I am not asking anyone to post how many partners they slept with that’s personal.

The question is how many sex partners are too much?

I personally think having more 3 sexual partners is too many. If woman told me that she has been with more than 3 people I would not date her, this of course only applies to when I was single.

As long as your standards apply both ways. If you have slept with more than 3 women you should not date or get married.

Really?

... hmm... I guess my standards are diff as I'm a college student...

If a girl says she can count them on both hands, then... I think I'm OK with that.

I agree needkarma. As long as her numbers are AROUND my number, I'm OK.

I don't think the number should matter. What should matter is that the person is looking for the same kind of relationship with you that you're looking for with them. People who've had lots of partners can be capable of deep emotions and long-term monogamy, if that's what you want. Have you seen the movie "Chasing Amy"? If not, I recommend it...

I tried to leave the question open ended, I'm not saying my standards should apply to everyone. My standard may change depending on age. I don't expect someone who is 40 to only have had two lovers but it would be nice.

My numbers are no one's business. Not even my husband's (All he needs to know is that he is the LAST number).

Because of stupid ideas that a certain number is "too much", ESPECIALLY since it's primarily guys that have that stupid idea---more and more women just don't want to talk about numbers.

And any guy that HAS a specific number as "too many" better either be a virgin or have FEWER than that number himself.

Toluca, what you are telling me that you would date someone that been with over 100 sexual partners?

If they were tested STI-free, had treated past partners respectfully, and with me wanted whatever kind of relationship I wanted with them, and I otherwise liked them for who they were, sure, why not? Like I said, I don't think number should matter. It's a person we're talking about here -they aren't less of a human for having a sexual history. And I don't think one-night stands (or whatever) make someone a bad person, so long as they're engaged in with mutual respect.

Like I said, have you seen "Chasing Amy"? I think that movie really speaks to this...

Sex with multiple partners in my opinion does not make some one a "bad" person. I think the personality that is within is what really matters. And I don't feel you should ask some one before you date them... "how many sex partners have you had?"... What a conversation starter, huh? :) lmao

Well, what makes me angry is the double-standard. Society thinks its OK for men to have just about as many sex partners as they want and they are just "getting lucky" whereas if a woman had oh let's say, 20 sex partners, she is a slut. I know women that are not even 21 yet and have had close to 20 and they are the nicest most devoted women you'd ever meet and NOT sluts. I have met men that "claim" to have had over 200 women, and they are just like awesome! It's just funny. I think as long as someone is tested and shows up as clean and is a decent, sweet, devoted human being then the number shouldn't count. I know it wouldn't for me.

I always wanted to be with just one guy, but my ex turned out to be a real con/jerk. I ended up alone and only wanting to find somebody I would be happy with but what we want and what we end up with are often two different things. I started seeing a guy I really cared a lot for but eventually it just didn't work out. Everybody said it is the type of guy you attract so I tried seeing opposite my type and they turned out to be control freaks. I have spent more years alone than what I have had bf's. Well I gave up cause I only ever wanted ONE.
(Still able to count them on two hands with some fingers left over)

You make a lot of good points. But also, don't give up. There IS someone out there. I know that is so what a mother would say... but it's true.

I don't really think it matters, not at least in a "if someone has slept with x people they are a bad person, or not dateable" sort of way. I personally think its important to discuss things like this with romantic partners, because they should understand each other's feelings towards sex, but as someone who has had many many different partners, I don't think it makes you a bad person at all.

As you asking about how many sex partners at one time?


I think we have to remember the past is the past, many of come from all sorts of backgrounds, some ladies may habe been hookers but latter change their ways and become moving mothers and wives.

And as one who may have lived a wild life in his late teens and early college years, I would hate to be judged by mistakes of my youth.

You know what they say.

When a man gives you his number of sex partners, subtract by 2.
When a woman gives you're her number multiply by 2.

I'm not saying that's true, but that's the consensus of many.

My number, my husband knows, but I'm not sharing with anyone else. Let's just say, more than 1, less than a million, play around with that.

I'm going to go with 273,092. Why? It's my lucky number.

I thought it was... for a guy's number, divide by 3. for a girl's number... divide by 3.

... so... alty...

834,276...

I win! No, still not giving you a number.

Either way, what's in the past is in the past. I wouldn't be able to "unlove" someone just because they've been with allot of partners. I guess it does bother some people though.

Well, I will give you my honest number. 3. One guy was only once (lost my virginity to him) another guy was just a fling and it was only 3 times. And then the man that is my husband. I guess though I am young, and most people would think my number would be lower then those in say their 30's.

Who talks with a lover about how many sex partners each has had? That's kids' stuff.

You know, life is short, and dead is forever... best to be smart and a good judge of people and enjoy life every day. :)

Talking about your past experiences is important, STD's are scary, the more partners someone has had the higher chance that they are infected. It's not childish, it's what mature responsible adults should discuss before deciding whether to engage in sex.

