I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 year. 2months have passed with a decent amount of contact. That recently stopped and I started falling for her again. I professed my apology and love for her. I asked her to come back to me. To make things worse, she found someone already, started getting REALLY COLD, and now (after almost 3 months) she lives with them. I hear this may be a rebound. She says he treats her really well, better than I ever did. And he and I are completely different people.

I talked to her today, for the first time in a little while and asked her her feelings. She finally told me that she still loves me and misses me, and would come back to me, but she was currently involved with someone. She doesn't mind being friends. She cried recently when she thought I was seeing a girl. She cried when I asked her if she missed me. We have periods of several days where we don't talk. For the most part, I initiate all contact now. She also told me she dreamed, last night, that I had died [might have to do with: I got injured and was in the hospital a week ago for surgery/might mean I'm dead to her]. She said she was 'sad and hurt'

I feel like she's trying to make the new guy work. And it would only end if HE ended it.

Has she/is she:
Getting over me
Rebounding
Moved/moving on
Accepting I'm gone
Still in love with me and wants to come back
Leaving me as a future option
??

My friends say give it time. I could use some advice. I still amcrazy about this one...

Was there any reason for the break in the first place? I think giving it time is a good idea - stay in touch with her, but don't be too needy. Maybe limit yourself to initiating contact only once or twice a week.

Do you really want her back? I mean, would you have second thoughts if she called you right now and said "I've broken up with him, I'm coming over", because you don't want to ruin things again.

Just remember that the ball is in her court. I know it's hard but there's really nothing you can do to 'force' her to change her current arrangements. Give it time, but make sure you don't ruin whatever friendship you have left. Keep in mind that at some point you might just have to move on.

ryaninvegas


is she rebounding? Or is she over me?
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 year. 2months have passed with a decent amount of contact. That recently stopped and I started falling for her again. I professed my apology and love for her. I asked her to come back to me. To make things worse, she found someone already, started getting REALLY COLD, and now (after almost 3 months) she lives with them. I hear this may be a rebound. She says he treats her really well, better than I ever did. And he and I are completely different people.

I talked to her today, for the first time in a little while and asked her her feelings. She finally told me that she still loves me and misses me, and would come back to me, but she was currently involved with someone. She doesn't mind being friends. She cried recently when she thought I was seeing a girl. She cried when I asked her if she missed me. We have periods of several days where we don't talk. For the most part, I initiate all contact now. She also told me she dreamed, last night, that I had died [might have to do with: I got injured and was in the hospital a week ago for surgery/might mean I'm dead to her]. She said she was 'sad and hurt'

I feel like she's trying to make the new guy work. And it would only end if HE ended it.

Has she/is she:
Getting over me
Rebounding
Moved/moving on
Accepting I'm gone
Still in love with me and wants to come back
Leaving me as a future option
??

My friends say give it time. I could use some advice. I still amcrazy about this one...
Reply With Quote

I know exactly how you feel, I am in the same situation almost exactly. I am still hurting over it all. I am sorry you are dealing with the same thing. All I can say is NC is the only thing you can do. I won't even talk to mine anymore. She has been cruel and mean. I don't even know who she is anymore. I am not sure what will go on in the future, but I will not have any communication with her until she comes around. And even then, I am not sure I can get over how she has done things. It will be intresting if it ever happens. But I can't wait for it, I am living my life the best I can, I hope I will get over this enough to really like myself once again. Goodluck, use NC and hope for the best. I have been... Not sure it will make a difference since mine has been 3 1/2 months. Hope yours works out better than mine has.

It sounds like she's probably rebounding. Either way it doesn't sound like a very healthy situation right now. I'd back off so that both of you have a chance to get your heads cleared out and decide what you really want. If she's going to hang on to this guy as a security blanket then I really don't think there's much hope for you.

I asked her if she loved him. She said she never thought about that. Thst she loved things about him. -but for her to already live with him? That's like in my face! I will do no contact. But shouldn't I stand up for rmyself with something like:
You told me don't read into things; that I was blowing you new relationship out of proportion. I told you you could come back to me. But you haven't come an inch. In fact, now you've as far as to live with the guy.
I'm not going to sit here and wait while you weigh your options. Your making a fool of me. I have more pride and self respect than that.
--like I said I'm still crazy about this girl.

