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    Stelvin's Avatar
    Stelvin Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 22, 2015, 12:28 AM
    Threesome/4some with wife
    My wife is interested in a threesome or foursome. Anyone have positive or negative feedback from experience.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Apr 22, 2015, 03:12 AM
    The issues can be emotions, and where do the sexual partners come from. Will that include you doing things with men also? Will it include men and women partners ?
    There are lots of combinations of sexual groups.

    Will it be in the house? Or meeting at outside locations?

    If you decide to do it, have some set rules of behavior and have all parties agree for no being no, if anyone changes their mind.

    Normally jealous feelings will cause issues at some point.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #3

    Apr 22, 2015, 03:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    The issues can be emotions, and where do the sexual partners come from. Will that include you doing things with men also? Will it include men and women partners ?
    There are lots of combinations of sexual groups.

    Will it be in the house? Or meeting at outside locations?

    If you decide to do it, have some set rules of behavior and have all parties agree for no being no, if anyone changes their mind.

    Normally jealous feelings will cause issues at some point.
    Yes, a 'safe word' has to be decided, meaning STOP, so everyone knows what it means and when. This may seem trivial but is very important for the well being of all concerned.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,827, Reputation: 739
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    #4

    Apr 22, 2015, 03:16 AM
    Be very very sure of your relationship and yourself before trying to bring fantasies to life. Do you ever get jealous? Ever? Does she? If yes, stop there.

    If no, do you know a person or couple you would share your toothbrush with? People you wouldn't care one way or the other undressing in front of?

    If you both are that secure and trust someone that much, it can be magnificent.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #5

    Apr 22, 2015, 05:31 AM
    Don't do it. It's a bad idea. Nothing good can come of it. Don't cross that line because you will regret it.

    Has your wife cheated already? Why does she need multiple partners? Does she have a reason?

    While the two of you are committed to your marriage, adding sexual partners means breaking your vows of fidelity. If she is having problems accepting that some things are just outside the realm of a marriage, then, find out why.

    Once you let that cat out of the bag, and both of you engage in sexual activity with other partners, there will be consequences.

    What does marriage mean anymore when married couples screw each other- literally.

    That she's even considering that seriously, sounds to me like trouble.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,051, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Apr 22, 2015, 07:17 AM
    If YOU aren't cool with it say so. Once you cross that line, there is no going back no matter how you feel later.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 22, 2015, 07:43 AM
    My first thought when I read this post was... Dont do it... I had a ex that begged me to partake in a 3 someone and I just could not do it and I honestly tried to want to do it only because making him happy and satisfied . He ended up having a one night stand with her and I was heartbroken and I wonder to this day if I had gone along with it if maybe it would have saved me from the pain of his cheating... I will say I knew if I did do it I would also always wonder if he wanted her more than me and jealous feelings would have been there... with my ex it had to be only by his rules and that meant only women and no men could be involved
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #8

    Apr 22, 2015, 09:01 AM
    I agree with Jake and most of the others. Do you really want to see someone else touching your wife? I couldn't handle it and I would guess there's a good number of people who thought they could handle it but in the end wished they hadn't gone down that road. I'd rather be a prude on this topic.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 22, 2015, 09:14 AM
    I agree with oliver but in my case I could not stand the thought of someone touching my husband.. Every couple I know of that has actually gone threw with the threesome fantasy they don't come out better it has either broke them up or one of them has ended up leaving one out of the threesome and that is not good.. Good luck whatever you choose to do...
    Precious7's Avatar
    Precious7 Posts: 333, Reputation: 61
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    #10

    Apr 22, 2015, 11:53 AM
    I agree with Jake. Marriage, there are few things where only our spouse has the right to do with us, No other man or women. Even the thought of doing this kind of stuff is weird. And plus you are going to end up with jealousy, regression, and a kind of betrayal feeling inside you. That will further lead to trust issue. And that will lead to something else. So, bad idea. There is a thing called faithfulness. And that's one of the key for a happy marriage.
    Precious7's Avatar
    Precious7 Posts: 333, Reputation: 61
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    #11

