HI everyone, I have been reading the posts for a week now and they have helped me realize that I'm not alone in my situation... nonetheless here's my story... Please give me advice if you can!! Thank you.

Well, my GF of 5 years is having NC with me. I love her and she loves me but we had a big fight last week and now she isn't responding to any of my emails, texts,. and if she does, then it is a one word response. She has broken up with me in the past but we have always gotten back together. I came crawling back. Pleading, begging for her to recognize how special our love is.. and so she did.

But she has a mean streak in her and likes to cut off contact with me when she throws her tantrums... I just done know if this is one of them or if she really broke up with me! That's my problem.. and if she did break up, then I want her back because I love her. I admit I have NO self respect anymore and she probably doesn't respect me.. but I don't care... I want what I want and I want her!! Please help me. What do you think? And if I have NC with her then, she will break up with me I'm sure and I don't want that...

I admit i have NO self respect anymore and she probably doesnt respect me ..but i dont care...i want what i want and i want her!!!! please help me. what do you think? and if i have NC with her then, she will break up with me im sure and i dont want that....

I think, reading this paragraph, it presents a huge problem that will doom every relationship you have for a long period.

Here are some finer points to consider:

1. If she throws tantrums like this and cannot learn to communicate, then it ain't worth it, seriously.

2. USUALLY couples that break up often, then get back together, stay in that same, stupid, wasteful pattern as long as they know each other. The problem is that neither of you two are strong enough to just let the other one go, as you need to realize it is NOT meant to be

3. You are selling yourself out for something, that, judging by what you wrote, just doesn't seem worth it. You cannot lose yourself respect over this, period.

You both need to grow up, learn to communicate, and get out of this dysfunctional and almost toxic pattern you have going. You may love her, but that isn't worth all of the drama and unhappiness that this is causing you. If she can't be mature enough to quit ignoring you and to let you know where the two of you stand, then screw her. Sadly, however, I feel that even if she did let you know it was over, you would go crawling back, like a dog, which would feed right into her hands...

Personally, I would give her some time to get over her hard headed attitude, but I wouldn't put my life on hold why she struggles to formulate what it is she wants to say to me. This isn't fair to you. If she is already initating NC, then get yourself into that mode as well. This isn't how relationships work.

Those are good points... but she is so loving when things are going great. That's why its so hard for me to let her go... another thing... she is f... kn so beautiful... face, body... everything! When we go anywhere, men and women look at her! Anyway, we do have BIG drama.. it seems like it's a rollercoaster up and down... but when its goood its great! I've tried to tell her not to throw any more tantrums and she says: then don't piss me off and you knew that I was like this...

So now what? What do you suggest I do?

She knows she is good looking, and it seems to me she treats you like a dog, because she can, and because you act like it (sorry, but get some self respect back)...

Now what?: Prove to her, and most importantly YOU, that you don't need her, and get on with your life. This stuff ain't worth it. I would also almost be willing to bet that if you don't go crawling back, and if you act like a man, she will eventually come back to you... but I don't think that would be a good thing either.

OK... so if I act like a man... does that mean I could just text her once... like "good morning" and that's it... you know? I mean its not like I'm bothering her or acting crazy and texting her all day... just once to let her know that I'm still here, thinking about her. OR... do you think that I should go NC... and if do, then what? The possibility is high that she will remain broken up and/or she will think that I don't care about her anymore. You see the quandry I'm in? Also, we have been together for 5 years!! That's a long time. I can't even imagine what it would be like to try to find another woman as hot as her... etc. help!! And thank you for your responses...

Reading this as a women's prospective I have to say maybe you can improve how u treat her and show her some respect. Women want nothing more then respect. They want to feel like they are on top of the world

Reading this as a womens prospective I have to say maybe you can improve how u treat her and show her some respect. Women want nothing more then respect. They want to feel like they are on top of the world

That is such garbage! She acts like a total immature brat and you think he should reward her? What planet are you on? Just because you have an opening between your legs doesn't grant you the power to treat guys like dogs. Get over that stuff. What points in his post did you see that would lead you to believe he didn't respect her? He doesn't respect himself... that is the problem here.

Oh gotcha I am sorry I read it wrong besides I don't date men SO I Don't know much about them

That's true... I have always treated her like a lady.. NEVER cussed at her, etc... and yet she has cursed at me... thrown me out of her apt... been mean to me... etc... and like a fool I go back and then its like she is thinknig that she can do whatever to me and that its OK... I am getting tired of that behavior but I love her. You know? And the times that I put up an argument, then she totally cries and says I'm so mean. Its like I can't stand up for myself with her even though she can treat me like dirt. I have a good self esteem in everywhere elsel in my life... but I just can't seem to be tough with her. :(

Grow some balls and quit rewarding her behavior! Go NC and learn to build yourself esteem up. Seriously, you have let her single handedly tear you down. NO MORE!

You know that's tough to do... going NC. Ill do it if you think that I should... im here to get advice from anothers perspective, but are you saying that its not good for me to even just wish her a good morning or good night? If you say no, then OK.

I do want her back but I don't want to be a doormat like I have been for the longest time now. And another thing, why is she doing this to me??

No contact. At all. No morning texts. No good night calls. Nothing. LEAVE HER ALONE. If she tries to talk to you, ignore her. She started the NC, now let her feel the pain. Give it at least a month before contacting her again. Don't worry about she forgetting or jumping in bed with someone else. Also, start considering that this time you guys broke up for good. It will make NC easier. Look at all the other interesting and beautiful women in the world.

About the why... well, you might never know really why. But I can tell that her behaviour is very immature. It might have to do with she knowing she's beautiful and thinking that's all she has to do. But she doesn't respect you at all and you shouldn't put up with that. That's just stupid.

All right... thats good advice... its going to be hard though, because I do love her and because I've been with her for 5 years!

The thought of her being with another guy just kills me though... and yes I guess she is very immature although she thinks she is acting like an adult... very mature about life in general.

Do you think she will ever come back to me? And if she does, what do I tell her? NOT to act this way ever again??

Ok. So you need not to think if she's with someone else or not. Actually you need to stop thinking about her. It's not easy. But you must do this. Don't worry if you catch yourself writing a txt message. Just don't send it. Don't call. Delete every e-mail you write.

If I think she'll want to come back? I'm quite sure of that. You guys had a pattern and she thinks she can walk over you anytime. The thing though, is that she likes the fact that she has power over you. That's the dynamics you established with her.

That's why I think you should push her back if she comes. Just ignore her. She'll probably come with drama. Just don't give in to that. Give it time. And by time here I'm talking about months. Live your life. And don't wait either. Once you feel you'ready, start dating other people.

I honestly think that you should never go back to her. It was an uhealthy relationship, from what you described. But if you feel she matured and you really want to try it again, only do it after a year. So that you can get some self respect and put yourself first in your life.

Remeber: you are the most important person in your life.

All right... ill try doing just that. I think it sucks big time.

I mean how do I get over someone that I am still in love with?

One more thing...

Should I send her an email telling her that I'm not going to wait around anymore for her? And the reasons?

I can't believe you have put up with her crap for 5 years, and done nothing about it. She treats you like a dog because you allow it. That's not healthy.

Grow some, and stand up for yourself by leaving her alone, and get some dignity, and self respect for yourself. You need to be healthy, and happy, with yourself, before having a healthy, and happy relationship, and trust me, this ain't it, I don't care how hot she is. Her beauty is only skin deep, whats underneath is a very ugly person.


should I send her an email telling her that I'm not going to wait around anymore for her? And the reasons?

NO, absolutely not! Disappear from her life and get your own act together. That's the NO CONTACT you need!

Haha. Well. It sucks, indeed. I'm still struggling with me ending a 4 years relation (3 months break-up; 1 month NC), so trust me, I'm not speaking without understanding how bad this sucks.

The basic idea right now is that your heart wants something that your brain knows it's a bad idea. So you need to override every single thing you feel it's a good idea, but you know it's bad. But you need to understand why you are doing this. You are doing this for yourself, not to get her back, OK? If you don't put this in your head, this will not work.

The things you have to do right now are to focus on other aspects of your life - not on romance or dating. Go out with friends, entertain your hobbies and work... enjoy the fact that you have the freedom of doing whatever you want. Remove everything you have that reminds you of her. Box her toothbrush, clothes, pictures,. Your heart will want you to think of her, so you need to reduce the opportunities for it to act. That's also where the NC is useful.

So here's what I learned: love is a very powerful thing. But time is as powerful as love. You just need to give it some time. I promise you it gets better. It will take time.

To let you know my story... I was dumped without understanding why (sort of... I didn't want to believe, I guess) and I was deeply in love. "I want to marry you and have kids" kind of love. It took me 1 month after getting dumped to finally start NC. Which hasn't been as absolute as it should. Still, I'm finally starting feeling I don't love her anymore. I'm finally indifferent to what she thinks and I couldn't care less if she's screwing someone else... I can't think about it, but I can not care. And I'm finally able to go out on dates without really thinking about my ex.

Hope it helps. Good luck man. It's the best thing you'll do.

She has you in the palm of her hand. You have no respect for yourself and she sees that. That's why she treats you like this. Don't give her the satisfaction of treating you this way. Disappear from her life. Most guys won't take this crap from a girl. She'll realize that if she goes out with other guys and sees that they come and go like ups packages at a packing center, because its her attitude that's the problem. Then it would be up to her to change herself. If she does decide to come back, then its up to you whether you want to accept her back and put up with her crap, unless she was willing and changed.

One thing to add to what has been discussed, in regards to the issue of her being with another guy.

Accept it.

As much as it might hurt, assume that she's either with another guy now or will be very shortly. Even if it's untrue, assume it. That way, when it does happen (and it WILL happen), you won't be quite as stunned by it. Upset sure, but at least you'll have expected it.

At the same time, take time for yourself, and when the time feels right, go out and explore what you can with other women. Even if it's just first dates that lead nowhere, as long as you're genuine you'll slowly see the other options out there.

Thank you for your advice everyone!

OK>... im going to do the NC today. And I won't send emails or texts as much I want to...

Ill keep you posted as to what happens!

One last thing... I know you are going to break NC.

Whenever you get the feeling like you want to text, email, call... whatever... post it on this thread! We have been there, and I promise you will feel better venting to us rather than breaking down to her.

OK... thanx for your suppport... when I want to text or email her... ill talk on here first!

Everyone help me out here... I am mad as hell... >:

I can't believe that my GF is ignoring me for a week... after my nice "good morning baby" texts and good night too.

I want to send her an email that I wrote, basically saying that I'm not going to "beg her for her love anymore"... what do you think?

I just can't believe she's this freaking cold to me after ALL we've been through!!

How can she do this? What kind of person does this to one she just said : "i love you soooo much"... last WED night!! As we made love all night long!! $#$%#

The best way to do this is through your actions... DO NOT send her that email... regardless of your message, she will still win if you contact her.

Damn it... ok

Ill do what you say but I'm really pissed.

