I got a girl pregnant 4 years ago (my biggest mistake ever). We agreed she would get an abortion but due to her health situation she was unable to get an abortion (so she says). I don't understand why because she said she had one 5 months earlier. We were never a couple it was just casual sex which resulted in this child. I was ordered by the court to pay child support after having a paternity test done on the child.

I NEVER had a problem with paying child support. I just don't want to be obligated to be a part of this child's life or take on any kind of parental responsibility. I don't want the child's mother to force her child on me or have anything to do with the child. The mother has her child calling me Dad but the child doesn't know me and I don't know him. I know it sounds harsh, but we both decided that the pregnancy was to be terminated. I have not seen or contacted the mother in years but she still texts me and leaves messages when the child's birthday comes around. I already have a family life that I'm happy with and I don't want her to ruin my relationship with my wife by constantly bugging me about her child, that we agreed would be aborted. She gets child support so I think that's enough.

Even if I can't get my parental rights terminated is there any way she can force her child on me or have me take responsibility of the child. I will pay child support until the child is 18 but I don't want any other responsibilities concerning her child. Can anyone give me advise on what I can do legally or if there is something I have to do (paperwork wise) to prevent her from having me take responsibility of her child?

Thank You

What responsibilities is she trying to 'force' on you besides the child support you are okay with?
Is she threatening you?

She can not force you to visit or see the child, she can not force you to do anything except pay.

She can ask for medical insurance for the child, esp if your job would provide such insurance. She can ask for you to pay 1/2 of medical bills not covered by insurance. She can also ask that you pay till the child is 21 if they are in college plus to pay for part of the college expense.

But they cannot make you see your chilc.

Paying child support is all you are required by law to do. Whether or not you have a relationship with your child is up to you. She cannot "force" you to spend time with your child. So legally terminating your rights is nothing different than simply not exercising your rights... because it's your choice.

Just keep in mind what you plan to tell your child when they are older and come looking for you to ask why you weren't around.

As long as you a paying child support... that is all you have to do.

Paying child support is all you are required by law to do. Wether or not you have a relationship with your child is up to you. She cannot "force" you to spend time with your child. So legally terminating your rights is nothing different than simply not exercising your rights....because it's your choice.

Just keep in mind what you plan to tell your child when they are older and come looking for you to ask why you weren't around.

As long as you a paying child support....that is all you have to do.


I don't want any kind of rights regarding this child. I don't consider or see this child as mine. I have expressed my feelings to the child's mother of not wanting a relationship with her child many times but she won't accept it. If this child does look for me when they are older I will simply tell them the TRUTH that the mother and I were NEVER a couple and we had planned to have them terminated but the mother wasn't able too and that I honestly didn't want a child with their mother. I really think she kept the child to have me around, but I can't speak for her, that's just how I feel. I honestly have NO FEELINGS for this child and don't want to hurt the child by telling them the truth, if that has to happen.

I'm happy to know that all I have to do is pay child support to keep her legally away from me and my family. I'm just concerned because she has mentioned finding out where I live and dropping her child off for me to take responsibility.

Thank You for your response


What responsibilities is she trying to 'force' on you besides the child support you are okay with?
Is she threatening you?


She hasn't forced any other responsibilities regarding her child YET. I think she is upset that I didn't stay with her, that I asked for a paternity test, and that I want NOTHING to do with her child. However, she has texted me saying she would find me and drop her child off at my door step to MAKE me acknowledge her child. If she does do that all that's going to happen is that her child will get hurt from the truth that I will tell.


She can not force you to visit or see the child, she can not force you to do anything except pay.

She can ask for medical insurnace for the child, esp if your job would provide such insurnace. she can ask for you to pay 1/2 of medical bills not covered by insurnace. She can also ask that you pay till the child is 21 if they are in college plus to pay for part of the college expense.

But they cannot make you see your chilc.



If she gets married and her husband doesn't want to adopt her child can she still make me pay bills not covered by insurance and college expenses for her child?

Thank You for your response

You need to get a grip on reality here. YOU created a life and now like it or not that life is going to follow in your steps so long as you live and after you die. What you have will be theirs too. If you have children now and they are to find out they have a brother / sister out there they will be curious. Do you intend to explain the abortion principle to them also ? Your legal obligation is met with the child support, but if she drops off the child and you refuse to care for him / her then your in a different legal areana. As you found out in court already YOU are responsible like it or not so start acting like it.

