Ok, why am I writing this?


To give you an honest, and true answer from a teenage perspective. (I'm sixteen years old)


All of you, probably don't know my story. But, in hopes of trying to prevent horror, pain, and misery to occur in your life, like it did mine (which, I'm still working on to get over) I'm going to tell you all my story.

When I was 14 years old, I met my (ex) girlfriend who was 13 at the time. We were in a serious relationship for about two years. Before engaging in sexual intercourse, we began with experimentation, I.E. oral, phone, fingering, hand job, etc. After, we got comfortable with what we were doing for about a year, we decided, "CONTRARY, TO POPULAR BELIEF, WE'RE MATURE ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX. WRONG WRONG WRONG... We had NO CLUE, what we were doing. Didn't understand the possible ramifications of our actions, and therefor, payed a hefty price.

Yes, we used protection, both a condom and birth control.

Did it prevent her from getting pregnant? NO.

We PANICKED, we had no CLUE what to do.
Till this day, I have not forgiven myself for what we've done.
Aborting a baby because of something we SHOULDN'T have been doing in the first place, has scarred me for life.

I know what you're thinking to yourself.. "It can't and won't happen to me"
Oh, trust me, YES IT CAN.
Wake up from the little fantasy land you live in, because you are not immune to danger.

Not only should you not be having sex because of possible pregnancy, it WILL RUIN your relationship. After we started becoming sexually active, that's all we started doing. There was no more adventure, fun, and charisma in the relationship. It all became about SEX.

Through the same old routine and ruckus, came problems.
Arguments over the smallest things. We both became miserable, because, we were no longer having fun.

Fast forward a couple months later, and we're no longer together.

Do I miss her? Of course. Will I move on? Eventually, but you know what? It's going to be 10x harder then it would normally be, because of all the sexual emotional turmoil that shouldn't have taken place at our age in the first place.

When grown ups tell you not to have sex, it's for a reason.

I believe this not only applies to teens... but people in their 20s and stuff to... because they may not know or may not be ready for what they are getting into

It does in a way make the relationship change, because you know you can have sex instead of doing other fun stuff... so that's not the best thing... Its best to wait till you are married...

I disagree although some people are not mature enough to do that, I believe I myself made the right decicion when I decided to do it. Waiting until your married?
No come on honestly teens here about this stuff ALL THE TIME in class, at home on the t.v, not to mention the filth on the internet, it's only logical that we get curious. Teens these days are laid back about it, sex is no biggy to a lot of us and standerds are BARELY alive. I have self respect and plenty of it and if someone wants to be confident and have sex I applaud them AS LONG AS THEY USE PROTECTION.

Sex doesn't really ruin a releshionship all the time but sometimes it does. 5O/50 shot at any of these possible outcomes (pregnancy etc... ) My releshionship has never been better and the female has the power to say no so if you don't want to don't do it or you'll regrete it and if you want to just really consider the outcomes and keep in mind it's not the greatest thing on earth too.

Sex is a big "biggy" things can happen and nowadays diaeses are on the raise by teens. Sex = babies and there are so many teens getting pregnant that it's only making the abortions clinics richer because this is where they turn too.

I think a lot of teens are miseducated about sex and most can't even talk to their parents about it. Last summer I was at my fiancé brother's house when his niece boyfriend made a statement that you can't get pregnant if you pull off at the right time and we all know that is wrong.

411, I am sorry about what happen to you and I never knew you was 16 but you are so beyond your years. Your right sex sometimes complicated things and it can lead to things that you shouldn't have to deal with.

I hope this thread helps someone, even if it reaches out to one person, and hope others add their stories and regret, if any. Stay strong and learn from everything.

To the OP, I completely agree. I am a 15 year old girl and I know I'm not going to have sex until I truly love some one and they love me, can take care of a baby, mature enough, old enough and HIV negative.

411... Thank you so much for telling your story. It was quite powerful. Thus, I have made it a sticky at the top of this board.

I realize that some may disagree with you, but they are the ones with their heads in the clouds and their feet are not quite firmly planted on the ground.


Waiting until your married?


Rainbow, no one ever said anything about waiting until you are married. In this day and age, that is an unrealistic goal for many people. While it is an admirable goal, it's just unrealistic.

Sorry to those who disagree, but, If I'm able to prevent at least one person from experiencing the pain I did, then It's justified.

Thank you all.

Wow, that's all I can say. Wow!

Wonderful insight, wonderful post and truly wonderful that you shared it with all of us.

If just one teen reads this and thinks, no, I should wait, well, then it's worth it.

Bravo 411Help. You did learn the hard way, but at least you learned. That's what we as adults are trying to say. Learn from our mistakes, you really don't have to go out and pay the price, just listen, because we've been there, done that.

Really great post, I can't say that enough. This deserves to be a sticky. :)

Thanks for posting this... I'm with this guy.. whom I might even love... and I'm only 16 and even though people may say that it isn't love but we've been together for a year now and we've known each other since we were kids and have gone through so much just to go out... and he's been asking me about having sex... and he totally respects my answer (no) but recently I was thinking that it would be appropriate for our one year anniversary but thank you for this... and I know that I won't have sex until I know that I'm ready to handle the outcomes...

That's very good Secelini.

Here's the guide lines.

Only have sex if you are emotionally, physically, and financially ready to have a child.

Thank you Altenweg.

I agree and disagree:) it can go both ways, I don't believe in birth control it messes with the girls system, but if the relationship is to be believed strong enough go for it... if it lasts its true love get married be happy if not then obviuosly it was the wrong decision

You live in a fantasy world my friend.

