My daughter died 18 months ago, she was 4 years old..
She had cystic fibrosis.

I was wondering if anyone out there was dealing with the overwhelming feelings of grief and how they are coping.

Regards, redhed35.

I am deeply sorry for your Daughter's passing, as I know your heart is sad. God bless you during this time and know that she is sitting at the feet of our beloved Lord right now basking in His glory and divine love. Pain for her is no more. What a blessing to know that she is with Jesus. My prayer for you and your family is that God gives you His peace that passes all understanding. Keep in mind that our greatest glory is when we are reunited in heaven.

I am deeply sorry for your Daughter’s passing, as I know your heart is sad. God bless you during this time and know that she is sitting at the feet of our beloved Lord right now basking in His glory and divine love. Pain for her is no more. What a blessing to know that she is with Jesus. My prayer for you and your family is that God gives you His peace that passes all understanding. Keep in mind that our greatest glory is when we are reunited in heaven.



Please keep in mind that not everyone on AMHD is Christian and the words you think are comforting may, in fact, be upsetting. Your beliefs may very well not be mine.

As far as coping - I lost a child some years ago. I lost my husband over a year ago. I find no two people grieve the same. Speaking only for myself, I still look at the faces of children who are approximately the same age my son would be today. That terrible, wrenching grief has passed but the pain has never really gone away. I have found that part of the grief of losing is a child is that "we" are supposed to protect our children - how could my child die? Was it my fault? It was not, of course, and sometimes life just happens, but I doubted myself, questioned myself, even blamed myself for a long time.

As far as my husband is concerned there are days, even now, when I can barely get out of bed. I also have good days. I just never know.

Sometimes I can talk about him, some days I cannot. I had an appointment today, the Doctor knew my husband, asked how I was doing - and I broke down in tears.

I have found that grief is a curve, up and down and around.

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss - time does make it easier but it takes a lot of time and it never goes away, that hole always stays in your heart.

But life does get better, even good, and eventually - I have found - you find yourself remembering your loved one and smiling.

When I look back at the person I was 18 months ago I don't reconigise her.. because my daughter was so ill I fought like a mad woman for her.. I didn't pull any punches with the medical team,I took no prisoners.I was determined, single minded ,and focused on her.. I refused to let a disease define her,and it didn't... in the end it defined me..

I found grief strips away everything within you,its like radiotherpy.The days where I just don't want to be are gone,not die - just not be.

I learned so much from my little girl,she fought for her life and suffered every day and still made me laugh with her funny made up stories.

She is still remembered in the hospital where we spent so much time,and her picture hangs in the playroom.Her memory inspires me to be a better person to show compassion and live and love life every day.

This skinny little blonde kid was my world,and I was hers,and I feel honoured that I was her champion,her voice and her mother.

And she was extremely honored to be your daughter. {{{ hugs }}

You may be the expert but it sounds like you could use some help with your grief. I suggest counseling. Losing a child would be the hardest thing in the world to deal with. My heart goes out to both of you.

I find it hard to believe anything I typed earlier would be upsetting to anyone.


And in your professional opinion, why do I need help with my grief?

You may find it hard to believe that your comments are not offensive but comments to non-Christians that their loved ones are with Jesus are most definitely not comforting - and are offensive (believe it or not). You posted something I found upsetting to non-Christians. You find it hard to believe. If I need grief counselling; you need sensitivity training.

Perhaps sensitivity will come along when you've posted more than 21 times.

I avoid giving people ratings of accurate or inaccurate when they are telling how they cope with a loss. It's their story and there is no right or wrong to it. When my daughter died part of me died too. I sought counseling when I felt my grief was keeping me from being who I used to be. That does not take anything away from my Expert status. What I am curious about is how your two negative ratings simply disappeared from your profile in the past few minutes.

It is commendable that anyone Experts included open up about their personal experiences. This is a painful process and by sharing their experience they are not only offering sympathy but empathy as well.

