I belong to a muslim family and am worried about my virginity as I lost I before 4 years with my BF who than ditched me. Now I am getting married next year and don't know how to hide from my hubby that I am not virgin. I can't tell him as I can't afford to loose him:( . I don't know what to do on my first night. Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me out.

Are you getting married with a Muslim, or other religion?

First I would suggest being honest with the man that you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

If that is not an option you can always say that you were riding a horse or doing stretches and that broke the hymen. If he asks. He may not even notice.

Again, that is if you decide to be dishonest with you future husband.

What kind of answer do you expect to get here?

You are asking us how to help you continue the lie you have already told.

Sorry, honesty is the best policy.

If you need to lie to keep your boyfriend, then you don't deserve him.

He has every right to know the truth, and make his decisions based on reality.

Honesty is always best, but most likely he will not know the difference.

I agree with FrChuck. If your future husband is a virgin himself, he will not have a clue, will not realize that you are not a virgin. He will be too busy being worried about his own performance. If you compliment him and encourage him and tell him good things about how he looks and how he behaves, he will not be thinking about your virginity.

If I were you, I would keep secret the fact that you are not a virgin. No good will come of your telling him now or ever.

Chuck is right honesty is the best and like he says he will not know, but it will be good for you to start your life with honesty rather than you feel guilty inside, good luck and wish you all the best.

I hate to advise someone from a Muslim culture because it is so repressive of woman's sexuality and oppressive of women in general, so that's my caveat. :) A Muslim woman who got away with it is your best advisor on this question as a non-virgin girl is going to have a problem finding a decent husband, n'est pas?

You don't have to share any of your previous sexual experience with anyone... just lie. As far as anyone is concerned, you have never had sexual relations, and you **don't know** why there isn't any blood on the bedding! **That's all** All women can lose their hymen from experiences other than sex, and I bet some women are born without a decent hymen that breaks and bleeds.

After a couple of weeks, it is all ancient history. :)

Ya got to have courage in life, girl, there's no one to look out for your best interests but you.

I agree that honesty is the best policy--this is a secret you will have ot keep forever. And what happens if that other guy shows up and spills the beans someday?

Everything else I have to say is judgemental, so I'll keep my mouth shut. The past can't be changed.

If you absolutely are certain you want to hide this from him, then you're better off just saying nothing at all about it to him. No reason to lie, but there are so many ways for a hymen to break other than sex that it's not even funny.

Act clumsy and nervous (i.e. don't do anything, let him do all the work, plus, you'll be nervous anyway, albeit for other reasons). Some women don't bleed during their first time, so just leave it at that.

And no, you don't have to confess.

Being honest is all very nice and extremely 'politically correct' unless you're coming from a background that promotes honour killings of women and girls. Zero cultural insight.

Being honest is all very nice and extremely 'politically correct' unless you're coming from a background that promotes honour killings of women and girls. Zero cultural insight.

She said she came from a Muslim family, not lived in a Muslim country.

I have a hard time believing that honor killings happen in the US, the UK, Canada, France, or any other country in the West.

There are definitely plenty of Muslim families in other areas of the world than the Middle East.

I gave my advice based on the fact that she would not have had a "boyfriend who ditched her" in a Middle Eastern country--she wouldn't have been allowed to be alone with a man not a family member.

So please don't tell me I have no cultural insight--I read her ENTIRE question and answered based on ALL of the information given. If she's in the Western world, the likelihood is high that it will come out eventually that she was not a virgin on her wedding night. I still think that honesty is the best policy in a marriage, but really--she's gotten advice on how to hide it, along with the advice that it may not be a good idea to do so.

With ONE PARAGRAPH of information, people have answered the best that they can with the information they have.

i belong to a muslim family and am worried about my virginity as i lost i before 4 years with my BF who than ditched me. now i am getting married next year and dont know how to hide from my hubby that i am not virgin. i can't tell him as i can't affort to loose him:( . i dont know what to do on my first night. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me out.

Salaams to you ksanakh,

First thing,no matter what anyone says,if you are a firm believer in Islam, I would advise you to pray and repent for whatever you have done in your past.
Pray for forgiveness and blessing in your upcoming marriage.