Sorry to break it to you, but there's no such thing as "meant to be" or "true love". You work for love, through communication, understanding, and patience. Amongst other things.

There are MANY ways you can ruin your chances with "true love"

I don't care how strong you think your relationship is, but if you are not emotionally, physically, and financially ready to have a child you should not be having sex, no matter your age.

i agree and disagree:) it can go both ways, i dont believe in birth control it messes with the girls system, but if the relationship is to be believed strong enough go for it... if it lasts its true love get married be happy if not then obviuosly it was the wrong decision


Birth control is far better than a teen pregnancy. Teens aren't physically ready to have a child, that messes with their systems a lot more than birth control.

Saying "go for it" is very dangerous advice. Really, what do you hope to gain by having sex at a young age? Yes, sex is fun, yes, it can feel wonderful, but the consequences for a few minutes of pleasure are far to great. Pregnancy isn't the only thing to worry about, STD's can kill, and yes, it can happen to you!

I'm not saying that you have to wait until marriage, in today's world, with many people waiting until their late 20's or 30's to get married, that's not realistic, but, waiting until you're ready to support a child financially and physically, well, that's a must as far as I'm concerned.

Sleeping around hoping to find "true love" isn't the answer.

You live in a fantasy world my friend.

Sorry to break it to you, but there's no such thing as "meant to be" or "true love". You work for love, through communication, understanding, and patience. Amongst other things.

There are MANY ways you can ruin your chances with "true love"

I don't care how strong you think your relationship is, but if you are not emotionally, physically, and financially ready to have a child you should not be having sex, no matter your age.

Probably the best piece of advice I've seen on this site in a while. I never agreed with the whole "NO sex before marriage" thing, but waiting until you are physically, emotionally, and financially ready makes all the sense in the world.

I wonder if the administration would let me post this on the walls of my high school? Ha ha, this really is valuable advice, and thanks for sharing.

How the hell did you get pregnant off both a condom and birth control. If the condom broke you would have heard and the pill is like 99.9% protective.

how the hell did you get pregnant off both a condom and birth control. if the condom broke you would have heard and the pill is like 99.9% protective.

That's a very common mistake. I know people who used three different forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Just because you're on the pill and use a condom doesn't mean you're safe, you're just safer. No form of birth control, even if you double up, is 100% effective.

Bottom line, if you're having sex there's always the possibility of pregnancy.

That's a very common mistake. I know people who used three different forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Just because you're on the pill and use a condom doesn't mean you're safe, you're just safer. No form of birth control, even if you double up, is 100% effective.

Bottom line, if you're having sex there's always the possibility of pregnancy.

its like a one in a zillion chance. And if your careful check the condom and are in time with your pill then it's a fraction of being impossible to fall pregnant. We can't spend our whole lives not doing anything in case something happens. Like oh don't go outside you might get hit by a meteor. Which has about the same probability as falling pregnant when your on the pill, or something AND use a condom. Just be careful, and as for sti;s you shouldn't be having sex with someone if your not sure if they are infected or not.

What happens when that one in a zillion chance happens to you? Then what?

Kids these days, have no sense of reality.

What happens when that one in a zillion chance happens to you? Then what?

Kids these days, have no sense of reality.

I am not a kid, I know very well the sense of reality.for example I had why best friend fall pregnant and get an abortion, and now I'm there with there helping her get through it. How much more real can you get? But I'm not going to preach about how I think nooone should ever have sex because something bad might happen. If your going to live ue life not doing anything in case something bad happens, then I feel sorry for you

But hey, if you chose to live like that than that's up to you, I'm just saying that I disagree with what you and the question poster say.

I do not believe that to be true. Sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. If you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. Sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

I do not believe that to be true. sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. if you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

I agree totally! Sex is a way of showing someone that you trust and love them, shaw u don't have to have sex to show that, but its somehing two people can share with a lot of meaning. You said that really well.

I do not believe that to be true. sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. if you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.


Love is definitely a way to express your love for somebody. The only way? No. A smart way for a teenager to show love? No. Sure, the only outcome of sex isn't pregnancy. Did I fail to mention herpes? Chlamydia? HIV?

Sure, there is the possibility that your could get a STD, STI, but iif you are careful, and make sure that you are clean, then what is the harm in that? Teens these days are becoming a lot more responcible.
No, sex is not the olny show love, and sure maby its not the best way, but it is still very immportant, not to the fact that everybody should do it, but that the people who feel redy can. Sex should not just be aboout having a child, it is a way of showing compassion, love, caring, if you are doing it with the rite intentions, it can be a very emotional action. It's a bond that olny the 2 closest people can feel. If you think me to be wrong, please say.

Sure, there is the possibilty that your could get a STD, STI, but iif you are careful, and make sure that you are clean, then what is the harm in that? teens these days are becoming alot more responcible.
no, sex is not the olny show love, and sure maby its not the best way, but it is still very immportant, not to the fact that everybody should do it, but that the people who feel redy can. sex should not just be aboout having a child, it is a way of showing compassion, love, caring, if you are doing it with the rite intentions, it can be a very emotional action. its a bond that olny the 2 closest people can feel. if you think me to be wrong, please say.

Yes, sex is not only about having a child. BUT, IT'S A BIG PART OF IT. To be having sex you need to make sure that if you do end up pregnant that you are physically, emotionally, and financially able to support a child.

Yes, sex is not only about having a child. BUT, IT'S A BIG PART OF IT. To be having sex you need to make sure that if you do end up pregnant that you are physically, emotionally, and financially able to support a child.

