My ex did the same thing told me 'we lacked direction' 'there's the stress of school' 'maybe in the future we have a chance'

That was all bs and lies,it was someone else.

If your gf really loved you,she would problem-solve and fix the situation,no matter what,if she had to wait,she would wait.Love does not have deadlines.

I can almost 100% gaurentee there is someone else,maybe just in the back of her mind or physically.

How many times have you heard someone say 'ill do anything to fix this,anything'

'it's not you...its me'

why is that a coined phrase? because of this situation.

There is someone else, I know a name, but nothing else.

does anyone here believe that people grow up and change themselves. that people realize there mistakes and want to rectify them.

Yes but it doesn't have to be tomorrow, It took my ex and I 10 years to get past that, We're married now. But We both moved on with our lives.

It's maybe something you don't want to hear, but I am living proof that ex do reconcile. Guess what in those 10 years we did not keep in contact.

Yes but it doesn't have to be tomorrow, It took my ex and I 10 years to get past that, We're married now. But We both moved on with our lives.

It's maybe something you don't want to hear, but I am living proof that ex do reconcile. Guess what in those 10 years we did not keep in contact.

I agree, it would be a horrible disaster if she came back to quick, I if I pushed her to give an answer, that is why I haven't done anything, talk to her... or her friends and family. I'm helping my cousin out who is going through something similar, and staying around my friends, and working/learning

there is someone else, i know a name, but nothing else.

Ok then you see my theory is right.And I can bet you,any amount of money if you ask her about him she will say 'oh him,we're just friends."

And I can bet you to her friends when they ask why she left you for him she will say
"this guy was always there for me when me and my boyfriend fought,he's understanding,never gets angry and always helps me"

With every call you make to her she runs to him saying "haha my crazy ex is still obessed"

Trust me I've lived this...

Ok then you see my theory is right.And I can bet you,any amount of money if you ask her about him she will say 'oh him,we're just friends."

And I can bet you to her friends when they ask why she left you for him she will say
"this guy was always there for me when me and my bf fought,he's understanding,never gets angry and always helps me"

With every call you make to her she runs to him saying "haha my crazy ex is still obessed"

Trust me i've lived this...

Partly, I asked her about him, and she admitted everything to me, and she is now in a relationship with him, though I figured she was going into that. I won't call her, heck I want to change my cell number, but I've had it for 12 years, and its too much of a pain to contact everyone and tell them the new number. I even want to move somewhere else, cause of the price to rent, and being closer to my job. Though she could still get in contact with my parents, or through email, or the grape vines.

The funny thing is though,I found out from a little bird that in my exes new relationship (leaving me for someone 'less angry')

They fight all the time.

Lol.

(only reason we fought to begin with was the 0 trust factor/constant going out/getting drunk/cheating)

My ex will never admit to me though,that the grass wasn't greener,because my ex burned me out so badly,And I would just say 'sorry I told you so' and laugh.

So in conclusion... what you need to do.Is let her do whatever she needs to do with this guy.
But whatever you do,do not be the third wheel,do not contact her,why? Because then she will blame you for any problems they have,trust me.You need to allow them to have their own problems and break up on their own terms,eventually she will tire of him as well (especially if she can just throw four years away like it's nothing) or guilt will catch up to her,and cause fights.

If she doesn't break up with him,and they ~stay together forever~,then you,again,have even more reason to move on.
Because everything in those four years obviously meant nothing,and why would you want leftovers anyway?

does anyone here believe that people grow up and change themselves. that people realize there mistakes and want to rectify them.

Maybe but I don't think there is any point in that. I still think you want to get back with her. There is no future with her anymore and you need to put it in your head. There is really plenty of girls in the sea and once you realize that she's not worth all the trouble you'll feel much better.

My ex told me she was bored, the passion wasn't there and that we didn't plan for the future. BS. There was somebody else and she didn't tell me even when she stringed me along. Don't contact her back, listen to all of us who passed by exactly the same thing, read all the threads and you'll see that we are mostly guys who got dumped after a couple of years and most of the time there was another guy or they dated right away. It's only history repeating itself. Delete her, her friends and all her family. Who cares if it looks childish, you're in pain and you need to heal and this is one way.

She took the decision of breaking up with you, it was her right. Now it's your right to cut all communications or anything reminding of her!

partly, i asked her about him, and she admitted everything to me, and she is now in a relationship with him, though i figured she was going into that. i won't call her, heck i want to change my cell number, but i've had it for 12 years, and its to much of a pain to contact everyone and tell them the new number. i even want to move somewhere else, cause of the price to rent, and being closer to my job. though she could still get in contact with my parents, or thru email, or the grape vines.

Well after all this waiting and hurting your doing, if she ever does come back you may not even want her. Sometimes the chase is better than the catch. She may even change into someone you don't even want.

The funny thing is though,I found out from a little bird that in my exes new relationship (leaving me for someone 'less angry')

They fight all the time.

lol.

(only reason we fought to begin with was the 0 trust factor/constant going out/getting drunk/cheating)

My ex will never admit to me though,that the grass wasn't greener,because my ex burned me out so badly,And I would just say 'sorry I told you so' and laugh.

So in conclusion...what you need to do.Is let her do whatever she needs to do with this guy.
But whatever you do,do not be the third wheel,do not contact her,why? because then she will blame you for any problems they have,trust me.You need to allow them to have their own problems and break up on their own terms,eventually she will tire of him as well (especially if she can just throw four years away like it's nothing) or guilt will catch up to her,and cause fights.

In the event that she doesn't break up with him,and they ~stay together forever~,then you,again,have even more reason to move on.
Because everything in those four years obviously meant nothing,and why would you want leftovers anyway?.

Lol funny thing, I also heard from a little bird that my ex is starting at least a 2 year relationship with the guy she cheated on. The problem is that he went for a road trip and they will only have a couple of days together before the long term thing start. When I asked her about this guy she always says that he is a "friend"... when actually they were more than that. Anyhow past is the past.

Well after all this waiting and hurting your doing, if she ever does come back you may not even want her. Sometimes the chase is better than the catch. She may even change into someone you don't even want.

Yeah I totally agree, I have no idea what might happen tomorrow, well kind of. But I'm a sucker for believing in people, though I don't act like it, and am always running the different ways a situation might go

Lol funny thing, I also heard from a little bird that my ex is starting at least a 2 year relationship with the guy she cheated on. The problem is that he went for a road trip and they will only have a couple of days together before the long term thing start. When I asked her about this guy she always says that he is a "friend"... when actually they were more than that. Anyhow past is the past.

Yeah, but no little bird told me any thing, I knew it in my gut, and by her face and how she said it. Plus she came out with it, when she realized she couldn't fool me. She is really bad at lying, and has no ability to keep her emotions to her self

At least she told you,up until the end it was "friend just a friend just a friend"

Until we slept together (broken up) and I called the 'friend' and asked if they minded

Lol sh** hit the fan

And suddenly it was no longer a friend.

yeah, but no little bird told me any thing, i knew it in my gut, and by her face and how she said it. plus she came out with it, when she realized she couldn't fool me. she is really bad at lying, and has no ability to keep her emotions to her self

Actually it's pretty much the same thing, I had to "force" the truth out of her because I knew she was lying. I would rather she told me it is over and that there was another guy I would have saved a couple of hairs and some of my hair wouldn't have turned white lol.

At least she told you,up until the end it was "friend just a friend just a friend"

Until we slept together (broken up) and I called the 'friend' and asked if they minded

lol sh** hit the fan

And suddenly it was no longer a friend.

Bad idea to change numbers? Its kind of dramatic, but it would put ever more distant, and also the in ability for her to contact me. Unless she is about to get it from my family or my friends

Actually it's pretty much the same thing, I had to "force" the truth out of her because I knew she was lying. I would rather she told me it is over and that there was another guy I would have saved a couple of hairs and some of my hair wouldn't have turned white lol.

Lol, I already got some whit hair, though I doubt it is from her, probably the stress of surgeries, or stuff from long ago. I hope it wasn't stress related though, cause I don't remember when I got them, but they were before her

Idk about changing numbers,all the times my ex contacted me,they were too afraid to talk to me on the phone (I guess guilt) It was always email or IM.I don't think phone is needed to block,if she has the nerve to speak to you directly by all means let her.

Idk about changing numbers,all the times my ex contacted me,they were too afraid to talk to me on the phone (I guess guilt) It was always email or IM.I don't think phone is needed to block,if she has the nerve to speak to you directly by all means let her.

Directly meaning in person?

No, if she calls be brief and cold. Don't let her control you. If she does call tell her you have a date or you're meeting someone.

No never in person (at least in my case,my ex is banned from seeing me... forever)

But I will accept phone calls.Because I think IMS and email and Facebook are all impersonal and too insulting for me to answer after what I've been through.

The phonecall I would answer? Not small talk,not how are you.

It would have to be an apology,only way I would listen.

So would I accept a phonecall that said something like,you forgot my birthday?

HELL NO. that phone call would be solely based on her selfish needs.

And that's one you can expect in five days (maybe) if you don't say happy birthday to her (which I'm all for you ignoring her birthday)

The phonecall I would answer? not small talk,not how are you.

It would have to be an apology,only way I would listen.



Well should I just ignore all calls? If any. Cause there really isn't a way for me to tell if its an apology or for small talk other wise

No, if she calls be brief and cold. Don't let her control you. If she does call tell her you have a date or you're meeting someone.

I would rather not tell her anything that I am doing. She doesn't need to know anything of what I am doing. Which is why I never post that stuff. For all she knows I have someone else, or have gone on vaca, or moved.

I got to delete like 60 friends, though I won't delete all of them, cause most of them are mine, that she met through me

If she wants to talk about apologizing (and means it) wait for the answering machine to tell you.Then think about how sincere it is.If she sounds desperate chances are she'll keep calling and calling.Then you have control.

But whatever you do. DO NOT SEE HER IN PERSON.

I believe breaking nc is okay if it's on their side and if they have apologized and MEANT IT as in TEARS,or at least a long speech... I mean... it better be something huge.But even then I wouldn't see her in person.

After she's been with that guy?

HELL NO.

Think about it? Would you really want to see her after she's 'been with' him.

I wouldn't... that's disgusting to me.

I guess it would all depend on the reason she came to see me, cause I wouldn't go to her. Though the only place she knows that I go is my parents house, which I never go to, cause I moved out. My office is moving, and I might be moving out of my house now cause of cost.

Correct me if I am wrong isn't she with someone else?

Nope, your right

Listen if she comes to see you,obviously she will call first to see if you're there right?

Well there you go,tell her you can't see her.

And before you say 'oh that's messed up she drove 30 mins' realize that she left you for another guy,she's not a friend,she's not the innocent one.

She.left.you.

You should have no loyalty or compassion towards her.

Ah and if you knew how easy it is to be manipulated by an ex in person,regardless of what they've done...

I have several friends who have made that mistake (including myself) and done things we regret... so much. (in my case though it was before I found out about the other person.. after I found out... I would never see my ex)

But I guess everything happens for a reason,but honestly save yourself the self respect.Cause second she see's you and starts crying,you will believe anything she says,and forget everything,trust me I've been there.Then come home to find out "but i have to stay with him...I love him"

Not fun.

well should i just ignore all calls? if any. cause there really isn't a way for me to tell if its an apology or for small talk other wise
That's why you don't answer any of them.

I believe in honor of their past if she wants to apologize,he should at least listen.

So if she leaves one on the answering machine.. I wouldn't hit delete or anything.

And if she calls back,I would listen.

But that's the extent of it.

Very few exes apologize so... I would take the apology.. doesn't mean I'd accept it.

Thats why you don't answer any of them.

And just delete the VM, and never call back? No matter what the VM says or if she keeps calling?

I believe in honor of their past if she wants to apologize,he should at least listen.

So if she leaves one on the answering machine..I wouldn't hit delete or anything.

And if she calls back,I would listen.

But that's the extent of it.

Very few exes apologize so...I would take the apology..doesn't mean i'd accept it.

Does anyone actually say, "i accept your apology" anymore, I think now a days its just expected

and just delete the VM, and never call back? no matter what the VM says or if she keeps calling?

I think it really depends if you're at the point where you are strong enough to resist temptation (wanting her back) and look at the apology as platonic for being wronged.

You have to be able to accept it,without wanting answers.

As a sort of closure

And I'm not talking about the halfa*** "sorry"
And nothing else

I'm talking about the apology where you have to beg them to stop talking,the one that means something,and very few people get.

nope, your right

Even more of a reason to forget about her, Many fine things can be done in a day if you don't always make that day tomorrow. Make today the day you forget about her, and stop thinking about what if.

Even more of a reason to forget about her, Many fine things can be done in a day if you don't always make that day tomorrow. Make today the day you forget about her, and stop thinking about what if.

I don't want her running back right away, both her and I have a lot of thinking to do.

I think it really depends if you're at the point where you are strong enough to resist temptation (wanting her back) and look at the apology as platonic for being wronged.

You have to be able to accept it,without wanting answers.

As a sort of closure

And i'm not talking about the halfa*** "sorry"
and nothing else

I'm talking about the apology where you have to beg them to stop talking,the one that means something,and very few people get.

Well if she ends up crying and spilling everything out, what's the point of taking the call, if its going to be platonic?

i don't want her running back right away, both her and i have alot of thinking to do.


Yes but knowing someone left you and immediately began seeing someone else, doesn't make you secure either when and if there is a reconciliation. The fear of them always going to do it again will linger in your mind and can destroy the relationship once again.

I don't know that is just my opinion and from people I have talked to, you see this person you loved and all you can seem to think about is them dumping you to hook up with someone else only to come back to you. Especially if you know you are potentially a great person who deserve better than that.

Did your now, husband, hook up with anyone else during that 10 yrs apart, or did you?

Of course he did, but he didn't leave me for someone else, we were on two different life paths, military life, college, many things that made our relationship difficult, neither one of us left bitter. Or left one another for someone else we let go to improve ourselves.

Don't get me wrong we had problems even before we got married, and nothing was perfect even after we reconciled. BUt I didn't put so much hope and thought into getting him back, or what to do when he called. You just have to start living.

How would you ever be able to know for sure, he didn't leave you for someone else?
Like the point is you can never know what someone is thinking or what they are doing, unless you are god or their brain. Maybe he left bitter, but he might not tell you that. Maybe you were bitter about it, but don't want to admit it, or are looking back, and saying there really isn't a reason for me to be bitter about it.

I don't want to offend you, but its just a thought

Not offending,
Truth is as I told him because he is a couple years older than me, He was entering the military before me, and wanted me to be with him, I couldn't promise him that, because we were on two different life paths, I knew that if I sacrificed my goals, I would probably regret or resented myself for that. So we parted amicably, I was still young at the time and knew that I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to be. Put it this way, after we broke up. I continued to live my life, got married so did he, divorced and remarried him. Never, ever did I think we would be together, It just happened. And to make it even more of a twist he was in another state.
I am trying to tell you, that if someone wants you to let go you have to.