She hasn't forced any other responsibilities regarding her child YET. I think she is upset that I didn't stay with her, that I asked for a paternity test, and that I want NOTHING to do with her child. However, she has texted me saying she would find me and drop her child off at my door step to MAKE me acknowledge her child. If she does do that all that's going to happen is that her child will get hurt from the truth that I will tell.


I don't think this is all HER child; this is also YOUR child.

Whatever went on between you and the mother is between you but I am chilled to the bone that you would hurt an innocent child with the "truth" as you see it in order to get out from under your responsibilities and to get even with the mother. I can't even imagine why the mother is upset that you didn't stay with her - I'd think she'd be delighted!

Of course, that doesn't address the child. And, again, it's not HER child. And once two people "make" a baby either one can proceed or not as they choose - maybe that's a question you should have asked her first.

Maybe you should think of this the next time you take off your pants. All of this could have been avoided - or, better yet, print out your posts and show them to the next woman you hook up with.

If she gets married and her husband doesn't want to adopt her child can she still make me pay bills not covered by insurance and college expenses for her child?

Thank You for your response

If the child is never adopted, you are legally responsible for at least half of any and all care the child may need.

Regardless of how cold your heart is... please keep in mind, this is NOT the child's fault. Unfortunately they didn't get to pick their parents, or I'm sure they would have picked better ones.

I don't think this is all HER child; this is also YOUR child.

Whatever went on between you and the mother is between you but I am chilled to the bone that you would hurt an innocent child with the "truth" as you see it in order to get out from under your responsibilities and to get even with the mother. I can't even imagine why the mother is upset that you didn't stay with her - I'd think she'd be delighted!

Of course, that doesn't address the child. And, again, it's not HER child. And once two people "make" a baby either one can proceed or not as they choose - maybe that's a question you should have asked her first.

Maybe you should think of this the next time you take off your pants. All of this could have been avoided - or, better yet, print out your posts and show them to the next woman you hook up with.



Your opinion about me is your right.
When we found out she was pregnant we had an understanding that she was to terminate it. However, she didn't and I don't feel I have to acknowledge HER child at all. I pay child support and that's the only thing I feel I'm responsible for.

You're right, all of this could have been avoided if I thought before I took my pants off thinking this girl was on the pill (like she told me), or if I just wore a condom, but that didn't happen.

I'm in no way hurting this child. If you thought I was going to tell a 4 year old the truth about this situation that's crazy. However, I will tell the child the truth when and if the child is older and comes looking for me as stated in a post from another member. The child's mother is hurting her own child by giving the child false hopes. Like you mentioned the child's mother should be delighted that I don't want to be with her or HER child.

I've never said anything NASTY or BAD about the mother. Don't get me wrong, she is a good person. But wanting me to have a relationship with a child that was suppose to be terminated is NOT going to happen.

Obviously you didn't read my question which was, CAN I GIVE UP PARENTAL RIGHTS BUT STILL PAY CHILD SUPPORT? So in no way was I trying to get out of any financial responsibilities concerning the child I just don't want a relationship with the child.


I'm sorry if my question and situation offended you but you didn't have to reply especially since you didn't help me with my question, all you did was JUDGE me. I'm glad all the other members aren't as judgmental.


You need to get a grip on reality here. YOU created a life and now like it or not that life is going to follow in your steps so long as you live and after you die. What you have will be theirs too. If you have children now and they are to find out they have a brother / sister out there they will be curious. Do you intend to explain the abortion principle to them also ? Your legal obligation is met with the child support, but if she drops off the child and you refuse to care for him / her then your in a different legal areana. As you found out in court already YOU are responsible like it or not so start acting like it.


I am taking responsibility, I'm paying child support. I just don't want a relationship with the child and I don't want the mother to threaten me into having a relationship with the child. If I do have children in the future I will tell them the truth. I have nothing to hide. As for explaining the abortion principle to them that's exactly what I will do, when they are at an appropriate age. If they decide to look for that other child that's their choice as it's my choice not to have a relationship with the child.


If the child is never adopted, you are legally responsible for at least half of any and all care the child may need.

Regardless of how cold your heart is....please keep in mind, this is NOT the childs fault. Unfortunately they didn't get to pick thier parents, or I'm sure they would have picked better ones.


