I don't know if this means anything, lately my ex (works at the same place) been giving me a funny vibe. She moved to our department(3 weeks back), so I get to see her more often now. I catch her sneeking peeks at me and then turns away quickly, giving me smiles once too many. Saying hi more then before. Just a week back she called to say hi and see what I was up to. I took that as she wanted to know what I was up to and nothing more. I don't know what to make of it. I don't want to read too much into it. Any clues on what's really going on?.

It could be she's just trying to be friendly, or she's trying to get close to you again. If you get a chance to have a coffee break together, just ask her, if you are on 'speaking terms' and have no hard feelings towards each other. It's either that or she's wondering what you feel about her being there and too shy to ask. If your position at work is not threatened by her job, then I would risk it and just plain talk to her, after all we are all only human. Good luck.

Go somewhere private, but not intimate (if that makes sense), and just ask her. What do you have to lose? You didn't mention why y'all broke up or how long you were together (or apart), but if it didn't work before because of a BIG issue, tread lightly and be cautious. If it's been awhile, like, years, and you think the two of you have grown up a bit and could iron out any small wrinkles that caused the breakup the first time, then maybe there's a future. But if it were over something big, trust me, if it didn't work the first time, it won't work the second. Good luck!

"Go somewhere private, but not intimate (if that makes sense), and just ask her."

I think that's a BIG mistake. Big - woman don't want that. They want mystery, a challenge. You break all that. WOMAN DON'T think in logic - that's logical and you WILL kill all attraction she is building. You throw your cards on the table and you're done.

You need to tease her, make fun of her - show your indifference towards her. Like you don't care about the out come.

Show your true feelings guys and your DONE!! No question. Woman dfon't want that sick, soft, sensitive guy - NEVER.

AND take your time with this - let it play out - no pressure on her. None. If you want her back take your time.

It's obvious... she's feeling you out. She wants to know how you feel about her but she's not going to say it. That would be dumb, it's called pursuing a man... we do it from time to time but only when we are confident enough about ourselves that we know we won't be rejected. I can't tell you what to do in this case because I'm not sure what it is that you want from her or what it is that you are expecting.

Yes, women do like mystery, I can't dispute that. Please don't throw your cards on the table just yet, it takes the fun out of her trying to see if she can get you back or not.

It's not that we women don't know what we want, sometimes we don't know if we want it or not until we get it... If that makes any sense.

There is still another question out there... Forgot to ask if you or she have new relationships - and if so how would they feel about this all. Look at the whole picture. I'm a woman and have been hurt a few times also, and I got my REVENGE (even after waiting a few years), so I know how this can blow out of proportion. But talking with one to get things cleared would be better than losing sleep and continuously wondering as it might cause stress at work and we all need our jobs. You've got a life to live - with or without her. Again, Good Luck. ;)

It's obvious...she's feeling you out. She wants to know how you feel about her but she's not going to say it. That would be dumb, it's called pursuing a man...we do it from time to time but only when we are confident enough about ourselves that we know we won't be rejected. I can't tell you what to do in this case because I'm not sure what it is that you want from her or what it is that you are expecting.

Yes, women do like mystery, i can't dispute that. please don't throw your cards on the table just yet, it takes the fun out of her trying to see if she can get you back or not.

It's not that we women don't know what we want, sometimes we don't know if we want it or not until we get it...If that makes any sense.


She is the type of person, that makes sure she puts herself in a position where she won't get rejected.
When we first got together (been together for two years), she showed that she was interested in me, but never acutaly said it or made it clear to me. I was the one who first made my feelings clear to her. She later told me that, she was nervous about making her feelings clear to me, because she was afraid of rejection.

This time around, she must be more nervous, because she is the one that left me (almost 4 months ago). Maybe she is afraid that I might still have hard feelings over the breakup and I might not want her back.

So my point is that she will never make the first move. She'll play around the bush, until I do.

For what I want, yes some part of me wants to get back with her, but I really really hurt by the breakup. I'm afraid that she might just do it again, if we ever get back together.
I also believe in second chances, and forgiving and forgeting.

I have no plans of putting all my cards on the table. I'll be patient.

Anymore advise? Keep it coming please.

You can wait for more advice, or you can make a move, depending on whether you want to sleep well at night and stop wondering. You should go and get an answer, one way or the other. Then you can take it from there. Let us know about your progress and don't just stand there... Good Luck.

Hope it helps!

Heartache IS avoidable.

You put too much importance into this - you need OTHER things in your life ALWAYS!! Women are PART of your life - NOT your life - remember that always!! Never forget that!!

When you are busy with friends, family, work, WORKOUTS, school, religion, HOBBIES, etc. - she WILL know you are a man and that she can feel safe tha tyou Won't make her your world - women hate that!!

I think again, you put too much importance in this - she's kind of hijacked your brain. Not good.

See when you put a woman a head of you, all these avoidable problems occur.

Take your time with this - AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOOD!! DON'T SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH HER!! PLEASE!!

I have to say that I do agree with wildcat. She sounds a little wishy washy to me but most of us are that way. She thought she wanted the break up, she got it and now she is not real sure if she done the right thing. Since you don't really have a clue as to what bag she might come out of next, play it slow and easy. As chery said, ask her out for lunch and see where the conversation goes. I wouldn't advise you to tell her that you miss her and want her back, that would put your heart on your sleeve and open up the door for hurt. If you are dating someone else, don't stop. I wouldn't stop dating anyone on the account of this young lady. Just start as friends to be on the safe side and see where it goes. But don't share your true feelings just yet!

"I wouldn't advise you to tell her that you miss her and want her back"

Yes! Please don't tell her that. Too many people here tell others to do that. You put your heart on your sleeve and YOU ARE DONE - especially early. Give her the mystery she craves!!

Just take it easy and see where it goes.

I'm so nervous about even asking her for coffie or lunch. I don't know what she really wants (she seems to giving me mixed signels) she seems interested but never makes it clear. Since she is the one that left me, it is only right she makes the first move (that is only if she wants to get back together). I don't want to open myself to get hurt. But knowing her nature she expects me to make the first move as expainled in my previous posts.

I hate being stuck in this situation. I need to go about this, without being hurt. When she dumped me, that hurt like crazy and I don't think I can handle it this time around.

Now that she works in the same dept, I see more often, and yes sometimes it does bring back some of the pain. I think to myself, if she does not want to get back together, then I don't think I can handle being her friend, or seeing her around at the office too often.


I'm playing it cool and all. Never shared my feelings. Maybe that is why she does not want to make her move, because she is unsure of my feelings for her( I'm good at hiding my feelings, if I want to).

Any more advise.

Take it easy!! She is not a stranger or anything, you know this woman remember?

She want's to see you on a more than friendship level. Take my word for it.

Ask her to lunch and just be easy about it. Take it slow, talk as friends, not ex lovers.
She is not going to make it clear to you that she may want to see you again because she screwed up, she hurt you, she knows it, and she is not really sure exactly how you feel about her since she is the one who dumped you. You may reject her. Remember, she is protecting herself right now also. She may want to see you again to see if she made a mistake, get involved with you again, decide it wasn't right and back out again. Keep that in mind too.

Just take it slow. Most importantly, BE FRIENDS FIRST!!
Casually joke with her and tell her that you noticed her checking you out, warm her up to you all over again, and remind her why she ever loved you in the first place. If you want solid proof of what her motives are, make her feel comfortable enough to open up. Don't talk about the break up, try and stay clear of that subject totally! Do not come off as you are still hurt, and upset. Make her believe that that is the past, you have moved on and you are over it. That will put her at ease of any hard feelings you may have.

You can do this. You have the advantage because you know her intamately and personally. You know how to put her at ease and you know how to make her feel comfortable. That is the key to getting a woman to open up. Put her mind at ease.

It all sounds to me that after the breakup, she had expected you to reflect and grow and is checking to see if you did so. From what you said about 'acting' you did not learn much, and still wonder why she left you in the first place. Well, try and write down what you think you did right and what you think you did wrong (you, not her), as for every action there is a reaction, and she reacted by leaving you, so there's a hint. If you have had other relationships since then, and they did not go any further or they no longer exist, then you really need to do an attitude check on yourself. Wondering and asking for advice when you are not sure about yourself, is not going to help you much. If it's reassurance you seek, then you need to get that from yourself too, not strangers who don't get the 'whole picture'. Get to like yourself before requesting this of others. Good Luck in introducing yourself to YOU!

It all sounds to me that after the breakup, she had expected you to reflect and grow and is checking to see if you did so. From what you said about 'acting' you did not learn much, and still wonder why she left you in the first place. Well, try and write down what you think you did right and what you think you did wrong (you, not her), as for every action there is a reaction, and she reacted by leaving you, so there's a hint. If you have had other relationships since then, and they did not go any further or they no longer exist, then you really need to do an attitude check on yourself. Wondering and asking for advice when you are not sure about yourself, is not going to help you much. If it's reassurance you seek, then you need to get that from yourself too, not strangers who don't get the 'whole picture'. Get to like yourself before requesting this of others. Good Luck in introducing yourself to YOU!.


What?? (sorry the post was to short so I had to add more questions marks)

Good luck dear

It's simple. She's checking to see if you learned anything from the past. Have you asked yourself why she broke up with you the first time. Check it out. Your nervousness is a sign that you are scared of rejection. Was that short enough?

It's simple. She's checking to see if you learned anything from the past. Have you asked yourself why she broke up with you the first time. Check it out. Your nervousness is a sign that you are scared of rejection. Was that short enough?


That is my whole point, I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of being hurt. Is it not normal to feel that way? I hate to make my feelings clear to her and just be turned down. It will hurt like crazy.
For God sakes, we were together for two years, we planned to marry each other. We loved each other. True love. I know some of you will say, if she loved you so much then why did she leave you. All I know for sure is that she left me and in my wildes dreams I never expected her to do that.
We were really close. But in the end that did not matter.

Trust me I've learned a lot from the breakup.What is puzzling is the fact you haven't a clue about what on between us and yet you judge me.

All I can say to you, is take it easy.

Please do not get me wrong, I judge nobody. My intent there was to give you 'food for thought'. I'm over 50 and 'been there, done that', so I know that we all make mistakes. But if we don't take the time to reflect back once in a while we don't learn from our past mistakes. That's what I meant. And you stating that you did learn from them should help you give her the information she's seeking right now. What she probably wants to know is if you have changed and learned from the past and if you are still interested in her. Otherwise she would not give you so many signals. Try writing a letter to her, even if you never send it, then read it yourself again, and see if you can pick up on what her reaction to that letter would be. Bounce it off on another female friend and ask her advice. Make a list of your current pros and cons that you still plan to work on, like gaining self-confidence for one. None of us is born with knowing it all, we learn as we go along life's path. Good Luck to you. P.S. You can even 'bounce it off' on me through a private message. Also check up on my profile and see my past answers, especially the one about 'a woman needing space and why'. If you can't find it, PM me any time. :)

Thanks chery, sorry for my reaction. You've given me sound advise.

That's OK. I sometimes don't express myself they way you are used to, but I do mean well and NEVER put anyone down, or judge them. I try to give people different points of view to look at to help find 'themselves' as I have myself had extensive therapy and studied psychology after that so that I could help others as I have been helped. Good Luck to you. So, you cold say I'm a 'Jackie of all trades' sort of. :D

When I just thought she was warming up to me. I don't think she wants to get back with me. It is just this vibe all of a sudden I get from her.

Besides she seems more interested in this other guy at work.

Why would she act like she was interested in me in the last few weeks and then nothing?

I feel like right now. I know when to just give up hoping. I knew it was too good to be true.
What do you guys think? I need a women's perspective. Could I be wrong about my vibes?


PS. If you guys are wondering, I played it easy and cool. I teased her and just talked as friends. She seemed to like it. I never relived my feelings to her.

She just might have been waiting for you to reveal your feelings, or kept you on the sideline just in case she did not 'land' with the other guy, Anything is possible with relationships. You'll find the right one for you some day, until then, try and treat all with respect and don't put us all in one barrel. Good Luck and look ahead. We all gain something even from negative experiences, just don't let it make you bitter. Keep us posted.

Chery could be right. Women do seek out attention from other men "when all else fails".

I can't say for sure that this could be the case but sometimes men do get mixed signals from women. In a few cases, I have casually talked or joked with a male co-worker or friend and some how or another they took it as "she want's me." Just be easy, don't be bitter, some of us do "get away" but when that happens, just throw the line out there and get back at it.

Hope this helps

I know what you're saying letmeno and chery. I swear I was getting the vibe that she was some how interested in me again. It was a gut feeling. But now I don't get that anymore.