Ah far out! Its sex. Yeah it can lead to other bad stuff only if your not carful ENOUGH. 411 you obv made some mistake to get her pregnant, but that's you! That happened to you and its something that you have to deal with. Just because one mistake you made messed with your head doesn't mean that it WILL happen to everyone and that EVERYONE will get a sti or preganant if you have sex. You are the 1 peron out of a zillion million people who will get someone pregnant even though you used proper protection. Yeah it can happen, But I can walk out my door and get shot or hit by a bus but that doiesnt mean ill never go outside and enjoy the sunshine!

Ok, I'm going to rob a bank, I might get caught and get arrested, but, hell, that won't stop me.

ah far out! its sex. yeah it can lead to other bad stuff only if ur not carful ENOUGH. 411 you obv made some mistake to get her preggers, but thats you! that happened to you and its something that you have to deal with. just becuase one mistake you made messed with ur head doesnt mean that it WILL happen to everyone and that EVERYONE will get a sti or preganant if u have sex. u are the 1 peron out of a zillion million people who will get someone pregnant even though u used proper protection. yeah it can happen,. but i can walk out my door and get shot or hit by a bus but that doiesnt mean ill never go outside and enjoy the sunshine!
, I completaly agree, and think this person I'm completely rite!
This matter should be left alone, it is a persional opinion, and people should not try 2 force there thoughts on to others.
CASE CLOSED!!

How is this not relevant? It's something that I'm doing that I'm not suppose to do without fearing the possible ramifications, it's completely relevant.

, I completaly agree, and think this person im completely rite!!
this matter should be left alone, it is a persional opinion, and people should not try 2 force there thoughts on to others.
CASE CLOSED!!!

I don't think anyone is trying to force anything on anyone else. You are the only ones getting so upset about it, for some reason.

All the OP is doing is offering advice, because he cares about others and doesn't want the same bad things to happen to them. So, show a little respect?

I don't think anyone is trying to force anything on anyone else. You are the only ones getting so upset about it, for some reason.

All the OP is doing is offering advice, because he cares about others and doesn't want the same bad things to happen to them. So, show a little respect?

Thank you so much.

, I completaly agree, and think this person im completely rite!!
this matter should be left alone, it is a persional opinion, and people should not try 2 force there thoughts on to others.
CASE CLOSED!!!

You don't have to listen to the advice, you don't have to aby by anything that's been said. If you want to learn this lesson the hard way, well, there's very little we can do to stop you.

This is information, accurate information, you either read it, learn, and move on, or you read it, don't learn and come back when something goes wrong, crying "why me?".

The case is not closed, no one is forcing anything on anyone. This is a very informative thread, and if it gets through to just one teen, well, then it's served it's purpose. I realize that teens think they know everything, but the majority don't know anything about what the real world is all about. 411help has lived through this, as have many other people on this site. He's sharing an experience that may just prevent someone else from having to go through the same thing. So, show some respect!

I applaud this young man (411help) for sharing a very painful part of his life with us, that wasn't easy I'm sure.

Ok, I'm going to rob a bank, I might get caught and get arrested, but, hell, that wont stop me.

But gee lets see. The chances of getting caught robbing a bank is a hell of a lot higher than the chances of getting someone pregnant if your careful and use protection and do everything right. Yeah you pair had an accident, but don't try too "help" others by forcing your veiws on others. Yeah you had a rough trot, but that was your life, your mistake and your problem. The chances of that happening is so slim so why live in fear for ever?

I'm not forcing my views on anybody. Also, I would love to see where you are getting your statistics. I'm not wasting anymore time on your insolent behavior.

But gee lets see. the chances of getting caught robbing a bank is a hell of a lot higher than the chances of getting somone pregnant if ur careful and use protection and do everyting right. yeah u pair had an accident, but dont try too "help" others by forcing ur veiws on others. yeah u had a rough trot, but that was ur life, ur mistake and ur problem. the chances of that happening is so slim so why live in fear for ever?

Obviously you're just here to make trouble. NO ONE is forcing anything on you. You came here, you read this and commented - all of your own free will. So if you're going to say anything, at least have it be somewhat reasonable and intelligent, because you're only making yourself look foolish.

Obviously you're just here to make trouble. NO ONE is forcing anything on you. You came here, you read this and commented - all of your own free will. So if you're going to say anything, at least have it be somewhat reasonable and intelligent, because you're only making yourself look foolish.

Lol you mob overreact so bad its really funny. I don't agree with you and I explain what you say and prove you wrong and you don't like it so you say I'm not-intelligent. Funny as! Catchas

I have a simple solution for this. Unsubscribe to the thread.

But gee lets see. the chances of getting caught robbing a bank is a hell of a lot higher than the chances of getting somone pregnant if ur careful and use protection and do everyting right. yeah u pair had an accident, but dont try too "help" others by forcing ur veiws on others. yeah u had a rough trot, but that was ur life, ur mistake and ur problem. the chances of that happening is so slim so why live in fear for ever?

Secret, chat speak is not allowed on this site, please use complete words and write in the best english you are capable of. Many of us don't bother reading posts with chat speak, it's time consuming and annoying. Thank you.

As for your post. Even if you're careful and use protection and "do everything right" there is still the chance of pregnancy. Yes, the chance is lower with protection, but not nonexistent like you seem to think. The chances aren't as slim as you seem to think, stick around, go to the teen forum, you'll see.

I think you should unsubscribe from this thread, it's here to help people, not for an argument. If you want to discuss this topic further than feel free to start your own thread, I'm sure you'll get a lot of people coming to tell you what they think and feel.

If you continue to come her to argue I will have to report you.

