[aliuk6]

Hi all
I'm a new member and I'm not sure what can I expect, I thought I may be get some good advices that I could try in my relation ship.
Well I'm almost 28 yrs old and my GF is almost 30.I love her very much and I think she loves me too. We have been dating for almost a year now and our problem started after 6 months into our relationship.
I can't remember what it was about but it caused us some problems. The first 6 months was great and we used to have sex like rabbits,lol I haven't lied if I say we used to have it 2-3-4 times a day everyday, I know that after awhile its normal to have less sex but in our case it went from 3-4 times to maybe once or twice every 2 weeks.
I remember on the first argument that we had(after 6 months) she told me that she doesn't want to have sex because it seems to her that the only time that we have fun is when we have sex and she doesn't like that only because if we decide to marry each other and get old (60-70) we won't be able to have sex anyway and we need to know if we could have fun then, in my opinion that is pretty a dumb reason but I respected her wish and didn't put pressure on her.
Now we have sex maybe once a week and every time I have to work so hard to get her agree to have sex,by the way I need to say that every time we did have sex she did have orgasm so we were both happy.
As I said before she loves me very much and we are planing to get married and we are thinking about having children as soon as we sort out few things. I really don't know what could cause her to act this way about sex. She makes me beg for it. Not verbally but by kissing her around her neck,shoulder, chest, belly and so on.but she doesn't react to it at all.sometimes she just kisses me and go to the toilet or kitchen or somewhere else and make herself look busy doing something which makes me think even more.
Sometimes she does say that if you want to have sex you need to make me want to have sex, by saying nice things and doing something romantic. I have no problem doing all these things but I have tried everything that I know. I was wondering if any of you nice people can give me some advice or if there is any web sites to teach me some new tricks that I could learn from it.
Thank you for your helps in advance ;)

[TruthSayer0122]

Ask her. It is hard to give advice when you only know half of the story. But based on what you said you sounds like she feels used and that doesn't make her feel sexy. If she has a normal sex drive and you please her. Stop focusing on IT so much and just Show her that you love her with your actions. It seems like what you are doing now is turning her off.

[aliuk6]

Tnx for d advice.u sound right but I'm kindda dumb when it gets to being romantic and I don't really know how to make her feel sexy again.I do give her complements every time she puts on her clothes or after she does her hair or make up and... So on.I tell her I love her as much as I can.I'm kindda out of options here.dnt know what to do :s

[TruthSayer0122]

Every woman is unique. For example, flowers do nothing for me. But if a guy were to by me an aloe vera plant, I would love it. But you have to know your partner in order to be romantic and thoughtful. Cook dinner and just ask her about her wildest dreams. She holds the key to everything you need to know.

[Wondergirl]

For a woman, wanting to have sex and thinking about sex begin in her brain HOURS BEFORE there will be any action taken. She gets turned on when her lover picks up his dirty clothes and puts them into the hamper or basket for them, when he actually does the laundry or washes the dishes, when he helps her carry in the groceries and put them away, when he washes her car and vacuums it out (and washes the car windows inside and outside), when he is nice to her parents and family, when he lets her sleep late on the weekends and fixes a nice brunch for her, and -- this is especially important and true -- when he holds her and kisses her and hugs her and gives her a nice back or hand massage and nibbles her neck, but does not expect sex as a reward for his kindness. When she sees that he does all these things for her because he loves her and not because he expect sex as a payment, she will give him many joyful moments in bed.

[talaniman]

What's the rest of the relationship like?

Talaniman Rule- Make love to the mind, and the body will follow.

Take two weeks of learning how to romance your woman, doing things she likes and have fun without your bodies. Ever tell her how beautiful she is when she wakes up? That's only a start, but its up to you to learn what makes her feel loved, not used.

Talk, listen, and pay attention. Lust wears off, but love grows, and that has nothing to do with sex.

