I don't think that about all men... just the players.


THEIR GAMES... an open letter and opinion piece

Dear Mr. Player,

I'm sure they call you "the man" in your clique, but in actuality you're an ***hole. When you see a young, innocent, and sensitive woman like myself, what really goes through your head? Am I easy? Am I your meal ticket? What am I to you? I attract you for whatever reason. You say all the right things, tell me what I want to hear, yeah you're a sweet talker, you have a way with words. Some may call you the modern day Shakespeare. You have charisma... a real charmer you are. But don't be mistaken, you are a pig. A nasty little oinker. People like you are like a sore that never heals... it just festers. You prey after the innocent and vunerable... what does that REALLY say about you? I never understood why you fellas feel as though you need to play mind games with women, especially the young and innocent ones. Ok, so a guy like you could say that a woman allowed them the opportunity to take advantage of them, but that is nonesense. You're sick. Do you play these games with your mother, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your grandmother? Would you want a guy to play these games with the women (woman) you life? If you have answered I don't know, I don't care, I never thought about it or yes... then walk yourself to the nearest institution... reality check, you need help.

Let me give you a word of advice. Life is a b****, no pun intended, and the things you do to others will come back to haunt you. Karma has that funny way of catching up. Treat people the way you would want to be treated no matter how easy it may to take advantage of them. You are playing games with someone's daughter, mother, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, WHATEVER! It's not right. People like you suffer from self-esteem issues. You use games as a way to bring women down. Men like you are not man enough to stand behind a good woman. A good woman scares you so you do what you can to make things more comfortable for you by devaluing her self-worth!

What sick pleasure do you get out of leading a woman on and then disposing of us like trash? ***NEWS FLASH*** I am not trash, we are not trash, and should not be treated as such. I am a jewel, a princess, and a commodity that is so rare I should be treasured. If you valued anything in your life, Mr. Player, you would understand that concept. Instead, you're such an ignaramous, your mind is that of a peion. It's small. You are a small indivdiual who has small thoughts. People like you think you are so smart but in reality you will never experience true love. You don't know how to give love. What a terrible life you will live... always chasing for something you will never get. Why, because you are too busy playing women when in actuality you are only playing yourself.

I presume somebody played you...

And played hard.

I was... but I am expressing a point.

And your point being is that a lot (not all) of men are dirt bags.

You haven't found the right one yet.

Men are so much more different than women when it comes to sex. Men have to have it all. Women would be satisfied with just one. I have never met a guy (and I'm sure there are some) that had only one partner. I have met quit a few ladies who have.

I certainly hope that is not true. When I am in a committed relationship, I would hope is too!

Well of course it's not true for the whole world.

I just haven't met a guy that has had one partner.

I see... well why did you feel you needed to make the commet about "how hard" I was played?. is it that obvious?

I'm sorry if I offended you.

Yes it is obvious because you wrote nearly a whole novel on the 'player' topic :)

AND

Why would someone post something like this unless they weren't affected in some way.

Mmmm touché... no, I guess you didn't offend me but these feelings came back once this guys best friend contacted me last week, an update I guess. Old feelings came back to life...

Tell me what happened dear...

I'm not condoning this type of behavior at all... But there are always female players out there as well. It would be very easy for me to write up a topic of all the wronging that has occurred to myself or my friends from girls "playing" the guy. I understand your pain but please know we are not all like this :-) Some of us are actually good guys who look forward to relationships and not meaningless sex.

Second, in regards to the comment about a guy being with one girl. Same can be said about some women these days. I can count 4 guys I know that have only been with their girlfriend and that's it. But I also know of girls that made it a habit to see who they could sleep with. Each sex has their own set of flaws and each also has their share of players.

I'm not condoning this type of behavior at all...But there are always female players out there as well. It would be very easy for me to write up a topic of all the wronging that has occurred to myself or my friends from girls "playing" the guy. I understand your pain but please know we are not all like this :-) Some of us are actually good guys who look forward to relationships and not meaningless sex.

Second, in regards to the comment about a guy being with one girl. Same can be said about some women these days. I can count 4 guys I know that have only been with their girlfriend and that's it. But I also know of girls that made it a habit to see who they could sleep with. Each sex has their own set of flaws and each also has their share of players.

For the umpteenth time I said that I PERSONALLY haven't met a guy that has had one partner. I'm not speaking for all men. Just me!

