but the females got together and outlawed clubs.
(Same for getting back the attention / attraction of exes).

For one thing if you expect a female to fall all over you with just a casual hello, forget it.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy!!! Stop looking for love, guy, or attention, or someone to be attracted to you, and learn to love yourself, and be just yourself, and I guarantee that some one will want to share your fun happy times with you.

Now go tell the guy who has been feeding you that cave man BS, to get lost.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

I read your posts and my first thought is that you're either a teenager or you're stuck in that "game playing" mentality.


By pursuing them I am showing them that they are of higher emotional value to me then I am to them...

This one quote says it all.

Why can't you just be you and let them be them? What's with all this game playing?

I am an attractive woman, and I wouldn't date you... EVEN if you pursued me.

(Well, besides the fact that I'm not married--let's play "what if")

I've never even SEEN you, and you come off as someone who doesn't want to be as invested (or MORE invested) in ANY relationship (including friends and family) than the other person is invested in you. By your measurements only, of course.

You're also unwilling to take a risk to get to know me or ask me (as an attractive woman, not me personally) out. If you can't take THAT risk, then how could you take the risk of buying a house, or having a family, or going on vacation to someplace exotic? I mean, you're too afraid to have a woman say "no"! If you can't handle THAT--how do you handle a job interview? What about handling a kid going in for surgery? How about killing bugs in the basement?

So get yourself some confidence and willingness to take risks, first off.

Second, lose the attitude. You say you only want to date attractive women. Well, attractive women only want to date men that bring them something that complements them. For that matter, ALL women want that. So--whether it's intelligence, same interests, a sense of humor, a great way of listening, all of the above or something else entirely--you'd better figure out what you have that they might want. And please don't insult them by thinking it's only looks or money.

That being said--do you take care of yourself? Are you in shape? Do you have a job? A place of your own?

I personally think your problem is that you pursue women you find attractive PHYSICALLY.

Try dating someone that isn't in your normal range of "attractive". Ask out the plump girl you see in the cafeteria instead of focusing on the supermodel who is "attractive".

Oh--and get counseling. You really need to understand that your attitude toward dating is archaic and disturbing.

Maximizing your appearance so that it’s the best it possibly can be. Having the right body, clothes, hygiene, humor, attitude etc gains you an audience / interview with a good looking girl / guy!

But: No matter how well you dress etc you may just not be good looking!

A good looking girl or boy is generally not inclined to initiate or be open to someone they do not know and do not find attractive when looking for a mate.

If they are open to communication without attraction they see the person as likable and like them as a friend and not a mate.

So how does an unattractive person - even with the right clothes, hygiene, humor etc attract the emotional / physical / sexual attraction of a good looking girl / boy?

Its all down to how the people see each other, you often see so say not so attractive girls with really handsome young men, and vice versa, so there's no guarantee of anyone attracting any particular look, its more a case of personality I believe, and no one can foretell who will be attracted to who.

Good Looking or attractive can play a role but its not often you will see 2 exceptionally good looking/attractive people together.

Attracting the opposite sex I don't feel can be predicted, it all boils down to whether 2 people have the spark or attraction factor.

Women are often inclined to find confident self-assured well dressed, men, and yes good dress sense well groomed, and clean, pride in appearance, does definitely work for some women but not all. Good manners and etiquette can also play a role, but as with everything, its all down to whether the spark is there.

Hope this helps

Maximizing your appearance so that it’s the best it possibly can be. Having the right body, clothes, hygiene, humor, attitude etc gains you an audience / interview with a good looking girl / guy!

But: No matter how well you dress etc you may just not be good looking!

A good looking girl or boy is generally not inclined to initiate or be open to someone they do not know and do not find attractive when looking for a mate.

If they are open to communication without attraction they see the person as likable and like them as a friend and not a mate.