I will pay whatever I am legally responsible for concerning the child. I would still pay child support even if the child was adopted. I know this is not the child's fault and never said it was. I may be a cold hearted but I'm just being honest.

If she gets married and her husband doesn't want to adopt her child can she still make me pay bills not covered by insurance and college expenses for her child?

Thank You for your response
Its important to keep your child in your life because if the mother dies responsibility would fall back on you, and if its proven after the mother dies that you were not in the child's life they could terminate your parental rights and FORCE you to pay child support to someone else. That's why its always important to keep your child in your life because you never know what could happen later on. People and parents do die unexpectantly, and if she did die I'm sure you would want custody to raise your child on your own without having to pay someone else to do it for you.

I would continue to pay child support and in about 10 years offer to pay for the therapy the child is going to need for having such a cold and callous father. Sheesh.

It's sad when little girls get pregnant too, and don't share the decision making with the person that helped them get that way.

To the OP: If you don't want a relationship with the child, don't have one. No one can make you do that. As long as you're paying child support, the state isn't going to come in and tell you that you have to spend time with a child you don't want.

I feel bad for everyone in this situation--it sounds like the mother tried to "catch" you with the child, and now is upset that it didn't work.

I would continue to pay child support and in about 10 years offer to pay for the therapy the child is going to need for having such a cold and callous father. Sheesh.


Honestly, I hope and pray that this child's mother finds a strong and caring man to marry that will bring a positive male role model to this little boy. Hopefully soon and the little boy won't know what an absolute waste of skin his biological dad is.

I'm going to chime in here more to summarize than anything else.

1) No court is likely to allow you to terminate your rights unless there is someone waiting to adopt.

2) You cannot be forced to have a relationship with this child if you choose not to.

3) Your responsibility to provide support for this child will only end when someone adopts the child or it reaches adulthood.

Those three points effectively answer your question. But now I'm going add a few points that you need to consider.

4) You have only the mother's word that she couldn't go thorugh an abortion. I suspect that she just told you that. After previously going through one, she may not have been emotionally able to do it again.

5) I've often said that NO ONE should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are financially and emotionally prepared to have a child. And having a child means rearing it, not just the physical act of conception and birth.

6) You said that it would do no harm for the child to not have you in its life. Obviously you have no experience with a single parent situation. You have no idea what this child will go through on days when a father's presences will be necessary. You have no idea of the emotional harm that can be done when the child learns they were rejected by a parent.

7) You cannot tell this child EVER that the mother wanted to abort it, because you do not know that's a fact. You can say YOU wanted to abort and that you reject the child but you don't know the truth about the mother.

8) You need to grow up a bit. Its all well and good that you are standing by your financial responsibility for the child, but fathering a child is more than just financial support. To TRULY live up to your responsibility means being a part of the child's life.

It's amazing how judgemental all of you are.

He discussed WITH the mother the choices when she first became pregnant. THEY decided on an abortion (not just him, folks--and she'd already HAD an abortion, so don't be thinking she's an angel "saving" her "baby"). She doesn't sound like great relationship material, either, from the OP's description. Then--she reneged. That's her right, of course--but how would you feel about a guy that wanted to choose adoption and then she backed out on him, sticking him with a kid and child support after they agreed on a different course for the child? Would that have made all of you less judgemental?

This is NOT a thread about whether abortion is right or wrong. It's not a thread about what a loser the dad is for not wanting a child in his life that he was honest from the very start that he didn't want in his life. Great! We all support the MOTHER'S right to choose - why not the father's, too? At least he's owning the responsibility of paying child support!

How dare all of you judge him for that?

If the mother chose adoption, would you see THAT as her "wanting to get out of her responsibility"? Well, unfortunately, the father can't make the same decisions as the mother, except in the way the OP of this thread has. He doesn't want to raise a child. He'll take on the financial side of it, but was honest with the mother from the start that he didn't want a child.

I'm just... amazed. I thought the people here at AMHD were better people, who wanted to HELP other people, not judge them.

Synnen
You make some good points, some I agree with. Where we part company is the welfare of the child. Yes it's a dirty deal that she supposedly agreed to the abortion then backed off (for whatever reason). This is an area where the father can get royally shafted, since they have no say in whether the mother aborts or not.