The question you asked about virginity.
It is not just about the hymen but the moral obligation of both the muslim man and woman to keep chaste until marriage.As others have said hymen may be broken due to so many other reasons other than intercourse.

Now here is a scenario,if you lie outright to your husband and he finds out from another person that you had a boyfriend and used to sleep with him that will be an awkward situation.

If he does bring it up you can tell him or if he doesn't, you can always tell your husband later when you two have been married for a while and you are able to know how he will react.If he is understanding and you get to talking about each others past maybe you could bring it up.
Otherwise you may never tell him but know that the Almighty knows and with His forgiveness you have a clean slate as long as you do not repeat your mistake.

May you have a blessed marriage.

Wa salaam

Hello:

Just hold yourself real tight. You'll bleed and he'll be fooled.

excon

Do not tell him. No need for him to know. Just have an injection set without needle ready at your wedding night, filled with a couple of cc blood.
After you had sex, just insert the blood undeep into your vagina, making sure it drips out on the bedsheets.

Realize you do not know if your BF is a virgin. Not even when he tells you or claims to be one. So for him to know if you are a virgin is irrelevant also. Just do that blood trick to keep him happy.

Alternatively : have instead of an injection set a sharp pin ready to prick your finger (after which you insert that into... )

;)

I think that's going a bit far, as stated before not every woman bleeds when losing their virginity.

I think that's going a bit far, as stated before not every woman bleeds when losing their virginity.
But he wants to see blood. Than give him that blood at the bedsheets...
Why not?

How do you know he wants to see blood? Non-virgins bleed too. This is just completely ridiculous.

How do you know he wants to see blood? Non-virgins bleed too. This is just completely ridiculous.
I'm a male. And I know how males think. Almost all of them want to marry a "true" virgin, but almost all males also expect her to know all the tricks in the sexual book, and to be an expert in all possible sexual positions and techniques. That is not ridiculous, but part of the reality of life.

Of course many women bleed, while others do not bleed. But that is not the point.
Why would it be ridiculous to give the guy what he wants to see?
Read the lead question to see the background of her boyfriend, and why she worries.

Many women fake so much in bed. So why not provide a good fake in this case , to set them up into a merry matrimony?

;)

So lying will create a happy marriage??

Look, until the OP comes back and gives us more information, arguing about it will help absolutely no one.

So lying will create a happy marriage???
No, off course not.
Happy partners create a happy marriage.
And my solution is a well proved one.
With 50% or more of all women at times faking in bed, what is your problem with this one-time only fake?
I originally stated that it is up to her if she wants to tell later, or keep it silent.
But if he is a person as I understand he is from the question, than my "solution" is at least starting the marriage, while yours will only let it explode before it even takes place...

No need for mile high unrealistic expectations of the "perfect" marriage.
As with many other things in life it is better create a truth that solves the problem, than to create an explosion that destroys the problem - with the goal (the marriage) included !
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===
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Yes Synnen : you are right on that! Lets wait till that reply...

;)



;)

The diffrence could be how everyone is looking at his as someone earlier said muslim custums are a lot different that the free-style "american" customs we are all so use to. Although I doubt she would be killed, she would be disgraced, not only by her future husband but her family as well, if you haven't figured out how suppressed muslim women really are.

Now Ksanakh- your position right now is delicate. Honesty is the best pollicy, but given your situation, like has been suggested wait until you know how he will react until you say anything if you feel the need to; it is Extremely hard to live with a lie that in your case seems to be so heavy; the guilt is almost unbearable. And as has been said not all women bleed during their first time, and some bleed when its not, I don't know for a fact but if you haven't had sex in four years there's a good chance that you'll bleed anyway. Speaking from American custom if your to-be husband truly loves you then it will be unconditional despite your past mistakes. Think really hard about what is best for you, your relationship and your husband and decide which consequences are highest.

Think really hard about what is best for you, your relationship and your husband and decide which consequences are highest.
You have some point, but why endanger the start of a marriage with not preparing for a huge possible problem?
Half or more of womanhood is faking at times an orgasm. A conveniant lie is part of life, and women have learned to live with that perfectly, without any loss of sleep or moral correctness.