She's playing you like a violin. She is sleeping with some other guy and sits there on the phone and cries about how she misses you? I would guess the latter part is complete BS. Give YOURSELF time. Not the relationship. How could she miss you if you are constantly trying to get a hold of her. Man she must feel pretty desirable right now, even though really in my eyes she is the complete opposite. It's probable that she probably talks crap about you to her new man. Dude women can turn on the tears like a faucet. They are emotionally on a superior level then us men. You got to get away and, also, build a new life. You have to do it for yourself.

Ask yourself whether you love her. Do you know what love is. Even though you heard she said,"I love you", do you know that she loves you?
You didn't advices from others. Life is not a game. But if it is a game, it is destined to be a long and painful one. Love means marriage, and once people enter its altar, they should know they have already picked the most beautiful shell on the sand in this life and in next life.
Could you? If you are certain of your love, tell her, "I want you to be my wife. And you don't have other choices!"

Serena, your post is confusing. So are you telling him to ask her to marry him? I'll tell you what love does not mean marriage. Some people purely marry for money. That's a bit of naïveté if you ask me.

I agree with 'enigmagnectic', she's playing you like a violin...

'she finally told me that she still loves me and misses me, and would come back to me, but she was currently involved with someone'

^ if she loved and missed you, she would have left the other dude by now... dont you think

cut contacts with her, if she really loved you then maybe she will miss you and come back... (but don't count on it, sorry)

I'm sure you're a nice guy, you don't need someone who's going to treat you like and make you hang around waiting like a lap dog until she's ready to decide when she wants to get back with you... dont you think you're worth more than that?

If someone thinks marriage is an access to getting money, she also has to sacrifice her dignity, happiness and future. To decide to marry a person, whatever the percentage of true love is, she or he had loved.
If people are very clever in a relationship, where can we find love? You must risk willingly with the knowledge that I could be deceived, but I would like to be deceived by the person I love. If you are not obstinate for a person, don't say you love her.
"If she really loves me, she would miss me and come back to me." Are you a man who would like to take the responsibility for a woman to care her a whole life? Cowardice!

Ryan,

How long has she known this guy that she is with now? I have seen it time and time again where they have the next guy lined up before they breakup with the current guy.

Guys get pissed and breakup. Women plan it for months, some start fights so that the guy ends up doing the dirty work of breaking up.

Whay happened in your situation and how long has she known this guy?

I broke up with her because she was always asking me to have her move in with me. I felt suffocated at the time. I always wanted to end up with the girl but I simply wasn't ready for that type of commitment so soon. I was transitioning to a new job in a new city and trying to start a new life for us. But I was taking the steps to be ready for her. I think I was the smarter one about making a successful relationship but she was so persistent. She also got to know my friends and family so well from the get go that I felt invaded in a sense. Like I was getting locked down. I think I was smart...
I broke it up because I needed time to sort things out with the idea we would come back together shortly after. She was devastated and begged me to reconsider. I was cold and didn't give in. a month went by and we still talked. Then she started to disappear. She suddenly wasn't responding and wasn't making time for me anymore. This was the end of the relationship as far as I was concerned. I realized that I really missed her and cared for her. I started asking for her to come back. Then I found out she was starting to see someone. This doubled my efforts to get her back.
I groveled and professed my love. I groveled in every sense of the word people. I told her everything, too much and apologized for everything. Suddenly I was "really bad to her" and our history was replaced with nothing but negative moments. She interpreted EVERYTHING negatively. I was lost in all of the miscommunication. She says I'm crazy, bipolar, freaking her out, insane even... hurtful words to hear from someone that I'm saying 'i love you' to. She felt/feels like a completely different person. When I mention I was going to move on and was seeing other girls, she wrote me saying she was upset AND she said I was the only one she EVER wanted to marry and have kids with. I told her I didn't want to see anyone but her. But if she wasn't interested in me and was going to move on, so was I. today (original post date), I spoke with her and we shared some laughs and basically got along. I asked her point blank, some black & white questions. She basically told me that she loved me, missed me, would reconcile with me and would be with me BUT she's very happy with her current relationship. I found out that she's been living with him for 1 month I think. That's only about 6 weeks after we broke up. I guess the warning signs were there but what kind of girl does this. I can only hope that this is a rebound and it will probably fail. She's a clinger huh? I should run huh? Is it a rebound? She's just looking for a place to hang her hat...
I'm still consumed with her...

