My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 5 months now. Im 19 and he's 31, We have not had sex yet. When we first starting dating he seemed really into me and I always felt that he "wanted" me, but he said he really cared about me and thought we should hold off sex for a while. I recently brought this issue to my boyfriends attention , and he just doesn't want to talk about, he tries changing the subject. I love him and enjoy being with him but I want to have sex! I've tried dressing up in sexy clothes just to try and seduce him but that always backfires! A lot of people tell me I'm really cute and good looking, so I keep asking myself, If I'm not ugly, then why doesn't my boyfriend want to sleep with me?! I can't picture my life without him in it though.. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!

No there may be many reasons. Here are some I came up with

1. Maybe he doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

2. He could have had a tramatic sexually experience with sex (as an adult or child).

3. He may have an STD.

4. Some people think sex changes things...

5. Maybe he feels guilty about the age difference. The whole robbing the cradle thing.

I had the same thoughts running through my head as I read the post. Good Answere Sarah48375.

Mike

Well, he's had sex with a lot of other girls in the past; that's why I don't get why he won't get intimate with me.. and I don't think think he's really worried about STD's.. we've been getting a hotel room the past few saturdays, and we just go there for a few hours to hang out; u would think we would be having sex (like most other people) but were not.. last night after we hung out, I actually text him asking why he doesn't want to sleep with me, and he responds with "its not you, its me", then I tried talking to him about it and he just ignored me and then turned his phone off, as if he was trying to run away from the problem.. I don't want to leave him but I can't live like this forever.. I'm 19 and if it were up to me, id be having sex every other day..

Have you ever been to his place? The only reason I can think of a guy taking you to a hotel and not doing anything is if he can't think of anywhere else to take you to spend time. So could he possibly be married that he takes you to a hotel instead of his place?
That could explain his not wanting to do anything too, maybe he would feel guilty actually cheating on a wife?

Saying he is not married or 'with' anybody else my guess would be Sarah's #4 sometimes when you get older some people realize sex does not change or fix anything and he may want to really get to know you before he muddles his feelings with the sex.
Sometimes, which I think is the problem with teen sex, they confuse enjoying the sex with love and I can't live without him/her and end up in really bad relationship before they even understand relationships or love.

I go to his house all the time; he still lives with his parents though, but they really like me so that doesn't bother me that much.. I noticed something strange though, sometimes we're in his room making out, and we get to the point where it feels like if his parents were out, we would be having sex, but every time his parents are actually out and we got the place to ourselves, he won't get close to me, he won't even kiss me! It just doesn't make any sense to me

He is not forthright in the honesty department, and refuses to talk about it. Both are red flags, that he is hiding something. Whatever it is the way he is handling things, is not healthy, and confusing to you. No honest communications, no relationship. I hope you noticed no mention of why he isn't wanting sex, as I think that's not your real problem. Him and his actions are.

Okay that means that he is using his parents being there as 'a safe guard' that he will stop himself so he feels freer up to a point. When you are alone he is afraid he will 'go too far'
I really have no idea what is holding him back. He is really the only one that can answer why.
He could have ED and too embarrassed to tell you
But no matter what the reason it is not fair to you that he will not tell you.

I'm starting to think maybe he's got ED too, because I know he's def not gay and I'm a fairly attractive girl so he should get turned on by me.. how do I get him to talk to me about it? I understand he might be embarrassed, but what's a relationship without communication

That's exactly what you need to tell him.

Your frustration is real and understandable...

Sometimes it seems like standards are not the same if roles are reversed... a man complaining about not having sex from a woman he's dated a short time would get hand smacked for being an insensitive jerk who doesn't respect her choice to wait. A woman complaining about an unattentive man is told to hit the road and find a giving lover.

Well.. that's exactly what I'm going to tell you. Sort of.

Whatever the problem is, he sure isn't telling. And if this man, at his age, cannot seem to communicate openly with a girlfriend... do you really have it in you to be the one who finally teaches him how to get a clue? Maybe... but seems like a lot of work to do...

So is it wrong of me to be hard on him partly because he is older and should know better by now?

Id like to think I do a lot of things right. I know I'm a better lover now than I was ten years ago, mostly because of education and communication. But it took time for me to get to this place, and I still have work to do. So... what's his issue? Why in the world doesn't he want to talk, especially about sex??

I'm sure I'm biased, as I obviously like talking about sex. Id still have schoolyard misconceptions about sex if it weren't for a deliberate pursuit of knowedge, much of which came from the wonderful women I've dated who had the open mind to talk about sex without pretense.

I think that most of the stuff has been covered her but I decided that I wanted to give my 2 cents as well. IMO it is probably a STD, ED or something in that area. I honestly have no clue why else he would be avoiding sex with someone half his age if that was not the case.

this being said if I were you if in another month or two, if the situation has not changed then I would leave him. Yes you can have a relationship without sex, but at 19 it is nearly impossible. I being 19 myself have a high sex drive, and even if he does have sex with you it is going to be a lot less than you would like.

hope I helped =/

I got a really strong vibe about this guy... is it possible that he is a heroin addict or addict of some drug that would cause erectile dysfunction? I don't know very much about illegal drugs, but I know a 31 year old guy who lives with his parents and wants to date a naïve young girl and hang around in motel rooms has some sort of secret...

I think you should get out of this situation, fast!

Well.. my boyfriend drinks a lot and smokes weed like everyday.. so could that be part of the reason why he doesn't seem to want sex?

Yup.

Alcohol and drugs, among other things, can affect libido.

So... I guess if that makes you feel better, OK... maybe its his lousy choices that are affecting the bedroom. Don't know id call that a "win", but I don't have to live your life and what you will accept.

So far you guys have summed up that he is married, gay, lying, & has an STD, lmao.

Tell him to put out or get out, lol

Since this thread is from 4 years ago, I'm sure there has been a solution already.

Please watch dates when responding.