SlightlyBroken
Oct 22, 2009, 11:08 AM
Last week I once again caught my father drinking. Before I was born he had a drinking problem and when I was little (before I remember) he quit drinking, then when I was 15 one day he was 3 hours late picking me up from school. When he came and got me he seemed really out of it, I thought he was sick cause a lot of times when I get sick I get kind of out of it. On the way home he was swerving all over the road and I got scared and asked him to pull over and let me drive because I had my permit with me and so it would have been fine for me to drive. When we got home I called my mom because he was basically acting like a three year old, I was really worried something was wrong with him. Obviously he was drunk, but at the time I didn't know that... I had never seen him drunk before. I know this sounds over dramatic but I don't think I can explain the pain I still feel that he drove me home like that absolutely hammered, that he was willing to risk my life rather than admit he wasn't in any condition to drive and let me drive. I am 18 now so this has been going on for 3 years, he keeps saying he is going to quit but then it happens again, he won't go to AA.
Depression runs in our family, I used to cut myself and at times have been extremely suicidal but I made the effort and went to therapy and tried really hard and I am in a really healthy place right now. The thing is for a while I wasn't going to therapy for myself I didn't care about myself anymore, I went because I saw how much my depression was hurting the people I love) I am frustrated though because I know what its like to have an addictive self destructive habit (cutting) but I knew that it didn't just hurt me but it hurt everyone around me and I overcame that. Then Dad claims I don't understand and I don't know what its like trying to overcome something like that. He told me once he didn't regret drinking he just regretted getting caught. It hurts so much seeing Dad do this and its frustrating because I feel like I put absolutely everything I had into changing and he won't even try. My therapist says it's not good for me to be around him when he is drinking because it makes me depressed. I don't understand why we aren't enough for him to want to quit? It's like he doesn't even want to try.
I feel like I won't be able to be around my Dad any more if he continues to drink. And I know that both my sisters are very angry at him and one of them barely talks to him at all anymore. I want to be supportive and help him but he won't go to meetings, and he won't go to therapy. There have been times I've been so upset I've had to leave the house and drive and stay with one of my sisters who live hours away from me just to get out of the house. I've told him he's risking losing me and that I'm not going to be around him when he's drinking but it hasn't made any difference.
For the record my parents have never hit me or done anything inappropriate towards me. He is one of the most important people in my life. My parents are two of the most wonderful people on the face of the planet and I love them both a lot. We are very close.
Depression runs in our family, I used to cut myself and at times have been extremely suicidal but I made the effort and went to therapy and tried really hard and I am in a really healthy place right now. The thing is for a while I wasn't going to therapy for myself I didn't care about myself anymore, I went because I saw how much my depression was hurting the people I love) I am frustrated though because I know what its like to have an addictive self destructive habit (cutting) but I knew that it didn't just hurt me but it hurt everyone around me and I overcame that. Then Dad claims I don't understand and I don't know what its like trying to overcome something like that. He told me once he didn't regret drinking he just regretted getting caught. It hurts so much seeing Dad do this and its frustrating because I feel like I put absolutely everything I had into changing and he won't even try. My therapist says it's not good for me to be around him when he is drinking because it makes me depressed. I don't understand why we aren't enough for him to want to quit? It's like he doesn't even want to try.
I feel like I won't be able to be around my Dad any more if he continues to drink. And I know that both my sisters are very angry at him and one of them barely talks to him at all anymore. I want to be supportive and help him but he won't go to meetings, and he won't go to therapy. There have been times I've been so upset I've had to leave the house and drive and stay with one of my sisters who live hours away from me just to get out of the house. I've told him he's risking losing me and that I'm not going to be around him when he's drinking but it hasn't made any difference.
For the record my parents have never hit me or done anything inappropriate towards me. He is one of the most important people in my life. My parents are two of the most wonderful people on the face of the planet and I love them both a lot. We are very close.