[rhubarbarbuhr]

I am 23, I have had nine partners, and only one has managed to make me orgasm. It was my first boyfriend who I spent two years with. It took six months and a vibrator to get me there. Since then I have not had an orgasm. Now I am beginning to question whether I even did?

I am currently in a relationship that up until very recently has been going beautifully. But lately my lack of orgasms has really started to infuriate my boyfriend. Today he actually yelled at me on the street for never mentioning that I'd achieved orgasm before with a vibrator. Then he gave me an ultimatum- either figure it out or we're over. He has been putting a lot of pressure on me these past couple of months to orgasm, and that has only made it more difficult. Almost all I can think about when we have sex is whether he'll be upset with me when it is over. Whether he will pull away from me. He also said today that I am the only woman he has ever slept with that hasn't had an orgasm every time. This I doubt, but it still makes me feel awful and small.

The guy I dated before my current boyfriend also broke up with me because of my inability to achieve orgasm. Does this mean I can count on this in the future? Is it possible for a woman who cannot achieve orgasm to have a love relationship?

[joypulv]

Something in this story isn't right. If every man gets infuriated over this, then either you have had the most incredible string of coincidences, or you are giving indications (words or actions) that lack of orgasms are bothering you, making them feel inadequate.
It seems to be sort of common knowledge that many women fake orgasms to please their men, but not because they threaten to break up over it. You need a best girlfriend to talk to!

[redhed35]

A LOT of women have trouble reaching orgasm,and need plenty of stimulation to get there.

Being relaxed and trusting your partner goes a long way to reaching orgasm.

Can you orgasm through self masturbation?

I wonder how many of his ex partners faked it? I'm thinking a lot,they told him what a wonderful lover he is and now he thinks he's the bomb!

The pressure he is applying to you now is bullying,he's bullying you,get an orgasm or ill walk,if it were me ill help him pack a bag and show him the door!

A relationship is two people,its not just up to you to figure it out,he has a part to play also.

Experiment yourself ways to reach orgasm,if you don't know how to get there you can't teach anyone else.

Having a patient partner one who you trust and one who is willling to try new things goes a long way in a relationship,in and out of the bedroom.

Enjoying sex,good sex, does not always have to end in an orgasm,in fact it rarely does for most women.

Lots of foreplay to begin,slow and easy with a patient partner,but if your under pressure and feel like there's going to be a row over it you might as well be eating a cheese sandwich for all the good it will do.

Work on the relationship outside the bedroom first,or dump this wannabe Casinova.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes it is very common for women not to orgasm during regular sex, it takes reaching it at foreplay before first, or perhaps latter. And honestly few guys will ever care or even know unless you make a big deal of it.

And the big question will you reach one on your own, and if so how, and are you showing the guys what to do.

Next if he is shouting about your sex life on the street dump the jerk

[smoothy]

Sounds sort of strange because if you pick any 10 guys up to their mid 20's and at a minimum of 9 of those really won't give a hoot if she orgasms or not... just as long as he does. But 9 in a row actually getting angry about it?. Few guys that age really even know how to get a woman off, assuming the woman even knows how to get herself off. Because not all women like or respond the same way to the same things... she has to be able to at least give us hints to guide us in the right direction until we know her well enough to know EXACTLY what all of her buttons are.

Hell, I'm 49 I CAN speak for myself, I had the benefit of two sets of bisexual girlfriends before I was 20 (who introduced me to their "Friends"). So I was way ahead of the learning curve... and while as a result I've always cared if she got hers as a result... I've also known its not always that easy for them or even possible at certain times... I've never once in those years got "upset" because she wasn't able to get hers. If she felt it just wasn't going to happen at that moment she would just say so and no harm was done... no feelings were hurt.

[Cat1864]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Fr_Chuck again.

Next if he is shouting about your sex life on the street dump the jerk

Well said, Chuck.

rhubarbarbuhr, I think you need to sit down with your boyfriend when neither of you are expecting sex and have an honest discussion about sex and orgasms. Discuss how different positions and techniques (using fingers and or toys, oral sex, etc.) can enhance the pleasure and aid in reaching an orgasm. Discuss things that turn each of you on and what you might like to try. If you don't feel comfortable discussing it, then you perhaps you shouldn't be having sex with him.