And hurt. :(

Okay well look I haven't been dating my boyfriend for nearly as long as you, but after the first 6 months I felt as thought my feelings were gone... I figured our through help and LOTS of tears that it was normal. After a while the strong emotions settle into more stabilized feelings. The transition into this thought might scare you. I've been talking about it with my bg and I told him what would annoy me in the relationship, and his being clingy really did it. He would say I love you every 5 minutes and kiss me every two. This weekend thought we hung out with his family so he couldn't act as he usually would and I swear I felt 20 billion times better and way calmer. So maybe what she needs is a bit of time to just be by herself and cool off. She has been with you for 5 years and I'm sure your love is strong, she won't let go that easily. Also if you seem really secure about your relationship and your feeling for her that'll guide her but don't overdue it cause it might just annoy her... girls are SO hard to understand and handle... we really really are.
Also, this might be happening: People change. When they change they don't fit with you as well... and they just need to move on and let you go. Although I REALLY hope this is not the case for you, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Don't accept it as a reality, but don't totally exclude this as one of the possible outcomes of this relationship.
Also, you NEED self respect to make this relationship work. If you want her, you must regain it. I'm studying psychology and I've learned that if you don't respect yourself you can't respect your love and she can't respect you as you pointed out yourself. Also, don't fore her into coming back to you, you want to make sure that's what she really wants or you will spend your time fighting or she'll pretend all the while. I know she's important to you, but if you love her don't guilt trip her into coming back.
Goodluck!

Wait... so are you saying to have NC with her? Or are you saying to text her every week?

Are you saying I should have some contact with her then??

You breakup and make up... this is not healty. One day you will get tired of being treated badly! When will it be enough for you? My former fiancée and I broke up a few times and tried to stay together... in the end we got the same results.. a broken relationship! Just because your GF is beautiful from the outside... based on your post she is ugly on the inside... she is the one running the show! The golden rule is to treat people how you want to be treated! Man pick yourself up and live life and not wait for your GF. She knows that you are there in waiting...

Well, I DID get tired of her being mean to me the other night and while she was doing all that I thought to myself: "i dont need this from her...shes really unhealthy for me to be around"...

But then a new day and then my love for her comes back... do you know what I mean?

You can love and care about someone and not continue to be subjected to such disrespect! No one said that your feelings will change for a person over night! I am currently going through a bad break up that is bound to get worse! I love my former fiancée however the way things ended and the way that I am currently being treated has me running for the hills... I am not in love with my EX, even though we have memories... I am not looking back at the would have could have... I will celebrate when my whole mess is over! Now it is all about ME! I wish you the best...

I'm saying to give her time off for a bit. Don't go after her, wait for her to come to you.

Look at this way, if you ever want to have any kind of relationship with her you have no choice to go no contact. That is the only way to see if she really loves you and respect you enough to come to you and admit her wrongs. If you keep going back then you will never know.

If after some time she comes back and says she is sorry then she still cares for you. If you never hear from her again that tells you all you need to know.

If she does come back you can't just take her back and act like nothing ever happened. If this sorry excuse for a relationship has any chance you need to get to the bottom of why she treats you like that. The easy answer is because you have let her, and that is were your blame is. However she does not know how to act in a relationship as well. The tantrums, acting like you are mean when you call her on her B.S. is all part of something bigger.

Ask yourself this... do I want to live this life forever? If you end up marring her and having a family you will be taking a huge risk. Can you take the risk of her changing her spots. Is that a risk worth taking.

Walking away is the hardest thing to do. I had to come to that spot in my life as well. Trust me you will never feel better about yourself once you decide to stop being a door mat and be a man.

Thank you for your honesty and comments... it is hard being a man.

I can't BELIEVE THIS xITCH!! $#

Help everyone...

I took everyone's advice to go NC with my GF. But before I did, 2 nights ago, I emailed her just to say "good night" and that I love you and miss you...

I also wrote an email to her saying that I wasn't going to be her doormat anymore... I DID NOT send it - based upon everyone's advice.

BUT here's the deal: she has gone NC with me!. I don't even get the satisfaction of going NC with HER??

What do I do... I feel like she has the upper hand on everything and she doesn't care about me even MORE!! Although she said last week... that I'm her whole world!?

Simple answer... stay NC. This isn't a game...

Dude. Stop right now. Take a deep breath.

Now stay NC. It's only two days! Grow some balls, will you? You know why NC is a show of strength? Because it's f***ing hard! It's harder to do NC than to keep showing your love.

There's a reason why she treats you like a doormat - you behave like that. Also, there is no upper hand or lower hand. You are not playing against her. You are trying to get your life back in control, making yourself happy without her.

Take one day at a time. And for God's sake stop thinking about her. It's hard but it seems you are not making any effort.

I didn't know you were playing a game. Maybe she saw this forum and is actually using the advice the people give her. Listen to me, go and run head first into a brick wall, you will get farther.

No I'm not playing any games but I KNOW from her past behavior that she does, and that's why its BS for her to do this.

Anyway... guess I just wanted to vent. NO I'm not going to break NC...

You all are the ones that are giving me the strengh I need to do so!

Thanks.

But, I'm still pissed. Fyi.

It's OK to be pissed... just don't let that control your actions.

OK everyone... here is the update:

I contacted a mutual friend of ours and went out to have a beer and talk about her. She's been friends with this guy since elementary school and knows all about our drama etc...

He tells me that when he talked to her yesterday, she said that she was upset with me and that she will call me when she isn't. He told her to stop being angry and just to contact me but she is stubborn and doesn't want to at this time...

So, I tell our friend that I understand but that she is losing me. And that if she doesn't make up her mind if she wants me or not, then I will be out of the picture. I told him that I will no longer email, text or call her and that it is now up to her to contact me. "either she wants me or she doesnt" is what I told him

He said that she loves me but she just doesn't know if she wants to spend her life with me or start "fresh"...

I say fine... that I'm not playing any more games and that if she's upset with me then, she needs to let me know and if she doesn't want to talk to me for a certain amount of time, then cool... but she needs to let me know one way or antoher instead of me texting with no response from her.

Long story short, he is going to relay the message to her and that she is losing me with her childish behavior...

Comments please!! Now what??

Stay NC. Life is not about waiting for other people to "decide" if they want to be with you. She knows the answer... you just keep up the NC, and build a life that doesn't revolve around her

All right... ill stay NC...

Ill keep you posted!

Stop talking to common friends, going on Facebook or whatever, man. Leave her alone.

Here's the thing, don't keep us posted about her life. We here do not care about her. We care about you. And so should you. Keep us posted about yours.

Oh OK... will do.

Thanks

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!

All right... I have tried doing things to take my mind off her. Gym, shopping, drinking... all that and I still want to text her and email her.. really just to ask:?

Gimme a yes or a no but tell me what is going on. Whatever she says is OK by me... but this not knowing is killing me.

What do I do? Do I write her off completely as of now - even though I still love her and she me? OR do I "wait" for her to make up her mind? I want to get on with my life and to meeting other people but this is preventing me from doing so!

I have a chance to go out tomorrow with the guys and they say that there are TONS of available women there... but, if she finds out that I was talking to one, shed leave me for sure! I love her but I DO NOT like to be ALONE!!

HELP!

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

alright....i have tried doing things to take my mind off of her. gym, shopping, drinking...all that and i still want to text her and email her..really just to ask: ?!

gimme a yes or a no but tell me what is going on. whatever she says is ok by me...but this not knowing is killing me.

what do i do? do i write her off completely as of now - even though i still love her and she me? OR do i "wait" for her to make up her mind? i want to get on with my life and to meeting other people but this is preventing me from doing so!

i have a chance to go out tommorow with the guys and they say that there are TONS of available women there...but, if she finds out that i was talking to one, shed leave me for sure! I love her but I DO NOT like to be ALONE!!!!

HELP!


Go out and have fun... no one said you need to get another woman. That clearly wouldn't be ideal for you right now anyway... HAVE FUN!! There is nothing wrong with that.

Help me out people..!

I sooooo want to text my girlfriend. I know ill get some heartache from what I'm about to say but here goes... maybe someone can relate:

I have been NC and the thing is that it has been 2 full weeks... 14 days since I last had sex. :( I was used to it every day.

If I text her, then maybe shed tell me to go over tonight and then we'd make up. Anyway... I haven't texted or emailed her yet but I was looking for some moral support...

Your thinking is so irrational I don't know where to being... you think she will just have sex with you out of nowhere?? Use your hand... it is less drama, and less heartache.

Moral support in your booty call??

Stick to masturbation, you won't feel guilty in the morning.

These are crazy times for me... thankx for the reality check.

Update... just got word from our mutual friend who called me...

He said that he talked to my girlfriend and that she is "very surprised" that I have not had ANY contact with her! She is starting to wonder why?

:)

update.....just got word from our mutual friend who called me....

he said that he talked to my gf and that she is "very surprised" that i have not had ANY contact with her! She is starting to wonder why?

:)


Good! Stay strong.

Tell your friends to stop calling you with updates. They are your friends and as much as possible you should try not to get or hear updates as it will always set you back or get you wondering, making excuses for contact.

Well, here's the deal... went out last night and had a GREAT time... :)

BUT>>>>> as I have said before, this guy is a mutual friend of me and my girlfriend... while we were at the clubs.. she texted him and he talked to her telling her about us hanging out.

She told him to tell me that she is sad and the she loves me but she just doesn't know if she can love me AND "live" with me long term, because supposedly she gets annoyed at my behavior?? Seriously... whatever, she's the one who has some issues...

Anyway, what I'm I supposed to do? Its not like I can just let her go but at the same time I don't want to wait for her decision. You know? So, I figure ill continue to go out and if I meet someone then so be it. If my girlfriend decides to "wise up" then I have the choice of getting back with her...

Comments please...

Quit talking about "meeting" someone... is that all you go out for? Just have fun, and see what happens. You have NO business getting involved with another woman right now... NONE. Meeting someone shouldn't even be on your agenda...

Tell your friends to stop calling you with updates. They are your friends and as much as possible you should try not to get or hear updates as it will always set you back or get you wondering, making excuses for contact.

Just to refresh your memory

Oh... ok... I won't get involved with anyone... ill just go out and have fun. Thankx for your comments. And justwantfair... its not that I'm asking for updates but my friend tells me them anyway!

oh....ok...i wont get involved with anyone...ill just go out and have fun. thankx for ur comments. and justwantfair...its not that im asking for updates but my friend tells me them anyway!

I understand you aren't asking, but you need to be telling, I don't want to hear about her... they are your friend, they should be considerate of your feelings. If they know it bothers you, because you tell them, then they will keep you off the update list.

Tell your friend to shut up! He should know better.

OK... ill make sure to do that...

Everyone...

I can't stand the NC! She has yet to try to make contact with me but you know what?

I have SOOO many other things to do right now, moving, new job... etc. that I Don't have time nor want to wait for her to make up her mind...

So, I think that it would be best to text her today and ask her to lunch. I figure if she says "no" - then I have my answer. If she says "yes" - then ill go from there...

Any input would be great... :)

Or... sh** I just don't know what to do...

Now I feel angry that she has done NC to me! Maybe I should just leave her be and she is she contacts me... please help me.. because I'm so confused right now.

Thanks

Your emotions are confusing you. Stay with NC. Everyone told you it was hard, so now you know we were telling the truth. Leave her be, and stay busy, as you said you have been.



So, I think that it would be best to text her today and ask her to lunch.
Not a good idea.

I figure if she says "no" - then I have my answer. if she says "yes" - then ill go from there....

You will be back here complaining about how hurt you are either way, when she doesn't take you back.

How many times are you going to run head first into a brick wall?

Accept you are free to be happy and do whatever you want. What's so hard about that?

Okay, ill continue NC... and your right it is SSOOOOOO hard to do... dam%

I want to be happy, etc... its just that I still love her. You know? But cool... ill keep busy.

talaniman... can you explain what you mean by "my emotions are confusing me"...

Thanks

Your thinking is based on feelings, which are all over the place right now, (understandably so), instead of facts, (she dumped you). That's why you are angry she hasn't called, or taken you back.

NC will allow you to settle down and think a lot more clearly. Break ups are a life experience that teaches us to recognize, and cope with our feelings in a positive way, so we can move forward in life.