Well I actually have another post Beautiful. It is called calculated or out of the blue. It is on page one of "relationships" That pretty much sums up everything. I left out some other VERY personal details. Do you mind reading it?

It doesn't sound like nothing more than he's happy for you.

Why would you want to go back to someone who used you?

I was just clarifying that there are some, please drop the attitude. And I never said anything about you singling people out, I was just pointing out that guys like do exist

I don't want to go back to someone who used me. I haven't heard from the person who used me... just his best friends. Although if my EX were to come around and say all the right things, who knows. Anyone could easily be loured back into a trap if the person they love knows exactly what to say. Do you think his best friend's happiness is REALLY all that genuine. If I could play the recording I would. It sounds like he doesn't believe I could have moved on "so quickly" since I was in very deep with his best friend... thoughts?

Don't be mean Rome :(

How can someone have an attitude through the internet?

Because you said 'in regards to the comment about a guy being with one girl... ' I accidentely took that as you were blaming me for something that I never said. BUT I read it wrong.

Sworry...

I don't want to go back to someone who used me. I haven't heard from the person who used me...just his best friends. Although if my EX were to come around and say all the right things, who knows. Anyone could easily be loured back into a trap if the person they love knows exactly what to say. Do you think his best friend's happiness is REALLY all that genuine. If I could play the recording I would. It sounds like he doesn't believe I could have moved on "so quickly" since I was in very deep with his best friend...thoughts?

Okay so now your in it for the best friend? I'm lost!

Ps, Rome I would like to meet a guy that really wants me. I gave the guy everything. Maybe too much... I don't know... I thought being an open book was a good thing. No secrets... but then again mystery can be dangerous as well.

AmExp

Sorry you got played. Both genders do it. Move on, His loss.

Is AmExp ? Pregnant?

Pregnant? Ohhh noooo nooo nooo! That would be a terrible situation... I would be tied to him forever!

What am I to you? I attract you for whatever reason... I am a jewel, a princess, and a commodity that is so rare I should be treasured.

Um, see a connection?

What do you mean?

Brunette - Now, I would never be mean to you sweetheart... :-) I apologize if it came off that way as it was not intended. I just wanted to point out that both sexes are capable of doing the most heinius acts possible to each other.

AmExp - Trust me, I wish I could meet a girl that didn't question my motives. That would actually look past her guard and actually see that "hey this guy actually wants a relationship not a random hook up" That's never been me, and never will. I would just feel dirty going girl to girl. I like the comfort of someone being there, knowing you have someone to fall back on. But hey, for now I'm just going to do me and let the pieces fall into place themselves

Rome---right. I guess the hypothesis is true that when you "search for someone" you never find "Mr. or Ms. Right" but when you just live life and as you say "let the pieces fall into place" I think the chances for success is greater. Did you have some one play you?

Brunette - Now, I would never be mean to you sweetheart...:-) I apologize if it came off that way as it was not intended. I just wanted to point out that both sexes are capable of doing the most heinius acts possible to each other.

AmExp - Trust me, I wish I could meet a girl that didn't question my motives. That would actually look past her guard and actually see that "hey this guy actually wants a relationship not a random hook up" That's never been me, and never will. I would just feel dirty going girl to girl. I like the comfort of someone being there, knowing you have someone to fall back on. But hey, for now I'm just gonna do me and let the pieces fall into place themself

I know women who are players themselves so the statement is most definitely true.

Yea, I had someone play me... My first actual "relationship" was that. Not too mention the girl I was starting to show interest in is trying to play me. So I am very much into this debate from personal experience

What do you mean?

A) If you're truly that rare a jewel and exude that vibe, only a player would have the confidence to approach you, because he doesn't care about the long term outcome.

B) I've known a few self-proclaimed princesses. It's now a red-flag for me. The consistent theme in their relationships was unrealistic expectations which led them to get sucked in completely by any prince charming who swept them off their feet by stroking their ego.



bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE: I'm saying that the application of the label of princess should be reserved for the guy. Any woman that thinks herself a princess is approaching relationships from the wrong perspective and with perhaps unrealistic expectations and therefore open to manipulation.