Move on buddy

If she really loved u like melisskah said before she would have gotten back together with you

Its time to start over

Do NC and start healing maybe one day u might even find a better girlfriend that understands what u really want and like

I know NC fine but should I stand up for myself and say I'm not going to be waiting around? I'm not going to be her second option...
Shouldn't I look strong, saying NO to her? Then go NC. Otherwise I look cheap and available!!
Or just NC?

i asked her if she loved him. she said she never thought about that. thst she loved things about him. -but for her to already live with him? thats like in my face! i will do no contact. but shouldnt i stand up fo rmyself with something like:
you told me dont read into things; that i was blowing you new relationship out of proportion. i told you you could come back to me. but you havent come an inch. infact, now youve as far as to live with the guy.
im not going to sit here and wait while you weigh your options. your making a fool of me. i have more pride and self respect than that.
--like i said im still crazy about this girl.

She's not seeing clearly because she's not mature yet. The best way that you can give her a real lesson, and for her to be a big girl, is for you to step out of her life. Stop spoon feeding her your love, and show her that if she's not going to take the great love you have to offer, your ship is sailing.

Don't be mean to her, but seriously cut all communication. You don't want to get confrontational, as you have outlined above, because the last impression is the one that will stay in her mind, and will give her something to think about. So you don't want her left with the thought that you are an a^^hole. Eventually, she will either come to you crying for love, or she will come to you angry for not communicating. And in either case, she will be the one chasing you, and that's when it is "okay" for you to confess that you want to try again.

Give her a chance to see for herself. And if she doesn't come around, then you at least have a headstart in distancing your mind and heart from her.

I think we left this on a good note but %#$@!!
I broke up with her for two months, she finds someone new, now stays with him, complains I was bad to her/hurt her, but says she would still still come back to me; "you know i would" she says. She's cheapened everything about us! I want to yell at her for doing this! Can girls that say they love u, want to marry u, have kids with you do this after 2 months of separation?! Shame on her! NC is one thing but she embarrasses and taints us both. Is this a common occurrence? --meanwhile I look like a jacka$$ that's willing to wait!
She's hurt me more than I could ever have hurt her!!

Is it common? Yes. Does it make a difference the first time you realize it. No. Don't worry my friend. Lessons are learned best when you make mistakes.

Well my opinion is that she is trying to keep you open as an option in case it don't work out with this guy, and even if she is totally not happy with this guy she can't tell you that, she doesn't want you to know that maybe it was a mistake breaking it off with you. Her crying because of the thought of you being with someone else is complete childish, it's that I don't want you love but no one else can have you. She remains in contact with you and I bet you probably won't date because you want her back, this is what she wants. As long as you are in contact with her you will be keeping your door open for her to come back. But let's say she leaves this guy and come back to you, at this point you may not even want her.. Then may end up breaking up with her.

I truly feel that you should move on and date and not wait for her. She didn't wait for you and at this point, I don't think she is truly happy if she is contacting you. I understand that you love her, and it will be hard but you need to live life! As she is living her life, and I think the healthist thing right now is to mimize contact with her.

So originally I called her a bunch and groveled to her. Told her I loved her and would do anything. She found someone new and I think he's a rebound but she treats it like she can't break up with anyne because that would hurt them... She says he really makes her happy. Well I wrote a goodbye letter to her, similar to the one she sends me (below)... I finally decided to tell her that I'm starting to see some girls. That since she was no longer interested in me I had no choice but to go out and meet some new people. I told her that there was one that seemed nice and treated me well. But, not to worry, we were just hanging out and don't read into things... (the same verbage she used on me 1 month ago). I told her that at least we could be friends. Well she ended up crying at work and emailed me later that night. Could anyone please interpret this email please?? She cried about it and wanted to to know "who" was introducing me...

]''''her email titled "good luck to you"
I called your phone a few hours ago and it had nothing to do with you being with another girl. I knew you weren't going to answer your phone, but that was the last time you are going to see my cell number pop up on your cell. I really wish you answered, but I'm sure you got the crazy voice mail from Optomus Prime. I wanted to end off on a funny note.

I have to be completely honest with you; I can't be your friend...at least not right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm glad you are going out with girls and dating, but I really don't want to hear about it. You were the one I wanted to marry and have babies with (you have been the only one that I have felt that way about...EVER!) I really don't want to hear about how you are moving on, hents why I don't like to tell you whats going on in my life. Its not easy to hear therefore I don't want to share it with you. (I never wanted to say anything that would make you sad or cry) I have to admit you made me cry today at work. I had to leave my desk and one of the attorneys followed me outside and asked if I was alright. That's great you are dating a few girls, but you know that I fell hard for you and then you were gone and I was dealing with it alone. I'm in no way asking you to wait for me, I would never ask that of you, but please don't think I am jaded or an unforgiving person. You know I tried very hard to keep US together. The relationship I am in right now made me realize I shouldn't have to work to make the relationship work...and it really makes me sad about you and me. But then again the hard work was worth the year we were together. You know you had my heart and yes you will always have a piece of it. It has been bruised and scared, but I am now looking at them as a learning experience.