But to abandon a child, to totally reject that child. To let it know that it wasn't wanted is just as wrong. Maybe we were a little judgemental about the OP. But his callous attitude towards the child grates on me. If he didn't want a child he should have kept it in his pants. There are things we don't know like who was the father of the previous child. Was it him or did he start taking up with this girl because he knew she was an easy lay. I just feel there are too many points here that make him come out with a lot of egg on his face.

There is a big difference from being able to have sex and produce children and being responsible for the results, Where was the birth control, where was the condoms, were were the morals about having casual sex and not worrying about the results of having it.

So for some reason she changed her mind, and decided not to kill a child, great for her, I wish 1000's more would do that and close the death camps. But it was her choice alone, the man has no legal standing in the choice of the abortion issue. So she changed her mind.

At this point he has a legal responsibility to pay child support, and be held responsible for his actions.

He does not have to do any moral duty of being a father, he and his own conscience has to live with that choice. But as Scott said from the legal standpoint, while he may not be able to give up his rights, he does not have to use any of those rights, he has to merely pay his support,
I am sure he can work out a custody agreement with the mother, giving up all visitation, and full custody to the mother.

There is a big difference from being able to have sex and produce children and being responsible for the results,   Where was the birth control, where was the condoms,  were were the morals about having casual sex and not worrying about the results of having it.So for some reason she changed her mind, and decided not to kill a child, great for her,   I wish 1000's more would do that and close the death camps.   But it was her choice alone,  the man has no legal standing in the choice of the abortion issue.   So she changed her mind.At this point he has a legal responsiblity to pay child support, and be held responsible for his actions.  He does not have to do any moral duty of being a father,  he and his own conscience has to live with that choice.   But as Scott said from the legal standpoint, while he may not be able to give up his rights, he does not have to use any of those rights,  he has to merley pay his support,I am sure he can work out a custody agreement with the mother, giving up all visitation, and full custody to the mother.you are so right. It is sad that the kid won't have his dad,but it is his choice and he has to live with it.but I think you accually can sign off your rights. You can where I live but you still have to pay support. I think it's according to where you live.

you are so right. it is sad that the kid won't have his dad,but it is his choice and he has to live with it.but i think you accually can sign off your rights. you can where i live but you still have to pay support. i think it's according to where you live.

I would suggest you review your local laws. Most jurisdictions do not allow a parent to relinquish their rights except when there is a parent waiting to adopt or the parent represents a danger to the child. Even where the law allows a TPR, the courts are very relunctant to grant them. Why should they? The parent can effectively relinquish their rights by not exercizing them. They can't be forced to be a parent, only to support their child.

I agree its sad that the kid will grow up without a dad. So what purpose would a TPR serve. Maybe he changes his mind, so having a TPR prevents him from doing so.

I would suggest you review your local laws. Most jurisdictions do not allow a parent to relinquish their rights except when there is a parent waiting to adopt or the parent represents a danger to the child. Even where the law allows a TPR, the courts are very relunctant to grant them. Why should they? The parent can effectively relinquish their rights by not exercizing them. They can't be forced to be a parent, only to support their child.

I agree its sad that the kid will grow up without a dad. So what purpose would a TPR serve. Maybe he changes his mind, so having a TPR prevents him from doing so.


I guess I need to go and tell the judge she made a mistake when my friend donnie signed away his rights and agreed to pay 480.00 a month in child support.
Please stop targeting me when you don't know what you're talking about. Thanks

Bit bitter, aren't you Jenny?

Most judges will NOT allow relinquishment without someone stepping up to adopt, with or without child support being an issue.

It does happen occasionally, but that is NOT the majority of the experiences out there.

Sure, it happened for someone you know--but are you a judge? A lawyer?

Unless you can quote the specific law that allows this, and which state it happened in, then don't presume that no one here knows what they are talking about.

I want to chime in on this one that even if the OP wants to play his chosen role of being cold and uninvolved in the child's life, as some mission to prove his rights not to be bothered with the unwanted results of his actions, saying that it would interfere or cause problems in his life, that he wants no part of, that the OP will be judged not only by those on here, but also by people in his life. Everyone from his parents, current wife, kids, or acquaintances will judge him by his dedication or principle to follow through on his abandonment of the child. Refusing to acknowledge the child will not solve all of his problems, he is just stubbornly adhering to his actions and feeling justified in not becoming involved based on wanting to have it his way. Shutting the kid out isn't going to gain him any respect from anyone. The OP can take his denial to the grave with him along with the knowledge that sometimes it doesn't matter how right you think you are, not accepting certain responsibilities makes you less of a man.