Have at least a sharp tool ready at hand during the wedding night to "help" nature a little bit, and do - if needed - the finger trick. At this moment of long time abstinence she is a more or less "reborn" virgin anyway!!

;)

Hello again,

You white Anglo Saxon Americans don't get it... We're not talking about a successful marriage here. We're talking about a LIFE.

If the husband finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her, and get away with it. If her father finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her and get away with it. If her brothers find out she's not a virgin, they can kill her, and get away with it.

So, my suggestion was a LIFE saving one, not a MARRIAGE saving one.

excon

Hello:

You white Anglo Saxon Americans don't get it....... We're not talking about a successful marriage here. We're talking about a LIFE.

If the husband finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her, and get away with it. If her father finds out she's not a virgin, he can kill her and get away with it. If her brothers find out she's not a virgin, they can kill her, and get away with it.

So, my suggestion was a LIFE saving one, not a MARRIAGE saving one.

excon


If she is in country in the Western world, it is NOT her life. The way her question is phrased, it sounds like she would lose the GUY not her LIFE.

She says nothing about love in her ONE post, though, so I can believe that it is a marriage arranged by her family. I can see not being a virgin not getting her as advantageous a marriage in the western world, but not getting her killed... but that's something she should have thought about 4 years ago, if she and her family are that religious.

And Credo--there are just as many men that fake affection to get sex as there are women who fake it at sex to get affection.

excon agrees: Let's hope you're right...

I hope I'm right too, honestly. I'd just like the OP to come back and tell us more so that we can do more to help.

I'm sorry but this Muslim thing makes me want to scream.

Your "husband" does not need to know about your lack of/or otherwise, virginity.

Some cultures general TOTAL disregard for women is appalling-AND I don't give a crap about their religious tenets that demean women so much. There is a thing called HUMAN RIGHTS that seems to have been overlooked in some cultures.

Call me religioist, but the reasoning for their behaviour, honour killings, FGM etc. makes my blood boil.

The mere fact that we have a woman "scared" of losing her "husband" for what is really a minor detail in 2008 is outrageous!

Sorry for the rant. I'll shutup now.

Cheers.

Are you getting married with a Muslim, or other religion?
Muslims are only allowed to marry muslims, no?

Muslims are only allowed to marry muslims, no?No... they can but its highly discouraged. Likely a real bad idea to do in Muslim dominant countries... they don't have the respect towards others we do. I do know a couple married couples that are not both Muslim. But they are in the USA and not a place that thinks stoning people to death for not wearing a burlap sack is a good idea.

Muslims are only allowed to marry muslims, no?
My niece was married to a muslim man for about 5 years.
I think the only reason that it worked for the 5 years, that it lasted was because 1. she was much younger, 2. a virgin, 3. from the south and from a very strict religion. It may have worked out if he had taken her back to the South, to his country or had spent more time with her instead of working and with his buddies. Btw his father was deceased and I was told that his uncle allowed him to marry her.

My neice was married to a muslim man for about 5 years.
I think the only reason that it worked for the 5 years, that it lasted was because 1. she was much younger, 2. a virgin, 3. from the south and from a very strict religion. It may have worked out if he had taken her back to the South, to his country or had spent more time with her instead of working and with his buddies. Btw his father was deceased and I was told that his uncle allowed him to marry her.

His uncle? -Blood boiling point has just been exceeded! :mad: :mad: :mad:

I wholly disagree that telling him is the way to go. First, he is marrying you as you are now, not the person you were period. Nothing is gained by telling anyone of past sexual experiences period. Love him with all your heart and I don't think he will notice. If he does, he may choose not to acknowledge it. If he notices and comments, NEVER admit to a prior sexual encounter. Not even on your deathbed ! As far as the broken hymen. That can happen without intercourse. Do not make up a story, say you don't know and stay with that, forever !

Good luck.

PS. I am 62, retired for 5 years. Never seen any good come from confessions of sexual encounters. Keeping one's own counsel is the best for everyone.