[aliuk6]

Thanks guys for your great comments, I'd like to add this that I do help her as much as I can, every time she cooks I always pick up the dishes and wash them at least every other day.I always help her when she is cooking or when she washes the clothes I help her putting it on the lines or radiator. Every time she comes back from work and she complains about her back ache I do give her a massage on her back and legs and she loves it when I do her feet. But before (6 months ago) she used to reward me with sex and that's probably why I expect the same now but I don't get it. Maybe I expect too much? I do have a high sex drive and I thought she had it too. But maybe I was wrong?? I do get her flowers every week and sometimes twice. I understand that sometimes she is tired so its only fair if she doesn't feel like having sex but sometimes on her day off we watch a movie or something and when that finishes and when I think it's a good time to make love she says she is going to sleep. That's why I'm a little confused that after having a nice day, just when I think we going to end our day by making love she lets me down and goes to sleep. Am I expecting too much here??

[talaniman]

Sex is not a reward for being a good boy. It's a sharing between partners. Now maybe she does have a low sex drive. Not uncommon to mistake the lust of a new relationship for the lifetime of pleasure. Get beyond that idea, and see other ways that the relationship can be strengthened, and grown, and understand that whatever your differences, they have to be worked on, and resolved together for the benefit of you both, through honest communications.

Its only been a year, a time to explore the bond you have, and get a very good idea as to what you both want, and expect, and HOW you both will get it. Sometimes honesty is brutal, but lets be real here guy, if you are not, then where can this relationship go? Are you really going to settle for a lifetime of frustration? Its about finding how compatible you are in many areas, and how much you can work together.

Just me, I would surely be getting to the heart of the matter, maybe a check up is needed, or there may be a reason she is who she is. For sure you need facts to make a reasonable decision, and that's about communications because, maybe sex is but a symptom of a greater problem that needs to be addressed. Maybe you both were led by lust, and moved to quickly, or the expectations are not realistic, and needs adjustments. Who knows without exploring all the possibilities.

Its up to the both of you to define the boundaries, and patterns of your relationship, and be HONEST about your feelings with each other. That starts with talking, and listening, and learning about who it is your interacting with.

[DoulaLC]

For a woman, wanting to have sex and thinking about sex begin in her brain HOURS BEFORE there will be any action taken. She gets turned on when her lover picks up his dirty clothes and puts them into the hamper or basket for them, when he actually does the laundry or washes the dishes, when he helps her carry in the groceries and put them away, when he washes her car and vacuums it out (and washes the car windows inside and outside), when he is nice to her parents and family, when he lets her sleep late on the weekends and fixes a nice brunch for her, and -- this is especially important and true -- when he holds her and kisses her and hugs her and gives her a nice back or hand massage and nibbles her neck, but does not expect sex as a reward for his kindness. When she sees that he does all these things for her because he loves her and not because he expect sex as a payment, she will give him many joyful moments in bed.

Had to spread the rep... but definitely agree... :)

[aliuk6]

Thank you very much I'll defiantly try to use your advices, only that I've always been honest with her and I'll always will be. The one time that I told her about my feeling she started crying and was saying that she knows there is something wrong with her but she doesn't know what :s I've never talked about it again because I don't want to see her crying and upset..
I would like to learn new thing to be more romantic and make her feel happier. Any of you guys have any advices that I could use?websites?or other things?
I appreciate all your advices
Thanks again :)

[positiveparent]

Hi OP I can suggest a website for you, however not sure if you'll be able to access it, if you're in the USA, however you might be able to.

Its Sexperience it's a channel 4 website but its covers everything you've asked in this post, I hope the link works for you.

Its got everything videos, advice, whatever you need it's there.

Good Luck

[smoothy]

Ask her. It is hard to give advice when you only know half of the story. But based on what you said you sounds like she feels used and that doesn't make her feel sexy. If she has a normal sex drive and you please her. Stop focusing on IT so much and just Show her that you love her with your actions. It seems like what you are doing now is turning her off.

I'll agree and add that you need to focus much more on NON-SEXUAL things (and that includes TRYING to have sex too)... I'll bet she is feeling more like a semen receptacle than a girlfriend... and if you were having sex as many times as you said... I guarantee you that's what happened because you couldn't possibly have had time for other very important parts of the relationship.

[jaddwooka]

Dude... get a new girlfriend!

See how much sex she wants then! If she is into you, she'll be asking for it.