Bit bitter, aren't you Jenny?

Most judges will NOT allow relinquishment without someone stepping up to adopt, with or without child support being an issue.

It does happen occasionally, but that is NOT the majority of the experiences out there.

Sure, it happened for someone you know--but are you a judge? A lawyer?

Unless you can quote the specific law that allows this, and which state it happened in, then don't presume that no one here knows what they are talking about.

Not bitter, just strong, the state was al. and I told him that the laws may be different where he is. Where have you been? Again my statement offends for no reason. The song remains the same.

Honest to goodness, Jenny--it's your attitude that rubs me wrong.

Seriously--no one here knows you well enough yet to let snippy little comments like "where have you been?" and "please stop targeting me when you don't know what youre talking about. thanks" to people that have been answering questions like this for quite some time.

Look in the archives, and you'll see what I mean.

But--the whole "holier than thou" and "I know everything" attitude isn't helping you here.

Your statement offends because of your "tone" and your wording.

Honest to goodness, Jenny--it's your attitude that rubs me wrong.

Seriously--no one here knows you well enough yet to let snippy little comments like "where have you been?" and "please stop targeting me when you don't know what youre talking about. thanks" to people that have been answering questions like this for quite some time.

Look in the archives, and you'll see what I mean.

But--the whole "holier than thou" and "I know everything" attitude isn't helping you here.

Your statement offends because of your "tone" and your wording.
I must have miss understood the tone of your wording as you spoke to me and scotts as well see I was speaking to the other gentleman and not you but you took it upon yourself to butt in as did scott. '' please stop targeting me was a statement made to him because no matter what site I'm on he's there to bully me and you were very sarcastic to me, when it had nothing to do with you. If you think I am going to tuck my tail when I've done nothing to you then your wrong. I want to speak to these people just like everybody else without being harassed. Now leave me alone and speak to the op not me. Thanks

i guess i need to go and tell the judge she made a mistake when my friend donnie signed away his rights and agreed to pay 480.00 a month in child support.
please stop targeting me when you don't know what youre talking about. thanks
Again, you need to get the chip off your shoulder and read what people say, not what you think they said. I said in most jurisdictions that wouldn't happen. I don't know the full circumstances of your friends case, so I can't say why it was allowed in his case. But it doesn't help people to talk about the exceptions instead of the rule.
Nor am I targeting you. I responded to this thread before you so its on my subscribe list, that's why I saw your post. As far as my knowing what I'm talking about, I stand by my record of accuracy on this site (or any site I participate on). I don't post anything unless I am sure of myself. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, just that they are rare. This site has rules about attacking people and comments like that are against those rules. If you don't stop you will find yourself suspended or banned.

i must have miss understood the tone of your wording as you spoke to me and scotts as well see i was speaking to the other gentleman and not you but you took it upon yourself to butt in as did scott. '' please stop targeting me was a statement made to him because no matter what site i'm on he's there to bully me and you were very sarcastic to me, when it had nothing to do with you. if you think i am gonna tuck my tail when i've done nothing to you then your wrong. i want to speak to these people just like everybody else without being harrassed. now leave me alone and speak to the op not me. thanks
Nor am I the only person here telling you that you need to curb the 'tude. Synnen's response here is just another example.
You also, clearly, don't understand how sites like this one works. Once you post something it becomes open for anyone else to comment on. We pride ourselves on the accuracy of the advice given out here. So when we see advice that is misleading, prejudiced or just plain wrong, one or more of the regulars will speak out against it. Its not about you but about maintaining the high quality of advice being given here. You aren't being harassed, but your responses, some of which have been inaccurate, biased have elicted comments to point those things out. They will continue to be pointed out wherever they are posted.

I believe the answer is no in most cases.