So how does an unattractive person - even with the right clothes, hygiene, humor etc attract the emotional / physical / sexual attraction of a good looking girl / boy?
Our perception of self is how 'attractive' we are to others.Insecurities,little quirks while talking,mannerisms,body styles,hair and eye color,teeth,smile,there are so many different things, you can't possibly make a Ken doll out of Jaba the Hut.. but you CAN make an acceptable Han Solo from almost any mold.(in personality)

Attraction is considered by some to come from pheromones,I can attest to this to a degree.I have been out with some interesting women in the past who others in my peer group would have run from just as to see them(they see what they want to see)I have been out with others who most anyone would feel lucky to be with(again,seen as others want to see them)

What made one different than the other?MY PERSPECTIVE.

There is more than just one 'type' for you in this world, there are way too many 'types' to single out just one.You can't dress to impress when one might be looking for the biker type.Can't dress down for the grease monkey/garage type when someone is looking for the bread maker.(or bread WINNER)

There is one on here I hope see's this thread and put's his input in(I'm sure he will,, um kp!! )

Wonderful post.

Looks mean almost nothing in finding the right job, dressing properly for it, The main thing is attitude and the way you present yourself, ( body lanuage4 is a big key)

I am and have been fat, with a bad eye and a limp almost my entire life. It has not slowed me down from major jobs ever.

It is only if you think you are not good looking. I see a handsome person when "I" look in the mirror, because I am happy with myself.

That is the key, be happy with who you are.

Looks don't mean anything. It's all about attitude.

Look at Danny De Vito, Donald Trump, Billy Joel.

Act like a loser and you'll be a loser.

Confidence is a really attractive trait. Arrogance isn't.

I've met men that on the outside are gorgeous, but, if they're not intelligent, confident (not arrogant), easygoing, funny, kind, then I lose interest.

The most attractive quality, in my opinion, is confidence in who you are. You don't have to be gorgeous to be attractive. Beauty really is just skin deep.

Why can't you just be yourself, and be a good human, and attract other good humans? Why is it you seem to only what is considered a beautiful looking person? That's a matter of opinion, as God didn't make ugly humans, humans make themselves ugly.

I think your question should be how you can be confident within your own skin, and have dignity, and respect for yourself, as you are.

Trying to be something that you aren't is as ugly as it gets, without being down right evil.

You have self esteem problems to address, did you know that? You don't need a fancy suit, just a better attitude.

When a guy likes a girl he shows indications of interest!

It is reasonable to assume that if she finds him physically attractive then she will either initiate with indications of interest or positively respond to his.

However women will act like they are not interested or act closed off... This gives a guy a clear **** off, not interested in you impression.

Only to find that in actual fact she did like him?


Why do women do this?

I would venture to say that if a woman gives you the "not interested signal", she is not interested.
If a woman does otherwise, she is playing childish games. Not all woman do this.
Are you asking a question about a specific woman?
Or is this a different take on one of the many questions you have already asked?

I kind of see where you are coming from. Ordinarily, in my experience, girls are more skeptical of guys because we have the stigma of being... "guys." Thus everything negative that is normally associated with our being guys is generalized to the entire population.

So most often what I do, if they show no interest in me, is reciprocate the feeling. I feel it a waste of my time to try to get a girl who doesn't act remotely interested in me.

I think it might be some ingrained relics of bygone times when girls always played hard to get and never made advances at Males.
JMO

Girl I tried to get off with did not like me in that way. Now adds me on social network... Friend’s zone!. Nooooooo

How to avoid being placed in the friend zone without seeming petty...
It’s letting them know you’re interested and like them but you’re not going to be a friend! Although you would be open to being the best of friends.
Fecking annoys me, that women do this!!

Any suggestions thoughts on this ?

It's inevitable whether a girl puts you in her friends zone.

What you can do is ask her out on a few dates. If she's interested enough to give you a shot, she will go. If she doesn't, then nor matter what you try, it won't change her mind, so why force the issue?

She can be a friend, but find someone else who may be interested in you.

Maybe I'm confused about the question.