Losing someone you love is devastating, Like I told someone in another post, its like an amputation, losing a limb, it may cripple you but it won't kill you. Eventually, you'll have to cope and live your life without that part of you. It can be done but you have to be willing to accept the circumstances. And make it your priority to recover.

Jolie is right, when a partner leaves for whatever reason you have to let them go.

Cutting all contact with them is the first step in that direction. And will allow your dignity, and self respect, to heal, and you avoid any more misery, and pain, or confusion and not have any false hope of getting her back.

Not offending,
Truth is as I told him because he is a couple years older than me, He was entering the military before me, and wanted me to be with him, I couldn't promise him that, because we were on two different life paths, I knew that if I sacrificed my goals, I would probably regret or resented myself for that. So we parted amicably, I was still young at the time and knew that I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to be. Put it this way, after we broke up. I continued to live my life, got married so did he, divorced and remarried him. Never, ever did I think we would be together, It just happened. And to make it even more of a twist he was in another state.
I am trying to tell you, that if someone wants you to let go you have to.

Its not like she knows I'm holding on, how would she. Unless she is holding on

its not like she knows i'm holding on, how would she. unless she is holding on

Way too much false hope... I sense.

She will know you're holding on/don't forgive her until you call her and say

"hey ___ everything is fine,can you believe how dramatic we were a few months/years ago,hope all is well,I got a new gf,a new job,ect,call back if you get the chance"

Way too much false hope ...i sense.

She will know you're holding on/don't forgive her until you call her and say

"hey ___ everything is fine,can you believe how dramatic we were a few months/years ago,hope all is well,I got a new gf,a new job,ect,call back if you get the chance"

Well why don't I just run her over with a car, would take less effort, lol

But seriously, she doesn't see me, I don't talk about her with any of her friends, I don't write about her, how would she know?

its not like she knows i'm holding on, how would she. unless she is holding on


Well she broke up with you, so she probably knows your feeling pretty bad right now. Does she care, probably not that is why she is with someone else. Reading your post she pretty much made it seem like she broke it off because of you, when she really did it because of her own needs.

Her actions clearly suggest to me that she is not holding on. I could be wrong, I don't have all the answers but you seem like a caring guy, who deserves a little more respect.

well she broke up with you, so she probably knows your feeling pretty bad right now. Does she care, probably not that is why she is with someone else. Reading your post she pretty much made it seem like she broke it off because of you, when she really did it because of her own needs.

Her actions clearly suggest to me that she is not holding on. I could be wrong, I don't have all the answers but you seem like a caring guy, who deserves a little more respect.

If she wasn't holding on, then why contact me this morning at one am. I didn't expect anything from her. She knows nothing about what I am doing, where I am at, who I'm around, I keep silent about it all. I not shocked about someone else, when you are emotionally weakened, people will turn to the first person that is willing to comfort them. I would probably do that, but I tend to stay away from people when I have something going on like this.

if she wasn't holding on, then why contact me this morning at one am. i didn't expect anything from her. she knows nothing about what i am doing, where i am at, who i'm around, i keep silent about it all. i not shocked about someone else, when you are emotionally weakened, people will turn to the first person that is willing to comfort them. i would probably do that, but i tend to stay away from people when i have something going on like this.

She text you because she knows she has that control or so she thinks, NC is important its not about playing games this is just so she knows that the decision she chose to make to break up with you. She has to deal with the consequence of her action otherwise, she will keep doing it. I know she doesn't know you are holding on, but she is testing you to see if she still has that authority.

She text you because she knows she has that control or so she thinks, NC is important its not about playing games this is just so she knows that the decision she chose to make to break up with you. She has to deal with the consequence of her action otherwise, she will keep doing it. I know she doesn't know you are holding on, but she is testing you to see if she still has that authority.

Well you say its not a game, but it sure sounds like it. Reading bluffs, trying to guess the other persons next moves. She is shooting in the dark. Cause I have been unreachable. But I also think that by acting this way will make her forget about what we had, and not come back. Not saying that I would contact/see/text/etc her. But ultimately the only thing I'm doing is building a wall with no way to get over, under, around, knock down, which sucks, cause even months. Years, days, weeks, whatever, I will realize I am fine and life goes on (I already know that), but that I still want her, and all I have done is push about the person I want, to just prove a point to her

well you say its not a game, but it sure sounds like it. reading bluffs, trying to guess the other persons next moves. she is shooting in the dark. cause i have been unreachable. but i also think that by acting this way will make her forget about what we had, and not come back. Not saying that i would contact/see/text/etc her. but ultimately the only thing i'm doing is building a wall with no way to get over, under, around, knock down, which sucks, cause even months. years, days, weeks, whatever, i will realize i am fine and life goes on (i already know that), but that i still want her, and all i have done is push about the person i want, to just prove a point to her


“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future” This is what is going to happen, you will do everything in your life with the thought in the back of your mind that she will come back. Deny me that, but I can tell just by your response that is exactly what you are doing.

“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future” This is what is going to happen, you will do everything in your life with the thought in the back of your mind that she will come back. Go ahead and deny me that, but I can tell just by your response that is exactly what you are doing.

At this moment and all the ones before this, I want her to come back, I can't hide that.

I have been reading this and keeping up to date as it all goes on. I think we are all giving you advice based on our experiences and want to offer you support in this difficult time. If our advice does not feel right, then you should evaluate it and decide for yourself if you should follow our path as offered to you.

You offer some good points in your last posts that are valid and show good character that you question in search of the truth (not to just be oppositional). I think you are valid in wanting her back in your life. I would caution you that you can not go back. There is a reason she left and if you two have not identified that reason, worked on it, confronted it, and laid it to rest, history is likely to repeat itself.

So if you do not build up this "wall" with which to protect yourself (which I must admit is good advice in 99% of all cases such as this) at least demand from her answers and seek resolutions to what has happened. Do not ignore it, accept it, or allow it to happen again. Be an active part in any relationship.

But as you have stated she does not seem to be grieving. Maybe this latest contact is her way of grieving. Should you be a part of it? I don't know... but becareful you are not her doormat while she does this.

Yes but it doesn't have to be tomorrow, It took my ex and I 10 years to get past that, We're married now. But We both moved on with our lives.

It's maybe something you don't want to hear, but I am living proof that ex do reconcile. Guess what in those 10 years we did not keep in contact.

Wow, so after 10 years when you guys got back together, were there sparks like meeting somebody new? Do you guys get annoy at each other with old habits?

I have been reading this and keeping up to date as it all goes on. I think we are all giving you advice based on our experiences and want to offer you support in this difficult time. If our advice does not feel right, then you should evaluate it and decide for yourself if you should follow our path as offered to you.

You offer some good points in your last posts that are valid and show good character that you question in search of the truth (not to just be oppositional). I think you are valid in wanting her back in your life. I would caution you that you can not go back. There is a reason she left and if you two have not identified that reason, worked on it, confronted it, and laid it to rest, history is likely to repeat itself.

So if you do not build up this "wall" with which to protect yourself (which I must admit is good advice in 99% of all cases such as this) at least demand from her answers and seek resolutions to what has happened. Do not ignore it, accept it, or allow it to happen again. Be an active part in any relationship.

But as you have stated she does not seem to be grieving. Maybe this latest contact is her way of grieving. Should you be a part of it? I dont know....but becareful you are not her doormat while she does this.

I really don't have the power to demand answers from her, I got a feeling it would turn into a fight between this guy and I. I have been following the combined path everyone here has laid out.

I know I can not go back, but she could. Though still we might have grown to far apart, we might not like who we have become, scares might still be there, etc.

This other guy is her grieving? Why does she have to hurt me to grieve?

i really don't have the power to demand answers from her, i got a feeling it would turn into a fight between this guy and i. i have been following the combined path everyone here has laid out.

i know i can not go back, but she could. though still we might have grown to far apart, we might not like who we have become, scares might still be there, etc.

this other guy is her grieving? why does she have to hurt me to grieve?



She cheated on you/left you for this guy.

She is hardly grieving.

I know exactly how it feels dude,I had the same thing happen.

I still deal with it everyday,it's been two months.But I have to be honest,everyday I get more clarity.

I see more signs that I was blinded by before this.

I get more pissed off to be honest,because while I was crying on the phone because my ex was changing (when we were together) the nights of "i think we should just be friends" out of no where

And then finding out about this,by myself.

There is nothing worse

But do you honestly want someone back who would so easily lie to you,disregard your feelings,and move on so fast?

Do you want someone back (on a cruder level) who F***ed someone else?

I mean come on

I feel the pain from deceit... not from missing my ex.

Re-direct your pain.

well should i just ignore all calls? if any. cause there really isn't a way for me to tell if its an apology or for small talk other wise

Well NC seems to be the best way. If she is with a different guy, do not answer her call. If you answer or not answer, it won't change a SINGLE thing about how she feels about you.

SHE HAS TO GET OVER THIS NEW GUY THAT SHE IS SEEING BEFORE SHE CAN DEVELOP ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU. THE BEST THING TO DO NOW IS TO HAVE FRIENDS AND ESPECIALLY FEMALE FRIENDS. KEEP TO THE NC AND YOU WILL HEAL

Well NC seems to be the best way. If she is with a different guy, do not answer her call. If you answer or not answer, it won't change a SINGLE thing about how she feels about you.

SHE HAS TO GET OVER THIS NEW GUY THAT SHE IS SEEING BEFORE SHE CAN DEVELOP ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU. THE BEST THING TO DO NOW IS TO HAVE FRIENDS AND ESPECIALLY FEMALE FRIENDS. KEEP TO THE NC AND YOU WILL HEAL

It is ridiculous that after the OPS long relationship,he should settle for second best to a guy she just met.What are feelings to his ex anyway?

They seem to be excitement and new things,which apparently he doesn't offer.

When my ex tried to remain friends after this (yeah they had the nerve to apologize and ask to be friends)

I straight up cursed my ex out "you're a W***,ect"

I don't really regret it either

I just... was so insulted.

My ex had the nerve to tell me I ruined a "beautiful relationship"

The same day my ex had said "there's no one else"

Same.day.

The explanation I got for catching my ex with that other person (While with me) was

"I cared about you both so much but I couldn't decide...but now that you freaked out...I decided"

LOL W/E

Ok. Deleted her and friends. Now I Got to take care of myspace, probably just delete my account since I never use it. Still feels stupid but whatever

Do you want someone back (on a cruder level) who F***ed someone else?


So only date virgins, right? And I have no idea about this guy, for all I know she is using him to get to me, to make me break, to make it easy for her to come back and me do whatever she wants. I have no idea and neither does anyone on this forum, everyone can say from past experiences, but like a finger print or a snow flake each one is similar, but no two are the same.

I like the advice, it gives me different ways to look at things, not just this. But also helps me decide what direction I want to move in

so only date virgins, right? and i have no idea about this guy, for all i know she is using him to get to me, to make me break, to make it easy for her to come back and me do whatever she wants. i have no idea and neither does anyone on this forum, everyone can say from past experiences, but like a finger print or a snow flake each one is similar, but no two are the same.

i like the advice, it gives me different ways to look at things, not just this. but also helps me decide what direction i want to move in

There's nothing wrong with dating someone who'se not a virgin.What I meant by that was,to most people taking back an ex after they had sex with someone else (regardless if they were a virgin before) is disgusting and 'tainted'.

For most people,that kills any chance of physical romance again. (for the people it doesn't... really need to look at themselves worth)

But about the virgin thing... it's interesting you brought it up... I would THINK a virgin would be less likely to cheat... I don't know if it's statistically proven or not...

Ok. Deleted her and friends. Now I Gotta take care of myspace, probably just delete my account since I never use it. Still feels stupid but whatever

Good job,I honestly don't know how you kept her as a friend,with comments from him (I assume) and pictures of them together (again I assume).It sounds like sticking your hand on an oven surface.

There's nothing wrong with dating someone who'se not a virgin.What I meant by that was,to most people taking back an ex after they had sex with someone else (regardless if they were a virgin before) is disgusting and 'tainted'.

For most people,that kills any chance of physical romance again. (for the people it doesn't ...really need to look at their self worth)

But about the virgin thing...it's interesting you brought it up...I would THINK a virgin would be less likely to cheat...I don't know if it's statistically proven or not...

She lost her virginity to me.
I agree about the tainted, but do you know for a fact that she sleep with him? Like she and him are the only ones that know

she lost her virginity to me.
i agree about the tainted, but do you know for a fact that she sleep with him? like she and him are the only ones that know

The thing about girls that lose their virginity,then hop into a different relationship.Is they usually have sex with the next guy right away.To downplay the fact they were a virgin before the previous guy,do you get it?

She probably had sex with him,to get over you,basically.

I know some girls who have been in the same situation and said this,so there's what I base it on.

I like the advice, it gives me different ways to look at things, not just this. But also helps me decide what direction I want to move in
That's a good attitude to have, not just in relationships, but in life. See your options, and make a good decision for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings. You know better than any one what you want in your future.

Talaniman Rule- The only way to see your options and opportunities is to see your your mistakes from the past, and be ready for your future.

Sometimes all you have is experience to make a decision with. But the fact is, what you want is always ahead of you. Just keep working toward it.

Move forward, not back.

Today is a hard day, it's my birthday, and I have spent the last 4 years with her on this day. Her birthday is on the 7th, which we always did something special together. I really want her here with me! She just sent me a private message on facebook, saying " just wanted to say happy birthday"

why would she do that when she doesn't care? She has done enough damage, why is she putting gas on the fire?
Haven't looked at this in a while.
She wished you a Happy Birthday because it is your birthday. We females do things like that. No ulterior motive. Stop trying to make something out of nothing. Stop!

I don't think this young lady is coming back. She is with someone else because she has found someone else she wants to be with. This does not make her a bad person, she has grown up and away from you.
How old was she when you two got together, 16? She is what, 20 now? She is maturing and changing and this is what you should do. You can love and need someone but that does not mean they will always love and need you.
You are still pretty young yourself and you have a lot of changing and maturing to do.
Delete her form your page if that is what you want to do, if you don't want to do it don't. But don't not delete her name for fear that she can't contact you. If she wanted to she would figure out a way to do it.

Move on young man. I know you're in pain but stop obsessing over this young lady. It is what it is.

The thing about girls that lose their virginity,then hop into a different relationship.Is they usually have sex with the next guy right away.To downplay the fact they were a virgin before the previous guy,do you get it?

She probably had sex with him,to get over you,basically.

