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    AlexTheGod's Avatar
    AlexTheGod Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:12 PM
    Why won't my girlfriend do this with me?
    I'm in an online relationship with this girl. We text a lot, but we also talk through phone, play games, and watch shows at the same time. She's told me that she wants to come to my home and make our relationship one that we can have in reality. At the beginning of our relationship, we used to do this thing with our chat where we would pretend to be living together, and we would... do various sexual acts. We called it, "the skit". One day, when we weren't doing it, she asked me if I'd done this sort of thing with anyone else, and I truthfully answered that I had experimented one other time with one other girl (who I was not dating and never have) that had long ago ceased to be my friend. Ever since that day, whenever I bring up doing, "the skit", she gets nervous and tells me that she's not comfortable doing it yet. She's admitted that she wants to have sex with me in reality, and the thought of it turns her on. She says she doesn't know why she's uncomfortable doing it, and she hates that we can't do it because of her because she enjoys it and knows it's something I enjoy. My question is this: why is she uncomfortable with it, and how can I help her get over it?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:15 PM
    How old are you? How old is she?

    Have the two of you ever met in person or is this strictly a texting "relationship"?
    AlexTheGod's Avatar
    AlexTheGod Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:17 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Alty View Post
    How old are you? How old is she?

    Have the two of you ever met in person or is this strictly a texting "relationship"?
    We're both 18, we've never met in person because we're on opposite sides of the country, and as I said, we've called on the phone before.
    massplumber2008's Avatar
    massplumber2008 Posts: 12,778, Reputation: 1210
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    #4

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:34 PM
    Hi Alex. At 18 this doesn't sound very healthy or rewarding for either one of you. I'm not suggesting you stop this relationship, but I am suggesting that it will probably be a very long time before, or even if, you ever meet. At 18, playing "skits" is OK if you like it, but if she is uncomfortable and does not want to do it YET, it sure sounds to me like you did IT, and she didn't. I'm sure you know things like this rarely go well in the long run... usually leads to hurt feelings in the end.

    Specifically to your question. I have no idea why she is uncomfortable with it. The only person that knows that is her. I strongly suggest you ask her this question directly and LISTEN to her answer carefully. That is the only way you can, "help her get over it".

    Finally, have you thought about joining a local dating service, or have you tried dating sites like Match.comĀ® | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals : Match.com ? I would seriously consider looking into dating sites.. take things slow, but move forward to meet people that are more local to you and you can meet in real world.

    Just my thoughts...
    AlexTheGod's Avatar
    AlexTheGod Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by massplumber2008 View Post
    Hi Alex. At 18 this doesn't sound very healthy or rewarding for either one of you. I'm not suggesting you stop this relationship, but I am suggesting that it will probably be a very long time before, or even if, you ever meet. At 18, playing "skits" is OK if you like it, but if she is uncomfortable and does not want to do it YET, it sure sounds to me like you did IT, and she didn't. I'm sure you know things like this rarely go well in the long run... usually leads to hurt feelings in the end.

    Specifically to your question. I have no idea why she is uncomfortable with it. The only person that knows that is her. I strongly suggest you ask her this question directly and LISTEN to her answer carefully. That is the only way you can, "help her get over it".

    Finally, have you thought about joining a local dating service, or have you tried dating sites like Match.comĀ® | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals : Match.com ? I would seriously consider looking into dating sites.. take things slow, but move forward to meet people that are more local to you and you can meet in real world.

    Just my thoughts...
    I appreciate the answer, and I know that it will be a long time before we meet, and she does too.

    Neither of us have had any sex of any kind in reality. Me "experimenting" with the other was us doing the same thing I used to do with her: this "skit" thing.

    I have asked her directly why it affects her, but she just tells me that she doesn't know the exact feeling. She just knows that thinking about doing the "skit" with me makes her uncomfortable, and she doesn't know why. I am perfectly willing to go without doing this, but she tells me that it bothers her that we can't do it anymore because of me, so that's why I want to help her resolve it.
    massplumber2008's Avatar
    massplumber2008 Posts: 12,778, Reputation: 1210
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    #6

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:48 PM
    If she can't tell you why and it really bothers you then you have to tell her it isn't important to you anymore. Stand by your answer and move on without mentioning "skits" again. Over time, this should help her to be less concerned.

    I know people fall in love online every day nowadays... just seems to me that there is probably a local girl looking for a real person to meet, go out with and even have regular sex with. I also know that if you care about this person you will not move on easily so I can only wish you good luck!
    AlexTheGod's Avatar
    AlexTheGod Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 8, 2016, 02:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by massplumber2008 View Post
    If she can't tell you why and it really bothers you then you have to tell her it isn't important to you anymore. Stand by your answer and move on without mentioning "skits" again. Over time, this should help her to be less concerned.

    I know people fall in love online every day nowadays... just seems to me that there is probably a local girl looking for a real person to meet, go out with and even have regular sex with. I also know that if you care about this person you will not move on easily so I can only wish you good luck!
    I appreciate the answer. I don't know why online relationships are so shunned. Yes, they aren't real, but you can make them real. And I'm more than willing to ignore the skits part and continue the relationship normally. I still like her for who she is, and she still likes me for who I am. So, thank you again.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    Aug 8, 2016, 03:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by AlexTheGod View Post
    I appreciate the answer. I don't know why online relationships are so shunned. Yes, they aren't real, but you can make them real. And I'm more than willing to ignore the skits part and continue the relationship normally. I still like her for who she is, and she still likes me for who I am. So, thank you again.
    The ONLY way you can "make them real" is if someone or both move from where they live now. Until then all that's happening is you are both PRETENDING to have a relationship. And since neither of you really knows the other... anyone moving that far is going to result in disaster.

    One moves across the country for a really great job opportunity... not to date someone. Because they are leaving their friends, their family, their entire safety-net for something unknown. And at your ages, you aren't anywhere near having a nest egg to facilitate such a move... and a move back if and when it doesn't work out.

    Sorry to be blunt... but that's what I do, I'm also big on reality, not on fantasy. Fantasy is all you really have about the other person right now as well as them.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #9

    Aug 8, 2016, 05:30 PM
    How long have you been "dating"?

    It probably doesn't feel 'special' to her now that she knows you have played that game with someone else. What was your personal little fantasy world for two may seem like there is a third party sharing it. In a way there is for her. It may be a ghost of a long gone relationship, however, at 18, it can't be that long gone.

    Try talking about other fantasies. See if you can find new thoughts to explore.

    Frankly, I think there may be an element of moving too fast. That expectations may be higher than an on-line relationship can handle. Have you both been involved in in-person-dating experiences? How experienced in face-to-face dating are you? How many of your dating ideals are based on books, tv, movies, etc.?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,882, Reputation: 10852
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    #10

    Aug 8, 2016, 06:14 PM
    If she is uncomfortable with this skit stuff, then stop bringing it up. Her reasons don't matter, and trying to help resolve it for her is more harmful than healthy. You are resolving nothing except getting your way.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #11

    Aug 8, 2016, 07:15 PM
    Most likely she did not like the idea of you doing other things with other people and wanted your sex (ok it is not really sex online)
    But wanted it to be special.
    At 18, lesson learned,never ever talk about past sex activities with your partner, esp one you have no real realationship with other than a computer screne

    Next, get a real girlfriend.
    This is good for play and fun but is not a real dating.

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