I hope that the sharing of their grief helps to benefit the OP.

Peace by with you, redhed35 and your family. May you be granted some comfort in your grief.

It is commendable that anyone Experts included open up about their personal experiences. This is a painful process and by sharing their experience they are not only offering sympathy but empathy as well.

I hope that the sharing of their grief helps to benefit the OP.

Peace by with you, redhed35 and your family. May you be granted some comfort in your grief.



Out of greenies - !

My eyes fill with tears thinking of your pain. I have a 5 year old son who is my life. Every day I fear something will take him from me. I feel for you so much and know you are being thought of at this very minute.

My mom lost 2 sons. She has never been the same. I don't think you find a way to get over the loss of a child. I think you find a way to deal with life without your child. Keep her memory alive.

I feel where you are coming from. My little nefew passed away not too long ago... he was 26 days old.. let me tell you do I ever miss him. Although I did not get many memories with him. I remember the memories that I have. I can't lie it is hard but you take it one day at a time and always remember the things she did to make you laugh, the things you did to make her laugh and all the beautiful memories you are your daughter have shared.

And as for the christianity please this girl does not need people complaining she is here for help and advice not arguing between people who give her advice. Now it may have been offensive but I'm sure that if someone wrote that to me, they do not know the faith of the person they are writing to and in all compassions he or she did mean good out of it

I would suggest you post more than 4 times before you attempt to advise people how to respond.

I am not going to argue religion on this Board but I found the comment offensive. Comments about religion belong on the religion board, not here - but then, I've already said that. I was not alone and you will note that the person who continued to push those comments is no longer a member of the Board.

I have read your other posts. Perhaps you are clinically depressed. Perhaps correcting other people makes you feel better. I really don't know but you are out of line here.

And, please, no text speak.

And I am sorry about the loss of your "nefew."

I don't mean to offend anyone,but you hear so many versions of where your/mine, child is when they die that sometimes I want to scream at them.The intention is heart felt but comes from that persons personal belief.
After my daughter died I felt sacked from a job I had for 4 years,her treatment was intense and 24 hours a day.I decided to go back to work,and then a second job and then study.anything to fill the void.
I burned out.. and when the time came I had to face the fact that she was dead and my life had changed.
When talking to other parents who have lost children in different circumstances,they comment how far I have come.. think I'm just better at hiding it.I purge on friends and family.the good days I can think about her and smile,the bad days I can't even feel.the bad days I just let it happen,I know the tears will come and ill get relief,I enjoy the good days,and accept I'm doing my best.

I agree, a but do feel faith will help with grief. Faith has many meanings to many people and does not have to be any one orgnized religion, that's where wars start. My faith may have helped me but I will not tell people that they need to go to church or especially my church. What helped me may not help anyone ese.

True.. between you and me I believe she is safe,I have no basis for that,only a knowing?

And I think the grieving process is a mix of good days/bad days. I may have said that when my son died a GOOD day was when I got out of bed. Maybe I just got up and sat in the kitchen, drinking cup after cup of coffee, but at least I got dressed.

So sorry about your employment.

I agree with "Ballinger" - you find comfort where you can. If it's religion, that's wonderful. If it's something else that works, then that's good. I would also never preach my beliefs or suggest that they would work for anyone else.

It sounds like OP is doing as well as can be expected - it's a long process.

Everyone tells me I won't be healed (and this is upon the death of a spouse) until I get angry with him for "leaving" me. So far no sign of that, no thought of that - but I guess it's part of the process. I've never heard that when you lose a child.

You got a double whammy.when you lose a child you have the comfort of a spouse,even if its just to share a bad day or a good day,when you lose a spouse,a child can help bring some comfort,even just to hold.( I reread that bit,I don't mean to assume,I meant holding someone you love and who loves you)
Losing both,sounds beyond human endurance,and yet you stand.
Your strong.I respect that, finding the strength to stay standing.