I know some girls who have been in the same situation and said this,so there's what I base it on.
Are you a female?
If she had sex with him it is because she wanted to, not to get over him. She left him, remember? Her losing her virginity to him has nothing to do with this and making blanket statements like that does no one any good.

Dude you will hurt for a while but you will get over this. Get out and do fun things, find out who you are apart from her. You have growing and changing to do as well.

Are you a female?
If she had sex with him it is because she wanted to, not to get over him. She left him, remember? Her losing her virginity to him has nothing to do with this and making blanket statements like that does no one any good.

Dude you will hurt for a while but you will get over this. Get out and do fun things, find out who you are apart from her. You have growing and changing to do as well.

There relationship was long.
She took no time to move on.

All signs lead to... rebound.

Which is why I said what I said. Rebounds do in fact exist.. and the classic rebound is always 'too much too soon'

So yeah blanket statement... with statistics.

That is not necessarily true.
I date a guy all through High School and when I met my now husband at 19 I left my boyfriend right away. I just knew he was "the one" Rebound had nothing to do with it.
Rebound relationships are generally ones where the person who has been dumped jumps right into another relationship to get over the guy that dumped her. She left him.
Now if he went and slept with a girl right away, THAT would be a rebound.

That is not necessarily true.
I date a guy all through High School and when I met my now husband at 19 I left my boyfriend right away. I just knew he was "the one" Rebound had nothing to do with it.
Rebound relationships are generally ones where the person who has been dumped jumps right into another relationship to get over the guy that dumped her. She left him.
Now if he went and slept with a girl right away, THAT would be a rebound.

I understand but at the same time,both sides,are sort of manic.
Leaving something of four years for something else (let's assume she tells him she loves him,wants to marry him) not even a month in.
Would you consider this then to be a rebound,to get those feelings that fast?
I realize you said you met your husband at 19 but surely you couldn't be that naïve to believe love starts the first week and not over years.

Haven't looked at this in a while.
She wished you a Happy Birthday because it is your birthday. We females do things like that. No ulterior motive. Stop trying to make something out of nothing. Stop!

I don't think this young lady is coming back. She is with someone else because she has found someone else she wants to be with. This does not make her a bad person, she has grown up and away from you.
How old was she when you two got together, 16? She is what, 20 now? She is maturing and changing and this is what you should do. You can love and need someone but that does not mean they will always love and need you.
You are still pretty young yourself and you have a lot of changing and maturing to do.
Delete her form your page if that is what you want to do, if you don't want to do it don't. But don't not delete her name for fear that she can't contact you. If she wanted to she would figure out a way to do it.

Move on young man. I know you're in pain but stop obsessing over this young lady. It is what it is.

Why would she even bother. We haven't talked or any in awhile, it's not worth the time, all it did was upset me

I understand but at the same time,both sides,are sort of manic.
Leaving something of four years for something else (let's assume she tells him she loves him,wants to marry him) not even a month in.
Would you concider this then to be a rebound,to get those feelings that fast?
I realize you said you met your husband at 19 but surely you couldn't be that naive to believe love starts the first week and not over years.

I really kind of agree with you, I think a rebound can be on either side. Using someone else right after a relationship, is something to take your mind what you have done, guilt. Or what you have lost, comfort. Reasons can be switch between both, cause the dumper might realize they have made a mistake, but needs comfort

To begin with, we don't know that she has told this guy that she loves him and wants to marry him, and no, I don't consider it a rebound. Maybe she just felt "something different with him, some real adult chemistry.
I dated a guy for 4 years, I loved him dearly, he was my best friend. When I met my husband, it was different. The chemistry was different. I knew he was the one for me.
The guy I was with before was my best friend, we grew up together, but he was not the man for me. I did not love him as a man, but as my dear friend. There is a difference.
It was not love at first sight, but we both knew there was something there, and we went with it.
4 years later we were married and have been married 33 years

You just stated the guy before your husband was your best friend... that context is entirely different... The basis of your relationship... before it.. was friends,so of course the chemistry was never there.And of course the breakup would be amicable.

But I don't think the OP was ever best friends with his ex?

Also about 'instant chemistry' that is not love,it is lust.

Love is as they say 'for better or worse'.

Love takes time.

I don't believe in "love at first sight...I just knew"

No,funny though that's what my ex told me

"we were soulmates and will be together forever"

Exactly why I don't buy into it.

You just stated the guy before your husband was your best friend...that context is entirely different...The basis of your relationship...before it..was friends,so of course the chemistry was never there.

But I don't think the OP was ever best friends with his ex?
We dated, I loved him, he was my best friend and my boy friend.
I'm thinking those two grew up together, they dated she loved him, he was her friend, first sexual partner, that does not mean he was the man for her. Maybe when she met this other guy, the grown up chemistry was there.
There is a difference.
You can be a best friend with your lover, in fact, you should be

Hello, I would recommend that you get some personal counseling either through a church or a independent counselor. Work on your anger because that will damage any relationship you have with a woman. Whether you get back with her or not you want to find out how to control that. Anger and verbal abuse will damage any relationship, get some good counsel. I would also pray about your relationship and ask God to take control of it and have his will be done.

We dated, I loved him, he was my best friend and my boy friend.
I'm thinking those two grew up together, they dated she loved him, he was her friend, first sexual partner, that does not mean he was the man for her. Maybe when she met this other guy, the grown up chemistry was there.
There is a difference.
You can be a best friend with your lover, in fact, you should be

We were friends for about a week before we started dating. We have always been friends through everything, every mountain that came up we beat it together. Does anyone think she is using him for comfort or to piss me off, besides me? Like seriously...

How can you know he was the "one" for you? It doesn't make any sense. You can't judge if anybody is the "one" in the first time you see them. Anyhow, his ex didn't do anything wrong to go with another guy, it's her right but what happened to just breaking up because we are fundamentally not happy and staying without a date for a couple of month?

I think it is the cowards way out to just date right away or to leave a guy for someone else. I may be harsh and all but it just shows your lack of courage. You weren't happy in your former relationship yet you waited for someone to show up to break with your boyfriend. This pains me because it was done the same thing with me and it seems that girls don't have the decency of just breaking up without the lying, pleading, cheating...

We were friends for about a week before we started dating. we have always been friends through everything, every mountain that came up we beat it together. Does anyone think she is usin him for comfort or to piss me off, besides me? Like seriously.....
No she is not using him to piss you off. She likes him. That is why she is with him. The sooner you realize that the better off you'll be. She is not evil, she is not trying to make you mad or jealous, she just does not feel for you what you feel for her.

Sometimes it just does not work!

Hello, I would recommend that you get some personal counseling either through a church or a independent counselor. Work on your anger because that will damage any relationship you have with a woman. Wether you get back with her or not you want to find out how to control that. Anger and verbal abuse will damage any relationship, get some good counsel. I would also pray about your relationship and ask God to take control of it and have his will be done.

Here's my counseling, running up a mountain, or doing physical work. The problem was I could before while I worked and did college at he same time. What breaks a relationship is lack of communication and trust

No she is not using him to piss you off. She likes him. That is why she is with him. The sooner you realize that the better off you'll be. She is not evil, she is not trying to make you mad or jealous, she just does not feel for you what you feel for her.

Sometimes it just does not work!

She didn't have the courage to dump him without that other guy so it just shows that she has no courage and she lied to him. She isn't an angel also.

She didn't have the courage to dump him without that other guy so it just shows that she has no courage and she lied to him. She isn't an angel also.

I think what paxe said is true.Everyone is pushing the OP to move on and saying 'sometimes things don't work' but the fact of the matter is,his ex was too afraid to be completely alone,she replaced him,than dumped him (but couldn't just dump him without being replaced)

She IS a coward and a liar!

How can you know he was the "one" for you? It doesn't make any sense. You can't judge if anybody is the "one" in the first time you see them. Anyhow, his ex didn't do anything wrong to go with another guy, it's her right but what happened to just breaking up because we are fundamentally not happy and staying without a date for a couple of month?

I think it is the cowards way out to just date right away or to leave a guy for someone else. I may be harsh and all but it just shows your lack of courage. You weren't happy in your former relationship yet you waited for someone to show up to break with your boyfriend. This pains me because it was done the same thing with me and it seems that girls don't have the decency of just breaking up without the lying, pleading, cheating...

It may not make sense to you because you have never experienced it. But I knew he was the one.
I never said I was not happy in my relationship. I just knew when I met my husband that my relationship was not what I wanted or needed. We were both emotionally dependent on each other we spent all of our time with each other, it was young teenage "whatever", rather dysfunctional. I was 19. Was I supposed to stay with him knowing I wanted to be with someone else? If I'm not emotionally there I'm not really there, so I told him what was up and I left. There was nothing coward about that.

You were hurt, but don't put me in your scenario. My situation was not like yours. Don't get it twisted.

Here's my counseling, running up a mountain, or doing physical work. The problem was I could before while I worked and did college at he same time. What breaks a relationship is lack of communication and trust
Sometimes a relationship breaks because it is not the right one. Sometimes it breaks because both of you are not in love. She communicated with you, told you she wanted out. Now you need to accept it.

It may not make sense to you because you have never experienced it. But I knew he was the one.
I never said I was not happy in my relationship. I just knew when I met my husband that my relationship was not what I wanted or needed. We were both emotionally dependant on each other we spent all of our time with each other, it was young teenage "whatever", rather dysfunctional. I was 19. Was I supposed to stay with him knowing I wanted to be with someone else? If I'm not emotionally there I'm not really there, so I told him what was up and I left. There was nothing coward about that.

You were hurt, but don't put me in your scenario. My situation was not like yours. Don't get it twisted.

Out of curiosity did you tell him the reason you broke up,was because of someone else?

If so I really do respect you,because it's a horrible thing to hear,BUT NO ONE IS EVER HONEST WITH IT.

"let's be friends"

"too much stress"

"let's take a break"

Hell,I never would have wasted all those nights crying over my ex if my ex had straight up said there was someone else... instead of leading me on for a year and a half

I think what paxe said is true.Everyone is pushing the OP to move on and saying 'sometimes things don't work' but the fact of the matter is,his ex was too afraid to be completely alone,she replaced him,than dumped him (but couldn't just dump him without being replaced)

she IS a coward and a liar!

I agree with this. I don't see anyone getting over something like this that easily. Whether she likes his guy or not, they will never go through what we went through. Whether she likes this guy or not she is fishing for a reaction from

She didn't have the courage to dump him without that other guy so it just shows that she has no courage and she lied to him. She isn't an angel also.
How do you know this? Don't get your story twisted with his.

I think what paxe said is true.Everyone is pushing the OP to move on and saying 'sometimes things don't work' but the fact of the matter is,his ex was too afraid to be completely alone,she replaced him,than dumped him (but couldn't just dump him without being replaced)

she IS a coward and a liar!
You don't know this to be true. Do you guys know her? Do you know that she met this guy first and then dumped him? Or are you thinking about your own heartbreak.
Don't get it twisted.
He does not even know if she left him for the other guy, how do you know it?
Don't give advice based on your hurt and ager. It does not help him.

How do you know this? Don't get your story twisted with his.

He means some people have the clingy personality type.
They only distance themselves when they are 100% sure they have someone else lined up to replace the former.
It's a common trait,especially in women who feel they need to be 'loved',or guys who want to prove themselves as 'men'.
Again.. the concept of rebounding... or security blankets.
They have no time to think about who they gave up because they are completely enamored with the "new and shiny bf or gf"
So their grief doesn't exactly hit them until they break up with the new bf/gf

In your case your split was amicable... but if you hurt that guy... I'm sure you'd have second thoughts.. "maybe I shouldn't have...I wonder about him...I feel bad"

I think what paxe said is true.Everyone is pushing the OP to move on and saying 'sometimes things don't work' but the fact of the matter is,his ex was too afraid to be completely alone,she replaced him,than dumped him (but couldn't just dump him without being replaced)

she IS a coward and a liar!

Agreed! And it does seem it is the majority of time like that. The girl dumps the boy:
Boy: "is there someone else?"
Girl:"Nobody I swear, there is only friends, I need time alone, I still love you..."

I do believe that the "right" way to dump someone is for reasons other than "there is someone else" and that the dumper also takes time to heal.

Out of curiosity did you tell him the reason you broke up,was because of someone else?

If so I really do respect you,because it's a horrible thing to hear,BUT NO ONE IS EVER HONEST WITH IT.

"let's be friends"

"too much stress"

"let's take a break"

Hell,I never would have wasted all those nights crying over my ex if my ex had straight up said there was someone else...instead of leading me on for a year and a half

He knew why I left. I was completely honest with him. We had always been that way with each other. I even told him who he was. (and no, he did not know him) Yes he was hurt, but I would have been miserable had I stayed and that would not have been good for either of us.

I agree with this. I don't see anyone geting over something like this that easily. Whether she likes his guy or not, they will never go thru what we went thru. Whether she likes this guy or not she is fishing for a reaction from
They will never go through what you two went through because they are different people different circumstances.
If you want to think she is doing all of this to get to you, you just keep thinking that. You will never move on.
Do the mature thing and just face the fact that it is over for whatever reason and move on.
I doubt it is about you. It's about her and her happiness.

He means some people have the clingy personality type.
They only distance themselves when they are 100% sure they have someone else lined up to replace the former.
It's a common trait,especially in women who feel they need to be 'loved',or guys who want to prove themselves as 'men'.
Again..the concept of rebounding...or security blankets.
They have no time to think about who they gave up because they are completely enamored with the "new and shiny bf or gf"
So their grief doesn't exactly hit them until they break up with the new bf/gf

In your case your split was amicable...but if you hurt that guy...i'm sure you'd have second thoughts.. "maybe I shouldn't have...I wonder about him...I feel bad"
No, I have no second thoughts or regrets. I'm sorry I hurt him because he was dear to me, but I never had second thoughts about leaving.

If I had stayed with him, I would have always had second thoughts about the guy I didn't go to, I would have wondered if he really was the one.
I made a decision and I have never regretted it.

You don't know this to be true. Do you guys know her? Do you know that she met this guy first and then dumped him? Or are you thinking about your own heartbreak.
Don't get it twisted.
He does not even know if she left him for the other guy, how do you know it?
Don't give advice based on your hurt and ager. It does not help him.

From what the dumpee told us, she lied to him. And we won't know for sure if she left him for someone else but isn't that what you did? I mean I'm trying to be rational here, isn't it due to a lack of courage? You may deny it but if you felt you weren't happy with your ex, why didn't you left him right away?

From what the dumpee told us, she lied to him. And we won't know for sure if she left him for someone else but isn't that what you did? I mean I'm trying to be rational here, isn't it due to a lack of courage? You may deny it but if you felt you weren't happy with your ex, why didn't you left him right away?
Re read what I said. I did not leave him because I was unhappy with him, I left him because I realized that I could not be happy with him after I met this guy. I knew that what he and I had was teenaged neediness. We enabled each other in our insecurities. But I wasn't unhappy. What we had was not healthy.