Do you have any friends who aren't "mutual" friends? If so, I'd start hanging out with those folks a bit more. You don't need to be hearing all this third party feed back.

Well that makes sense but she "technically" hasn't dumped me yet because she hasn't told me that, and she would. Also, just 2 days ago, our mutual friend said she loved me but Didn't know what to do... im not trying to run my head into a break wall but you see the ambiguity that I have with this relationship?

Or, maybe I'm in denial... I just don't know, so everyone out there... please give me your input ESPECIALLY since its Friday and I have a long as$ weekend ahead of me!

My Input: Life is too short to wait for her to make up her mind on whether she wants to be with you. Life is too short for games, drama, being mad and crying over spilt milk... all of that.

You have to face the reality that if she truly wanted to be with you, she would be. Time reveals all truths, and this situation is no different. You have a long weekend ahead, of enjoying yourself, having fun ,and most importantly, NOT WORRYING about her!!

You get one shot, make it count. Screw her!

No, unfortunately, I don't have any none mutual friends but I could try to make some...

kctiger: thankx for the tough love.

its freaki^^ hard as He**... after ALL that time together, she is putting me through this! >:

kctiger: thankx for the tough love.

its freaki^^ hard as He**......after ALL that time together, she is putting me through this! >:

Sorry to say my friend, but you are letting her do this to you. She has no power over you, only the power you allow her to... free yourself from her reigns and enjoy life man!

Carry on... :cool:

ALSO>... let me ask everyone out there...

My emotions are running pretty high... and can anyone tell me how to stop thinking about her being with another guy? That too, is driving me crazy.

Thanks... yeah I'm a basket case right now.

ALSO>....let me ask everyone out there.....

my emotions are running pretty high...and can anyone tell me how to stop thinking about her being with another guy? that too, is driving me crazy.

thanx ...yeah im a basket case right now.

All the things that are running through your mind are ABSOLUTELY 100% normal, trust me. Keep yourself busy... do whatever it is you have to do. To be honest, I think you sometimes just have to handle those thoughts. Very few things will actually take your mind off this right now... just deal with the thoughts, and, over time, they become less and less powerful and overbearing.

It sucks, I know. You are thinking of the most irrational thoughts on the planet, but that is what our mind does to us when feeding off emotions. Hunker down and you will get through this. For every negative thought, blast it out with a positive thought... do 10 pushups every time you think about her... hell, by the end of this ordeal, you will be buff!

:) you're the MAN.. kctiger! :)

Thanks

Well... what I would do in your place is to assume she had dumped you. It'll be for your best.

OK... I will assume that she did dump me.

I mean, don't go after any other woman! But apart from that, assume you are single.

Honestly, in your place, I'd call her to tell her it's over. That way you'd be free to do whatever you want without regretting what she thinks. But that's just me.

If I called her then that would break the NC rule.

Haha. True. I don't know. You say that technically you are still together. If you honestly feel that way, dumping her is a solutions, hehe.

I was sort of tongue-in-cheek though. It's not that easy to dump someone like that. She's the one that needs to do it. Right now just stick to NC and try to forget she exists. Assume you were dumped, but don't go after other women. Not until she really dumps you or you've been waiting for so long you will feel like dumping her.

All right everyone... I have made a decision... I am sick and tired of crying over this woman. She probably thought that it was a game, like she has always done this with me before many many times!

I know for a fact that she is probably wondering what is going on since I didn't RUN back to her and text or call or email...

Well I read the post earlier about all the break up lines used, and some of them she has used on me... I have never broken up with her... it was her all the time and she took me back after I begged and pleaded...

Anyway, I will give until the end of this weekend... come Monday, if she doesn't have contact with me... I am done. She KNOWS that I am alone this weekend... and she probably will go off with her friends.. whatever!

She will have to come crawling back to me and ask ME to take her back. I think that the best advice was what I read that was said: if she wanted to be with you, then she would.

Amen.

There you go.

Hey dude, I'm going through something similar too only worse! My girlfriend was super attractive and she used to take the same tantrums as her. Not calling after an argument for like a week and keeping me on my heals; not knowing whether it was a breakup or not. The hardest thing is the NC. I didn't think I could do it, not at ALL. It hurt for many days and now its been a month. I found out she started dating someone 5 days after we broke up because she was talking to him online when we had our problems. It's the worst feeling in the world hearing about how she's so into him. A few days before she met this guy she told me how much she loved and missed me, even started to cry in person. It has been a month now, from February 1st. I still think about her, but the sad and angry feelings have gone for the most part. You NEEED to put yourself first, its going to be hard. Trust me, she's not worth it. I didn't think I would ever say this in a million years about my ex but it's the truth. Who does that. You want a girl who cares like you do, who wants you like you want her. Mine was my first love, so its reeeally hard. I feel your pain and your want to call her. She has made me out to be a bad person in-front of mutual friends and family to make the new person look good. What goes around comes around, KARMA will take its toll and I won't be there. SOOON you will get to the point I am at. You will see her true colors. My ex was Gorgeous on the outside yet turned for the worst on the inside. Hang in there and contact me for any advice. The situations sound so similar, just talk all you need to about it. IF SHE CAN THROW AWAY ALL OF THOSE MEMORIES AND THAT LOVE, then its her LOSS not yours. Good things happen to good people. Remember.

SH&* everone... blio2000 is soooooo right.

I really feel like that too... unfortunately, I broke the NC rule and wrote and sent her an email.

In it, yesterday night... I told her how much I loved her, wanted her, how we are meant for each other and that I know she's thinking about "us".

I told her that basically, either she wants me or she doesn't and that she needs to decide one way or another and that it is OK with me whatever she decides.

I will wait for her reply in time. But I personally, think that she's going to say "later"

Anyway, no more NC from me now... and I can sleep at night knowing that I did everything for her and our relationship. Its up to her now.

And if she takes too long... then I have my answer. And I'm talking about no more than a couple of weeks to think about it.

In the meantime... I have things to do.

Thanks for everyone's input and feel free to give me more... ill keep you posted!

I think you did a good thing. Keep taking steps to move on and don't wait for her response. I think she will reply soon, though. Good luck and carry on with life.

crazyoverher, you are so much like me, I feel. I would like to share with you about my experience hope you don't mind.

During my first break off, she didn't give me any reason, she just say she needs time that's all. So to keep myself from not thinking about her, I keep myself busy and went NC with her for la short period like 2 weeks. ( but in between she would text me now and then)

After that period, I called her to ask whether is over, but her reply was always don't know and in the end she say maybe is over. And I took her word, and say thanks for everything and accept the fact and leave.

But shortly after that, she came back to me texting me, asking me out etc.
So like you now, I though that she still love me, so I did a lot , trying to salvage the relationship, and I though to myself too, at least I did what I wanted to.

Shortly after one month or so, we patched back. I was so happy. But the problem didn't go off. We broke off again shortly.

What I want to say is that, Crazyoverher, I know you love your girl, just like I loved my ex. And is good that you did what had wanted to done, at least you can sleep peacefully now.

But I start to realize something, in an relationship, it takes 2 hands to clap. So if only you are the one that is doing the salvaging, the changing etc is NOT enough. Even if you would to patch back, some problems will still be back to haunt you.

So after doing what you had wanted to do now, I feel that you should really laid back this time now. Do your own things and let her get back to you and not you trying to get back to her. Because she is the one that needs the space and time.

Really please don't do the salvaging alone anymore, if she still had a heart for you, she will be back, if not even if you manage to get back, it would end up hurting yourself again.

actually sometime I was thinking about this, is really a very simple thing.

If she wants you and you want her, then both of you get together right?
But if you want her, she is not sure, then?

2 hands to clap in an relationship, now the relationship only had one hand(you), how are you going to clap?

OKay, that's what I thought, but I am too, grieving over the lost of my ex. But lucky, I had this site to pen down my thoughts and with people around to give us their advices.

Lets get strong together, good luck. =)

HEY EVERYONE!!

I just wanted to say that I am really touched by all of your great advice. I don't have any friends except my girlfriend, who I thought was my best friend.

You can see how I devoted everything to her.

Anyway... its so comforting to know that my situation isn't alone. Not to say I'm glad others are going through sadness and alll...

But that my case isn't the ONLY one out there and that makes me feel like I'm not such a bad guy aftrerall. That there are a lot of people... gf... bf... that do bad things to their loved ones.

And here, everyone gives their two cents because they have experience in it. This is the best fourum ever!

Without reading other peoples posts, I would never get a sense on how many are going through the same things and how everyone is so genuinely helpful :)

Anyway... just wanted to say thank you everyone. If you weren't here I would have been texting and emailing and calling her from the get go!

And it would have hurt like hell.

So now, I have declared myself FREEEEEEEE
I did what I had to as my last email to her . And now... I will wait for her reply if she does... meanwhile... I wlll go out and begin to try to enjoy doing things without her.

But I have to be honest... THAT is going to be a whole diffent ball game... dont know where to start... and being alone instead of a couple etc... but ill cross that bridge later.

I suggest you pic your go nads out of her purse and move on!!

Yeah... thats what I'm trying to do. You know when your life has been in one person for 5 years... that is hard to do. Have YOU ever been in love for that long? And if you have, you sure do sound bitter. That's not what I want.

Crazy, I know you are hurting right now man. It sucks, it truly does. I wish it was as easy as just "picking your balls" off the ground... but it isn't. Five years is a LONG time to love, and an unrealistic expection is that you would get over this fast... that WILL not be the case.

It is hard to let go of someone, but eventually you will get to the point that you feel confident in yourself... confident enough to know that you will be all right, you will be happy again, and you will live. Until that time, we are all here for you! Good luck buddy.

Thanks kctiger.

Well, crazy... It is indeed hard. Very hard. But this is the only way out. And the fastest too. You did all you could. Now the ball is on her side. Don't wait for a response. Keep going.

Right now you'll get into an emotional rollercoaster. I suggest you to, as a first step make friends you can hang out with. Those are the best to engage in activities where you don't think about the ex. Also, get into some physical activity. It makes up for a bit of the pain of being alone again. Plus, you get a nice ego and confidence boost. Running worked like magic for me... I went from being a sedentary guy to a active person...

I've read once that it takes one month for every year together to heal. I don't know if that's true, but it seems to be about the time frame for me. Four years together, 3 months after the break-up and I think I went through almost all the phases of it all - denial, anger, acceptance, confusion, anger, forgiveness... I don't know what is next but it seems to be forgetting.

Good luck man. And come here when you need to vent.

Hi everyone... my update... its been 11 days since I had contact with her (text). And, its been 4 days since I wrote my ultimatum letter to her saying... "you need to decide what you want and i dont want to hear from you until you do."

Well, so far nothing. And I'm happy to say that I really don't have an urge to contact her at all. I did all that I could do, even offer a way her out to dump me gracefully - no guilt for her.

Anyway as I think about her, I think that its pretty Shi^^ of her not have responded by now. Either she too wants NC and has dumped me without a word telling me so... or she is thinking about my ultimatum.

if she does come back to me, it will be a much different relationship. I will not tolerate anymore her antics.

ill keep you posted.

By the way, did I tell everyone that she last spoke to me in person of Valentines day... giving me a card professing her love! Isn't that CRAZY!

If she really love you that much, why isn't she with you now? I am sorry, but her BS and drama are too much for me... you think this is all worth it? I don't...

Good point kctiger...

I really don't either but to throw 5 years is too easy to do at LEAST for me.

I really don't know what her problem is- maybe she's finding herself.. maybe its another guy, maybe she wants her freedom... it really doesn't matter the reason. The bottom line is that you're right she's not with ME...