I don't want to be labeled as bitter but I am angry and have learned a lot the last 2 years. I was in a two year relationship and got pregnant. We lived together in my house.The relationship was good sometimes but most of the time it was abusive and callous. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with 4 women. When I first found out I was pregnant my first reaction was to have an abortion. He actually talked me out of it. The funny thing is the baby made me a stronger woman. I broke up with him in my first trimester. Before the break up we were to name the baby after him (MRJ III). He would talk to my stomach,rub my belly, the whole bell and whistles. After we broke up... nothing. My son is almost 11 months old and he has never seen him (except for when he humiliated me in asking for a paternity tests). On top of that he has had us in and out of court trying to avoid helping me. I don't contact him or talk to him. Although I am a single mom I am a happier person and a great parent. My child's father is walking around with I-phones,a porsche, and a rolex but has never offered me a penny towards our child. You would think I was a one night stand. The crazy thing is his family and friends support him and believes everything he says. We went from spending Xmas with his parents to no one in his family sending my son a Xmas present. My point is people are a-holes and will find anyway and do anything to satisfy their needs.

You would think your wife would step up and demand you be a parent but oh well. I am sure as long as her family is OK then its not her problem.

Every mother tries to keep their child from pain and this mother is trying to help her child have his father in his life. Everyone can try to answer this all day and the simple truth is that the laws are different from place to place. The only way to answer this is for you to call a local attorney in your area. Someone I know signed away his rights and remains paying support to the dhr to replace the money that they supply to the mother. So it is different all over. I think the comments on here are most likey because there are so many kids without there mom or dad and it messes them up. You may be a decent guy, we don't know that. You may be young and haven't considered it all. Your significant other may not want you to be a part of this child's life. You most likely don't want my advise, if so then don't take it. If it were me ( and it's not) I would continue paying the support without any further legal actions that you can't take back.
And see how I feel a little later down the road. We change each day and you don't know your tomorrow. Only consider how you would feel at 16 coming to your dad and him saying no get out of here I wanted you aborted. I don't say this to be mean. At first I thought , poor kid, this is going to be his life ,the same one that I had to have(only it was my mother)and I looked at my kids and I cried. But I know that our lives turn out the way that they are suppose to. I hope you come back in the future and let us know your situation, I'll be thinking about the child and wondering how things turned out for him. Good luck in your life.

i must have miss understood the tone of your wording as you spoke to me and scotts as well see i was speaking to the other gentleman and not you but you took it upon yourself to butt in as did scott. '' please stop targeting me was a statement made to him because no matter what site i'm on he's there to bully me and you were very sarcastic to me, when it had nothing to do with you. if you think i am gonna tuck my tail when i've done nothing to you then your wrong. i want to speak to these people just like everybody else without being harrassed. now leave me alone and speak to the op not me. thanks


You need to leave posts like this, and merely report any improper posts, starting to respond back to others will only make issues worst.
I would have normally deleted this post since it was directed toward others, but left it so as to related to what not to do.

I got a girl pregnant 4 years ago (my biggest mistake ever). We agreed she would get an abortion but due to her health situation she was unable to get an abortion (so she says). I don't understand why because she said she had one 5 months earlier. We were never a couple it was just casual sex which resulted in this child. I was ordered by the court to pay child support after having a paternity test done on the child.

I NEVER had a problem with paying child support. I just don't want to be obligated to be a part of this childs life or take on any kind of parental responsibility. I don't want the childs mother to force her child on me or have anything to do with the child. The mother has her child calling me Dad but the child doesn't know me and I don't know him. I know it sounds harsh, but we both decided that the pregnancy was to be terminated. I have not seen or contacted the mother in years but she still texts me and leaves messages when the childs birthday comes around. I already have a family life that I'm happy with and I don't want her to ruin my relationship with my wife by constantly bugging me about her child, that we agreed would be aborted. She gets child support so I think that's enough.

Even if I can't get my parental rights terminated is there any way she can force her child on me or have me take responsibility of the child. I will pay child support until the child is 18 but I don't want any other responsibilities concerning her child. Can anyone give me advise on what I can do legally or if there is something I have to do (paperwork wise) to prevent her from having me take responsibility of her child?

Thank You
I will not judge you , if you terminate your parental right you are still obligated to pay child support until the mother remarries and the child is adopted. If the child is adopted you are no longer obligated to pay child support.

You cannot force someone to be a parent if they do not wish to be. You cannot force yourself to feel what is not there to feel. A child does not deserve to be with someone that does not want to be with him/her. It is an unfortunate situation, however you have at least taken financial responsiblility which is more than many other accidental parents have done. Things happen in life, some of them are unpleasant but must be dealt with.