If he didn't know about using the vibrator before, it means that you haven't been as open with him as you could be. How much pressure have you been putting on him to make you climax?

Sex isn't only about 'getting off'. It is a journey of discovery and learning what feels good.

Something's for you to think about: How comfortable are you in the relationship? Why are you staying with him? Are you truly attracted to him or are you trying to convince yourself you are? Are you putting up with his (now) bad behavior because you don't want to be alone? When you start dating someone, how quickly does the relationship progress to sex? Are you allowing time to get to know your partners and become comfortable enough with them to fully let go?

[Synnen]

The biggest thing here is you are expecting the GUY to "make" you orgasm.

It doesn't work that way. EVER. YOU grab your orgasm, girl, and you can do that with a partner by showing them how you need things done for it to happen.

First, start masturbating. Get a vibrator, a dildo, a shower head, whatever works for you. Start learning to get YOURSELF off. If YOU don't know what the heck works for you, how in the world is HE going to figure it out? It's YOUR body, for crying out loud!

Second--make sure that your relationships aren't jumping into bed for HIM. Female orgasms are hugely mental. If you're not relaxed, in the moment, trusting, comfortable and wanting it yourself--you're probably not going to orgasm. If you're worrying about getting to orgasm instead of enjoying the sensations as they happen--you're probably not going to orgasm.

And any guy that would leave over this is an idiot that has no freaking clue how the female body works.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

Let me make something clear- not all nine partners have had issues with this. It is only the most current two that have even brought it up.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

1. Up until this month the relationship was going really well and I was very comfortable. 2. I was happy with him, but now I am not sure that I want to stay. 3. I am very attracted to him.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

4. I have no issue being alone and prefer it to this situation. That is why I am on the verge of ending it. 3. The relationship progressed to sex after about a month. Oh- and I put no pressure on him whatsoever to get me off. I fully enjoy myself

[rhubarbarbuhr]

And it is only when he finishes and I don't that issues arise. I have never made an issue of it.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

Again- I only said two of the nine had an issue over it, not all nine. The other seven didn't work out for other reasons. It just seems to be a trend lately, which is why I asked.

[J_9]

So, he finishes then he gets you off. No big deal here really. I guess, though, that it's hurting his ego.

There are very many women who cannot get off with vaginal intercourse. Clitoral stimulation is a MUST for many women. Just ask him if he would get off if you only played with his scrotum?

You see, our clitoris is extremely similar in structure as is the penis. This is why men need penile stimulation and women need clitoral stimulation.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

I tried to orgasm with a vibrator last night, but after about five minutes I realized I was still way too upset over the day to feel good. I can't get off when all I think about is how my boyfriend is going to dump me if I don't.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

Honestly though- I am ready to dump him. Yesterday was just ridiculous.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

Also- I have a best girlfriend- but I wanted some outside opinions.

[J_9]

He sounds like a piece of work... I'd tell him to take a hike if he were mine.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

I actually don't expect him to "make" me orgasm at all. I understand how the body works, and I realize that I have to get there on my own. He is the one putting pressure on me to orgasm.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

Ok- now that I've read through again, I feel like I was misunderstood. I am not putting any pressure on him to get me off. I have a vibrator and I am learning to get myself off, but lately it has been difficult because I haven't felt sexy at all. All of my sexual drive seems to have been drained since this became an issue. I am not putting any pressure on him whatsoever, and instead just keep asking him to be patient with me.

Also- I never said that all nine of my partners left me over this issue. Only the last one, and now possibly my current relationship. None of the others even commented or noticed the issue. I realize I could have phrased things better now, but I wrote that late at night after a long day.

[rhubarbarbuhr]

He is, and I am on the verge of that. It is just that EVERYTHING else up to this point has been amazing. This is a new side to him that I don't know how to handle.