And go back and read what he said. He does not know if she lied. She left him, she told him she was unhappy. He does not know if she was with the guy before she left.

You are getting it twisted with your hurt.

If I had stayed with him, I would have always had second thoughts about the guy I didn't go to, I would have wondered if he really was the one.
I made a decision and I have never regretted it.

Why didn't you break off with your ex at the time before you go out with this other man? Shouldn't you have broken up first and then go out with this man after you healed? Just doesn't make any sense.

If my husband had not come along, we probably would have stayed happy in our dysfunction for a while, but as we matured we would have been some miserable adults.
In fact, both of our parents were glad we broke up. They saw we were not right or good for each other.

Why didn't you break off with your ex at the time before you go out with this other man? Shouldn't you have broken up first and then go out with this man after you healed? Just doesn't make any sense.
Are you not reading what I wrote? Before I met him, I was not unhappy. There was no reason I could see at that point for us to break up. Everyone else saw it, but we didn't. There was no healing for me to do.
He and I got to know each other then we started dating. We dated for four years.

Re read what I said. I did not leave him because I was unhappy with him, I left him because I realized that I could not be happy with him after I met this guy. I knew that what he and I had was teenaged neediness. We enabled each other in our insecurities. But I wasn't unhappy. What we had was not healthy.

And go back and read what he said. He does not know if she lied. She left him, she told him she was unhappy. He does not know if she was with the guy before she left.

You are getting it twisted with your hurt.

Well first of all, what did you need a guy to find out your first relationship was unhealthy? I'm not trying to be harsh or judgmental, I'm just trying to understand why would someone do this? It is the easy way for me but not the moral way out. It is my opinion and I may be wrong. But I strongly believe that a moral person would find out for his own why the relationship was unhealthy in the first place, and then heal like exactly like a dumpee.

And actually she did lied to him if you reread the posts. He knew she wasn't saying the truth so he had to get a confession out of her. I'm not too much for lying especially when I'm breaking someone's heart, if I would break up with someone, I would at least tell them the whole truth.

Look this thread is not about me.
I was a teenager when this happened. Teenagers think they know it all. Our parents tried to tell us our relationship was not right.
When I met my husband, there was chemistry and I knew he was the right person for me.
You have been hurt and so no matter what I say you are not going to get it because you are comparing everything to your hurt.
People are different, what is good for you may not be good for another person. I did not lie to him, I told him why I was leaving and I left. I have never regretted leaving as I have a wonderful adult daughter and have had a long marriage. So this is the end of my story.

As for the OP, she told him there was no spark with him and he also had anger issues. This is why she left, whether she lied or not, he still needs to accept it and move on. It does no good to dwell on such things. It only makes you angry and you cannot see the things you need to see and you cannot move forward.

You are still in pain yourself and are reliving your incident through his. Don't get it twisted. Perhaps you need to move on as well.

What happened to me changed my rationale of things, I have to admit that. I think I am almost finished by moving on, but I'm putting a ban on myself for looking for any girls. I've lost weight so my attractiveness has gone up but I want to heal completely before I would start dating again. Again I am sorry if I offended you I'm just trying to see some reasons in all this.

One of his thread specified that she lied to him. To me this is quite grave and it shows how weak she really is. My ex did the same thing and she cheated on me WHILE we were together. I find it quite hard and disturbing when people tell me it wasn't her fault or she was only wrong. When people tell me that it seems that cheating isn't as grave as it should be. This is why there should be NC at all and no "IFs" about if she would call or not.

The sooner you understand that YOU don't want her back (AKeagle) the better you will feel. And you shouldn't want her back for tons of reasons.

Some, take longer than others, to heal. Its very hard to heal, and its only been a bit more than a month, that a 4 year relationship ended. Healing is a process that takes time.

I will be back on in a couple of days, going to enjoy myself while I'm out for the weekend. Thanks all for the advice, even though it seems I'm dwelling on thing I do feel better everyday. I honestly can't help but smile and laugh at what is going on. But am hopefully for the future, I know I myself will be successful in the future by myself or with her. She woul just be a bonus. I know others will come and go also.

Thanks all

Enjoy your weekend!

day, I stopped keeping count

it was a good but bad vaca away from home. It was fun and exciting, met a lot of cool people, not just through my family, but random people at different places I ended up going to. It went bad cause of being along, though everyone I went down with was also. Though all and all, I had a good time, and have been talking to my cousin to see if I can go back to down soon.

as for my other cousin(marriage called off) I think he is coming around to realize she is probably not going to come back, which is helping my mood a lot. I have been trying to get him to work out with me daily, but he is stubborn in that way, so I usually end up working out alone, which is better for me, cause it is harder to get moving when you have to wait for someone else

Great dude! It's really great you are doing better, it helps me to help you lol. I would love to have the occasion to do some hiking also :s

Great dude! It's really great you are doing better, it helps me to help you lol. I would love to have the occasion to do some hiking also :s

Well if you lived around northern va there are plenty of good places.

Well I'm thinking about breaking down and reading that message she wrote me on my birthday. It would really help me get past everything if I was able to forget her smile and all our good times, cause they make me hold on. But at the same time I don't want to only remember the bad times and what is happening right now, cause I will still hold on, but worse I will just become angry. For some stupid reason, I want her to contact, not to talk or anything, ignore all contact, but I would feel that by ignoring it I would at least have one point. Though all my points are starting to rack up in other areas, such as work, college, health, and money(I'm saving so much money, I never realized how much I really spent)

Any suggestions on that one?

Well, I think it's a normal process of healing up. We want to show them how great we are doing and put that in their face... but the thing is that we are doing all this for ourselves. Everything you have done is for yourself. At this stage, you are thinking less and less about her, you just need to let time do it's thing and you still need to do whatever you were doing to get better.
For myself, I do dwell from time to time on good and bad memories of my ex, but I think it's life she has been such a long part of my past that it is hard to dissociate myself from her completely. I guess on the long run when I will have completely healed I would just look back and think that all that was insignificant. Not forgetting the past completely, just not really caring about it.
I am also realizing how much I'm saving. I'm just realizing that I don't have to invite anybody for dinner, I just need to pay for myself. It's a great feeling! I'm starting to see all the advantages to being single an there is so much more opportunities that is opening to me. I guess you are starting to see the same thing as I do now.

Well, I think it's a normal process of healing up. We want to show them how great we are doing and put that in their face... but the thing is that we are doing all this for ourselves. Everything you have done is for yourself. At this stage, you are thinking less and less about her, you just need to let time do it's thing and you still need to do whatever you were doing to get better.
For myself, I do dwell from time to time on good and bad memories of my ex, but I think it's life she has been such a long part of my past that it is hard to dissociate myself from her completely. I guess on the long run when I will have completely healed I would just look back and think that all that was insignificant. Not forgetting the past completely, just not really caring about it.
I am also realizing how much I'm saving. I'm just realizing that I don't have to invite anybody for dinner, I just need to pay for myself. It's a great feeling! I'm starting to see all the advantages to being single an there is so much more opportunities that is opening to me. I guess you are starting to see the same thing as I do now.

Think I should break down and read the message she sent me, I only read the header. There might not even be anything else to read.

I don't want to think this part of my life is insignificant, but I don't want to hold on or get mad about it

think i should break down and read the message she sent me, i only read the header. there might not even be anything else to read.

i don't want to think this part of my life is insignificant, but i don't want to hold on or get mad about it

Well, I am not 100% sure about what to do with that. On the one hand it may hurt you but on the other hand, you are just too curious to do it. I guess go for it but just be ready to do some healing and do NOT let her string you or let her control you. Before you do anything harsh think a lot about your actions.

Well, I am not 100% sure about what to do with that. On the one hand it may hurt you but on the other hand, you are just too curious to do it. I guess go for it but just be ready to do some healing and do NOT let her string you or let her control you. Before you do anything harsh think a lot about your actions.

I'm going to let it sit. Good things comes to those that wait

i'm gonna let it sit. good things comes to those that wait

Good idea! Take care of yourself, but if you are in this mindset, just delete it, you'll feel better after a while.

I feel unable to really be happy and able to move on, until she contacts me in some sort of way

Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-broke-up-moved-out-how-fix-relationship-365253-36.html#post1839716)
think i should break down and read the message she sent me, i only read the header. there might not even be anything else to read.

i don't want to think this part of my life is insignificant, but i don't want to hold on or get mad about it

Have you deleted it yet?? Why not??

I feel unable to really be happy and able to move on, until she contacts me in some sort of way
Don't lie to yourself. Of course you can be happy, and move on whether she contacts you or not. If you wanted to that is.

Have you deleted it yet??? Why not???

Don't lie to yourself. Of course you can be happy, and move on whether she contacts you or not. If you wanted to that is.

All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

Nope, this just shows that you are still hanging on to her. Just delete everything from her. You won't move if she contacts you or if you are thinking of her contacting you. Don't forget you are doing all this for yourself not to show her.

All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

You would not be able to move on because she contacted you by wishing you a Happy Birthday and you still can't move on. You don't really want to.
When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll move on. You are still wanting to hang on to false hope.

You would not be able to move on because she contacted you by wishing you a Happy Birthday and you still can't move on. You don't really want to.
When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll move on. You are still wanting to hang on to false hope.

yesterday has passed, never said anything her about her birthday. Instead went out with one of my friends I hadn't seen I 2 years or so. And had been making plans to hangout with them. As for my ex well I don't know, there's not really anything new, except my friend telling me stuff from the past I never realized

and the happy birthday thing, isn't the way I wanted to be contacted, just something random. But there wouldn't be any contact cause I would not respond, answer, or stay around to see her

All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

That's all the contact you should need and I hope you read nothing else into it. That would be your mind working overtime on her.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.
No you couldn't, but its just the idea you could think she misses you, and maybe..! Forget that, move on regardless.

Thats all the contact you should need and I hope you read nothing else into it. That would be your mind working overtime on her.

No you couldn't, but its just the idea you could think she misses you, and maybe.......................!! Forget that, move on regardless.

Still is what I'm struggling with. I don't want to only remember the bad things that happened, such as this. Cause then all it does is make me angry and look back on what we could have changed.

But I don't want to look back on the goods and see this other guy in my place.

But I don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life

.

but i don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life



Then you will never heal, and then why are you asking for advice when you want to just simply sit and wither away. Feeling sorry for yourself.

While your moping your life is passing you by, if you did nothing wrong then why are you punishing yourself for being a good man.

Please get those tears out, so they can clean your eyes so you can see this as a blessing.

(reality slap))

Some women just need to meet bad men, so they can learn to appreciate the good ones.


"Accepting that things happen in life is a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring and growing up. Make a note of it, and continue to move forward.

still is what i'm struggling with. i don't want to only remember the bad things that happened, such as this. cause then all it does is make me angry and look back on what we could have changed.

but i don't want to look back on the goods and see this other guy in my place.

but i don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life

It's understandable that you don't want to remember all the bad things, and that you want to remember some good things of her. Though, the thing is by that time now, remembering her should cross your mind less often. Ex girlfriend has been part of a good part of our lives, and this is why the healing process is never easy. At least you are not clinging to false hope.

It hasn't been that long, but there will be a time you will go back and feel nothing. It does take time. 3 month later I still haven't gotten to that place, but as days goes by, I'm getting and better and so should you.

Then you will never heal, and then why are you asking for advice when you want to just simply sit and wither away. Feeling sorry for yourself.

While your moping your life is passing you by, if you did nothing wrong then why are you punishing yourself for being a good man.

Please get those tears out, so they can clean your eyes so you can see this as a blessing.

(reality slap))

Some women just need to meet bad men, so they can learn to appreciate the good ones.


"Accepting that things happen in life is a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring and growing up. Make a note of it, and continue to move forward.

I don't know that I would say this guy is a bad man, but I don't really know who he is. But I do know a lot of women who seem to only go to guys that are losers and/or have problems in there lives. They aren't able to keep themselves together. Is it just the fact of being needed or acting like a mother figure to someone that attracts them.

I know I'm going through stuff right now, but I don't feel that I am able to live and get through the problems. But all and all I know I'm going through a rough patch

It's understandable that you don't want to remember all the bad things, and that you want to remember some good things of her. Though, the thing is by that time now, remembering her should cross your mind less often. Ex girlfriend has been part of a good part of our lives, and this is why the healing process is never easy. At least you are not clinging to false hope.

It hasn't been that long, but there will be a time you will go back and feel nothing. It does take time. 3 month later I still haven't gotten to that place, but as days goes by, I'm getting and better and so should you.

I know I'm still clinging onto some false hope. For example, I would really like for her to send me the money that she owes me. Cause now I can't afford it without her, and would have never went into it by myself. I would really like for her to send me the necklace I gave her 4 years ago (my mother bought it for me when I was 12, I gave it her, and a turtle charm, cause that's why I called her "my baby turtle", but I can't bring myself to tell my mother I don't have it anymore)

i know i'm still clinging onto some false hope. for example, i would really like for her to send me the money that she owes me. cause now i can't afford it without her, and would have never went into it by myself. i would really like for her to send me the necklace i gave her 4 years ago (my mother bought it for me when i was 12, i gave it her, and a turtle charm, cause thats why i called her "my baby turtle", but i can't bring myself to tell my mother i don't have it anymore)

That is also understandable. I offered an iPod touch and a beautiful coat, but I offered her those gifts at the time I loved her and we were together. Now I would like to have them back but I can't and this is how life goes. Have you started looking for a new place, near your work? This should help you move on and save you money. As this is a personal gift from you mum, in a very very very long future you may talk to her briefly about it and explain how this is part of the family treasure and is very important to you and your mum, and she will probably give it back to you if you ask gently.

It is time to let go of hope and move forward. Slap yourself if you need it, but SHE IS NOT COMING BACK. This is what you need to put in your brain. You need acceptance of her not coming back. Don't forget that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

That is also understandable. I offered an ipod touch and a beautiful coat, but I offered her those gifts at the time I loved her and we were together. Now I would like to have them back but I can't and this is how life goes. Have you started looking for a new place, near your work? This should help you move on and save you money. As this is a personal gift from you mum, in a very very very long future you may talk to her briefly about it and explain how this is part of the family treasure and is very important to you and your mum, and she will probably give it back to you if you ask gently.

It is time to let go of hope and move forward. Slap yourself if you need it, but SHE IS NOT COMING BACK. This is what you need to put in your brain. You need acceptance of her not coming back. Don't forget that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Well I don't want the gifts I gave her back, like camera, watch, bracelet, suits, ticket to NYC. I just want the one thing that means something to my family. I don't want the gifts that she took from me, chain(which I paid more than 50 percent), there's a lot of other small things there. But wow, I just realized she never really got me things. Heck our 4 yr she didn't get me anything, not that gifts are important, but we have always.