I know for sure this other guy for sure is interested in her. And maybe she is in him.The funny thing is that I remember biggining of last week she was saying how nice and friendly this guy was (it was like she was trying to get me jealous and maybe make my move). And still after that she still showed that she was interested in me(the whole of last week). Some how I've been getting nothing from her these few last days.

Don't share your feelings! Be busy. Cut the contact down a lot.

"if you guys are wondering, I played it easy and cool. I teased her and just talked as freinds. She seemed to like it. " - keep that up. NO Pressure ON HER, br the fun guy.

Don't worry about other guys. Woman WILL test you ane see if you're jealous. My gal early on started talking about other guys - I just said I have two other gals I am deciding on as well - that shut her up. And then I said I don't care about any other guy you're interested in - don't tell me that stuff again.

It's all tests - if you learn about woman's tests you're way ahead of the game.

WHY are you talking with her every day at thispoint?? WHY?? WHY??

I think you've put too much importance in this one gal. Not good for business. See, when you put a woman ahead of yourself you create heartache. There are other things in life - work, school, workouts, friends, family, hobbies - all are equal importance. She is part of your life. Not your life.

Boy Wildcat, you must have been hurt real bad by some woman in your past! Where do you meet your women,and how can you live with yourself being such a negative individual? There is a lot you need to work out yet and I'm not sure that even you know where to start.

Jealousy is a green monster that eats you up inside. Those that try to make others jealous are insecure themselves. Why encourage other impressionable men to be so negative about life, just because you have a problem to solve within?

Life puts you through enough tests as it is so there is no need to 'test' each other further or be bitter over a few mistakes for the rest of your life. The only thing you know about women is the experience you've had with them and your reactions. Just as we all - for every action there is a reaction, positive or negative. But if we don't learn from it and go on then bitterness takes over and riuns things for you and those you have relationships with.

With all the things that have happened to me in my life, before I was even born, I should be a vindicative, man-hating witch with a capital 'B'. But I also see the good in people and the hopes and fears they have, and come to realize that it does no good at all to be bitter and let things eat me up inside. I've learned a lot in my life and know how rough it can be, but I try to help others overcome their bitterness and hatred. We can't change others, only ourselves, and pass on what we learned in hopes they don't suffer as we did. That's the only thing we can do, is to present alternatives and encouragement.
Lately however, all your alternatives have been so negative that it would be painful to physically be around you. 'Heartache' is part of life no matter what age, just as happiness is, otherwise we would not be able to tell the difference and grow.

No person is 100% perfect, be they male or female and influence has a lot to do with gaining the confidence we all need to go on. Otherwise we could all jump off a cliff every time something does not go exactly as we expect it to. Or take our ball out of the court and go home.. Kids do that, not adults.
One life is talking with her ever day at this point because he works in the same workplace, and is still optimistic about life. We really don't have any right to take that away from him. And, unfortunately no body is ever ahead of the game, as you put it because every one is different and some don't look at this as a 'game' - thank goodness.
Plus, a relationship is not a business or a deal up for negotiation. If it were, then there would be less emotion, and more houses of ill-repute (for both sexes) and less children except those that are produced out of rape, and raised by single parents who teach bitterness, not love for one another. Ergo, there would be no need for 'friends' or family either.
Yes, there are other things in life, but in my opinion there is nothing better than being held in warmth, the knowledge that someone cares and will be there for me, and being able to comfort him when needed. It is no fun at all being lonely, despite hobbies, workouts, etc. It is sharing and caring that's important to me and most others. That is what makes us human.
Animals take care of 'business' to procreate and fight to be the 'leader of the pack' without emotions, where the females chose them for their partners, but it's in their nature, not our's. OK, now I'm off the soapbox, it's someone else's turn.

Sorry hun. Not bitter at all. I just know what women want. Most guys don't know how to behave around women. I don't teach mean.

Women Don't want a soft, sentive, clingy/needy, nice, agreeable guy - ever. You want guys with a spine, who has their own life. A guy who calls them 5 times a day to check up on them.

And WOMEN TEST MEN UNTIL THE DAY THE DIE. Always and forever.

He needs to learn how to deal with woman - heartache is avoidable.

Your post pretty much proved my point.

The caring part comes later. He needs to PROVE he is a man and can live with her or without her. This guy needs to change. He doesn't have her and he is KILLING all her attraction in him. She is most likely just as bummed out about as him.

It's funny because I get a lot of this - women telling me I am wrong and then the guy the go for is acts the right way. I am sure you want some guy who is a lap dog that you can walk all over? Go for the soft sensitive guy who puts you on a pedestal and tell me how that works for you and your feelings? Ok?

He has to show has a spine and can stand up to her.


My gal loves me because I don't put up with her crap (all women do tests), tease her, treat her well, never mean, bust on her, I am passionate about her, we long conversations, arguments, get alone great.

Good for you WC if you are happy. I don't want a lap dog, got a cat for that, his picture is in my profie. But I don't want a whuss(sp) or 'caveman' either. I have one that's in between and am quite comfortable with him despite his chauvy attitude sometimes. I've gone from wife-beaters to crybabies and I know what I want now, but did not before - it's all a learning process . I'm certain each 'pot' finds his/her 'lid' eventually.

If you got a sec to spare, I want to tell you a short story. I dated a guy for almost 3 years. It went well between us, but we ended up breaking up, he wanted it, not me. I went on with my life, all was well and then we ran into each other again. Seven years later. I had matured, womanhood agreed with me and so did he.
To make a long story short, I toyed with him. Just to see if I could get him to go there, just to see if he was still intrested in me. Of course I went on a date with him to see if there was anything salvagable between us, to see if we could be friends, to see if there was any feelings for him left, to see if there was any chemistry between us @ all. I knew he had a girl and I wanted to see if he was still the lying cheating dog that he always had been, yup! He was!
To make a short story even shorter, I was just testing the waters to see for myself what it was that I ever saw in him, if he still had feelings for me, and I was curious to know had he learned anything in the past seven years. When my curiosity was put to ease, I simply vanished on him into thin air. I briefly dated him again out of curiosity. Some of it was about him, but most of it was about me!
Yes, it is true, we do test men... quite often as a matter of fact.
Just take the situation for what it is... a friendship. Until this girl makes up her mind if she wants you or the other guy, keep conversations short and simple. Joke with her, laugh with her but keep it simple.

You also confused dating with a relationship.

He doesn't have relationship. He is TRYING to win her back and BEHAVE properly. He seems reall soft and sensitive. Evict the inner Wuss - no women wants that,

He ouzes soft.

"I was always careful about not dissapionting her." Reall bad for business. Real bad. You need a spine and an opinion. I am sure you always worried not to uposet her - here is a little secret - women LIKE to get mad and angry sometimes - it WILL happen - the ycan't control it. If she feels she can't get upset with you - she will leave. It's called feelings and emotions.

You SHOULD do your own things!

"Yes, it is true, we do test men....quite often as a matter of fact."

Guys need to learn about woman's tests or they WILL lose.

Once you're int the relationship for a long time you can go a little soft, but still keep the mystery.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. - Your gal can have you. Get it?

THAT WHICH IS CHASED RUNS!! Quit the chasing so much.

Be busy when she tries to talk. Stop being ga love sick puppy.

To one life: listen to your 'gut feelings' they are usually messages from loved ones who have passed away and are still protective of you (I have 3 and always listen, as when I don't, things go wrong). Stand tall and 'fail' her test.. She made a choice a while back and hurt you - therefore you might not be able to forgive her for that and the relationship will not work if you have any doubts at all. Gain your self-confidence back (throw away those 'mixed feelings') and go on with your life. Some of us women DON'T play 'games' anymore, as they get very tired after a while and take too much energy. Keep us posted and Good Luck in finding the right one. There is also nothing wrong with doing those little things to show your appreciation, but you have to have a positive response to them too. That's only fair. If a woman can't show her appreciation, she's not worth it, and vice-versa.

To letmeno: Good for you, you also went through enough and have learned to know what you want. This helps you give good advice. I tried to rate you,but it would not let me, so here's my 'public' :cool: to you!

Little 'spats' to me are not games or tests, they keep things alive and are fun, especially the making-up while the heartrate is still high. And if there is no humor or mystery (as WC says) . Things get 'dry' and old.

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

Just be yourself. Apparently it did work so far. If you really want her, and will not throw her past at her at every opportunity, then converse with her about common interest, the job, and watch for more signals. Young people still feel the need to 'play games' and if you want to stay in this game, then even ask her out to a movie, etc. If she agrees, you are one step further. Tell you the truth, I'm glad I am out of the 'game playing' court. It's never easy and there is no 'rule book' in any relationship. You just have to 'feel' your way through, and might fall down, but when that happens please pick yourself up and go on. Those 'what if' and 'but when' thoughts will always be there for us all - sometimes our choices are right, sometimes wrong, they are all part of gaining experiences and learning from them.
***My rule on relationships at the workplace differ from others, I never started any and am glad I did not as no matter what comes out of them, the stress is still there and distracts from work. Good Luck to you. Hope you 'win'..

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?


Yes, keep @ it. I know exactly how you feel. To see someone everyday, and not really know what to do about it, sneaking peeks and trying not to make it obvious. I guess this type of thing would be a piece of cake for me because I'm a hard a** but this will work.

Personally, I WOULD NOT CHASE HER - that which is chased RUNS!! DON'T BE pursuing her at all. Don't ask her out, don't ask her to do things for now.

BE HAPPY, BE BUSY, HAVE EXCITING THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE, GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS A LOT, I highly recommend working out - maybe that being running, health clubs, etc. - GET NEW HOBBIES

IF She sees a change in you she will come back. Be good to her. Listen to her. Don't do things for her - no buying lunch or flowers etc.

DATE!!

RULE #1 - learn about woman and relationships. Do you hear me? Learn about woman and relatinships. Guys are clueless at this and woman eat them a live.

Go to www.askmen.com and read every article on dating NOW!

Go to www.love-tacics.com and read ALL the free articles - especially on win back - IT will save 1 million mistakes.

Hi wildcat.. Love, you seem to be putting on the same record lately. Check your CAPS and change it around a bit. We get your drift though. And like he said before, he already tried the 'cool' part and it worked, now he's interested in the next step.

TTFN, Chery

That is the next step. This is going to take time. She is isn't going to rush into his arms anytime soon. He still seems a little soft and unsure of himself. Women can smell that a mile a way. I know weight lifting gave me all the confidence in the world.

:) I'm glad you don't use 'arnie' as a forum name. I like wildcat better, although you'd probably do better than him in politics.;)

What's wrong with the Govenator? He has all the confidence in the world!

Have to agree w/ wildcat on this one. Although myself personally, I wouldn't give in to this game, partly because I know it, and mostly because I don't have the time of day for it. Game recognizes game. But with women being driven mostly by emotions, it almost makes it an irresitable game to play. Chery, you have to admit that us women love attention, and will seek it at all cost. Wildcat, how many times have you been out to a club or bar, and saw some scantily dressed female dancing all over the place and hanging all over every guy in the club? You see it just about every time you go for a night out on the town. Although this is BAD attention, it is still attention none the less. Women like to be pursued just as much as a man does.

My firm advise would be to keep her @ arms length until she decides what the heck it is that she want's. Keep your attention span short with her. If she is not showing any signs of being intrested in you, do not show any signs of being intrested in her. Sooner than later, you will find out rather or not this is a dead end.

What's wrong with the Govenator? He has all the confidence in the world!
Nothing is wrong with him, typical man who does not keep any of his promises, and a darned good actor, and hmm, if I remember correctly, there was another Austrian in history... Subject closed.

" us women love attention" - always - you're getting it. She doesn't deserve your attention right now.

Remember - with interest level early on - your interest level should always be less than theirs. Always - if you feel your level getting to high - pull back.

Yeah - those woman ARE NOT the woman you want to hang with. She'll always flirt with everyone, never grow up, and drive you crazy.

But, A lot of woman dress for other woman - they try to out do each other.

"Alot of women dress for other women, try to out do each other"

They want to look better than the next woman... To get the most attention. Very true!

" us women love attention" - always - you're getting it. She doesn't deserve your attention right now.

Remember - with interest level early on - your interest level should always be less than theirs. Always - if you feel your level getting to high - pull back.

Yeah - those woman ARE NOT the woman you want to hang with. She'll always flirt with everyone, never grow up, and drive you crazy.

