So I'm a 21 year old girl and I'm still a virgin. I have dated a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with me and I don't really know why I haven't been in a relationship or had sex, I guess the timing just hasn't been right yet or something along those lines. It's not that I'm planning on waiting until marriage either--I just want to be in a committed relationship.

I recently ran into a guy I hadn't seen in a few years at a party and ended up staying over at his house because I was too drunk to drive and there wasn't enough room to stay over at my friend's house (where the party was). I assume he wanted sex from me (why else would he have asked if I wanted to stay over if he wasn't interested?), but at the time it didn't feel right for me so we ended up just talking and cuddling that night. I have seen him since then, but it seems like he just wants to be friends. I wonder if the fact that I didn't have sex with him pushed him away. Maybe he heard through mutual friends that I'm a virgin, I don't know. Is having sex with somebody really the only way to show that you're interested in them?

Anyway, I just feel a little behind in terms of all of this because of the fact that I am still a virgin and it's not as common for somebody my age. It's easier for people that have already had sex to be more casual about it, but I'm just trying to find somebody that will at least commit to me for a little while until I'm ready for sex. Is finding out that a girl is a virgin something that scares guys away? I've thought about just not telling guys that I'm a virgin because it seems to put a lot more pressure on them, but at the same time I don't want to lose my virginity to a guy with him thinking that it's a one time thing and then never even see him again.

Let me know if you have any feedback on this.

Some of your statements in your posts are alarming..

"Is having sex with somebody really the only way to show that you're interested in them?"

Come on, you know better than this? Any guy that's worth your time does not feel that way.. if that were the case, sex on the first date would be expected and very common.

Seems to me that you're choosing to spend time with the wrong guys. If that guy doesn't want to date you because you didn't put ou, then that's his issue and HE'S NOT WORTH DATING! That would mean he only wants you for sex.

On the other hand, he could had respected the fact that you were drunk and didn't want to take advantage of you, that's why he didn't try anything.. it might mean that he's a respectible guy.

Like I said ,if any guy turns you away because you're a virgin, they are not worth your time..

I think it's very admirble that you want to wait until you're in a committed relationship and you shouldn't be ashamed of it..

You're a rare commodity.. it gives the impression to me that you're a classy gal.. Don't let society tell you what's right or wrong, listen to your gut, it seems to have gotten you to where you are now, which is a good place

THere are people out there... you will know who they are because they won't get upset and bent out of shape when you tell them you aren't ready yet. Get rid of those that get obnoxious and pushy... and keep the ones that are respectful and understanding.

From a guys point of view!. most men are jerks... most 20 year old men are very active sexually. However, the few who are actually wanting a relationship and commitment CAN and will do what is necessary to make you feel comfortable and know that you DON'T have to have sex with him to make someone feel wanted.
You HAVE to be careful no matter what situation your in, because some men (even if you think they are genuine) can be very pushy yet subtle.
The bottom line is... your virginity is YOURS, not anyone else's and YOU will know when you are ready to go on with it. Until then just be safe and have fun dating... when a guys truly interested, there will be no cause for concern.

HI girl, Let me say that you have to know that *you* pick the man you are attracted to as a PERSON. If you are attracted to bad boys who treat women poorly, get some therapy. Otherwise, just have men who are your friends. You are not going to have much success in your male-female relationships if you can't have male friends, talk about serious stuff with them without having sex.

Make friends with nice guys! Do stuff with them, play sports with them, on and on.

Our sick society is overly focused on sex and people are having the worst sex lives according to studies. That should be a wake up for all young people!

You sound like I was at your age, you are a bit behind in your social growth with the opposite sex, so you have to get busy and make relationships with men... then, pick a good man to break you in. I'm not much for romantic love, it's bs, in my opinion.

Best wishes to you,

Many people like to say, "guys only want one thing!"

Well, this isn't tru! All guys "want one thing," but some guys don't only want one thing. In general, if a woman is willing to have sex with a man, the man will take it, but that does not mean that is all he is after.

Women have so much power over their own sexualities. All you have to do as a woman is have sex on your own terms and don't use it for any reason except that you want to at a certain time and place.

Sex should not be used to rope a man into commitment. Having sex with someone does not carry with it any future assumptions unless they are specifically discussed between you and your partner.

So basically, to answer your question, any guy that really likes you and is interested in you will not be that concerned about only sex. Explore your sexuality on your own terms. Guys are attracted to women who are comfortable with their bodies, so work on yourself so that you feel great about who you are outside and in.

Sunshine, you do what feels right to you. If you want to save it for a committed relationship (marriage or otherwise), then do so. It can have as much, or as little value as you place upon it, as your virginity is yours, and only yours.

As a man who held his virginity until after high school, I simply held out until I had someone I trusted and who held similar values. She, too, was in a similar situation as you. We used our trust in one another to fumble (and laugh) our way through things. We were friends that chose not to take part in the drama, and had long term goals that did not allow for committed, involved relationships.

