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    How to hide from my would be hubby

    Asked Jun 7, 2008, 12:46 PM 31 Answers
    I belong to a muslim family and am worried about my virginity as I lost I before 4 years with my BF who than ditched me. Now I am getting married next year and don't know how to hide from my hubby that I am not virgin. I can't tell him as I can't afford to loose him:( . I don't know what to do on my first night. Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me out.
    Last edited by Curlyben; Jun 7, 2008 at 04:32 PM.
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    afaroo's Avatar
    afaroo Posts: 3,932, Reputation: 245
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    #2

    Jun 7, 2008, 04:04 PM
    Are you getting married with a Muslim, or other religion?
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    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #3

    Jun 7, 2008, 04:06 PM
    First I would suggest being honest with the man that you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

    If that is not an option you can always say that you were riding a horse or doing stretches and that broke the hymen. If he asks. He may not even notice.

    Again, that is if you decide to be dishonest with you future husband.
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    progunr's Avatar
    progunr Posts: 1,971, Reputation: 288
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    #4

    Jun 7, 2008, 04:08 PM
    What kind of answer do you expect to get here?

    You are asking us how to help you continue the lie you have already told.

    Sorry, honesty is the best policy.

    If you need to lie to keep your boyfriend, then you don't deserve him.

    He has every right to know the truth, and make his decisions based on reality.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,628, Reputation: 7627
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    #5

    Jun 7, 2008, 04:50 PM


    Honesty is always best, but most likely he will not know the difference.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,056, Reputation: 5340
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    #6

    Jun 7, 2008, 05:06 PM
    I agree with FrChuck. If your future husband is a virgin himself, he will not have a clue, will not realize that you are not a virgin. He will be too busy being worried about his own performance. If you compliment him and encourage him and tell him good things about how he looks and how he behaves, he will not be thinking about your virginity.

    If I were you, I would keep secret the fact that you are not a virgin. No good will come of your telling him now or ever.
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    afaroo's Avatar
    afaroo Posts: 3,932, Reputation: 245
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    #7

    Jun 7, 2008, 05:07 PM
    Chuck is right honesty is the best and like he says he will not know, but it will be good for you to start your life with honesty rather than you feel guilty inside, good luck and wish you all the best.
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    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
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    #8

    Jun 7, 2008, 08:47 PM
    I hate to advise someone from a Muslim culture because it is so repressive of woman's sexuality and oppressive of women in general, so that's my caveat. :) A Muslim woman who got away with it is your best advisor on this question as a non-virgin girl is going to have a problem finding a decent husband, n'est pas?

    You don't have to share any of your previous sexual experience with anyone... just lie. As far as anyone is concerned, you have never had sexual relations, and you **don't know** why there isn't any blood on the bedding! **That's all** All women can lose their hymen from experiences other than sex, and I bet some women are born without a decent hymen that breaks and bleeds.

    After a couple of weeks, it is all ancient history. :)

    Ya got to have courage in life, girl, there's no one to look out for your best interests but you.
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    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443
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    #9

    Jun 8, 2008, 12:11 AM


    I agree that honesty is the best policy--this is a secret you will have ot keep forever. And what happens if that other guy shows up and spills the beans someday?

    Everything else I have to say is judgemental, so I'll keep my mouth shut. The past can't be changed.

    If you absolutely are certain you want to hide this from him, then you're better off just saying nothing at all about it to him. No reason to lie, but there are so many ways for a hymen to break other than sex that it's not even funny.
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    kirriky's Avatar
    kirriky Posts: 80, Reputation: 26
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    #10

    Jun 8, 2008, 08:05 AM
    Act clumsy and nervous (i.e. don't do anything, let him do all the work, plus, you'll be nervous anyway, albeit for other reasons). Some women don't bleed during their first time, so just leave it at that.

    And no, you don't have to confess.

    Being honest is all very nice and extremely 'politically correct' unless you're coming from a background that promotes honour killings of women and girls. Zero cultural insight.
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    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443
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    #11

    Jun 8, 2008, 11:06 AM


    Being honest is all very nice and extremely 'politically correct' unless you're coming from a background that promotes honour killings of women and girls. Zero cultural insight.
    She said she came from a Muslim family, not lived in a Muslim country.

    I have a hard time believing that honor killings happen in the US, the UK, Canada, France, or any other country in the West.

    There are definitely plenty of Muslim families in other areas of the world than the Middle East.