Dear Broken heart,

You breathe in the congested air of aggravation
Smoggy stagnate suffocation of frustration
You feel betrayed and all you gave was your heart
Don't let that man take that apart
It seems that with every single oppressive breath
Your one step closer to your emotional death
Gasping for air in the race for happiness, love, and wealth
You realize that true happiness lies within yourself
Don't let heart ache leave your inhibitions to die
You emerge and spread your wings and start to fly.
Don't fret my friend your heart should remain in tact.
Because whatever he has done karma will get him back
You lived you learn you must now be strong,
Never stop loving to your potential
Because someone did you wrong.
In order to win this fight
Forgive this man and move on with your life.
No blaming yourself, and don't blame every man
You could be missing the good one who may one day take your hand, hold your heart,
Just be patient and never change who you are! You fell this time, but he didn't win, but as long as you don't let it happen again.

Yea, I had someone play me...My first actual "relationship" was that. Not too mention the girl I was starting to show interest in is trying to play me. So I am very much into this debate from personal expierence

I have not been played before but can only imagine what it feels like.

I have been hurt so that sort of ties along with getting played.
Getting played=Hurt

Romey, I have read a lot of your posts and are so estatic with the kind of person you are: understanding, compromising, sweet and a real gentlemen! Whoever finds you will be so luckey to have you. And you aren't that much older than me. Guys around my age are so immature and don't give two sh*ts about feelings. You are truly one of a kind!

A) If you're truly that rare a jewel and exude that vibe, only a player would have the confidence to approach you, because he doesn't care about the long term outcome.

Every woman is a diamond that needs constant shining :mad:

I'm beginning to think that you are the 'player' and have taken advantage of these 'rare jewels'.

Can you tell me where you came up with the above statement please because I very much disagree with you.

I agree with you too Beautiful! EVERY WOMEN DESERVES A GOOD MAN! That comment was very shady that he or she made. I feel as though that person may have an ulterior motive to say something like that.

B) I've known a few self-proclaimed princesses. It's now a red-flag for me. The consistent theme in their relationships was unrealistic expectations which led them to get sucked in completely by any prince charming who swept them off their feet by stroking their ego.


Well you must have met some cubic zirconia, the vulnerable ones that tend to loose their shine and lack value, the outside looks good but is really worthless.

.. Because A true Jewel, is more than appealing in appearance it is priceless in value.. and only those grateful of its worth can appreciate that..

So I think you need to change the location as to where you are finding your jewels..

LOL @ Jolie's comment! That is the TRUTH!

LOL @ Jolie's comment! That is the TRUTH!


;) lol... I can get creative too...

I'm begining to think that you are the 'player'...

LOL, I'm as far on the other end of the spectrum as possible.


Can you tell me where you came up with the above statement please because I very much disagree with you.

Any woman that thinks herself female perfection incarnate, is likely to be very intimidating to any regular guy that might actually care what she thinks, after all nothing is too good for her, she's a princess! He'll have endless opportunities every day to not meet her expectations. The player on the other hand will use her self-absorption to his own advantage feeding her what she wants to hear until he tires and moves on.


So I think you need to change the location as to where you are finding your jewels..

They weren't my jewels, but would lament to me how their crummy boyfriends weren't treating them like the "princess" they were. "Oh, where's my prince!"


Well you must have met some cubic zirconia

Exactly, that's why self-proclaimed princess status is a red flag. Jewels tend to desire pedestals, but how do you make a rock that thinks it's a diamond feel like more than a diamond? Rocks are happy wherever they are, and especially content if treated like a diamond. This rock's looking for another well-rounded rock for which we can both be each other's "diamond".

Now that I've pissed off all the jewels here by daring to threaten their jewelness, I'll see if I can find a player to swing by to affirm that I'm an idiot and that indeed flowers bloom from every woman's footsteps. You'll be completely enthralled by what he tells you since it will be exactly what you're thinking. How could it not be true?

Just tell 'em "I ain't no easy sleazy, no sloppy seconds,and don't want N0 dead end relationship. You can get them a dime a dozen down the road. Start hikin' if I ain't to your likin'!"

LOL, I'm as far on the other end of the spectrum as possible.



Any woman that thinks herself female perfection incarnate, is likely to be very intimidating to any regular guy that might actually care what she thinks, afterall nothing is too good for her, she's a princess! He'll have endless opportunities every day to not meet her expectations. The player on the other hand will use her self-absorption to his own advantage feeding her what she wants to hear until he tires and moves on.



They weren't my jewels, but would lament to me how their crummy boyfriends weren't treating them like the "princess" they were. "Oh, where's my prince!"



Exactly, that's why self-proclaimed princess status is a red flag. Jewels tend to desire pedestals, but how do you make a rock that thinks it's a diamond feel like more than a diamond? Rocks are happy wherever they are, and especially content if treated like a diamond. This rock's looking for another well-rounded rock for which we can both be each other's "diamond".

