I cheated on my husband last night,I have slept with another man while my husband was away, I feel real bad... I didn't eat anything till now. The story goes like this:
My husband traveled to another country on a business trip, then while I was shopping I saw this man who used to be my ex boyfriend four years ago, we were happy to see each other, we went to a drink, then he invited me over his apartment, apartment I told him I got married and we were just chillin drinking and talking, then one thing led to another, and we ended up having sex... I woke up this morning feeling real guilty and cold, empty from inside, wishing to die for what I have done, I don't know what to do, to cease the pain I feel right now, I am dying slowly... please tell me what to do, should I tell my husband and ask for his forgiveness, or just try to forget about it and go one with my life and promise myself not to do it again..

Well am not sure what is going to happen or how your husband will react after he knew that you cheated on him... it's better you forget about what happen last night with a promise to yourself that you will never do it again no matter what was the circumstances...

Ms. Redrose

I would say go speak with some confidants of yours. How much do you value your husband, your relationship, your life with him? Have you thought about talking to a counselor (via phone if not in person)?

I would let sleeping dogs lie. Do not tell any of your friends and cut all ties with the ex. Tell him no contact. If friends know they have something on you.

Just chill.

Hello.

Your in a bad place right now. You have to look at a few things like did anyone see you with him. How would your husband react if you told him. The big question is what is going to let you live with what you did.

You have to live with how you deal with this, if you lie / don't say anything will that eat you up inside. Is there any possible way your husband could find out about this, is there any possible way your ex will want you back and push to get you back.

As you can see the deck is stacked for you telling him before he finds out another way. He will find out, many people say they did things in the past and their husband / wife never found out. I would say 90% of the husbands / wife's knew something happened but didn't say anything about it.

Lets look at this in another way... If you can do this and not feel guilt (that he will see in you) for doing it then are you really in Love with your husband.

Dennis777

The questions I have are the following:

1) How old are you?
2) How long have you been married?
3) Describe your relationship with your father? Your prents?
4) Describe your marriage.. Ups and Downs... Good and bad?
5) Has this happened before/
6) How much does your husband travel?
7) How often are you intimate with him usually a week?
8) Did you use protection with your EX?
9) What do you/your husband do for a living?
10) Descibe your best friend.

Answer these ?'s and I will give you a precise answer.
Thanks!

Hang in there...

get your reddies stαrted

Where wαs thαt feeling before you fell on your bαck

To me it seems not like the first time you've cheαted (hαve you cheαted in previous relαtionships?) if so this is α pαttern, your husbαnd needs to know-- don't cover it up.. tell him-- you reαp whαt you sow..

In my blunt opinion: cheαting pisses me off.. αnd yeα you feel bαd but who cαres your guilty.. good you did wrong-- you don't deserve α pαt on the bαck becαuse you recognized you did wrong.. your husbαnd needs to know he hαs the right to know.. whαtever decision he tαkes to stαy or leαve is whαt your going hαve to fαce-- just remember you reαp whαt you sow..

If you see αdmitting to him αs α wαy to cleαr your conscience your going the wrong wαy lαdy.. you done him wrong proved to him thαt your vαlues of mαrriαge αre obviously not cleαr αnd obviously you lαck trustworthiness, honesty αnd fαithfulness..

Seek counseling with or without your husbαnd

Saraispie you are right, I did wrong, but don't judge people, I used to judge people rudely like you but now I am in their shoe.
Ash123 thank you for your concern but I can't answer your questions, too much informations, you might be my husband or related to him.
The rest thank you all, I will take the advice of not telling my husband, because I love him so much and I know that if I tell him he will never forgive me, and I can't afford losing him.. I will pray for God to forgive my sins and the secret will die with me, I told my ex that I don't want anything to do with him and that it was a mistake, I know him well he will never push to get me back if it will ruin my life...
Thank you all for not ignoring my question.

This is a torn situation. You really need to think this all through and look at the pros and cons of it all.

Sure, the easy way is to not tell him... to never tell him... to keep that skeleton in the closet and pretend all is well in your world.