I hope nothing but the best for you in life and your career...I have always felt that way. You know I have love for you and that will not change, but I'm not in the situation to be in love with you. I hope this does not upset you in any way...

'''
[/I]IS SHE CONFUSED?? OR IS HER MIND MADE UP? SHE WAS CRAZY ABOUT ME - I BROKE UP WITH HER
****
Since then...

I'm doing nc for 5 days now and it driving me crazy. I know everyone supports nc her but, by everyone's responses, it seems as though it's only to never talk to them again... I want her to come back. I know she has to make the effort... our communication has really dwindled down to AOL IM. I recently blocked her so she can't see me no more. Leaving her wondering... but is that too much? Should I pop up available? I'm really distraught guys. Need some help. She has cried when I ask if she misses me and I know I'm still in her head. This girl was CRAZY about me before I broke up with her


Is there any hope after acting so needy? Our last conversation was on the cheerier side (we shared some laughs) but I did ask her a bunch of needy questions. I have since gone nc:
Me(11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still wish we worked out?
Her(11:24:32 AM): yes
Me(11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
Her(11:29:59 AM): yes, but I don't know if that would happen
Her(11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
Her(11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
Me(1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still miss us
Her(1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
Her(1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
Her(1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
Me(1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you want to reconcile us?
Her(1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
Meassuming you wernt with your guy) would you come back to me?
Her:I already answered that
Her: you know I would

I feel so low. I might have well put a gun to her head. Is she just bs'ing me?

If you don't mind me asking because I am a bit confused why did you break up with her?

Post #12 I broke because I needed some time to figure myself out

I can rewrite this but I'd like to email it to her:
Forgive me for not understanding why the person who fell so hard for me won't talk to me.
I understand that when we broke up you needed someone. That makes sense. But help me understand. If you truly felt that you wanted to marry me, have kids, and spend the rest of your life with me, like you said, how can you. . something.. . And not finish what we started. Do you still intend to have that with me someday? Is your affection for him so much more than the love you had for me? Help me understand

Okay so you broke up with her because you needed time, but you thought that she loved you so much she would wait, but it back-fired, she got involved in what I consider a rebound relationship, and for now she wants to work it out with this guy.

You on the other hand are hurt it seems because of the fact she moved on and yet so quickly. Without warning, and I bet when you broke up with her you didn't think of the fact that she may find someone else. Here is the whole situation in a nutshell I know you guys love each other, but this is what you wanted your time, and now you must give her her time. Sure maybe she wants to be with you, but because she already knows what is was with you and maybe you can at anytime break up with her again and she may feel foolish for not giving this guy a shot.

It doesn't mean she don't love you, it's only fair. By you and her maintaining contact it is not allowing you or her to release yourself from each other. If you loved and care for her enough you would let her go.. If she returns then it was meant to be.

Listen I have to go but will be back to input on this situation..

thank you for your input . I kind of think you may be dead on about her not trusting me about a breakups...
a recent conversation:
me (2:46:51 PM): are you trying to get over me?
me (2:47:14 PM): honest question
her (2:47:56 PM): I'm not too sure how to answer it
her (2:48:22 PM): without sounding horrable
her (2:48:28 PM): to either of you
her (2:49:00 PM): I'm not trying to replace you to forget about you
her (2:49:10 PM): I am really happy with where I am
her (2:49:18 PM): you are two totally different people
me (2:50:14 PM): I think u live with him already. Do u love him?
her (2:53:37 PM): Do I love him?
her (2:53:46 PM): I've never asked myself that question
me (2:53:38 PM): because u still love me. So do you love him
her (2:54:25 PM): do you really need to know the answer to that question
her (2:54:32 PM): I love many things about him
me (2:54:09 PM): I'm just asking simply
her (2:54:51 PM): that's not a simply question to answer
her (2:54:55 PM): nor to think about
me (2:54:58 PM): so u love things about him but your not sure about him yet?
her (2:55:41 PM): its not really that easy to have this conversation with you
me (2:55:20 PM): I understand
me (2:55:22 PM): I digress
her (2:55:55 PM): these are the kind of things you hold against me
me (2:55:34 PM): not at all
me (2:56:13 PM): understanding u is helpingme and helping me understand your needs
me (2:56:20 PM): thatdoesnt make aANY sense
her (2:57:05 PM): LOL
her (2:57:10 PM): I read that line four times
her (2:57:15 PM): and I still don't get it
me (2:56:55 PM): me too 8x no sense whatesoever
me (2:57:50 PM): did u love me or just things about me?
me (2:58:22 PM): strike the word 'just'
her (2:59:16 PM): why are you doing this?
me (2:58:57 PM): I'm sorry
me (2:59:17 PM): forget it I am asking too much
her (2:59:58 PM): please don't get mad
me (2:59:38 PM): no problem
me (3:01:30 PM): I'm not holding anything against u at all
5 days nc...