She told me she would give the necklace back

well i don't want the gifts i gave her back, like camera, watch, bracelet, suits, ticket to NYC. i just want the one thing that means something to my family. i don't want the gifts that she took from me, chain(which i paid more than 50 percent), theres alot of other small things there. but wow, i just realized she never really got me things. heck our 4 yr she didn't get me anything, not that gifts are important, but we have always.

she told me she would give the necklace back

Lol, that's how life goes, I bought also the majority of things and I paid almost every time we went out. It seems that even during those times of gender equality, women have more equality than men lol. At least you know you will receive the necklace. Time to move on now don't you think ;) ? Don't cling to false hope, healing a long term first relationship is tough but we all are doing it.

Lol, that's how life goes, I bought also the majority of things and I paid almost everytime we went out. It seems that even during those times of gender equality, women have more equality than men lol. At least you know you will receive the necklace. Time to move on now don't you think ;) ? Don't cling to false hope, healing a long term first relationship is tough but we all are doing it.

Really I don't think I will, she told me that over a month ago. Since then I have sent the last of her stuff to her. She is just avoiding it. I don't know why she wants it, all it will do is sit in a box

she told me she would give the necklace back
Your getting good at making excuses to sit on the pity pot and not heal.

The necklace is not going anywhere and neither are you.

Heal, and I bet the necklace thing works itself out.

Do something good for yourself, or else drown in your own shat.

A bit harsh but right. As hard as it is, you should only concentrate on healing. Don't think of contacting her. Beside be patient it will come back

Dude, you are still on this! Forget about the necklace, you've learned a valuable lesson this time.

Rome's Rule: Never give a woman a family artifact unless you are married

You are looking for every reason to sit around and wait for her.

Here puppy, here's another bone while I go play the field of guys.

i know i'm still clinging onto some false hope. for example, i would really like for her to send me the money that she owes me. cause now i can't afford it without her, and would have never went into it by myself. i would really like for her to send me the necklace i gave her 4 years ago (my mother bought it for me when i was 12, i gave it her, and a turtle charm, cause thats why i called her "my baby turtle", but i can't bring myself to tell my mother i don't have it anymore)
You gave her something 4 years ago and now you want it back, (If it was that important you would have asked for it right away) now she owes you money, I would imagine next week you will think of another reason you need to talk to talk to her or another reason to keep the door open. You're not ready to give up and until you are you will not get over this.

Put it this way bro, here's a list of crap my ex "owes" me

- $300 for school books that she "promised" to pay back

- countless cds she wanted to "borrow"

- A few EXPENSIVE computer programs

- I left a few movies over her house

- Jewelry she only "borrowed" from me(necklaces)

Never saw ANY of it again, and after we broke up, after a week of making excuses to text her about it. I wrote all of that stuff off

You gave her something 4 years ago and now you want it back, (If it was that important you would have asked for it right away) now she owes you money, I would imagine next week you will think of another reason you need to talk to talk to her or another reason to keep the door open. You're not ready to give up and until you are you will not get over this.

I did ask for it back right away. I'm not coming up with reasons to leave the door open, those things are what I want her to give back, but it's been over a month, I doubt I'll see them.

Put it this way bro, here's a list of crap my ex "owes" me

- $300 for school books that she "promised" to pay back

- countless cds she wanted to "borrow"

- A few EXPENSIVE computer programs

- I left a few movies over her house

- Jewelry she only "borrowed" from me(necklaces)

Never saw ANY of it again, and after we broke up, after a week of making excuses to text her about it. I wrote all of that stuff off

Rome, I listened to the song linked in your signature. Its my new favorite.

I keep going through my house looking for things that I need at that point, and I think she walked out with more than I thought. Lol. I also found out that she had been pushing away some of my friends, kind of annoyed to hear that at this point, cause I wouldn't have let that happened, I had thought that they just had their own stuff going on.

Rome, i listened to the song linked in your signature. its my new favorite.

i keep going thru my house looking for things that i need at that point, and i think she walked out with more than i thought. lol. i also found out that she had been pushing away some of my friends, kinda annoyed to hear that at this point, cause i wouldn't have let that happened, i had thought that they just had their own stuff going on.

If they are really your friend they will stick around. It only shows you what type of person she is. You're doing fine, keep doing whatever you're doing and stop thinking about her. It's not healthy. If begin thinking about her, start thinking about something else that you really enjoy.

They left, cause she got mad at them, and saw I was happy with her, so they never came to me and told me about what happened. And they are here for me now. When I think about her I get mad, just cause some of the things she walked out with I didn't realize till now. Like the other day I was going out to shoot pool with a friends, so I went looking for my cue sticks (I had 3, 1 she paid for) and I couldn't find any of them, she doesn't even play pool, lol. Whatever, I'm going to see someone later today to see how much I can buy a new one for. But come on, you know.

Like I said it shows her character and you should be happy she's not in your life. By the way have you found another apartment yet?

Not yet, I have talked to some people, but nothing has been signed. I'm not sure if I'm going to move, cause I have a bowflex at this place, and I doubt I could take it with me. My current room mates wouldn't care if I left it there, and kept a key to come by and use it. But I also signed a lease till the end of January, so I wouldn't walk out until they find someone else to take my place. Other than the price, I like where I live, so I got to see what I can do at work, and where else to cut costs.

Come on, doesn't anyone see the funny side of this?

Nope, not at all...

Nope, not at all...

Well I find it funny how she had the nerve to walk out with those pointless items, and how I had know idea for 4 weeks. Oh well.

Still been staying with no contact, though I think I might be having to go around where she hangs out all the time, her parents house which is next to our old high school, I talked to my old coach the other day, and he has been doing summer practices for all ages and has tournaments going on all the time, so I'm considering jumping into that.

I decide to just throw those letters she gave me before, instead of putting them away

Don't dwell on those things, on what she did or did not take. She obviously forgot about you time to do the same thing for her. Also if there is a high chance of you meeting her don't go to that place. I fear it's only an excuse to see her. Throw everything that you have of her if you can.

OK, have talked to a couple people to see what they say.

They suggest I sent her a text, cause I know she won't answer a phone call, telling her my mother is asking where the necklace she gave me is. Then also bring up the fact that I'm missing my pool cue (she had to have taken it). Then get those items from her

No! I strongly suggest you don't do that. If you need to contact her whatsoever ask one of your friend to do it for you, and that they get the necklaces for you. Also, tell them not to ask any question about her and that they don't give you any information. Don't break NC! Sometimes it is also important to let go sometimes of possessions.

Maybe I should put a kick me sign on my back

I can't even think of someone that I would want to contact her to get the stuff

I think its over man. It seems pretty clear to me. Keep doing no contact and let your heart heal. Don't wait for her and do this for yourself because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are and it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.

Update

Sent her a text yesterday saying I would be coming by to pick up the necklace my mother gave me, and also the pool cues I bought, she can have the rest(1400, and what not). No response. Had a friend check the number to make sure it was still hers, it was. Called her left a VM, then texted her about it. Then called her parents house, and talked to her mother, listing the items I would be picking up around 8 tonight, and what not. Told her I would like the money she promised me she said no, then told me I owed her daughter money, for some stuff. I told her that I had offered it back and that she said no.

So hopefully this goes smoothly, I just want to be handed the stuff and walk away, don't need a conversation or anything else. I am tired of being treated like I'm the bad person, when I'm not. I have given her all the things she asked for, and she took more, that I am now finding out about now. I didn't cheat on her, and I'm tired of people thinking that what she did to me was appropriate, "true love" or not.

I know I need healing, but I'm done being the nice guy. I am upset about this, but am focused.

You have made a decision, stick to it, and follow through!

I can respect a guy, who is willing to stand for himself, and do what he has to do.

You have made a decision, stick to it, and follow thru!

I can respect a guy, who is willing to stand for himself, and do what he has to do.

Well if she refuses, I don't know how much more I'm going to be able to follow through. But hopefully she and her family will stop acting like I'm the bad guy. When no matter what happened I made sure we were good.

This has taught me valuable lesson's:
-no joint bank account till marriage, and even then there should be kids and or a house payment.
-never move have a girlfriend move in, until engaged, but be careful there also.
-never do things bases on emotion, such as paying bills for the other, and sacrificing my relationship with my family and friends, and my grades. Not when she isn't doing the same.
-be there next time the girl is moving out, they have sticky hands and will take what isn't theirs, it will be painful to get it back

That said, I deserve better than this, even if the next serious relationship ends, I would prefer someone who is mature, and someone who I willing to walk away clean, not to another guy.

Also eating great, lifting everyday (though I messed up both my shoulders), and taking time to myself, like hiking and running, sleeping well, but sometimes too much cause of sleep deprivation, also hanging out with my cousin(he's not talking about his thing that much, might be moving in with him, cause he's looking at buying a house), and have been reconnecting to a lot of my old friends

Thought:

Think I should take someone with me, so nothing is started (nothing physical) but her family gets pretty childish with stuff. Not saying that someone else there would stop that, but would limit it or keep everyone civil

I would bring a friend along, this way if something does happen, you have a witness. That's how I have always done it when dealing with immature people.

I would bring a friend along, this way if something does happen, you have a witness. That's how I have always done it when dealing with immature people.

Rome, first off what is the name of that band?

Yeah I'm trying to get a witness, but I think I'm going solo. People are busy, and my cousin (well I don't know what his reason is), oh well. I know one person that will go, but don't want them to, cause stuff will get started

If it's the link in my signature, it's Closed Heart Surgery. You can find them on Myspace Music.

Go alone and be very formal. Just take it and leave. If they say they don't have it or something else, don't panic and just leave, there is too much tension yet. If they say they don't have it, just tell them it's something that is important to your family and you would really like it to have it back.

There is many things to learn especially from the first break up and a lot of the things are learned are similar to yours:
1. Don't make your girlfriend a priority in life
2. Take care of yourself and don't be dependent on someone else for your own happiness.
3. Don't lose friends for your girlfriend

There is many advantages for break ups, I'm just starting to see it now.

Go alone and be very formal. Just take it and leave. If they say they don't have it or something else, don't panic and just leave, there is too much tension yet. If they say they don't have it, just tell them it's something that is important to your family and you would really like it to have it back.

There is many things to learn especially from the first break up and a lot of the things are learned are similar to yours:
1. Don't make your girlfriend a priority in life
2. Take care of yourself and don't be dependent on someone else for your own happiness.
3. Don't lose friends for your gf

There is many advantages for break ups, I'm just starting to see it now.

When I talked to her mther, she said that shouldn't be a problem. I don't want conferntation, just my stuff. I don't even want to talk to them. Just is this everything. Thank you and have a nice day. I don't need to sink to their level, but also don't deserve being walked on

If it's the link in my signature, it's Closed Heart Surgery. You can find them on Myspace Music.

Hat if she tries to talk to me?

Tell her you have someplace to be

Tell her you have someplace to be

Well that didn't go so smoothly. She is not who I feel in love with. Her brother want to fight me. That god I got out

Eh, boys fight, men walk away with their heads held high smiling at the immaturity of others.

Since I have turned 18, I have been in a fist fight one time, and that was protecting my little brother

Her moter wanted to argue about money, told her if she would like to talk about it we can go to court. I got the things I asked for, but am still being majorly mischanged for it. Her boyfriend was there and just stared, grow up and back off.

It breaks my heart to see her go so wrong. She is a kind hearted person, at least when we were together. All she is now is spitful to me. Doesn't she know she walked out

It's her own fault. My ex is also turning into the wrong direction ( starting smoking, alcohol consumption increased... ) but you know what, they get worse and we get better, this is our ( own ) revenge to them and it goes as far as that. Was she there? Seriously, life is much better without them exes. If it makes you feel better, she is probably not feeling that great herself and is using you as a scapegoat.

It's her own fault. My ex is also turning into the wrong direction ( starting smoking, alcohol consumption increased... ) but you know what, they get worse and we get better, this is our ( own ) revenge to them and it goes as far as that. Was she there? Seriously, life is much better without them exes. If it makes you feel better, she is probably not feeling that great herself and is using you as a scapegoat.

Yeah she was there, probably to see how much she affected. I stood straight(can't help it after lifting), was confident in myself, and was calm. It bad to know she'll go downhill. I loved all the good memory's but all I'm seeing is how much time I have wasted with this break up, she see the goods in time

Yeah she was there, probably to see how much she affected. I stood straight(can't help it after lifting), was confident in my self, and was calm. It bad to know she'll go downhill. I loved all the good memory's but all I'm seeing is how much time I have wasted with this break up, she see the goods in time

It's great to see a man stand for himself. Don't dwell on memories, you'll create new ones much better. Also you have to learn to not care about her. It's not something cold, but it would just show she doesn't affect you. This takes time but it will come a day when you will hear about her and you won't give a real damn. You're doing great, keep doing what you're doing!

It's great to see a man stand for himself. Don't dwell on memories, you'll create new ones much better. Also you have to learn to not care about her. It's not something cold, but it would just show she doesn't affect you. This takes time but it will come a day when you will hear about her and you won't give a real damn. You're doing great, keep doing what you're doing!!

I believe that is why she was there, cause it was her parents house, which is not where she lives, but is where the stuff was. And she didn't get that. I hate her boyfriend, all he did was stay inside and stare, heck he could have shocked me by coming out and introduce himself. I would have dropped to the ground.

Good show. Put a period. Retrain yourself now. WHen you think of her name, do something... for me it is say a hail mary... but I am catholic. But you can think of something. When you think of her, think of a happy thought from childhood and make a rule you can not think of the same thought twice. The harder and more time you focus on something different the less you will think of her. I think you are ready for a little retraining.

Really, I am glad you got your stuff and now no matter what else you find missing, put a period at this end and move on!!

WE are all with you!!

Update from Thursday through Saturday

Well as I posted before Thursday didn't go but so smoothly. But I kept by my word, don't say her name, stand straight, be respectful, don't get mad. I showed up on time, she showed me to her car to collect the items, had to talk her into giving me one of them, which caused the brother to come out and want to fight/kill me, didn't move, stood strong, he never made it all the way to me either way. At that moment I knew I was way better off without her with me. The grandmother brought up the relationship saying it just didn't work out, I held my tongue from telling her my point of view. (I understand the saying of blood is thicker than water, but that don't mean that you should treat others like crap) which is how I felt, every time I looked at one of them, or they opened their mouth. At the end they asked if there was anything else she owed me, I said the chain or the money I paid for the chain, they said no (the new boyfriend is now wearing it), I also asked for the money she owed me for rent, and they said cause it was a verbal agreement I wasn't going to get any, (honor and trust mean nothing in this day and age I guess). Then they asked me for money for so things she bought for me, (maybe I should have asked for all the money for the gifts that she kept that I gave her) I told them if they feel I owe them money, to have a lawyer call me. As I look back at the way she acted, and that it had to come to me contacting her to get my stuff back, I know that was exactly what she wanted, but she didn't get the satisfaction of getting to me. She tried to give me back some things I didn't ask for, but I denied them, cause I knew the reasoning behind them. I feel that she hates me, but don't understand why……

After that, I felt like I had taken 60 steps forward.