But you need to think long and hard, is keeping that secert something that is going to tear you apart inside, and inevitably cause problems in your marriage. Think about it... you are being dishonest with your husband, you have broken the trust that is to exist in a marriage, it is going to be in the back of your head always. Is not being honest with your husband, something you can deal with when you look into his eyes?

Keeping this secret may be something that ends your marriage by itself, it will be more hurtful if it comes to light down the road, and he knows you weren't honest with him. At least you could tell him and try to work through it together, otherwise your marriage is based on lies and dishonesty.

I understand. Good luck.

But I would suggest digging deeper... with someone or yourself.

macksmom, why are you making it hard to me, I wish nothing like that happened, and I feel so guilty, please don't force me to think of killing myself, I am dying slowly already... God forgives, why can't people forgive? What do you want me to do now? You are saying something wrong will happen and he will know, what if he didn't? Put yourself in my place, and feel my pain. I was stupid enough to do what I have done, and I have to live with it the rest of my life, I just want another chance and I promise I will never do it again. Please do understand my setuation...

Once you cheat you can never go back. If anyone is thinking of cheating please remember this, please.

Beyond all the potential harm and damage to those you love or you are involved with, cheating puts a "crack" in what may have been a solid foundation and will weaken it forever. Things will never be the same for you or your partner because now you have changed, and that alone will change the relationship.

I'm sorry if this is cruel but this is something very personal for me, my first wife cheated and it was devastating. She didn't have to tell me although she did eventually, I sensed it almost immediately.

"If you don't stand for something-----you WILL fall for everything." I am really not trying to sound high and mighty or too judgmental, and I apologize if I sound that way. But I have never cheated, although I have had clear opportunities over the years. All I'm saying is what does it all mean if we can't keep our promises, especially to those we say we love?

Without answering ANY questions, I can't help... See if any can be answered.

The reason I ask is that there are many different scenarios for why things happen and what the result will be - and if I can sort out the dynamic of your marriage I can ascertain how for you to get stronger - and not weaker.

macksmom, why r u making it hard to me, i wish nothing like that happened, and i feel so guilty, please don't force me to think of killing my self, i am dying slowly already...God forgives, why can't people forgive? what do u want me to do now? u r saying something wrong will happen and he will know, what if he didn't? put ur self in my place, and feel my pain. i was stupid enough to do what i have done, and i have to live with it the rest of my life, i just want another chance and i promise i will never do it again. Please do understand my setuation......

Honey I'm not making it hard on you... you did that yourself. I understand that you may be sorry, and will never do it again etc. But the fact is that you DID do it. The deed is already done and can't be undone. Hiding the fact won't change that... it won't go away. Like I said, it will most likely tear you apart inside, because you know you haven't been honest with your husband.

If you are asking me to forgive why can't you ask that of your husband... we are not judging you here.

I am not telling you something definitely will happen... but hiding the truth from your husband isn't part of a marriage, and is bound to cause problems down the road. For example... if you don't tell him, and you get away with him never knowing... won't you ever think that he could do the same thing? Those questions are going to torment you.

You say you want another chance, but that's not what hiding it will do. Hiding the fact that you slept with another man is not giving you a second chance... that only comes from being honest with your husband and him being able to give that chance to you.

I feel sorry for your husband!
Stop chasing too much fun now, learn to be content! What goes around, comes around!
I wish there is a law in this country that spouse who cheat gets caught can be sued!!

Well you should feel bad and then be honest with yourself you were lonely and wanted companionship...
DONOT hide it,it will do more damage later then now tell him then suck it up and face the fire.. you just might be surprised at what happens..
Had my wife been honest and upfront I would have forgave her sooner... eight years later we are friends again and have relations from time to time while we do what we want.. we are not married because she wasn't honest about her's..
Ask him to forgive you and then don't get upset if it takes him a long time to fully trust you again because the trust will be broken for a time

Good luck and don't lie

Saraispie u r right, i did wrong, but don't judge people, i used to judge people rudely like u but now i am in their shoe...
So your α hypocrite too?. I'm not being rude I'm being blunt αnd sorry I'm not sαying "oh well gee αt leαst you feel bαd hun.. it's okαy.."-- hα! You need more thαn α slαp on the wrist.. αnd there αre plenty of people thαt would think so-- including your husbαnd!