The situation is better the way it is. If you terminate the parent child relationship you are still obligated for support, however, you are no longer legally the parent of the child and she would be out of line to harass you any further. If you terminate parental rights and you are still harassed you may need to seek a restraining order.

Whether anyone agrees or not.. you do have rights. You also have a duty to protect your family against potential harm.

Comments on this post
jp242 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/jp242.html) disagrees: No judge will let him terminate his rights. You need to go back and read the other posts and see why this is true. A TPR means all obligation to support ends. He would not have to pay child support
JudyKayTee (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/judykaytee.html) disagrees: Absolutely not. What is your source?


While I agree with jp that no judge will let him terminate his rights, its not 100% that it will terminate support. Some areas do treat a TPR that way. Others separate parental rights and responsibilities. So termination of rights doesn't end support.

But the bottom line is that no court is going to terminate rights just to allow the parent to get out of paying support. So the effective result here is that a parent can't give up rights to get out of paying support. Either the court won't grant the TPR or if they do, then it won't affect support.

Hello Don't:

Didn't I read that you want to make sure she doesn't drop off your child one day? What makes you think that terminating your rights will stop her from doing that? And, if she does, who are you going to call? The "rights" police?

excon

PS> Ya know, having a kid around isn't necessarily bad. You could even grow to like 'em. And, they're REALLY good to have around when you're old.

I will not judge you as it is not for me to judge.

You asked a simple question you should have an answer. If you terminate parental rights you still will be liable to pay child support. You will not longer be the legal (notice I did not say biological) parent of the child. You will have no rights to the child and no obligation other than support.

Sometimes unfortunate things happen in life. It is better for the child if things stay as they are. You cannot force love for a child for whom you do not feel it and you cannot force fatherhood on someone that does not wish it.

You are taking financial responsibility and that is more than other biological parents do.

If the mother persists in harassing your family it is within your rights to get a restraining order. Yes, you make a mistake... all of us do. You also do have rights, feelings and a life.

Shirley

[QUOTE=Wildsporty]I will not judge you as it is not for me to judge.

You asked a simple question you should have an answer. If you terminate parental rights you still will be liable to pay child support. You will not longer be the legal (notice I did not say biological) parent of the child. You will have no rights to the child and no obligation other than support.

Sometimes unfortunate things happen in life. It is better for the child if things stay as they are. You cannot force love for a child for whom you do not feel it and you cannot force fatherhood on someone that does not wish it.

You are taking financial responsibility and that is more than other biological parents do.

If the mother persists in harassing your family it is within your rights to get a restraining order. Yes, you make a mistake... all of us do. You also do have rights, feelings and a life.



The termination of rights if the child is not adopted has to vary from State to State - does anyone have a definitive answer?

There is no definitive answer.

It varies from state to state and from case to case, from my understanding.

It would have to go to court, and a judge would decide what was in the best interest of the child.

The termination of rights if the child is not adopted has to vary from State to State - does anyone have a definitive answer?[/QUOTE]


Unfortunately that varies from state to state depending on the state laws. In some states if parental rights are terminated support is not required.

The QMCSO(qualified medical child support order) and the NMSN (National Medical Child Support Notice) are national. They are regulated by the federal government for medical support.

Since we do not know which state the person asking the question resides in we do not have enough information to answer the state requirements. The questioner is not questioning whether he must pay support but can he pay support if he terminates his parental rights.

If we know what state I can tell you what the rules are for that state.

Shirley

Different States have different rules. Some states allow voluntary termination of parental rights, some states do not. It is usually a Social Services Call in the state in question.

Here is an excerpt from one state's reason to terminate rights to a child.

What is a voluntary relinquishment of parental rights?

A parent may voluntarily relinquish (give up) his or her parental rights by signing one of the following documents:
• A relinquishment and consent to adoption;
• A denial of paternity;
• An acknowledgment of paternity and a denial of any interest in custody of the child.

Maybe there is more than one right answer and more than one wrong answer. I would say to the poster... check with an attorney and with the rules and laws of the state in which the child resides.

Shirley

A parent may voluntarily relinquish (give up) his or her parental rights by signing one of the following documents:
• A relinquishment and consent to adoption;
• A denial of paternity;
• An acknowledgment of paternity and a denial of any interest in custody of the child.


**** relinquishment and consent to adopt, if the custodial parent has a new partner ( married in some states) and the new partner wants to adopt, then they can sign the rights to the child away, so an adoption can be done.

