Last week I once again caught my father drinking. Before I was born he had a drinking problem and when I was little (before I remember) he quit drinking, then when I was 15 one day he was 3 hours late picking me up from school. When he came and got me he seemed really out of it, I thought he was sick cause a lot of times when I get sick I get kind of out of it. On the way home he was swerving all over the road and I got scared and asked him to pull over and let me drive because I had my permit with me and so it would have been fine for me to drive. When we got home I called my mom because he was basically acting like a three year old, I was really worried something was wrong with him. Obviously he was drunk, but at the time I didn't know that... I had never seen him drunk before. I know this sounds over dramatic but I don't think I can explain the pain I still feel that he drove me home like that absolutely hammered, that he was willing to risk my life rather than admit he wasn't in any condition to drive and let me drive. I am 18 now so this has been going on for 3 years, he keeps saying he is going to quit but then it happens again, he won't go to AA.

Depression runs in our family, I used to cut myself and at times have been extremely suicidal but I made the effort and went to therapy and tried really hard and I am in a really healthy place right now. The thing is for a while I wasn't going to therapy for myself I didn't care about myself anymore, I went because I saw how much my depression was hurting the people I love) I am frustrated though because I know what its like to have an addictive self destructive habit (cutting) but I knew that it didn't just hurt me but it hurt everyone around me and I overcame that. Then Dad claims I don't understand and I don't know what its like trying to overcome something like that. He told me once he didn't regret drinking he just regretted getting caught. It hurts so much seeing Dad do this and its frustrating because I feel like I put absolutely everything I had into changing and he won't even try. My therapist says it's not good for me to be around him when he is drinking because it makes me depressed. I don't understand why we aren't enough for him to want to quit? It's like he doesn't even want to try.

I feel like I won't be able to be around my Dad any more if he continues to drink. And I know that both my sisters are very angry at him and one of them barely talks to him at all anymore. I want to be supportive and help him but he won't go to meetings, and he won't go to therapy. There have been times I've been so upset I've had to leave the house and drive and stay with one of my sisters who live hours away from me just to get out of the house. I've told him he's risking losing me and that I'm not going to be around him when he's drinking but it hasn't made any difference.

For the record my parents have never hit me or done anything inappropriate towards me. He is one of the most important people in my life. My parents are two of the most wonderful people on the face of the planet and I love them both a lot. We are very close.

Except have an addiction.

My mother has been an addict for the last sixteen years of my life, she started when I was sixteen, my younger sister and brother were 10 and seven respectively. I have a different take on the damage that is caused by being the child of an alcoholic/addict.

There are so many different emotions that you go through when someone you love has this disease. You take responsibility for things that you don't have any control over and you are hurt and angry every time they turn back to their drug. For an addict they don't feel like it's a choice anymore, it's their disease.

Have you ever attended Al-anon? That maybe the first big step to recovery for yourself. Your father is going to continue to disappoint you, all you can really do is work on cutting of the cancer of your relationship with him and someday he may find his own way back to you. He needs to work to repair the damage to your relationship not you.

What you have to do is worry about yourself in this situation. You are a grown man now and you have your own issues to address to drown in worrying on your father's issues to. Letting go of the relationship for your own benefit, doesn't mean that you don't love your parent, it's what you have to do to love yourself.

I had to spread the rep, Justwantfair, but what you say is so true.

Slightlybroken this will be really hard for you to hear, but essentially there is nothing that you can do except make sure that your father is aware that you love him. He has to be the one that takes the action, and in his own time.

You've been fortunate to have had counselling and to understand the nature of your addiction. He has to take responsibility for his own demons whatever they may be.

If the best way for you to cope is to leave the family home and live elsewhere, then so be it. Eventually the weight of the family's disapproval may move him to take action, then again it may not.

I understand that you care about your father, but he needs to take care of himself. So do you.

There is help for your father, and more importantly, for you. Please look up this site :Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

It's al-anon, and al-ateen. It is a support group for family members of alcoholics. You see, I too am an alcoholic/addict, yet in full recovery. This group is "kin" to Alcoholics Anonymous, and really works wonders. My wife is in Al-anon. It probably is the main reason I sought help. AA/NA(Narcotics Anonymous) has saved my life, my family, and my sanity. Please look it up. There is a meeting near you tonight. It's free, anonymous, and worldwide.

Your father is not going to get help until he hits rock bottom. That's the way this disease works. Yes, it is in fact a disease.

Please do not hold it against your father, or think his drinking somehow has anything to do with you. Some people want to drink, your father simply MUST drink. He is not a bad person is he? He is a sick person who needs help. He must find that out for himself. Maybe you and some other family members and friends, can do an intervention. He needs to see how his behavior is affecting you, and the others who love him.

Yes, he most definitely should not have driven with you in the car. He needs to get help fast.

I wish you the best.