Thanks Starlite1! :)

Okay, well I think it all depends on exactly what the fight was about. Have you tired just showing up and talking to her face and face. I know when I was with my ex, and I told him some important news, he quit talking to me and it took me showing up where he couldn't avoid me, to actually talk about it.

You know in this world, we have the good ones and the a$$holes who think they can talk down to people, but once they get a taste of their own medicine they shut up.




kctiger....u very perceptive..i never thought about that!

well, we were going to have a beer in the afternoon just a few hours u know...like at applebees...but i have a new deadline i have to meet for a temp job i got...so i have to do that. i called and told him that if anything, i couldnt do it till this evening....i doubt he has the time to go out then...but u never know.

on another note, i didnt know how much i HATE drama until i got this temp gig.....the people there are ugly in how they talk to me and to people.

and i had to stand up for myself today. i was nervous because i dont like it. and i dont like to be that way you know?

but its over now, at least temporarily and although i feel good because i got it out..i started to think about my ex and how she always used to do that type of thing to me and i really dislike it. its not that im a wimp but why does anyone have to be like that?

comments?

An update...

Well just made it home and he talked about her. Surprise right? Not.

But guess it was the beer in me but I didn't mind. I actually liked hearing about her. Dam right?

Anyway, he said that when she talks to him, supposedly the frist thing she asks is how I am and if he has heard from me.

He went on to say that she said that she will always love me but that she couldn't get past my "shortcomings" and NO its not my manhood. Fyi. But he went on to ask this::::

He asked me to be the godfather of his kid and that SHE was going to be the godmother! The ceremony is April 26. What's going on here gang??

Don't know what to make of this...

But I do know this everyone... while it was really cool to hear about her and how much she loves me... I know I know... if she did she would be with me... but it was fun.BUT

When I wound down tonight... I was very sad. I started thinking about her and all the things we used to do etc... how well... u all know what I'm talking about.

I was taking a shower and I thought , you know before tonight, I was very busy and guys I have to tell you that I didn't think of her for 2 days. I used to always think of her every minute... well now what? Now I'm down. Sh$t.

Well... everyone... lesson to be learned... hittn my head against a brick wall... all of that and what you said was true. Anyone that has followed my posts... listen to everyone's advice cause its true!

Dam... wish I never went out with this guy... the only thing that it did was to lower myself esteem... and to make me back in a funk... I am once again, depressed because all of my memories come back to haunt me and my decisions and actions and the "what ifs" and especially the: I WOULD do it this way... if only..

Anyway... it was a bad move.

Now like I said, this guy wants me to be the godfather and my ex is going to be the godmother. I can't say no because how can you say no? I'm really scre##d

All that I have to look forward to is false hope and my ex who will try to be "distant" from me to show me that she has moved on...

HELP!!

Oh Buck up guy, you can't let every little thing that comes up depress you, or lower yourself esteem.

This has never been about her, or what she does, or him, and what he does. Its always about what you do to handle your own feelings, and the situations that life puts you in.

Now get off your frakkin' pity pot, and go do something good for yourself.

YES SIR talaniman... tough love. I gotchya.

Hey talaniman... im not sure if I can put other links on this board, I don't want to get banned but here's one that I think makes a lot of sense about me and my situation... everyone... check this out... it might help you!

Thanks,
25 Signs your Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend is Traumatizing You « A Shrink for Men (http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/04/02/25-signs-your-narcissistic-or-borderline-wife-or-girlfriend-is-traumatizing-you/)

Hi everyone... I was hangin out with some coworkers after work today and I stopped to think about my ex. When I was thinking about her, I thought about something interesting... I felt as if she was a memory and I knew she was hot and all but it didn't bother me that much that I wasn't with her. Anyway just wanted to share my feelings with youall... whether that changes, I don't know, all I know is that at this point in time... ive progressed to there. It was very different for me... I mean it just felt strange.

Hi everyone... an update... I know everyone out there is thinking that I'm going round and round with nothing really new... but I'm doing good thanks to all of u.

Well here's what's going on now and I really really need any input...

Our mutal friend told me that my ex loves me... that I know... whether I should be with her is another.

Anyway the bottom line is that she said that she wants to get back with me.

She hasn't called or emailed me... because she doesn't have them anymore.. I changed them.

Anyway... your NC rule worked it seems.

Of course now my problem and confusion...

What do you think I should do? I can get back with her but not on her terms anymore.. if I do, then I would take it slow... maybe sleep with her a month into it... I don't know. The point is... I was thinking that I would just hang out with her.. not take her BS and again just see her and us.. in a new light from all the help I have received here.

I don't know if she can change. I don't know if I want to try again. My feelings for has changed for sure... any feedback please!!

I know it is soooo cliché, but an ex is an ex for a reason, and that reason rarely changes.

Once again, your stupid "mutual friend" has you confused. If she wants you, let her find you, no more of this middle man BS that throws you for a loop. You will know her true feelings when it is coming out of her mouth, not his.

OK thank you very much kctiger!

It amazes me that you have stayed in this relationship this long I'm a girl and I don't think I have ever treated any guy like this ever and I wouldn't be able to she sounds really spoiled and arrogant just because she is beautiful on the out side doesn't mean she is in the inside beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that! I wouldn't care less id she looked like jennifer aniston fact is she is childish and immature and you are worse for letting it get to this stage you need to stand up for yourself and put your foot down ye are adults and you shouldn't entertain her nonsense I say don't text her or call her leave her alone and let her think about it she knows well you only on the other end of the phone so don't be afraid that she won't know you care about her caring about her will be letting her know that she needs to grow up and that you have had enough of playing games with her this is not what the real world is about and I'm sure you have protected her from this by letting her mistreat you she will soon find out that people will not stand for this at all your too soft on her I'm sure that's just your nature and I'm sure you love to spoil the one you love and why not that is your progitive but what good is it to you when she takes it for granted any girl would only love to have you ar their boyfriend so you take that in your stride head up now and show the world your confidence

Had you manned up, and looked after your own interests in February, you would have been doing your own thing, and pursuing better options by now, and wouldn't be confused by her, or her yacky friend.

WOW! Those are a lot of thoughts you guys. But before I answer you... let me tell you this...

Update...

Now, our "mutual friend" left me a voicemail yesterday evening and said: "call me man, because i have something really important to tell you...."

Um, like I told you all, I just FELT that my ex was talking to him and that he more than obliged in letting me know that NOW she wishes to talk to me.. her highness.

I did NOT respond to his voicemail... and today, he writes me on Facebook saying that he left me a message because... my ex... told him that "SHE REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME AND THAT SHE WANTS TO GET A HOLD OF ME SO THAT WE BOTH CAN "talk"....

how bout them apples?!

i felt that it would be rude not to email him back or anything...he sent me some more "texts" just to see if i was there....i think that he was wondering why i didnt call him back when he told me.

now i know he has good intentions but i think tha he is enjoying his power role a little to much...WHY? well my gut is telling me, dont know how else to explain it.

anyway, i facebooked him back saying something completely different...NOT EVEN BRINGING HER UP OR HIS MESSAGE THAT HE LEFT.

well i know her well, and i know she is asking him if he "gave" me the message. and hes telling her....well i did...but he didnt say anything about it... :)

i know im playing games....but you know, its kinda fun right now. like i said...if anything she never liked to be ignored.

anyway, im sure she either wants to get back with me OR which i would think...she wants to meet me so that she can not feel GUILTY about what she did. thats how she is. you know i read on another site that abusive women like her...never really intend to leave...they get power by threating to leave and always come back. i dont know if this is true or not but, remember guys, she left me for about 2 months last time...and then she got back with me to only leave me like 3 more times since she last broke up with me 2 months ago! SHEESH!!! what i do for the one i love right? :)

so thats where we are guys....ill keep u posted...its like a soap opera.

on another note...alana1xxx, u have alot of good points...u say true things. and u know, that because i have done NC with her now...im sure she is getting the picture that it is MUCH different than it ever has been. whoever she is with, isnt taking her BS like i did...and she misses that, i think. and yeah, i am a nice guy in nature so all of this has been really hard and disappointing for me...thanks for ur comments....

and talaniman...im not confused by her...but our "mutual" friend really is starting to bother me... I try to talk about other stuff but he steers the conversation to her... and makes me feel bad because I miss her and love her. I was really hurt and down and although I really felt good... after hanging out with him, I felt like my emotions were backt at square one. :( but, I'm doing OK again... so not too many worries...

But man I have a dread about answering this guy... hes going to keep on... bringing her up saying that she wants to talk to me... I just don't want to right now. I want some time alone. If I want to get back with her then we would have to talk long and hard... I can't avoid him... so I'm not sure what to say except that I'm very busy working right now... and that ill let him know. Remember guys, she doesn't have my email or numbers... he does though and he can't give them to her without doing so without me... so he's stuck about that.

And about manning up... come on, I'm a different person than when I started this thread.. and it has been ALL of everyone's input that has given me the strength to be like this... otherwise... I would have called him back as soon as he left me that voicemail. So please keep up the comments. :) but I get you, being strong like that is what I could have done... but I am learning how to be like that. Its harder said than done. Especially to a woman that you were going to marry.

And alana1xxx,

She is very beautiful... better than jennifer aniston. No question. But yeah, just real ugly on the inside... it confused me because how can something so pretty be so bad? U know... and when we are together, if you know what I mean, she shows a very nice and tender side of her personality... if only she could have been like that all the time... or at least 80% of it!

So I drank a bit too much on Wednesday and ended up in Clearwater Florida on a 61ft mega yacht, its been 4 weeks of nc for me, as much as I want to talk to her I know I can't. Does her watching the video I made count? Anyway she still haunts me, I see her name everywhere and songs we shared always seem to play, why won't my subconscious leave it alone?

WOW! those are alot of thoughts you guys. but before i answer you....let me tell you this...

update...

now, our "mutual friend" left me a voicemail yesterday evening and said: "call me man, because i have something really important to tell you...."

um, like i told you all, i just FELT that my ex was talking to him and that he more than obliged in letting me know that NOW she wishes to talk to me..her highness.

i did NOT respond to his voicemail.......and today, he writes me on facebook saying that he left me a message cuz...my ex....told him that "SHE REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME AND THAT SHE WANTS TO GET A HOLD OF ME SO THAT WE BOTH CAN "talk"....

how bout them apples?!

i felt that it would be rude not to email him back or anything...he sent me some more "texts" just to see if i was there....i think that he was wondering why i didnt call him back when he told me.

now i know he has good intentions but i think tha he is enjoying his power role a little to much...WHY? well my gut is telling me, dont know how else to explain it.

anyway, i facebooked him back saying something completely different...NOT EVEN BRINGING HER UP OR HIS MESSAGE THAT HE LEFT.

well i know her well, and i know she is asking him if he "gave" me the message. and hes telling her....well i did...but he didnt say anything about it... :)

i know im playing games....but you know, its kinda fun right now. like i said...if anything she never liked to be ignored.

anyway, im sure she either wants to get back with me OR which i would think...she wants to meet me so that she can not feel GUILTY about what she did. thats how she is. you know i read on another site that abusive women like her...never really intend to leave...they get power by threating to leave and always come back. i dont know if this is true or not but, remember guys, she left me for about 2 months last time...and then she got back with me to only leave me like 3 more times since she last broke up with me 2 months ago! SHEESH!!! what i do for the one i love right? :)

so thats where we are guys....ill keep u posted...its like a soap opera.

on another note...alana1xxx, u have alot of good points...u say true things. and u know, that because i have done NC with her now...im sure she is getting the picture that it is MUCH different than it ever has been. whoever she is with, isnt taking her BS like i did...and she misses that, i think. and yeah, i am a nice guy in nature so all of this has been really hard and disappointing for me...thanks for ur comments....

and talaniman...im not confused by her...but our "mutual" friend really is starting to bother me...i try to talk about other stuff but he steers the conversation to her...and makes me feel bad because i miss her and love her. i was really hurt and down and although i really felt good...after hanging out with him, i felt like my emotions were backt at square one. :( but, im doing ok again....so not too many worries...

but man i have a dread about answering this guy...hes gonna keep on....bringing her up saying that she wants to talk to me.....i just dont want to right now. i want some time alone. if i want to get back with her then we would have to talk long and hard....i can't avoid him...so im not sure what to say except that im very busy working right now...and that ill let him know. remember guys, she doesnt have my email or numbers...he does though and he can't give them to her without doing so without me....so hes stuck about that.

and about manning up....come on, im a different person than when i started this thread..and it has been ALL of everyones input that has given me the strength to be like this....otherwise...i would have called him back as soon as he left me that voicemail. so please keep up the comments. :) but i get you, being strong like that is what i could have done...but i am learning how to be like that. its harder said than done. especially to a woman that you were going to marry.

We can't all be saints.

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
-Kurt Vonnegut

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller quotes

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."
Mahatma Gandhi

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
Mahatma Gandhi

"Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes."
Confucius

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
Confucius

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."
Confucius

"Respect yourself and others will respect you."
Confucius

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." ~Andre Gide

"Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow." ~Aesop

"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." ~Ludwig Börne

"The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." ~Edward R. Murrow (Be mindful of this one, it seems there is a value to it that you may one day hold, but not understand.)

"Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly." ~Edward Albee

"To learn something new, take the path that you took yesterday." ~John Burroughs
(apart of being alone, maybe rediscovering yourself. It seems that to change who we are, we must first know who we are, forgive who we are, and love who we are. Perhaps then you may be who you are.)

"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." ~James Thurber
"Only a sith deals in absolute."- Ben kanobi

"The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish." ~Evelyn Waugh

"Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there." ~Eric Hoffer, Passionate State of Mind, 1955
(You may ponder this in connection to your ex, and your friend. First you must find it in yourself.)

"If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?" ~John Lancaster Spalding

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought." ~Matsuo Basho
(I often ponder this in regards to christianity. Jesus was a wise man, and many follow him, but how many seek what he sought?)