Redhed, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost both my parents to cancer within 6 1/2 months of each other, and although that was devastating, I cannot imagine how much more devastating it would be to lose one of my kids. I don't know if I could handle it.

You obviously have amazing strength, and that alone will get you through, but, don't be afraid to show your weakness too.

I wish I could say that you'll be okay one day, but that's really not true.

You will be better, and you will continue. One day it will be just a dull ache instead of a burning pain, that I promise you.

So many times we post here on this site and don't realize that every person that comes here is going through something, or has gone through something. Every one of us has a story to tell, and one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the compassion of people that are, for all intents and purposes, complete strangers.

Big hug to you. I wish I could offer more.

you got a double whammy.when you lose a child you have the comfort of a spouse,even if its just to share a bad day or a good day,when you lose a spouse,a child can help bring some comfort,even just to hold.( i reread that bit,i dont mean to assume,i meant holding someone you love and who loves you)
losing both,sounds beyond human endurance,and yet you stand.
your strong.i respect that, finding the strength to stay standing.



And I respect you and ache for your loss - I honestly don't know which is the greater loss. It is almost against nature to outlive your children.

Your daughter was lucky to have you and you to have her.

Sometimes life just isn't fair.

Redhed, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost both my parents to cancer within 6 1/2 months of eachother, and although that was devastating, I cannot imagine how much more devastating it would be to lose one of my kids. I don't know if I could handle it.

You obviously have amazing strength, and that alone will get you through, but, don't be afraid to show your weakness too.

I wish I could say that you'll be okay one day, but that's really not true.

You will be better, and you will continue. One day it will be just a dull ache instead of a burning pain, that I promise you.

So many times we post here on this site and don't realize that each and every person that comes here is going through something, or has gone through something. Each and every one of us has a story to tell, and one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the compassion of people that are, for all intents and purposes, complete strangers.

Big hug to you. I wish I could offer more.


Your post brought tears to my eyes and I do believe that some hurts and pains we suffer in this life never heal they just become bearable. Especially the loss of a child. People are always quick to say time heals all wounds, I Don't Believe IT DOES, time just allows you to manage the loss.

Red head thxx for sharing, and from the deepest corner of my heart I am truly sorry for your loss

Someone once said to me "you will never get over this but you will learn to live with it" that brought me great comfort because I wasn't waiting for the pain to go away I was waiting for it to subside a little so I could get up day after day, I send you all my love redhead I'm so sorry for your tragic loss take care!

hi red.. I am so sorry to hear about your lost. As a mother myself I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through.. it must be a living hell for you and your family. I hope that you can find the strength in your family and rely on each other when times are unbarable... you do have the strength inside you to be strong I no it might not feel that way just at this moment in time.. hand in there they say that time is a great healer.. but how can a mother get over somethink as sad as what your going through.. my heart gose out to you love... I think you should remember all the times you had with your little girl as they were so presious that might help you cope a little.. you might hold your children's hands for a little while but you will hold her heart forever and no one can ever take that away from you.. keep your chin up and try to keep smiling... you will always have your memories of your little one try and find comfort in them.. life is not about the breaths you take it about the moment that take it away... I wish you and your family well and once again I am so sorry for your loss x x x mjx

.. but how can a mother get over somethink as sad as what your going through.. my heart gose out to you love... I think you should remember all the times you had with


You do get over it and the OP will get over this or else you would go insane.

The OP's heart will heal - life will never be the same but it will be good again.

This I can promise.

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
lighterrr disagrees: Not. Everyone is the same and people heal at different rates some hurts in this life you just dont get over it, as time goes on you may be able to cope but the pain is still the same.[/QUOTE]


I assume two things - one, this is a revenge reddie because you posted that sperm live on in the womb (not the fallopian tubes, which is the case) and I corrected you. In fact, it's the second revenge reddie you've given me. Enough already.

Two, you have lost a child, as I have. Your advice in my experience is simply not correct. As I said, you DO get over it. You are simply never the same.