Thank you.

Secret, chat speak is not allowed on this site, please use complete words and write in the best english you are capable of. Many of us don't bother reading posts with chat speak, it's time consuming and annoying. Thank you.

As for your post. Even if you're careful and use protection and "do everything right" there is still the chance of pregnancy. Yes, the chance is lower with protection, but not nonexistent like you seem to think. The chances aren't as slim as you seem to think, stick around, go to the teen forum, you'll see.

I think you should unsubscribe from this thread, it's here to help people, not for an arguement. If you want to discuss this topic further than feel free to start your own thread, I'm sure you'll get alot of people coming to tell you what they think and feel.

If you continue to come her to argue I will have to report you.

Thank you.


I'm not arguing, I'm stating my opinion. That's the idea of the thread? If youdont like it, then skip my posts and don't read it. And I idnt say its non-existant, its just not like if evryone has sex they will get pregnant, as you guys seem to think

im not arguing, im stating my opinion. thats the idea of the thread? if youdont like it, then skip my posts and dont read it. and i idnt say its non-existant, its just not like if evryone has sex they will get pregnant, as you guys seem to think

You are not stating your opinion, you are stating incorrect information, information that can be harmful to others.

If you want to live you life with you head the sand, fine, I won't stop you, but stop trying to get others to join you in your ignorance.

You said that there is only a chance in a zillion, I can quote you, so don't deny it. That's not true.

Simply put, this is not the place to fight. This thread is about giving teens correct information, not for stating unfounded opinions.

If you have something valid to contribute then we're all ears, if not, then please refrain from posting.

This may offend some, but I am dubious about this story. The OP previously identified self as married (in September 2008).


The "clingyness" I've experienced is that I've had trouble gaping the space in between me and my spouse.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-causes-someone-clingy-260891.html

It seems that the spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend was clingy then, but then became distant in a later version of the story.

And 411Help also posted a long diatribe against an ex, which makes no mention of the pregnancy and abortion that have scarred him for life.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/good-bye-letter-296728.html

This all just seems odd to me.

The reason I looked at past posts was the story had the aura of an adult telling a story intended to be morally instructive, which it certainly is.

You are not stating your opinion, you are stating incorrect information, information that can be harmful to others.

If you want to live you life with you head the sand, fine, I won't stop you, but stop trying to get others to join you in your ignorance.

You said that there is only a chance in a zillion, I can quote you, so don't deny it. That's not true.

Simply put, this is not the place to fight. This thread is about giving teens correct information, not for stating unfounded opinions.

If you have something valid to contribute then we're all ears, if not, then please refrain from posting.

And given, the 'correct'information is that in 411's case, there was a accident. But that doesn't mean that it will happen to everyone as you seem to think. Given it did in this case, and I am also adding info by saying that yes, mistakes do happen, but they are VERY unlikely if you are safe and resposible.

and given, the 'correct'information is that in 411's case, there was a accident. but that doesnt mean that it will happen to everyone as you seem to think. given it did in this case, and i am also adding info by saying that yes, mistakes do happen, but they are VERY unlikely if you are safe and resposible.

I never said it would happen to everyone, but the chance is always there, no matter how safe and responsible you are.

Think of it this way. If someone handed you a six shooter with one bullet in it and said, you only have a 1 in 6 chance of getting shot, would you put it to your head and pull the trigger? Are those odds good enough for you?

Every time you have sex, even with protection, there is a chance of pregnancy, there's a chance of getting shot. If you want to take that risk that's your business, but, don't tell other people that it's safe, because it really isn't.

I guarantee that if you pole 10 sexually active teens that are all using protection, at least one of them will end up pregnant. Contraception fails, people forget to use it or don't use it correctly, and even if they do use it correctly it's not 100% effective. The chance is always there, always. So, if you're having sex then you should be prepared to have a child, because it could happen.

Well I'm also sixteen. I had sex about 12 times with my ex-girlfriend back when I was 15.. like in April last year.

What a stupid childish moron I was. She never got pregnant thankfully, but she was a b*tch. And looking back on our relationship makes me regret I lost my virginity to that manipulative... thing.


I wish I hadn't had sex with her.. but at least I learned a valuable lesson from being treated like crap by a hot girl = Looks CAN be deceiving.


Having pre-mature sex is so not worth it...

But kids my age.. haha you can't tell 'em anything. We think we know it all, don't we.

XM8, we knew it all when we were teens too, and then we got older and realized we didn't know anything.

It wasn't that long ago that I was a teen, doing what I wanted to do, unconcerned about the risks because those kinds of things only happen to other people. I got lucky, I dodged a lot of bullets, some of my friends weren't so lucky.

Now I'm an adult, with kids of my own, and I still don't know everything, the big difference is that I know that I still have a lot to learn.

Being a teen is hard, why make it harder by doing adult things that you know you won't be able to handle. Sex is a big responsibility, because once a baby comes along, you no longer have the luxury of making mistakes and being a kid.

So, if we as adults can get through to just one teen, well, that's pretty darn good. Some kids are just intent on learning things the hard way, I wish it wasn't so, but wishes don't come true.

Altenweg (that means old way right?)

You're so right.. I'm lucky I'm still a teen, and have already dodged bullets myself.

It's a petty I can't find much people on the same level as me. They all think sex is so.. fun, and drugs are cool, etc.

Sure sex is fun, but when you're a teen it's just wrong... Everything has it's proper moment.

Ah, a german among us. Yes, Altenweg means old way or old path.

Yes, sex is fun, but, when you're ready for it, financially and physically prepared to accept the possible outcome (a baby) then it's so much better. When you're constantly worried about what could happen, well, that takes the fun out of it.