But, A lot of woman dress for other woman - they try to out do each other.
OK what do you mean 'us women' I never had to shake my rear or boobs to get attention. I got it because you guys can't see beyond your eyes, and usually have too much wax in the ears and too much testosterone between, etc, etc, etc... let's stop stereotyping each other and we'll all be better off. After all, we are here to advise and encourage, not discourage the younger generation. I'm trying to be nice, but sometimes you make my claws come out. Behave! ""Interest level should be less""" and '''pull back''' is really making my imagination go wild, Shame on you, you're making me blush... :p

I think you guys/gals made me blush also

I think you guys/gals made me blush also
Hi there. Get used to it. Wildcat and I have a knack for doing that. It's all in humor though. A little bantering never hurt anyone and my sides are hurting as I've been laughing a lot this morning, it's 530 AM in Germany.

Have fun.

My ex is in her 20s and I'm sorry to say but she follows her feelings more then logic. If I were to show her lots of interest now, I'm sure she would with draw. I'm going to keep her on arms length. Not too much contact at work. I'll make her come up to me.

One thing I've noticed is that a week back or so my ex and I were talking about some of the women that moved into our dept. I mentioned to her innocently on how I talked to some of these women, she made it a point to put these women down by calling them es and other names (what does that tell you?).

If she tries to make me jealous by flirting with other guys at work, I'll just ignore it and smile. I'll instead play her game and flirt with other women at work.

Now the only contact I have with her is at work (no calls or e-mails). I have my ways of making her weak in the knees. I'm sure every time she sees me, she gets butter flys in her stomach. You can tell so much by just the body language. She might act like a tough cookie sometimes (ignoring me) but that is the time when her interest level is at all time high. When she talks to me, that is when she caves in to her interest.

You guys might be asking yourselves why? We been together for two years before and why go through all of this? I wish I could just simply tell her how I feel, but that would not work (something just tells me). It has to do with her more then myself. If I had things my way, I'd simply tell her about my feelings.

Dear, we all have our choices, and you picked your's. I hope it works for you and lots of Luck. Keep us posted.

Rarely if ever tell a woman how you feel. AGAIN - I know the ladies will be all mad at me - but's true. Woman DON'T want the weak senistive man. Woman WILL always tell what they prefer... but it never matters - it's how they feel - AND if you make them feel as if you're weak, you are of no value to them. Woman want the mystery.

"feelings more then logic" - all women are this way - when they get a little older they use some logic.

You're handling it right.

See - to get a lover back you can never force and try to convince them to come back.

Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.

Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".

Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.

So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!

If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.

It is just me or do women in general have selective memory? What I mean is if they break up with a guy, and time has passed, the women tend to only remember the good times of the relationship. They tend to block out the bad times. Why is that?

Not really, we just choose what's important to remember and hold no long standing grudges because our egos aren't that sensitive. We do however remember those who abuse us and treat us as punching bags, then we just wait and get our revenge. Simple as that. All the other little stuff we forgive and go on hoping the men learned from their mistakes. But sometimes we are wrong there. It is the men that throw the past in women's faces and jealous of the past most of the time, not the other way around, even though men make mistakes too - that's when they have 'selective' memory.. but in their case it's called denial. And to them when a woman makes a mistake it's called typical. It seems that we are on the verge of writing a book on stereotyping. If I were a publisher, I'd get a real kick out of this and sell millions of articles just by referring to this forum alone. It's better than a talkshow. Gerry Springer, eat your heart out...

You guys don't know what you want until it stares you in the face. And relying on your feelings make you make so many relationship mistakes.

You guys always SAY you prefer something... then go and do the exact opposite. Always.

And remember only the good IS dangerous... that's why woman always go back to the sexy jerk... they forget he cheated on her, left her at home, never called, never bought anything, borrowed money and never paid it etc.

I'm not really sure what it is about the a**hole as opposed to the gentlemen. I guess it is finding a guy that falls in the happy medium between the both of them.
I like flower's, candy and all of the sweet and gentle things that a man does, but yet I would perfer for him to have some back bone as well.
I like having door's opened for me but every once in a while him telling me to "open it yourself" would show me that he is human and does have a mind of his own.
Being catered to once in a while is great but him missing a day of catering to me to go hang out with the guy's gives him a break from the monotiny of it all as well as giving me a break too. I don't think it is so much that we would prefer the jerk, as it is us actually finding a man that is a bit of both.

Hi Wildcat. We've got to stop meeting this way or people will start talking.;) Wouldn't you know it, One Life made his mind up already and I think he's going to do just fine.
But 'we' can't leave it alone. Who do you mean by "you guys" Wildcat. Can't you at least say 'gals' I admit that my daughter's father looked like Cevin Costner, but he certainly did not act like it. Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. But to be truthful, I only wanted a child, didn't need the man or the papers to go with him. I knew what I wanted as I was already 24 and had tried on several "pairs of shoes" and still did not want to buy any, just rent/wear and return. Now I'm twice as old and still enjoy trying on those shoes and still don't want to purchase them. It's not worth it because you 'guys' have just as many faces as we do (I admit it), but I can look myself in the mirror now and feel all right about myself. I did not hurt anyone on the way except myself by making some bad choices, but still can live with that. It's the final result that counts. I always let a man know exactly where I stand and give him the choice of accepting that or not letting the door hit him on the way out. Too bad that some egos got in the way of being as fair with me in the past, but I can't help but love you guys cause you're so amusing. When I hear the phrase "you just don't understand" it cracks me up all the time. You've never been a mother and therefore never learned all of your children's tricks, we mom's have the advantage there, even with boys and know exactly what makes you tick. It would be nice to find someone to lean on, but I don't think there is anyone strong enough to stand up to me in a relationship no matter how many days he spends lifting those weights. And when a man thinks he's using me, it's because I let him. Mine is very happy with that arrangement and we will be friends and lovers forever, just the way we like it. His son even asks me for advice because he sees the change in his father and wishes he could find someone like me, instead of those young things that still play games. Since he's gotten to know my views he treats his girlfriends with a little more respect and benefits from it. So, it's never too late to learn and grow up. I'll stop now so you won't have to yawn too much, Wildcat. It's 7 AM and I've been up all night. Going to take a nap now and give you some time to come up with something good for me later this evening. Oh, I know you're going to say I have not met Mr Right yet, you're probably right, but I'm content. Good Night. Gosh how time flies when I'm having fun...

I'm not really sure what it is about the a**hole as opposed to the gentlemen. I guess it is finding a guy that falls in the happy medium between the both of them.
I like flower's, candy and all of the sweet and gentle things that a man does, but yet I would perfer for him to have some back bone as well.
I like having door's opened for me but every once in a while him telling me to "open it yourself" would show me that he is human and does have a mind of his own.
Being catered to once in a while is great but him missing a day of catering to me to go hang out with the guy's gives him a break from the monotiny of it all as well as giving me a break too. I don't think it is so much that we would prefer the jerk, as it is us actually finding a man that is a bit of both.You hit it dead center. It's just that the guys don't have it in synchronization yet as to when to act like what, that's all. There are times to act like a macho, and there are times to act like a pillar of strength and comfort, but they can't read our signals enough to get it right most of the time. And instead of trying to find out, they throw tantrums out of frustration. It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'... get it?

"Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. " - no offense, but that's real selfish - I know that's an offense, but you only thught about yourself. Ugh. Not think about your daughter - maybe she WANTS a father? Eventually you needed someone to help raise that child.

Sounds like you 'GALS' want to control guys.

I do agree a guy 100% needs some 'good guy qualities MOST of the time' AND learn to adapt to some of the 'jerk-like' behaviors. It's real important - not to be a jerk, but take on some of his behaviors - being independent, not needy, SAYING NO TO A WOMAN, putting a woman in her place when she gets out of line (yes woman do this and a lot of times it's a test). LEADING. Taking full charge in the bed most of the time.

"It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'" - happens both ways. Like irrational behaviors during a certain time of the month.

Chery - there is no Mr. Perfect, My gal has a lot of things I have to live with, I don't mind, there are so many things I love.

"Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. " - no offense, but that's real selfish - I know that's an offense, but you only thught about yourself. Ugh. Not think about your daughter - maybe she WANTS a father? Eventually you needed someone to help raise that child.

Sounds like you 'GALS' want to control guys.

I do agree a guy 100% needs some 'good guy qualities MOST of the time' AND learn to adapt to some of the 'jerk-like' behaviors. It's real important - not to be a jerk, but take on some of his behaviors - being independent, not needy, SAYING NO TO A WOMAN, putting a woman in her place when she gets out of line (yes woman do this and a lot of times it's a test). LEADING. Taking full charge in the bed most of the time.

"It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'" - happens both ways. Like irrational behaviors during a certain time of the month.

Chery - there is no Mr. Perfect, My gal has a lot of things I have to live with, I don't mind, there are so many things I love.Hi Wildcat... my daughter chose at the age of 12 not to see her father anymore, as she lived through his beating me all the time we were married and it did her no good. I never put him down to her and always allowed him to visit and take her places, but she made her choice. I had a good job, and did not need help raising my child, my aunt helped me a lot, but I did most of it.
We had to take one day at a time.. and she had good judgement too, as when I had an occasional b/f, and she hinted that this one was not a good idea, she was right - I did not deny my child a decent father, he's a certified sociopath, but I did not know it at that time. Now I do see the signs and am more careful. As far as wanting to lead, either in bed or elsewhere, there is a way to lead without men knowing, it's called suggesting, and that goes both ways too. Most women handle PMS pretty well, except when they want to use it as an excuse. What excuses do men have when they act like jerks? Let's be fair, there is no set pattern for men or women, and we need to realize this and stop the stereotyping, that's all. Every situation is different and if we don't see the whole picture (without our own opinionated blinders) then we can't 'generalize' without having second thoughts on what effect it has on those we advise. Have a good one, dear - still friends.

I don't think that it is us wanting to control men. If we wanted to control men, we would go after those spineless, needy, and clingy guy's that you SAY we loath so much. So which one is it Wildcat?

The needy guys annoy the hell out of you.

You want to change and control the jerks - but you can't

I figured we'd get your attention on this one. Babe, I can talk the Devil out of his Pitchfork if I want to, because it is not always what I say, but how I say it.:p

As far as the weak ones, sorry but I'm ready to be a grandma, not a mother again if you know what I mean. ;) But still don't mind helping now and then, so they can grow up to be strong, then give them back to 'mom'. Have a Good Weekend, all of you.

Chery - why did you stay with your daughters father? Just currious. Sounds just awful - sorry you went through that. A lot of women do that - when the 'nice' guy would take care of them and be there for them - BUT, the nice guy isn't the 'hot sexy' guy - the nice guy doesn't give you 'feeling' and you reject him - when logically he is the best suited for you.

That's why I always advised guys to take on a lot of jerk-like tendincies - don't be a jerk - just be independent, don't share your feelings, fewer compliments, hanf with your friends as well, stay in great shape etc.

Chery - why did you stay with your daughters father? Just currious. Sounds just awful - sorry you went through that. A lot of women do that - when the 'nice' guy would take care of them and be there for them - BUT, the nice guy isn't the 'hot sexy' guy - the nice guy doesn't give you 'feeling' and you reject him - when logically he is the best suited for you.

That's why I always advised guys to take on a lot of jerk-like tendincies - don't be a jerk - just be independent, don't share your feelings, fewer compliments, hanf with your friends as well, stay in great shape etc. As I said before, I didn't want to get married in the first place, but during that era, it was the right thing for a gal to do - get married, since I was already 24 and people were scared I'd wind up being an 'old maid'. Then, when I was away from my family and friends and in a different country, he showed his real face. I was also taught that it was the woman's responsibility to 'keep the peace at home' so I tried that, but after 5 years, he made the mistake one day and missed me, but not my daughter with his belt, then he saw the look in my eyes and finally understood that if he did not leave right then, he would be carried out feet first. By that time I had already lost all self-respect, but when it came to my child, that was it.. I did allow him to see his daughter though and did not berate him in front of her, ever. She figured out what type he was all on her own. And a few years later, his parents wrote me to say they were sorry they blamed me for it all. Sociopaths don't wear signs, unfortunately. But that is a chapter in my life that helped me grow and seek help at the right time. There are things that I have revealed on several posts on this forum that my brothers don't even know about, thank goodness. But I know I'm not the only one that 'sh... happened to and am glad I can help others before it happens to them, or if it did, I can at least help them heal a bit.

Yes, times were really screwed up back then - so much pressure from society to conform.

Sicophaths come across a lot of times as a 'good guy' initially to suck the lady in. It's a front - once they have you their true colors come through.

There are f-d up woman out there as well... I dated one several years ago - so much baggage - her parents screwed her up so much - divorce, father cheating, mother alcoholic, brother an alcoholic/drug user and thief. She had to raise the family. Of course she had gone through a divorce.