"Believe nothing no matter where you read it, no matter who said it, no matter if I said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense."- Buddha

"Life is our's, we live it our way."- Nothing else matters by Metalica

"Wisedom is every where, we need only to listen."- Me

MAy peace and kindness be with you brother.

Nestorian...

Thank you for your many quotes of inspiration!

You go boy! That's the right attitude you have now keep her on a short leash don't play her games anymore she messed up so she can try to fix it now if she does feel guilty then that's her prob not yours isn't it amazing how now when her little tantrum comes to an end she comes crawling back prob wondering why you didn't come chasing after her or bombarding her with phone calls and texts she now realises your a lot more of a man then she thought you were. As for that mutual friend something doesn't add up with him why is he so bothered if you guys are talking or not by the sounds of it your right he is enjoying this I think the next time he tries to pass you a message from her you should simply say listen mate that's between me and her when and if I want to meet her that's my call I don't need to be constantly reminded I'm well aware of the situation and yea he prob will tell her that butmark my words she will only try harder to get in contact with you, I'm so happy everything is working out for you once those few weeks pass when your so down and almost suffering withdrawl symptons yourmind becomes clear and its laughable the way youthought before. You are finally in control so make sure you keep it that way you deserve all you can get from life and I'm sure an even better looking woman than jennifer aniston will come along ha ha

Your friends attitude is a big headache, and you do need to get him out of your business, once and for all.

Thank you both for your comments! Yeah, our friend... emailed me today on MYSPACE and Facebook... he had asked me what I was doing today and I told him... anyway... I asked what he was doing... and you know what he said??

He said that he was hanging out with my EX!!

What the heck? Why is he telling me that? Does he want me to ask about her? Or what he's talking to her about? If they are talking about me... etc etc etc...

Hey guys, I didn't answer him back. I'm sure even he now. Is wondering why not. If he is with my ex.. believe me he is showing her all my emails that I sent him before my head got clear. I'm sure they are both dying to hear from me today...

Its like BAIT. They give me a little bit.. and want me to take it so they can just reel me in and then cut me loose.

What do youall think? I'm I handling this the right way?? Please comment if you can.

But... fyi... to be honest... I do want to reply... even if only to not mention her. But of course, I'm not.

And now come to think of it... im pissed because he should know better not to manipulate my emotions like that.

and now come to think of it....im pissed because he should know better not to manipulate my emotions like that.

Be mindful of your emotions, my young friend, after all, they are your responsibility are they not? Do the choices you make not influence them? Perhaps you may consider pondering this idea.
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast. A wild beast may hurt your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. Avoid all hottie, conceded proud and arrogant minds. And remain peaceful and subdued."-Buddha

Mmmm id say reply but don't mention her what so ever then when he does show her the e-mail she will be wondering even more what's going on! Then the next time its just your man and yourself tell him straight out you don't appreciate it I think he is trying to be her knight in shining armour he obviously has a thing for her whether he will admit it or not that's not what a friend should be doing to you he should be trying to help both of you get over one another not take her side and try to betray your trust in him by showing her all your e-mails don't take the bait on this one play along and anoy them and whatever you do don't bring her up in any way let her stew for a while she deserves it :)

Thanks! I will keep the NC and will tell him not to bring her up... let her stew... and yeah, I don't think he's too much my friend anymore.. gonna distance myself from him.

Hi everyone...

I got a question for you all... I live in san antonio, Texas and this week is fiesta week. It's a big party all week long!

Anyway, tonight there is a party at this public place... everyone goes there. My question is: what do I do if I run into my ex??

Any advice would be helpful... do I greet her? Ignore her? etc...

THNKS!

hi everyone....................

i got a question for you all.... i live in san antonio, texas and this week is fiesta week. its a big party all week long!

anyway, tonight there is a party at this public place...everyone goes there. my question is: what do i do if i run into my ex????

any advice would be helpful...do i greet her? ignore her? etc....

THNKS!!

What do you think is best, as we only know a little of the puzzle where as you see all the pieces, we just know how they may fit best for us to see the whole picture. Know what I mean?

GO, but DO NOT DRINK, as it will highten your feelings of anxiety, and your brain function will be low, and then the anxiety may make it much worse. That means, you may say and do things you will realize are stupid later, and then you will suffer more. Go have fun, if you see her and she comes to talk say hi but leave it at that. Try to keep it short and move away from her if you have to, as you are still upset over "her and you" but don't approacher, even if you see her, let her do that if she will.

That's what I suggest, either that or just don't go and chill do something else. IF it's a yearly thing, there will be one next year.

Peace.

Hello my friend,. All I can tell you from all of my past experiences is. "If she can walk away from you right now, She could always walk away from you anytime... make up your mind... Your decisio will be base on your judgement.. goodluck...

All relationships... you need self respect. Or it's just not going to work. I felt there was little hope until I read that part. THen I knew for sure it was gone

Ugh.. I hadn't realized I was like months late. For the party I think you should take some friends who can keep you in the right mind. Have loads of fun. It's life's candy. Just don't mind her at all. She's not worth it

The desperation and obsessive behavior you show towards his girl could be what's pushing her away. If she wants to leave let her go. Move on with your life if you 2 are destined for each other you'll find one another again @ the right time.

Reading this as a womens prospective I have to say maybe you can improve how u treat her and show her some respect. Women want nothing more then respect. They want to feel like they are on top of the world

Respectfully, I beg to differ. You can read my story and you would realize that I just treated my girl right, but she tossed me aside and created a big mess.

My perspective is that some people are wired to react in a certain way. Coming back to the question of the original post, I think you are burning dollars to retain a quarter (if that makes sense). If you move on, regain yourself respect, make something better out of your life, always make sure that you are associating yourself with people who would respect you.. you will realize that the 'beautiful' girl you carried like a 'trophy' girlfriend was not worth it.

I can tell you from my own experience.. because my ex was way beyond my league, and I feel great getting out of it because carrying that relationship was just a big burden.

HI EVERYONE!!

AN update... well, I went out that night but I didn't see her... I wasn't looking for her either. I was just having fun with my friends.

Anyway, here's the deal:

SHE JUST WROTE TO ME ON FACEBOOK!?

I haven't looked at it yet but I find it very interesting that she is emailing me on Facebook to begin with? She knew that I gave her a deadline... shes over it by 3 days to be exact.

Anyway, ill let you all know what she said to me tomorrow but she BROKE the NC rule... NOT ME!

:)

Ps... what do you all make of what she did?

Well maybe she will state her reason for breaking the nc rule in her email, keep us posted, don't put too much into it so your not disappointed if she does not say something that you want to hear

HI EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

AN update......well, i went out that night but i didnt see her...i wasnt looking for her either. i was just having fun with my friends.

Anyway, heres the deal:

SHE JUST WROTE TO ME ON FACEBOOK! ????

i havent looked at it yet but i find it very interesting that she is emailing me on facebook to begin with? she knew that i gave her a deadline...shes over it by 3 days to be exact.

anyway, ill let you all know what she said to me tomorrow but she BROKE the NC rule..........NOT ME!

:)

ps.......what do you all make of what she did?

I don't know enough about Facebook to answer this but does it show the last time you logged in? If it does, I suggest you DO NOT go read the email. Because she is going to constantly check Facebook to see the last time you logged on, and then she's going to wonder why you are refusing to read her email.

Who knows why she sent it. Mind control probably. That is why I say, do not log on.

Oh OK chuff! I don't know if it shows the time... but that's cool... I won't log on till mid afternoon tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm not having false hope... she probably is just going to say mean things to me. You know, the usual shi% anyway, I'm really happy though that she broke NC and is at least saying somehting even if its for me to go Guck myself... lol

It is her form of mind control she doesn't like the fact that I just dropped out of her life just like that... since I've never done that before. She was the one and then id come crawling back

You see our mutual friend said that she really wanted to talk to me 2 weeks ago but I didn't say a word about that. :)

So nowhere for her to go but directly to me right? That's what everyone here says... if she want to get in touch with you then she will find a way. So she found one today.

The bad thing is that my feeling have changed about her. And not to lower myself to her level but everyone, if I would take her back, my respect for her is very low. I think that I would mistreat her this time... nothing violent or anything but just really ambivalent... u know? I don't know... apar to f me says that but another part just wants to have a drama free girlfriend that loves him and I love her. It is that simple.

When I went out... I had 8 women igive me their pohne numbers and they were decent. One was a stripper she was a knockout. Anyway, its like now that I'm not tied down to one woman at this things... the chicks notcie this and the party is on! I liked it. I think I liked it too much.

Nah, I didn't hook up with them... at least not yet... dont want to do that right now.

Anyway, I am worried though guys... help me out... I have bad
Feeling that she wants to "talk" to me... meet with me soon to talk about us. I don't want to get set up here... if I go, and she says to me that she was right and that she's glad she left me... dam but if she says that she wants to marry me... then what? I would have married her in a heart beaat 4 months ago, but now I'm kindda scared with all the advice that everyone's been giving me.

Believe it or not... I don't have anything... im poor you know. I make like 30000 yr. and she spends money like crazy. She has a good job 55$ but the thing is I feel so bad for saying this but I had an epiphany:

II WILL NEVER GET MARRIED WITHOUT A PRENUP... because if she could easily do this now, can you imagine? That's a whole lot of pain

Hey everyone...

I'm going to take chuffs advice and not open up my Facebook, it might show the time I logged in... till tonight... let her keep checking to see if I answered her ;) play some games on her mind this time... ha ha... besides, I have other things to do then answer her.

Way to play games... there are so many words I want to call you right now, but I would be banned by the mods...

Facebook DOES NOT show you when you read a message or when you logged on. It is extremely private in that nature. Delete the stupid thing and move on. Quit playing games. Page 54 buddy... we should be farther along by now. Send me the message so I can decipher it for you... :cool:

I would bet it's something to string you along, like that she misses you, as a friend. You will take that as you still have a shot and be there when she needs you and she'll drop you when someone comes along. Just delete the message and save yourself the trouble

Aren't you dizzy from going around in circles?

INSANITY-DOING THE SAME DUMB SHAT OVER AND OVER, AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS.

Tell you what, You will never be happy until you go talk to this female in person. Do so, without telling your mutual friend! Don't leave until you are together again, or she will leave you the frakk alone.

Above all dumpthe mutual friend, like you should have a long time ago.

Hey crazyoverher how old are you?

Romefalls...

U were exactly right. Her Facebook message was: "i just wanted to see how you were doing............." blah blah...

I was reading it and she saw me online and then started to talk to me. To be honest I don't remember what I wrote because I was drinking. Anyway... I do remember that I was rude to her and just signed off abruptly...

Noticed today she sent me another email... wt hel? Is going on with her guys??

She puts "single" on her face book page because our mutual friend told me that she did.. I have never gone to her page because I don't want to and there's no need... yet she emails me.

I was doing VERY well, until she did that crap yesterday... im not on a pity party... its just werid that she does this type of thing... remember guys, I DID not email her... and she just I'm me on Facebook.

romefalls.................

u were exactly right.

Romefalls has 55 pages of being right. Start reading them. I'm pretty sure the answer is there somewhere... on every page.

Which is worse, hurting yourself, or letting someone hurt you??

Either way your hurt.

The point being that blaming her for your hurt is bogus.

I have a Facebook, I know there is a way to block users from e-mailing you. DO IT! When I went through my break up, I stayed off myspace only to have my ex follow me to Facebook. I found out by my friend telling me she sent him a friend request. So I've been in your shoes, delete every message from her. Don't feed the confusion

Romefalls... talaniman.. chuff... kctiger... all of you! And everyone else who's helped me out...

Here's the update...

I get an email from her still from Facebook... I don't reply... she keeps sending them to me. I don't say anything. She writes me on myspace... I stick to it.

She then texts my phone! How she got the number I don't know.. probably from our mutual friend...

Then she calls me and leaves me 3 messages... 3 in 3 days...

Then she calls and I accidentally pick it up... because I don't have her number listed in my phone anymore so I don't know who is calling...

Anyway... she talks to me and asks how I doing... etc. then she says that she wants to go to happy hour with me,her treat. I say I can't because of whatever... then she says that she wants to go out with me... I said that my schedule is busy... then she says that I can't be busy "every day" and that at least I can meet her for a quick drink this Friday. I say OK, just for a bit.

That was yesterday, now she is texting me 4 times a day... with stupid stuff like... "i wish i wasnt working today" and "come by for lunch if you can...my treat...etc"

What's up with that? I figure that she just wants to see that I'm doing OK. I don't know, maybe she just wants to use me until she finds another... anyway... thats the update.

I know you all hate me for being here, after your advice. I understand and I got to say that although it may not seem like it, I have changed my thinking about her and about what is best for me about that relationship. But I'm curious to see what she wants...

Seems like she wants back into your life. Do you want her back in? Use caution my friend.

Tread carefully, don't go in with a heart full of hope as it will be a disaster. Enjoy the drink, still be unavailable and DO NOT answer every text, you've been doing good let's not go back to page 1 er 35

i know you all hate me for being here, after your advice.

We don't hate you, we hate that you are going to do this to yourself when it is clear what is happening. It's like telling your child tie your shoes and they never listen. At some point you just have to let them trip over and take the pain to learn the lesson.


i understand and i gotta say that although it may not seem like it, i have changed my thinking about her and about what is best for me about that relationship. but im curious to see what she wants...

What she wants is to suck you back in. You already know that. I think you should text her back on Friday and cancel and tell her if she'd like to reschedule she can call you sometime next week as you have a busy weekend.

Well Hello everyone out there!!

Boy what a story to tell you... ill just give you the facts and you take it from there... any 2cents good or bad or whatever... I will appreciate.

So, I did meet her 3 weeks ago. She bought me lunch and asked me out the next day.

We went out, and wound up intimate with each other... me staying the night. Next day, says she loves me and wants me back. She says that she wants me to meet her parents and arranges it for 1 week from today.