Hopefully others who have lost a child will join in with their experience.

How old was your child when he/she died? Age often makes a difference, too.

I lost my daughter in Nov(08),, she was with us for a brief of 5 n half months only... but when she was here,, she won not just our heart, but of all those who saw her,, even a stranger lady from the temple,, there was always a smile on her face,, she smiled at strangers, she smiled while I gave her a bath, she smiled even after getting an injection,,
She was my 1st child, first grandchild to my parents and also my in-laws. 7 of us were pregnant around the same time,, when I see them with their baby, it hurts me a lot,, I am finding it hard to get over her loss,,
M doing what 88sunflower said,, keeping her memory alive,,
We decided to plant a jack-fruit sapling where we buried her (our garden),, jack-fruit because I had cravings fro that fruit when I was pregnant with her,, May 16, 09 marks her 1st b'day and this is the day we'l be planting the sapling.
There is no way of getting over her but it is possible to make it a sweet memory.

PVRao,I'm sorry for your loss.planting a tree is a good idea. My parents planted an apple blossom tree in their garden,when I see how much it has already grown,I wonder what my daughter would look like now,how big she would be.
Judykaytee,is right,you do heal,otherwise you would go insane,you learn to live with the loss,you pick up your life and live it.

my daughter died 18 months ago, she was 4 years old..
she had cystic fibrosis.

i was wondering if anyone out there was dealing with the overwhelming feelings of grief and how they are coping.

regards, redhed35.

We had a son who died 36 years ago and there is not a day that goes by when it is not on our mind. We have learned that that is the case with a lot of people who really wanted the child but lost . Very few people including nurses or doctors have the insight to know how to respond to people who experience this. The wisest thing may be for people to listen and say very little or nothing. It may help if there is another child; or to have another child.

Thank you for sharing your post erslbrly.
I was wondering if still after 36 years you look at people at the age your son would have been.
I have my niece today,there was only 6 months between her and my daughter,she is so full of life and chat,she's a pleasure to have around,but it sears me at the same time.
I was watching her and my 8 year old making daisy chains.
I miss her today.

I have posted before about keeping a journal of thoughts and memories of loved ones who have died.
I was reading over some of my own thoughts,and found this slip of paper tucked into the back,I don't remember writing it,those first few months go by in a haze,she has been dead two years now,and I can smile thinking about her..

This is what I wrote..

As I sat beside her,my eyes trying to memorise her face,her body,I kept glancing at the clock,God would show up,I would get my miracle.
I had begged,pleaded and prayed,and I knew,with that knowing that comes in your gut,I would get my miracle,he would show up.

On the other side of dublin an other mother kept vigil beside her child,waiting for her miracle,waiting for God to show up.
We had never met,nor do I think we will ever meet,I don't know her name,nor she mine,but we were about to be forever connected.
At 10.15pm, on the 5th of September my little girl died peacefully and painfree,I held her close and kissed her face and God held my heart together so it would not shatter,he had come,four hours later on the other side of dublin another mother wept for her child,a new heart beating strongly in a tiny chest,god had come,we had both received our miracles.

This post is not about God,but about keeping a record of thoughts and memories...

I know this post is old,
I lost a baby when I was 22. It was the worst pain I have ever endured. I still cry for her, almost every day. I am lucky to have a beautiful 2 year old little girl, who never ceases to remind me how lucky I am and how short life really is. I personally don't know of there is a proper way to cope, all I know is that it has only been 3 years for me, and I still feel like it happened last week. I have had docotr's tell me I had more then enugh time to grieve, and it was time to get on with life. But I have had wonderful friends and family members and also other doctor's tell me that there is no time limit to grief.

Sorry to hear about your daughter .Kids make your world Im glad you got to spend the time she had with her.You are a very strong person and I'm sure you daughter is proud of what you are doing to help me and others on this site .I will take your advice to heart and thanks again.Your daughter will be in my prayers stay strong.