What truly amazes me is the amount of teens that are actually trying to get pregnant. It's not easy being a parent, even if the father is around to physically help. It's expensive, exhausting, frustrating and all consuming. Being a parent is a 24/7 job, no coffee breaks, no lunch breaks, no sick days, it's always and forever. Why do so many teens want to throw away their childhoods to be parents? What's the rush? I won't ever understand that.

Yes, I dodged a lot of bullets, thank God. I never wanted to be a teen mom, that was unthinkable, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it, heck, there are days when I'm amazed that I handle it now. ;)

Maybe we should start a program for all teens. One where they are required to take care of a real baby for a week, all by themselves. I'm sure other teen moms would volunteer their baby's for this program, and I guarantee, after one week with a baby, most of those teens wouldn't want a child until they're older.

Full responsibility for a baby is the best birth control we can probably give teens today.


Sure sex is fun, but when you're a teen it's just wrong... Everything has it's proper moment.

So very true. Heck, I'm not even saying to wait until marriage, just wait until you're old enough to deal with the consequences.

Hehe I'm english believe it or not - I've been living in austria for the past 10 years that's all =)

I'm no parent but I can imagine that being an adult mother is en exhausting job - never mind trying to raise a child being a teen.

The whole concept is ridiculous.. how can an unraised child want to have children, that themselves wouldn't be properly raised?

It seems that this world is really coming to it's end. So many outrageous things are going on it's just unheard of compared to past centuries.

Your idea of a birth control program to give teens full responsibility of a baby for a week just seems like such a good idea - but knowing governments, they wouldn't lift a finger to even bother starting such a program.

I'm personally against the idea of abortion - but I prefer to avoid even debating that subject by just saying that pre-mature sex is wrong. In austria one can have sex at 14, and get an abortion without their parents knowledge. That seems pretty crazy if you ask me...

I sometimes wonder if my ex-girlfriend even got pregnant at all. Knowing her she could have done a variety of things.. probably kept the baby, or having aborted without telling anyone...

I don't know it just seems unlikely anyway. Even after a crappy relationship (which was mainly her fault) if she had gotten pregnant, I doubt she would have stooped so low to sue me for it.


I'm not even saying to wait until marriage, just wait until you're old enough to deal with the consequences.


I'll go along with that any day :-)

-Xm8

I'm 18 and when I lost my virginity I had my head in the clouds I thought I was in love and that everyone was wrong. I should have listened to my older sister she said its not all that, she she was correct. I'm sorry to 411 for what you had to go through. I didn't even go through that and I was put off. Sex is not what its all been made out to be, I was 16 and I thought I was ready I thought I was mature enough and people who were saying otherwise were wrong. But they were right. I am now in a relationship and I think back to when I was younger and I really no I wasn't in love, I'm not saying you can't be. But you will always have strong feelings for a boyfriend and think your ready but doesn't actually mean you are. I wish I waited but I thought different.
If I could go back to when I was 16 I would have waited. X

Wow that's funny man I'm talking to this girl on the phne who I want to have sex with right now

Well you'll look pretty darn stupid if you actually have sex with her after reading this thread. That's assuming that you're not exactly prepared to have a baby.

I am ready to have a kid with her I love her more then anyone ever

i am ready to have a kid with her i love her more then anyone ever

Well, love is all you need (sarcasm) that and around $1000-$1500 a month for expenses, a roof over your head, a car, insurance, food, the fact that the girl is probably young and young people don't do too well with pregnancy, their bodies aren't ready.

Are you ready to spend every night at home, stop being a kid because you'll have one? Drop out of school, get the best job you can so you can support her and the kid?

If so, go for it, who cares right? :rolleyes:

Thank-you for sharing your experience with us 411. I think coming from another teen will mean more to many teens.

Clearly,you are very mature and I am sure this experience has forced you to grow up faster than you would have liked.
Maybe your difficult experience can spare someone else!
If they listen!

Yes I am I love her that much

Bemus, how old are you? Love doesn't conquer all, trust me. A baby can rip the love you have apart so fast your head will spin.

Why are you so eager to have sex? Are you planning on using any protection? Are you planning anything at all or just flying by the seat of your pants and libido?

If you read this thread and got nothing out of it, then you're either not listening, not reading, or not that bright.

I'm not bright I'm 14 and I'm going to use protection

14 and you think you're in love. I hate to be mean, and it's possible (not probable) that you two will be together forever, but stats say no. Love at 14 rarely lasts, so be careful before you saddle yourself down with a child that you will be repsonsible for forever!

If I had a dime for every boy I was in love with from 14-17 I'd be a very rich woman.

Just don't do something you will regret, talk to your parents about it, or another adult. Don't rush into things, you're still so young.

Um OK

Lol 14 ? That's not "love". Trust me, I'm 16, I was also 14 two years ago, you think I can't tell the difference?

Forget it dude, it's the stupidest thing ever. You will look like a giant pen!s when you think back to what we said in a few months or a year.

Sometimes people have to learn things for themselves. It's just like when you tell a child not to touch the fire because you'll get burn. You can tell them that over and over but eventually they touch it anyway and then they see what you mean and won't touch it again because they remember what it felt like when they touched it.

I know at 14 and throughout my teenage years I thought knew what love was, regardless of what the older crowd told me, until I grew up and smelled the coffee.