Saturday, I got up early to go to church for the town food drive, my sister helps with it. I thought it was at her church, but only to find out, just before heading there, it was at her grandmothers church. Sadly to say I bumped into her there, and she came up to me and my sister to say hi, I acted respectful even though I feel very bitter about what happened. Didn't talk about anything that related to my ex and I. After the food drive was over, I walked over to her, said “mrs. ----, thank you for helping out at the food drive, we are leaving, hope that you have a good day.” She said the same. Then the part that gets to me, she hugs my little sister, and places her hand on my back as she use to when I was always around. I use to go over to visit her grandparents without her, and we got along great, but I feel very hurt, being treated like crap over this, then two days later, being treated well.

Well done. Keep moving forward.

Well done. Keep moving forward.

Wondering what others think, I know I broke NC, but does it really count when the purpose of it was to progress and is what was accomplished?

Though it probably doesn't matter, cause I lost count from the previous one

Eventually a lot of us break NC, only to find out that we are better off without them in our lives.

I think you did great, it's a true mark of how far you have come. Go back to page 1 and read your whole story, see how far you have come

wondering what others think, i know i broke NC, but does it really count when the purpose of it was to progress and is what was accomplished?

though it probably doesn't matter, cause i lost count from the previous one
You think too much.
You got your stuff back, now move on.

well its been over a week since my last post

everything seems to be doing great. Finally been able to get my head straight at work for the last week. Haven't had any contact, but haven't expected any either, nor have I been sitting around. Though I never plan anything, except work and lifting, I always seem to be getting into things, like going out last minute with a friend, randomly leaving town for the weekend and visit friends/family that live a couple states away. Also been helping out my family and grandparents as much a possible.

I did wake up one morning awhile back and smiled cause I realized I was single, get to go out when ever, stay out till whenever (as long as I still get up for work the next day), and I don't need to worry about working my things into someone else schedule.

the one thing I need help with though, which I think time is really the only thing. Is I keep having random dream with her in them. They don't happen all the time, just every once and awhile. They don't really affect me once I wake up, but I do sit there an ask myself, "why did i have that dream?"

She is still in your heart and mind, it's normal. You will have them for a while.
You are doing great.

Yea, you're not alone in this. I am starting to have no dreams about her actually and I don't get worked out when I think or hear about her ( my ex ). You're doing great. Keep taking care of yourself. I think you are starting to realize the advantages of being single as I said before. You can even start long term plans for yourself ( moving somewhere else to get more life and work experience ).

anyone here ever had a feeling that something was going to happen? Good or bad, it just seemed that something was going on, and you're the only one not seeing it.

I have had 2 people contact me recently, one on FB as a friend request, lost since I have known her for 8 years, but never really were friends, plus her brother and I almost got into a fight at one point. But either way we were never friends

the second person is a old co worker of her's that I have met and we use to always go out with him and his girlfriend, but him and I have since lost contact after everything happened. Out of the blue sends me a message saying "hey whats up? what have you been up to?" I write back of course and say everything is going good, been busy though with work and traveling, and what not.(def, said too much of my business) but as the conversation goes on he asks me the question again like he is fishing for something. Anyhow he later talked to me about coming out to this bar that does happy hour, which I use to go to when we were together. But I told him yes and left it at that, but I don't think I'll end up going. It all just seems way to random. I'm not worried about something being started, but I want him to become the person that goes back and tells her what I'm up to, but at the same time I don't want to be a jerk to people, it would be nice to have other people to hang out with.

not really worried about what to do, just pretty much sit on it

Don't even go there.
It could be random, but stop thinking that way. If she does not get in touch with you on her on, what good is that!

This sounds like me and my husband to a "T" and let me tell you. Your heart is never wrong. Sometimes we get heartbreaks but, your heart is the one that tells you "this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with". I remember fights about marriage and anger issues, and the same responses too. I did break up with him once over everything. Then I treated him like crap, I was hurting and didn't know how to express it. When I saw how much he was hurting I realized he did love me we talked and got back together and that christmas I got engaged waited till he finished school and I planned our wedding and now here we are. We didn't communicate and which we are learning to do still as a couple and we have been together for 6yrs. She sounds like she is ready for a commitment, you may not want to take a step in yet if that is so then you need to let her go. For the anger my husband has anger that is explosive but is from holding things in sometimes or tking a bad day out on me, anger is always needs to managed because even if you don't get physical you might get scarry! She might be waiting for you to fight for her did you try stopping her when she picked up her clothes?

This sounds like me and my husband to a "T" and let me tell you. Your heart is never wrong. sometimes we get heartbreaks but, your heart is the one that tells you "this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with". I remember fights about marriage and anger issues, and the same responses too. I did break up with him once over everything. Then I treated him like crap, I was hurting and didn't know how to express it. When I saw how much he was hurting I realized he did love me we talked and got back together and that christmas I got engaged waited till he finished school and I planned our wedding and now here we are. We didn't communicate and which we are learning to do still as a couple and we have been together for 6yrs. She sounds like she is ready for a commitment, you may not want to take a step in yet if that is so then you need to let her go. For the anger my husband has anger that is explosive but is from holding things in sometimes or tking a bad day out on me, anger is always needs to managed because even if you don't get physical you might get scarry!! She might be waiting for you to fight for her did you try stopping her when she picked up her clothes?

I don't want to seem rude, but what are you talking about? Let me give you some rational explanations of what the "heart" is: The human brain is basically divided into three main parts, the reptilian, the mammal and the human brain. The mammal brain is where the "heart" is situated and it deals with emotions. The human brain is situated in the front cortex and this is the one we use to make rational and logical decisions, which it seems you are not using. If you want to get hurt all your life and not use your brain, then listen to your heart.

This sounds like me and my husband to a "T" and let me tell you. Your heart is never wrong. sometimes we get heartbreaks but, your heart is the one that tells you "this person is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with". I remember fights about marriage and anger issues, and the same responses too. I did break up with him once over everything. Then I treated him like crap, I was hurting and didn't know how to express it. When I saw how much he was hurting I realized he did love me we talked and got back together and that christmas I got engaged waited till he finished school and I planned our wedding and now here we are. We didn't communicate and which we are learning to do still as a couple and we have been together for 6yrs. She sounds like she is ready for a commitment, you may not want to take a step in yet if that is so then you need to let her go. For the anger my husband has anger that is explosive but is from holding things in sometimes or tking a bad day out on me, anger is always needs to managed because even if you don't get physical you might get scarry!! She might be waiting for you to fight for her did you try stopping her when she picked up her clothes?

I did try to stop her when she came to get her stuff, from day one till the day she got her last stuff, but it doesn't change the fact that she was with another guy SIX HOURS after leaving me. There are probably a lot of things I could do to show her I'm serious about being with her, but not with this other guy in the picture. And since I don't speak to her or go around where she is, or talk to any of her friends, I wouldn't even know what is going on with her.

I can't do anything else. But I'll be moving offices soon, and moving houses soon, and my boss says that he needs to get me a company phone, so as I progress in life, all ties to me are being cut, only one will remain (for a long time), which is she knows where my parents live, but I rarely go home.

As for my anger, everyone has it, and just like your husband, I do also hold stuff in, but that is my family back ground. But for the last 6 weeks my anger has been dropping like the stock market a couple months ago. I do not go a day without working out for at least an hour( which greatly reduces all the stress I have, and I feel a lot better doing that before going out for the night), and I have been accepting a lot more of a work load at work. Other than that, I am always moving.

So I don't know what you mean by she is waiting for me to fight for her... If that's is what she wants or wanted, she sure didn't show it, by getting her entire family to treat me like sh*t, or walking out with things that weren't hers and that she didn't want, but only wanted them to be able to hurt me. Or getting another guy right away, or going on vacation with the guy, or (the list can keep going, most of it is in the previous posts)

If you have an idea of how to fix this, I'm all eyes...

There's only one way to "fix" this and it is to continue what you were doing. Don't listen to her, it doesn't make any sense.

There's only one way to "fix" this and it is to continue what you were doing. Don't listen to her, it doesn't make any sense.

Paxe,

I agree and disagree, there is always something more to be done.

I am choosing to do what I'm doing, cause; 1) its easier on my heart and the affect on my life, 2) I'm not willing at this point to fight for someone who treats me like crap, when yes I made mistakes, but I didn't deserve how things have been handled.

As for ginger's comment "she sounds like she's ready for a commitment" I don't know how that has been interpreted from how she has acted towards me

Well now I'm having a point of weakness, and want to get in contact with her. I have no idea what would happen or be said, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way, why now?

A friend of mine is going through a break up (3 months) and is acting like this is the end, I told her to calm down and let this calm down, and not to worry. She look at me and said "you know that if your ex came back with her bags packed and crying, cause she wanted to be with you or cause of something this guy did to her, you know you would try to get back at the guy"

I was shocked. I really didn't have a good answer to that. My first response was, "why would you think i would let her into my life that easily, after all she has done to me?" she never gave me a straight answer.

I don't want to be taking steps backwards, its just with being around all these people that are going through relationship problems and are always turning to me about them, just keeps stopping me in my tracks. Especially when I look at the small stuff they are going through and are acting as if life will never go on

As for ginger's comment "she sounds like she's ready for a commitment" I don't know how that has been interpreted from how she has acted toward me

Sometimes people don't read the whole story and only respond to the original posting. Especially on the longer threads.


Well now I'm having a point of weakness, and want to get in contact with her. I have no idea what would happen or be said, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way, why now?


Like you said a moment of weakness, probably triggered by the talks with others having problems. If you have no good advice say so honestly and stick with your own NO CONTACT, and that weak moment will pass.

Well now i'm having a point of weakness, and want to get in contact with her. I have no idea what would happen or be said, but idk why i'm feeling this way, why now?

a friend of mine is going thru a break up (3 months) and is acting like this is the end, i told her to calm down and let this calm down, and not to worry. she look at me and said "you know that if your ex came back with her bags packed and crying, cause she wanted to be with you or cause of something this guy did to her, you know you would try to get back at the guy"

i was shocked. I really didn't have a good answer to that. My first response was, "why would you think i would let her into my life that easily, after all she has done to me?" she never gave me a straight answer.

I don't want to be taking steps backwards, its just with being around all these people that are going thru relationship problems and are always turning to me about them, just keeps stopping me in my tracks. especially when i look at the small stuff they are going thru and are acting as if life will never go on

This moment of weakness is normal. We all pass trough it, hell I always have from time to time moment of weakness but it fades away as time pass by. This is the time to stick hard to NC. Your head knows that you shouldn't talk to her or even want her back for that matter. If you are feeling a moment of weakness do something else, do more sport, put the music loud, go out with friends, go and flirt a little with girls... but don't break your NC. Remember she is out of your life and it is for the best, and you said it yourself. If you want to see if life does go on after break up, go this thread it's mine:

www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/bit-hope-people-going-through-break-up-381806.html

This moment of weakness is normal. We all pass trough it, hell I always have from time to time moment of weakness but it fades away as time pass by. This is the time to stick hard to NC. Your head knows that you shouldn't talk to her or even want her back for that matter. If you are feeling a moment of weakness do something else, do more sport, put the music loud, go out with friends, go and flirt a little with girls... but don't break your NC. Remember she is out of your life and it is for the best, and you said it yourself. If you want to see if life does go on after break up, go this thread it's mine:

www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/bit-hope-people-going-through-break-up-381806.html

Well last night was awesome, I ended up going into DC for a political thing, which was more like a bunch of people meeting up and having drinks. Shock part of the evening, I have been riding and competing in the equestrian field for about 13 years, and at the event last night I bumped into someone I hadn't seen in 9 years (wow has she grown up :D ) we talked for awhile and caught up on our pasts, it was great. There is another event this Wednesday, so I'm going to go to that in hopes to see her.

Its crazy though, since my ex left I can't stop bumping into people from my past, that I haven't seen in years

Well there you go. Next time ask for her phone number, it should be easy since you've known each other.

Well there you go. Next time ask for her phone number, it should be easy since you've known each other.

Yeah I met this girl last night, that kept pushing me to go get this chicks that into me, my thing is I just love flirting with them. But I know I already had an in with this girl, I should have got the number. I think she was expecting me to try and get hers, cause after we went back to talking to our friends, she just kept making glances over at me. Oh well...

I doubt last night is that last I'll see of her

You mean there are other females out there besides your ex?? Who would have thunk it!! :eek:

You mean there are other females out there besides your ex??? Who would have thunk it!!!:eek:

It is funny, I also never figured that out!

You mean there are other females out there besides your ex??? Who would have thunk it!!!:eek:

Lol, thanks.

I know there are other females out there, I'm just not one to pick up random woman. Though I think I'm starting to piss some of them off, cause I'll be at a place for over an hour flirting with them, and at then end I say, " it was great to meet all of you, have a good night. Hope to see you again" smile and leave.

Always have a chance at a number, but it's so much fun to just flirt. But I need to stop dissappointing appointing all these dolled up women, lol

Akeagle, sounds like your heading in the right direction. She has moved on, and is seeing someone else. Nothing right now you can do about it to change things. Usually rebound relationships never work, very rarely. Give her the space she wants, and if its meant to be she will be in contact with you.. Work on yourself now and your anger issues. Good luck.

So I just got done having lunch with my cousin, while I wait for work to be completed on my car. I don't know what it is about me, but I have this bad habit of flirting with hostess. She was really cute, charming, and engaging. I walked out side for a phone call, and when I came back in she was just standing there, so I spent 5 minutes flirting with her, when customers would come in and she had to take of them, she would smile and say, " give me a minute I'll be right back" then would come back and pick up were we left off.

I finally went and sat back down with my cousin, and she kept glancing over at me while she was working. Also any time she would walk by, would smile and make a comment about what we were talking about earlier. I never asked for her number, but I am a little cocky, so I left her mine. :) while she was flirting with me, after my cousin walked away. Guess we'll see what happens

Ah! You have more balls than most guys I know (me included) and you're taking this NC in a good way. How the hell are you getting this confidence of yourself?

Question for the girls of the forum

If a guy is flirting with you for awhile are you disapointed if they do not ask for your number? How do you feel about a guy gives you his number?

I think by giving a girl a number, shows that your interested in them, but your not putting them on the spot with trying to get their number. Kind of switches things up, and puts less pressure on them

What does everyone thing?