I tell her that we have big issues before that could happen and she listens.. we both do. And so far so good... she has changed her stripes from being a cold Bit.. she is treating me great. I am returning the favor. It looks like all is well.

Now... heres where the tale gets squiggly. We both have Facebook. We add each other as friends. She sees my friend and tells me to delete HER because she is jealous of her and to not have any more contact with her... my "gf" feels threatned by her. I comply.

Today, I go to her Facebook and notice a comment by some dude. Nothing bad just... "yeah, lets get together sometime" on its surface nothing bad... we both have friends... BUT

I check back online later today and noticed that she DELETLED his "comment" to her. Hmmmmm interesting. Now why would she do that? Is she trying to hide something or is she doing it because she thinks that I would get jealous?

In any event, I called her out on it. I sent her an email and I will see what she has to say about it tomorrow.

So then people, that is that... im ready for all of your comments. Harsh or not. I HAVE taken your advice for some time and it has worked out just as you have told me it would.. and so now, I need to get a bunch of opinions about the latest update. She is NOT like she was to me... but I want to know what you all think.

Thanks!

Oh yeah... she apologized big time for treating me like she did etc... and so far so good...

I'm not looking for a fairy tale response from everyone... just your honest opinion considering ALL that I have gone through!!

And guys... there is no more drama as of now. She has cried many times already about how much she loves me... etc... just an fyi.

FIFTY SIX pages of guidance and help directed solely at you and dealing with this girl. Not one bit of it used or listened too. She's going to do what she always does, and you are going to start the same procedure over and wonder why.

1. she sees my friend and tells me to delete HER because she is jealous of her and to not have any more contact with her...my "gf" feels threatned by her. i comply.

2. today, i go to her facebook and notice a comment by some dude. nothing bad just..."yeah, lets get together sometime" on its surface nothing bad...we both have friends....BUT i check back online later today and noticed that she DELETLED his "comment" to her. hmmmmm interesting. now why would she do that? is she trying to hide something or is she doing it because she thinks that i would get jealous?


The first one is a HUGE red flag. She can't tell you what to do, why are you letting her? That move just gave her power she has longed for.

The second one is telling you she's already hiding things from you, thus, another red flag.


C'mon man, I've read this whole story, you will be back to the same routine again. Don't do this to yourself...

Too late.

Originally Posted by crazyoverher https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/gf-5years-breaking-up-me-320520.html#post1563370)
I admit i have NO self respect anymore and she probably doesnt respect me ..but i dont care...i want what i want and i want her!!!! please help me. what do you think? and if i have NC with her then, she will break up with me im sure and i dont want that....

This is where you started. And now you have what you want, and still aren't happy.


i HAVE taken your advice for some time and it has worked out just as you have told me it would.

This is not true. You have done everything but what you have been advised, and now your at square one again. But you got the girl so..!

I need to get a bunch of opinions about the latest update. She is NOT like she was to me... but I want to know what you all think.
And now we are back to you analyzing everything all over again.

Either do as she says and have what you want... her. Or quit going in circles, and resolve your issues.

I don't know if it's my lack of sleep but man reading these two posts from AJ and Tal and it just makes me so mad at YOUR situation because they are so dead on and you are going to get used again. Scratch that, you've already been used. I mean, I honesty am shaking here at this. What should I care, I don't have anything to do with you or her, but just reading there TWO post makes it so clear you haven't learned a damn thing and she's got you wrapped around her finger even after all this.

You know what you need. A pair of balls. AJ highlights that she tells you to do something, and not only did you, you actually used the words "I comply." Not even the word agree, which it is not but the word "comply" That is exactly what it is. Such a clear and obvious test, and she won and you lost. You should have told her it's your site and you'll do what you want. But that requires a pair.

Then Tal goes back and finds where you said you are trading yourself respect for a woman that doesn't respect you just to be with her. If you don't respect yourself, why would she or any other woman want you? There are some things in this life worth more then money. Self respect is one of those things. I can't think of one woman on that is worth that, and I can tell you for a fact after knowing about your girl since February if there was a woman worth a guy's self respect this woman is not her.

I've done some stupid things for a girls and I've been hurt because of some of those things, but when some female wants to take myself respect, I get very angry and very defensive. Some things a woman does not get and some things a woman does not deserve. Yourself respect, pride, dignity, and manhood are those things. You should be mad as hell that you are acting this way, and instead you are just thrilled she acknowledges you as though she is worth it. Fifty six pages and nothing's changed, how can she be worth it? HOW?

Today, I go to her Facebook and notice a comment by some dude. Nothing bad just... "yeah, lets get together sometime" on its surface nothing bad... we both have friends... BUT



What are you doing with someone you feel compelled to keep tabs on, AND question there motives?


Fifty six pages and nothing's changed, how can she be worth it? HOW?

??

He has the answers to the questions, all the knowledge that we bring to him. It's all a matter of whether he wants to apply himself.

This girl is sucking the life out of him and has forgotten what it is to be truly happy. He went back to his addiction and that's all he knows, staying in his comfort zone.

Crazy, I'm rooting for you man.. but when the inevitable happens and unlike her, we will be here.

Has he been back?

Crazy do not quit on us now.

Crazy do not quit on us now.


I think she has made him. One way or another, I'm afraid he will be back.

He came in here for help, and he got it... but it looks like she has come into his life to throw it all out the window.

I think she has made him. One way or another, I'm afraid he will be back.

He came in here for help, and he got it...but it looks like she has come into his life to throw it all out the window.

Well believe it or not I hope your right. Because maybe he needs to see it first hand again to realize what's going on. At some point he's got to say myself respect are worth more then she is treating me. Maybe one more ride on the merry go round will jar him enough to wake up to see it.

Hi everyone... its been a long time since you've heard from me... Heres my update:

We are back together. She has changed her ways in every sense. If she begins to even start to do what she used to or begins to say anything... then I put my foot down and leave. I tested this theory out the other day when she got upset for no apparent reason... she just wanted to revert back to her usual old self.

So, what I did was to be a hard and you know what? She came crawling back to me and apologized. Here's the deal:

Everything everyone's said, including me may be right. But the thing is that at the moment... and it has been 2 months now, she has really changed her ways. I'm looking at this objectively and she knows that I won't tolerate any of her bullsh$t anymore.

As for me, I still treat her with respect etc... but I think because of what we went through all this time... she realizes that she Fu$k up and that she doesn't want to lose me anymore.

I'm in a holding pattern but accepting of her and her new ways. She still has some things to prove to me... like if she can continue treating me with respect and all... and so for the moment, everything is peaches and cream.

I will update you guys on what happens because, aug. is going to be a very interesting month. She wants me to move in with her. I agreed but like I said, I think it will be make or break with this new living arrangement...

I'm sure you have comments and I welcome any thoughts... thanks for all your help and I really would not have been able to make it this far without it!

:)

Holy crap.

I just read most of your thread from the very beginning and jumped to the end and I didn't expect this at all. I'm really excited for you. I'm glad that you're happy.

HOWEVER:

Please be cautious. Take it SLOW. I don't think moving in with each other so soon is a very good idea. I don't think people can change that fast and it might be best for both of you to see each other a few times a week but still continue on with your own lives so those changes can really stick.

I don't want to be the "Negative Nancy," but you are still on thin ice here. My on/off boyfriend of 7 years just broke up for the 3rd or 4th time a little over a month ago (he ended it like he always does). I'm still hurt about it but with each day it gets better. I'm on day... 14? Of no contact and though it hurts I am getting through it. When we ended it I asked him if it was over for good this time and he gave me the same answer he always does, "I can't predict the future. Don't worry about if we do or don't get back together. Whatever happens, happens." Right now I am also dealing with a "mutual friend" who is stirrin' up sh*& and telling me what the ex has been up to: "the break up is starting to hit him and he feels really lonely. He loves you so much but he still thinks he made the right decision. He just doesn't know where he's going in his life and needs to get himself together." But he said that the ex has told everyone that has asked that he wouldn't get back together with me under any circumstances. It hurt so much to hear that, considering that my ex told me different.

This "friend" is an attention seeker and always makes everything about himself and he was one of the stresses in our relationship and I really think (especially after talking to other friends about it) that he is trying to keep us apart so I hung up on him. And he's been trying to get in contact with me for the last 2 days apologizing but then saying that he doesn't think I have a right to be pissed at him because he was just being honest and saying that he is so upset for hurting me that he "just doesn't know what he'll do." Ugh! Drama! This isn't high school anymore! So I'm not going to contact him.

Anyway, that was a long rant about my problems. BUT I am happy for you and I really hope that at some point I can be back with my ex (the love of my life) like you are.

one more ride on the merry go round will jar him enough to wake up to see it.

Believe me everyone... I do have this advice and words of wisdom in my mind... fyi...

Hi everyone!

Well... I can't F believe it... but you guys were right.

Yesterday when I was over at my GF apt... we were talking and she told me that she wasn't "happy" and that she didn't want to "stick" by me while I am trying to put my life back together... she wants to move on with her life and basically told me how selfish I was for not wanting her to move on...

She was crying hysterically and screaming while she was telling me all of this. I had no idea she was going to "dump" me yet again... but she did! :O

The only thing that is different this time around for me, was that I am not sad at all from it. I haven't cried or felt bad or anything... im like "well, I know her number and I'm surprised she did this again to me after professing her love blah blah blah...

But I am disappointed because I really thought that she would change this time and you know what people?

She told me that I was the SAME GUY as before...

Anyhoo... I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said yes and I left her on the balcony crying. She is really MS Queen DRAMA! And drama, I don't want in my future...

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know the latest.

As far as today is concerned, I haven't heard a peep from her and I haven't contacted her.

Again, I told her that I had to get some things done in my life and that I wouldn't be able to live with her until December... and that was just a fact of life... take it or leave it. And with that... she said that she didn't have to live with my choice and dumped me.

I do have clothes and other stuff in her apt... and her key but she as of yet, hasn't communicated with me.

Personally, I think that she's surprised that I gave HER the ultimatium and that she didn't like that... and so she dumped me.

Any comments... I KNOW you guys have some..

Thanks.

Good riddence... :cool:

how many times before you finally let her go? It took my NPD girlfriend and me 7 years before I was like enough is enough. We broke up 3 or 4 times. One time we broke up for 9 months... while she F'ed other guys. One time we broke up for 2 or 3 months, while she F'ed other guys.. I always remained faithful and single waiting for her. Took 7 years of that abuse before I left and since I've left I've been on TONS of dates.. casually dated a girl for 2 months.. Made hot steamy love on my X's birthday.. (completely unintentional, it was just ironic that it was on her bday). I am just saying to took me 7 years to realize that I wasn't the problem and that it was her. Stop trying to make it work with her and start making it work with new ones! You will be surprised how amazing dating new women are when you were in a hell relationship for so long. Night and Day.

Hi kctiger...

Yeah... im not unhappy about that but I just don't understand her. I really think that maybe she has some psychological problems. Because its just so harsh. What person is like this? You know? Anyway, the ironic thing is that she blamed ME for all of it.

Like you know, she's a beautiful woman but I feel kind of like a pig for saying this... but this time around... she's gotten well, "older"... and some of her beauty has faded. If that means that id be stuck with a woman whose no longer pretty AND is this way TOO... well then what was the point of it?

Again, sorry to say that but that's how I feel... dont mean to sound like bad guy.

No matter how much beauty someone has on the outside, the inner beautfy (or lack thereof) eventually shows...

Everyone...

So I just got a call from our mutual friend...

Haven't heard from this guy in months... and now out of the blue he calls me and asks how things are going with her.

I tell him...

He says he's going to talk to her. So obviously, she contacted him so that he could call me and find out what I'm thinking and all...

Sheesshhh! Well at least that's what I think... what do you think?

I think that the Jerry Springer yo-yo show should have ended a long time ago. Block both of their numbers and let those two date... the drama queens will be perfect together.

Lol

Hi everyone!

well.....i can't F believe it....but you guys were right.

Well, if it makes you feel better we can't believe it either. We really thought she'd change this time.



BWhahaaha. That was hard for me to say. We really didn't.


Yesterday when i was over at my GF apt....we were talking and she told me that she wasnt "happy" and that she didnt want to "stick" by me while i am trying to put my life back together...she wants to move on with her life and basically told me how selfish i was for not wanting her to move on.....


So she's not willing to wait by you, well you put your life together but your are the selfish one. Where I'm from, we call people like that hypocrites.

By the way, I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with you life, but one big improvement was the girl, so she's actually nice enough to do you a favor.


she was crying hysterically and screaming while she was telling me all of this. i had no idea she was going to "dump" me yet again...but she did!! :O

So she's crying, while she's dumping you. Serious emotional problems.


the only thing that is different this time around for me, was that i am not sad at all from it. i havent cried or felt bad or anything....im like "well, i know her number and im surprised she did this again to me after professing her love blah blah blah......

How could you cry or be upset, you may not want to have accepted it, but you knew this was the outcome.


but i am disappointed because i really thought that she would change this time and you know what people?

she told me that i was the SAME GUY as before.....


You mean caring and sensitive to her feelings. F*** her. F*** everything about this bottom feeding b*tch. You have spent since February and before jumping through every hoop she has put in front of you, and at the end she says you are selfish and the same as before. Let her cry, let her be hysterical, let her get hit by a semi, because this loser deserves any horrible thing that can happen to her.


anyhoo....i asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said yes and i left her on the balcony crying. she is really MS Queen DRAMA! and drama, i dont want in my future.....

In the future when you get dumped, don't ask to leave. Having said that, she is so stupid, she didn't realize what a gift she gave you. Freedom and positive mental health.


again, i told her that i had to get some things done in my life and that i wouldnt be able to live with her until December....and that was just a fact of life....take it or leave it. and with that...she said that she didnt have to live with my choice and dumped me.

I can't imagine moving in with this attitude.



i do have clothes and other stuff in her apt....and her key but she as of yet, hasnt communicated with me.