Having said that, once you find out the number of people your potential mate has had, it is not fair to judge them, that's in the past, they didn't know you then.

That's all I have to say. Still not giving a number. I will say that MarriedGuy wouldn't have dated me.

OOH! OOH! So it's bigger than 3... less than a million. OK. One step closer.

I have had girls ask me for my number, and I never gave it to them... mainly because it really wouldn't change anything.

I too believe that talking about it is very important. Never be ashamed or afraid what someone will say. The past just that, past. There is nothing you can do to change it now.

I wasn't ashamed... it was more along the lines of... "why would you wanna know?"

That's it exactly. Why fret about something you can't change. If someone can't accept me for who I am and what I've done then I really don't need to be with that person to begin with.

I've been happily married for 13 years, so obviously the past doesn't matter that much.

There are reasons. And I don't blame people for wanting to be safe nowadays.

Just by asking me how many girls I've slept with will not tell her if I'm safe or not... nor will it tell her whether I'm healthy.

I wasn't ashamed...it was more along the lines of..."why would you wanna know?"


Oh, oh, busted.

It really shouldn't matter if you are sure that you haven't caught anything from the partners that you have had. Aids is a scary disease, I would want to know if there is a possibility that a potential partner has come into contact with any disease. Condoms don't always work, just my feeling about this.

I have to disagree on this being kids stuff.. because a person sexually history tells you a lot about a persons. Yes, I will agree that people change and they should not be judge solely on the fact that the slept with x amount of people.

Most of us are adult and teenage will mirror our image and ideals. This question indirectly ties into why teenage view sex like they do.

Be honest if you where going out with someone of several months and after a nice sex session your in bed cuddling. Your partner says “I feel so close to you right now, I want to tell you before we go any further, x years ago I was male/female prostitute, I hope this doesn't change things” Throw in some tears and dramatic pauses has you see fit.

Yeah, I know, I'm stupid.:p

I do like asking the numbers. And not only my partners', but also my friends'. It's purely out of curiosity - I don't see anything wrong with knowing (or telling) it. In any case, as you get to know the person and establish his 'past' timeline, you kind of figure out the number anyway, don't you?

Yeah, but you have to take in consideration women/men may only count people they were in relationships with and not the random guy/gal the took home after trip to the club.

Oh, I count them all--relationships and 1 night stands and short term flings, whatever.

I just don't think it's anyone's business how many of the guys I dated I slept with, and how many guys I didn't date that I slept with.

As long as I practiced safe sex, and got regularly tested--what difference does it make if the number was 1 or 11 or 21? Or 101?

Obviously, the guy who WANTS to sleep with me (because really--do you date someone you don't want to have sex with?) that changes his mind because of a number from my past--well, that guy is a jerk anyway, if he can't deal with the fact that it's MY past. Not his, not anyone else's ---MINE. And really... MY past is what makes me, well... me. And if he likes me, and wants to sleep with me, and then gets put off by a freakin' NUMBER---

Well, all I can say is that I wouldn't be too sorry to see a guy that shallow leave anyway.

I didn't mean to upset any if I did I apologize. This number actually works both ways. I was rejected once because I was a virgin.. she left the room.. saying I can't have sex with no virgin! And no that was not my wife, lol

Psh... I'm going to be honest. I would be kind of intimidated if they had more than 20+ partners. But whatever... I'm saving myself for Ben Affleck, so I guess I better get over it.

Tick tock Ben... before I'm 30... sheesh.

Forget Ben, I'm going after Vin Diesel, yummy!

I wasn't really offended--it just makes me wonder why people place such an emphasis on a number that may or may not mean anything.

I honestly think the answer to the question "How many people have you been in love with" says more about a person than the answer to "How many people have you been sexually intimate with?"

Synnen, that's an easy one to answer. I've only been in love once, and I love him more every day. You're right, that's all that really matters.

Married Guy - I wasn't offended either. Don't worry about it, all is good.

That depends on the age of that person... an unmarried 35 year old can't be held to the same yard stick an 18 year old is. But exactly what that number is can be hard to pin down exactly... by my standards more than 2 per year of adult life is excessive. And even 2 per year average would indicate some sort of commitment issues.

If its into triple digits... thats clearly too damn many however, period no matter how old.

Well, again the question was to get in people personal lives. But since we are all sharing. I think a been in love with

1st: Lourdes - 1st grade to 4th grade, moved away. What? I could have married her...

2nd: Roslie - Taught me true meaning of heart-break. Having someone tell you they don't love you and for you not to come around is no fun. Also, learn you must define a relationship in the beginning.

3rd: My lovely wife..

Mixed feelings here.

Every person has their comfort zone, some are much more narrow than others, and I don't find fault with either extreme. To each their own. If a person didn't want to be with me because I wasn't a virgin, OK. Differences in perspective. Likewise if I had a few partners or many.

If I was dating a person who had tons of partners, id want to know if she were healthy, just as id want to know this about any person who was sexually active... if you have a known STD its really only morally right to disclose when the relationship gets serious.