Yes, times were really screwed up back then - so much presure from society to conform.

Sicophaths come across a lot of times as a 'good guy' initially to suck the lady in. It's a front - once they have you their true colors come through.

There are f-d up woman out there as well....I dated one several years ago - so much baggage - her parents screwed her up so much - divorce, father cheating, mother alcoholic, brother an alcoholic/drug user and thief. She had to raise the family. Of course she had gone through a divorce.
Yup, we all have those 'ol scars' and not just for playing football, or getting 'tennis arm'. Ain't life Grand?

Sometimes I wonder and I have a great life!

My current gal of course went through a divorce. My sister went through a nasty divorce. 55% of ALL marriages end in divorce. 70% + of second marriages end up in divorce.

90% of divrocees... end up marrying AGAIN! Why??

Things change so much when you marry.

We make our beds... you know the rest. Sometimes a change of furniture is necessary though for safety purposes.

I like the way chery and wildcat go back at each other. Really pleasant. Anyway getting back to me, since I'm the one in need here for advise (lol).

But seriously now, I have a feeling that my ex and that other guy I talked about earlier started up a secret relationship. The other guy works a floor below us. He used to quite frequently come up stairs to our floor to say hello to her and everybody else, but paid particular attention to my ex, but now he doesn't do that anymore. But today, when I was leaving for my break, I happen to see them together getting coffie. They were surprised to see me, like I caught them red handed (it was a akward feeling). Also Today, when I was leaving work at the end of my shift, I happen to cross paths with the guy, and usually we exchange greetings, but today he avioded all eye contact with me. I'm sure he saw me and pretented he did not. Just to let you know, there is no policy against dating co-staff in our company.

Trust me I'm not paraniod or anything, but there is something going on.
I just have to say, that it is just wrong and sneeky. She left me, and she is allowed to date who the hell she wants(it will hurt but I have to accept it). She knows I have good instincts about these things, why even try to hide it. Its useless. What's also wrong is the way she lead me on.
I just feel like not talking to her anymore and just ignoring her. But I think that will just make me look like sour grapes.

I don't ignoring her and stuff would give her sour grapes..

The bottom line is that you two are broke up now. If you think she dating this guy just ask her and get it over with. I'd would whether know than not to know and who knows maybe thisis the closure you need.

I think the best thing to do is to be cordial. Speak when you see her, be polite and courtious.
Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?
She may or may not be dating the guy, but something is going on. For him to be avoiding you the way that he is, my guess would be that she has provided all of the information about you two's past relationship.
Asking her (to me) would give her the impression that you care. I really wouldn't think of giving her the satisfaction that I gave a care as to who it was that she was dating. She got one over on you, don't give her the chance to rub salt in the wound.
We try so hard to try and read between the lines that we fail to see the big bold writing that is on the wall's.
Cut this off immediately.

I think the best thing to do is to be cordial. Speak when you see her, be polite and courtious.
Why ask a question that you already know the answer to?
She may or may not be dating the guy, but something is going on. For him to be avoiding you the way that he is, my guess would be that she has provided all of the information about you two's past relationship.
Asking her (to me) would give her the impression that you care. I really wouldn't think of giving her the satisfaction that I gave a care as to who it was that she was dating. She got one over on you, don't give her the chance to rub salt in the wound.
We try so hard to try and read between the lines that we fail to see the big bold writing that is on the wall's.
Cut this off immediately. This is correct. The only 'sour' taste you have is in your mouth, because she and he have 'tasteless' behaviour. It's time now to change your way of thinking and go on with your life. Say a 'hi' to both every now and then, but keep going after that. Don't let on that it still hurts, you've been paying too much attention to what they are doing instead of looking ahead and doing your job. Don't you think others in the company notice all this crap too? Show them all that you are a better man and start up with someone else, even if it is just joking around with the guys, or making compliments to the other girls. I'm sure you did not act this way before she started working there, so clean up your act. Put this all in a drawer and do what you are being paid for and that's not constantly thinking what if's. If is the biggest little word in the dictionary and has no more place in your new vocabulary. Look for a more positive word and a more positive attitude or your job just might be at risk not to mention your mental health. Tell someone you know who likes to 'spread the word around' that you found a nice girl in a forum and you hit it off so well that you can't wait to meet her, stay at your desk and write immaginary letters to 'her' during your break, even if it's just wrting down what you are going to keep us posted on. That will get your head straight and save 'face' at work too. Think positive and look ahead now or you'll go nuts and she's not worth that! - it's that time.. Good Luck, and do keep us posted.

If regrets that you were not the one breaking it is the only factor that is distracting you from doing a good job and letting things go, then you've got an ego problem that you should also work on. So what if she broke with you first, as long as you learned something and move on.

I am not sure she is seeing this guy. From what you have told me he seems to be attracted to her. It's sounds like he is in the friends zone and is too much of dumbass to figure that out.

Woman know almost instantly (not always) if a guy is a lover or just a friend. She would have been all over him if she liked him.

She may just enjoy the attention this guy gives her but has no romantic interest. She even could be using him to get you jealous.

REMBER always - you think in logic - woman don't. You see them together and assume the worst.

This guy is an insecure dumbass also if he can't keep being cordial/friend with you. WHY would he care what you think??

I'm done with this one. I hate going around in circles, it gets one nowhere quick...

I'm done with this one. I hate going around in circles, it gets one nowhere quick...

Bye chery, Thanks for all the advise. I hope wildcat did not get to you too much lol.

Dear one_life, it's not Wildcat, I can handle him. You are the one going around in circles and it's a waste of your valuable time. Believe me I know how short and painful life can be, and I hate to see young and healthy people like you waste it before it even gets started being interesting and fun. You need to strive for a greater goal and stop living in the past, so go for it. Consider yourself spanked by and old lady right now. And stop dwelling and wondering!

Rarely if ever tell a woman how you feel. AGAIN - I know the ladies will be all mad at me - but's true. Woman DON'T want the weak senistive man. Woman WILL always tell what they prefer.....but it never matters - it's how they feel - AND if you make them feel as if you're weak, you are of no value to them. Woman want the mystery.

"feelings more then logic" - all women are this way - when they get a little older they use some logic.

You're handling it right.

See - to get a lover back you can never force and try to convince them to come back.

Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.

Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".

Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.

So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!

If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.

I think this is the best piece of advice I have heard on here yet! This makes TOTAL sense! Take it from me, I spent 2 months trying to win back the EX and it got me no where. Now I just feel defeated and broken, and I plan to just turn the tables when she gets back. The way I think of it now is, SHE broke up with ME. Therefore SHE should be the one asking for ME back. I thought that she wanted me to "open up more" so I did, and it solved NOTHING. I will no longer call her, text her, or email her, and I will wait to see what happens. I know this girls is still in love with me, she is just acting REALLY stupid right now. She is on this whole "I need to see the world and find out what makes me happy" BS, but the thing is, you can't find happiness, it has its way of finding you. As much crap as this girl has put me through over the past 5... well... 3 years, I still love her with all my blah... blah... blah. I don't know if I blew it already, but every time I think I have, she comes right back. I am DONE with the games, and I am going to make that VERY clear to her when I see her again. I don't think it is too late for me to save face on this one, I just need to "man up" and get back to the person I was before all this crap. The thing I have learned is, girls can't play games with you if you don't let them. Sure, you miss her and all, but don't give in to the calls and BS. Let her go on her marry little way and see what's out there. When or if she does come back, who knows, you might not even want her back. After all the crap I am going through, I really don't think I will want my EX back. I saw a really EVIL side to her, and I don't think I will ever get past that with her. I say, just move on. This is all just a big waste of time and energy.

It is great advice I've spent ten years learning gall this stuff.

A lot of times you don't want them back. You like the idea of a relationship... but in reality not really with them because of baggage or games or what ever.

YOU CAN NEVER CONVINCE SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU. You have to show it - don't say. Don't be needy or desperate.

I think this is the best piece of advice I have heard on here yet! This makes TOTAL sence! Take it from me, I spent 2 months trying to win back the EX and it got me no where. Now I just feel defeated and broken, and I plan to just turn the tables when she gets back. The way I think of it now is, SHE broke up with ME. Therefore SHE should be the one asking for ME back. I thought that she wanted me to "open up more" so I did, and it solved NOTHING. I will no longer call her, text her, or email her, and I will wait to see what happens. I know this girls is still in love with me, she is just acting REALLY stupid right now. She is on this whole "I need to see the world and find out what makes me happy" BS, but the thing is, you can't find happiness, it has its way of finding you. As much crap as this girl has put me through over the past 5.....well......3 years, I still love her with all my blah.......blah.....blah. I dont know if I blew it already, but everytime I think I have, she comes right back. I am DONE with the games, and I am going to make that VERY clear to her when I see her again. I dont think it is too late for me to save face on this one, I just need to "man up" and get back to the person I was before all this crap. The thing I have learned is, girls can't play games with you if you dont let them. Sure, you miss her and all, but dont give in to the calls and BS. Let her go on her marry little way and see whats out there. When or if she does come back, who knows, you might not even want her back. After all the crap I am going through, I really dont think I will want my EX back. I saw a really EVIL side to her, and I dont think I will ever get past that with her. I say, just move on. This is all just a big waste of time and energy. Good start, now you just need the practice. Good luck.

Hi people I'm back. So here is an update.

Well I'm been keeping my ex at arms length at work. Not too much contact, and if there is any contact, its usually jokes and making her laugh(I kid around with her).

Well last night, We were on the phone together, and I kiddingly asked her if she was seeing that other guy. Well keep in mind I was laughing my *** off so was she when I asked her. Well she refused to answer the question at first. So I said to her what if I was one of your other friends and they asked you the same question. She said that she would tell them she has not yet decieded. So I left that topic there, and started to talk about something else. Once again she wasn't nervious or mad about that question. We ended the call with a good note.

ANy suggestions from my update.

It sounds to me that you're doing just fine. Stick to your guns and keep working on your attitude and go from there. P.S. you've been giving some pretty good advice yourself, so you're on the road to recovery. Congrats!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_50_5.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Like I said before - she has NO interest in that guy. None. Woman KNOW almost instantly IF they have a romatic interest in a guy or not. There are no future decisions. She's just trying to make you jealous. That guy is just a massive dumbass for giving her all the attention.

BUT, HUGE mistake... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THESE DUMB QUESTIONS ANYWAY?? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY??

Those are massive 'friend zone' questions. You are her gay friend in her eyes with dumbass questions like that. Never ask a woman those questions again. You just took several steps backwards.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS SEEING. YOU SOUNDED INSECURE AND JEALOUS BY ASKING SUCH DUMB QUESTIONS OF A WOMAN.

If she brings it up - you don't care - say "that's boring, I don't care" - "You can see as many guys as you like, I just don't ever care to hear about it"

She sees you as jealous and inssecure AND it's a huge turn off to woman. HUGE.

Just another major mistake with this gal.

Like I said before - she has NO interest in that guy. None. Woman KNOW almost instantly IF they have a romatic interest in a guy or not. There are no future decisions. She's just trying to make you jealous. That guy is just a massive dumbass for giving her all the attention.

BUT, HUGE mistake..........WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THESE DUMB QUESTIONS ANYWAY???????????????????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY???

Those are massive 'friend zone' questions. You are her gay friend in her eyes with dumbass questions like that. Never ask a woman those questions again. You just took several steps backwards.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS SEEING. YOU SOUNDED INSECURE AND JEALOUS BY ASKING SUCH DUMB QUESTIONS OF A WOMAN.

If she brings it up - you don't care - say "that's boring, I don't care" - "You can see as many guys as you like, I just don't ever care to hear about it"

She sees you as jealous and inssecure AND it's a huge turn off to woman. HUGE.

Just another major mistake with this gal.


No wildcat, trust me it is not like that at all. She does not see me as insecure or jealous. It is something between us. I've known this girl all most all my life and two years of a serious relationship. I did not want to say it, but I see I have no choice. The other guy she is seeing is kind of guy that she would not go out with (let me just say that). So I was just making fun of her but not in too many words. She knows me well, and she knows I'll poke fun at her.

That is why she fell in love with me in the first place, I treated her as a lover and also teased her once in a while. She once told me in the biggining of our relationship, I was the very first guy that did not only shower her with compliments and fancy stuff but also made it fun for her(you know how is it, guys go out of their way to impress the girl and once they get the girl, they stop doing those things).
I knew when to be romantic (when she wasn't expecting it) and also teased once in a while.

