[thanatopathia]

My boyfriend also wants to masturbate alone to porn. I feel insecure about it, even though I have no problems with his porn or the idea of porn. I am actually BDSM porn style, and the problem I have is that I don't get enough of what I want, so I feel left out more than anything. He says he would sub, but I haven't seen any such thing from him yet. I masturbate alone as well, but not because I like the idea. I want our styles to be more inclusive, and I have a hard time telling him what I want because mostly he just wants to jizz on me--which is fine if its not the main thing we do. I want outright ing to be the main thing we do, and I have expressed that this is what I like most. He also wants to wear women's clothes. This is OK to a point. I am OK with it as ling as he doesn't shave all the hair off. Which he doesn't like. We are both kinky, but our kinks don't quite match, and I want some more concession for mine. It is harder to find kinky people. I scare other men just the way I talk a lot of times, so getting an actual relationship is good and I want to keep it.

[Cat1864]

May I ask how long you have been a couple?

The only advice I have is to sit down together and talk about the relationship and how your individual 'kinks' can fit together to make your sex life satisfying for both of you. If you can't communicate and compromise, then maybe you both need other partners.

You both need to be honest with each other about what you are willing to do and what is definitely off-limits. I have a feeling he may not be as open with you about what he is willing to do and wants than you may think he has been. He may prefer the 'fantasy' to 'reality'. Talk with him and find out.

[smoothy]

As cat said... it will be rare that you find someone who shares exactly the same kinks as you.. or as much as you...

Talk and compromise over time and you will find that things you both like... find the things one may like more than the other that can be indulged in from time to time, and the things that each of you may truly dislike that will be off limits to do... but OK to talk about while doing other things... and the things that you don't even want to talk about.

Personal flexibility is key here... for both people. There are things that at first you might not enjoy... but can grow to enjoy. Such as him shaving... for one... also, if he showed some more willingness to try from time to time some of the more mild stuff you like that would be helpful as well.

But understand there will be things that he may find very NOT enjoyable and those you are going to have to accept. BDSM is not my thing for example... so there are parts I would want no parts of... but there are some I would be willing to do from time to time to please my partner... Perhaps if you combined certain things together that he likes and you like both into a hybrid you both find more appealing from both persons perspectives... just a few ideas.