The rest thank u all, i will take the advice of not telling my husband, because i love him so much and i know that if i tell him he will never forgive me, and i can't afford losing him.....
Your plαying with fire lαdy--αnd guess whαt your going to get burned.. whomever told you to not tell your husbαnd obviously gαve you BAD αdvice! How cαn you decieve someone you love? How cαn you lie to him everydαy.. see him in the fαce knowing you destroyed the purity of your mαrriαge? -- your simply sweeping the dirt under the rug.. lαdy your gonnα hαve bigger problems.. don't tαke the eαsy wαy out or whαt is good-right-now becαuse you'll deαl with something bigger lαter αnd I cαn bet my own α-- thαt he will be leαving yours if he finds out from someone else or lαter!!


I will pray for God to forgive my sins and the secret will die with me..
I'm sorry but god sαys to confess your sins -- not only to him but to whom you did wrong.. not only do you hαve to mαke right with your husbαnd but to god αs well.. why αre you αsking for god's forgiveness mαy I αsk-- αre you in some sort of religious αffliαtion?-- god-feαring people αsk for forgiveness so they cαn go to heαven.. hiding/denying your sins will just leαve you condemned.. αsk αny pαstor or look online. Here's α source: The forgiveness of sin by God (http://www.uniquebiblestudy.com/topic90.htm)


i told my ex that i don't want anything to do with him and that it was a mistake, i know him well he will never push to get me back if it will ruin my life
You don't know thαts the thing-- you don't know the motives of αnyone's heαrt.. I bet your husbαnd "knows" thαt you wouldn't cheαt on him.. yet you did.. whαt mαkes you think he won't sαy αnything or it might slip up in α conversαtion which lαter ends up in your husbαnds eαrs..

You mαy not believe in kαrmα but there is something out there thαt mαkes whαtever you do come bαck bαck to you.. beαt it! Tell your husbαnd-- it's eαsier sαid thαn done but it's the right thing-- in this you will show him you love him [by not hαving dαngerous secrets]

Good luck to yα <3

Stringer agrees: You are 100% correct saraispiel19; I may have missed it if this was brought up BUT no matter what she thinks she could have already done more damage---what about STD's

Not only STD's my friend but unwαnted pregnαncy, even losing respect from people, building α bαd rep. losing trust, being doubted or second-guessed upon.. there αre plenty of things.. the list goes on.. every crime comes with α price.

To take Saraispiel19's saying:
Everyone is entitled to be stupid but some people αbuse the priviledge-- I'll be sure to tell you if you αre:)
Mrs. unfaithful,
You may not be able to hide the deed, and it is WRITTEN "the deeds done in the Dark are soon brought into the light".
TELL THE TRUTH it hurts him more the longer you wait

Feels like a bit of piling on at this point... But maybe that's just me.

Thank you all, when ever I try to forget what I have done, and I succeed in forgetting, I open this site to remember, it's tearing my heart apart, I will take your advice, and tell my husband as soon as he comes back, and may God help my lost soul, pray for me all that he forgives me, although I doutbt it, saraispie when I was judging people I wan't being hypocrite, I was being honest, but in a cruel way, I never planned to do such a mistake, and if I'm taking the advice of telling my husband its surly not because you confessed me with your cruel way, but because I knew it was the right thing to do but I was denying it out of the fear to lose my husband, next time if you want to advice people do it in a nice way, you might cause more harm and damage, the rest of you who advised me thank you all I appreciate it. Now I have to face my destiny, pray for me all...

Telling your husband only relieves your own guilt but will remain in his mind for all time. If I were you, you should try to be less selfish, and think about your husbands situation too--- make the most of your time together, create a warm, loving and welcoming home for him.. and forget about that mistake.

The best way to get rid of guilt is by doing good.. it might help you to start as soon as possible.

Stalyx what to do, I am confused, I just want to do what is right, if you were my husband, would you prefer not to know the truth? I am really confused I don't know what is the wise thing to do

The right way to go is tell the truth, and be willing to accept the consequences of your actions. Not easy as it may change your life. Living alone with the lie would be the easy way out, but if it ever comes to light it will be even more devastaing, to you and your husband. Either way you will pay in some form or fashion, at a time not of your choosing. Just my opinion though, a life built around lies, is not a life.