Wlidcat if she was trying to get me jeolous with this other guy, then why would she look like she is hiding the relationship? Would she not make it known to me? That is the thing I don't get, if she was over me, then why try to hide this relationship.

By making it known to her that I know about them, maybe she can relax and feel comfortable with this new relationship. She does not need to hide it from me. Can I get a women's perspective on this (why is she hiding it?).

Nope. That's not how it works with women. You're in the friend zone with that woman.

You don't care about other guys.

It's not logic with women. Those were dumbass questions.

To answer your question about her hiding it from you: Maybe she did not want to hurt your feelings, or is embarrassed about her choice. No matter what her reasons were, she chose her road and she has to be dealing with it. I would not worry about this anymore if I were you. Don't stress yourself out again, OK?

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Onlife - why are you talking with this gal on the phone? And why are asking her those questions?

It's sounds an awful lot like you're her gitlfrined(just the truth). Friend zoned you.

You can't keep calling her OR answering the phone. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh - you blew that one. Move on.

You say one thing that your going to do - then you're communicating with her.

Agreed, I think it is too late for me... but who knows. You REALLY need to stop talking to her NOW! If she wants you back, she will come to you. Its hard, I know but JUST DO IT! I STILL want my EX back, even after all her crap but you have to let her come back and then take it from there. My EX sent me a message syaing "I have been thinking about you alot lately" and I didn't even reply, just to let her think about me even more. Dude, you can't be her lapdog, I know this all sounds stupid, but do you really want to know about other guys she is dating? Also, do you really want her to think you don't care if she is? I think not. DO NOT TALK TO HER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK! All of this is just going to drive you MAD! I felt like a dumb f$% for sending my EX a message saying "thinking about you" yesterday because I knew is was DUMB DUMB DUMB. This will be VERY hard, I have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day, but I made it 3 days without having ANY contact at all. Someone on here told me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I thought about her, and funny enough I have been using that in a way. Whenever I feel like contacting her, I snap the hell out of it (think of it as me slapping my own hand). This whole situation will turn you into a big baby, and it sucks. Do something to get yourself out of the house and clear your head. Don't play their games, take your power back and MAN UP. I am on AIM if you want to know my story, it might help you out. s/n FISHY7B.

Agreed, I think it is too late for me....but who knows. You REALLY need to stop talking to her NOW! If she wants you back, she will come to you. Its hard, I know but JUST DO IT! I STILL want my EX back, even after all her crap but you have to let her come back and then take it from there. My EX sent me a message syaing "I have been thinking about you alot lately" and I didnt even reply, just to let her think about me even more. Dude, you can't be her lapdog, I know this all sounds stupid, but do you really want to know about other guys she is dating? Also, do you really want her to think you dont care if she is? I think not. DO NOT TALK TO HER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK! All of this is just going to drive you MAD! I felt like a dumb f$% for sending my EX a message saying "thinking about you" yesterday becasue I knew is was DUMB DUMB DUMB. This will be VERY hard, I have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day, but I made it 3 days without having ANY contact at all. Someone on here told me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I thought about her, and funny enough I have been using that in a way. Whenever I feel like contacting her, I snap the hell out of it (think of it as me slapping my own hand). This whole situation will turn you into a big baby, and it sucks. Do something to get yourself out of the house and clear your head. Dont play their games, take your power back and MAN UP. I am on AIM if you want to know my story, it might help you out. s/n FISHY7B. I thought you learned something, but oh, well...

No further comments, I think all has been said. Now it's your choice to make and go from there.

Jeff... what don't YOU get?? You don't want that woman back. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. She is playing you now. Move on.

I know, I don't think there is really anything else to say about my situation, I was just trying to help this guy NOT make the same stupid moves I have. Its hard to just let go of someone that you have spent soooooo much time with, but that's what you have to do. All of this will drive you MAD if you don't. I am getting better, and you will too. You just have to take things one day at a time and find your strength in yourself, not her. Ive got it in the WORST way right now, but I did meet a nice girl the other night and we are going to hang out this weekend. :cool:

Jeff: make this weekend quality time and don't mention one word about your addiction to this other chick - not one word! If you do, your date will be over before it even started. The last thing you want to do is show your weakness the fist time you meet someone.
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Now, to the original post, sorry about getting off the track, but maybe this will give you an example of what NOT to do and you'll learn a little from it.
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One_Life, Wow, What can I say that hasn't already been said? I can feel it in your posts how much this girl meant to you once. I'm not truly clear on why you two broke up in the first place but your current situation seems a little awkward. When a girl goes back and forth like that with the signals it seems to me those signals should only serve to be red flags. It sounds like she's not even sure what she wants. If she does want you back and is going through all of this eye contact and smiley face stuff only to turn around and flip the switch then I would steer clear of that one for a while. Your feelings for her are interfering with your intelligence and you can't allow that to happen. In a perfect world you would ask her how she felt and she would be honest and straight forward but as you know life is not typically perfect. The problem with us following our feelings versus our brains is that they often get us into trouble. If she was brave enough to break up with you and bold enough to make so much eye contact and the other stuff then she should be brave enough to come clean and let you know she wants you back without you having to tell her how you feel. Don't do that. I have a feeling it would backfire on you. Don't sweat this other guy, I don't think she is seeing him or at least not with any serious intent. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff. Consider taking up kickboxing. I have been kickboxing for 3 years now and I love it. It taught me something that to me, applies in most levels of life, when to use defensive and offensive techniques. It taught me discipline, balance, and to breathe so I can focus on anything and everything. Keep your balance. Don't ignore her but don't call her or go out of your way to talk to her either. If you see her, wave casually and keep walking. If she comes up to you to talk, spare a minute, maybe two and excuse yourself to make an important phone call. If she asks you to lunch, pause for a second and then ask for a raincheck. She's not going to know what hit her. P.S. If all else fails, don't forget you asked me to marry you too! LOL :D

Wrong thread, sorry!

Jeff: make this weekend quality time and don't mention one word about your addiction to this other chick - not one word! If you do, your date will be over before it even started. The last thing you want to do is show your weakness the fist time you meet someone.
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Now, to the original post,, sorry about getting off the track, but maybe this will give you an example of what NOT to do and you'll learn a little from it.
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UPDATE: That "date" was BS, this girl was OBSESSED with my freaking car... I was shocked. "you drive a lexus!?......OH MY GOD!" I just looked at this girl like are you kidding me! I just laughed and said "yea, its just a car". She wouldn't stop talking about all these material things with me like prada this, gucci that. CHRIST girl, is that all you have to talk about! She called me like 5 times the other day wanting me to come pick her up... riiiiiiiight. Sigh, some people. Im lonely, not desperate. :cool:

One_Life, Wow, What can I say that hasn't already been said? I can feel it in your posts how much this girl meant to you once. I'm not truly clear on why you two broke up in the first place but your current situation seems a little awkward. When a girl goes back and forth like that with the signals it seems to me those signals should only serve to be red flags. It sounds like she's not even sure what she wants. If she does want you back and is going through all of this eye contact and smiley face stuff only to turn around and flip the switch then I would steer clear of that one for a while. Your feelings for her are interfering with your intelligence and you can't allow that to happen. In a perfect world you would ask her how she felt and she would be honest and straight forward but as you know life is not typically perfect. The problem with us following our feelings versus our brains is that they often get us into trouble. If she was brave enough to break up with you and bold enough to make so much eye contact and the other stuff then she should be brave enough to come clean and let you know she wants you back without you having to tell her how you feel. Don't do that. I have a feeling it would backfire on you. Don't sweat this other guy, I don't think she is seeing him or at least not with any serious intent. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff. Consider taking up kickboxing. I have been kickboxing for 3 years now and I love it. It taught me something that to me, applies in most levels of life, when to use defensive and offensive techniques. It taught me discipline, balance, and to breathe so I can focus on anything and everything. Keep your balance. Don't ignore her but don't call her or go out of your way to talk to her either. If you see her, wave casually and keep walking. If she comes up to you to talk, spare a minute, maybe two and excuse yourself to make an important phone call. If she asks you to lunch, pause for a second and then ask for a raincheck. She's not gonna know what hit her. P.S. If all else fails, don't forget you asked me to marry you too! LOL :D


Thanks for the advise, I was wondering when you would get to my post. Lol
Yeah, I'm taking it one step at a time. It been 5 months now, since the break up. I tell you, its been very hard, and till this day I feel it sometimes. I was doing better with the no contact. You know out of sight out of mind. Since she moved to our dept, it been kind of difficult but I still go to work and do my job.
Maybe I read too much into it. I don't believe she really wanted me back, just her way of testing the waters. Besides if she really wanted me back, she wouldn't start seeing this other guy.

You are right, she does not really know what she wants, she always been wishy washy.

OK, we've all gone off the track. This is one_life's thread, can we get back to helping him out with his issues instead of Jeff. Jeff has his own thread and we should kind of stick to who's who in this zoo. - Just my opinion...

Let her stay as wishy washy as she wants as long as she does not get you involved again.There will be others. And at this point, you don't need to stick to one gal, just be casual and learn what others have to offer you, not the other way around. This might not be your 'style', but you need to try some new things in your life, as Momincali said, try kickboxing, there are some pretty independent women who know what they see and like there - you might just be the right one some are seeking. Good Luck, and keep us posted.

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Sorry, I agree. I got mixed up with this thread and mine. I didn't mean to thread jack.

Sorry, I agree. I got mixed up with this thread and mine. I didnt mean to thread jack. OK, dear, you'll only get three lashes with a wet noodle this time! C.U. on other posts and Happy Halloween!

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One_Life, if she was 18 years old when you first hooked up, you may very well have been her first REAL love and those are loaded with emotion. Its normal that she will always see you and have a special place in her heart for you and maybe those were the signals you were reading early on. Why did she leave? Was it a clean break, no contact? Did she blame you for the break up or did she say she needed space??

Well, now here you are 5 months later, working in the same department and she just might be sending you those looks to see how far she could take it. I don't think she kept from telling you how she felt because she was nervous, I think she did it to keep the upper hand, you know, control, which is also a way to avoid rejection.

I can understand you feeling a little off on this one, that's normal, just don't let her see it in your face, on the contrary, let her see pure joy and fun. Fun, fun, fun. While on the phone, smile, even if you're only calling in your lunch order. Let her see you in a good mood all the time. Upbeat, not a care in the world. After a while, she's going to wonder exactly what or who is making you so damn happy all the time. You're not playing games, the truth is if you don't behave happy, you won't be happy. :D

Let her beat around the bush until she turns purple, she'll live. :( You said you didn't believe that she wanted you back, that she may have been just testing the waters, who tests waters that they aren't interested in dipping into?? Remember, she likes to keep it low key, to allow you to make the first move. Well I say when a woman decides she wants a second chance, she needs to acknowledge that she made a mistake in leaving and she will do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means she has to do things that are difficult and out of characater for her, it's called working for it. Women in love will do that and more if the guy is worthy, and I have a feeling you are. Until she does, you're not captain assumption, you do nothing. No more asking about that guy in the office or any other. You know, just like in boxing. You don't want to chase your opponent around the ring, you want him to come to you, always. If she starts talking about this guy or that guy, just say "wow", "really" and "that's nice".

2nd chances can be good cause they let you do things right the next time around. You said you believed in forgive and forget. I believe in forgiveness too in some instances but only if it's asked for and depending on the offense I rarely forget. I'm glad you're keeping your nose to the grindstone, that helps.

Happy Monday and Happy Halloween! :eek:

"No more asking about that guy in the office or any other."

Yes - PLEASE stop that. Tell she is boring you.

One_Life, if she was 18 years old when you first hooked up, you may very well have been her first REAL love and those are loaded with emotion. Its normal that she will always see you and have a special place in her heart for you and maybe those were the signals you were reading early on. Why did she leave? Was it a clean break, no contact? Did she blame you for the break up or did she say she needed space???

Well, now here you are 5 months later, working in the same department and she just might be sending you those looks to see how far she could take it. I don't think she kept from telling you how she felt because she was nervous, I think she did it to keep the upper hand, you know, control, which is also a way to avoid rejection.

