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    mosweetz's Avatar
    mosweetz Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 21, 2014, 08:38 PM
    To swing or not to swing
    I'm a 43 year old single female who has not had sex in three years. No, that is not a crime. I work over 60 hours a week and I pull myself together every day always look and smell good. No kids , I have my own home and I'm okay. But since my break up three years ago, I have rarely dated at all. I'm now lonely for companionship and plain old sex. I've been invited to a swingers party and I think this will jump start this part of my life. It can open me up to meet and attracting new people. And in the meantime I can have sex my question is does anyone other than myself think that this is a good plan or should I keep my legs closed and try and date and meet people the old-fashioned way. I'm not going to the party to meet people to date per si... I want to have sex!! I strongly believe that after I start back having sex the energy I'm putting out will change and I'll meet more people to date. I personally don't think that this new lifestyle I'm embarking on has any thing to do with finding and developing a long-term relationship other than waking up somethig that has been dorment for so long. So in my mind this is okay. But I could use some feedback for the 20 percent that I'm not sure about.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
    Expert
     
    #2

    Oct 21, 2014, 08:41 PM
    You won't find a relationship this way as these people are couples willing to swap partners. What you may find, though, is an STD or three.
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 21, 2014, 09:18 PM
    I agree with j9... I thought swingers was for couples... you trade your partner... you don't have a partner to trade...
    Luck0rN0t's Avatar
    Luck0rN0t Posts: 263, Reputation: 45
    Full Member
     
    #4

    Oct 21, 2014, 09:33 PM
    If it is something that sparks your interest... why not? There are swingers that are disease free... it is not a "given" that all people who like to have different partners are automatically bad people or have something wrong with them. By going you are also not "required" to participate if you feel uncomfortable.

    You stated that this is a way you think could awaken something that has been dormant in you. Would you prefer to try something that you are curious about or live the rest of your life wondering? I say go for it, just make sure you are safe about it. I would rather have sex with a couple that swings and are open and honest about it than a man (or woman) who cheats on their significant other. Just because they are open about their desires and sexuality doesn't mean it is wrong or that they are automatically "dirty" or diseased.

    I assume you are in the USA because here we tend to be overly repressed about sex and even nakedness. I have tried things that others would consider wrong and immoral. Guess what, that's OK with me. I have to answer to myself and my Higher Power, not any other human on this earth nor do I have to justify my choices.

    Ultimately, you have to answer the question for yourself...
    mosweetz's Avatar
    mosweetz Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    Oct 21, 2014, 11:11 PM
    This was very helpful. I'm glad I found this site and I thank you for your answer.
    Personal safety is paramount, participate is optional. That's for any situation in my life . Single women and lesbian couples may attend along w/ couples at the party I'm attending. Each party has different "opportunities"
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,827, Reputation: 739
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    #6

    Oct 22, 2014, 01:16 AM
    Take your own condoms. They may run low.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #7

    Oct 22, 2014, 01:45 AM
    To be or not to be, said Hamlet. All I could think of was swinging from a rope.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Oct 22, 2014, 05:56 AM
    Disclaimer - I am a prude.

    To me intimacy is much more than physical pleasure. It's that bond and love you share with one person that makes a relationship complete. I know some people who have one night stands and I always ask what the person's name was and when is their birthday and what do they do for a living. They never can answer the basics which to me is sad.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #9

    Oct 22, 2014, 07:20 AM
    Honestly do what you want. That is the best advice for you right now.

    The interesting part here is why you brought forth your question. This is something you want to do once you heard about it, but you are questioning it because it is outside the norm of expected sexual behaviour of the general populace. There are a lot of people who, once they learn that a person has done something outside the norm, won't look at you the same way. This is possibly the base for your question. You're want validation that you can do this not so much if you should. You're away of the risks and you've got all the information you needed to make your choice. What you're looking for, and you actual question in my opinion, is whether it would be acceptable if you did it. I think you're afraid of crossing the above line and just need some reassurance that it is all okay.