The only unique thing I might want to know is, in an extreme case, if this person has jumped from partner to partner, and bed to bed... I might want to understand if she had a desire that couldn't be satiated by just one man. If the drive for that next new lay was too strong to stay committed.

*edited in * would I hope my daughter has longer lasting relationships and fewer sexual partners? Sure, generally speaking. There's a lot of research about the increase in stds among people with multiple partners. Obviously those not practicing safe sex are at greater risk, and of course people lie, cheat, condoms break, etc. this can happen in any relationship, long term or casual, but one would expect the looser the emotional ties to the person, the easier it is to distort the truth or lie... *edited*

My partner had nearly 3 times the number of partners as I did when we met. She learned some good tricks along the way.

I've only been in love once. And I'm there right now with my wonderful husband.

Mmmm, Vin Diesel is yummy.

It doesn't matter how many partners a person has had as long as the current one is willing to "learn" you.

Marriedguy, you said:
"a person sexually history tells you a lot about a persons. Yes, I will agree that people change and they should not be judge soley on the fact that the slept with x amount of people."

Marriedguy,
If you agree that people change and that a person shouldn't be judged solely on the fact that they slept with x number of people, then what's your point?

Discovering how many partners your lover/boyfriend girlfriend has had after having a wonderful sex with them, and then lamenting about it seems a bit backwards. Why?
1.) If the number of partners your lover or new girlfriend or boyfriend has had, is so important to you that their answer could devastate you, then ASK BEFORE making the leap to the bedroom.
2.) Some have commented on this board about the importance of a person's past sexual partners because the number can correlate to the risk level for having a STD. The greater the number of past partners, the higher the risk for carrying an STD (statistically-this is the case. But it should not be used as a hard and fast rule. One of my girlfriends has had many, many partners-she likes sex-and she has NEVER had sex without a condom. She also has been tested for STDs.) My point: if you believe that people change and that a person shouldn't be judged solely on the fact that they slept with x number of people, then let’s not quibble with numbers. Why not just ask your potential lover to have a complete STD screening, including HIV & HEP B & C virus screening? And, you do the same and disclose your results to them. Not at all unheard of. Also, numbers USUALLY DO NOT MATTER when it comes to STDs. Having 1 sexual partner, can be dangerous, if you don't know anything about their past!
3.) If the number of partners your lover or new girlfriend or boyfriend has had, can be potentially emotionally devastating, than brace yourself for a bumpy ride. There could be number of painful things that maybe just as devastating to you about your partner's past. What about whether they're "over" their 1st love? What about abortion? What if she has had one or six? Maybe she was only with one other partner but has had one or six abortions. What if after your new girlfriend broke up with a college boyfriend, he then committed suicide? Would you want to know more? What if one of your new girlfriend’s exes is a dangerous gang member or a high profile revolutionary? Would these facts bother you? Would these facts matter as much as the number of past sexual partners she has had? (If I were still me but a male) Some of these facts would be VERY important to me; some wouldn’t matter at all to me.
4.) I don't think it should be numbers we need concern ourselves with when it comes to a person's past, it should be, safety, and your respective outlooks on sex and relationships. If you're conservative and perhaps religious, or if you're liberal, and your views on religion are secular, then find a person with similar views, and get to know them BEFORE you decide to become serious and sexual. Place more importance on safety; get tested and make sure your new friend has been tested.
5.) Numbers are gages and have the potential to result in placing labels where they really don't belong. Like Fr. Chuck said, he would hate to have to be judged by past youthful indiscretions. You see, a person’s past is not ONLY about the number of past lovers they may or may not have had. Also, think about what really matters in a relationship and what is important to you.



:rolleyes:
meow

I would have to say no limit... Never say never! Case closed, meeting adjourned.

I would have to say no limit ... Never say never! Case closed, meeting adjourned.

What? I am sorry but if you are replying to my post, you aren't making any sense.

If you are always looking at women in terms of their sex life you will never really be happy with anyone who had a life before they met you. You don't judge people for their past. Some people make mistakes and regret them forever. But a person who sees mistakes as a learning tool to grow, change, should not be looked at in past tense but the present and who and what they are now, TODAY.

I think that when a person has had so many partners that the connection between new partners is lost, that might be over the limit. You've got to love the one you're with. When that is gone, what's the point ?

... really?

Even if she's 27..

... does this mean I'm a ho?

cmon ppl. having three sex partners means your a ho
thats it


This person continues to post contradictory info, strictly for reaction - read the other posts.

Should be banned from site -

The "art" of love-making comes with having many different experiences with different partners. It's not the "only" means of becoming an "artist", but it sure was fun(60's,70's was the best... and safest).

The "art" of love-making comes with having many different experiences with different partners. It's not the "only" means of becoming an "artist", but it sure was fun(60's,70's was the best...and safest).Not completely true... a person who listens and learns can be a great lover with only one or two partners while someone who slept with a thousand that never pays attention but to their own needs will remain a horrible lover.