    I gave my advice based on the fact that she would not have had a "boyfriend who ditched her" in a Middle Eastern country--she wouldn't have been allowed to be alone with a man not a family member.

    So please don't tell me I have no cultural insight--I read her ENTIRE question and answered based on ALL of the information given. If she's in the Western world, the likelihood is high that it will come out eventually that she was not a virgin on her wedding night. I still think that honesty is the best policy in a marriage, but really--she's gotten advice on how to hide it, along with the advice that it may not be a good idea to do so.

    With ONE PARAGRAPH of information, people have answered the best that they can with the information they have.
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    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #12

    Jun 8, 2008, 12:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ksanakh
    i belong to a muslim family and am worried about my virginity as i lost i before 4 years with my BF who than ditched me. now i am getting married next year and dont know how to hide from my hubby that i am not virgin. i can't tell him as i can't affort to loose him:( . i dont know what to do on my first night. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me out.
    Salaams to you ksanakh,

    First thing,no matter what anyone says,if you are a firm believer in Islam, I would advise you to pray and repent for whatever you have done in your past.
    Pray for forgiveness and blessing in your upcoming marriage.

    The question you asked about virginity.
    It is not just about the hymen but the moral obligation of both the muslim man and woman to keep chaste until marriage.As others have said hymen may be broken due to so many other reasons other than intercourse.

    Now here is a scenario,if you lie outright to your husband and he finds out from another person that you had a boyfriend and used to sleep with him that will be an awkward situation.

    If he does bring it up you can tell him or if he doesn't, you can always tell your husband later when you two have been married for a while and you are able to know how he will react.If he is understanding and you get to talking about each others past maybe you could bring it up.
    Otherwise you may never tell him but know that the Almighty knows and with His forgiveness you have a clean slate as long as you do not repeat your mistake.

    May you have a blessed marriage.

    Wa salaam
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    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,478, Reputation: 2990
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    #13

    Jun 8, 2008, 01:10 PM
    Hello:

    Just hold yourself real tight. You'll bleed and he'll be fooled.

    excon
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    Credendovidis's Avatar
    Credendovidis Posts: 1,593, Reputation: 66
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    #14

    Jun 8, 2008, 07:24 PM
    Do not tell him. No need for him to know. Just have an injection set without needle ready at your wedding night, filled with a couple of cc blood.
    After you had sex, just insert the blood undeep into your vagina, making sure it drips out on the bedsheets.

    Realize you do not know if your BF is a virgin. Not even when he tells you or claims to be one. So for him to know if you are a virgin is irrelevant also. Just do that blood trick to keep him happy.

    Alternatively : have instead of an injection set a sharp pin ready to prick your finger (after which you insert that into... )

    ;)
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    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #15

    Jun 8, 2008, 07:26 PM
    I think that's going a bit far, as stated before not every woman bleeds when losing their virginity.
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    Credendovidis's Avatar
    Credendovidis Posts: 1,593, Reputation: 66
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    #16

    Jun 8, 2008, 07:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
    I think that's going a bit far, as stated before not every woman bleeds when losing their virginity.
    But he wants to see blood. Than give him that blood at the bedsheets...
    Why not?
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    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #17

    Jun 8, 2008, 07:30 PM
    How do you know he wants to see blood? Non-virgins bleed too. This is just completely ridiculous.
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    Credendovidis's Avatar
    Credendovidis Posts: 1,593, Reputation: 66
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    #18

    Jun 8, 2008, 07:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
    How do you know he wants to see blood? Non-virgins bleed too. This is just completely ridiculous.
    I'm a male. And I know how males think. Almost all of them want to marry a "true" virgin, but almost all males also expect her to know all the tricks in the sexual book, and to be an expert in all possible sexual positions and techniques. That is not ridiculous, but part of the reality of life.

    Of course many women bleed, while others do not bleed. But that is not the point.
    Why would it be ridiculous to give the guy what he wants to see?
    Read the lead question to see the background of her boyfriend, and why she worries.

    Many women fake so much in bed. So why not provide a good fake in this case , to set them up into a merry matrimony?

    ;)
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    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #19

    Jun 8, 2008, 08:03 PM
    So lying will create a happy marriage??
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    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443
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    #20

    Jun 8, 2008, 08:38 PM
    Look, until the OP comes back and gives us more information, arguing about it will help absolutely no one.
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