I have a confidence problem that many others might also have. I have trouble approaching an attractive girl. What do I do?

What if the girl isn't attractive?

Just be yourself, go up, say hi, be a friend first then go from there.

Its all about the confidence. Also like Altenweg said be yourself. Why would you want to put on a false personality in order for her to get to know you? If a person does not like you for who you are then they are not for you. Also, don't try too hard. Sometimes you need to play hard to get too. You just need to be able to read the persons cues well and adjust accordingly without changing who you are.

But I can't approach her. I get very anxious. I say I'm going to do it, but I hesitate.

Being myself and talking and getting to know girls isn't my problem. I'm a good conversationalist I think.
Unless there's a context to talk to a girl, I'm largely lost.
By context I mean -- we're sitting in class, and I say "how do you find this class". There, conversation started.

Well, I think you need to work on your confidence first. The best way to do this is just socialize and meet new people. Talk to some of your girl (space) friends and ask them what they like in a man.

I know from my experience that confidence (not cockyness), humor, and dressing well help attract girls.

I would just go for it. What do you have to loose?

But I am socializing and meeting new people. So far, none of this has helped me approach a girl I don't know.

Do you know anything about her? Like, what music she likes, is she in band or sport? Do you have any friends in common? You could use any of this info. To strike up a conversation.

It depends on the situation, but basically, just go for it. It`s like taking a jump out of an airplane, but maybe not as stressing, you just go for it, you stumble, you say something stupid and she won`t be interested in you. Then you do that again and again until it becomes natural.

I know nothing about her. I could ask about her to friends, but even then -- I'm not allowed to talk about what they told me, because then it doesn't look good.
We don't have friends in common as far as I know.

I agree with you paxe; but I need to do this once before I do it a few times

Star slow and with a smile. Ask for the time for one girl, then ask for direction for another, then ask a random question... don't force yourself too much, it should come naturally and with experience. A smile will bring you a long way.

I have the same type of complex. But there are ways to get around it ;) This is what id do to get closer to her and probably score a girlfriend XD

1. Start talking to her friends
2. Then meet her and say "My names ____, nice to meet you (smile)." shake her hand that helps
3. Get into a controversial argument conversation with her about something that will give you an idea of how she thinks like abortion *a good sign for a good woman is that she wouldn't kill her own child*
4. Start talking about your outlook on people (hopefully you care about a lot of people)
5. Then get into more details about you, yourself. I tell of my morals (say love until you truly mean it, don't be a punk like the rest of the idiotic generation we're in, etc.). Good Morals are attractive.
6. Get her myspace/facebook/friendster. This will help A lot. Don't get her phone number just yet!
7. after about a week of myspace talking (about 3 hours a day probably) then ask her if she wants to hang out with you on the weekend and it will be your treat to pay for like the movie theaters or something (a date basically). Ask now for her phone number.
8. Ask her out at the end of a good day if it worked out.

How old are you, and are you in school? I suspect you are. When you see her around and get her eye, smile and say HI! A few acknowledgements will get you feeling better, and you can introduce yourself, and find out her name.

Charles, all due respect, from steps 3 onwards, your advice should only apply after you get to know someone. In general of course. Step 1 would be great, if I knew how to approach a girl to begin with. :D
I agree with 6 though. I think our generation likes myspace/facebook/email, so maybe phone number isn't the best idea -- but I have no problems asking for it (this is another story for another thread).

Talaniman, I have been working on things like stance, eye contact and posture. It has helped me a lot. To clarify -- you're saying I should just randomly say "HI!" to her and keep walking? By the way, I am in school, and I see a lot of the same people daily.

When you speak in passing you can gauge her reaction, as you build your own confidence up. After a few Hi's, you will be ready to introduce yourself if she is returning your greeting.

I believe in being yourself, and talking to see if she is comfortable, as are you, just talking, and becoming familiar with each other.