I can understand you feeling a little off on this one, that's normal, just don't let her see it in your face, on the contrary, let her see pure joy and fun. Fun, fun, fun. While on the phone, smile, even if you're only calling in your lunch order. Let her see you in a good mood all the time. Upbeat, not a care in the world. After a while, she's gonna wonder exactly what or who is making you so damn happy all the time. You're not playing games, the truth is if you don't behave happy, you won't be happy. :D

Let her beat around the bush til she turns purple, she'll live. :( You said you didn't believe that she wanted you back, that she may have been just testing the waters, who tests waters that they aren't interested in dipping into??? Remember, she likes to keep it low key, to allow you to make the first move. Well I say when a woman decides she wants a second chance, she needs to acknowledge that she made a mistake in leaving and she will do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means she has to do things that are difficult and out of characater for her, it's called working for it. Women in love will do that and more if the guy is worthy, and I have a feeling you are. Until she does, you're not captain assumption, you do nothing. No more asking about that guy in the office or any other. You know, just like in boxing. You don't want to chase your opponent around the ring, you want him to come to you, always. If she starts talking about this guy or that guy, just say "wow", "really" and "that's nice".

2nd chances can be good cause they let you do things right the next time around. You said you believed in forgive and forget. I believe in forgiveness too in some instances but only if it's asked for and depending on the offense I rarely forget. I'm glad you're keeping your nose to the grindstone, that helps.

Happy Monday and Happy Halloween! :eek:


I don't believe I was her first love, well you can say I was the trully the one that showed her love. When she broke it off with me, yes she did blame me for the whole thing. I never believed she took responsbilty for what she did, instead she used a lousy reason to leave me. I let her go that day. In the first weeks that followed I tried to stay in touch through a few calls and e-mails, but it was too painful, so I initiated no contact.

To be continued...

Good, continue with the no contact - this might hurt, but the wondering and bouncing back and forth is just as painful, so pick which you'd rather have at this time. There is no perfect solution to anything when it comes to emotions, but survival is the key here and your's is important now. Try to stick to your 'guns' and contact us for help when you get confused again. Let her do the wondering now, it'll do you some good for a change. ;)

People, I think I made a mistake. Today at work, my ex and I got off work at the same time(first time that happened). It was quite late into the night, so I waited up for her around 10 mintues to finish up work so we would catch the public transport together (we were also going the same way and catching the same public transport). While leaving the office, she turned towards the parking lot, so I asked her where she was going, she said some guy from work(He is not the same guy she is seeing from work) was waiting for her at parking lot to drop of her home. So I said to her I'll catch her later.

I know how you guys are always telling me to not show any sort of concern for her. She knows I waited up for her (even though I did not indicate to her I was going to wait up for her). Did I show her anything by waiting up for her instead of leaving the very second I finished work? I feel stupid and burned by the fact I waited up for her. Did I do the wrong thing?

One_life, don't worry it's not so bad. You just waited, that's all. I hope you didn't miss the transportation. And your reply of OK, see you later, was OK also, as you did not cause a scene, and were cordial, that's all. Don't read too much into it yourself. Now, go on with your life, and stop thinking you are doing something wrong every time you take a breath. Next time, just leave on your own, no matter how late, she's a big girl and can take care of herself. Remember you wanted to play it cool, do it!! :cool:

It wasn't a big deal. I wouldn't worry about it, but I also wouldn't be giving her the time a day either.

Well, yes. Tell her she is annoying you now. She shouldn't just 'play' friends every time you talk with another women at work. Tell her these ladies think it's weird as well. Maybe in nice, short, tactful e-mail - she' will GET the hint that you've moved on - absolutely don't be rude... and you know, she just may come back.

"I don't want you, but no one else can have you ethier" - women do this a lot.

People want what they can't have. I know it sounds weird. But, you creating your independence may just bring her back - OR, if anything, help you totally get over her.

Dear, be kind - as the saying goes, killing with kindness is best. Don't remind her she broke it off, just say that you've got a new life and would appreciated it if she would not be so intrusive- that it only makes her look bad and you don't want her to get a bad reputation, for old time's sake.

Wildcat - tried to rate you, but got the stupid 'spread it message again'. Thumbs up again. Chery

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One_Life, Why am I the only one that slightly disagrees with my buddies Wildcat and Chery?? Oh no, I hate being the odd woman out, but here is my never to be humble opinion. I think, no I know she knows exactly what she's doing and it's beyond wrong, it's disrespectful, especially when she's already dating someone else and you know what else, I know she knows you know about it (did you follow that?). I think that whenever possible you should behave like a gentleman around a woman because you come off smelling like a rose, however, there are those few instances where the circumstances just don't give room for that. I think you should tell her that her behavior is less than appealing and that it is darn right rude to butt into ANY of your conversations, whether with a man or a woman. I don't think this is a time to walk on eggshells with her. You need to inform her in a gentle but firm tone that whenever she see's you speaking with anyone, especially a woman, she needs to back off. If you tell her this in a really nice way, she won't get it. She'll figure, "oh, he doesn't really mean it, he won't be too upset, at least not for long, after all, I'm the one he really wants." Now, I'm not telling you to rip her a new one, but I am saying be VERY serious and firm. Approach her in a calm almost friendly manner and tell her something along the lines of.. "Hey listen, I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been bothering me lately. We're cool and all, but I need you to stop with the hugging and interference when I'm speaking to someone..." Yes, that straight out. If you're not direct, she won't take you seriously. She needs to know that you're not up for that, you would never do that to her.

Monincali - you are right. I am not sure he has the balls to do it though. I would do it. It WOULD be great though if he would - IT SHOWS HE HAS A FREAKING SPINE TO HER, which I feel he did not show her in the past as much as he should have.

Onelife... it WOULD go along way with her, believe me. Not immediately... but in the long run, something would click in her. No more gettng walked on.

Dude, you don't always have to be nice to women. As matter of fact, that's one of theirt tests. Stand up for yourself, tell her what's bothering you and walk away. Women don't ASLWAYS want you to be nice to them, especially when they behave badly - sometimes, and the women here MUST agree with me on this, they behave badly (emotions, feelings) and you have to put them in their place.

Hear her response and say this in response "Ok, Bye" and smile and walk away. Seriously.

One_Life, Why am I the only one that slightly disagrees with my buddies Wildcat and Chery??? Oh no, I hate being the odd woman out, but here is my never to be humble opinion. I think, no I know she knows exactly what she's doing and it's beyond wrong, it's disrespectful, especially when she's already dating someone else and you know what else, I know she knows you know about it (did you follow that?). I think that whenever possible you should behave like a gentleman around a woman because you come off smelling like a rose, however, there are those few instances where the circumstances just don't give room for that. I think you should tell her that her behavior is less than appealing and that it is darn right rude to butt into ANY of your conversations, whether with a man or a woman. I don't think this is a time to walk on eggshells with her. You need to inform her in a gentle but firm tone that whenever she see's you speaking with anyone, especially a woman, she needs to back off. If you tell her this in a really nice way, she won't get it. She'll figure, "oh, he doesn't really mean it, he won't be too upset, at least not for long, after all, I'm the one he really wants." Now, I'm not telling you to rip her a new one, but I am saying be VERY serious and firm. Approach her in a calm almost friendly manner and tell her something along the lines of .."Hey listen, I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been bothering me lately. We're cool and all, but I need you to stop with the hugging and interference when I'm speaking to someone..." Yes, that straight out. If you're not direct, she won't take you seriously. She needs to know that you're not up for that, you would never do that to her. Dear momincali, there is no need to feel bad about your opinion as we (the three of us) are on the same wavelength and only want to help and give him alternatives on how to handle the situation he's in, so keep up the good advice as seeing things from different perspectives will help him make the choices only he can make as he's near her and knows her a better than we do and his bells will ring and remind him of this fact. I am quite sure that he know that we are not in any aspect in 'competition'.

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Well, here is an update. Not much has changed. She is still sneeking around with this other guy at work. Makes me laugh, it is really amusing. Doing this because of me. Sometimes I just feel like telling her there is no reason to sneek around, then I remember the office gets boring sometimes, so I need something to keep me entertianed.

I wonder if she is ashamed of him? Or just does not want to hurt my feelings. Then I ask myself, why go out with a guy you are ashamed off, so it must be the latter. If that is the case, she not doing a good job of hiding it, so she can spare my feelings. What do you guys think?
I tell you, I find this whole thing strange.

Well, here is an update. Not much has changed. She is still sneeking around with this other guy at work. Makes me laugh, it is really amusing. Doing this because of me. Sometimes I just feel like telling her there is no reason to sneek around, then I remember the office gets boring sometimes, so I need something to keep me entertianed.

I wonder if she is ashamed of him? or just does not want to hurt my feelings. Then I ask myself, why go out with a guy you are ashamed off, so it must be the latter. If that is the case, she not doing a good job of hiding it, so she can spare my feelings. What do you guys think?
I tell you, I find this whole thing strange. Grrrrr. She's still under your skin and DOES not belong there anymore, and if you let her stay there, she'll win - don't let her get away with this and don't worry about her hiding the other guy - she'll always have some mystery in her life, that's her nature, but let her play her games with someone else from now on. Go out and do something else, and THINK about something else, please. Stop wondering what, where, and whys of anything she does, just if she irritates you in front of other's tell her off and that's that! You have not found a girl yet to get her off your mind, so go out and do so for your own sake.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_3_35.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) Wear heavy armor against her from now on!

One_Life, I say, sit back and enjoy the show! It's normal to still be preoccupied with your ex's antics, especially since she's in your face constantly, as long as you let it go when you walk out that door. I look at it this way, if she wants to make a fool out of herself by attempting to hide her relationship with this guy, that's her problem. It will at minimum give you something to chuckle about with your pals. It's pretty flattering wouldn't you say?? FUNNY!! :p

Here's the deal I really forgot to tell OneLife:

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" - office romances rarely work. AND now you are learning WHY.

It's a really bad idea to date some one you work for precisely for what you are going through now. It's Always gets messy. They rarely work for MANY reasons.

My advice is for no one to date people you work with. Just a bad idea. Plus there is resentment from co-works.

Now this gal feels it necessary to sneak around.

Let this gal go. Find someone from outside the office.

Here's the deal I really forgot to tell OneLife:

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" - office romances rarely work. AND now you are learning WHY.

It's a really bad idea to date some one you work for precisely for what you are going through now. It's ALWASY gets messy. They rarely work for MANY reasons.

My advice is for no one to date people you work with. Just a bad idea. Plus there is resentment from co-works.

Now this gal feels it necessary to sneak around.

Let this gal go. Find someone from outside the office.


It is true office relationships don't work, but we were together way before she even started to work there.

So what you really saying is, it is not a good idea to work at the same place as your ex. Well I had no hand in it, she is the one that moved to my dept. She had a second job at the time, but she choose to quit that job and move to my dept.
It is hard to find a decent job in my field, but I'm still looking for a new job. The no contact was working for me (I was healing), until she had to come and spoil it.

Just today, some I don't know (just started working there) was asking me to help him hook up with my ex. I'm usually blunt, so I told him to stick it where the sun does not shine. Do I look like a dating matching service.

Ethier one of goes from the work place and I rather have her leave.

Glad you told that guy that.

Sucks she works there.

Please concentrate on your job! Let her play her games and slack off and make mistakes, not you! Remember, you need your job, and others don't count. If you are not careful, you'll wind up not sleeping well, eating properly, and losing your concentration because she's still under your skin - don't let her do this to you or she will win. Change your routine, go somewhere else during your lunch time and meet new people, or go to a park nearby and just talk to strangers, anything but don't stay at work-place in free time. After work, go to a gym and work out those angers so you can sleep well - this is important to your mental and physical well-being. Like I stated before, wear heavy armor or you'll wind up the one going crazy! The other guy does not know what she did to you, so it's not his fault either, now you might have lost a new friend, if you would have told him about how she is, he might have sided with you and you would have had support at the job, but that's under the bridge now. Just don't let your anger and frustrations take the upper hand from now on. I know how it feels to be 'mobbed' and it hurts like heck, and in a way this is what is happening to you, and you must not let it. I remember way back when you first posted, that I thought she might be feeling you out positively, but it could also have been a kind of competition, and to wait what her moves would be, well you now have proof that she means you harm, and must guard yourself against this and face the fact that there will always be people like that around you for the remainder of your life, so learn how to read the warning signs - but you have to place anger far away from you or you will not feel the future warning signals. Don't distance yourself from other co-workers, but keep a stable cordial relationship with them. They all know what's going on, too bad not one of them has talked to you about it, but maybe your wall is so high that they fear you might snap off at them also. Think about it, please and get your stability back.
No smileys, not wishing luck, just want you to keep your cool and keep us posted. I CARE!

You are fun to be around. She enjoys you.

Update:
Today at work, at the end of our shift (midnight), my ex asked me if I was waiting for her. Before I could answer, she tells me that she was staying late(keep in mind the work place closes at midnight) and then changed it to how she was inivited somewhere(she was acting all funny and nervous). I also happened to notice that the guy she is sneeking around with was pacing around, waiting to drop her home I bet.
Well I just looked at her and said to her to stop lying and tell the truth for once in her life (her face dropped), then I turned around and walked out the door.