    Apr 22, 2015, 12:07 PM
    @ Guttnunbuttheiz, sorry that you have to go through that but, I feel you took right decision by saying no to that threesome. Because If you love someone it doesn't mean that you are going to do what ever they say and don't even stop them. Rather then that you would try to save them from doing whatever harmful they are trying to do to you or themselves, even though they don't see the big picture and think that they are doing good

    Sometimes people want to go out and have sexual relationship with other person rather then their own partner or spouse. But they cant have it because they are in relationship and a commitment. So for the solution they encourage their spouse to have three or four some making it look like fantasies for making the relationship more fun, That's how they try to escape from being held accountable, guilt, by including their spouse in the same indulgence.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Apr 22, 2015, 02:51 PM
    Precious7 I am not sorry now I am going to have to say I am glad he came to me and told me what he wanted in a weird way it opened my eyes up but it was already too late he cheated several times threw out our relationship and this was the beginning of the end...
    Precious7's Avatar
    Precious7 Posts: 333, Reputation: 61
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    #13

    Apr 22, 2015, 08:19 PM
    Hmmm! Good for you Gettnumbettheiz.
    GorgeousGrandma's Avatar
    GorgeousGrandma Posts: 29, Reputation: 5
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    #14

    Jun 7, 2015, 09:52 PM
    Wow I would be PISSED! I feel once you marry someone that's it! You and them nobody else! However I do know there many different views on this. I have witnessed married people do this and I try to warm them. It never turns out well. Very rarely do you find people who will respect whatever terms the 3 or 4 of you make. It usually ends up breaking someone's heart.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Jun 7, 2015, 11:38 PM
    Gorgeous grandma I agree someone ends up getting their heart broken... I know I would always wonder if he loved the other one more or why he touched them a certain way etc.. its just how people are...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
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    #16

    Jun 8, 2015, 01:02 AM
    There are many people, who have open relationship or do 3 people. I have been reading more and more about it, as relationships with bi-sexual, gay and other couples become more and more main stream.

    The biggest advice I read was this week, and it was if there is a desire for a 3 some, do not use someone you know, hire a professional. After reading the article I would have to agree. ( if you are going to do it, I still disagree with doing it)

    There is not a friend or neighbor you have to see after.
    There is not the worry about their satisfaction or enjoyment,
    They are there to fulfill your fantasy and the couples pleasure is only issue
    They will have no interest in an affair or stealing husband or wife.
    GorgeousGrandma's Avatar
    GorgeousGrandma Posts: 29, Reputation: 5
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    #17

    Jun 8, 2015, 12:12 PM
    I once seen on a MTV true life episode where a couple went to a sex store and bought a good quality doll. This would be your safest option! They are pretty pricey but hey as stated above you would pay for someone to complete your fantasy.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,051, Reputation: 10852
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    #18

    Jun 8, 2015, 02:36 PM
    The biggest advice I read was this week, and it was if there is a desire for a 3 some, do not use someone you know, hire a professional. After reading the article I would have to agree. ( if you are going to do it, I still disagree with doing it)
    That's too much like paying a prostitute for my taste!
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #19

    Jun 8, 2015, 03:05 PM
    Given that he's not been back in the last month and a half, I Would have to assume that he's figured this out.

    Finding the person all depends on who and what you're looking for. Could be a hooker is the best way to go, maybe craigslist, or a dating site. It is the easy but time consuming part of it all.

    The hard part is the conversations beforehand, but with the third (and fourth) as well as with your partner. You both need to be honest about what your comfortable with and what you're not. You might not want to see her having penetrative sex but oral is fine. You need to have ground rules before you start looking and you need to both be comfortable with the extra. You will also need to both have and how what the STOP command is. If it gets too much you need to be able to shut things down.

    It can be a rewarding experience if both want it, but it can be devastating if one doesn't. A lot of planning and communication is required, and not "I want to invite bob over and have a threesome, you don't mind if he...." ad nauseum.
    TheSpaceGuy's Avatar
    TheSpaceGuy Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Jul 4, 2015, 10:38 AM
    Make sure that BOTH of you want this. If only one of you does it will be the end.

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