I can't believe kids these days wanting to have kids! I'm still a teen (19) and have a five month old baby... I have been with my fiancé since freshman year (15) I do still love him and the whole time we were together not the first argument did we ever have but once a baby came into our lives along with financial problems... we had our share of arguments and still sometimes do.
What I'm trying to say is that you feel like you are in love with this person why not wait for sex. If you truly love someone why do you have to have sex to show them that? Love is a part of sex but its not everything, as a teen mom I know how it feels to stay at home and take care of the baby while he works when I could be out with friends or just be out having a good time. And another thing, all those friends you have, see how many stay around when you have a kid and they still want to go out and have fun.
Kids are the greatest gift in the world but kids shouldn't be having kids. Have fun, live life, and if you do decide to have sex after reading all of these posts, then that's you... good luck

I agree that ur exprience sucked and i feel bad for you no one should of had to go through that
I'm 16 aswell and i have never had sex becoz i know i'm not ready but i dont agree with people living in fear of sex yes their is a bad side to it you can get sexually trnsmitted dieases and you can get pregnant
but if you use protection and have a knowledge of what your doing then it can be the most natural thing in the world
BUT you would only do it when your ready not when your married becoz come on thats not realistic not when you feel like you will be a good parent or when your parents wont kill you for it
just do it when YOUR ready dont listen to what other people say to ya xx:o

Diehardrocks92, please don't post in purple, although it's a really pretty color, it makes your post really hard to read.

Thank you.

Great topic!
I myself will wait until I am married. (or at least try) I also know it is unrealistic to expect the same out of everyone, so I have no problem with others who do engage in sexual activity, though I do tell them my opinion on the matter.
I have seen this Same thing happen to my older brother, so I know it can happen.
The simple fact is: No one is as "mature enough" as they think the first time they do anything, they are inexperienced, and therefore tend to make mistakes.
I am truly sorry for your personal problems, and applaud you for trying to help others.

When I lost my virginity I thought it was awesome at the time than a week later I started wishing I hadn't she didn't have any stds or anything she wasn't pregnant I just wish I waited for someone that really kent something to me when I was older so if your a teen like me and you are thinking about it don't you will regret it!

U Poor Soul... :(

Using Protection still got in trouble...

But here is a thought... Were you taking the pills..? I guess not.. She was...
Were you using the Condom... I guess you were... and then did not see it break...

So what do you get from this..?
This is what I see...

She is a Liar... she never took the pills... because she probably knew that there are side effects...
And your condom did not break... otherwise you would have known it...

She screwed someone else... without your knowing it... and this could have been intentional or forced... but it was most probably NOT you who knocked her up...

So stop torturing yourself... you are right in thinking on the NO SEX deal... it is special... and should be done at the right time... but kiddo... you were not responsible...

People lie... that's life...

919263

U Poor Soul...:(

Using Protection still got in trouble....

But here is a thought... Were you taking the pills...??? I guess not.. She was...
Were you using the Condom.... I guess you were ... and then did not see it break....

So what do you get from this....???
This is what I see....

She is a Liar... she never took the pills... coz she probably knew that there are side effects....
And your condom did not break.... otherwise you would have known it...

She screwed someone else... without your knowing it... and this could have been intentional or forced... but it was most probably NOT you who knocked her up....

So stop torturing yourself...you are right in thinking on the NO SEX deal... it is special... and should be done at the right time... but kiddo... you were not responsible...

People lie...that's life...

919263

Ah, another person that doesn't know that you can still get pregnant even if using every form of birth control on the market.

You do know that no form of birth control is 100% effective, right? If not, well, now you do.

In other words, if you have sex there's a possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't want a baby, don't have sex.

So you, he probably was the father.

Ah, another person that doesn't know that you can still get pregnant even if using every form of birth control on the market.

You do know that no form of birth control is 100% effective, right? If not, well, now you do.

In other words, if you have sex there's a possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't want a baby, don't have sex.

So ya, he probably was the father.

OK, I do not know how old you are, but I am 40 yrs old, and believe me, contraception works. DO not keep saying that it does not work... :mad:

Condoms are saving millions from AIDS... so DO NOT keep saying it does not work... :mad:
YES your advice is right about the sex thingy... but do not create a monster here... sex is a very beautiful thing, it makes 2 people cross the physical boundaries and merge...

Kiddos... Listen to everyone here... remember... everything you do has consequences. AND so does having sex... but if you really have to do it or think that it is the time for you... wait 1 week from the day you think you should have it... and if you still feel the same way... use protection... Condoms are the best... and contrary to what is being said here, just be careful...

919263

I'm 38.

I never once said that contraception shouldn't be used, yes, it should, it does lower the risks of pregnancy and STD's remarkably, but is it fool proof? No!

By telling kids that using protection guarantees no pregnancy, you are setting up false hope. The fact is, contraception isn't 100% effective. So, you are practicing safer sex, but not safe sex, there is not such thing.

Yes, sex is a wonderful thing, a way to bring two people closer together, and when you are old enough, financially secure enough, emotionally stable enough to have a child, then have sex. Until then, sex=babies, and even with protection it can still happen.

So, what are you going to say when someone comes back on here, says "919263, I used a condom and I got pregnant, you said it couldn't happen, what now?" then what will you advise?

There are member on this site that have gotten pregnant using 3 different forms of birth control. A friend of mine got pregnant while on the pill, using a condom and she only has one ovary. Explain that!

i am not a kid, i know very well the sense of reality.for example i had y best freind fall pregant and get an abortion, and now im there with there helping her get through it. how much more real can u get? but im not going to preach about how i think nooone should ever have sex because something bad might happen. if ur going to live ue life not doing anything in case something bad happens, then i feel sorry for you


She "fell" pregnant?