Denial of paternity, you basically prove you are not the father

Acknowledgement of paternity and denial of any interest, is where you are the father, but want nothing to do with the child, this is sometimes given, but not usually, but the parent would still have to pay child support.
This is what the original poster was wanting to do.

It is allowed sometimes in some states, but not often.

Ok-sorry but I will re-post...
Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights
Parental rights may be terminated voluntarily with the written consent of a parent who for good cause desires termination. Even if both parents are in agreement that parental rights should be terminated, the Court must address whether the termination is occurring for good cause. "Good cause" is not defined in the statute.
In the case entitled In re Welfare of All, 304 Minn. 254, 230 N.W.2d 574 (1975), the Minnesota Supreme Court examined the purpose and intent of the statute to determine when good cause could be found. The purpose of the statute is:

First, to enable the judicial system to legally remove a child from a destructive or unhealthy home environment without the consent of the natural parents, and,
Second, to facilitate adoption procedures by providing a means by which existing parental rights may be voluntarily terminated.
In light of these purposes, the Minnesota Courts of Appeals have consistently ruled that a voluntary termination of parental rights for reasons other than to facilitate adoption works a substantial detrimental effect on a child, who will be forced to look solely to his custodial parent to meet all of his needs. See Matter of Welfare of J.D.N. 504 N.W.2d 54, 58 (Minn.App.1993).

The effect is that District Court Judges are extremely reluctant to terminate parent's rights voluntarily and certainly not where the termination is not agreed upon by the custodial parent. It is also clear under Minnesota law that a non-custodial parent cannot claim that the termination of parental rights is being requested in order to remove the child from a destructive or unhealthy home environment, since the petitioning party is not custodial parent. The likelihood of obtaining an order terminating parental rights is also reduced if the custodial parent is provided public assistance through the county. Obviously, the county does not want to financially support children when a parent who has that obligation is available. Even a non-custodial parent's lack of contact with a child and belief that the parent could not care for a child financially may insufficient to provide "good cause" for a voluntary termination of parental rights.


It is same in all states-for example IN RE: JAMES G. AND EMMETT M. L. III
-SUPREME COURT OF APPEALS OF WEST VIRGINIA
Child Abuse and Neglect Proceedings Rule 35 (2000). While the statute and the Rules demonstrate a strong concern that any so-called voluntary termination of parental rights truly be a voluntary decision, i.e. made with an understanding of the consequences and free of duress, they do not authorize the Department, by withholding its agreement, to preclude a circuit court from accepting a parent's truly voluntary agreement to the termination of his or her parental rights.

BTW I can give you examples from all states.

Here is where I am coming from and I can't do all states, but I do know it has been done.

Relinquishment usually occurs as adoption plans are being made. However, relinquishment is sometimes sought where the likelihood of adoption is remote, as where the other parent does not want to relinquish his or her parental rights. If a proposed relinquishment of parental rights is not in contemplation of adoption, under §32A-5-24(C) the court may not allow the relinquishment unless it finds that:

Good cause exists;
CYFD has made reasonable efforts to preserve the family; and
Relinquishment is in the child's best interest.
A parent who relinquishes under this subsection remains financially responsible for the child and the court may order the parent to pay the reasonable costs of the child's support and may use the child support guidelines. §32A-5-24(C).

JudyKayTee agrees: Wow - flies in the face of everything I've ever seen happen. Very informative, certainly changes what I've always believed. Do you have anything from NYS?

Yes,I have some:) :) :)

You can go and sign away your rights. Also if she did die you could give the child up for adoption and never see that child again. If she get married and the guy wants to adopt and you want to sign over your full prental rights you won't half to pay. Also NO parrents is responsible for their kids college money. Same as you can not force a kid to go to school. I know this for a fact I have friends who have given up their rights to pepole in their family and out side of their family as well. They are in NO way obligated to pay anything once it is final (they are responsible for suport up until the date as final.) I would go to a lawyer and tell them you won't to give up rights. Once the rights are given up though that is it. Also I have a friend was adopted at around 4. Her biological Mom in this case didn't want her anymore, gave up her rights and never saw her or paid a dime. So their are ways out depending on your state. Good luck hope that helps. Also I want to say you are doing a lot more then most guys who do not want a child you are paying child suport and that says a lot.