If they are not important or worth much I'd write them off and buy new clothes. If they are, I'd make that call now and get this done. You taking action to end this doesn't give her a means to call you in the future.


personally, i think that she's surprised that i gave HER the ultimatium and that she didnt like that....and so she dumped me.

She's not used to being on the other side. Unlike her, I commend you for standing her down.


any comments....i KNOW you guys have some....!

thnx.

The merry go round is stopped. Go ride something else.

like you know, she's a beautiful woman but i feel kinda like a pig for saying this...but this time around....she's gotten well, "older" ....and some of her beauty has faded.

Maybe some of her beauty faded because she's an ugly b*tch. I've never seen her and I can tell you that. I've dated extremely beautiful women too, and that usually means they come with a sense of entitlement that they are better then everybody else. To be very honest with you, I find women society considers "10's" both that I've dated and known to be actually missing something. They expect that you are going to lie down for them and give them what they want. Low and behold look what happened to your situation. You gave her whatever she wanted and when you finally stood your ground she cried and dumped you. Let someone else who is desperate to be seen with a hot chick have her. You should be deserperate to be seen with a strong man who can look himself in the mirror and know that his self respect is more important then some girl's looks.

everyone.....

so i just got a call from our mutual friend........

havent heard from this guy in months....and now out of the blue he calls me and asks how things are going with her.

i tell him...

he says hes gonna talk to her. ? so obviously, she contacted him so that he could call me and find out what im thinking and all....

sheesshhh! well at least thats what i think...what do u think?

Why are you doing this? END THIS BS!

Thank you chuff!

I just got an email from her... ill post it in a sec...

thank you chuff!

i just got an email from her...ill post it in a sec...

I don't even know what it says, yet but I can tell you the relationship has turned. It used to be you going after her. Now look at this. You showed up with a pair, stood her down, she cried, you ignored her temper tantrum, you left and look at this... she's coming to you. Crazy I have to say, nice job.

Thanks chuff but the letter she wrote makes it look like she is the one in control... here it is...

I don't know what to say. I have been thinking all night... crying a lot... I am at a loss about all of this. Love isn't enough. And the fact that you think that I am being unreasonable upsets me more. Because if you truly loved me like you say, you would not drag me through this. I would NEVER do this to you. I would (and have) done everything possible to be with you... and I'm sure in your mind you are reading this and saying to yourself "thats what I'm doing"... All you do is tell me to be patient and to wait... and wait... You have had me waiting here for you for 4 years... yet your comment to that is "don't bring up the past". Right.

I love you and miss you so much it hurts. But I can't do this to myself anymore. Its not fair. I feel like I have put my life on hold for you... living my life by YOUR timeline. A timeline that is the slowest damn timeline that I have ever known. How can you ask me to keep waiting?

I'm not writing this to argue anymore. I just think that yesterday, you were laughing at the things I was saying as if I was asking for unreasonable things. I'm not. I don't want you to write back and recap your timeline. I heard it loud and clear yesterday... and I don't consider the fact that you can have "sleepovers" to be "with me". You don't live with me... you come to sleep over and then leave... you don't have anything in my apt... you won't even eat dinner with me... I am, and always have been, on the outside. I deserve more. I want more.

You need to focus on doing what you need to do for your situation. I am moving on and forward with my life... I am not going to look for anyone, but I don't want to be with you like this either. If and when you are finally free.. TRULY free... we'll see where I am at... That's all I can offer back right now with the deal that you have brought to the table.

I seriously got 3 sentences into this garbage and I knew it must be Chuffed.

To answer the previous post, you are wrong. She sent this to you. I don't care the content, I don't care what she says, you are in control. For once, do not blow this. You are going to her, she is coming to you. Now to this...



I don't know what to say.

Then why write this email.


I have been thinking all night...crying a lot...

Ah, look at that. She's crying and you aren't. You are in control. Assuming she's telling the truth, and let's be honest, that's a big assumpation. She might just be saying this looking for sympathy, thinking that you'll come running to a crying woman.


I am at a loss about all of this.

Translated to mean, "You used to follow me like a puppy, now you actually stick up for yourself, and I'm not sure what to do anymore."


Love isn't enough.

?? When did she every love you? Is this the same woman you've been on this site about since February? Playing the love card? Please.



And the fact that you think that I am being unreasonable upsets me more.

Translated to "So let my try guilt to see if you start doing what I want."


Because if you truly loved me like you say, you would not drag me through this.

More guilt, also you notice after all this, you stand up for yourself one time... ONE TIME and she says you are dragging her through all this. What a piece of work.


I would NEVER do this to you.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Stop it, I'm a rolling. That's great. Good stuff there.


I would (and have) done everything possible to be with you...and I'm sure in your mind you are reading this and saying to yourself "thats what I'm doing"....

Attempted reverse psyhology... and she failed at it.



All you do is tell me to be patient and to wait.....and wait.... You have had me waiting here for you for 4 years....yet your comment to that is "don't bring up the past". right.

I have no idea what she's talking about so I can't really comment.



I love you and miss you so much it hurts.

Is this the same line she's used in the 40 other previous break ups?


But I can't do this to myself anymore.

Ok, then why write this email. You left and she came to you. You aren't doing anything to her, so why write this claiming you are. Guilt trip anyone?



Its not fair. I feel like I have put my life on hold for you...living my life by YOUR timeline.

I feel like you have been doing the exact opposite.


A timeline that is the slowest damn timeline that I have ever known. How can you ask me to keep waiting?

For the love of all things holy. You told you wouldn't move into her apt. until December. That is 3 and half months. If after 4 years she can't wait 3 months until your lease runs up or whatever is holding you what is the point. Which we all wanted to know before this came up anyway.


I'm not writing this to argue anymore.

No she's writing it to make you feel guilty. Also, weren't you the one who avoided the argument by leaving... so there was no argument so she's just making stuff up.



I just think that yesterday, you were laughing at the things I was saying as if I was asking for unreasonable things. I'm not.

She is.

Also, nice job laughing at her. When they start huffing and puffing, don't fall for there trap but just laugh it off. There problems are not your problems. You are really coming around.



I don't want you to write back and recap your timeline.

This is some of the best comedy I've ever seen. This is fantastic. Let's recap. She dumps you for the 64th time, she cries and whines, you leave and then DO NOT contact her. So she sends this guilt trip email and has the line "I don't want you to write back"
As though she has any say. This is truly the only control she has left. She is literally saying, "Even though you are not contacting me, I don't want you to contact me." Wow.



I heard it loud and clear yesterday....and I don't consider the fact that you can have "sleepovers" to be "with me". You don't live with me...you come to sleep over and then leave....you don't have anything in my apt...you won't even eat dinner with me.... I am, and always have been, on the outside. I deserve more. I want more.

And you offered to move in December, so she can shut the F up.


You need to focus on doing what you need to do for your situation. I am moving on and forward with my life.... I am not going to look for anyone, but I don't want to be with you like this either. If and when you are finally free..TRULY free...we'll see where I am at... Thats all I can offer back right now with the deal that you have brought to the table.

Wow. More blame you, but it's really all about her.

I've said this for months, but how can this woman or any other woman for that matter be worth this. HOW?

Either you're a glutton for BS, or you really need to end the BS your in.

Delete her emails, and ignore her, at all costs. Please, as this thread is going in so many circles, you have to be dizzy by now.

Yeah, I'm a glutton for bs.

Here's the latest...

She wrote me another email... saying that she just wants... well hell here it is... : oops I deleted it! Sorry guys.

Anyway, the bottom line was that she wanted to see me.

So, I went over to see her with the intention of ending it. Well she ended it...

After it was clear that she was just being abusive to me.. shouting at me... cussing etc... I said that I was there to have a positive constructive talk with her...

People you know what she told me?

She said she FU## her old boyfriend 3 months ago BEFORE we got back together. I can't believe she told me that. Whether that was true or not... I was so hurt that I didn't say a word.

I just left.

And thus, while she hurt me by saying all that to me... now that she did, she KNOWS that I will never go back to her again.

It is over.

Now, tomorrow is another day and this woman is crazy... so who knows what she will do now... I will keep you posted.

Is there a pretty considerate woman out there in the world? Please let me know people... because right now, I just don't know if anyone is honest anymore. Not to have self pity... its a good thing what happened tonight... it just really sux that she did that. Very uncool.

Oh well, life goes on... but you know what guys? I left and all but surpisingly, I thought I was going to cry or something... but I didn't! I just was hurt that she told me that but that was all.

Oh... one other thing...

I wanted her to have the "upper hand" in the breakup... because now, she can't seek "revenge" or anything like that to me... u know... because if I broke up with her... then she would have gone freaking "fatal attraction" on me...

Wow, so you mean to tell me in this latest turn of events that she's not only controlling... which I believe has been covered and not only has deep emotional problems... which I believe has been covered but she's a whore and apparently to stupid to realize by telling you that, that she actually admits to it. Not that everybody didn't figure this out already.

Why should you cry? I understand there were feelings but losing her is actually gaining part of you. Furthermore, you can't bring yourself to tears because you had to know this would be the outcome. The pattern was the same as it always was. Nothing's ever changed.

I hope you got your stuff back and get away from this person. Your life is to short to have people like her in it.

Hi chuff...

Thanks for your comments...

Well the update is that I got 21 texts from her last night and 2 emails... I turned off my phone and so far today, haven't read them... ill do it tomorrow. As far as today goes, I'm going swimming! :)

Thanks man!

I feel great. I wrote her an email that ill send her tomorrow... it basically says... that I ALONE will decide what I am going to do... and No one not even her, is going to tell me what to do!

While I feel great about all this, I can't help but feel that it's a shame that I had to even say that to her... u know?

But regardless... im doing it. I'm going to make her sweat today... if she even cares... and like I said, tomorrow shoot her that email...

Ill keep you posted!

Thanks man!

i feel great. i wrote her an email that ill send her tomorrow....it basically says...that I ALONE will decide what i am going to do...and NOONE not even her, is going to tell me what to do!

while i feel great about all this, i can't help but feel that its a shame that i had to even say that to her...u know?

but regardless...im doing it. im gonna make her sweat today...if she even cares....and like i said, tomorrow shoot her that email.....

ill keep u posted!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

She has texted you so many times that you have had to turn off your phone, she is now emailing you non stop, she is begging you for attention of any kind. DO NOT send her an email. It will only verify that you are still thinking about her which is what she wants. No matter the message of the email, the communication plays into her control. You are acting completely different then you used to and FINALLY you have got a response out of her. Do not revert back to the old way. Keep your control, keep your power and do not respond.

Oh really? I didn't think I was giving up control if I did send her an email...

Well... ok... because I went to look at my email and you know how it shows the first parts of the message in outlook:... when I saw one of her emails... she only emailed me twice...

The first part of her message said: FU&& YOU!

I didn't expect that... I didn't open it yet... and she also sent me a picture too... I haven't opened it but I will tomorrow.

Anyhoo, based upon what she told me... the email I was going to send to her... I think that its best that maybe I don't... because if she's so rude to say that to me... then she doesn't deserve me emailing her.

She also left some voice mails... ill listen to them tomorrow too. I'm just not up for dealing with her bs.

Anyway, you think that I should just fade away then?

oh really? i didnt think i was giving up control if i did send her an email....


You are. Because she's telling you that she sleeps around with other guys, calling you names, sending you emails, texts and the works. You are doing nothing. Literally nothing and she's putting all this energy into you. Maybe it's not good energy but energy none the less. She needs a reaction from you to feed off.

Forget the messages, she is the one coming to you. She's coming to you with hate but that's because she wants a reaction. I had an ex that used to flip her lid a lot and eventually I just started laughing at her. That's kind of what you are doing. You are saying "this doesn't bother me" by not responding. The opposite of love is not hate, but indiffernce. You are being indifferent to her and it's driving her nuts. Even more so the before.


well...ok....cuz i went to look at my email and u know how it shows the first parts of the message in outlook:.....when i saw one of her emails....she only emailed me twice....

Twice more then you emailed her.


the first part of her message said: FU&& YOU!

Part of me wants to tell you to email her back and just write, "You are so sexy when your mad."

Don't do that though.


i didnt expect that...i didnt open it yet....and she also sent me a picture too....i havent opened it but i will tomorrow.

Why? Just let her hate belong to her. This isn't your problem anymore.



anyhoo, based upon what she told me....the email i was going to send to her...i think that its best that maybe i dont...cuz if shes soo rude to say that to me...then she doesnt deserve me emailing her.

she also left some voice mails....ill listen to them tomorrow too. im just not up for dealing with her bs.

You've dealt with time and again. Now is your time, not hers.



anyway, you think that i should just fade away then?

Absolutely.

Well that's sound advice chuff.

I do want to stay in control... all today she has not done anything. She hasn't emailed me or texted or called... maybe she's waiting for me to respond... what do you think? Or maybe she thinks that because SHE got the LAST word in... that SHE"S in control?

Also, I don't know what she said to me but ill be interested and make sure I let you know...

chuff... I do have a confession...

I have been thinking all day today what she told me last night:

"i was over at my old boyfriends house when we were sepearated becuase i was FU%%%g him!"

Any advice people on how I deal with that pyshological blow?

well thats sound advice chuff.

i do want to stay in control....all today she has not done anything. she hasnt emailed me or texted or called....maybe shes waiting for me to respond....what do you think? or maybe she thinks that because SHE got the LAST word in....that SHE"S in control?!

But how can she be in control? She's flipping her lid, completely off balance and you are not responding to anything.

Haven't you ever had someone just lose it on you and all you can think is, "What is wrong with this person?" Because what they are upset has nothing to do with you.

Well, that person is her. She's upset and the cause is her. She's an angry person and she get's more angry because you are indifferent to her. You aren't doing one thing to her, calling her one name or belittling her. She can't stand it because she's so used to people either arguing with her or rolling over for her like you used to do. Now you are doing neither, you are treating her like someone that lives on an island somewhere in the ocean. You aren't paying attention to her as though you don't even know she's alive.

Thanks chuff but how do I deal with what she told me:?

chuff... I do have a confession...