I don't expect her back. That is how I'm looking at. But she's a wishy washy woman. Shell see that I'm the best she's ever going to get... thats why I think that she will be back.

The drama... I won't tolerate any longer. This forum has taught me that I need to respect myself first.

AHHHHHHHHH

Help me out people!!

Its 10pm and I freaking miss her cuddling up to me naked in bed. :(

What the he** I'm I supposed to do??

Anyone with advice? Experince with this please help!

That's normal, of course you are going to miss her and your looking for whatever will relieve your pain... Not much will.

Ive red what you have said. Numerous times you say "well i dont want to throw away five years, and you think she will be back"

Be lucky its not 10 years, hell she has thrown you away like a piece of rubbish, she discarded you and could not care less about the five years.

Think what a great time you had for those five years and now get up and get going again. Not a lot of things last forever but be grateful for what you shared in this time,

Sounds to me like she was your whole life, that's pathetic, don't you have anything else you enjoy in your life! Your telling me you love her more than you love yourself! I find it hard how people love someone more than they love themselves, even though that person treats them lime dirt...

As always peope want what they have not got...

She had you for the time that suited her and now she is looking for something new, will probably have a new guy within a month if she don't have one already. This girl sounds very clingy and sending you a card on Valentines DAy!! What a joke..

She was just making sure her dog was still on the leash in case her new pup gets away!!

Try and not worry about this at the moment, nothing you can do, no ifs or buts, I should have done this... if she wants to come back she will call within the month and if she doesn't she won't!! Simple!!

Damn... ok mckenzie134... thanks for your brutal honesty.

Its helps me realize all that she is... and has done to me. It reminds me that she is not the person that deserves my love.

That's right. Although of course its going to be very difficult as we well know. You will not be over this for a while. But to help you through the bad times as you probably know you can think of things that wernt so great.
Although when you break up every thing seems to be great about her. I know that. But at least you had a good 5 years together. Thankful for that part of your life.

Some people get 0 years of love and happiness, so yourve done well there.

But anyone who treats you in that way in the end obviously was thinking about it and well I know if I don't like a girl whom I've been with I let her down slow maybe give her some small hope! Hell I don't waana upset her...

Just keep to yourself and see how it goes. The only way to get her back if that's what you want
Is to do "nothing at all" she will come back if she wants!!

Or on occsaions if you're a little wussie boy with no spine and the other dog runs away...

Hey, Well I am going through the same thing like I said in earlier posts. Its definitely hard. If you want her back you have to do nothing. Maybe she will maybe she won't. Life is too short for feeling sorry for yourself. Dude, its her loss. Everyone can see that you definitely care for her. My ex was seeing someone 5 days after she broke up with me... crazy! We had amazing 5 years right down to the end. She will always know that you were that guy who wanted her to be happy, you were the loyal one and you didn't do anything to push her away. One day she will realize.. There are a lot of a**holes out there and trust me the next person will not be her perfect match. Maybe not in the near future but I guarantee if it takes a while you will move. One day you will look back at this and laugh. Its been a month of hell for me but its getting better. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and I'm sure many do. I came to my acceptance by thinking: why would I want someone who can just throw away 5 years like its nothing. You want someone who cares for you like you do her. Sounds like she's really ugly on inside. This is better it happens now than if you were engaged or married. You can't let her keep you on that leash. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life is let her go but I know something good will come out of it. Just think, do you think she is sitting there moping around, I don't think so. She obviously thinks about it but something is blinding her and making her blow it off. This is because she knows that you are still there. That she can come back any time. The girls come back when you least expect it. When you finally let go totally. It was so hard for me to hear this stuff when I posted my situation, but like I said, life is too short. So seriously, man up, get that confidence back, show her and everyone else that you Don't need her, and watch what happens. No matter what does happen, you will be the winner.

Both you guys are dead on!

I mean everything that you two said made som much sense to me. Its hard to see it for what it is unless someone else is looking at it too.

Problem is... well not really a problem but you know when we broke up before and she got back with me... she made ME the bad guy... not caring about her blah blah blah... and that was crazy! I think that she really believed that.

Anyway... I am happy to report that because of your posts... I deleted her old voice messages to me AND her contact.. phone info so she is no longer on my phone and I don't know her number. (cuz she got a new phone)!

Comments?

Well done! You seem to be taking the proper steps in erasing her from your life. Stick to it, and carry on...

Thanks kctiger!

I'll tell u what, I wish I could tell u that I have no regrets about doing it. But it hurt to delete her phone number. Oh well what can I do? I've got to heal!

thnx kctiger!

I'll tell u what, I wish I could tell u that I have no regrets about doing it. But it hurt to delete her phone number. Oh well what can I do? I've got to heal!

It's not an easy thing to do, to let go of someone (and this is a key step in letting go). But, you did it, as you know you had to. No excuses now!! Keep moving forward.

Hi Crazy,

I must commend you! You sound like a great, caring guy, and you don't need that kind of person in your life. You are so much better than that, and in time, you will meet someone who is deserving of your love, not someone who takes you for granted. Keep up the positive work you are doing for yourself, and keep us posted. We are all here for you.

Hi everyone... well I HAVE NOT contacted her... but I am feeling pretty down today. It's the weekend and I wish I couldve been with her. You know? Obviously that's not going to happen but still...

Another thing... id like anyone out there to help me out with this:

I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. You know? Is she going to be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing... etc.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this thought? And, please don't say "man up"...

Thankx

Hi everyone...well i HAVE NOT contacted her....but i am feeling pretty down today. Its the weekend and i wish i couldve been with her. u know? obviously thats not going to happen but still...

another thing...id like anyone out there to help me out with this:

I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. you know? is she gonna be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing...etc.

Does anyone have any advice on how i can get over this thought? and, please dont say "man up"....thankx

MAN UP!! :D

No, seriously, the thoughts come and go. I had the feeling to vomit sometimes because of how worried I was about what she was doing. The common sense of this situation is this: you cannot control what she does, so why worry about something you cannot control? Do things you want to do, have fun, and occupy your mind. If you just sit around, your thoughts will dominate your head, but if you gather around friends, do something entertaining, I promise you, the thoughts, althoug still there, will be much less powerful.

Those thoughts suck!! I know, believe me. But, don't let what she "may" be doing destroy what you should be doing! Moving on with your life... you get no refunds on time baby! She is going to go have her fun, so who says you can't have yours?

Crazyoverher;1587774, Hi everyone... well I HAVE NOT contacted her... but I am feeling pretty down today. It's the weekend and I wish I could've been with her. You know? Obviously that's not going to happen but still...
But still nothing!!!! Instead of wishing for her, figure out something to do for yourself!


Another thing... id like anyone out there to help me out with this:

I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. You know? Is she going to be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing... etc.

If you put as much thought into yourself as you do her business, you could figure out some nice things to get into, and people to see, this weekend.


Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this thought? And, please don't say "man up"...
Get busy and keep your a$$ of that pity pot. Thats what keeps you stuck on stupid! You actually have to physically get up, and get out, no excuses. Go wash your car, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen windows, positive physical action. Call a friend you haven't seen..............don't get me started as I would have your tongue hanging out in an hour. There is always SOMETHING to do, whether its fun or not! Do It!!

All right I agree... but check it out everyone...

She texted me just now... I pawned a camera for her because she needed money... her camera. Now the ticket is up and she wants to get it out. The thing is... its in my name.

She texted me saying that if I could meet her next week so that she could give me the money to get it out!

So now, I got to meet her. Damn!

Now what? Any advice... I was cold to her on the texts... nothing nice... just factually answering her.

Anyway... advice anyone?? Please.

Throw yourself a party, you found your excuse for contact that is a good feeling isn't it..

So when she keeps it ALL business crushing your hope is it turns into an all day event.

Or the second option it turns out how you hope and you start seeing each other and since nothing is resolved really you break up again and start all over from day one.

that's true... I have always treated her like a lady.. NEVER cussed at her, etc... and yet she has cursed at me... thrown me out of her apt... been mean to me... etc... and like a fool I go back and then its like she is thinknig that she can do whatever to me and that its OK... I am getting tired of that behavior but I love her. You know? And the times that I put up an argument, then she totally cries and says I'm so mean. Its like I can't stand up for myself with her even though she can treat me like dirt. I have a good self esteem in everywhere elsel in my life... but I just can't seem to be tough with her. :(


Toxic relationships are battle-grounds mistaken for what is thought of as "love" in which the personality-disordered and the non-personality disordered come together, intersect, interconnect and increase each other's pain and suffering no matter how hard they try to make things work. (sometimes both parties in a toxic relationship are in fact personality-disordered)
The Legacy of Toxic Relationships (article) by A.J. Mahari on AuthorsDen (http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewArticle.asp?id=37642)

Your wanting her back so desperately despite the toxic nature of this relationship is very telling of a dysfunctional relationship that gets you hooked.I suggest you follow the link and read the entire article.You may find some very familiar patterns there and you can break this cycle of destruction that is not at all healthy.

Damn... just want fair... thats tough love!

Harsh.

I don't mean to be mean, but it's the truth.

Although you hope to break the no contact, it is harder than suffering through the break up. Imagine where you are now, although you are still hurting, it's not the same as day one, it's different.

When you go back, any contact, takes you back to the beginning and you start this HORRIBLE process all over again.

I know the praying for any excuse to make contact, but it never ends well. The sooner you see these things the better off you will be in the long run.

All right... fair enough... but that I have to see her next week... she just can't get the thing out of hock on her own. So now I'm screwed one way or another right? How can I be cold to her when I see her again? It sucks.

Handle your business in a efficient polite way, but don't get drawn into the feelings conversation, that's what will confound you.

So talaniman...

I'm sure she Won't get into feelings... she will be a hard .

Are you saying that its best for me to be the same? And, I'm an idiot for asking...

But do women really respect a guy that is that way? Do all of them WANT to be treated as if they don't matter? Will that make her want me? U know?

Its confusing... I just heard from our friend that she "loves me" but "isnt ready to make a decison"

I know I should just suck it up and move on... and I have been doing that very good up until today. Now I feel like a total PU$$y...

Yes, you need to be cold for her and for yourself.

Handle it like you aren't concerned about her at all. Go get the camara, pass the camara on and leave. That's it.

Yes, you need to be cold for her and for yourself.

Handle it like you aren't concerned about her at all. Go get the camara, pass the camara on and leave. That's it.
Polite but busy and unavailable,

"Here's your camera, I gotta go!!" See Ya!! (hate ta be ya!!):eek:

OK so if I'm cold then won't she think that I am an a$$hole? And then say: "seeing what youre doing now, im glad were not together"

Now allsfair... I do have just a little hope for us still... wouldnt that fuXX it up for good?

Comments please


Is there a way that I could be cold as hell to her but also give her the feeling that I'm also a nice guy so that she is even more confused?

Comments please...

is there a way that i could be cold as hell to her but also give her the feeling that im also a nice guy so that she is even more confused?

comments please....

My comment is this... get a life
That does not involve someone else to make you feel real.

Just give her stuff back, and be done with it, the rest is only a game you want to play to your advantage.

Hi crazyoverher, I think you are really crazy over her dude.

I know maybe you must be thinking that, she might be missing you or wanting to fix the relationship.

But whatever it is, even if it is the truth, right now you should have less contact with her.

So that, firstly, you can heal better. Secondly, IF she is really sincere about getting back , she will need to do more sincere work. But please don't think about this right now.

Anyway, just pass her the camera and say it with a smile, " there you go, anyway sorry, i really need to go, i got some important things to attend to. Take care! =) "

AND by the way, you are not an dude. If you are really an , you would have torn the ticket away in the first place. Haha , why bother to pass her the ticket... haha

Good luck

I mean you are not an @sshole...