You are always going to find attractive women around you who might not see you in that light. Its just the truth.

So... is she wrong for not cutting complete contact? For thinking you might be mature enough to be able to accept that you will be attracted to some girls who just don't see you that way?

If you don't have the balls to do no contact, don't blame her for keeping you at arms length, but still around.

If its too annoying... fine. Walk. Own it.

You like her more than she likes you. Happens all the time.

Yes, its maddening and frustrating. Been there. More than once.

But really... at this point, she doesn't control how close you are or are not... you do.

Yeah... she does control who is in her bed. But that's a given.

You can choose to hang around or to just turn your head cause she is too tempting.

Every ex before my last... I just had to walk. Just easier to cut those ties hard now and rebuild later if it seems right. Have a fantastic relationship with one ex now... but I had to get the hell out of her face and not think about her and NOT be her girlfriend.

Now... the last ex... not that simple. We have a kid together, so, like it or not, I see her more than id like.

Still... I have control over the contact with her. I spend time with him. Not her. I'm cordial. Friendly enough. But I'm not vested in making her day great or helping her through most mundane irritations. Leave that to the friends who don't have a stronger drive for something she doesn't want.

So... I get where you are. I'm just not going to give you a pass for blaming women for this.

Its simple. You like her more. You are more vested. Its your place to step back... cause she can't make you step back mentally. Only you can.

Friends zone is cool, just don't linger hoping for more that's all. Some of my best times were with a friend, of a friend. Having read, and responded to your break up post, and your dating questions, I know you try to hard, and expect too much, too soon, and take rejection personally.

Stop trying to date, and make friends, and have fun, and let the romance take care of itself. The best place to meet females is through friends, and activities that you enjoy. And shed the shallow "hunting for a fine fox attitude" and just be yourself, and impress them with what you got naturally, and talk to them, NOT player rap with lines, they hear all the time.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Lots of females who are down to earth and fun, don't always have the super model outsides. You have to look closer, and deeper. Its about enjoy, and not about romance, or POSSESSION.

Friends are sometimes better to have.

OP last I heard guys also do the same often its not all effing girls. Or Fecking girls .

Be honest and tell her you don't want on Facebook. Tell her the truth. Ask her to take you off her friends list.

All threads about this have been merged




What is the best way to gain attention / attraction of a beautiful woman.

What is the best way to gain attention / attraction of a beautiful woman.Hello guy:

Make 'em laugh.

excon

Have millions of dollars, or be a pro sports player

Paradoxically, not trying to attract them can often be very powerful, trust me.

Very attractive women get a lot of male attention. By not trying to impress her, you find come across as impressive. I hope that helps.

Oh, and not being smelly and having nice teeth. And women like shoes, get over it. ;)

I would say, dress well, have confidence, but not cockiness, have a decent job, have a clean cut and stay clean.

However, keep in mind that every woman has different tastes. So if you appeal to one woman, it doesn't mean you will appeal to another.

Regret is a nightmare... Choices you make roads you take... Realising you took the wrong road, or that the other did not care for you as much as they claimed to, is very, very hard to live with. I am there now.

Hi onlineguy, we all have to deal with this particular issue in life, we can't escape it, that's how we learn how to make the right choices in life. Too bad we have to wait till we are older to learn it though.

Been there done that.

Tick

You HAVE to look at it from the correct angle.

One can not change the past... they can only influence the future.

Thus dwelling on "what was" or "what might have been", is a waste of time because what's done is done... you should instead look at "what can be", and "how can I take this and make more of it."