Use your own judgment and do what feels right in your situation.

P.S.. Choux, =P
Romantic Love may unfortunately be BS in your opinion, but my wife and I have been on our honeymoon for nearly a decade. Granted, you can't live on that alone, but when the basic priorites are being met for a successful relationship (trust, careers, goals, values, etc), ROMANCTIC LOVE is an AWESOME luxury to have when you can find it. It doesn't pay the bills, but it sure makes a good relationship that much better! </opinion>

It really just depends on the guy...

From experience... some guys really want sex in a relationship or outside of a relationship and when they hear that a girl is a virgin all they hear is "no sex" so they lose interest... some guys expect a woman who hasn't been married to be a virgin which is a turn on to them... and some guys like the challenge of taking virginitys and they keep a count... and to some guys it doesn't matter at all because they are really interested in the girl and not so much the sex. All you have to do is figure out what type of guy your dealing with. Being able to do this will come along with getting older and having more life experiences.

If a guy has a problem with you being a virgin than you shouldn't be with, plain and simple.

When your ready to have sex than you will but let that be your choice and nobody else's. Having sex will not keep a guy nor make them want to be with you especially if he doesn't want to be around.

The guy should want to be with you regardless if your not having sex.

My now fiance' was a virgin when I met her 10 years ago. I was not. She was 22, I was 19. Looking back, I really respect her for her decision. We didn't have sex until we knew we were going to be committed to each other, it took almost a year, give or take. We are still together today, our love is strong as a rock and there is a selfish part of me that loves the fact that Im the only guy she's been with. It kind of helps with that whole "disease free" thing that seems to be a problem in this world of ours anymore. Long story short, there is nothing wrong with you. Don't give your virginity to just anybody, make sure its someone you are in love with. Any man worth your time will wait until you are ready and not pressure you.

I did not read all the responses so I am guessing that what I'm going to say has been said several times arlready, but if it helps reinforce the idea then more power to me I guess!

First off a girl that is a virgin is not going to push MEN looking for a relationship away, it's going to push players looking for an easy target away though. That's also not saying that the guy you met is a player, you have to remember the circumstances of the night. You were both drunk and he obviously did not want you driving home. Now that he is sober maybe he has reconsidered how he thinks of you? Just remember, save yourself for someone you can share it with. To some people sex is just casual, to you it is NOT. So do what is right in your heart and wait it out. It does not make you wrong, weak, or behind the times to stand up for what you believe in, in fact it makes you stronger and a more independent woman to "dance to the beat of your own drum" and not societies.

I recently ran into a guy I hadn't seen in a few years at a party and ended up staying over at his house because I was too drunk to drive and there wasn't enough room to stay over at my friend's house (where the party was). I assume he wanted sex from me (why else would he have asked if I wanted to stay over if he wasn't interested?)

Uh... you stayed over 'cause you were too drunk and there wasn't enough room at your friends. He'd be irresponsible to let someone who's wasted drive. That's pretty immature of you to think that way.

It all depends on the guy, I don't know how I'd feel about dating a virgin.

chrissymarie has the best answer on here, read her's.

I've dated a few virgins back before I got married... I never ran when she said she was a virgin... a couple gave theirs up to me, a few didn't and in the end if we broke up it was never about who put out and who didn't.

There are louts out there who are only after the score... they are nearly all pretty obvious and women who go for that type deserve what they get.

It's a symbol of honor, or perhaps faithfulness. Not necessarily though. Its goes with the marriage without marriage I think it means nothing. Its like I am all yours and forever. At least at that point.

A wife is like clothe to Husband and A husband is like clothes to wife. I don't think many people like sharing their clothes.

But all in all the "intact Hymen" is not necessarily what it represents.

Uh... you stayed over 'cause you were too drunk and there wasn't enough room at your friends. He'd be irresponsible to let someone who's wasted drive. That's pretty immature of you to think that way.

It all depends on the guy, I don't know how I'd feel about dating a virgin.

chrissymarie has the best answer on here, read her's.


He asked me to stay in his room with him, so that's why I figured he wanted something out of it.

He asked me to stay in his room with him, so that's why I figured he wanted something out of it.Yeah, I'll agree with that... otherwise he would have let you sleep in a guest room or the couch.

He asked me to stay in his room with him, so that's why I figured he wanted something out of it.
That sheds a lot of new light on the post now.

Most guys usually like virgins because they are very tight in the vagina. I'm not joking. You should wait until marriage until any sexual intercourse. Oral, etc. is fine.

Most guys usually like virgins because they are very tight in the vagina. I'm not joking. You should wait until marriage until any sexual intercourse. Oral, etc. is fine.

