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    kris1910's Avatar
    kris1910 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 23, 2012, 01:50 AM
    I started to think about women while being in relationship with a guy
    I'm 22 and dating a guy since 10 months.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #2

    Aug 23, 2012, 11:32 AM
    I'm 22 and dating a guy since 10 months.
    Kris, with so little information all I can do is give very general advice and ask some questions which I hope might help you clarify your own thoughts.

    Has this happened in all of your relationships or only with the latest boyfriend?

    Can you clarify what you mean by 'think about women'? Do the thoughts tend to be more toward sexual acts, behavior, interactions, etc. Are you attracted to women physically or are the thoughts more emotionally or mentally based?

    When you aren't in a relationship do you think about women the same way as you do when involved with a male?

    When dating do you tend to put your female friends aside and concentrate on the romantic relationship?

    Do you normally date males who are very masculine? Is part of you needing female companionship and interaction?

    If you tend to throw yourself into relationships with very masculine males, then it may be that you need to remember to take time for yourself and your female friends.

    You might think about why you are attracted to the men you date. It might help you understand your own thought process.
    kris1910's Avatar
    kris1910 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 23, 2012, 12:38 PM
    Cat1864, I wanted to delete my message but did not find how :) that's why I have such a short question.
    In fact, I ve never had these thoughts before my actual boyfriend. I made out once with my boyfriend when we were drunk few years ago and kissed some of my female friends but never doubted myself, and never felt toward them any feelings. I knew it was just for fun.
    But my sexual relationship with my actual boyfriend does not really satisfy me, and this summer when he left for few weeks the town and I had some visits of my friends it appeared for the first time. I felt some physical attraction toward one of my friends, and since then I started to ask myself questions and develop all these thougths..

    Now my boyfriend is back but my thougths did not go away. Sometimes I think about women when we do sex.
    I can't imagine myself being in the relationship with a women, nor I doubt myself being able to sleep with a women. But maybe it is just my mind and my body says other things.. I don't know.
    It really bothers me and Im depressed since a while because I can't find the answer.

    I didn't really understand what you meant by saying 'masculine' men. And yes, when I date I put my friends aside and concentrate a lot of time and energy on my romantic relationship.
    Thank you
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #4

    Aug 23, 2012, 02:01 PM
    I am glad you came back.

    By 'masculine', I meant 'macho'. The stereotypical male.

    Is he paying attention to your needs or is sex more about meeting his needs? Do you know what you want or need? At least enough to be able to tell or show him?

    Other than sexually, are you happy with the relationship?

    Try balancing your time and energy between your boyfriend and your friendships a bit more. You both should have time a part to pursue your own interests, friends, etc. It helps bring fresh energy into the relationship.
    kris1910's Avatar
    kris1910 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 23, 2012, 02:59 PM
    Thank you very much
    No, he is not a macho. He let me go out with my friends, but I limit myself in order to avoid making him jalous or hurt him, I don't know. He also likes to go out with his friends and it is kind of difficult for me to not worry (not about cheating on me, but being in safe, or I can be jalous because he has better time with his friends than with me)
    I did tell him what I wanted but it still didn't match my needs. I mean I can't figure out exactly what I want it changes all the time. And yes he tries to pay attention to please me, and he gots stressed a lot because he sees it does not work.
    I mean sometimes it is good sometimes no, but it is not that good that I have had before with my ex bfs...

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