If you have these huge feeling for her why did you let her go>:? I mean yea people do it but why? I would think she I scared acutally, I;m a girl I know what we think like... when we find out a recent or ex likes us still and we know we still like them, were scared and we run, we run to the nearest guy, so yea I would thinks a rebound, you should surprise her somehow flowers, candy, music, something SWEEP HER OFF HER FEET, if she's stuck on the ground wait till she walks then go take a walk with her

About your conversation, when she repeats something, she's lying, I don't think she loves him

Me (8:41:59 AM): were kind of moving apart
Her (8:42:55 AM): what?
Her (8:42:58 AM): I'm confussed
Me (8:42:58 AM): were losing touch with each other
Her (8:43:39 AM): umm, OK
Me (8:43:22 AM): and I'm just checking to make sure that's your intent
Her (8:44:16 AM): I'm not doing it on perpose, but I have been super busy and very sick
Her (8:44:24 AM): so I really don't have the extra time
Me (8:45:12 AM): are you frustrated with me?
Her (8:46:02 AM): no
Me (8:45:52 AM): do you ever miss me?
Her (8:47:46 AM): I had a really bad dream about you last night
Me (8:47:32 AM): what
Her (8:48:06 AM): I thought it really happened
Me (8:47:48 AM): ?
Her (8:48:25 AM): you died
Me (8:48:32 AM): I might disappear from your life because you don't love me anymore...
Her (8:49:05 AM): will you stop please
Me (8:48:45 AM): sorry
Me (8:48:56 AM): I don't like you dream
Her (8:49:55 AM): hell I didn't either
Her (8:50:20 AM): it was sad and it hurt
Me (8:51:58 AM): I think you have feelings but as much as I've come your way, I'm torn - don't be mad that I feel more that your just messing with my head
Her (8:52:45 AM): You make me feel bad for moving on, but you did some pretty scary things when we were broken up
Me (11:20:52 AM): (assuming your not always in with your guy) do you want me to disappear?
Her (11:23:24 AM): no, but I don't want to hear about what girl you are with and what you are doing with her
Her (11:23:43 AM): I said I would like to be friends with you
Me (11:23:22 AM): I don't want any othr girl but u
Me (11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still wish we worked out?
Her (11:24:32 AM): yes
Her (11:24:37 AM): but it didn't work out that way
Me (11:24:28 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you have come back too me if you hadent met him?
Her (11:25:22 AM): yes
Her (11:25:25 AM): probably
Me (11:26:10 AM): do you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place?
Her (11:26:42 AM): no
Me (11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
Her (11:29:59 AM): yes, but I don't know if that would happen
Her (11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
Her (11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
Me (11:29:48 AM): I understand
Me (11:33:10 AM): I wouldn't ask you to wait either (if I really loved you I would just go back to you)
Her (11:52:03 AM): When you broke up with me you forced me to get over you. And you can't say you weren't breaking up with me and only taking a break. I cried and cried on the phone with you. If you really felt that you weren't breaking up with me you would have fixed things then
Her (11:52:44 AM): so by you breaking up with me, you forced me to move on
Her (11:52:59 AM): even though you had other plans in your head, I had to move on
Her (11:55:45 AM): and now you make me feel guilty
Me (1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still miss us
Her (1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
Her (1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
Her (1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
Me (1:36:22 PM): I understand
Me (1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you want to reconcile us?
Her (1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
Me (1:37:07 PM): that's okay
Her (1:48:37 PM): does your councler know you still call and message me?
Her (1:48:44 PM): I'm just asking
Me (1:48:19 PM): yes
Her (1:48:51 PM): no pun intended
Her (1:48:54 PM): oh
Me (1:48:29 PM): is there a reason
Her (1:49:08 PM): no
Her (1:49:11 PM): just asking
Me (1:48:52 PM): they know you pretty well
Her (1:49:25 PM): oh nice
Me (1:49:05 PM): in a good way
Her (1:49:37 PM): they probably think I am a huge biotch
Me (1:49:14 PM): nope
Sorry this is in pieces there's so much of it

BTW, I sent her flowers@ work because it was a rainy day/she was sick/above all I wanted to put a big smile on her face -HER INTERPRETATION: I sent her flowers because I was being spiteful she was happy with her new guy friend.