Crazy you need to end this immature game that is going on... like Tal said, mail her stuff back, and like ArtLady said, GET A LIFE that doesn't revolve around trying to get someone to like you... if she doesn't like you, the fu** her! Seriously man, life is to freaking short to do this kind of stuff...

Thanks everyone for your helpful words!

Yes, today I see things diffrently. I hate feeling like I'm on a rollercoaster. My emotions go up and down... but your comments really help center me. I will do as you say.

Ill keep you posted!

Hey everyone...

I was in my car and I heard George Jones' "He stopped loving her today"... it got me to think...

Is it possible to end it with her and yet still love her?

How many of you out there understand that concept and do any of you feel that way?

Just curious...

I still love my ex... I think everyone still "loves" most of the gals they fell in love with. Love isn't always about holding on, sometimes it is about letting go, for sake of happiness, on both parties... I am not sure "falling out of love" ever really happens, you will always care for the person, just not as compassionately as you once did...

HEY MY FRIENDS...

Got a question for you all... I forgot to mention that I have her key to her apartment. Now, she hasn't yet asked me for it.

When I see her to get her camera out of hock... do you think shell ask for it back or should I give it back to her or... not say anything... if the key situation is not brought up, then id think that she is still unsure as to whether she wants me back or not...

What should I do? Advice please

Give her the key back... you have no business having it. Make your own closure and end the "what ifs" yourself... don't wait for her to do it. She may have fogotten you have it, or some other reason... just because she doesn't ask you for it back, doesn't mean she is still thinking about "taking" you back... that just creates more excuses for false hope.

Everybody... im very pi$$ed off this morning. Just thinking about how I have to see her because of the camera situation is upsetting. See the crap that I have done for her and she is treating me like this!!

I'm torn of seeing her again and just dropping off the ticket at her apt. if I could. Why should she get the pleasantry of seeing me if she doesn't know what she wants. You know?

Anyway, just disappointed in everything today. :( and yes, I'm keeping busy but it still weighs upon my mind.

Do you have a mutual friend? Someone who can be an exchange point for the camera?

What's wrong with sending the camera via UPS?

Hi... yes there is a mutual friend... it would take a lot of effort on my part to have him do it but I could.

Yeah... im sure the reason that she would leave is because she wants her freedom to get drunk with all her friends who "whore" around. >:

What a dissapointment in her. I give her my monogamous love and she doesn't know what to do! I'm sure I'm like everyone here when I say that she will regret it later on... but who knows... shell probably make excuses as to why it was best she's not with me.

You have to start getting over this and start to work on healing. It doesn't matter what her reason for the break up was or whether you understand or think that it is justified. The fact is it's over. Work on you, feeling better and healing, not self-pity, anger and denial. I know you are still in the first month. But you have to stop looking for answers and analyzing what you may never have any peace from.

Got to be honest dude... what she does with her life is NONE of your concern, not anymore. She is free to do whatever she wants to do... but, so are you! Be free, and that starts with doing your best to free yourself from worrying about her.

Hey kctiger... thats easier said than done if she hasn't yet officially Broken up with me... u know..

But I hear you. It sux big time... :( damn, why do relationships have to be so fu##ed up?

Is it me or just the woman I chose to be with... her?

Help me out guys... but we must have done something right to have been together this long...

You either give something your all, or give nothing at all... there is a price to pay with either choice when things fall apart

hey kctiger...thats easier said than done if she hasnt yet officially Broken up with me...u know..?

You are concerned because she hasn't "officially" broken up with you yet?

Boy when you get back on your feet and stop this pity parady you have for yourself everyday you are going to be in for quite the treat just listening to the things you say.


help me out guys...but we must have done something right to have been together this long...

Just because you are with someone for a long time doesn't make it a healthy blossoming relationship. It just means you were together. Fact is: NOW YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER... so the five years doesn't add up to anything other than five years gone.

Stop looking for the excuse to find a life with her. You have a life of your own, you don't need someone else in it to make it a great life. Partners don't make us who we are, they compliment the person that is already there.

She didn't make you a person, but you need to refind out what makes you a person now because it is not her.

These are some quotes I want for you to hang around your room for inspiration.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together"

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

"I don't miss her. I miss who I thought she was."

Justwantfair...

I love your quotes! This one is my favorite: "I don't miss her. I miss who I thought she was."

... hey everybody... im on my way to give our mutual friend the pawn ticket! That way I don't have to see her on wed! Thanks for all your help and advice...

I bet shell be pi$t that she has to go over to our friends house instead of me making it easy for her!

Ill keep you posted!!

Aghhh...

Why do I have such false hope?

I gave the ticket to our mutual friend but didn't give the key back to her. I want HER to tell me... that way I have a clean conscious that it wasn't me who broke it off... that so messed up but I couldn't help myself... I just couldn't do it. Damn.

I'm moving into another apartment and I texted her about the ticket and all and she texts me back: "good luck with the move"... what the hell? She couldve just said thanks.

Help me not have this false hope people... I know I can go on with my life and be a better person once she is gone... but I can't free myself of her until SHE says goodbye. Then, I can be totally free.

Anyone know felt what I feel? Advice? Comments... thnx... ps... dont be too harsh!! ;)

::in my not harsh voice::

Actions speak louder than words and she has already said all the good-bye that you are probably going to get.

Justwantfair... its midnight and I can't sleep...

I just can't understand it as much as I try. Why would she not say goodbye? What's the big deal... just let me know... not in actions but in words. You know? She could even text me if she's that much of a coward.

I need the closure.

And another thing... how can someone stop "loving" just like that? I don't get it.

She has the support of her loser friends I'm sure who are influencing her and if she can't think for herself.. then I'm better off before we would have gotten married.. etc... that wouldve been even harder!

Anyway, as harsh as everyone here is on me... you guys are the only support I really have... my friends are "dogs" and they just tell me to go get laid and all will be fine.

So keep up the comments, I sure do need it now more than ever... :(

Everybody... we had PLANS on getting MARRIED in 1 1/2 years!!

And then this SH%t happens. Tell me that there are others out there that feel my pain, because I feel like the only one and like a fool. I just am trying not to be bitter and angry but its hard guys... this woman was everything that I wanted in a woman... pretty, cook, has a job, independent, professional, humor, fun to hang out with, great sex, and she made me feel like I was the ONLY man in the world.

You guys KNOW what I mean!!

And then... NADA. I truly am going crazy with this BS. Not to get too out of bounds but I say prayers at night asking god to just help her END it or not... but for something to happen and happen quickly.

Once it goes down... then watch out world. You know our mutual friend even tells her to "let me know" don't string him along... etc.

Like I said earlier posts... she is a borderline alkie and is bi polar. Maybe this is the problem... but damn, when she is normal... life is wonderful...

Its almost like I want to be with her because I could turn her around... I could get her to stop drinking so much and to go to the doctor for her meds... and then if she did that... she would be the girl I knew 5 years ago when we first met...

Another thing...

Ranting now... but for us, our relationship was either GREAT or FUXX up! There were no in betweens.

I've been in other realtionships before and all of those things were steady... we got angry and then got over it. Not much drama unless it really warranted it. But this woman... seems as if she's not happy unless there is drama in her life , u know?

But when there is no drama... man it is like we are on the mooon... never felt like that with any other woman in my life... thats why I guess that I tolerated the messed up part for so long... the high was so great!

I don't know guys... as you can see by my posts I'm going through a huge crisis that I've never had before. I'm not going to do anything stupid but its just makes me want to think that I should just be like my friends and just get laid... and rack up the notches in my belt to avoid what I am going thourh ever again... >:

I think right now you should try to get yourself sleeping. And you seriously need to stop thinking about her. I don't care how hard you think it is and how impossible it will seem to you. But you are a tough guy and you'll handle this.

The first thing is to calm down. Get out of the computer. Turn off the TV, or turn it to a boring channel (like CNN or weather) or put some soothing music on. Get a glass of water or a cup of milk or ice-cream or chocolate or some other quick comfort snack. If you have some book around, it's the perfect moment to start reading it.

If that doesn't work, than lie in bed and think about your life. But only about things that do not include her. You might think there aren't that many, but you're in for a surprise. Think about your family. Your childhood. Your career. Your job. For me childhood is the best thing, because it reminds me of how simple life really is. As adults we make it much more complex than what it needs to be.

If you know how to meditate, or if you are religious and know some prayers, they also tend to be helpful because they make you focus on something else.

And, for your own sake, stop trying to understand why. It's just pointless and will just make the whole process take much longer.

All right... im going to bed.

Thanks

Also, about the "get laid and you'll be over it", that is sort of true. I know it's not the consensus here in the board, mostly because it potentially can put you in a deeper mess, but on the other hand, it's the quick and dirty way of remembering that your ex is not the last cookie in the jar.

Also, about the "get laid and you'll be over it", that is sort of true. I know it's not the consensus here in the board, mostly because it potentially can put you in a deeper mess, but on the other hand, it's the quick and dirty way of remembering that your ex is not the last cookie in the jar.

You don't have to get "laid" to realize this... personally I found that just going out and talking to other girls, and having them show an interest in me did as much good as getting "laid" did... at this point I don't feel Crazy is in the emotional state to go out and get laid and the reap the benefits of that. Attention from girls is sometimes all it takes to realize you still have it.

As for Crazy, I know how you feel. You aren't the only one who felt like the world was coming to an end. You are over glorifying every aspect of your ex (yes, your EX!! ), and the parts that you aren't glorifying you are professing the ability to change. You aren't a miracle worker, and unfortunately her problems are HER problems, not yours. If you are determined to wait on her to give you closure (because you obviously cannot accept her actions as such), you could be waiting for eternity. I am sure that you are way too good to be "waiting" on some girl to let you know how she feels about you. That is just not fair.

Also, about the "get laid and you'll be over it", that is sort of true. I know it's not the consensus here in the board, mostly because it potentially can put you in a deeper mess, but on the other hand, it's the quick and dirty way of remembering that your ex is not the last cookie in the jar.

His emotional state is NOWHERE near a "get laid and get over it" mindset. This is horrible advice given the situation. You even note yourself that it can put him in a bigger mess, well I know it would and why would he need a bigger mess right now?

Crazyoverher;1595081, justwantfair... its midnight and I can't sleep...

Review your day and make some changes, so you will be ready to sleep at night and be on a regular cycle. Honestly what did you do today?


i just can't understand it as much as i try. why would she not say goodbye? what's the big deal... just let me know... not in actions but in words. u know? she could even text me if she's that much of a coward.

Her actions are her words and she is speaking LOUD and CLEAR! The problem is YOU HAVEN'T ACCEPTED HER ACTIONS TOWARD YOU!!!


I need the closure.

You want closure, you don't need it. Its highly unlikely she will give you what you want, so deal with what you have. That's all the closure she will give you.


And another thing... how can someone stop "loving" just like that? I don't get it.

She has been thinking of letting you go a long time, so when she finally made that decision, it came as a shock to you. Happens to us all when we get dumped.


she has the support of her loser friends I'm sure who are influencing her and if she can't think for herself.. then im better off before we would have gotten married..etc...that wouldve been even harder!

Your right she has loser friends to support her through this, but all you have is us. The question is, why you have no friends to support you? Hmmmm! That will have to change, and shows us all how wrapped up in her your life was, so of course you lost a lot of yourself, as well as her. There is a lesson to learn here, so don't miss the point!!


Anyway, as harsh as everyone here is on me... you guys are the only support I really have... my friends are "dogs" and they just tell me to go get laid and all will be fine.