I have been thinking all day today what she told me last night:

"i was over at my old boyfriends house when we were sepearated becuase i was FU%%%g him!"

Any advice people on how I deal with that pyshological blow?

chuff.....i do have a confession...

i have been thinking all day today what she told me last night:

"i was over at my old boyfriends house when we were sepearated becuase i was FU%%%g him!"

any advice people on how i deal with that pyshological blow?

But it was designed to be a pyshological blow. She's grasping at straws because of your indifference. Everything she says is designed to keep you down or hurt you. This was that.

What's ironic is, it makes her look worse and she's to stupid to see it. What she's really saying is, her crotch is open to an ex boyfriend at a moments notice and not worth anything. Down in Florida we call girls like that whores. She admits to being one, that makes her look ridicules.

Furthermore, if it's true is this the kind of girl you want to be with? I mean, I don't expect virgins but if you are so cheap to just give it up to rotating boyfriends then what real value is there with this woman.

Beyond all that, you should read this entire thread again. This shows here, in your own words that she in manipulative and controlling and this was just another example of really how cruel she really is.

I remember my ex had left me for another guy and then left him for another guy and then when she got dumped she was trying to get back with me. Long story short I was not interested and she was telling me about how this was all a big misunderstanding, blah blah blah. Finally I just interupted her and said, "it's not my fault you choose to be a whore." That's exactly how I see your situation. She choosing to be the town slut is not your problem. You deal with real women, the bottome feeders can have the town slut.

Thanks for that man... it helps me.

Yeah, it was very cruel. I'll try to keep my head up! :)

thanks for that man....it helps me.

yeah, it was very cruel. i'll try to keep my head up! :)

You are winning. You have nothing to be down about. You've finally seen her for what she is, you are beating her game to the point she admits to being a whore and not leaving you alone. You're the man now, hold that head up and be proud that in the end, try as she might, she just couldn't beat you in the end.

Its funny chuff...

Whenever we were really doing great... shed screw it up and break up. I once told her that its almost that she WANTS to sabatoge the relationship.

Very strange... never been with someone that LOOKS for crap when things are going well and then, deliberately makes sure that it goes bad...

Comments welcome...

Women want drama. When there is none, they create it. That is why it is up to you to stand up for yourself and stand down to the drama at all times during the relationship. The more you stand up for yourself and not be pushed around, the less that will happen.

I never thought of that! Ill have to remember that for my future relationships.

The funny thing is that by standing up to the drama... do you think that this is going to make her WANT me even more! Lol. Or is she just an evil Witch... lol :)

Well are you back together or over her by now?

We just broke up nohelp4u

If you were on again off again since before your Feb post I would say you need to stay away from her. That's crazy and you are wasting your time, breath and life playing this game she must be enjoying.

Yes I we were on and off before my posting...

An update everyone...

I just read her emails and listened to the voicemail...

Well, when I left her apt... it turns out that she apologized for saying that about her old boyfriend and took it back that she didn't do anything... then she said that she was going to get in her car and track me down... go looking for me...

Which she did. :O

She found me at a friends apartment and took my car's picture and told me that she knew where I was at and that I should have gone back to her place instead.

She said that I deserve "all that i get in life" and that was that...

How about them apples people? I KNOW you have comments... since then, I haven't heard from her... oh, she did say that she was "drunk" when she was arguing with me.

Ever think you may be annoying to her? WHEN DOES THIS IMMATURE BEHAVIOR STOP??

The latest:::

I checked into my Facebook account and she writes:

"i am trying to figure out where to go from here"...

How about that... SHE is the victim... sheesh.

So delete her from Facebook.

Who cares what she thinks.

Reread this...


WHEN DOES THIS IMMATURE BEHAVIOR STOP????

Answer is when YOU man up and make it stop.

Hi everyone...

An update:

Well, I guess I'm a masochist because I have been taking her shi* on and off now for a month.

She goes from being the sweetest woman on earth back to her crazy self - it seems like she does this every 4th or 5th day. She is happy one minute and upset the next.

I should have walked away along time ago like everyone says but she changed. She really did. But then she went back to the way she was.

An example: we were out the whole day last sat and we were having a great time until she got upset about some nonsense issue. We wound up going back to her apt and she was screaming and yelling at me... so angry that she threw things at me! I should have left but she then said that it was because she was sooooo angry that she lost control of herself...

Anyway, we wound of having sex and all was better...

Then, she did all this again! She did go to the dr. and got some zoloft... she's a bi polar. But so far, it hasn't helped her... im in the dog house again and she is blaming everything on me.

I don't know what to do because I don't want to abandon her if she's crazy because its not really her... its her mental problems but I need to look out after my mental health too...

Yeah, I know everyone says to leave this crazy woman... have I become the co dependent in this relationship? Do I need to see a shrink because I can't leave? I don't know...

Anyway... not a sucker for abuse... well maybe I am... I listened and did what everyone said and yet I'm back at square one.

Guess it was my mistake for letting her come back to me.

Comments please...

How many more years do you want to spend on this emotional rollercoaster?
Your relationship s toxic and yes you come across as co-dependent .
Seeing a therapist for yourself sounds like a good idea.
Man up and step away from the drama.

Well I don't want to spend ANY more time on any drama. I'm sick and tired of the drama.

I told her that last week and said that I don't want to argue with her anymore.

If and when she's ready to be happy, to contact me...

So far, all I've heard from her is an email asking: "how are you doing? "

But it's a strange thing... its like I'm in Vegas and she is my slot machine... I put up with her crap HOPING that the next pull will make me a winner. And the problem is, is that she does give me some money but its just never enough and I'm left putting more quarters in hoping for the payoff! :O

but its a strange thing.....its like im in Vegas and she is my slot machine......i put up with her crap HOPING that the next pull will make me a winner. and the problem is, is that she does give me some money but its just never enough and im left putting more quarters in hoping for the payoff! :O

That is a great anogly. I know exactly what your talking about because I've done the same thing or I've rationalized abusive behavior by saying "I've put X amount of time in, I'd hate to see that have been a waste." But in reality by using those statements what we are really doing is giving permission to the abuser to continue this abuse.

Who are the real winners in Vegas though? They are people who go into the casio with a set amount of money in their pocket. If they deplete that amount they leave. If they win, they will either use that for more betting until they lose it or walk away with their winnings. But the real winners never walk out with LESS then what they set aside ahead of time.

In terms of self esteem, self respect, and pride you have less then what you walked in with. You are letting her, the casino dictate the game, where you the customer is the one who really has the power to walk away at anytime.

A relationship will require you to give of yourself but this relationship requires you to give all of yourself with no benefit coming back to you. You wouldn't go to work if your boss said you were going to work for free, but you go into the relationship giving everything and getting nothing. You wouldn't pay someone for nothing, yet you pay your girlfriend in time, energy, gifts, and allowing abuse, and you get nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish. By that I don't mean you be abusive and not care about other people, but you do care about and put yourself first above others. If she is not holding her end of the relationship agreement then you, for you, end it and move on. You know you deserve better and you know you have more to offer then she can realize or accept but you can't start the open that door if you don't close this one.

well i dont want to spend ANY more time on any drama. im sick and tired of the drama.

i told her that last week and said that i dont want to argue with her anymore.

if and when shes ready to be happy, to contact me.....

so far, all ive heard from her is an email asking: "how are you doing? "



Do you realize by telling her this you have said that you will be waiting around for her. Sounds like a lot of "come here...but go away". She probably knows you well, and knows how you react to different things.

It's not when or if she's ready to be happy to contact you... it's about IF you want to contact her.

What very thoughtful comments from everyone. Thank you for your insight. Yes, in the end, I realize that it is MY choice as to whether I want to go back or have her back in my life or not. Even if she comes around again... to me saying that she's sorry etc.

I KNOW this to be true. But after pledging her change of ways before and then sticking to them only to screw up again, is there any room for me to think that she can get back and STAY back on the "wagon" or will she eventually do this again... I mean is it that she has a "personality disorder" and no matter what happens I can't fix this and she can't fix this without thearpy?

That's my question... because, I have done kept up my "end of the bargain"... and although I do get or got sex from her... and some wonderful days... I do feel somewhat traumatized by her. In the sense that I have to walk on eggshells... be overly concerned about not upsetting her - just to get some peace and quite and good times...

More thoughts would be appreciated... also, everyone, I learned that she is having problems with her familiy and job and that this is causing her stress but why take it out on me.. u know?

Thanks guys... n gals... for your comments!!

And also... im wondering if my "GF"... has a "personality disorder" and if so, does this condition FALL into the regular relationship mode? Does this mitigate the situation? Or am I just rationalizing all of it... regardless?

Thanks..

OMG! You really don't have any self respect! I read every single post taking me 6 hours to read! You ignored the advise that Chuff, T-Man, Justwantfair, Romeo, Kctinger and a few others have given you. You went back and it happened again! Then again and again! Its amamzing how much patience and loyalty T-Man and chuff and romefalls and others have for you! These people are trying so hard and giving free help, their time and thoughts and you ignore it even though you may want to follow it. You keep talking about the sex with this girl. Have you ever seen porn? There are so many other girls willing to do everything who are very pretty and can be decent normal girls and not be strippers.

I am feeling bad for the people commenting here. I feel like you are telling all of us to waste our time because you are not showing us that you care about yourself. Now I get the saying, Nobody can help you if you don't help yourself.

I can relate to what you are going through a lot. You want details? You got it. The sex is great and there is something special they do that you love and you feel so connected. I KNOW! She gets mad at times for very little things and curses you out or even throws things at you and then says sorry after some time. I KNOW! You feel your life is messed up and maybe that's why you feel you want and need her almost like a drug to feel some happiness because the good times and good pictures can be so decepting. I KNOW! The way they look so pretty to you and you love holding them close and being around and all the little things like the faces they make and certain things they like. I KNOW!
I went back to my ex a while ago and guess what? She broke up with me again. She had the same attitude as yours. They manipulate all the time!!
I may be having some hard times but I listen to the people here because they really care and they know!! Believe me. You have to trust these people. Your relationship is HORRIBLE just like mine! Don't trick yourself to think it was good!!

I really wish you the best and in a way I am glad you went through this so that you experience it first hand but how in the world are you still stuck? I got the point now that I got back. I get it now so why can't you. I'm up to the point where I'm just missing some memories but even that is fading. I don't even know where you are. This girl is ruining your life. Please just let go of her and her insensitive friend because he is NOT your friend. You know what my friends said? They said "FU$& her". You have to stay at the gym and stay busy. Lose allllllll contact with these people. Do this for yourself. You will be stronger in the future. I went through this once and suffered but this time I learned that suffering is optional. Plus we tried all we could and you should be proud of that. I sure am. I am sooo much stronger this time and it doesn't mean I don't care or I don't love her because God knows that is far from the truth but I learned a lot better how to deal with my emotions. I only cried once all month long. Its not too late but you have to make some moves now and fast. Please move on! How old are you? I think you like orders so here they are.

Dammit! You better stop talking to your ex! And I mean it!
You better write some actions right now as to what you will do today to improve your situation! If I say its okay, then you may do it!
C'mon man... be strong. Show everyone how strong you are. Be something good in this world and be a role model! This girl is DESTROYING YOU! (If she hasn't already)

I have only had time to read half of the posts on here and that took along time in itself!!

I hate to tell you this but the worst thing about someone who is beautiful that KNOWS they are beautiful is they think they have the right to treat you badly because they know you adore them and will take it and keep coming back for more... she knows what you think of her and you have DESPERATE printed on your forehead for her and everyone else to see.

I don't mean to sound harsh but she's using you. When she goes NC she is with someone else I can guarantee it, she allows you back in because of a few reasons... its not going well... they don't let her get away with what you do... they stand up for themselves... you see where I'm going with this!!

Any woman loves a man with some balls... pardon the pun... someone to stand up for themselves and put us in our places when we try to throw a tantrum as we all will at some point, we are all like children in that way, if we can get away with it we will continue to do so... not as far as she has gone though!!

The best thing you can do here is to get on with your life, away form her, without her, stop waiting for the odd call or text that will come just to keep you hanging on a thread for when she's bored. Change your number if necessary then you won't be checking it every 5 minutes to see if she's calling.

There are plenty of hot people out there who are also NICE people.

Good Luck x

Although I don't think you're right about myself respect, I do want to thank you for your comments... emo.

It sheds a new perspective on things for me. And for all the guys that have commented on my relationship... chuff, rome, justwant... everyone... you have been a great help to me. I have followed many things that you have said and some I haven't... but I keep coming back here because obviously, for me, as with everyone here in a long term relationship - want to make things right and want to get some caring advice.

If all of this was easy to do, then many of us here wouldn't need this support system. And that is what this forum has been for me. Its my only support system so that's why I'm here.

Whether I follow everyone's advice to the letter is one thing, but I certainly have done many of the suggestions... im just looking for some more comments about what everyone thinks as this relationship progresses...

This obviously has been an important part of my life for 5 years... if it is to end, then at least I can sleep easy at night for doing all that I could have.

Thank you destiny09,

You know people... I have often wondered during our breakups if she has been seeing other people... she told me no and that "im the only one" etc... but I'm not sure if I entirely believe that either... I think that destiny is right when she says that I'm the ONLY idiot that puts up with her bs.

I know that I wouldn't do this with any other woman - its only because of how long I've been with her 5 years... shes pretty, good in bed, tells me that she loves me... etc... that I do.

But, I can't prove that she has done anything with someone else... because then, well, that would be the end of it for me no questions asked for sure.

In any case, yeah I think she is toying with me like a mouse... I don't want to play her games and do the same thing to her because that would be childish although, I have to admit, kind of fun. So, at this moment, I'm kind of left with just leaving her be.

I won't contact her. And well see what happens...

What do you guys, and gals... think is going to happen next, based upon your wisdom... im not being sarcastic... im really asking... for your thoughts.

Thanks...

Ps... as you can see, one way or another, I think that all of this is coming to a head.