Okay, I read some of your messages to each other... You may know in your heart that she wants you back but you have to respect what she is telling you. Move on! That doesn't mean you have to get in a rebound relationship to get back at her...

From my experience with relationships usually but not in all cases men often breakup with women when they need space, usually to be more with their friends or to see other people.. When they realize that they made a mistake often want to come back as if nothing ever happened. This poor girl probably was devastated and finally got over you.. She gave you your time and you must give her time...

But I must say this if you start dating someone else and she hears about it she will contact you saying how hurt she is don't fall for it,. She wants control over the situation and as long as she knows you will wait for her she will keep some form of contact with you just in case it doesn't work out with this guy...

Just be happy live life... A break-up is not the end of the world but the beginning of a new life!! Give her space and don't try so hard... If it was meant to be then it will be...

Good Luck!

I think you're very right. She wrote this...
Her (11:52:03 AM): When you broke up with me you forced me to get over you. And you can't say you weren't breaking up with me and only taking a break. I cried and cried on the phone with you. If you really felt that you weren't breaking up with me you would have fixed things then
Her (11:52:44 AM): so by you breaking up with me, you forced me to move on
Her (11:52:59 AM): even though you had other plans in your head, I had to move on
Her (11:55:45 AM): and now you make me feel guilty

I've asked her if she loved me why wouldn't she come back?
That's her response... I'm trying so hard to move on but I don't want to. Is there any chance that this time she needs will be healing for her to come back? I know shs very happy right now th her new partner butis it only temporary? She said she fould want to reconcile but she can't because she's very happy right now. Is that typical rebound response or is she getting seriously involved? Irealize I messsed up and gave her time to only naturally get involved with someone(so fast though) but I would be willing to come back to her. Am I being too hopeful. I really am going nuts over this. Is there anything I can do? She told meearly on that she needed time. Time for what though? To get over me? Help me get this one back please.. iss she acting typical of a rebounding girl. I mean she's so cold and mean to me. She says that I was mean to her and I did bad things to her and that all of our memories were pretty much all bad memories!! I realize people marry bandaids (rebounds) that's my worrry... thank so much! You're really helping me

Well, if you truly truly love her and what I am about to say may sound cliché, but you will want her to be happy if it is with or without you! Your more worried about your happiness and more so that someone else is making her happy and you regret letting her go. As hard as it will be to let her go you have too, it will be hard but as days go by it will get easier and better... By you waiting for her life is passing you by. She made it very clear she is happy, let her be happy and you deserve to be happy too, As I stated if it is meant to be then it will be. But give her, her space... You can't force someone to be with you and don't be too pushy you can be push her away and loose her forever...
Just put your seatbelt on because these next few days won't be easy, but everyday gets better and you will look back and laugh at yourself... it's totally normal to feel the way you feel!

I hope I helped.

I'm doing nc but I don't know what will happen...
Should I say ANYTHING to her?
'do you want me to move on?'
Can I make a promise/ commitment to never be apart from her again. i.e. engagement even!! I AM ready for that...
Again, before I broke up with her she was absolutely CRAZY about me. I can't see her changing her feelings about getting married and kids and stuff... she's so stubborn now

I really don't know what more to say you seem persistent in convincing her that you are the one.. even after she told you what she felt... It is possible to be crazy about someone but that doesn't mean we have to be with them... Do what you want but don't harrass her, because you will then mess up any chances of ever reconciling with her...

Personally I think you should move on... But that is my opinion, I read her messages, she seems like she can't leave this guy... If she rejects your engagement it will only add salt to the wound,, and then what will you do?? You have to let her be...

Engagement is no promise either..

I know I'm being persistent -im sorry. And I worry that she thinks I yelled at her and got got crazy since I've been trying to reconcile. She even said she thought for a moment she would change her number and she blocked my AIM account. I've never been this low in my life and she got a sense of it. She's got all the power right now and its never been like this between us before.
When we broke up she had time to get over me. She found someone. Then I tried to come back. She rejected me. Does she need more time? Or has she already HAD her time to move on?
Do you get a sense that she could be in just a temporary relationship? Or not...
Do you think: "would you come back? -> you know i would" was bs?