Wow u brought tears to my eyes just reading that thanks 4 sharing your story I think u touch allot of young teens harts

Bravo, bravo, I feel for you brother. God will bring you through

WOW, what insight you have for a guy your age. Makes me have hope. I'm sorry you (and she) went through this pain. You are a smart guy that learns from mistakes and I see a bright future for you. When the time is right, some girl will be very lucky to get you. I bet your parents are proud of you too. In the long run, you learned a huge lesson and that self reflection doesn't happen for everybody. I wish you the best in your future.

I do not believe that to be true. sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. if you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

I don't think you were paying attention to the op. Getting pregnant was not the ONLY outcome. The emotional side of getting in over your head before you are ready can be painful. They lost the ability to just have fun with each other doing other things because the sex became an overwhelming obsession. They were not at a place in their lives or maturity where they could maintain a healthy balance. For the op to realize this speaks volumes for his character I believe. He isn't just "playing around" with some girl's affections.

U Poor Soul...:(

Using Protection still got in trouble....

But here is a thought... Were you taking the pills...??? I guess not.. She was...
Were you using the Condom.... I guess you were ... and then did not see it break....

So what do you get from this....???
This is what I see....

She is a Liar... she never took the pills... coz she probably knew that there are side effects....
And your condom did not break.... otherwise you would have known it...

She screwed someone else... without your knowing it... and this could have been intentional or forced... but it was most probably NOT you who knocked her up....

So stop torturing yourself...you are right in thinking on the NO SEX deal... it is special... and should be done at the right time... but kiddo... you were not responsible...

People lie...that's life...

919263

Darn it, I meant to hit DISAGREE. Some one balance that for me if you feel the same way.

Darn it, I meant to hit DISAGREE. Some one balance that for me if you feel the same way.


Would love to - but I responded with a disagree on the same post.

Darn it, I meant to hit DISAGREE. Some one balance that for me if you feel the same way.

Done. :)

BC must be taken every day at the same time to most effective and Condoms when used properly are 99% effective. It is very highly unlikely although not impossible to get pregnant while using both of these in combo. I would definitely get a paternity test because not everyone lies but not everyone tells the truth either! It would just be smart and practical.

BC must be taken every day at the same time to most effective and Condoms when used properly are 99% effective. It is very highly unlikely although not impossible to get pregnant while using both of these in combo. I would definately get a paternity test because not everyone lies but not everyone tells the truth either! It would just be smart and practical.



OP said girlfriend had an abortion, did not deliver the child.

And, yes, legally - DNA answers the questions pretty much before they are asked.

I would love to adopt the baby, it can be an open adoption. please let her know if she needs any help

Which baby are you adopting? I'm a bit confused. The OP's girlfriend had an abortion.

As for you pets expert, you can be as confused as you need to be it is non of your business! Oh and educated you jkt, I am a home for pregnant. Mom's that provides all that they need,(oh, with grants from the state) I can find them adoptive parents if through all of our test's and counseling that is what is decided. Anything that needs to be said to help these people. Now your wondering about what, why you should really get happy with your own life. Get your own life hun!!

as for you pets expert, you can be as confused as you need to be it is non of your business!! oh and educated you jkt, I am a home for preg. mom's that provides all that they need,(oh, with grants from the state) I can find them adoptive parents if thru all of our test's and counseling that is what is decided. Anything that needs to be said to help these people. now your wondering about what, why you should really get happy with your own life. Get your own life hun!!!!!!

It is my business because this is a public forum.

You came here and stated your were interested in adopting a baby that isn't available for adoption.

This thread is a sticky, meant to help teens thinking about having sex. It's not for you to find a baby.

You're going around the boards giving inaccurate advice on pregnancy and asking to adopt a baby, that's not what AMHD is for.

This is a question and answer site, not an adoption site.

Read the rules!

as for you pets expert, you can be as confused as you need to be it is non of your business!! oh and educated you jkt, I am a home for preg. mom's that provides all that they need,(oh, with grants from the state) I can find them adoptive parents if thru all of our test's and counseling that is what is decided. Anything that needs to be said to help these people. now your wondering about what, why you should really get happy with your own life. Get your own life hun!!!!!!

What are you talking about and what is your purpose for joining this site?

No need to be nasty hun.

as for you pets expert, you can be as confused as you need to be it is non of your business!! oh and educated you jkt, I am a home for preg. mom's that provides all that they need,(oh, with grants from the state) I can find them adoptive parents if thru all of our test's and counseling that is what is decided. Anything that needs to be said to help these people. now your wondering about what, why you should really get happy with your own life. Get your own life hun!!!!!!


Is English your first language? "oh and educated you jkt, I am a home for preg mom's ..." makes no sense.

As far as pet experts - many of the experts here are experts in more than one field, not that it matters because WE'VE all read the rule, something which apparently you have not done.

You might try reading them - you just might learn something. Ask Me Help Desk - FAQ (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php)

In the meantime I expect to be waving good-bye to you very soon.

Thank you all of you "experts" I have found just what I was looking for 4 crisis pregnancies that I can hopefully save and help the woman make the right choice. Thanks for all of your negative imput. Those that try to be positive and really help people through their true expertise will always prevail and help the world to be a better place. Work on getting happy with your lives sweeties. God Bless you, you will be in my prayers for more positive helpful hearts!!

Thank you all of you "experts" I have found just what I was looking for 4 crisis pregnancies that I can hopefully save and help the woman make the right choice. thanks for all of your negative imput. Those that try to be positive and really help people through their true expertise will always prevail and help the world to be a better place. Work on getting happy with your lives sweeties. God Bless you, you will be in my prayers for more positive helpful hearts!!!!!!