Ah don't worry about it, he's probably knocking down some hot foreign chic on his business trip..

And we are supposed to just coddle people... This is a forum where we speak our minds, what I said is more than likely true... and just because I had the sack to say it doesn't mean that you should bad rep me... This society is just to PC (politically correct)... The only reason that she has never found out is that when her hubby decided to get some strange, he made a choice to make his peace with God and not with her.. i.e... keep it a secret.. all she can do by telling her spouse is make him angry and further wreck an already severely disfunctional marriage... I kicked in the back door on a lot of married women when I was a young Marine... and know that probably 60% if not higher men cheat, it's just part of their nature... Be it they won't admit it they do, old girlfriends, secretaries, a fat chic... something but it's happening...

I don't expect many of you to agree with me, but I think there's something to be said for her to simply accept she made a mistake and bury it forever, having learned the lesson.

We barely know anything about this person, her husband, or their life... All the advice we are giving is coming from our own perspectives. So, I think...

IF this was a one time mistake - and not a pattern...
IF this is something she can keep to herself and resolve within herself...
IF she honestly is committed to her marriage
IF she truly realizes the mistake she's made...

She might well be better off acknowledging what she did, forgiving herself, and working to make sure her life with her husband is the best it can be. If she knows she can spare her husband the pain of her bad choice, I think she should - despite the risks that have been noted.

Some of you have been out for blood - seemingly wanting her to "pay for what she's done".
I also think projecting your pain on to her as "the cheater" is wrong.

Granted - This might also be the big flashing neon sign that the marriage was doomed and going down the toilet anyway, since the women obviously felt, at some level, at that moment, it was "okay" to cheat.

I do agree with philly steak... nobody is perfect... I do not take your side either... what you have done is a mistake but on the other hand if you regret it and you won't repeat it again... then keep it for yourself do not share it with anyone you know... you have shared enough with us... and forget about it... closed chapter... and start new life... I do not think your husband is an angle either maybe he is having fun at his business trip... so do not be so harsh on yourself...

In order to forget about what you did... stop thinking, sharing, asking about what you have done...

Forget any & everything you have done... stop talking , thinking about it so that you can start again.

GOOD LUCK... and be a good girl ; ) just joking I know you are otherwise you won't feel guilty and blame yourself that much...

Ms. Redrose

macksmom, why r u making it hard to me, i wish nothing like that happened, and i feel so guilty, please don't force me to think of killing my self, i am dying slowly already...God forgives, why can't people forgive? what do u want me to do now? u r saying something wrong will happen and he will know, what if he didn't? put ur self in my place, and feel my pain. i was stupid enough to do what i have done, and i have to live with it the rest of my life, i just want another chance and i promise i will never do it again. Please do understand my setuation......

You wrote here that why can't people forgive. May I ask you one question? Why people like you are doing wrong things in relationships first? Think... if your husband deceived you like you did, would you showed forgiveness? If you really feeling bad tell the truth to him and face the consequences.

Ah don't worry about it, he's probably knocking down some hot foreign chic on his business trip..

Comments on this post
saraispiel19 disagrees: oh wow-- she didn't deserve thαt.. I'm pretty sure 80% of the people thαt reαd this thought the sαme but you don't hαve to sαy it
Clough disagrees: Unkind and insensible. How would you feel if you were in the poster's shoes?

Easy, I wouldn't be out on the internet looking to strangers to heal my soul. If she is so torn up about this then that is something that she should have thought about prior to letting an X boyfriend break her back while her hubby was away on business.. Also if she is unhappy enough in her marriage to shop outside the marriage when given the chance then more then likely that runs both ways.. In either instance she needs to just shut her mouth and her legs and move on with her life.. All she can do is cause more damage by trying to relieve her guilt by confessing to her hubby... So things are just better left unsaid,

Ah don't worry about it, he's probably knocking down some hot foreign chic on his business trip..
While your point is well taken, why didn't you just ask the question before you assumed her husband was cheating??