I don't want to sugar coat anything and I am giving you my honest opinion, Let her go! Of course she needs more time, otherwise she would have ran back into your arms, she needs to stand behind her decision, and with you being sooo insisting your clouding her judgement.. Don' tmake her hate you.. . Relax, live, love, smile. It's not the end of the world, in fact as I said it will get better day by day... Respect her wishes if you love her... I don't really know how long it will take her to decide but your only giving her a short time, when you want her to decide, its not fair..

Love and release... You will love again... She may or may not come back but prepare yourself mentally... Do something productive...

You're so fast. Thank you so much. I hate just being hopeful but I know that her two prior bfs broke up with her for the same reason I did. Because she was clingy I guess. Maybe she will do it again to this one. I don't even know if she's worth taking back now because she chose someone over me. It's kind of ruined the bond, has it not? I mean a breakup is one thing but getting involved with someone else is another... is that a fair assessment? Or should I be understanding that she needed to move on and because she became involved maybe she can't come back? (yet)
Thanks again for taking the time out of your day. Ill stop bugging everyone...

Information only...


But I must say this if you start dating someone else and she hears about it she will contact you saying how hurt she is don't fall for it,... She wants control over the situation and as long as she knows you will wait for her she will keep some form of contact with you just in case it doesn't work out with this guy...

Her response to finding out that I met someone sparked some immediate jealous questions, her crying , and the following email:

Her email titled "good luck to you" RECEIVED [10/23]
I called your phone a few hours ago and it had nothing to do with you being with another girl. I knew you weren't going to answer your phone, but that was the last time you are going to see my cell number pop up on your cell. I really wish you answered, but I'm sure you got the crazy voice mail from Optomus Prime. I wanted to end off on a funny note.

I have to be completely honest with you; I can't be your friend... at least not right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm glad you are going out with girls and dating, but I really don't want to hear about it. You were the one I wanted to marry and have babies with (you have been the only one that I have felt that way about... EVER!) I really don't want to hear about how you are moving on, hents why I don't like to tell you what's going on in my life. Its not easy to hear therefore I don't want to share it with you. (I never wanted to say anything that would make you sad or cry) I have to admit you made me cry today at work. I had to leave my desk and one of the attorneys followed me outside and asked if I was all right. That's great you are dating a few girls, but you know that I fell hard for you and then you were gone and I was dealing with it alone. I'm in no way asking you to wait for me, I would never ask that of you, but please don't think I am jaded or an unforgiving person. You know I tried very hard to keep US together. The relationship I am in right now made me realize I shouldn't have to work to make the relationship work... and it really makes me sad about you and me. But then again the hard work was worth the year we were together. You know you had my heart and yes you will always have a piece of it. It has been bruised and scared, but I am now looking at them as a learning experience.

I hope nothing but the best for you in life and your career... I have always felt that way. You know I have love for you and that will not change, but I'm not in the situation to be in love with you. I hope this does not upset you in any way...

Hey maybe you may want to thank god that you broke up with her... If she is clingy this could begin to annoy you again, and then you may want your space again... You don't know... Funny you miss her now that you don't have her, but maybe when you get her you won't feel the same.. This is usually the case once you break up with someoene and try to reconcile it is very different and often result in a breakup immediately after.. So let her go... SHe is living with this guy, she rejected you... Lets say she does get back with you you would constantly bring this up and resulting in fights.. so why are you bothering?? Leave her alone and be happy!

You're probably right and I understand what ouere saying. I can't explain it but I miss her so much.
Her grandfather passed away 1 year ago yesterday. Should I have called her to console her? I told her in our last conversation I was here if she needed a shoulder to cry on.
Should I ask her if she'll meet for coffee or anything?
Day 6 nc
What does that letter 2 posts up mean? It goes in a circle...

All I want say is:
I miss you. I now your so happy now. But you were happy before with me. I'm in agony. Why can't we both be happy? Together

Do u still ever think about us getting married and having kids? Do u ever think that u still want that?
I still break down everyday

I know you miss her but by you keep contacting her it's going to make it harder to deal with the more she rejects you, you should let her go.

