[Jsoccer20]

I have never had an orgasm and I really don't know if there's something wrong with me! The guy I am with currently, I love having sex with him but for some reason I don't experience one so that's why it confuses me. He will do oral on me for a long time and still nothing. We talk about it but its becoming embarrassing because I don't want him to think I am not enjoying myself. We talk a lot on the topic but he can't give me the answers I really want. I want to know can I possibly just never have one? Or am I or him doing something wrong? Will I know when I get one or maybe did I already and I just didn't know? If someone can give me some help I would really appreciate it!

[adviceishere]

How old are you?

[Jsoccer20]

19

[adviceishere]

Can you also not orgasm when you masterbate? I'm assuming you can't because you say you don't know what it feels like

[glamorchiK]

I can't orgasm while I have sex either only when I receive oral or through masturbation. There are various positions to try.. I would try being on top. You're not the only one.

[Jsoccer20]

He did oral on me for like 30 min and I still didn't!

[Jsoccer20]

Not even when I masterbate but I don't do it often, often

[adviceishere]

You should try doing it more on yourself and find out what feels right and good and hopefully you can make yourself orgasm (you willl know when you do!) then when you can do that you can show your boyfriend what to do and what way you like.

[Cat1864]

First things first, don't think of orgasm as a goal. Enjoy the journey and get involved in the act itself instead of worrying about getting 'there'. The more pressure there is to climax-the harder it is to achieve.

For a lot of women, build up to an orgasm begins long before 'sex' does. If you aren't aroused mentally, then your body probably won't respond the way you want it to.

He can't 'give you' an orgasm. He can help you achieve one, but you are the one who has to be able to find and communicate what gets you there.

Start with what really gets you excited/aroused. Find the fantasies that have your body responding just by thinking about them. It can be thoughts of your partner and what he does to and with you. It can be thoughts of putting the two of you into the characters of your favorite movie or romance story. It might even be thoughts of a mystery person or something you would never do in real life. Fantasy is just that fantasy with no guilt or regrets. Let yourself fully enjoy the world you build in your mind.

If he is open to it, share your fantasies with him. Touching and playing with each other while building a mutual fantasy can be huge turn on.

Erotica in its many forms can help you get ideas on positions and acts. Movies are great for thinking about locations and story lines for fantasies. Music can get your body relaxed and your mind to disengage from the stress of the day as can baths, showers, candles, etc.

When you masturbate, pay attention to your whole body. All of it is an erogenous zone. Try different amounts of pressure in different areas. Find what feels good and what doesn't. Show your partner. Have him show you what he likes.

Remember sex isn't just naked body parts fitting together. Foreplay is more than another sex act like oral or hand jobs. It can be everything from a glance to hand holding as you walk down the street. It is allowing yourself to think intimate thoughts and enjoying your body's reaction.

Don't be afraid of letting go. It is like riding a roller coaster. It may feel like everything is out of control, but you are safe.

[Jsoccer20]

I also think even though I know it feels good I still always have something on my mind. I know that's a bad thing to say but I feel like I'm always focusing on something else than the matter at hand or just thinking like is he having a good time... am I doing this wrong... just random things... I do this with everything I do although it's most likely bad to admit

p.s. thanks for the comment... very informing

[simoneaugie]

Tell him that you want to have an orgasm before he does. Does he know that you do not? He needs to know!

Many men, because orgasm is pretty darn easy for them during "normal" coitus think that it is easy for women too. The basic analogy is a massage of the testicles. Your "penis" is not your vagina. If you could orgasm simply from massaging his testicles, you would have a good time too. But he would probably be looking out the window wondering how best to wax the car.

Get to know yourself first, get to know your own body. Then realize that he cannot read your mind or feel through your nerve endings. Find out what you like and then teach him. Your orgasm is all your own and not something he can give you.

It might be a leap, but think of him as a servant and a tool just for a while. Once you've figured out how sex works best for you. Then he can tell you what is better for him and a sexual partnership begins.

If he is the only one having orgasms, then you are already both a servant and a tool. If he isn't even aware, that's awful!

[Cat1864]

I also think even though I know it feels good I still always have something on my mind. I know that's a bad thing to say but I feel like I'm always focusing on something else than the matter at hand or just thinking like is he having a good time... am i doing this wrong... just random things... I do this with everything I do although it's most likely bad to admit

It's not bad to admit because a lot of people do the same thing. The female brain especially is wired to think of anything and everything all of the time. It comes in handy for multi-tasking but can be a problem when it comes to intimacy. It takes practice to let the random distracting thoughts go or redirect them and allow yourself to feel and enjoy. That is one of the reasons I enjoy sharing fantasies with my husband. It gets my brain very involved in what is going on. Plus, his reactions help fuel my own.

Give yourself time to learn how to let distracting thoughts go. Be honest with him about it being something that you have to work on and together you may find ways of keeping your mind involved.

Good luck.

[martinizing2]

If your partner is unaware of this,

Tell him.

Communication is how we really learn to know each other.

Tell him when it's good and suggest how to make it better.
Keep your mind focused on that and try not to let it wander.

Most men like some help and direction and encouragement ,
Become a cheerleader/head coach (pun intended)

And memorize both of Cats posts.

I wish you well

[talaniman]

Lack of awareness.
Of your own body

Lack of focus.
On what's right in front of you.

Lack of communications.
Between you, and your partner. He has no clue what you need so tell him.

Amazing how couples can do the wild thang, but not talk about it.