Again I thank all of those who tried to help me, I feel peace now, I talked with my husband while ago and felt that I love him more than ever, I will not tell him, and I will not talk about this subject again, I believe in having second chance, and I am willing to take care of my husband for the rest of my life. It was the first time I cheat on him, and I am not going to let this mistake ruin my life, life goes on...
Take care all and thank you for your time and effort.
Special thanks to phillysteakandchees, and pawsdogdaycare you really helped me a lot guys, but I don't think my husband is cheating on me.

Maymsredrose you are an angel, thank you dear, your answer was helpful... God bless you.

Do not mention it... I did nothing... Wish you the best of luck in your life...

Maymsredrose you are an angel, thank you dear, ur answer was helpful....God bless you.

Keep it to yourself or tell him either way it's your choice. My question is what if the boyfriend of 4 years ago jumps in the sack with everyone he meets and has an Sexually transmitted disease, then isn't it awfully unfair of you to subject your husband to that possibility. If it were me I would want to know that my hubby cheated so that I could protect myself from diseases.

Mam,
Promise yourself that u will never do like this and try to forgive yourself ,then don't nedd to ask any forgiveness.

All I have to say is for those to POLITICALLY CORRECT INDIVIDUALS in here, that did not have the intestenal fortitude to actually speak their mind, notice that I PAWSDOGDAYCARE got mentioned as actually helping the thread originator.. and to think I got 8 negative ratings for advice that was actually quite useful to the woman..

All I have to say is for those to POLITICALLY CORRECT INDIVIDUALS in here, that did not have the intestenal fortitude to actually speak their mind, notice that I PAWSDOGDAYCARE got mentioned as actually helping the thread originator.. and to think I got 8 negative ratings for advice that was actually quite useful to the woman..

The OP was searching for someone in the mist who would actually agree to what she had already decided to do before she posted... lie to her husband.

So pat yourself right on the back there, if it boosts your ego.

Don't worry, I'm sure the OP will actually mention you again, but this time it will most likely be when she is going through a divorce. ;)

The OP was searching for someone in the mist who would actually agree to what she had already decided to do before she posted.....lie to her husband.

So go ahead and pat yourself right on the back there, if it boosts your ego.

Don't worry, I'm sure the OP will actually mention you again, but this time it will most likely be when she is going through a divorce. ;)

Thanks I will... Begone, scurry away now... back to the soccer field, and all the other moms...

"lonely_soul disagrees: Don't worry i will not get through a divorce, i will have a great life with my husband, i wll live a great life, because i need a second chance, and to all those who said i might have an STD, WELL I'M NOT"

Well I guess you will just have to see, and hope your husband doesn't find out about the TRUE you. And next time get your facts straight... I never said anything about you having an STD... but just so you know, the risk is higher for people that have more than one partner.

Lonely soul :

First God will forgive you but that does not make any earthly consequences go away.
No one is perfect, everyone screws up, and He is the only judge.

If you do not tell him, yourself, what if he finds out from someone else? From the guy you were with, or someone who saw you and this other guy, or you slip up, or sometime down the line when your husband hurts your feelings, will you tell him about this then?

A good percent of people cheat.
I've cheated, and been cheated on, it sucks, that's this life.


If you tell him, pray first.
- first, you're being honest with yourself and accepting responsibility, rather than carrying this guilt for the rest of your life. Maybe , as another poster pointed out and not to be cruel, he has secrets too.
- If your marriage is meant to be, it will hurt, it will take time, it will take a lot of effort, but in the end it will make you both better and stronger IF there is forgiveness.
- if your marriage is not meant to be, well, I'm sorry for you both.





Grace and Peace

I posted my own entry called "When will I get over my wife's affair?" which is in the "relationships" section. Please read it.

The reason I "answer" your question here is I think I have a qualified opinion.

The "reason" you cheated is something that is happening deeper in your marriage that you need to resolve or it will become a bigger issue that your cheating will. The bottom line is - happy and content people in marriages do not cheat!!

My wife and I have been through hell and back since March 2007 when I "found out". At first she denied everything... but after an hour or so she confessed... and she then decided to tell me EVERYTHING. The first 60 days after SUCKED (the immediate 30 days after were the worst days of my LIFE). BUT - the cheating incident simply drew attention to our relationship and how broken it was.