I know I have to wait... its been 1 week since we spoke
Is she bsing me or keepng me on the line with this:

me(11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still wish we worked out?
her(11:24:32 AM): yes
me(11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
her(11:29:59 AM): yes, but I dont know if that would happen
her(11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
her(11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
me(1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still miss us
her(1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
her(1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
her(1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
me(1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would u want to reconcile us?
her(1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
meassuming you wernt with yur guy) would u come back to me?
her:I already answered that
her: you know I would

Stop reading too much into it, I miss people that I don't want to be with especially if I had a relationship with them, I think about people, that doesn't mean I want to be with them, I think about my ex-husband sometimes miss him.. DO I want him back NO! Don't read into it too much, she may still love you but is not IN LOVE WITH YOU, that is a difference.. Move on... Change your number, don't call her for any reason, don't make an excuse to contact her. Let her be happy. She is saying she can't leave this guy... she won't leave him don't wait around, your going to hurt yourself more. Stop... The chase is always better than the catch! And besides what if she did leave this guy to go back to you again then now you will be a rebound!

I'm seriously going crazy. I can't stop. She's never coming back is she? I've done too much damage? I didn't realize what I had and I pushed it away. She's happy everyday f ing someone else and I wake up to nightmares everyday. Yellng and sobbering all the time

Listen, please hun relax you will be all right as time passes but because you keep contacting her you keep opening up feelings and hurting yourself.. Just keep busy, I am not saying that she may never come back I am going by what she is telling you for now.. In the meantime you need to live your life. Okay so you made a mistake.. We are all guilty of making mistakes, in fact it is the learning process... Stop beating yourself up for it. Where are your friends? Where is your support? You need to change your atmosphere and do something productive and interact with people, so that you can be happy.. Don't contact her anymore because you can diminesh any feelings she has left for you. SO please I tell you stay strong and stop going crazy, Breath, take care of yourself, Troubles don't last all ways!!

Okay so I told her a few weeks back that I was happy, she was happy, and I was doing well because I went on a few dates. She cried and sent me an email. Did I push her even further? Is there anything I can say to retract that or convince her that I am SO COMMITTED to her..!

No I think you are going to push her away if you keep trying to convince her that you are the one for her, she still needs to decide that without you insisting you are the one! Date! I am telling you do not wait for her... Or don't date but just do something productive either way... Don't tell her about you dating either if she happens to hear it and contact you there is nothing to talk about. She is going to keep stringing you along making you feel worst.. Right now you don't see the good in this situation but everything happens for a reason..

Last week, her mom wrote me an email:
So sorry you are hurt. But you need to stop with [my ex] you are freaking her out and pushing her away I don't know if she will ever come back to you but your actions lately are not helping. Maybe she needs space for now I don't know. Take care.

Couplle days later my ex wrote: "I know you just had surgery and I hope everything went well. I hope you have a speedy recovery."

OKAY OKAY IM GIVING SPACE... TIME / NC

It sucks feeling so compelled to fix things.
Fr instance, I could give justification: I broke up because I needed my independence before we jumped into long term. I would never make the mistake of being apart from you again. But it was a necessary step in creating us, for the long road...

No justification.. listen I am trying to help you before you become a mental mess over this woman, I am giving you my honest opinion, but you seem insisting on making excuses to talk to her there is no justification. Do you know if you keep harassing her your going to mess up any chances of ever getting back with her. So Relax, and don't blame her if you are willing to wait for her, That is your decision, You have control over your own happiness not her or anyone else..

I know your right. But its hell dealing with such a disastrous mistake... I appreciate your understanding so much more than you know
Was her mom hinting at me?
You can see how robotic my ex's get well soon was...

Well... You have to start healing and you can't if you keep contacting her, Listen if mom begans to dislike you then your chances are really going to be harder.. Just let her go. In time, you will find the right person for you. It gets better. I see her get well message it was nothing special about it, she didn't do any long talking... I really suggest you leave her alone... Hang out with some friends.. do something.

Should I occasionally say hello to her. Very simple... nothing more. Just to look like I'm still a friend?

I wonder if this has a special exception... for NC
Her birthday is on the 15th. (11/15)
>>> REMEMBER: I broke up with her... she is seeing someone else. She said she loved me and would come back but is involved <<< but I would be BREACHING NC
She hasn't reached out in 7 days. And I initiate pretty much all corresponence...
Is there special consideration for my circumstance??
Should I:
Send nothing /do nothing
Send a card with my name
Send a card containing a dvd I made 2 months ago (its a slideshow of our pictures and her favorite "our" song) . Could tickle an emotion...
Text her / phone / other?