The problem with that is you will feel good for a minute, but are only replacing one problem for another, like a junkie who starts drinking to get off drugs. Listen to us, and you will get further on with your healing, much faster.


So keep up the comments, I sure do need it now more than ever... :(

Keep coming! We keep talking!


Everybody... we had PLANS on getting MARRIED in 1 1/2 years!! and then this SH%t happens.
Stuff happens in life! Deal with it!!-T
Tell me that there are others out there that feel my pain, because I feel like the only one and like a fool. I just am trying not to be bitter and angry but its hard guys... this woman was everything that I wanted in a woman... pretty, cook, has a job, independent, professional, humor, fun to hang out with, great sex, and she made me feel like I was the ONLY man in the world.

You guys KNOW what I mean!!

I have had many exes who have had that effect, so yeah, I feel Ya! I have to laugh, because I felt the same as you do now!! The bad news(?) it will happen again.


And then... NADA. I truly am going crazy with this BS. Not to get too out of bounds but I say prayers at night asking god to just help her END it or not... but for something to happen and happen quickly.

Be careful what you ask for. Pray for strength and clarity of thought, and for her future happiness.

then watch out world. You know our mutual friend even tells her to "let me know" don't string him along... etc.
Your stringing yourself along just to be honest, her actions are clear to everyone who reads this thread, THAT YOU WROTE.


Like I said earlier posts... she is a borderline alkie and is bi polar. Maybe this is the problem... but damn, when she is normal... life is wonderful...

The lesson here is don't invest so much of yourself into a person with destructive issues, as your learning. All dope fiends and alcoholics have their good side.

its almost like i want to be with her because i could turn her around....i could get her to stop drinking so much and to go to the doctor for her meds...and then if she did that... she would be the girl i knew 5 years ago when we first met......
More life lessons to learn, YOU CAN'T CONTROL, CHANGE, OR FIX ANYONE, just yourself, do so now!

Everyone changes, and grows, even you, as your painfully finding out. Make the right adjustments, based on fact, and not just feelings.

Nice rant by the way,. I mean vent!! :eek:

Thank you everyone for helping and commenting!!

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!

Today I feel much better and althoug I can't understand her reasons, I'm taking your advice and letting that part go.

But I do have one question:

I told her that I would give her time to think and decide what she wanted to do. This was 2 weeks ago.

Is this long enough then? I'm not trying necessarily to hold out on her, I'm just wondering if she wanted me, then if she would have already made that choice. I know if the shoe was on the other foot and she gave me a choice then, 2 weeks would have been sufficient time for me.

Comments please. Thanks a bunch everyone!! :)

There are only two things in life I wait for:

1. Beer (If I am at a bar being served, otherwise I handle this myself)
2. My beloved Chiefs winning a Super Bowl

The rest, I go handle myself. She hasn't come to you, so she has made her choice, and if she hasn't still made a choice, it is time you make it for her. GAME OVER!!

I am going back to my the original quote...

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is OPTIONAL."

Stop CHOOSING to suffer through this. You need a new focus.

Books
Movie
TV
Gym
Darts
ANYTHING.

You must plan on living forever Kc, Chiefs will never win a Superbowl

You must plan on living forever Kc, Chiefs will never win a Superbowl

I can't lose faith, but believe me, I am getting very impatient. At least Pioli will make things interesting (Sorry to the OP for going off topic here)

I'm an Eagles fan, enough said


Maybe he will jump into this conversation and start to forget about his ex

Nothing like football to take your mind off an ex... saved my Sundays for sure!!

Exactly! After my ex broke up with me, football and hockey took over(besides the gym) I also was able to play my xbox without constant badgering from her. Now I have a girl who doesn't mind football but even play Xbox games with me. So if anyone on here has xbox live, send me a PM and maybe set up a game ha ha.

I know Crazy, buy God of War and God of War II, you will be busy for days.

I told her that I would give her time to think and decide what she wanted to do. This was 2 weeks ago.

Is this long enough then? I'm not trying necessarily to hold out on her, I'm just wondering if she wanted me, then if she would have already made that choice. I know if the shoe was on the other foot and she gave me a choice then, 2 weeks would have been sufficient time for me.


The shoe is not on the other foot, and you need to let her take her chances, by disappearing from her life.

Anyone ever told you how many females are in the world? Your freaking over one?? Heal so you can see what's around you.

Rome, and KC have told you what's good to do.

The shoe is not on the other foot, and you need to let her take her chances, by disappearing from her life.

Anyone ever told you how many females are in the world?? Your freaking over one??? Heal so you can see whats around you.

Rome, and KC have told you whats good to do.

Can you see me now?

FU%^ ME!

OK... sheesh! Ps... I like the cowboys! :)

anyway... wow... its hard dudes, gals. Trying to center myself. I am going to the gym and I have to admit... ive lost like 15lbs. Since I saw her last!

wish I could show her what I look like! ;)

The Cowboys huh... bet you and Rome would get along great then... ;)

God of War
God of War
God of War!

All right people...

I have a couple of email accounts. One was where we used to email each other.

I HAVE DELETED THE ACCOUNT!

But, she still has my general one. Anyway, slowly but surely...

HAVE YOU PLAYED GOD OF WAR?

I am telling you it is the best distraction ever... I forgot I had children for like two weeks...

Da Bears!! And I live in Dallas, sheeeez!

Wow, Tal you really like to push people's buttons ha ha. A Bears fan, in Dallas. Sheesh

I'm glad Dallas finally got rid of T.O though, Eagles will still trump Dallas this year

T.O. is now Buffalo's problem... T.O. in that market... just doesn't fit. He is bound to reap havoc up there! Nothing else to do.

Yeah, I agree. TO I think was great in dallas, although he caused problems... but the real problem is freaking ROMO!

Why? You ask... BECAUSE HIS HEAD WAS NEVER IN THE GAME BECAUSE OF A WOMAN!! Jessica simpson... and such... hed be on a game and (just kidding although not really) shed call him at gametime :"honey i love you and im soooo drunk with at this party with all these men"!

Tell me that he was at his best after hearing and dealing with that BS...

BUT IM NOT A BITTER GUY! ;)

The real problem in Dallas is the sorry a$$ coaching (Wade Phillips, give me a break) and the fact that Jerry Jones thinks he can just buy another championship, as if he is the Yankees. NFL doesn't work like that. He is just like Bill Snyder...

Hi everybody!

Update:

I spoke to our mutual friend and get this... he said that she didn't know what to do.. or if she wants me because I never "stood up" for myself. When she was angry and cussing at me... I never cussed back!

I never did that because I respected and love her... I could have EASILY cussed her out many times... but bit my tongue... and now she's saying that she doesn't want to dominate a man but the other way around!

I am soooo livid. I'm going to drop off her key to our mutual friend right now and tell him to tell her "latter"...

F&*&k her.

I don't need that kind of woman in my life after all the things I did for her and to be sweet and all... I lll keep you posted. :>

And then some(noticed I said some) women wonder why guys are so cold and distant to them. We have no idea what you want! Treated like a princess and then she leaves because you didn't curse at her, treat her like dog crap, she leaves saying you don't treat he well. Bullcrap

In our haste to please, we forget who we are, and what we stand for, so we end up falling for anything they throw at us.

Well... I did it.

And I told our mutual friend to tell her its over. I said that I changed all my email accounts, my cell phone number and that she should be ashamed of herself for misjudging me like she did... she wanted a man. She got one. And know what?

The man (me) left her.

At this moment.. I have no regrets. Don't know how ill actually feel when my emotions get back in check but ill deal with those later I guess. You know the "what ifs"

I'm very angry and disappointed in her. She knows me better than that. To say that I didn't treat her BAD enough... well, that takes the cake.

Ill tell you what, from what I learned from her... ill never take that kind of abuse from a woman again. But at the same time, I won't change who I am... I won't disrespect or cuss at the one I love. (unless its really really bad.. :)

Anyway, any advice out there people? Thanks for all your support. It means the world to me.

well...i did it.

and i told our mutual friend to tell her its over. i said that i changed all my email accounts, my cell phone number and that she should be ashamed of herself for misjudging me like she did....she wanted a man. she got one. and know what?

the man (me) left her.

at this moment..i have no regrets. dont know how ill actually feel when my emotions get back in check but ill deal with those later i guess. you know the "what ifs"

im very angry and disappointed in her. she knows me better than that. to say that i didnt treat her BAD enough...well, that takes the cake.

ill tell you what, from what i learned from her...ill never take that kind of abuse from a woman again. but at the same time, i wont change who i am...i wont disrespect or cuss at the one i love. (unless its really really bad.. :)

anyway, any advice out there people? thanks for all your support. it means the world to me.

Grabb a beer, and pat yourself on the back!!

A toast: "To your new life!"

I think if you'll get a huge boost if you read the initial posts of this thread. You'll feel so much better about yourself!

Now keep going!

I admit i have NO self respect anymore and she probably doesnt respect me ..but i dont care...i want what i want and i want her!!!!

First I would say gain that self respect of yours back that you say you lost.. When you get to this point of no self respect you tend to do things that aren't necessary to get the one that you say you love..
This may sound a little bad in some way but just know that everyone breaks up. Not everyone stays together forever.

She sounds just like my ex
That's not a good thing because she left me for a guy she chatted to on Facebook for only 2wks, and I caught her having fonesex onenight, said nothing and went back to sleep, only to wake and forget about it /think I dreamt it... beleive me she's playing you and if I were you I would just ignore her as the relationship is doomed to failure just like mine was... its hard to give up I know... all this happened to me less than 2wks ago and I'm still recovering but if there's one thing I know its this... you or I don't need or deserve to be treated this way... go find a good honest girl with a honest heart, who really cares about your feelings and wants to be a part of your life, and not the reason you are alive.

Wow... thanks everyone.

I was sleeping last night, woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep thinking about the fact that I made so that there was NOOOO way for her to contact me (except for our friend).

That's crazy.

After 5 years... I just changed or deleted any way for her to reach me.

I still feel good about my decision and all but (here we go) I did draw first blood... in other words... although she had "left me" 3 weeks ago... I "officially" made it happen.

I keep running scenarios through my mind.. like what my friend told me.: she wanted to be dominated. If I would have beat the sh** out of her... cussed her etc... she would have stayed/had respect for me?

Crazy.

I really appreciate everyone's help through all of my ordeal. Now that the 'choices" have been made........any recommendations on how to continue to heal and put these "thoughts" of our relationship behind? Besides... talking about football... etc.

I really do want a healthy relationship with another woman. Did I do anything wrong?

Thanks

My recommendation: do NOT worry about finding another woman. Relationships are all about experience, in not only finding out what the other person wants, but what you want as well. Just take life as it goes, and be happy with yourself, and somewhere, sometime, someone will find you that likes you for who you are... until then HAVE FUN! Being single is A LOT of fun, and it isn't about worrying about girls.

People...

Get this.

Our mutual friend called. Said that he wanted my email address.. because I deleted my others. I gave it to him and he said the my EXgf wanted it because she is USING me for a professional reference for jobs she's looking for!!

Omg.

Comments? Now she has my email address!

You better tell your friend that wasn't a good idea, not without telling you first.

Yeah... well he has it now. Damn.

Keep u posted.

people......

get this.

our mutual friend called. said that he wanted my email address..cuz i deleted my others. i gave it to him and he said the my EXgf wanted it because she is USING me for a professional reference for jobs shes looking for!!!!

omg.

comments? now she has my email address!