Akeagle, sounds like your heading in the right direction. She has moved on, and is seeing someone else. Nothing right now you can do about it to change things. Usually rebound relationships never work, very rarely. Give her the space she wants, and if its meant to be she will be in contact with you.. Work on yourself now and your anger issues. Good luck.

Sully,

Some of my anger issues came fom my depression from what happened to me in the past. Though the more I look at how I am acting now ( very laid back, calm, collected, confident, and charming) it was her putting the stress on me. She would come home and complain about how the roommates were dirty or what not. I saw it upset her, so always tried to fix it, when I couldn't I would get upset. Anything someone made her feel bad, I would jump into protect mode, and do everything I could to make sure she would be OK, which caused mre stress on me.

Not anymore, I'm back to who I liked to be ( for the more part, but with a HEALING heart)

Question for the girls of the forum

If a guy is flirting with you for awhile are you disappointed if they do not ask for your number? How do you feel about a guy give you his number?

I think by giving a girl a number, shows that your interested in them, but your not putting them on the spot with trying to get their number. Kind of switches things up, and puts less pressure on them

What does everyone thing?
Just me, and speaking as a guy, I have never been in the habit of giving my phone number out. But after knowing a female a while then things change, and if you see she is interested by calling her, then we progress, to where ever it leads.

Trust me asking for a females number is a time honored method, and gives her the option of letting a guy into her world slowly, and at her pace. Most females deal with this very well, and there is no pressure on them. But be cautious on giving a female YOUR number, because as I said, until you know them better, there is no telling what they are about. Cute and friendly, and HOT, is not an indication of character, and integrity. Unfortunately.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. Blind, cripple, or crazy. You'll learn a lot, and have a great time.

You also will not be so quick to get carried away with your own feelings, or be blinded by attraction, or LUST, as easily. You also keep your options, and opportunities open, until your ready to make a decision, based on facts, and not just feelings, that your comfortable with.

We oft times meet people, and fall to deeply because of the intense feelings, and are not paying close enough attention to the things we learn about them over time. In going slow with eyes open, as well as mind, its easier to be objective and realistic, and not just emotional.



I'm back to who I liked to be ( for the more part, but with a HEALING heart)

That's a good way to be AK, which is why your moving down the road, instead of being stuck.

Just me, and speaking as a guy, I have never been in the habit of giving my phone number out. But after knowing a female a while then things change, and if you see she is interested by calling her, then we progress, to where ever it leads.

Trust me asking for a females number is a time honored method, and gives her the option of letting a guy into her world slowly, and at her pace. Most females deal with this very well, and there is no pressure on them. But be cautious on giving a female YOUR number, because as I said, until you know them better, there is no telling what they are about. Cute and friendly, and HOT, is not an indication of character, and integrity.

See I looked at it, that if I give her my number then she can let me in at her pace still. I have done that with more than one female, and it's wroked out pretty well. Haven't heard from her yet, but really wasn't expecting it this soon. This way she has no pressure and isn't waiting around for me to call her.

You suggest getting their number instead?

Sorry for the poor spelling earlier, I have been using my phone for posting

I guess it's a matter of style, and what works best for you.

So still no females have answered the question. Do you prefer a guy asking for your number, or him giving you his?

So still no females have answered the question. Do you prefer a guy asking for your number, or him giving you his?

I prefer him asking for mine. If I am interested, I will give it to him - and expect him to call me. I like a man to take the lead. If I'm not interested I won't give him my number; simple as that and then there's no game playing.

I prefer him asking for mine. If I am interested, I will give it to him - and expect him to call me. I like a man to take the lead. If I'm not interested I won't give him my number; simple as that and then there's no game playing.

Are you upset if he flirts and all with you, and doesn't ask for your number?

Are you upset if he flirts and all with you, and doesn't ask for your number?

I don't think I'd say 'upset'... maybe disappointed. But then again, it lets me know he wasn't really interested in getting to know me past that initial conversation. Maybe he's not looking for more and a simple, flirtatious conversation was all he needed at that moment.

I don't think I'd say 'upset'... maybe disappointed. But then again, it lets me know he wasn't really interested in getting to know me past that initial conversation. Maybe he's not looking for more and a simple, flirtatious conversation was all he needed at that moment.

Well now I don't want to be that guy. I have lots of openning to ask girls for their numbers, but I don't know.

I don't consider myself shy. I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone and find a common ground. I've made the first move before -asked for his number, or was the first one to call - but typically those relationship went no further.

I've felt better about things knowing he'd made the first move instead of being lazy waiting on me.

I don't consider myself shy. I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone and find a common ground. I've made the first move before -asked for his number, or was the first one to call - but typically those relationship went no further.

I've felt better about things knowing he'd made the first move instead of being lazy waiting on me.

Well I would never say that I'm lazy. But also I have given my number to my last two relationships, one lasted 6-8 months, the other 4 an q half years (current ex).

I also have no problem striking up a conversation with anyone. I went out last night with some friends, an they were all to shy to talk to her. Soi started to flirt with her, next thing you know had been standing the for 30 minutes talking about places she had been, and concerts that she liked.

Idk, I guess I'll start asking girls for the numbers. I have had a couple times where the girls seems to be waiting for just that, but I don't want to come on too strong

Well I say do what you're doing - talk to them. Make them comfortable around you. If you seem to take an interest in getting to know them, they're going to give you their number so you can talk more.

Girls don't like guys that come on too strong because it comes off as "running game", lol. It's always fishy and makes us wonder just how many girls you're saying the same things to. Conversation comes across as sincere and they will be more open with you if you take the time to talk and listen.

Second thought update

Nothing has changed on the ex side. But I have re thought about what I did when I gave that girl my number. Here's the problem, I was in the town where my ex's family is (its a small town, and news and names travel fast), but I also think I know her from somewhere in my past about a year and some back, I believe I met her at some event I went to, with my ex. I believe they both know each other. On the bright side she hasn't called me, so that might be a good sign.

I am now seeing how important it is to stay busy. Last night was the first night in about 6 weeks where I wasn't doing anything. I just came home and took care of stuff around the house, cause I had fallen behind with being busy all the time. But just taking care of stuff around the house with no one else there, felt really lonely, and she came to mind a couple of times. Each time I felt like I was getting upset about the situation, I would go and lift for 10 minutes, after awhile it stopped happening and I went and read for awhile and feel asleep.

On a some what positive note. I would like to thank everyone here for the help I have received so far. It has taught me a lot, not just about this situation, but also about looking at others situations and helping them. Recently one of my close friends has been going through the break up roller coast with her 3 month boyfriend, and she has been coming to me for advice. So I have been listening to her, and giving her points of view that she is ignoring, and I hope that I have lead her down the right path, though it is all up to her on how she handles it

Bad news update

There have been problems with my car, so I made arrangements to take it in this morning at 8AM. The person that was taking care of my car, was one of the girls that I had talked to before. Her and I flirt every time she calls me or I come in to get work done on my car. Anyhow, she was talking to me and I happened to turn my head and there is my ex. She is far away and can't see me. (I'm not ready to be around her, by just how I reacted when I saw her) I was talking back to the girl helping me, and then I lost focus and said something, "oh crap" I said it quietly, she asked me what was wrong and I tried my best to shrug it off and stay off that topic.

My heart dropped after we had finished talking, and recollected myself right away. There is no possible way I am ready to even bump into her on accident. One of two things would happen, I would be messed up for the rest of the day/week, or assuming this guy is with her, something would get started. Neither of those do I want.

Dude it happens. No worries. You handled it fine so just keep on keeping on. No harm no foul man! Happens to all of us at some time or another.

Yep, happened to me not so long ago, I bumped into my ex while she was with her new boyfriend... I was pretty shock up and wanted to beat the hell out of this guy... but I didn't. The thing is that the healing process is always constant, it doesn't really stop so you have to continue whatever you were doing before and it will pass by. Don't worry it's not as bad as you would think. Next time you'll see her it will hurt less and less until you absolutely don't care about her.

This sucks update

I was having such a good day too. I went to work, came home and lifted, then when out with a friend and her cousin. Came back to my place to hangout. And I get a call from my other friend, asking if I had checked FB, I said no. the she told me my ex is now engaged to this guy. (I'm not friends with my ex on facebook) I would have felt so much better if my friend had never told me, why in the hell did she have to tell me...

I have no idea how I'm going to be able to sleep tonight ( its 130am here)

When I found out the news I hung up on my friend and walked out the door. I walked for awhile till my friend that was at my house caught up to me. (she has been one of my closest friends) she didn't do anything to talk me down from the anger I am having, though its not that much, I'm just stressed. We talked for awhile till her cousin had to get home.

Why in the hell would a friend ever think that telling me that would help me? I was doing so good with everything also

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I don't not want to hear anyone tell me "now its time to heal", "its time for you to move on and get over her", "that she made the choice that was best for her" (yeah at my f ing expense), "she is a ......."(put whatever you want in there)(I already know, there is no way she just got with this guy)
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Are you ******* kidding me? She left you and a couple of month later she is engaged with that guy? Either she is playing a game with you or she is really engaged and after 1 month... well she is pretty darn stupid and doing one of the biggest mistake of her life. She is going to have only pain down this road.

It's pretty understandable that you are upset, but just think about it... Isn't it for the best? It just shows you what kind of person she is. Don't worry about sleepless night, I also had them together with diarrhea, loss of hair and hair turning white :D.

You'll get your sleep back. You need to tell ALL your friends you don't want to get any news from her. It may seem dull that we tell you you need to heal, once again... but it IS for your own sake. It's not a sentence we're trowing out there, it's something you have to change with your life. These things happen and it's part of life.
It's 4AM here and I'm a bit drunk after going out lol. I was dressed super classy and all the girls were eyeing me and also one hot chick grabbed my butt lol. That's the kind of fun you need and helps you forget about your ex.

Are you ******* kidding me? She left you and a couple of month later she is engaged with that guy? Either she is playing a game with you or she is really engaged and after 1 month... well she is pretty darn stupid and doing one of the biggest mistake of her life. She is going to have only pain down this road.

It's pretty understandable that you are upset, but just think about it... Isn't it for the best? It just shows you what kind of person she is. Don't worry about sleepless night, I also had them together with diarrhea, loss of hair and hair turning white :D.

You'll get your sleep back. You need to tell ALL your friends you don't want to get any news from her. It may seem dull that we tell you you need to heal, once again... but it IS for your own sake. It's not a sentence we're trowing out there, it's something you have to change with your life. These things happen and it's part of life.
It's 4AM here and I'm a bit drunk after going out lol. I was dressed super classy and all the girls were eyeing me and also one hot chick grabbed my butt lol. That's the kind of fun you need and helps you forget about your ex.

I know what she is doing is stupid. I have no idea if it's even true. She knows I have friends around where she lives, an if I wanted to could find out pretty anything that is going on back home, but I don't. I don't care that much, I'm busy moving forward in life, advancing my career, college, enjoying meeting people.

I'm not that mad about what she is doing, I'm more mad that my friend ruined my week. My college friend(the one that told me) said that she thought it was the best thing for her to tell me. After she told me that, I said "is there anything else you want to tell me, that my head is to small, my mother is fat, any other way you would like to ruin my great day? No, good bye" after that I jumped up and walked out of my house, my life friend(from hs) finally caught up with me and talked to me for awhile. My friend is stupid for even bothering me with the information.

As for sleeping I did fine.

Conclusion: fishing for something or she is just that weird

I'll bet if you reply to anyone who gives you updates on your ex, with "so what??" they will stop.

Especially giving them a blank stare with it. Sometimes the least reaction, is the best action.

I'll bet if you reply to anyone who gives you updates on your ex, with "so what??" they will stop.

Especially giving them a blank stare with it. Sometimes the least reaction, is the best action.

Yeah I was calm on the phone, and just hung up after. Since then my college friend has been tryingto get in contact with me to talk. I don't need to talk about anything, is done and over, and I've not been dwelling on it. At the same time I don't need updates on my ex's life.

Wow at this rate of bad luck, I should go buy lottery tickets, cause my lucky streak has to hit soon

Wow at this rate of bad luck, I should go buy lottery tickets, cause my lucky streak has to hit soon

It's true that this shouldn't make you feel great but on the grand scheme of things, and in all the events that can happen in someone's life, how significant is it really?
I cannot compare this episode with my life, but I do think of my ex from time to time. More importantly I have other problems that are much more important and much harder to deal with... but I still deal with them as hard as it may be.
Life brings misfortune but we have to grow over them and be stronger with every problem that comes in our path.

I feel that it is significant enough, it has shaped how attitude about life after the beginning of my life on my own.
Everyone has problems in their life.
Life sure does, no argument there. But at some point I would like to stop receiving misfortune on all fronts(family, friends, relationships, personal life)

but at some point i would like to stop receiving misfortune on all fronts(family, friends, relationships, personal life)

You can't control that and that's a fact you need to accept.

You can't control that and that's a fact you need to accept.
Darn it Pax, couldn't give you a greenie for that statement, but your so dead on, that's why you do your best to control what you can, and that's usually what you do about the curves life throws you.



Talaniman Rule #1-
http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/seren.jpeg
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

I liked that one:

Accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference

I think many of us here need more wisdom...

You can't control that and that's a fact you need to accept.

I have accepted that life is that way. I make sure I give as much attention as possible to all of them.

I would really like to know how I should feel. Not that anyone came make me feel a certain way. One part of me is, I hate my friend for telling me (as if I cared) I need to forgive my friend... I know that some people in this forum might say I'm still dwelling, but actually look at what I do day to day, and I just don't have time, the only time I seem to talk about her is when my cousin is talking about his situation, and I tell him what I have done to get him to move forward.

The other part of me says, what was I unable to offer her, that was unable to make her happy. Now of course people can say we grow apart and in separate directions. OK. If you say becoming more dependent on your family and going to the first guy that would say I love you every second (no matter what this price) then yes we did grow apart. But that still doesn't justify the blind side hit. Either it was going on for awhile, or she is just really needs to know someone loves her (either are bad)

Positive not: I am going through this complex and really hurtful heart break at a young age, it has taught me how to protect myself against it, but also what I am really looking for in a partner.

Question: does anyone know about the 3 loves a mans will have in his life? First is young love, second is infatuation, third is true love. I think I have those right, if not can someone please explain them to me...

About the 3 loves... I had 3!

My first at school, I was 17, very very much in love, she ended up cheating with my best friend!

Then my now ex-wife, we have been together 20 years, very bad breakup, but 3 kids together

And now my current ex, although probably the feelings are so strong because of big expectations and hope from my part...

I sure hope there will be more love to come! So I am not sure about the 3 loves you mention.

About the 3 loves... I had 3!