I know the question you are asking. I have asked it myself many times. There is no answer. I can only offer suggestions. It is difficult to have your heart destroyed by your own actions or another person's. If it is your own actions, do not run from your mistake. Accept it. Remember it. If you don't, then you will repeat it when the next situation comes. If it is someone else who has harmed your emotions, stop thinking of what you could have done to prevent it. You couldn't. As a reverend, most people expect me to quote "Divine Planning" or "God's Will", but it's bullsh*t. Yes, I said it. The simple thing is that your choices, and the choices of others, are what got you where you are, and it can not be undone. Your future is not preset, your choices make it what it will be. That in mind, the past being unchangeable, the present being what's important and the future having endless possibilities, you should accept what's happened and never forget it. If someone hurt you, be happy they hurt you now, rather than later, when it could have hurt more. If you accept the fact that things can and probably will always be worse, you will learn to move on with your past through the present to enjoy the misery of the future. You can quit life, but if you do, you'll miss out on all the enjoyable misery that paves the road to happiness.

Regret, is a nightmare, because it's usually followed by guilt, remorse, and all the 'what if's', had different decisions been made at the time.

I'm not sure what you are saying in your post onlineguy. Do you regret being involved with this person, because they were not who they said they were, or turned out to be a person you didn't know?

I think you need a lot more time to heal from the disappointment of your break up, and to learn how to cope with your own feelings of loss, and rejection, so you can move beyond it and be more positive as you do. The last thing you need is to have regret turn to self pity, and you do nothing good for yourself, with family friends or activities, to support you, and show you that life moves ahead, and so should you. Right now you are dwelling too much over what was, instead of looking forward to the next adventure.

Right now you are dwelling to much over what was, instead of looking forward to the next adventure.

Oh, yes that next adventure was always the best one ! And then, the next one was better and so on and so on... until you find the ultimate and then it is absolutely wonderful.. have kids though, that is the absolute.. :)

It always seems that unattractive women will initiate a connection with me, but attractive women are closed off from my connection interest in them... I can't figure this out, Am I not that attractive or has looks got nothing to do with it and it's the approach that's wrong ?

Surly women should also initiate if they find a guy attractive or at least give off some signs !

It always seems that unattractive women will initiate a connection with me, but attractive women are closed offHello o:

Then go with what you've got. From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

excon

Looks should have nothing to do with it, what should matter is how you like them

Stop looking for attractive women who fancy you and will make the first move. What's up with that kind of thinking?

Look for people and things that are fun. You will be much happier, and much more attractive.

Looks got nothing to do with it at all.

If you don't have the good looks to catch their eye, where the feck do you proceed from there ?

By having a great personality and a good sense of humour.

By respecting others and yourself.

Don't be so shallow! If your out looking for one type of woman (the hot ones) then you won't get anywhere, nobody likes shallow and your clearly not getting anywhere with the "hot ones"... so maybe you should "lower your standards" like you said in your last thread! Jeeze guy, no body is going to want someone that seems to think he deserving of only the pretty ones! Everyone's attractive in their own right!

Perhaps if your attitude was a little better towards females in general you may be able to attract them.
If you are not good looking yourself and you look down on women yo deem not "hot" why would you think any woman would want you?
What is a "hot woman in your opinion?

Staple a hundred dollar bill to your forehead, and one on each ear, and drive a really expensive hot car, and a 12,000 dollar suit.

You will attract them like hot cakes.

How about not being so shallow.

Beauty fades.

If you dont have the good looks to catch their eye?

Why would any of them then want to go out with YOU?

It's like the joke:

Man#1 -- I finally found the perfect woman.

Man #2 -- Marry her!

Man #1 -- I asked her, but she was looking for the perfect man.

Attractive people have more opportunities than less attractive people.

Are you unattractive? This seems to be all you post about.
There are plenty of successful people who are to some people unattractive.
Opportunities are relative. There are people out there who find opportunity a plenty and in the most obscure circumstances and some who would not recognize one if it were under their nose.

You speak of being single and unattractive and then you switch gears to having opportunities. Opportunities with work or with choosing a date?

What's good about you? What do you like about yourself?

More like, confident people have more opportunities than less confident people.

This isn't a question. Opportunities are created by hard work and persistence, not appearance. And attraction varies from person to person.