Did you agree to be a professional reference for her? If not, that's plain damn rude of her.. and even if you did, you're not obligated by any means. I ALWAYS ask first if I can use someone as a reference. Also, did you explain to your mutual friend that you did not want anything to do with your ex? It sounds like that might not have come across as clear the first time if you did. I personally would flat out ignore all inquiries as a professional reference in regards to her - the moment you open your mouth to say anything about her either positive or negative it can be used against you and that's drama you do NOT want. If she (or has someone else) asks about why you didn't respond ignore that too. Don't get involved with these games! You guys are broken up, you don't owe her squat.

On a side note, let your emotions settle first before letting your mind wander too much about if you did the right thing or not. Once your head is clear, you'll be able to look back at the relationship you had with more clarity to see if you did do anything wrong.

Hi... no I didn't say I would be a professional reference!! How about that for her? See what I dealt with! Maybe our friend hasn't told her about what I said. He said he'd tell her tommorw. When she drops by his place. And she hasn't read my email. Yet. But damn. To ask for that through our friend!! That's pretty lousy of her.

Comments? And I'd look like a coward if I deleted my. We email address like I was scared of her!!

Now I'm stuck k owing that she could email me anytime!!

Add her address to the spam filter. That way you'll never receive any e-mail from her. I did that and it does wonders.

Yeah but then I'd still look unmanly.Cuz. I didn't respond to her. I'm dAmned if I do and damned if I don't. Now what? I wait? I'll tell you what I won't respond to her email to me if she does write me.

Everybody. What are your opinions of my ex?

Thanks. I just want to get your thoughts of her. You see I wrote my original email to her 3 weeks ago and she has never contacted me until she needs this from me! >:

Why is that coward? You already told her you are done with her. So she shouldn't expect an answer to begin with. Personally, I think cowardice would be to answer any e-mail from her, when she didn't show any respect for you.

If you are done with her, you need to be done with her. You know what was one of my highlights today? My ex after weeks w/o any contact decides to send me a message on my IM, after I asked her not do so. I didn't even read. Just closed the window and blocked her. Felt so good. And I'm proud of it.

Yeah but then I'd still look unmanly.Cuz. I didn't respond to her. I'm dAmned if I do and damned if I don't. Now what? I wait? I'll tell u what I won't respond to her email to me if she does write me.

Everybody. What are ur opinions of my ex?

Thnx. I just want to get ur thoughts of her. U see I wrote my original email to her 3 weeks ago and she has never contacted me until she needs this from me! >:

I'm missing the part where you would be "unmanly" by not responding to her? Is it unmanly to ignore spam? Didn't think so. She is the one who wanted to end it right? Well she has to live with the consequences. You have your own life now and don't owe her anything.

Get your last business dealings with her taken care of then ignore her and don't let her get under your skin. I know that you already know what you need to do.. now do it!

Well, its been two weeks, is there an update?

Well the update...

I feel like a big idiot with a "kick me" sign on my as$

I got an email from our mutual friend and it was a form that she had forwarded to him to forward it to me.

It was a "button" form that asked me how to rate her professionally.

What can I say... I freaking still love her you know? Its torture but I filled it out, with glowing recommendations.

I feel like a junkie. No really, I don't want the abuse. I'm not looking for that. You know some people like that... like her evidently!

Anyway, I hope I'm "done" now. Considering that she didn't email me, I guess that's a good thing. Now, lets hope she doesn't if she gets drunk etc... :0

Comments please. Don't kick my butt too much.

Its late at night... and after all this progres I made, I feel like I'm slipping back to false hope, despair.. etc.

I need to just not have anything to do with her. I was great today until my friend mentioned that she needed me for the recommendation!

Damnit.

This feeling will come and go. And it will happen sometimes even when she's not in your mind. It's weird to be alone again.

The best way to deal with these thoughts is really to remove them forcefully. Get a book or do some physical activity. It's really hard. And I'm not going to lie, it's going to be hard. But it will be good for you in the long run.

Thanks imtotallylost...

Ill keep trying... but its going to be day by day.

those are good points....but she is so loving when things are going great. thats why its so hard for me to let her go....another thing....she is f...kn so beautiful....face, body...everything! when we go anywhere, men and women look at her! anyway, we do have BIG drama..it seems like its a rollercoaster up and down....but when its goood its great! ive tried to tell her not to throw any more tantrums and she says: then dont piss me off and you knew that i was like this.....

so now what? what do you suggest i do?

You need to wake up, then grow up and be a man! Tell her to pound sand and make love to herself in the mirror. I am sure there are people out there who can see what she is, why can't you?
If she loved you she wouldn't treat you badly. If she loved you she wouldn't play games, throw tantrums and break up. You are enthralled with her beauty. But what truly lays underneath that beautiful epidermis of hers is a sick and cruel person. Is this beating she's giving you worth wasting your valuable life for? There are many other beautiful, sexy women in this world who are good natured people.
You are not in a relationship that is worth holding on to. Because this is not a relationship. She will toy with your emotions as long as she can. She is not a kind individual. You may as well let her go now, because it is just a matter of time till she gets bored playing with you and finds a new sucker to drive crazy. She is unstable. Things can get much worse with her you know. As she gets older she may possibly become meaner an even having you do things you know are wrong. Is this the life you want? One last thing. She loves when you come crawling! It feeds her twisted ego. Take this experience to gain a little wisdom in this area. There could be a real winner out there for you if you let go of this and move on. Be strong.

What you are going through is not love. It an obsession of the physical body and sex. It really matters not who she is sleeping with. I understand that your emotions are awry right now but instead of getting anxious over who she is sleeping with you should be sooooooooo glad you are free from her and feel sorry for any other man who she does this to. If she were ugly you would never have been with her at all. The funny thing is she is truly ugly you just have blinders on!

Well... thats an eye opener!

Thanks for telling me those comments!! It really fu#king helps me. I seem to keep forgeting all of that. I don't know why? Someone please tell me why I keep forgeting that?

I was going to give everyone an update: she emailed me just now asking me to reply to her request for me to recommend her. I emailed her back saying that I already did.

And, she began her email with my name instead of a term of endearment like she always does... ending it with : thanks :)

How about that? Well I was going to whine about that just now until I read those comments.. now I don't feel so worthless. But nonetheless.. what do you all think about this?

Comments please!

I am enthralled with her beauty. I guess that's why I wanted/want her so much. She is a looker guys. I mean yummy.

But yeah, she is an ugly person on the inside. It has taken me a long time to come to realize that but I am slowly understanding this.

Crazy,

You don't need our comments on how ridiculous it is to desire someone to call you hunny, sugarpie, sweet lips AFTER you have broken up.

You have one heck of a REALLY THICK skull on you there. Are you enjoying anything about you yet?

I can't tell you how many hot girls I have met that I would love to just slam their head into a curb... looks aren't everything. If you can get her, why is it so hard to believe you can't get another "looker"?

Sorry to be so harsh and violent guys, but it is Friday, NCAA basketball is heating up, and I am pumped!

Carry on... :cool:

Yeah I am stubborn... thanks for the reality check people!

And kctiger... ur right... I CAN get another looker.

Well now here's the problem... answer this for me please or how to handle it.

I KNOW her and she likes to toy with me just like the comments earlier said. So, when she comes back and now "wants" to be with me... how do I tell her no? I mean id rather SHE think she broke up with me.. u know? I don't want her to get psycho on me. I know that she would even though it seems that I'm way too crazy for her.

Please let me know what you would do!

Are you afraid of her? I tell you what, I will handle this for you. Give her my email, and we can talk. Short, sweet, and I guarantee you she will leave you alone...

Continue carrying on... :cool:

NC!! You're the only one who cares how beautiful and yummy she is, as we all know your tripping over small things and keeping this thread alive. Your business with her is done, so now what are you doing for yourself?



When she comes back and now "wants" to be with me... how do I tell her no


Yes!! NC!!

Why do you want to deal with this?

You want to take all of your feelings back to day one? You want back onto the roller coaster? Come over here I will be happy to remove your nuts for you, since that would be the goal. Imagine how great you could feel to tell her that you are done being her punching bag.

So she might "want" to be with you again... and then she won't want to be with you again... and you can go right back to going through all of this from the beginning. You REALLY need to value yourself.

:)

Well said everyone. Well said.

:)


Ill keep u posted with the drama. Man, don't know where the hell id be without u guys. Probably on the end of a noose!

:)

I am enthralled with her beauty. I guess that's why I wanted/want her so much. She is a looker guys. I mean yummy.

But yeah, she is an ugly person on the inside. It has taken me a long time to come to realize that but I am slowly understanding this.

Beauty is commonplace. Every corner you turn, every street you cross, you're bound to run into a beautiful girl or two. What is truly rare is when run into a person who has their crap together and is not a complete headcase that likes to play mindgames with you.


I KNOW her and she likes to toy with me just like the comments earlier said. So, when she comes back and now "wants" to be with me... how do I tell her no? I mean id rather SHE think she broke up with me.. u know? I don't want her to get psycho on me. I know that she would even though it seems that I'm way too crazy for her.

You don't tell her anything because you'd be encouraging her even further to play more games with your head and emotions. Do yourself a favor and cut off all contact. No more "excuses" to communicate with her. No more false hope. Start with an stick with NC!

I mean its cool if you're aiming for a post count record.. power to you buddy.. but seriously no more excuses OK? You'll thank yourself 20 replies from now (and if I'm wrong I'll just edit my post and change the 20 to however many it takes for you to get it). I promise.

Thanks unlucky ducky!

Trying to understand myself... help me out:

Why is it that I'm so strong in the daytime and then at night I fall "victim" to my emotions?

Just curious... anyone been through that? A little help please for tonight...

You feel more alone at night, and in the morning. Usually all you have are your thoughts, as you aren't very busy.

Because you are laying in bed and thinking about her I would imagine. Start taking a book to bed with you, read until you pass out. Then you aren't just lying in bed thinking.

Because you are laying in bed and thinking about her I would imagine. Start taking a book to bed with you, read until you pass out. Then you aren't just lying in bed thinking.

Copy cat... ;)

Cool beans. Makes sense.

Thankx.

Hopefully things will start getting easier.

Previous post edited: To prevent any lawsuits from kctiger Inc.

Ya read a book or watch some TV, something funny, late night comedy. Whatever you do, do not drink! It's a depressant. Im still too stupid to give up on my ex after we broke up 2 months ago. I think about her wherever I go, when I sleep when I wake up. I still keep breaking NC. I guess I don't have the will power. I might be taking another trip to leave this environment again, the Caribbean did me some good, but I was alone with no friends or family. So another trip to see family overseas may help me more. The thing to do is keep busy or your thoughts will consume you. The thing is most people review their day by the end of the night which gets your brain in the thinking process.

Get an Xbox, it worked wonders after my break up. I couldn't sleep, so I'd turn on my xbox and beat the crap out of some 13 year old punk kid in Halo 3.

And yes, I did feel good about myself for picking on the younger kids:P

Guys... this is the email I just got from her:

First of all...thank you for doing that reference check for me....and no, I hadn't seen the e-mail...haven't checked it for several days. I have a lot to say about what you said in this e-mail and one that you sent a while back, but I really haven't been able to put the words together.

I'm sorry to hear about all the crap going on in your life right now...but I'm glad at least you have FCD to lean on. I'll get back to you soon about the 2 emails.

take care of yourself

What the hell?

I'm sooo pissed. I don't want her to get back to me.

Then delete her f-ing emails! That simple. You are doing this to yourself! Take back the power and be done with this entire mess. Wipe the slate clean my friend...

Then put her e-mail address in the SPAM filter, you will have NO IDEA she responded that way

::banging head on wall::

Some people NEVER listen...

Running out of band-aids here fella.