You should have seen her face, it was a classic. I must have ethier hurt her or pissed her off. My bet is on the latter, because she has no heart to get hurt.

What do you people think?

Good. Now leave her alone and forget about her. Don't return he e-mails. Be nice and short with her if she comes up to you.

She for the longest time worked on your jealousies. She was toying with you.

It's about time, you were waiting for a chance to be abrupt to her, now you had it. So go on with your life and stop thinking about her or the other guy. He's just a tool to her also, so don't be mean to him because of what she's doing. Be professional and get back to what you are being paid to do, your job. From now on also keep your personal life separate from professional life, it's better.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_3_102.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)good job, now back to work.

Now, just be able to hear the truth from her, and don't react to it. What a wonderful man you are. You empower women.

Now, just be able to hear the truth from her, and don't react to it. What a wonderful man you are. You empower women.One_life - listening to her now would only open up old wounds, leave it be and keep your pride! If you are into S & M, I'll give you all the lashes with a wet noodle you want.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_111v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Just kidding dear, but wash her out of your hair now, you're doing good.

One_life - listening to her now would only open up old wounds, leave it be and keep your pride! If you are into S & M, I'll give you all the lashes with a wet noodle you want.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_111v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Just kidding dear, but wash her out of your hair now, you're doing good.


So the thing to do here, is to ignore her. Got you. I'll just do that. For some reason I feel better. It is like I've taken back all the power. Man the look on her face, it was like someone slaped her on the face. I know she is fuming mad about it. Speaking from past experience she can't handle being told the truth. No body likes being called a liar, especially if you are a liar.

As for the S&M thing, I could try it out for you. LOL

So the thing to do here, is to ignore her. Got you. I'll just do that. For some reason I feel better. It is like I've taken back all the power. Man the look on her face, it was like someone slaped her on the face. I know she is fuming mad about it. Speaking from past exprience she can't handle being told the truth. No body likes being called a liar, especialy if you are a liar.

As for the S&M thing, I could try it out for you. LOL You got it, babe!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_17_211.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Don't take that as a victory. It's WAY too late Just treat her as a colleague/professional. DO NOT anser any more of her persoanl e-mails - questions.

Again - find some one OUTSIDE of work. You will most likely end up with more crap in the long run.

Start being a man - meet women. Be a man - no more Wuss behavior. You're a busy guy.

You got it, babe!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_17_211.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)
Looks like you found another **!

Don't take that as a victory. It's WAY too late Just treat her as a colleague/professional. DO NOT anser any more of her persoanl e-mails - questions.

Again - find some one OUTSIDE of work. You will most likely end up with more crap in the long run.

Start being a man - meet women. Be a man - no more Wuss behavior. You're a busy guy.

Wildcat do me a favour. Instead of posting blindly. Read my previous posts. Do just go these websites and copy and paste them to here? None of it sounds like your own or makes sense to the context. For instance what e-mail exchange are you babbling about. We haven't exchange e-mails since the breakup.

You sound like a cave man. BE MAN- NO WUSS- ME HUNGRY

I beg you to read, then post according the context.

Please do not start on how you deal only in tough love.

You did not read mine. And you constatly have said you return her e-mail.

You still want his gal back and she isn't coming back. Too many mistakes.

Everything you've done is soft until you told her off.

Truth hurts.

Keep doing what you're doing gand tell me how that's working out for you.

If you ever, and I mean ever want to move on with your life, get away from your X, they will try to control you, keep you unhappy by dragging along your feelings.

If your ex works where you do, change jobs, move to a new city
heck move to a new country if you have to. But if you wish to start a new life and move on, you have to do that move on.

I agree - that's why it's best not to have anything to do with them.

Wildcat do me a favour. Instead of posting blindly. Read my previous posts. Do just go these websites and copy and paste them to here? None of it sounds like your own or makes sense to the context. For instance what e-mail exchange are you babbling about. We haven't exchange e-mails since the breakup.

You sound like a cave man. BE MAN- NO WUSS- ME HUNGRY

I beg you to read, then post according the context.

Please do not start on how you deal only in tough love. One_life, that's just wildcat's way, but he means well, just like me and my smileys'. Remember that nobody's 100% perfect. Go punch a pillow, and get back with us when things get too stressful.
Ta Ta for Now, Chery

She wants your body really bad :D

All right people, don't make me get mid evil on your asses. LOL

So, I feel better just ignoring her at work. I don't even anknowlege her anymore. I know it is driving her up the wall. She brought it on herself. Lied to me during our relationship and lied to me at the end of our relationship and also continues to lie to this day. She should learn that her actions have consequences.

She can't stay friends with me, so she can be satisfied(I don't get that). All this time she thought that she had me tangled around her finger. No way in hell am I going to give her that. Like I said befoe she hates being ignored, and that is exactly what I'm going to do. When she has respect for me and does not regard me as one of her chess play pieces in her stupid games, then maybe I'll acknowlege her. Respect is earned, and as of today she lost what little respect I had for her.

Get Mid-Evil?? :D :D :D :D Very Funny!
You are on the right track my man, keep it up!

How about not thinking about this gal anymore and moving on. The fact that your still posting about her is a big problem. Why on earth do you care about this woman? She lied to you, plays games, is with another guy AT WORK and you still are upset over her? Move brother - it's time. Find a real woman.

Boo Hoo! Cry me a river.................Katiy - You are into genealogy? I think you are missing some and need to find them - sure hope you find them soon. You said I was an alien in one post, at least I have all my links, which I doubt you have..

Sorry this had to happen on this thread, but I'm sick and tired of this crap and don't need to take any more.

:mad:

Alright people, don't make me get mid evil on your asses. LOL

So, I feel better just ignoring her at work. I don't even anknowlege her anymore. I know it is driving her up the wall. She brought it on herself. Lied to me during our relationship and lied to me at the end of our relationship and also continues to lie to this day. She should learn that her actions have consequences.

She can't stay friends with me, so she can be satisfied(I don't get that). All this time she thought that she had me tangled around her finger. No way in hell am I going to give her that. Like I said befoe she hates being ignored, and that is exactly what I'm going to do. When she has respect for me and does not regard me as one of her chess play pieces in her stupid games, then maybe I'll acknowlege her. Respect is earned, and as of today she lost what little respect I had for her.Honey, don't worry about her anymore. The only one you can change is yourself - so don't waste your time with anyone else or how they might, could, should, turn out. This is taking away energy you could put to better use.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)P.S. instead of letmeno, I meant YOU! and sorry I had to tell someone else off on your thread..

Things have taken a drastic change for my ex. The guy she was seeing at work turned into psychopath. Appearently she wanted to break it off with him and he wouldn't hear of it. I had no idea about all of this, because I was ignoring her at work. I came to know only when the guy approched me at work and made some comments about the ex. Then I get a call later on from the ex asking me not give out any personal info about her to this guy. I tell her that I wouldn't give out anything out to this guy, and how could she even think I'd do that. I also told her to leave me out of their problems.

That is when she starts to appoligize (crying) and tells me how this guy is making death threats towards her and harassing her through phone calls and text messages and also threating to show up at her home. That is when I tell her she should call the police and report him, but she says she'll first make a comlpliant at work. I tell her to do what she thinks is right.

Because of the holidays the HR dept was closed so she could not complain to them, but she did tell her supervisors.

Appreantly the guy is so pariniod that he thinks she is breaking up with him because of me.

He threatened to kill me at work because I told him to leave her alone. He wanted to fight me. The dumb thing is that he did in front of the supervisers at work. Well there is an on going investigation at work right now. He is been suspended in the mean while, I guess he'll be terminated soon. It is no big deal to me, because I've been threatened before many times, but it is causing a lot of grief for the ex, I see it in her eyes, even though she tells me she is OK.

I think she used me as an excuse to break up with him. He just got crazier.

PS. All the threats are real towards her, she is not faking it. I'm feeling sorry for her.
This an update.

Damn bro, sorry to hear that. I think you are going about it the right way though, big ups to you! Where are you located? I got your back!! In in Atlanta buddy, hahahahahaha. Good luck with all of this, seriously, way to handle this like a real adult!:cool:

one_life, just read your latest post here. That was a pretty unexpected turn of events, actually pretty scary. If this guy is truly a nut, I would HIGHLY recommend that you begin looking for a new job as quickly as you can. I know you said you've been threatened many times before, but it only takes one guy to lose control and decide he wants to really hurt you. These people are unreasonable and once they crack they are capable of creating chaos and causing damage beyond repair. When your ex goes to HR to report this guy, it is going to make him pretty mad and being fired isn't going to stop him from coming after her or you for that matter.

I think you were right about her maybe using you as an excuse to dump him, but that just goes to show you she hasn't changed. She's willing to let this guy wreak havoc on you to get rid of him. Not cool. I would keep as much distance as possible from her if I were you. She got herself into this mess because she was playing games with the both of you, let her get herself out of it. If she comes crying to you again, tell her you aren't the police or HR and there's nothing you can or will do about it. Please look out for yourself.

Babe, as hard as it seems, I agree with momincali. The fact that this young lady used you to get rid of him, and before that, used him to get your reaction shows that she's still only thinking about herself and wants that 'knight in shining armor'. She needs to take matters into her own hands and stop playing the 'poor little me' bit.
You did the right thing advising her to go through the proper officials and to the police. If she comes to you again, suggest she move to another place to live, but that's as far as your 'obligations' should go, except for maybe suggesting she see a therapist. Don't be her 'crutch' or you'll wind up going back to where we started and I don't think you want that. You have a big heart, but that also leaves you open for more pain, so first and foremost you must think of your stability. Don't go through any guilt trip - you've gone through enough. Good luck and have a peaceful and healthy New Year!

Yeah dude you handled this the right way. Hopeflly she LEARNS something from this and that she is WAY better off with a Good Guy like you.

You should help her out as a guy like this is dangerous in the work place. I would separately go to the HR department and advise on what happened - ONLY IF your company does not have a policy or highly frown on inner-company dating. You need documentation that he threatened you - and with her documentation your company will see he is a loose cananon. Goingto the police would be a good step on this guy as you need to document that.

LIKE I ALWAYS SAY - don't dip your pen in the company ink. 80% of the time it turns out bad.

This other guy needs to learn from it as well.

What a freak with a guy saying no to a gal. This a big sickness.

WOW, I can't believe my eyes. Wildcat suggesting that I help out my ex. Are you feeling OK? Lol.

Anyway, being serious and all, thanks for all the advises, to all of you.

I'll keep you guys updated

In this case - yes. Now you see the perils of work romance.

Hopefully she has learned something BIG here.

Oh and Dude - if you still feel this gal is worthy (make sure on this) - it would be your time to SHINE!!

If not, then maybe you have lkearned something as well.

So what happened Dude??

The guy beens fired from work. He's been terminated.

Well, what can I say. The ex and I are talking now. I took her to the movies the other night. We spend more time together at work. I guess she truly sees that even after all she did to me, I still stood up for her. At this point I'm enjoying her company. I don't know what the future holds. Maybe there is a chance for us. Only time will tell.

Any suggestions?

Good for you man. Just have your barriers up this time AND show you've changed - show you are your hip to it.

Have fun with her... make sure to tease her, and make fun of her once in a while. Women crave that - seriously. Amp it up. Just be the fun guy - no pressure - don't ask ANY 'where do we stand questions', that's a woman's job and beprepared with a funny come back.

That guy seems like a massive loose canoon. He deserved to be fired.

And for the love of GOD!! - please give her space. Don't contact her 5 times a day!! Make her contact you. REMEMBER to do your own thing - hang with your friends, family, etc.

Be busy once a while. Have a hobby.

Learn to SAY NO to her.

She is not your life. She is only part of your life. Don't put as much importance into this early on or you will be back where you were before.

I BET she has learned something as well.

Having read your entire post plus the comments the only thing that I worry about is you work in the same place. Not many that I have seen handle it very well ,but I wish you luck and I hope you and your lady happiness!:cool:

The guy beens fired from work. He's been terminated.

Well, what can I say. The ex and I are talking now. I took her to the movies the other night. We spend more time together at work. I guess she truly sees that even after all she did to me, I still stood up for her. At this point I'm enjoying her company. I don't know what the future holds. Maybe there is a chance for us. Only time will tell.

Any suggestions?After all the trials and tribulations you both have gone through, maybe there is a chance for you to make it. You both are aware of what you are capable of and she just might know, understand, and appreciate you more now, I certainly hope so. You're right, no one knows what the future holds, but we can always try and grab that bit of happiness which we all deserve. Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

M2

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Thanks for the advises boys and girls lol.