My first at school, I was 17, very very much in love, she ended up cheating with my best friend!

Then my now ex-wife, we have been together 20 years, very bad breakup, but 3 kids together

And now my current ex, although probably the feelings are so strong because of big expectations and hope from my part...

I sure hope there will be more love to come! So I am not sure about the 3 loves you mention.

What I heard was the a man will have three main loves in his life, that doesn't mean that there will be only three. 1 and 2 could be done more than once, but three is the one that is the perfect one for a man. Now someone could go straight to 3 or skip 1 to 3, but the concept is still the same.

question: does anyone know about the 3 loves a mans will have in his life? First is young love, second is infatuation, third is true love. I think I have those right, if not can someone please explain them to me...
You mean I was dumped all those other times for nothing?? What a bummer.

And I recently broke up with number seven.whoops!
Your heart will mend and you ll love again.

and i recently broke up with number seven.whoops!
Your heart will mend and you ll love again.

Guess the theory was wrong

Which is a good thing I think.take good care of yourself.

i have accepted that life is that way. i make sure i give as much attention as possible to all of them.

I would really like to know how i should feel. not that anyone came make me feel a certain way. one part of me is, i hate my friend for telling me (as if i cared) i need to forgive my friend........ i know that some people in this forum might say i'm still dwelling, but actually look at what i do day to day, and i just don't have time, the only time i seem to talk about her is when my cousin is talking about his situation, and i tell him what i have done to get him to move forward.

the other part of me says, what was i unable to offer her, that was unable to make her happy. now of course people can say we grow apart and in separate directions. OK. if you say becoming more dependent on your family and going to the first guy that would say i love you every second (no matter what this price) then yes we did grow apart. but that still doesn't justify the blind side hit. either it was going on for awhile, or she is just really needs to know someone loves her (either are bad)

positive not: i am going through this complex and really hurtful heart break at a young age, it has taught me how to protect myself against it, but also what i am really looking for in a partner.

question: does anyone know about the 3 loves a mans will have in his life? first is young love, second is infatuation, third is true love. i think i have those right, if not can someone please explain them to me......

Well I also had my break up at a young age ( the same actually ) and I finally understood that there our exes are not unique persons. On the contrary there is many different girls that are much better and some of them are much worse. I think there can be more than 3 loves, but sometimes less than 3. It is very rare to only have 1 love.

The fact that she is engaged to this other guy (truth or not) is meaningless. It's not your fault it's her own. I heard a lot of crasy stuff about my ex but it is none of my business anymore. I would rather care about my friends and my family which I have lost focus on. If I think about my ex, I change my thoughts to something more positive like my bounds with my family, my future, or my friends. Break ups make us learn important lessons.

Well I also had my break up at a young age ( the same actually ) and I finally understood that there our exes are not unique persons. On the contrary there is many different girls that are much better and some of them are much worse. I think there can be more than 3 loves, but sometimes less than 3. It is very rare to only have 1 love.

The fact that she is engaged to this other guy (truth or not) is meaningless. It's not your fault it's her own. I heard a lot of crasy stuff about my ex but it is none of my business anymore. I would rather care about my friends and my family which I have lost focus on. If I think about my ex, I change my thoughts to something more positive like my bounds with my family, my future, or my friends. Break ups make us learn important lessons.

Fact: I have no idea if it is true or not. In my mind it is true, only cause then I don't need to worry about thinking she is playing a game with my mind.

The three loves in a guys life. It makes no sense I know it's just something I read about. That guy will have three main female loves, but you can go over the first and the second more than once and number three is the one the that is perfect. Sounds cornny, I heard about it, just thought I would pass the idea around

Okay, maybe your friend had lost sensitivity, but you know, what if all your friends knew and you bumped into her not knowing? You would have been just as mad. It was a damned if you do and damned if you don't. In this instance, I would not kill the messenger.

Also, grieve for this loss as you need to. But at some point, quit giving her the power to bring you down. When you can do this you will truly be liberated.

And lastly, sometimes misfortune is in the eye of the beholder. Really, change your glasses and start looking at life as if it was not all against you. It just is what it is. And then improve upon it. Always look for a way to improve and make it a little bit better.

Really, I understand your setback. But I would rather have the knowledge than be blindsided. I also agree with tal in that just react with a oh. How nice.

Good luck

Okay, maybe your friend had lost sensitivity, but you know, what if all your friends knew and you bumped into her not knowing? You would have been just as mad. It was a damned if you do and damned if you dont. In this instance, I would not kill the messenger.

Also, grieve for this loss as you need to. But at some point, quit giving her the power to bring you down. When you can do this you will truly be liberated.

And lastly, sometimes misfortune is in the eye of the beholder. Really, change your glasses and start looking at life as if it was not all against you. It just is what it is. And then improve upon it. Always look for a way to improve and make it a little bit better.

Really, I understand your setback. But I would rather have the knowledge than be blindsided. I also agree with tal in that just react with a oh. how nice.

Good luck

I agree, look at things as a positive learning experience, OK.

I disagree about the damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I wanted to find out about her life it would be all to easy, but I'm busy living. IF I bump into her, doubt full, she moved closer to home, and goes to her parents house all the time. I'm running away fom that place. I work in the city and go further into the city when I can, the only I ever go home, I'm at my families house. I don't hangout or talk to any of her friends. But there is always a chance, but I still, even if I saw her I wouldn't approach her.

Late night thought

Spent the day to myself, then went out with my cousin. In the early afternoon I had a talk to my friend that told me the info about my ex, and told her I would prefer to not hear any information about my ex (unless its something serious), probably wrong.

After I came home from going out with my cousin I pulled out my notebook and just started writing, and my ex came up in my writing. It is not my problem but it helped to write it out and configure my thoughts.

"i can't believe this is happening, i'm mad my friend ruined my great night. but at the same time this info has pushed my further into moving forward. no matter what i think about this situation, my opinion will not matter in the outcome. she has choose to make this decision, good or bad. I do not wish misfortune on anyone, so i guess, "GOOD LUCK"."

I do think what she is doing is a little dumb but who am I to judge? If it's a ploy to receive attention from me, "please do enjoy my silence", I will not react to this, if she is trying to talk to me by doing this, WOW, did she forget that phones exist. ( I have no idea if its true or not ) That said I do need to watch who I talk to.

I have heard too many stories about people getting married at young ages and it just couldn't work, (they don't know each other well enough) it is none of my business I just hope that if it goes sour that there are no kids involved.

On a funny note, anyone here have an idea for a congratulation gift. One that says, ENJOY!! cough, cough

You re doing fine-as for gift-a box of tissues? Well you did say cough cough! :-)

Is it just me or is she rushing things with this guy so that she feels secure and this guy is just going along with whatever?

I feel that I haven't heard the end of this...

is it just me or is she rushing things with this guy so that she feels secure and this guy is just going along with whatever?

i feel that i haven't heard the end of this.......

Just me but I bet she is enjoying her life a lot more than you are because she isn't worrying about you! Get to living!

Just me but I bet she is enjoying her life a lot more than you are because she isn't worrying about you! Get to livin!

I highly doubt that. I'm not engaged :-) even more I haven't into something that deep so soon, it's a plan for failure

Who cares about her plans? Stop caring about her and start caring more for yourself... sounds good right?

Who cares about her plans? Stop caring about her and start caring more for yourself...sounds good right?

Yes it does

None the less I have been laughing about what has just happening, and looking at it and scratching my head "are you serious, wow, they just need to add gasoline to that and it would be complete"

KC,

Can you honestly tell me that what she is doing isn't crazy, and would probably end in a bad way?

Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-broke-up-moved-out-how-fix-relationship-365253-49.html#post1916887)
is it just me or is she rushing things with this guy so that she feels secure and this guy is just going along with whatever?

Its just you, dwelling in someone else's business.

Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-broke-up-moved-out-how-fix-relationship-365253-49.html#post1916887)
I feel that I haven't heard the end of this...

Stop listening.

Its when we stop worrying about them and what they re doing or thinking etc and start taking care of ourselves that we can start finding out who WE are.we have to let go of the people in our lives who don't empower us.

its when we stop worrying about them and what they re doing or thinking etc and start taking care of ourselves that we can start finding out who WE are.we have to let go of the people in our lives who dont empower us.

Why do people keep telling me that I'm not living?

Does everyone here think I'm locked in my room curled in a corner or something?

Like seriously, I have work to accomplish everyday, I have stuff to take care of with my family (helping my grandfather take care of his house and my grandmother), I have my own personal computer projects, I workout every week, and have taken up scuba driver (something I have always wanted to learn) and on top of that I have a social life with all my friends. I rarely even talk about her, it comes up in passing when people ask where she is or how is she, other than that it doesn't.

I'm just looking at this, (even if she wasn't my ex) that who ever got engaged after 2 months of being with people is just asking for trouble

why do people keep telling me that i'm not living?

does everyone here think i'm locked in my room curled in a corner or something?

like seriously, i have work to accomplish everyday, i have stuff to take care of with my family (helping my grandfather take care of his house and my grandmother), i have my own personal computer projects, i workout every week, and have taken up scuba driver (something i have always wanted to learn) and on top of that i have a social life with all my friends. i rarely even talk about her, it comes up in passing when people ask where she is or how is she, other than that it doesn't.

i'm just looking at this, (even if she wasn't my ex) that who ever got engaged after 2 months of being with people is just asking for trouble

I guess it's an easy answer to tell you to get a life, but you are the one asking yourself all those questions. I guess you are entitled to question her but what we are trying to tell you is that you need to let go. It is going to take a bit of time but you'll forget about her. The why is not important right now.

If you want my opinion yes it's crasy what she is doing, and it is completely stupid... but then again it's her life and not yours anymore. I am a bit more advanced in the healing process, now I tend to not care what happens to my ex. You should soon have other worries than her actually as the memories will just fade away.

I guess it's an easy answer to tell you to get a life, but you are the one asking yourself all those questions. I guess you are entitled to question her

Entitled to ask her questions... I don't know, I'll never get the chance to ask her or get a straight answer. Its an open ended question... its just what I see, and because of that I question it to at least get it out



If you want my opinion yes it's crasy what she is doing, and it is completely stupid... but then again it's her life and not yours anymore. I am a bit more advanced in the healing process, now I tend to not care what happens to my ex. You should soon have other worries than her actually as the memories will just fade away.

I already have other thing I am thinking about, and it feels great.

Its only at awkward times that I feel sad about her leaving. For example, I went out with my cousin and one of my best friends and her cousin, we went out to one of my ex and I regular restaurant. I did not tell anyone before we went, cause that is where everyone else wanted to go. When the food came out, I just sat there, I don't know why, I caught myself and started to talk to everyone else. (happened last Friday before my friend called me with the news)

Another one, is when I went to visit some family a couple states away, I went by myself. I hadn't made the trip up there for 4 years without her. I drove the whole way up there without stopping (300 some miles) no cell phone service so I couldn't talk to people on the way up there, so I listened to music I had on my iPod. What I missed what the conversations her and I had during the drive. (was about 2 or 3 weeks ago)

entitled to ask her questions..... idk, i'll never get the chance to ask her or get a straight answer. its an open ended question...... its just what i see, and because of that i question it to at least get it out


its only at awkward times that i feel sad about her leaving. for example, i went out with my cousin and one of my best friends and her cousin, we went out to one of my ex and i regular restaurant. i did not tell anyone before we went, cause that is where everyone else wanted to go. when the food came out, i just sat there, idk why, i caught my self and started to talk to everyone else. (happened last friday before my friend called me with the news)

another one, is when i went to visit some family a couple states away, i went by myself. i hadn't made the trip up there for 4 years without her. i drove the whole way up there without stopping (300 some miles) no cell phone service so i couldn't talk to people on the way up there, so i listened to music i had on my ipod. what i missed what the conversations her and i had during the drive. (was about 2 or 3 weeks ago)

What I meant you are entitled to ask yourself this question, but also you need to let go after some time.

It happens to the best of us. It's a long part of our lives and there is always going to be some things that are going to remind us of them. After a while we just don't care and it's going to be: "oh, I went with my ex at that place, I think they have great pasta", and then you'll think about pasta... makes me hungry.

What I meant you are entitled to ask yourself this question, but also you need to let go after some time.

It happens to the best of us. It's a long part of our lives and there is always going to be some things that are going to remind us of them. After a while we just don't care and it's going to be: "oh, I went with my ex at that place, I think they have great pasta", and then you'll think about pasta... makes me hungry.

yeah I know, that's why I do that every once and awhile, helps num the pain more after each time. Though I am doing a lot of things I use to do with my ex, I'm enjoying the alone time, like going shooting, riding (she wouldn't ride cause of something happened in her past), scuba diving (never could convince her to do that, I will, lol) some of these offer chances to meet new people. I'm very random when it comes to talking to people, if I see a car that looks cool, I got introduce myself to the owner and start talking. Someone that looks like a rider (can usually tell by the outfit) I start a conversation about horses and what not. Etc

Don't give up Akeagle, your on the right track. You will always have memories, and its just that certain times that trigger them off. You wouldn't be normal, if you didn't feel that way. Your heading in the right direction, just stay strong and work on you. Good luck.

Its just a matter of getting use to her not sharing in your life. It will get better and your doing fine. Just takes time.

adding from wht the last answer said,
while your expericeing this break up, try to control your anger, because if u want any relationship to grow , u must find a common ground, limit your self don't let your depression get the best of you.

Seems to me the majority of my depression left when she did. (maybe with her around I could never get past the times I could have lost my life. Just a thought)

Other than that, sometimes when I'm lifting, but that could be cause I have a goal and I'm focused trying to achieve it. (it goes away during my cool down period) after that it only occures when my friend decided to shoot my in the foot. I have since talked to her, asking her to not tell me anything about her, if I would like to know I will find out for myself. I don't want that to be our only bound in our friendship

Well it seems you're mostly over of getting over her as long as you try to forget her slowly.

I think I need to cut ties with a couple more friends of ours.

other thought and I think a couple people will disagree with what I have done.

first off, I have no problem approaching people randomly, males or females its easy to strike a conversation. When it comes to girls I kind of get carried away with flirting where I have to walk away before I dig a grave for myself.

my friend (no connection to ex) is having her 21st Birthday party soon, in the city. She asked me if I was bringing anyone with me. I said I hadn't really thought about it. I thought right away about this girl that I knew, for some reason I never seem to get into the groove when it comes to talking or being around her, whenever I try my best I always mess up. The catch is that she has had feelings for me for the last 4 years, so we haven't done a whole lot of talking cause of my ex. After my ex left, we talked for about 3 weeks. Then she got got mad cause she thought I was trying to use her ( I wasn't), so she told me not to contact her, which I did up until about the beginning of this week. Today I asked her if she would like to go with me to my friends birthday party and she said yes.