I think you might be onto something, expert :D. I'm not going to question your advice but maybe it's time to discard some of my own beliefs about this kind of thing. These beliefs seem to be holding me back and might be the source of my anxiety.

Why wouldn't she be creeped out by some random guy saying hello to her?
I'm not afraid of rejection itself, but I think I'd rather wait for a "better opportunity". These better opportunities are a figment of my imagination. I'd rather meet girls through friends, but yet I don't want to depend on friends to meet girls.
If I am unclear at any time, please let me know. I am a little confused.

Dude, rejection is always a risk, but if you never take a risk, for sure you go nowhere. It like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play.

If anybody knows anything about meeting girls, its me. I'm not saying I do it often but this is all you have to do and cheesy lines almost NEVER work.
You go up to the girl nice and smoothly at a 45 degree angle and once you are about 2 feet away you say the most powerful conversation starter with a cool smile... What is your name? Then you tell her that you have seen her around and just thought you would introduce yourself to her. Then tell her your name and ask her what she is up to and if she wants to go grab a bite... take it from there... it can be a bit scary but you'll be glad you did it... Ive been nervous many times and rejected a lot but I laugh afterwards and it makes me happy that I dared and it makes me like myself more for it... lol

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/been-turned-down-few-times-why-do-still-think-we-can-friends-409075.html

Seems you have a lot of posts about getting females.

Hello Way,


No, you are not the only one who feels this way... Both guys and girls go through this. Just remember when you go up to her at that "45 degree angle" haha that you remain calm. Just be yourself. Think of something funny to say.

People like people who are real. So be yourself and what ever is meant to be will be. Good luck my friend.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/been-turned-down-few-times-why-do-still-think-we-can-friends-409075.html

Seems you have a lot of posts about getting females.

As I pointed out in the thread (just now); I want to be just friends with that girl. She obviously isn't interested in more -- but I didn't think she would be. Basically being more was never really an option. Be that as it may, I still have trouble approaching girls I don't know.

It's all about experience, the more you try, the better you become at it.

Emopunk, your approach is interesting. I'll bust out my protractor when I get near to her. That should get her attention for sure :D

I agree so far with the eye contact, smiling, etc... these are things I've been working on lately. I'm still of the belief that you can't just approach a girl like that. Out of the blue. It creeps them out no?

It depends HOW you approach them. Girs like the attention and getting approached so don't worry about it.

3. Get into a controversial argument conversation with her about something that will give you an idea of how she thinks like abortion *a good sign for a good woman is that she wouldn't kill her own child*

If a stranger came up to me and wanted to argue about abortion, I'd assume he was a nut and stay as far away as possible after that.


4. Start talking about your outlook on people (hopefully you care about a lot of people)

Why would anyone not like people? If a stranger came up and told me that they like people, I would just assume they were trying to make themselves look good.


5. Then get into more details about you, yourself. I tell of my morals (say love until you truly mean it, don't be a punk like the rest of the idiotic generation we're in, etc.).

I thought you liked people? But it sounds like you think you are better than others.


Good Morals are attractive.

Yes. But being manipulative and insincere is not.


6. Get her myspace/facebook/friendster. This will help A lot. Don't get her phone number just yet!

Why don't guys offer THEIR phone number? I recently had a guy ask me for my phone number. I didn't give it to him, but I would have accepted his.


7. after about a week of myspace talking (about 3 hours a day probably) then ask her if she wants to hang out with you on the weekend and it will be your treat to pay for like the movie theaters or something (a date basically). Ask now for her phone number.

Three hours a day?

My best advice to the OP is not to approach strange girls just because they are pretty but to get to know more girls he can talk to in the usual way. Pretty girls get approached constantly by people with whom they have nothing in common. They get really good at NOT being drawn into conversations with these people.

OK let's go into more detail about HOW to approach them.
So I walk into the same public place every day. Pretend it's a coffeehouse, or a food court.
I see the same people every day.
I'm at the entrance now. I want to talk to a girl I've never spoken to. This time, she's alone. Guide my actions!