I'll keep you all posted.

I bet she may have a new appreciation for you.

JUST REMEMBER what pushed her away I nthe first place and do the opposite.

I think I'm getting too comfortable and close with my ex. From what I can tell she looks likes she is interested. I believe I should back off a bit. We spend too much time together at work and I drop her off at home these days. When I'm with her I tend to slip and call her honey or baby. I do a lot of touching too and she does too. Sometime It feels like we are like a couple again, but without the kissing and love making. Other times it feels like we best friends. I'm afraid it is too soon to get serious. I don't want to rush things. Any suggestions on how take this slow?

This might sound selfish, but this time around I'm looking out for my own feelings. I don't want to get hurt.


Yes I do go on dates. And yes I do go out with my friends. I'm very busy with my life outside work. The problem is when I'm at work I'm spending too much time with her. And no I don't call her.

"I believe I should back off a bit". - That would be wise. Don't fall into the friend zone.

"around I'm looking out for my own feelings" - you have to always - build barriers.

There are no fast or fixed rules for dating and relationships because everyone is so different.Where you may be experienced that doesn't mean that my advice would work for you.We all have to ue our best instincts to work our way through the web of life and no one can predict the outcome.Sometimes you must weigh the risk of your actions against what you want as the final outcome.Just because you take the risk is no guarantee you will get what you want ,but if you don't take a risk you will seldom get what you want,So if you've fiqured out what it is you want, I say go for it!If your not so sure I would hold back and give myself time to think about what it is I really wanted and come up with a plan to get it.Please find out how YOU really feel before you tamper with the feelings of another!:cool:

Assess your 'friendship' again and read the thread from the beginning, if need be to refresh your memory of what you went through. Please do not go so far as to seek revenge of any type as this would only hurt you inside. If you do care about this woman, you have to heal and learn to forgive, only when you can do that, then you can take it further. You've been the 'knight in shining armor' now and have had many other roles in her life so far - what role does she have in yours?
I'm sure you'll know what to do - no matter what you decide. Again, keep us posted.

Are there succuss stories of people getting back together and it working out?Is it a good idea or bad?

Yes, yes, yes... I've helped gals and gals do this... many... BUT: You can't break because of cheating, lies - you need to maintain levels of respect and trust. (yes those do break down). There CAN NEVER be any abuse - verbal, mental, physcial.

BUT, you have to change.

It sounds like in your situation you can win back - but you have to SHOW you've changed. Show it - no more jealousy, no more insecure - you are the fun guy, the guy she can count on, the guy who also has a life.

I was separated from my current boyfriend for two whole years, and refused to even talk to him, although we live in the same building. He came to me several time to try and make amends, but I kept strong. After the two years I accepted a Christmas dinner invitation and we've been together again every since - this is three years now. He did change a bit - not jealous, demeaning, and even helps in the kitchen. He also has started watching comedy shows with me to spend time with me doing something I like. So, yes it is possible. Now, when he upsets me, I tell him right off the bat and we clear it up and don't go to bed angry at each other anymore, but we still do have some great spats - the making up is fun. He used to drink a lot, and he's even stopped that and drinks one weekend a month at a friend's house, and comes home not yelling anymore either.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_33_13.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Hey everybody how is it going? Its been a long time. Well, I'm still work at the place with my ex, yes she is still my ex. This is the way I figure it, she broke up with me, and she wants to get back with she has to at least make an effort. I'm not going to be the one to initiate anything this time. I'm not going to play any games here. If she wants me back and she is too stuborn to say so, then let it stay that way.

It took me so many months just to get over the hurt. I'm much stronger and I am moving on. If she even initiates anything then it is up to me if I really want to be in a relationship with her at that stage of my life. In the mean while I'll continue to do what I do, and move on with my life.

Now that's what I call growing up and correcting your mistakes,a very mature attitude.

Good job. And DATE!! Date!! Date!!

Takes a lot of frogs sometimes.

Hey everybody how is it going? Its been a long time. Well, I'm still work at the place with my ex, yes she is still my ex. This is the way I figure it, she broke up with me, and she wants to get back with she has to at least make an effort. I'm not going to be the one to initiate anything this time. I'm not going to play any games here. If she wants me back and she is too stuborn to say so, then let it stay that way.

It took me so many months just to get over the hurt. I'm much stronger and I am moving on. If she even initiates anything then it is up to me if I really want to be in a relationship with her at that stage of my life. In the mean while I'll continue to do what I do, and move on with my life. SUPER PROUD OF YOU, and do what Wildcat suggests - don't stay at home. Glad we were able to be here for you, and will continue to be.

Love, Chery



http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Hi everyone. Well I still stand by what I said in my last post. I think she is trying to make me jealous now. I used to give her rides home after work. In the last few days, she is being picked up by someone else. I think that is her attempt to make me feel jealous. I instead as usually acted indifferent to that.

Jjkljkljkljkl

No, I think that's her attempt that she's moved on. You need to do the same. Unfortunately, you had done too much danage. Again, leave her alone. Only be cordial with her for now - no seriosu conversatiosn - don't return the e-mail. Don't answer her calls... quit giving her rides. You've been friended. Still playing the 'nice guy'.

I'm not going to be the one to initiate anything this time. I'm not going to play any games here. If she wants me back and she is too stuborn to say so, then let it stay that way.

It took me so many months just to get over the hurt. I'm much stronger and I am moving on. If she even initiates anything then it is up to me if I really want to be in a relationship with her at that stage of my life. In the mean while I'll continue to do what I do, and move on with my life.

Read your own words, listen to us and stop thinking about her. You've done well in getting over it - now get off your duff and start meeting new people, and wash this (******) out of your head, or you will be a basket case!

I know it's easy giving others advice, and hard to take it when you're involved, but for goodness sake - wake up and smell the coffee now!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) If I could, I'd reach through the monitor and spank you!

Stop being 'nice' to her because she isn't coming back that way - ever.

Hi One_Life,
I think that she may have gotten a vibe from you that you were still a little too interested in her and she felt she had to somewhat detach to not give you the wrong impression and encourage a come-on. This may be her way of controlling the distance she keeps from you. This way, she decides when she calls, when she emails, when she glances over at you. That's a lot of control. I would suggest that you don't answer her calls, don't return them if she leaves a message, don't email or text her and don't return her emails or texts. If she glances at you at work, don't smile at her or wave unless she does it first. If she asks why you don't return her calls and so-forth, let her know you are usually out with friends and don't spend much time at home and when you are there, you usually have company. I'm not asking you to be rude in any way or form, just not overly friendly. No need to ask her personal questions, keep it business-friendly and a little fun, but not necessarily fun solely for her, just light.

Let me set the record straight here, I never call her, I never e-mail or text her, I never flirt with her at work. I been sort of seeing and dating some other women in the last month and half. I've noticed that I'm acting indifferent towards her, she also noticed this and number of times brought it to my attention directly or indirectly. The only reason I give her rides home is cause it is pretty late when we get off work. Just before Vilentines day, she was acting all warm and fussy with me, I never returned any sort of feelings. I never called or wished her anything on vilentines day. I could see she was kind of dissapointed about it. She makes all these remarks about how other women at work have the hots for me. So I'm the one showing no interest at least in the past month and half.

As for her, she might just be feeling left out and wants my attention. I don't think she'll ever put in the work to get me back, instead she'll leave it up to me. I got to admit she is selfish. I bet she doesn't even remember what she did or how she used a lame excuse to breakup with me. Like some people, they breakup with you for no good reason and then start to want you back, not remembering the hurt they put you through. I an't going through that again. She better put in the work if she wants me back, instead of playing stupid games like trying to make me jealous. That only makes me distance myself away further. It only disgust me more.

"I would suggest that you don't answer her calls, don't return them if she leaves a message, don't email or text her and don't return her emails or texts." - I've been telling him that for months - he says he doesn't do this, but I believe other wise.

He SAYS he doesn't this stuff... yet there he is giving her a ride - being a sap.

I don't know if this means anything, lately my ex (works at the same place) been giving me a funny vibe. She moved to our department(3 weeks back), so I get to see her more often now. I catch her sneeking peeks at me and then turns away quickly, giving me smiles once too many. Saying hi more then before. Just a week back she called to say hi and see what I was up to. I took that as she wanted to know what I was up to and nothing more. I don't know what to make of it. I don't want to read too much into it. Any clues on whats really going on?.................



Hi,
A lot of guys are not able to understand how women show the way they feel about a guy but at least you are looking for an answer. If your ex is smiling at you and saying hi so often than she is probably trying to say that she still has feelings for you and wants you to talk to her. Weather you want to talk to her or not is up to you but if you like her still than you should talk to her and try to be friends maybe ther's still a fire burning but you have to decide if you are willing to be in a relationship with her again.

Yeah, in the movies.

In real life, people want what they can't have. Always.

Those are tests. You keep responding to them and you fail. She wants the chase, believe me. Challenge.

Hi,
a lot of guys are not able to understand how women show the way they feel about a guy but at least you are looking for an answer. If your ex is smiling at you and saying hi so often than she is probably trying to say that she still has feelings for you and wants you to talk to her. Weather you want to talk to her or not is up to you but if you like her still than you should talk to her and try to be friends maybe ther's still a fire burning but you have to decide if you are willing to be in a relationship wiht her again.

Thanks for the advise on that post, but I was my very first original post for this thread.
Its confusing to peope, since they start to put the original post on top of page.

Wildcat do you ever read anything? Damn!!

Yeah, in the movies.

In real life, people want what they can't have. Always.

Those are tests. You keep responding to them and you fail. She wants the chase, believe me. Challenge.

What else is new with you. Always the same old tired stuff. Did you read what I wrote in my last post, or as usual you blindly posted the first thing that came into your mind. It makes me wonder how you sustain a relationship with a women with that attitude. You have an annoying nagging trait about you. Never listening to others, always bursting out your criticism.

Are you calling me liar, cause that is exactly what you're doing. When I post something here, I just don't make it up for your entertainment and amusment. When I say I did not do those things you're accusing me off, I mean it.
Maybe a bit of trust is acquired on your part. You know the same trust you always talk about in a relationship. Trust in your fellow human too, not just between a man and woman in a relationship.

Please don't start on how you deal in tough love now. I heard it all before. You have no sound advise to give based on what I post, then don't give it at all. I just think you like to see your irrelevant to the topic, posts here, maybe you get a kick out or a rush out of it.

P.S. No more copying and pasting of stuff that you get from relationship sites. Come up with your own thoughts. It is known as copyright infringement.

Dear one_life, I'm certain that by now, with all the time, effort, emotion and frustration you've invested in this particular relationship, you are probably very sick and tired of it.

You have, I've noticed, advanced to the stage where indifference is priority and that's good for you. If she does want you back, it's on her to prove that she is worthy - without playing those games. You are way past the game-playing stage and are ready for a sincere relationship. If with her, or someone else, I'm sure that you will manage, no matter what.

You now have benefited from your 'roller-coaster' ride and have landed on sound feet from what I read and am glad that some way we were able to contribute to this metamorphosis.

Through this experience, you have also been able to contribute experienced advice to others and I'm proud that you took this initiative and will continue to help others as well.

No matter the outcome, I hope you stay on with us and expect to see more posts from you.

I'm sure I don't need to caution you about 'rebounds', but it's just something I think I need to remind you about, and that not all girls are the same.

You proved that people can change for the better and am sure that you will give others the chance to do so and will encourage them as well.

Lots of love and luck,
Chery (Mom2)
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Dear one_life, I'm certain that by now, with all the time, effort, emotion and frustration you've invested in this particular relationship, you are probably very sick and tired of it.

You have, I've noticed, advanced to the stage where indifference is priority and that's good for you. If she does want you back, it's on her to prove that she is worthy - without playing those games. You are way past the game-playing stage and are ready for a sincere relationship. If with her, or someone else, I'm sure that you will manage, no matter what.

You now have benefited from your 'roller-coaster' ride and have landed on sound feet from what I read and am glad that some way we were able to contribute to this metamorphosis.

Thru this experience, you have also been able to contribute experienced advice to others and I'm proud that you took this initiative and will continue to help others as well.

No matter the outcome, I hope you stay on with us and expect to see more posts from you.

I'm sure I don't need to caution you about 'rebounds', but it's just something I think I need to remind you about, and that not all girls are the same.

You proved that people can change for the better and am sure that you will give others the chance to do so and will encourage them as well.

Lots of love and luck,
Chery (Mom2)
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Thank you very much