Maybe you don't have a clue as to the correct way to go about things. Having read your other posts there is no maybe, it's a fact you are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off base, with your assumptions, and presumptions, and you lack the skills to interpret facts to have better outcomes. Stop ignoring good advice, and make some changes to help you learn the right way of going about things.

I read somewhere that it is possible to win over any woman with gentle persistence and perseverance!

So if this is true then it should be possible to win over any woman you have ever met if you touch the right button!

Or is it a case of only if she physically fancies you.

The way to do it is to keep getting to know her better by talking to her more. Maybe at some point she will realize that there's more to you than she initially thought, then she might give you more consideration.

However, if she feels that she already knows you well enough to decide that you're better off being friends, then patience and perseverance won't really make a difference.

Nope, your info is incorrect. You can't win over any woman with persistence and perseverance. Just like all human beings, women aren't attracted to everyone they meet and don't want to date every guy they meet, no matter how much he persists.

I know plenty of men that I wouldn't date even if they offered to buy me the world. There's no button they could push that would change my mind, and if they kept trying to push they'd likely find themselves walking funny from a swift kick in the arse.

Women are funny. Treat them like the intelligent human beings that they are, and you'll find that they'll treat you the same way. Just like men, if we're not interested, we're not interested.

Yes, it is. I say this as I am a women who was won over by pesistance! But I do have to add that that woman does have to be in the right frame of mind, and that if you asking any woman maybe mayne not! Or a women that has previously rejected yes with space if you know her well!

yes, it is. i say this as i am a women who was won over by pesistance!! But I do have to add that that woman does have to be in the right frame of mind, and that if you asking any woman maybe mayne not!! Or a women that has previously rejected yes with space if you know her well!!

So you're saying that any man can win you over if he's persistent and you're in the right mood? Any man?

The fact is, the OP is asking if all women can be won over with persistence, and as I'm a woman that cannot be won over by any man just because he's persistent, that would mean that not all women can be.

You are also one woman, and you have said that you could be won over. So the logical conclusion is that some women can, and some women can't, but not all.

Women who are "won over" by wining and dining (and gifts) are called prostitutes.

No, "gentle persistence" isn't the only thing a man needs to exhibit. (Too often the "gentle" part turns into his being a stalker.)

The physical attraction is only one part of it.

His honest and sense of humor and intelligence and ability to sing doo wop are other parts.

You need to read better books, because the one you read this in will make you feel like a complete fool if you try this on a few woman, or in jail.

You do better using the caveman technique, hit 'em over the head and drag 'em to your cave.

Or the pet technique, catch 'em in a net, and chain 'em to the porch.

Or kiss every frog in the pond until one turns into a princess.

Anything is better than being a stalker, or a pest!

Or do what we real men do, talk to them all, and find one that likes you, as much as you like her.

It seems good looking women do not show an interest, but rather wait for multiple guys to show them the interest and pick the best one.

That's hardly showing that a guy has value to her ! It should be mutual interest shown.

Hmmm... do you have a question?

That's quite a general and broad statement you wrote there. While I sure some women( an guys) act that way I can't say in my experience that all women( or guys ) act this way. It does make perfect sense though, when you re openly dating to date a number of people... after all, it is a good way to find out who will work for us. Plus, many girls like to be pursued, courted ( call it old fashioned, call them shy, whatever)and expect the guy to make the initial moves.

I am attracted to beautiful women, but just as in the movie, I get rejection unless I lower my standards.

Without sounding vain, I can't do that. I can't fall in love with someone I am not physically attracted to... But since women go for looks as much as men, then how can I expect them to fall in love with me.

Getting older now, leaving it to late for a family... but can't see a way out of this vicious circle!!

I like your honesty! I wouldn't normally advise online dating, but since you're a grown man I'm sure you know the dangers of using online dating, have you ever tried it? But without actually seeing the persons picture? Just find a profile without a photo and read about them, if you like what you read, try getting to know them only through emails first, then after sometime, maybe ask to meet or see a photo. They might not be picture perfect but you will have gotten to know them from personality first. It might help.