Crazy,

You don't need our comments on how ridiculous it is to desire someone to call you hunny, sugarpie, sweet lips AFTER you have broken up.

You have one heck of a REALLY THICK skull on you there. Are you enjoying anything about you yet?

I read the first 2 comments the OP wrote then posted my message. I should have read the following messages before making a comment. My bad. Sorry.

Then don't let her get back to you, put it in the spam folder or delete. If you read what she has to say, then you might have something to say back to her, and it never ends. Im in the same damn situation and because of my curiousity I still do it. Im attempting my final and 8th time of NC. Why I invited her to breakfast this morning and pick her up in a viper... I don't know!! She didn't come anyway. Too bad the viper was really cool to drive around and the food was great.

Wow heartbreak. That's pretty awful. I'm sorryto hear that. Well if I get an email from her I'll just delete it.

I'll let youall know. Thnkx for being there for me. Im sure she has her own support group. Her loser whore friends. But u guys r great!

All right guys... n gals...

I broke nc. Damnit. But she emailed me the one I showed you. I emailed back giving her a deadline / ultimatum for her if she wants to TRY to come back. I know I know... :(

Anyway, I said that if not by this date, then don't do anything... and it will be over.

Now, at least she can be the one to blame and have it on her instead of me.

I feel lousy. But I knew id have this problem if she emailed me...

Comments?

You have to do what everyone is saying... do not contact her you will never get over her.
It took me 8 months to figure out she was not coming back that's when I started the nc and its great.

I don't know what she's doing because I don't ask or have her tell me... so there is nothing to worry about because the less you know the less it will hurt..

What I started to do was look at myself through someone else eyes.. and let me tell you I looked like a fking sucker.. thought I couldn't live without her.. the stuff I used to say or do to get her back were sad... no wonder she didn't lol... I wasn't a MAN... I'm dating and I realized there's something about me that women like and it feels good..



STOP TALKING TO HER!!

You know what people?

Along with finding out that she thought I was too submisive... which is NOT the case, I was just being sweet. Believe me I can be an a$$hole very easily... but firsttime... brings up a good point

I want your opinion...

She did tell our mutual friend that she questioned my manhood! Canu believe that crap? I couldn't.. so that's when I told her and my friend... my ultimatum and not to contact me until she decides...

AND if she decides not to try with me again... then not to do ANYTHING. In the meantime... im going to stick to NC.

she did tell our mutual friend that she questioned my manhood! Canu believe that crap? I couldn't.. so that's when I told her and my friend... my ultimatum and not to contact me until she decides...

Anger, frustration, confusion, pain, etc. All of these emotions eventually dwindle once you step away from the entire situation. Both physically and emotionally. You need to posses friends of your own. Either that, or, tell this mutual friend not to spring up any information or concern regarding your ex.

if u love her really love and do anything for then do something romantic for her like randomly show up at her door with flowers and choclates and if she's willing to go with you bring her to a romantic dinner... but if its just puppy love and you could do better forget her... just remember every girl is after her romeo and will always test you and fight with you because basically us girls we're es

Thankx justwantfair...

Got confused for a moment there. But justwantfair... im feeling very vulnerable now. I gave that ultimatium but I really feel that she's not going tocome back :( as disfunctional as it was, we were going to get married.

So you see the agony I'm going through here. Now I have to wait to see if she contacts me in about one month. If she does then she wants me, if she doesn't then we are broken up. Simple as that. But those were my terms but damn... I really want her to come back to me. Am soooo crazy for her. Maybe I need some pills or something. I was down all day long today. Wonderng what she is going to choose... help!!

as disfunctional as it was, we were going to get married.


Are you starting to see the point here?

You two are DYSFUNCTIONAL together.

You need to separate yourself from this girl. Stop all means of on going information gathering, and contacting, immediately.


I really want her to come back to me. Am soooo crazy for her. Maybe I need some pills or something. I was down all day long today. Wonderng what she is going to choose... help!!

Other then drowning yourself in self pity, what did you do today that was productive for YOURSELF?

I just moved from an apartment that we were going to share to a single bed apartment. :(

I was down all day long today. Wondering what she is going to choose... help!!

That's your problem, your wondering what she will do, instead of planning what you want to do.

The ultimatum was dumb, and self serving, an you would have felt better about yourself if you had disappeared from her life, and followed the suggestions here and began the healing process.

You don't need pills, you need to stop chasing ghosts.

Just examine honestly, your progress over 24 pages of advice, over nearly a month. Are you happy with that? I'm disappointed myself, but you get no empathy for self inflicted misery, and pain.

talaniman:

Yes I was very proud of my progress with everyone's help here. I tried and did do all that was suggested except for when she reached out and emailed me that goddam#ed job request and then emailed me about that she will get back with me on my other emails.

Then, I admit, I lost it.

Its so hard to walk away from your loves desire. And I would have felt better if I walked away from her life but now I'm stuck with waiting to see what SHE does to me. Damnit.

Can you tell me what you mean about "chasing ghosts?" does that mean I'm just in denial or what? Is it false hope? A lot of bad things beside her are going on in my life and I KNOW that this is effecting how I am behaving about her.

I want her to respect me but she doesn't. She used to and I used to be strong like that but like I said, lifes problems are really bad with me right now and she knows that and seems that she has... wants to bail out on me rather than helping me through everything.

Example: I had my home forcloesed on last week. I lost my job due to downsizing. I have to file bankruptcy. I have depression because of it all. And NOW my girlfriend... of 5 years is freaking leaving me too!!

God never gives you more than you can handle right? Well it sure seems too much for me to handle. The one person that I need, isn't there for me. Are you surprised that I'm fighting for the one thing that I love? As bad as it might be, without her I have nothing left.

Not trying to have a pity party but reality is what it is... comments please. ANYONE.

You have nothing left?

You are alive, you are able to type, you have access to a computer, you have a TON of people that care for you (just look at your thread of heartfelt replies). When things get tough it is especially important to look at you have, rather than focusing on what you don't have. Seems to me, you are getting the shot to prove to yourself, and everyone else, that YOU alone can do this, and this girl who has no respect for you DOES NOT matter.

Yeah, I see that kctiger. I do have my health and you guys. Focus on what I have... ok.

OK... prove it to myself... if I can survive this.. I can do anything life gives me. Alone... just me.

I get that she doesn't matter in this regard. She doesn't control what happpens to me. No one can do that.

yeah, i see that kctiger. i do have my health and you guys. focus on what i have...ok.

ok...prove it to myself...if i can survive this..i can do anything life gives me. alone...just me.

i get that she doesnt matter in this regard. she doesnt control what happpens to me. noone can do that.

Repeat, repeat, and then repeat again. Good luck!

yeah, i see that kctiger. i do have my health and you guys. focus on what i have...ok.

ok...prove it to myself...if i can survive this..i can do anything life gives me. alone...just me.

i get that she doesnt matter in this regard. she doesnt control what happpens to me. noone can do that.


Exactly. Often times in life, you will face many obstacles. How you handle them sculpts you as a person for the rest of your life.

All right everyone... heres the deal:

Today I am PROMISING myself this is the last day I will think of her and all the BS that I'm going through, what she is putting me through, what's been on my mind.

I'm giving myself JUST today and then tomorrow I am going to mentally put her out of my mind if I start to feel sorry for myself... wish me luck because its going to be hard.

When I get in to fights with my partner, sometimes I just want him to man up, when he doesn't I just feel helpless. Sometimes, we girls, like to see men, its not that she wanted you to go overline and yell and slap her, she just wanted to see you stand up to yourself because she craves the tougher side of you...

You should not have changed your number and all the other crazy things you did. Girls like attention, so she probably wanted you to do some great gesture, Actions are everything to a woman.
And most couples who have been in a really long relationship usually get back together..

You know, you seem like a nice guy, I think in time she would have came back to you...
I hate all the people that say you should get laid... its not a solution. What you need to find is someone else who will replace your ex and mean more to you.
You won't have a hard time finding someone, you seem nice..
However, I do believe you will get back together with your ex. But you sort of may have ruined it by changing all your personal contacts.

(this is a reply to you a few days ago, I'm relplying seperatly as I go, otherwise I will forget)

Man, you should have been that professional reference...
Be a man and take your pride out...
You'll be happier

Uh, I'm sorry I misunderstood, you did the reference letter... :-D...

You have so much adrenaline in you because of all your misfortunes..
Im so sorry that you have gone through so much trouble.

Your girlfriend should have been there too support you, but she got out probably because you were complaining or winning too much, and all she wanted to see you do is take action and control of your life. We don't like to see men winning and hopeless. Its societys fault really, society causes stereotypes..
Im not sure this is the case for your ex, but this is what I would have wanted to see from my partner.

I do believe you are not over her and are not ready to let her go. And I don't blame you, you guys have been in a 5 year relationship so it takes time.
Giving her a deadline may have seemed right at the moment, but what if she is not the type of person who checks her emails frequently.
I want you to meet up with your ex and see where both of you are now. And you should tell her that she should let you know when the relationship is over after a fight, rather than to just stop communication with you, so that you can move on a bit more easily.
Basically I want you to have closure.. your mutual friend shouldn't have to be the middle man.


Its really nice to see that you have a supportive community here..
I wish you the best with your life and ex
And I hope you can finally decide whether you truly want to be with her or not.
If you guys don't happen to get back together, don't worry. Just try to focus on trying to get you life back, and you never know maybe you will meet a special someone along the way..
Good luck

Thanks unspeaken21...

I think you're right in her wanting me to standup for myself. But she was cussing at me and abusive in her language. If I responed like that... I would have been a real a$$. Why do that? I just want a no DRAMA relationship. I shouldn't have to be a to get a woman to respect me and not do that to me.

She has a bad potty mouth as it is. Like a sailor. This was OK when we first got together but later I started to think less of her because she doesn't act like a "lady"... u know? Dudes out there...

She's like a guy friend but you don't want your chick to be like that... just some of the time. Am I right?

So, you see, besides having a bad temper and cussing and all, she also would lash out and hit things... like the wall or door with her fist and scream and yell.

Cmon... everybody, do you think that it would have been right of me to give that kind of behavoir back to her or just walk away... because I just walked away...

As for changing my email.. and all... the community here told me to NC so I took it to the higher level and wiped out everything... besides... everyone out there...

If she really wants me back... doesnt THAT prove to her that I CAN stand up for myself and I DO have a backbone? I even told her via email that I DID give her the reference...

What are your comments please... because after today... im not going to think about her... well at least try not to.

As far as I'm concerned it is over. If she comes back or tries to contact me... well that's up to her but I'm not going to look for it.

Isn't that right EVERYBODY?

Also...

I KNOW she took advantage of my sweetness to her... I told her that in an email and said that just because I was sweet to her didn't mean I wasn't a man.

I mean I used to FU%% her for HOURS, etc... she sure liked it>.. u know!

Anyway... I just wanted to SHOW her by changing everything... a SILENT but serious way that I wasn't going to tolerate her BS anymore...

Our mutual friend said that she told him that she was "surprised" by my email and said "interesting"... thought I was mad when I sent it... but I wasn't... u see what I'm talking about?

One more thing... I told her that I don't want to play games... and so I didn't... in THAT sense... I was a "man" because I put up with her BS for 3 weeks without a reply from her as I was texting her and emailing her...

She said... she wasn't "feeling it" for me to come over and that she needed "space" OK... but nooooo, I still said morning baby... and such in texts...

Well, when I stopped I stopped. Sent her the email and explained my actions and gave her the ultimatum... now its up to her. Well now... is she taking me for granted? Who knows.

How's that for being a "man"

And if she doesn't come around then she doesn't... just today I saw 3 pretty girls...


Comments please!