    I think you've approached this smartly and need to consider what it all means to you. Upon that you should make your decision. The outcome might be better then you think but it could be worse. This could be, no matter how much you deny it, a spring board into a new and exciting lifestyle that you never expected. It could introduce you to a bi-side you never knew you had, or a poly side, or maybe just a voyeuristic side. It could also be too much and too far and you'll want nothing of it; an experiment gone wrong. With anything in life, approach it with optimism but a healthy dose of caution. Remember to be safe and conscious of everything that is going on.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #10

    Oct 22, 2014, 09:57 AM
    I also thought that the term "swingers" referred to couples wanting to share partners. Not for singles looking for recreational sex. If this party is also for singles to "hook up", then go for it if you are willing for recreational sex. I would think parties like that are inherently safer then meeting strangers.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #11

    Oct 22, 2014, 10:02 AM
    Picking people up at swinging parties is even worse than picking them up in dive bars. You might get laid, but you aren't going to get much else. That doesn't require a trip to the clinic anyway.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #12

    Oct 22, 2014, 10:32 AM
    Yeah and I can't imagine the emotional toll if I were to see my partner with someone else. Not for me, not gonna to do it...
    Gettnunbuttheiz's Avatar
    Gettnunbuttheiz Posts: 38, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Oct 22, 2014, 10:57 AM
    Fantasy is someone doing my husband it would be a turn on but reality is I don't want him with anyone but me my fear would be what if he fell in love with the other person? So better to not even open the door to that!!
    Kresaera's Avatar
    Kresaera Posts: 10, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #14

    Nov 8, 2014, 12:37 PM
    I've done the swingers thing before. It was incredibly fun and incredibly stressful at times too. The hardest part for me was seeing my partner with someone who I felt was more attractive than I was. However, if you're single and open to trying new things, you could go there and end up being someone's 3rd, or maybe find a swinging partner. You will not find a monogamous relationship at a swingers party however, which you said you weren't looking for anyway. I would go if I were you. Like someone else said, not all swingers are diseased, most of them take safety very very seriously. There will probably be a lot of naked people there having sex in front of everyone else, so if you're not comfortable being naked in front of other people, it's not for you.

    Good luck!
    1bluesky's Avatar
    1bluesky Posts: 48, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #15

    Nov 8, 2014, 08:57 PM
    I strongly believe that after I start back having sex the energy I'm putting out will change and I'll meet more people to date.
    This is when I get confused about in your post. What energy you put out,. and why would it change? Do you want it to change? To change which way?. and then you previously said you do not want to do l/t dating, yet now you said that'll help you start dating? A Complete puzzle to me.

    One thing I think to emphasize you probably know: you do not need to go to party to meet someone for dating. There are 100s of other ways to get the same effect.

    If you want to have sex, it's normal. You should. If you never were to swingers before, then better get informed yourself first everything about it. I wonder here: how are you going to swing if you do not have a patner to bring to the session?You would probably be welcome to go by yourself, but then it is NOT swinging.

    I think I have a solution that will make your both sides happy: to have sex, and not to date nor get into l/t relationship. Just get a guy and explain to him what you want. I am sure there is a plenty of guys out there who want just the same: sex with no any commitment. In fact I KNOW a friend of mine... a similar age, single, and similar attitude.
    Good luck in your search.
    mosweetz's Avatar
    mosweetz Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #16

    Nov 9, 2014, 08:15 AM
    I went to the swing party .I didn't I indulge I walked about danced and watched. It clear you need to bring your own cock or . I enjoyed people watching and the conversations I has . I'm excited to go again.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,827, Reputation: 739
    Pest Control Expert
     
    #17

    Nov 9, 2014, 09:10 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mosweetz View Post
    I went to the swing party .I didn't I indulge I walked about danced and watched. It clear you need to bring your own cock or . I enjoyed people watching and the conversations I has . I'm excited to go again.
    At least you had a good time. Maybe even did a little networking.

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