Um... that is just so NOT true. Personal experience. Nor does having kids make you loose automatically. I've known a very small mother of 4 (like 4'10" and 90 lbs) that was tighter than any virgin I ever had.

That sheds a lot of new light on the post now.

How so?

how so?He was wanting in your pants... getting you to sleep in his bed gets him a LOT closer to his goal.

I am a mid 20s virgin too!
Dreading for sex... or touch and feel someone for that matter. To loose it with some one virgin would be special...

I lost my virginity after high school too. I'd met guys who seemed to think that they needed to "fix" that or seemed uninterested in me otherwise, but I didn't keep them around.

It IS frustrating, but when I finally found my guy, and he found out I was a virgin he was fine with winning my trust and letting me go an my own pace. Over a month after we he told me he felt so special that I wanted him to be my first.

Look for a guy who respects you and will understand just how rare and awesome it is to find a girl that cares and trusts herself enough to do things, and is willing to wait for the right guy. A good man will realize just how much you mean to him if you let him have you when you're ready.


BTW... for your first time... condom+lube+you on top at first+foreplay+relax. It could range from somewhat painful to frikkin sweet, but if it really really really hurts, feel free to stop him. You might not be turned on enough or well-lubricated, and this also applies to non-virgins. If you're enjoying it, you may not even notice that your cherry just got popped, so make sure you relax and let him know this could take a while, and have him do something that you find especially arousing or pleasurable first, and try to have him work up to it (maybe try fingering you sometime gently, let you get used to the feeling, see if he'll go down on you, and when you honestly don't feel like that's enough for you anymore, you're probably ready).

I lost my virginity after high school too. I'd met guys who seemed to think that they needed to "fix" that or seemed uninterested in me otherwise, but I didn't keep them around.

It IS frustrating, but when I finally found my guy, and he found out I was a virgin he was fine with winning my trust and letting me go an my own pace. Over a month after we he told me he felt so special that I wanted him to be my first.

Look for a guy who respects you and will understand just how rare and awesome it is to find a girl that cares and trusts herself enough to do things, and is willing to wait for the right guy. A good man will realize just how much you mean to him if you let him have you when you're ready.


BTW...for your first time...condom+lube+you on top at first+foreplay+relax. It could range from somewhat painful to frikkin sweet, but if it really really really hurts, feel free to stop him. You might not be turned on enough or well-lubricated, and this also applies to non-virgins. If you're enjoying it, you may not even notice that your cherry just got popped, so make sure you relax and let him know this could take a while, and have him do something that you find especially arousing or pleasurable first, and try to have him work up to it (maybe try fingering you sometime gently, let you get used to the feeling, see if he'll go down on you, and when you honestly don't feel like that's enough for you anymore, you're probably ready).

I meant he said he felt special about a month after we'd first made love (his preferred term, he's rather sentimental and romantic sometimes... I loves him!) by the way, so it wasn't as if he was using that to convince me into bed. I mean, technically he'd gotten me into his bed, but he knew I wouldn't go all the way, so he only asked once or twice if we were fooling around and took a solid no as a sign to stick to other activities.

I lost my virginity after high school too. I'd met guys who seemed to think that they needed to "fix" that or seemed uninterested in me otherwise, but I didn't keep them around.

It IS frustrating, but when I finally found my guy, and he found out I was a virgin he was fine with winning my trust and letting me go an my own pace. Over a month after we he told me he felt so special that I wanted him to be my first.

Look for a guy who respects you and will understand just how rare and awesome it is to find a girl that cares and trusts herself enough to do things, and is willing to wait for the right guy. A good man will realize just how much you mean to him if you let him have you when you're ready.


BTW...for your first time...condom+lube+you on top at first+foreplay+relax. It could range from somewhat painful to frikkin sweet, but if it really really really hurts, feel free to stop him. You might not be turned on enough or well-lubricated, and this also applies to non-virgins. If you're enjoying it, you may not even notice that your cherry just got popped, so make sure you relax and let him know this could take a while, and have him do something that you find especially arousing or pleasurable first, and try to have him work up to it (maybe try fingering you sometime gently, let you get used to the feeling, see if he'll go down on you, and when you honestly don't feel like that's enough for you anymore, you're probably ready).

Thank you so much for your response. My feelings about the whole topic have changed a bit recently and I've come to some realizations. It is very frustrating trying to find a guy that is willing to wait until I'm ready. I know that I will eventually find the right guy and I think I'll be happy that I saved it for somebody that cares about me on more than just a sexual level. I think a lot of women (myself included) feel like they're "supposed" to lose their virginity by a certain age and end up regretting it. I'm really trying to change the way that I think about it and to not feel like I should be embarrassed that I'm still a virgin. I know sex isn't a big deal to some people, but my first time isn't something that I can get back and I just want it to be something more than just "time to get it over with"

Anyway, it's nice to know that there are other people that know how I feel.