The issues were so "deep" I (at first) could not see the issues. In fact, I would argue against them. We found a great therapist (you need a good one - not a "part timer") who laid it all out on the line and showed BOTH of us where we were going wrong. And believe me... we BOTH have things to work on.

I read a TON of books (some fantastic - but some to be used as kindling paper to start the next winter fire). I suggest Choice Theory by William Glasser (Amazon.com) which will NOT get you into trouble with hubby if he finds it around... but you will learn a LOT about relationships if you read it (I have read it 3 times).

So, what I am trying to say, is look at your RELATIONSHIP. Something is missing. Some unmet need(s). You only cheat if you "need" something (to be loved, heard, cared for, need an ego boost, feel attractive, seek attention... SOMETHING).

My opinion is - and this is hard for me to say - but you should tell your husband... but tell him when the time is right. When your relationship is strong and you are both in a "good place"... and clear your calendar for a few months. You will spend a LOT of time crying, talking, and BUILDING. I am STILL truly getting "over it". But we are stronger and closer than EVER BEFORE. We shared the guilt and problems... and the bigger the problem solved together the closer you grow together.

May God bless you for seeking help and advice. That is the first step. Most people would not have even done that. That tells me you WANT to do the right thing... and you know what that is.

We shared the guilt and problems... and the bigger the problem solved together the closer you grow together.

Thank you for these words of wisdom.

Hi lonelysoul. You are not alone. Thousands of other spouses-both men and women have been there, done that and never tell. Its fair that u realised u were wrong, and I promise u God has already forgiven u if you've asked. Those who condemn u... just know they don't believe the Blood of Christ really washes sin away. My advise, never tell yo husband unless u want to end yo marriage! He has his own secrets which would cause u to end the marriage if u found out!! We r only human, not Saints... thats why we r still on earth and faced with temptations every second. As long as you've confessed to God, u have a new life. And God is not counting how many times you've sinned. Take care.

Hi I have been in the same sort of thing as you, and I told my man
I wish I had not though, cause things have change big time for us, and not for the better only for the worse, so its really up to you, but I know what I would do.

I, just a day or so ago, posted my own question about my wife cheating. Mine happened years ago, 21 to be exact and each day I think about it many times. People tell you to let it go but when you loved someone so deeply it never goes away. We both had never been with anyone else, at least I thought. He will always be a part of our lives. I would have given anything if it hadn't happened but it did so I have the right to know all about her affair. She would only tell me a few things and not what happened. She stayed out at night until early morning and called him for months when I wasn't home and sometimes when I was home but she says nothing happened. It makes me feel as if she still shares things with him. Tell your husband what he wants to know, where you went and how many times and everythng about it. Tell him you don't want anything between you and him and this piece of trash means nothing to you. If he doesn't know he will always wonder about it. Everything will change for you both. You must try hard to love him and give him no reason to doubt you. It's going to be hard for you and the more he loves you the harder it will be for him to let it go.

I cheated on my husband last night,i have slept with another man while my husband was away, i feel real bad......i didn't eat anything till now. The story goes like this:
My husband traveled to another country on a business trip, then while i was shopping i saw this man who used to be my ex boyfriend four years ago, we were happy to see each other, we went to a drink, then he invited me over his apartment, apartment i told him i got married and we were just chillin drinking and talking, then one thing led to another, and we ended up having sex...... i woke up this morning feeling real guilty and cold, empty from inside, wishing to die for what i have done, i don;t know what to do, to cease the pain i feel right now, i am dying slowly.....please tell me what to do, should i tell my husband and ask for his forgiveness, or just try to forget about it and go one with my life and promise my self not to do it again...?
What has happened is happened.. no husband would tolerate what you did.. if I'm in that situation I feel the best is to apologize to your husband.. and forget the whole incident and have a good life with your hubby actively..

Life is all about giving and taking between loved ones.. im sure your hubby loves you more wnd wll not let you down.. if you choose not to tell.. thats also wise at one point.. because you not hurting your hubby inside because if you say he may break down inside and may not tell you that... miht become a big headache for both...

Its all in your hands.. if you trust yourself and make sure this situation doesn't repeat.. dont tell and don't repeat..
-good luck mrs.