What happens next is dependent upon your actions. I see two scenarios:

1) You guys both keep on playing this immature cat and mouse game, wasting another year or two in the process

2) You grow up, truly leave each other alone and move on with your lives. Let sleeping dogs lay, and cut your losses.

This is life Crazy, you lose things, you gain things and the world keeps turning round and round. Either choose to turn with it or get stuck in a no win situation.

Reading your answer crazy... you must be a little crazy! You are still waiting on her and what she does next. You need to let it go and mean it. Not contacting her to see what she does next is you being almost as bad as her with the games.

You have to tell her that it is "Game Over". You will feel better in the long run and you won't feel like coming to this site again unless you want to help others from your experience. I personally think I will be here. I stopped because my ex girlfriend would be pissed that I talk to strangers and give advice about relationships... I'm sure another girl wouldn't be so pissed. What is it that the two of you argue about? And how old are you?

Well that's the thing...

Our arguments are stupid. Here's an example of the latest:

We had a great Saturday all day long... then we were to have a romantic evening when she gets a text from her friends asking her to go to a bar and celebrate a friend's move. She asks me if its okay and I say yes.

Then when we get home, she tells me that we might be longer than usual there at the bar. And I tell her that I don't mind us going, but that I want to be with her that night... at which, she says that we have been together all day long. I tell her yes, but we have yet to have our "romantic" evening as we planned... she gets uspset saying that I'm casing issues and that she doesn't want me to go with her to the bar because everyone would see that we are fighting.

I ask her what am I to do then? And she says... its up to me but that she is going out. She will see me when she gets back home.

So much for our romantic evening and so much for us being in a good mood because she's not wanting to do either.

This is what happens... and the only thing I can gather is that she would rather be with her friends than with me. Although when she is alone, all I hear is how much she misses me and wants to see me...

Who's right and who's wrong here people??

Thanks.

Its not a question of who is right or who is wrong-its a question of reclaim your life and stop being a doormat.

How old are you?

Plus people here always told me that you have to let them go alone and you can't want to go for some reason. I don't really get it but they will say that you HAVE to let her go by herself because you have no control over her or something. I had that problem... I didn't really like her going out either but then again she was the same so it was a double standard for me... But it sucks that she is going to skip a romantic night with you. I guess you can just let it go until next time and just let her go out because everyone here is against being jeolous... I hate it too!

Well its not so much that I'm being a doormat... as it is the fact that she claims that I am the one who is causing the fights and arguments because she wants to go out and have "fun" and I don't.

But that is not the case, I like to go out for a good time as well but when we do so, she picks fights with me when she drinks too much, which is usually the case... and we wind up in separate beds... sheesh !

U know, as I'm writing this, I'm getting a sense of how unfair she has been towards me and perhaps, it isn't my fault that things aren't going well in the relationship but rather, its her fault for not putting as much effort as I am into it...

So maybe its time to listen to most of us here-and let this go? Or will you still be asking our opinion in five years time?

crazyoverher, no offense I have read most of your thread. Word of advice grow a pair and tell her to f off literally, you keep going in one cycle over and over, ever think that there's more to life than just this. I remember when you two broke up and a few weeks, month passed by and you were doing good and then she came back, same drama started back up. Honestly why are you let this continue. Literally if you read your entire story its gone in one gigantic circle of drama and you stressed and not having a good time in life. Honestly you know what's it like not being with this girl and what's it like being with her. Where does the good outweigh the bad, and vice versa.


Just my two cents on this... take it for what it is...

Thanks mdoli... for your input.

The good outweighs the bad in those fleeting moments of intimacy... when she is at her best, being herself and loving me for who I am and what we are.

The bad is... everything else. :O

Its those moments that are hard to give up... becuase, if I didn't look at that part, then the decision would have been easy.

Any comments from everyone out there... those who understand what I'm talking about are appreciated... those who have loved many and have lost many as well...

Thanks.

Why do you keep asking for comments? You already know what we are going to say but YOU won't give up! You say the good outweighs the bad when the two of you are intimate and she is being herself. Hello!! Even when she is bad, she is being herself too! I think You are obsessed. I think we are all getting tired of you not caring for yourself. You only think of her. Why? Please, in your next post just block all the good and make a list of 50 or so of things that she has done throughout the relationship that has hurt you. List all crazy things she has done and list any thing bad you can think of about her... take your time but please do this ASAP! Trust me... I am waiting plus this WILL help..

I can't believe what I'm reading to be honest... how can you care so little for your own emotional and mental well being?

I have just come out of a very bad relationship, me hanging on to the good fleeting moment, a case of when its good its heaven and when its bad its hell... if your honest with yourself you know the bad outways the good... its time to say good bye, for yourself... you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them and she obviously doesn't.

As for your stupid arguments, I said before you are OK for her while she is bored, something better came along so you can now go. You have described exactly what I have said.

What hold does she have over you that you cannot say good bye? You don't have kids... yes you have invested time but look where that has got you, she isn't a very nice person and hasn't changed in those years and she's not about to, she's happy as she is... its all your fault, you cause the problems... sound familiar??

You need a clean break and let it go, it won't get better with her and she won't change or love you more... please, for yourself, let her go x

Thanks for your comment destiny09...

Your post has made me think.

I like to go out for a good time as well but when we do so, she picks fights with me when she drinks too much, which is usually the case... and we wind up in separate beds... sheesh !


That's a real red flag.

There are tons of women in the world. Sometimes it is better to know when a women we may care about isn't going to work out in the long run. Cut your losses man. Life is too short.

The only thing harder than keeping a dead relationship alive is knowing when to throw in the flag when it is clear things aren't working.

Please, in your next post just block all the good and make a list of 50 or so of things that she has done throughout the relationship that has hurt you. List all crazy things she has done and list any thing bad you can think of about her... take your time but please do this ASAP! Trust me... I am waiting plus this WILL help..

If she really loves you, going NC will wake her up and she will miss you. You are right, you might lose her this way, but that would be because she wants you under these existing terms or not at all. You have to find out if she can still want you with your balls in-tact. You seem to be blinded by her outward beauty and selling your entire self to keep her on your arm. Are you okay with that, really/ Look inside her and see if she can be a mature loving person worthy of you, or if she's just a good looking brat that is willing to grace y ou with her presence so long as you never judge yourelf equal with her. I'm a chick, and I've been immature in the past. And there was always some guy I could hurt over and over and be a temperamental witch to and he'd always be there. I'm not proud of it and would never be like that again. BUT, you should know, I never really respected those guys, and most women, even the good-looking ones, will not make themselves crazy over them either.

Wow... thanks quest_ioner... interesting perspective coming from a woman... I really appreicate it... im going to remain N/C.

And well, just go from there. I showed her that I DO have a pair... with the last argument that we had and I think that is why is got so upset... never thought that I would be like that to HER!

She didn't expect it. And I didn't do it to prove a point... but I did it because I NEEDED to... because of everything that I learned from everyone here on this forum.

So... me going N/C will prove whether she accpets me and my Balz... or not. Simple as that... its been 4 days so far...

Comments?

But you shouldn't be doing it to see if she accepts you and your balz, it should be about getting this jerk of a person out of your life. It's hard I know, not to focus on the other person but you have to... it's been way too long for you.

You are doing things here and there, but you are still letting HER be the deciding factor in IF your relationship goes anywhere. Why should she have that power.

She knows what to say and will have you come running. She knows this, because she has done it before.

It's not an easy thing to do, I know. She may have outter beauty but inner beauty not so much.

You have mentioned there were some good times when you felt so connected, but think of how many times she blammed the bad times on you when you did nothing wrong.

Think of how many times you were blown off or put down. How many times she changed whatever it was YOU were going through something and made it about her. Think of all those times she treated you as if you were lucky to have her, and she was better than you.

I know how all that feels and it feels like crap. This chick is an abuser. How do I know? Because I have been abused. Have I hurt people, sure, do I regret it, yes. But I can see the hurt behind your words and how desperately you want to believe that she really loves you and wants to change, that she will change if she realizes she could lose you.

These people THRIVE on that kind of thing because they know they have you right where they wan't you. They know how to reel you back in just to push you away. I know what it's like to think if I just show them how serious I am this ONE last time, they will wake up and realize what they are doing. Well, they don't. It's a game, and we, the victims, keep on letting them win.

She is NOT going to change. YOU deserve better. You don't need to show her you deserve better, you need to show YOU that you deserve better.

Take heed in JustLaws' post...

My ex was a user & abuser narcissist too.

Spend your time and thoughts about yourself.

Sounds like realization hasn't set in yet, believe me, I know that feeling. That pain of rejection alters us. The residual stuff.

As long as you have & practice total NC, you don't have to be concerned with her ever again.

Cause after all, she's gone, everything else is up to you.

Van

Oh, and BTW..

Use this to recognize who not to get involved with.

Recognize the good people out there.

Thank you justlaw for your thoughtful words...

Yeah, your dead on about how I feel... I really do seem to want to think and believe that she will see how much she will really miss me when I'm gone for real...

It's a lot to process... but thank you for your encouragement and if you have any more thoughts, let me know.

One question justlaw:

How do you "see" the hurt behind my words? That is sooo dead on. Is it that obvious everyone? Sheesh.

I know how hard it is Crazy because I am going through it now. It feels like someone ripped out your heart and are laughing at you as if you are nothing without them. It kills you inside and makes you feel like you are worthless and only with THEM can you be whole.

I feel the pain with every breath I take. But you know what, even though it's pain I feel, at least I CAN feel. These people don't feel and deep down they are miserable. Think how sad they must be if this is the only way they can achieve any type of... anything.

They don't change, they just string you along and get better at the game. They always believe they are one step ahead and you are twenty steps back. They don't think we are smart and really are worth their time, until they need to use us like a drug for a quick fix.

The realization is that our lives can change. A narcsist (which sounds like to me what you are dealing with) almost never change... and if so, it would take so much therapy your great grand kids would be great grand parents.

You have to do for you what she should be doing for you, and that is letting go. It's hard and sometimes you have to do it bit by bit. Don't belittle yourself when you fall, I have fallen many a time, but I do get back up.

You know something is not right, or else you wouldn't be here. You know it's deeper than "I'll show her" or else you wouldn't be here.

I'm not saying it's easy. I am not treating you like I think it will be easy for you. It's not and I know first hand, it's not. You existed and had a life LONG before her and you will long after her. There is hope. She is not your everything, you are your everything and she can never take that away from you!

thank you justlaw for your thoughtful words....

yeah, your dead on about how i feel...i really do seem to want to think and believe that she will see how much she will really miss me when im gone for real.....

its a lot to process....but thank you for your encouragement and if you have any more thoughts, let me know.

I feel your pain with that because I'm in the same boat. The love of my life, so he said, decided he didn't want to say anyting to hurt me the day after I was sexually assaulted by my brother in law, that it would be better if he just stopped communicating with me all together. Now the good part is, he NEVER told me that, I was to figure it out alone and deal with the after math. Sound like a man who loves someone? Sound like a dude who is making it all about him? Sound at all familiar.

I am not telling you anyting I haven't been told about myself or have lived myself. It sucks, but then so do they. You may become so angry you want to hate and you may do that for a while... but you will find yourself. The real you, is in there and is just waiting to be reborn. Everything takes time. You were abused. You need to talk to someone.

one question justlaw:

how do you "see" the hurt behind my words? that is sooo dead on. is it that obvious everyone? sheesh.

Crazy I am very intuitive, but only with other people darn my luck. I don't know, I can just feel your hurt. I am very empathetic. I know what you are going through because I have been there. I have done the things you are doing, had the same hopes and the same thoughts.

I know the hope that goes into each day thinking "maybe this time they'll get it" but then you feel so sad and hurt when they don't. You start thinking what's wrong with me that they treat me this way... why aren't they acting like they say they feel?

I know you are hurting and when you type I can feel sadness from my present and past experiences through what you say... because I have said the same things.

You have a lot of hope, just misplaced is all. She is not worthy of you, your hope or your love. You have given it to her for how long and look how she has treated your heart. Now ask yourself, could you treat someone you love that way?? Chances are no, am I correct?

People are only going to treat us the way we LET them. She doesn't have the power... YOU DO!

Thanks JustLaw,

Your comments help me too.

Its so true. The realization of that disorder and what comes with it.

The "why didnt I realize" "why did i continue being used" the "does my ex realize what theyve done?' "Are they happy now?"

The constant tapes & conversations/actions that run through our mind.

But Ive used those tapes and they have helped me to heal.

It sucks, feel like Ive wasted 4 months on worrying about this, searching for answers and learning how to live without her & this.

But it just takes time, strength & spiritual work.

If you are worried that there will never be any sentiment, listen to justlaws' quote "could you treat someone you love that way?"

Van

Van I'm sorry you had to deal with that...

Remember though, they are never happy. They want people to THINK they have it all together and they even fool themselves into for a while but when that façade wears off they panic and try to find someone else who will think they are all that and more.

I'm hurting so much right now myself. I'm holding back the tears and feel so alone. What the nimwit did and when is beyond cruel.

Yup, I know.

But those why's don't really matter, especially when you are dealing with that element. Perpetuates the low self esteem on their victims.

I know those lonely feelings. But I am no longer attaching those to my ex.
Like you said, we are allowing it, and after.

Ya know, at this point, I don't feel anger, and the rejection is really fading. If anything, I feel sad in the removal of her. The times that I thought were special, only to realize that they really weren't.

I am a bit ashamed, if anything that I allowed myself to feel love for someone like that. Boy, did I waste a lot of love on the wrong person & waited for her to give it back..

Van

Thanks justlaw and vanheart...

I'm going to sleep on all of what you said...

You know, in one of our most recent fights... I admit I was drunk and I asked her : "why do you hate me so much?" what did I do that you treat me like this...

The next day she said that she doesn't "hate" me... she hates the things that I do... um... ok.?

Good one.

Now concentrate on the things you do & will do, the ones you already know are cool & not defined by her or anyone. The things that loving and caring people dig. Including you.