What?

You never mentioned any of the above before.

You came here and asked to adopt a baby, a baby that didn't even exist. When we asked what you were doing you got defensive and rude.

I suggest that you find another place to play, this site is for people looking for answers, not for people looking to adopt.

I wish you all the best in your future.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Good bye.

What?

You never mentioned any of the above before.

You came here and asked to adopt a baby, a baby that didn't even exist. When we asked what you were doing you got defensive and rude.

I suggest that you find another place to play, this site is for people looking for answers, not for people looking to adopt.

I wish you all the best in your future.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Good bye.



She has posted the same thing that got pulled twice yesterday - what does it take to get suspended? Can she be this dense? Never mind. That's not an actual question.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/wanting-know-wat-best-thing-me-do-360240.html?=#post1773209

Thank you all of you "experts" I have found just what I was looking for 4 crisis pregnancies that I can hopefully save and help the woman make the right choice. thanks for all of your negative imput. Those that try to be positive and really help people through their true expertise will always prevail and help the world to be a better place. Work on getting happy with your lives sweeties. God Bless you, you will be in my prayers for more positive helpful hearts!!!!!!



Again, don't call me hon or sweetie. I am neither to you.

I note you have posted the same thing that got you posted yesterday.

I thought soliciting for babies was illegal - ?

Again, don't call me hon or sweetie. I am neither to you.

I note you have posted the exact same thing that got you posted yesterday.

I thought soliciting for babies was illegal - ?

Where is she posting this Judy? Babies wanted section?:confused:

It is my business because this is a public forum.

You came here and stated your were interested in adopting a baby that isn't available for adoption.

This thread is a sticky, meant to help teens thinking about having sex. It's not for you to find a baby.

You're going around the boards giving inaccurate advice on pregnancy and asking to adopt a baby, that's not what AMHD is for.

This is a question and answer site, not an adoption site.

Read the rules!

Damn right! U go Alty!! This is discussion only!!

I think its sososososo true when you say you should wait, i mean, I go round school and all I hear is, blah blah had sex with blah blah and you think, your going to freakin' regret that aren't you?

i think its sososososo true when you say you should wait, i mean, i go round school and all i hear is, blah blah had sex with blah blah and you think, your gonna freakin' regret that arent you?

Bottom line is?? Teens, don't have sex!! Period! Leave it alone until you are in you mid 20's
And for the teen girls that think birth control is going to save you, think again!! For the teen boys, condoms are not full proof!!

You may not agree with me, but I believe sex is wrong at such a young age. You should wait until your older. It won't get you to heaven by having sex when you are unmarried. After marriage... that's another thing. In fact, God said to after marriage, but not before

you may not agree with me, but i believe sex is wrong at such a young age. you should wait until your older. it wont get you to heaven by having sex when you are unmarried. after marriage... thats another thing. in fact, God said to after marriage, but not before

You have a right to your beliefs, but keep in mind that not everyone believes in God or heaven, or waiting until marriage for sex.

I would love for you to start a thread with the bible passage that says what you claim.

I have to agree with you but disagree with you.

You actually sound just like my religion teacher. Lol. But honestly everyone thinks nothing can happen to them. But it can! So I agree there. And I also have to agree that it can RUIN a relationship. My first real boyfriend was my first time. I had sex at a young age of 14 too. (im 16 now).. we had the same thing arguments over little things and all we did was have sex. It killed all the good things we used to do. Plus he was a total jerk anyway. But now learning that sex plays a big roll in a relationship with my current boyfriend (of just over 5 months) we haven't had sex, we have fooled around but nothing to major. We are having a much better time just being together and being silly. So sex can alter a relationship majorly.

I do have to disagree with the fact that you say just stay a virgin until your married- because as much as people say that 1. its not only a very hard thing to do because of all the other things saying otherwise such as media and just teens in high school but as a female being pure until your married would suck because of the double standard out there.

Has anyone noticed that a guy can sleep with multiple people and be patted on the back as females get called sluts and whores and told there nasty?
Being pure until marriage is a great thing but if your partner isn't pure it takes a lot away from the meaning. That's just how I see that.

I feel my choice was at the right time and I learned from it. Its up to you and you know when your ready. Just be smart and stay safe. But it can happen to you!

Your one of the lucky ones, imagine being the pregnant one at 13. Like I was. I'm not having a go, I sympathise you. You must be a cool guy to let something like that out in public. So I salute you.

I was always sure there was cases like that but never heard of them. You see the story you just told. That's what's keeps me a virgin. I'm glade you said that story, and I wish you the best.

I too am 16 and I completely understand you and agree.

It is actually refreshing to hear a guy with this perspective

has anyone noticed that a guy can sleep with multiple ppl and be patted on the back as females get called sluts and whores and told there nasty?
being pure until marriage is a great thing but if your partner isnt pure it takes alot away from the meaning. thats just how i see that.

This is kind of starting a whole new conversation. But there is a huge double standard. I am not saying its OK to have sex before marriage because I personally believe in waiting. But I'm not saying its wrong either. Im just saying the double standards are so so wrong. But the reason this standard exists is because girls will get pregnant, guys cant. They can just cut and run if they want.

Well, life is a b*tch and then you die, indeed.

411Help, You did a great job posting your story. I am most positive that this will make a huge impact on another teenager's life.

Sex is a huge deal and the only 100% guarantee way to not become pregnant is to abstain from having sex until you are ready and you are ready for a baby and all of it's baggage..

Great job again 411Help(:
You deserved the Sticky!