Now that I've pissed off all the jewels here by daring to threaten their jewelness, I'll see if I can find a player to swing by to affirm that I'm an idiot and that indeed flowers bloom from every woman's footsteps. You'll be completely enthralled by what he tells you since it will be exactly what you're thinking. How could it not be true?


You didn't piss me off at all, your just venting because your hurt, and you are allowed to, but hey sometimes we have to pick the wrong ones, to get closer to the right ones, Life sometimes take involving risk, and sure we all will encounter some scum bags whether it be male or female... its apart of living and life to prepare us for the work ahead... I was attracted and married to the wrong guy it wasn't but it had nothing to do with me believing I was the perfect princess it had everything to do with him being the wrong man... Understand that in relationships people are bringing out their representatives during the honey moon phase and we get mislead sometimes, but in the end we may get hurt but as long as we maintained our ROYALTY and LOYALTY by staying the princess we dared to be, and respected our relationship then there is no need to apologize for the male being an A__ hole... that's just my opinion, I will not apologize because someone else is a cheater.. Or feel less of a woman because I picked the wrong partner and because I experienced that I can help others to not go in that direction..
THe END and this is my FAIRY TALE.

your just venting because your hurt, and you are allowed to

Makes it easy to dismiss my observations if I'm damaged doesn't it? Unfortunately, I don't seem to be the lone quack - The 'Princess Effect' - The Daily of the University of Washington (http://thedaily.washington.edu/2007/1/3/the-princess-effect/)

I find the whole princess complex fascinating. When/how/by whom does it get instilled in a female? It must be unique to female experience because I don't hear guys complaining that their girlfriend doesn't treat them like the prince they are; or, leaving their girl because "she doesn't treat me like a prince." I don't think I've ever heard a man refer to himself as a prince.

Guess you haven't ran into many prince*s in your life :D

Yes unfortunately many of us girls do fall for the princess fairy tale.
Instead we get the frog that the kisses don't work on!

I just want a good guy, no games... some how that seems impossible.

I just want a good guy, no games...some how that seems impossible.

A regular contributor on AMHD has a signature that says something like "Insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting different results." What you're doing is not working so change some aspect of what you're doing. Where do you meet all these "bad" guys? Look elsewhere.

In college... and it's one guy... not many... but I learned that many guys are like that because of my friend's experiences. The guys I dated in the past had their hang ups but they were not like this guy at all.

Now that you've experienced a player, have you thought about how you're going to distinquish a player and the nice good guy you're looking for in the future? The player is going to make you feel oh so wonderful. The nice good guy will probably be uninteresting and have trouble communicating with you because he's so nervous and doesn't want to blow his chances. The player doesn't care what you think of him and can be bold. The goal is bedding you as quickly as possible. In fact, if it takes too long, he'll move on to easier prey.

Do you realize guys don't just *poof* morph into a player one day? Many actively train to be a player because they have been utterly unsuccessful with women - the nice good decent but ultimately rejected and lonely guys. How many nice guys have you turned down that just didn't do it for you? There are entire websites devoted to the art of the pick-up and seduction. The Karma you're counting on to "even the score" isn't selective.

There you go again with your assumptions... I don't turn down "the nice guy" if he comes my way and he is what I am looking for then clearly he will get a chance...

Have you ever turned down guys that weren't what you were looking for? If so, there's a good chance at least one of them was a good guy - what you say you want. My assumption is only incorrect if all the guys you've turned down were "bad" or you've never turned anyone down.

I have not been played before but can only imagine what it feels like.

I have been hurt so that sort of ties along with getting played.
Getting played=Hurt

Romey, I have read a lot of your posts and are so estatic with the kind of person you are: understanding, compromising, sweet and a real gentlemen! Whoever finds you will be so luckey to have you. And you aren't that much older than me. Guys around my age are so immature and don't give two sh*ts about feelings. You are truely one of a kind!


Awl, why thank you Brunette:-) I have always just been brought up with the believe that you are supposed to treat women with respect. And yea, we are right around the same age. It seems you have a great head on your shoulders and know what you want out of life. I appreciate the compliments and look forward to having another discussion with you again. :-)

I feel as though I must interject into this conversation yet again. A lot of the good guys(I like to think of me as one) do feel as though we won't measure up to the standards that great women have set. We don't have the crafty lines that the "players" have because chances are, we have been in long term relationships so the whole idea of approaching a women is strange to us. Granted, I'm only 21 but when I approach a girl and talk to them for the first time, I get that nervous feeling. Sweaty palms, practice what I'm going to say in my head praying that I won't screw it up. I hate seeing these "players" get with really good girls, then they hurt them and the girl becomes so guarded, the nice guys can't get in anymore.