Try not to let those past fights crush you. After all, that's in the past. The words have already been spoken...

One hardest thing that I have learned is to deal with those triggers. We all have them. To see them when they appear, acknowledge it, take something from it, then let it go.

Ive been trying not live to far in the past or future lately. Helps recognize what makes me feel good.

Just wanted add something I was thinking about.

Those types will always bring you up only to let you down & see how much more you are willing to take. Who can they latch onto. Make you cater to there twisted whims. All make believe...

But not just you, everyone they touch.

Be glad you don't have to succumb to that anymore.

Thanks JustLooking,
Glad to see that happy face again.
Been wondering about you.

you know, in one of our most recent fights....i admit i was drunk and i asked her : "why do you hate me so much?" what did i do that you treat me like this......

the next day she said that she doesnt "hate" me...she hates the things that i do.....um....ok. ????



They will trip you up every time. That's what drives us crazy. Their behavior and their words don't match and we don't know what to believe. Believe in her actions twoards you.

Yeah...

I'm looking at her ACTIONS towards me... not her words... thanks for the insight.

Yeah...

I'm looking at her ACTIONS towards me... not her words... thanks for the insight.

MOTHERF**&R...

IS THERE NO END TO WHAT THIS WOMAN CAN DO TO ME?!

I'm on Facebook and she's obviously a friend... I don't want to delete her because I don't want to seem that she has gotten to me.. u know? And she hasn't deleted me either, don't know why if she supposedly is broken up with me... anyway...

I read today that she is going to attend a Holloween Party... without me... and its supposed to be some bad big party... now we have always done things together on halloween and now I find out that she's going to do this!

I'm so upset and hurt that I found this out...

Looking at her actions... its clear that what everyone says is true but dang... I didn't think she was this cold... :(

Delete her from your life. I could go on a huge long story about the why and the what... that isn't necessary. DELETE her from your life NOW! Take your life back into your own hands. She only does to you what you allow her to do.

If you re in a relationship with someone who uses you as an emotional punchbag you LEAVE them-you delete them from FB and from whatever other networking sites there are.Delete their number change yours and don't ever speak to them again.Then you get to keep your dignity your sanity and your selfrespect.

Wow Crazy… you sure are crazy.

I read this whole LOOOONG thread today. Did you ever hear the definition of insanity? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. In my opinion you obviously have no self respect. She craps on you and you suck it up and ask for more. How do you expect her to respect you? I like to believe that women want a man someone who can stand up for himself, has an opinion, and takes a position other than on his knees begging. Crazy you're not living a dream but rather a repetitive nightmare.

I'm sorry but this girl is a lost cause for you. I think until you 'man-up' and grow a pair she will, as will others, keep doing the same thing and you'll be the good little eunuck cowering at her feet. If you think manning up is actually speaking your opinion once, during one argument, think again.

I realize this is going to fall upon death ears but I'll say it once again;
• NO CONTACT
• Delete her from Facebook, Myspace, etc… This is only for you and your cyber-stalking you're not fooling anyone but yourself.
• Ignore her and her actions, remain unaffected. Or at least try to act unaffected for once.
• Get a life. Get out there and meet some people. Have fun, enjoy yourself.
• Learn to have some self-respect. Lift weights, take a workshop, anything that'll give you even a little self confidence and self respect. Dude… come on…

For the love of Christ… don't ask for any more comments. You've been told again and again. What is the definition of insanity?!

If you re in a relationship with someone who uses you as an emotional punchbag you LEAVE them-you delete them from FB and from whatever other networking sites there are.Delete their number change yours and dont ever speak to them again.Then you get to keep your dignity your sanity and your selfrespect.

Zactly...

Yo crazy,

When I joined this site, I really didn't know what to do or who to turn to. Amongst my friends & family.

The early advise here, I adhered to and believed,

That's why I decided to go NC. For me after 4 or 5 days. Imagine that with a broken heart. All due to the advise here. Start listening.

Its hard as sh**t. but worth it.

I didn't even know what that meant. But did it. Endured the texts, emails hang ups & her efforts of trying to get to me through my pals. Ive felt the pain and reveled in the joy. All without contact.

The sooner you do this, the sooner you will start again.

Thanks vanheart... can't sleep...

Just wondering "WHY"? All this had to happen again and again... u know? Is it me or is it that she's diagnosed depressed and not her fault... its hard to know which. You know, if its really her doing this or her mental condition... either way, I'm the one suffering from it... balls or no balls, I could end it. I don't have a problem with my manhood... I just still love her.

Sounds weak but its true. 5 years is a long time... but anyway... im still having no contact... for what that's worth... thanks for your comments everyone... tomorrow is another day...

You know,it really was great in the beginning... and still up to a couple of weeks ago... it was incredible... how she made me feel so loved... but yet she also made me feel like crap...

Yup 5 years is a long time to be deceived.

And you say you still love her? Why? Do you love this?

Yuk.

Stop worrying about her & why.

She doesn't care or love you. That's why you're here.

Focus your love in the proper places, starting with you.

The past is done. As is this post. The future is yours.

Hi everyone...

It's a Friday night... home alone because I don't want to go out... im just in a real PIS$ off mood right now. Have been all day...

I want to call it a night but I'm just very angry in general. I don't know what to do so that I can turn all this into a positive you know? I feel very destructive... and my thoughts turn to all the bs that I'm going through with her. Its just upseting... is there any advice you have out there where I can not be so angry?

Thanks... and I mean I can take my mind off it for a bit, but I come back to all the bs and it makes me angry again...

Be angry. Be happy. She sucks.

And yes, turn it around. Get in touch w/all of those emotions and work at it. Figure out who you are.

Stop dwelling. Its over.

When you think of her, think about yourself & how you plan to move on.

Doesn't seem like you're willing to work at it & you would rather wallow.

Do you want to keep feeling like this?

Up to you, man...

All of the answers you seek are inside you.
Find them. Dig.

Van

Thanks vanheart...

All of the answers you seek are inside you.
Find them. Dig.

van

That's straight shooting there.

Listen, you either make up your mind to move on or you wallow in you self-pity and pain. It's up to you, A or B?!

Just get up and do something, anything, shine your shoes, clean the toilet, call a friend. Anything is better than sinking in your own S(crap)T!

Im sure you ve noticed that we re all saying more or less the same thing here-it would be a good idea if you could,for your own wellbeing try to get into a mindset where you actually stop letting your broken heart rule your head and start walking away, for good from this toxic excuse for a relationship. You ve let your life be hi-jacked by the constant dwelling upon everything this person who is not in any way able to have a proper relationship with anyone does says or thinks .
It s time to let this go.

Well hi everyone... I read your great advice... last night... didnt do a thing today... but hang out with some friends... back at home for the night. I don't feel like getting drunk or anything... anyway...

I JUST got a text telling me this from HER: "I'm Sorry but it is OVER NOW and i really MEAN it this time."

What the Fu&& ?

Well, she texted me again and asked if I got her text and I said yes...

And then she texted... : "im not going to go into the reasons or anything via text... so, if you want, email me later...

Whatever.

I didn't respond. Nor will I.


Comments please... thnx

Eww... disgusting

Remove this abuser once & for all.
Don't give her anymore opportunities to hurt you.

Don't ever respond.

Is there much point in being in a relationship that one sided?

If she has any proper feelings for you like 'love' for example she wouldn't be treating you the way she is with the one word answers.

I hate to be the one to point it out but she sounds spoilt in this relationship, like as if she has to get her own way or its an argument and you try to please her every time. Am I right?

I think you should try the NC and if she has any proper feelings for you she'll come back and apologise and catch a grip of herself, if she doesn't then you'll find someone better, just give it time.


And as for the text message, I think she's wanting you to come back begging and pleading again because that's what she's used to? She texted a second time because the NC is not what she's used to. The split will do you good.

Yeah, I find it pretty damn disgusting too everyone...

I'm not going to respond to her after how she's treated me... not going to allow her to hurt me again and again... so... im just going N/C.

And your right Lauren.. she was spoiled in this relationship and it was very one sided.. I did everything to keep it together... and when I raised my voice and had a "pair" of ballz like everyone advised... she got upset... and left... whatever... I couldn't win with this woman. I really think that she planned all of this somehow... shes very clever in what she does... maybe she has some other dude.. whatever... its N/C for me...

Ill tell everyone what she is saying... because I'm sure she's not going to like me going N.C... because that just wasn't me... wish me luck!

;)

Good move. Do it. Rock it.

But, don't expect any more words from her. Block her. She's said enough.

Make her stop trying. Ignore her.

OK

I do have some clothes over at her place that id like to get though... fyi... how do I handle that?

Depends on how important they are.

If u can't live w/o them, then figure out a way where you don't have to see or talk to her, if not be short & civil.

Then NC baby.

Buy new clothes.

Take it from the emporer..

Treat yourself to brand new clothes and don't look back.

WOW, she really is a one, she really is trying pull on your heart strings with that text. She knows hearing that from her will put you back to square one with your feelings and make you come running... your actions have confused her so she's going for the heart!

If your being honest there might be an element of wanting/hoping to see her and that everything will be OK if you go to get your clothes, if you mean what you say, leave them, they are only clothes, they can be replaced.

Good luck with it all

:) glad you've taking our advice! As for the clothes, would she happen to have any of her belongings at your house? If she does she may eventually ask for them back, there's your chance to get your stuff back, if not talaniman is spot on... new clothes for a fresh start :D x

Yeah... ok... no biggie... I mean I love my clothes and all about 300 dollars worth... but, I can get new ones... I don't NEED them that much everyone... im just wondering if she's going to say something about them...

On another note today... I had commented on a picture of her the other day before going NC and just said as a comment in Facebook... "i love this picture of you"...

Then today... without warning... she commented on MY comment about it the other day saying: "really? because at the time you were pist off about me texting on my phone!"

What the heck?

Why would she say that to me today? I think she's trying to draw me into some talking directly to her... but I didn't respond. As a matter of fact, I have a feeling that she's going to try to say something to me tomorrow so that I will go over to see her for whatever reason... im dreading that... because I don't want her to contact me... and I don't want to go over to see her...

Bottom line, I'm not going to but I'm just saying.. I hope she doesn't try...

As for deleting her on FAcebook... havent done that yet... I feel right now that if I do, shell think that she has "control" over me and hurt me.. and I don't want that... but its funny because... all day today she's been updating her profile on how much "FUN" she is having... with whatever...

Do comment... ;)

Don't worry what she thinks. Delete her & don't worry if she tries to suck you back in. When you practice NC wholeheartedly, the less you will dread the implications and manipulation. Because you won't allow it.

Don't give her any more opportunities & stop checking up on her, that only brings more heartache & less healing.

Van

Delete her from Facebook. Stop caring about what she thinks.

Just wanted to say, I feel for you.

But stop now. Im mean start.

You ask for comments, but don't seem to really listen to what everyone is saying. Why? Clothes, Facebook, Halloween parties...

You know, the reason Im even posting here is because so many have helped me. I care about people in the same boat. Because I know the pain.

Especially that we have similar exs. That's a whole other ball of wax.

I hope I can get some advice from you sometime.

C'mon buddy. Its time to start.

I agree with van completely, she is trying to suck you into conversation and checking what's she's doing on Facebook is messing with your own heart.

LEave it all alone, delete her from everything you have in common and move on.

When and IF she contacts you then deal with it, don't spend time worrying on the what if's... it'll never end if you do

Take care of yourself, go and enjoy life without her because there really is life without her!

Thanks everyone for your help...

:) its Monday and I feel pretty good.

Great-keep going-keep busy.

Everyday will get easier

Going to head to the gym... get in shape. :)

That is such garbage! She acts like a total immature brat and you think he should reward her? What planet are you on? Just because you have an opening between your legs doesn't grant you the power to treat guys like dogs. Get over that stuff. What points in his post did you see that would lead you to believe he didn't respect her? He doesn't respect himself...that is the problem here.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
Righto. Don't comprise with your selfrespect. If you will go after her again and again she will still treat you like this and one day uwill end up losing evrything. Show some attitude. She takes you for granted and considers you for a fool. Same happened with me. But I never compromised with myself respect. Better to die tha losing ones self respect...

Completely blank her.. the only conversation you should ever have with her again is about getting your belongings back if they mean so much but let her bring it up first. DELETE her from Facebook or every time you come online you'll be checking up on her and will usually always get the heartache that comes with it! I learnt that the hard way. But seriously you do need to move on now...

It doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters what you think. What she thinks is invalid and distorted. YOU know why you would delete her, not her... and THAT'S all that matters. Let her think what she wants, it will change a million times anyway.

Glad to see that you are taking the first steps & that's doing things for your well-being.

One thing I was thinking is that when go go total NC, YOU become the one in control. Removing any drama from your ex.

You will battle with your feelings and run all of those conversations through your head, but have eliminated all current or future personal pain caused directly by her.

To show YOURSELF how strong you can really be despite her. She didn't and will never know.

To change your habits.

Don't mean to keep inundating you.

But your situation brings back a lot for me.

Ya know after a week or so after I went NC. I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. The saved sweet voicemails, emails, photos, love notes, mementos, gifts, personal belongings. Even furniture, towels, bedding, dish cloths...

I had enough in my head. Didn't want the visuals.

Felt awful about it too, all though tears & despair. But did it & glad for it now. Never did that before.

I think now about those personal things & only think that it I was just her hotel. And associate it with trying to leave a mark. Like a dog peeing on a hydrant. "How does it smell?" "Still attracted to me?"

Its all about actions.

By deleting all the photos.the voicemail, emails and when we get rid of whatever belongings of theirs they ve left behind we are left with the one tool we need to recover -ourselves.
Keeping 100 % NC is essential
Yes there will be memories good and bad and that can be hurtful-for as long as we let them.
And in the longrun the relationship was another learning experience.