The problem I see with your question is someone else's style may not work for you. So find your own like we all did, trial and error, success or failure. It all starts with "HI, how ya doing today", the rest is you paying attention and going with the flow, because who can know her reactions?

You've seen her every day for three weeks, so you know she is taking a class in economics. You have smiled several times, briefly without following up so she knows you are not desperate or dangerous. She's noticed you.

She is reading the economics text again and you are sitting at the next table. You DON'T say something like, "That must be a really hard subject." Which might sound like she's not smart enough to do well in a challenging class. A lot of guys are convinced that insulting girls is a really good strategy for getting close to them. I'm not convinced.

So maybe you'd say, "Oh, I see you are reading about free markets." And then follow up with something relevant that will result in a conversation." A lot of things people say are hard to engage with. So if someone quips, "I wish these lattes were free." that's funny and all, but then what? Find out if she is an econ major, if she is interested in the course or is bored out of her mind. If she's serious about the topic, ask her about something she might have an opinion on (this is like Charles' idea about abortion, but obviously that's not a topic for first conversation!). And of course, don't pepper her with questions, as that feels invasive. If you know nothing about free markets, don't pretend you do.

Maybe she seems more artsy. Or maybe you are. Say something about the art on the walls and ask if what she thinks of a particular piece that you either don't like or do like. Obviously you want to try to draw her out, but you also want to show her who you are. Don't overreact if you both either agree or disagree about something. It's disconcerting when a guy acts like you are twins separated at birth because you both ordered mochas. :)

Look for something in common, but keep it light. You don't want her to stop going to the coffee shop to avoid another awkward conversation. If the conversation goes well, don't talk longer than 10 minutes or so. Say you have to leave even if you really don't. Not for the sake of being unavailable but to give her some space, so she doesn't feel like another interaction with you is going to be a long one. But at the end, say you hope to see her around. Once you are talking, I gather, you know what to do.

If you see her again and she smiles at you, talk some more. Be patient.
Good luck!

Good point Talaniman but I didn't phrase my question properly. Maybe I should just explain what goes through my head and maybe you can attack some of my issues that way. Thank you Asking!

So I'm at the entrance and I see a girl. I'm perfectly calm. I've been consciously working on things like posture, eye contact, calm speech for awhile, to the point where it's second nature to me now (took about a month and a half for me to be satisfied).

As I approach the tables, I see that I have an opportunity to talk with the girl. I look for eye contact. She returns it -- but only briefly. I sit down, and we exchange eye contact a few times, for longer than the initial eye contact. (The above has happened SO many times)
I want to prevent this from happening again.
Here is where I smile and say hey?

The rest is where I apply my own style (which as I've said, I've already developed sort of). I just feel like pointing it out, but I plan to use my powers (ie: ability to meet girls/people I don't know) for good (being a good guy) and not evil (ie: becoming a player, using/abusing girls etc).

Hum, all situations differ. You can never predict when you will have an opening to talk to a girl. It has to go with the flow basically.

I suggest that you try NOT to think too much about it or it will show. You really need to relax as much as possible and it will go with the flow.

Paxe, are you saying I should be passive about this, and not consciously try to improve this dimension of my life?
But then I will stay in my comfort zone and won't get anywhere! :D

All kidding aside, my demeanour is generally very relaxed, so I'm not worried about it visibly showing. I'm confident about this.

Just do it, until you get it right to your own satisfaction. Then you learn from your mistakes, and make adjustments.

Hahaha, sorry about that. Not at all. What I meant is that you need to change your comfort zone. Instead of your comfort zone not talking to beautiful girls, my comfort zone is actually talking to girls without thinking about it. I mean yes I think about it, but I don't get myself bothered by it.

This is why I have that much confidence in me. I know I can get a lot of girls ( I actually do ), but now I'm taking care of being single and enjoying life.

This is why it comes with experience, but when you approach a girl just bull about anything and everything will be all right. It's really not that hard.