So while girls have something against players, trust me ladies, the good guys out there, have something against these "players" because they ruin things for us as well. He may tell you your beautiful to get in your pants, so that when the nice guys says "you're beautiful or pretty" we are immediately thought of as trying to do the same.

I know a player when I see one.

Trust me, I don't fall for that crap.

PS. You're welcome Romey. You deserve it! :) :) :)

I feel as though I must interject into this conversation yet again. A lot of the good guys(I like to think of me as one) do feel as though we won't measure up to the standards that great women have set. We don't have the crafty lines that the "players" have because chances are, we have been in long term relationships so the whole idea of approaching a women is strange to us. Granted, I'm only 21 but when I approach a girl and talk to them for the first time, I get that nervous feeling. Sweaty palms, practice what I'm going to say in my head praying that I won't screw it up. I hate seeing these "players" get with really good girls, then they hurt them and the girl becomes so guarded, the nice guys can't get in anymore.

So while girls have something against players, trust me ladies, the good guys out there, have something against these "players" because they ruin things for us as well. He may tell you your beautiful to get in your pants, so that when the nice guys says "you're beautiful or pretty" we are immediately thought of as trying to do the same.

Of course the nice guys can 'get in' as you say. Be brave! There is NOTHING stopping the good guys to catch the game.

Romey (mind if I call you that?), you will do just fine. Sweaty palms and worrying over saying the 'right' things is normal, player or not.

Nah, I don't mind what you call me :-P lol... Ha ha OK, as long as it's just not only me about worrying lol. I try to make the right impression with women, I have friends that are players and they are constantly trying to get me to have that "one night stand" and stuff, I just happen to take into account how someone feels. It may seem like a bad thing to them, but if it is, I'll take that bad thing anyday.

Like a situation I'm in right now, this girl I am kind of interested in, is distracted by this "player" who treats her like crap! Left her at the mall once, says she looks fat in certain things(which she isn't), parents don't like him and then she will call me about it and says she does like me, likes hanging out but something keeps her trying with him. So I have lately just backed off and let her do her thing. My aspect on life is, whatever happens... happens. My life has already been pre-determined. I could become that a*hole to her and treat her like dirt. But like I've said, that's just not my personality. I wouldn't want to see a guy like that do it to my mom(because well he would get his jaw popped :-)) or any other girl I am close too

Well, guys I would like to say that now adays roles are changing, In my opinion.. again MY OPINION, I would prefer to approach a guy rather than a guy approach me, that way I already checked him out and know that is what I want... and to tell you the truth all of my married female friends, actually approached their husbands... I mean its just from my observation... I notice that we as women start to pick our men versus them picking us and broaden our expectations, we can possibly save ourselves from many ruined relationships, hell it worked for my friends, and many other women I know.. Again it's my opinion, try something different..

Any woman that thinks herself female perfection incarnate, is likely to be very intimidating to any regular guy that might actually care what she thinks, afterall nothing is too good for her, she's a princess! He'll have endless opportunities every day to not meet her expectations. The player on the other hand will use her self-absorption to his own advantage feeding her what she wants to hear until he tires and moves on.

I sure hope I don't intimidate anyone :)

I think you are referring to 'high maintenance' girls here because every woman is a precious jewel. As for every man is a 'prince' as you say.

We are all in a fairy tale. My prince will slay the dragon and I will be faithfully waiting for him. The roles balance each other my good friend Scleros. If a woman is loyal, kind and respects herself, then the man should treat her like none other. There aren't that many women who do that. Now if a man had the same qualities, then he shall be treated like the gentlemen that he is. Not all men are like that either.


You see, when both male and female roles balance each other, why not treat them like gold? They act it. Do you think that a lying, cheating, disrespectful girl should be treated as if she is the best thing on earth? IMO, no because she doesn't value herself therefore she isn't going to respect others too.

I agree with you Romefalls... it's not fair but it really makes a girl question a guys motives when he says thinks like that sorry to say.

I wrote this... yet, how did I forget this so quickly? I am still trying to deal with the same guy.