NC is hard, your right it puts you in control but it also normally means they come running once they no they are losing you. The even harder bit is to say no and mean it. Your def right about getting rid of their stuff too, its still a piece of them in your life and home, the visuals make them real so much harder to deal with than your thoughts. We have all been here or are still here like me and every day you hope it gets easier and better but it will, just remember that.

Forgive my analogies, Im in advertising. I think that way.. but those are to help at whatever moment. To help me too. No manipulation here.

We will laugh and cry through this. As everything we experience as humans with a heart. But only if we truly listen. If we don't then, we don't evolve.

But as amicon says, learn. Willingly..

One other thing. You can tell me to shut up.

For me, the hardest thing is the realization. To remove her.
Asking those questions. "Did she, does she or will she ever care?"

The answer is no.

... and so why should you. Why should you care anymore?

OK everyone... the update...

She wrote me a long email... saying that it was all my fault and that she needs to break it off with me for "herself" respect and that she needs to do things for herself now... but that maybe we should take a "break"... for now, and if I or her find someone new... then that's the chance shell take... but that for now... she needs to be alone... but then again, she said... maybe in a couple of months... we can revisit it...

I wrote her back... said... well OK. No ones to blame.. etc... just being a nice guy back to her but saying... that its OK.


So , after that... I thought things were done... right? Well, then 2 days later, she texts me... saying something stupid... like passing along an mass joke email... "thought you might like this"...

Then she texts me for help with her remote control... the following day... both times I text her back just answering her questions... nothing more...

Haven't heard from her yesterday or today... and I'm not contacting her...

That's the latest guys and gals...

I feel OK... but I have to admit late last night, it was hard because I wanted to text her or email her... because I was lonely and missed her believe it or not.. after all the bs she's put me through... but I didn't...

Comments?

Comments: QUIT TALKING TO HER!

You are broken up, so act like it. How long are you going to let this confusion linger?

Same advice as before, disappear, this time for good. Things aren't going to change the 3rd time around. How many times do you honestly want to ride this ride? Things get hard, that's life. I wonder how she's going to handle real life

That's what I thought too... im like... honey... its over... YOU broke it off. What the heck? Why are you contacting me? Leave me alone. Its like she's trying to ease her guilt of breaking off with me I think... that if I respond to her, she's like... well he's taking it well so... everythings OK what I did to him... I don't feel like she's still giving me any respect my texting me... oh... she just texted me to ask if if I wanted to go to lunch tomorrow..?

And... I just got a call right now from her friend saying that she talked to him and now... just wants a BREAK or TIME Off being together... she doesn't want to END it completely? I'm thinking... what? Then... she wants me as a BOOTIE CALL?

Question... if she asks me to be her friend with benefits... do you think I should do that? I mean... it is great sex and all... or is this just childish.. thanks...

question.....if she asks me to be her friend with benefits...do u think i should do that? i mean...it is great sex and all...or is this just childish...? thanks....

**Harshness warning**
Do you seriously not know the answer to this? What do you think would be the smart move? To sit there and be used like a condom or to grow up, leave each other alone and find a more functional situation to be in?

You cannot possibly tell me you have lost your brain in this entire process. Act like a man and move on. That is what a break up is, a fresh start, not a path to meaningless sex.

Yup, he's still not listening.

Yeah... the smart move would let it be. No I haven't lost my brain... I was just asking what the heck is she thinking?

What is wrong with this woman?

yeah...the smart move would let it be. no i havent lost my brain...i was just asking what the heck is she thinking?

what is wrong with this woman?

She does what you enable her to do!

Write this down: Ignorance is bliss!

Cut her out of your life and you are better for it!

That's fine... I just don't understand what her deal is? Is she Borderline Personality? Plain crazy? I not letting her do anything now...

After all this, I just want to know what her problem is? If anyone out there has been with a woman like this... what did you think was wrong with her?

Immature? What?

Her problem is not wanting to let you go but not wanting you either and your letting her keep you hanging on!!

More fool you if you do

Again, you aren't getting what we are saying. Take it from me, you can spend YEARS trying to understand the female brain and it will just confuse you more. You will have better luck trying to do Chinese Mathemathics

Don't worry about her 'deal'-just ignore her and get on with your life.

I have to think somewhere she is on another message board asking the question: "What is wrong with him? He continues to fall for every stupid thing I do! Is he immature, is he just crazy?? I mean, what??"

:cool:

destiny..Her problem is not wanting to let you go but not wanting you either and your letting her keep you hanging on!!!

Why would she not let me go but not want me either??

Anyone?

I've got to go to the gym... get my frustrations out... ill be back in a bit... but comments are aprreciated..

She doesn't want to let you go because she knows you're a good man and doesn't want anyone else to have you.

Don't let her do it

This is destined to be one of those 'sticky threads' for what NOT to do when you break up. Unless of course you feel the need to be someone's doormat.

Destiny...

She doesn't want to let you go because she knows you're a good man and doesn't want anyone else to have you.

If this is true... then why is doesn't she want me? It doesn't make sense. Does she just want me to be "backup" for when SHE is ready? After doing what she is going to do with others or what?

Confused.

She's playing a game with your emotions. Wanting something when you think you can't have it, when you get it you don't want it. Let her be to play her games without you. Its not worth it, you won't get the happy ending or change in her you want. It just won't happen so let her go and leave it alone.

OK destiny09... just wanted clarification...

I haven't heard anyhing from her so far... ill keep you all posted... meanwhile... im just talking to some new friends... maybe going to go out tomorrow night with them.

Crazy, crazy, crazy!!

You are letting her keep you close, and available to her. WHY she does this? Yes its true she doesn't want an official relationship with you, but she does want you in the "friend zone" so she can have you without any commitment, or guilt, until someone else comes along.

Then she doesn't have to break up with you, just do whatever she wants, and cut face time with you, until she is too busy schmoozing some other guy, to be there for you at all.

A brilliant strategy, used by females (and males for sure) for centuries, so you see, she doesn't have to take you back because as long as she is on your mind, and you can't get your own life, and disappear from hers, she has you where she wants you, the way she wants you, when she wants you, however she wants you. Got that?

Thats why we tell you to stop All contacts, and ignore ALL texts, and you disappear from her life.

If you don't, any misery and pain, is YOUR fault, and not hers. And that what she will tell you when she gets another guy, and leaves you dead in the dust, its your fault not hers because she told you she wanted a break, but you just kept coming back for more, on your own.

Now you know the whole story, what are you going to do??

talaniman...

You see, THAT is what I suspected she was up to but unsure about it... because I couldn't tell if she was just you know, borderline personality... and maybe had some mental issues... and because of that... needed some time... to get her act together... or if as you say, its part of a bigger plan she has to keep me involved and ease her guilt so that she can just dump me again when she has another guy...

Meanwhile... she does exactly as you say!

Thanks for telling that to me straight... because I was confused... I don't want to be used like that... ill make sure that by having no contact, that SHE is the one who experiences pain... the pain of me NOT responding to her.

Any more pearls of wisdom... are welcomed... ill keep you posted on what she does next... im sure that she's going to try something...

And ps...

The way she has always treated me in the past is how you describe what she would do... its very errie how when I was reading your comments and was thinking that SHE is going to do exactly what you say she's going to do..

I just don't know or understand how this woman can be so cruel to me... someone whom she's loved for 5 years... no self pity.. just confounded... or how I LET her do this... for all these years...

Don't sweat it, you didn't know any better, now you do. That's the difference. Hey when it happened to me, I didn't know any better either.

I agree. Don't reply to the texts, don't be the nice guy here. She is expecting you to be the nice guy and is throwing you bits and pieces here and there to make sure she stays on your mind.

You blow her off and ignore her and she feels that she needs to send you an email to tell you she is taking a break... oh give ME a break. She's trying to protect her self image by saying she broke off with you, NOT you with her.

She knows what she is doing and she is doing it on purpose and you are falling for it every time. She's playing you and you are letting her.

It will NEVER make sense, you will never figure it out. Once you think you have, she will just mix it up again.

Personally, if it were me and I would have gotten the text about the break up after all that had happened... I would have texted back that ONE time to say "I'm one step ahead of you" and then no more contact.

I know I shouldn't say to do that, but right now, I'm burning up.

She wants you to miss her, she wants you to be lonely. She doesn't want you to miss her because she cares and misses you... she wants you to miss her because she wants CONTROL. It's all about her and control.

She uses people like a drug. She sounds like a narcasist to me, and that's what they do, use people as drugs. She needs you to worship her, and you do. She needs you to miss her, and you do.

Why does she need these things? It feeds her ego.. it makes her feel like she is all that she pretends to be and without that reinforcement, they go bazerk.

They think everyone else is below them. Ever catch her saying something to you and then later denying she ever said it... even if it were two minutes ago? They make you feel like you are losing your mind and you are at fault... sound familiar?

DO NOT EMAIL. DO NOT TEXT. DON'T REPLY.

You owe this to yourself.

Yeah... thats funny because in her email about the Break up... or Time off... she said at the end... of it that she NEEDS to do this... for HERSELF.! How about that...

Yeah, I won't text her back... but if she's this crazy... do you think if I'm not a nice guy and just let her have her way... U know, make her THINK that she's winning.. that she's going to go psycho on me?

Remember people that she DID come to my apartment complex and TOOK a pic of my car to PROVE to me that I was here and that I didn't go somewhere else... when we had a fight..! :O

How do I extracate myself out of her life completely... then... or like you say... just continue to go NC and then come back here for advice if she begins to go crazy?

Thanks

You just do it. You will drive yourself crazy trying to analyze why she is the way she is... it will not make any sense. No one knows what she is because all they have is your side of things.

If she texts, don't reply.
If she emails, don't reply.
If she calls, don't answer.
If she has one of her friends get in touch with her... change the subject or just say you would rather not talk about her.

She's doing what she's doing because YOU ARE LETTING HER.

She's going to do crazy things that make NO sense. Expect that . You are not going to get any straight answers.

JUST STOP IT !

Doesn't matter what she does, if you are confronted, let her do the crazy stuff. If your doing what you should be doing for yourself, leaving her alone, then its up to her to be smart, and take the hint, and leave you alone.

When someone cannot push your buttons, and get a reaction from you, they lose all control over you, and you keep your power.

Just never let her bait you into something stupid. That's why you just vanish from her life, and let her play games with someone else.

The good news is if she takes the hint, your good to go. The other good news is, if she doesn't take the hint, you'll see how crazy she really is. You win either way.

Very interesting... way of viewing things thanks a lot people..!

Ill keep u posted...

I DO KNOW THAT SHE ALWAYS has to be "the one in control" all the time... and she even admitted that to me...

Anyway...

Its all very good everyone giving you the advice but if you, within yourself still can't let go its falling on deaf ears.

We are all here to help and give advice where we can but only you can action it.

Try to take some time out, have a good think about yourself and what you want from here.

You need to really put her behind you, to start thinking that way and reading your responses to the advice given you don't sound like you have let go and would go back instantly if she asked.

There is no understanding a woman like that, I doubt even she knows why she does what she does so you have NO chance

In my opinion our friend Crazy has no desire to move on yet. He's waiting on someone to tell him that if he does A, B, and C she'll come running back to him.

I think we've all been there. Advice isn't going to help he's going to have to suffer this one out himself and gather a little life experience so the next time he's a little better prepared and makes some better choices in handling the situation.

In my opinion our friend Crazy has no desire to move on yet. He’s waiting on someone to tell him that if he does A, B, and C she’ll come running back to him.

I think we’ve all been there. Advice isn’t going to help he’s going to have to suffer this one out himself and gather a little life experience so the next time he’s a little better prepared.

74 pages of good advice would suggest you have a very valid point.

Carry on Crazy... :cool:

Tal, is right on. You win with NC.

Once you ignore her completely, she won't have you to manipulate any longer.

Be strong and take control over this.

Don't give her the satisfaction of hurting you for another minute.

One thing is for sure. You are not a liar. With your name stating CRAZYoverher, you have sure proved with 74 pages of ignored advice. You keep asking for advice but do what you want. You are using us. We get it. You want us to be by your side while you continue to let this monster control you. Just grow up already. This is getting pathetic since page 2. Take care of yourself and move on already. Find a way to love yourself!

Update...

So I went out last night, had a great time... was having a great time... then she texted me: "Please be careful when tonight"

She knew I was going out because I always do something on a Friday night...

I didn't text her back.

Then... the evening progresses and she texts me again: "i hope you are not driving tonight"

I didn't text her back.

This morning she texts me: "will u please let me know that you made it home safely and that you're ok"

I texted her: "yes, im fine"

She texted back: "i figured since your facebook page was updated."

That's all for today...

You know I just wish you d change your AMHD username to overher, and mean it.

Good one amicon

Her reason for texting you is to look like she cares and pull on your heart strings till you answer... unfortunately you answered her so the game she is playing she won!!

No matter what she texts or says... dont reply, no matter how heart felt you think it is... it will be nothing more than a selfish game to draw you back in to dump you again!!

Exactly.
My ex did the same. Just selfish guilt and to see if I would beg & plead.
Sick jollies.
Show her that she underestimated your strength.
Let her toy w/someone else.

Oh NO..! Please answer everyone of those texts… Seriously!! Pick up every call she makes to you, phone her mom & dad, hell call her teacher, and damn don't forget the preacher. Get on it man…!! DO IT NOW!!

This is how you get her to come back! No one… and I mean NO ONE has ever tried this before! Dude… did you send her flowers? Did you go to her work/school yet?! You know she'll be more than surprised to see you there! I mean don't be shy!! Please… profess your undying love, your devotion, and by all means propose marriage! HELL propose several times… not once but at least quadruple! There are dozens if not hundreds watching, waiting, anticipating the result. Seriously!

….and finally when you get shut down for the X-numerth time… please… for the love of God…

…see if jimmy and the twins are there yet, eh?


The previous text/message was made for CRAZY people, idiots and fools. I hope you're smart enough to figure it out.

You forgot to mention holding the ghetto blaster over your head playing "In Your Eyes" outside her window...

Thanks destiny09...


I appreciate it. :)

So... what's going on thse days?