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brooke_camille · Jul 8, 2009, 11:53 PM

Can you give me an advice?
My husband-to-be still suffering from my past..
Her keeps on doing great things for me.. showed me how much I mean to him.. Sacrifice everything just to make me happy..
But then,sometimes,he keeps on recalling my past experience with my ex boyfriend wherein,my husband-to-be is not the one who disvirgin me.. He keeps on asking me,why.. He gets angry with me because of my past..
I did it once with my ex and never do it again.. Because when that time happened,I was drown with liquor and I can say that I didn't do any moves.. even I didn't touch my ex boyfriend's private part..
Hope you guys,could help me with this.. :confused:

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 02:59 AM

What country are you in?
Does he have a 'past'?

You tell him this is the way you are. You can't go back and fix the past. Either he loves you the way you are or he doesn't but get his head out of the past and put it behind him or the relationship is always going to suffer for his holding onto what you can not change.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 9, 2009, 03:45 AM

Tell him you either accept me for whom I am or leave me alone. If he is unable to get over this you won't be able to have a healthy and happy life with him. In my opinion, If a boyfriend ever made me feel bad like your did I would get rid of him..

Your past made you who you are today, good bad or indifferent it happened he must learn to get over it.

zippit · Jul 9, 2009, 03:53 AM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

tell him you either accept me for whom I am or leave me alone. If he is unable to get over this you wont be able to have a healthy and happy life with him. In my personal opinion, If a boyfriend ever made me feel bad like your did I would get rid of him..

Your past made you who you are today, good bad or indifferent it happened he must learn to get over it.

And then stick to it,what he's doing is a form of abuse and can grow into a much bigger

Proublem.he needs to put this to rest and leave it alone.and then you need to watch

Out for him finding other reasons to pick on you,chance are he will

Catsmine · Jul 9, 2009, 05:02 AM

Is he a virgin?

ALL the cultures I am familiar with require his purity as well as hers, or neither person's.

bronzebabe · Jul 9, 2009, 02:07 PM

Seriously, he will get worse, not better. It seems that he can't or won't accept your past.
I am sure he has a past of his own, but the obsession with Your past is a bit much.
Do you wanna live like this? Because I am sure he will never let you forget that you slept with someone else- not him- first.

450donn · Jul 9, 2009, 08:02 PM

If he is throwing this up in your face at this point in the relationship before marriage, think how bad it will get after you are married. Personally I think you need to not even consider marrying this person until he can get past his feelings. Break it off with him and tell him exactly why. Tell him that you are willing to go to counseling with him to resolve his problems, but that you are not going to marry him until. This will only get worse. There is no fixing stupid.

brooke_camille · Jul 10, 2009, 10:34 PM

:( Im from a country that sexuality is open..
He is telling me that he hates it because of all people why i,camille,is the one who used by other guy..
He is saying that Im so stupid by giving up my virginity with my boyfriend before.
Even i explained everything to him, that im so drunk that night and weak..and couldn't do anything but cry..my boyfriend before take an advantage of my weakness..
My fiancee now,said that he also used ladies before and he just couldn't imagined that "I also becme one of the victims of a guy who don't know the real worth of a woman."
It just happened once...:'(
If only i could bring back the past,I'll be living now in a peaceful life.. ;'(
im crazy bout my fiance's happiness... IREALLY WANTED HIM TO BE HAPPY AND CONTENTED AND BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT HE HAS RIGHT NOW.. BUT HOW????????
Damn it!!!
im always stress and depress.. im sooooo tired!!!!!!!!!

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 11, 2009, 02:12 AM

You want him to be happy? You are not happy. You should be your first priority. If you marry this man you will never be happy because he is unwilling to accept you. Trust me, if this had never happened to you , he would have found something else to make you feel bad about yourself. He appears to be a very abusive. Stop referring yourself as a victim, be strong and stop being a victim. He has admitted by his statement he has done that to other women (taking advantage of ). Why are you with him?

Catsmine · Jul 11, 2009, 04:25 AM

Has he hit you yet?

Give him time, he will.

rhianni32 · Jul 11, 2009, 08:44 AM

A person might be able to change their personality or mentality or opinions on something. But this is a physical fact you cannot change the fact that you are no longer a virgin. This is like him being made at the color of your eyes. It cannot be changed.

letmetellu · Jul 11, 2009, 07:42 PM

I have empathy for you but for your boyfriend I feel so sorry for him because for the rest of his life he will not have peace of mind no mater who he marries. If a girl tells him she is a virgin he will always wonder if she is lying to him.

Unless you want to live with a person that does not respect your honesty and your past I would not marry him.

But good luck to you how ever you go.

bronzebabe · Jul 11, 2009, 08:19 PM

Your fiancee will never be happy with you because he thinks you are "used". You do not stay with someone who acts like that, because truthfully, he cannot love you.
Get rid of him and move on. Tell him WHY you are leaving him, because he is an unforgiving user of women. He isn't a virgin, and yet he expected you to be.
Some men are Really stupid. He qualifies.

zippit · Jul 11, 2009, 09:11 PM

This post reminds me of when I was dating
I quit asking girls about they're past after about the third girl,something are better off
Left alone,I've been married 12 years and I never asked my wife about her past don't care
I love her for who she is not what she's done

Gemini54 · Jul 12, 2009, 07:10 PM

The problem is, that you've got a problem. Him. If he continues to berate you for something that is in your past, which you did once when you were drunk, then he's got a BIG problem.

It's easy for us to say to you - 'dump him'. But if you want to continue the relationship and you care for him then you need to stop pandering to his obsession with your past.

Just tell him that you don't want to talk about it any more. If he brings it up leave the room. Let him know that you're both adults, and from this point onwards, unless he behaves like an adult with respect to this issue, he's 'on notice'.

Don't allow him to bully you or berate you and absolutely don't argue with him about it. Be clear that until he stops and deals with his insecurity around this issue you will not consider marrying him.

Put the ball back in his court. It's HIS problem and he has to deal with it. Be firm and loving, but don't relent.

If he can't control himself and do some work to understand his irrational behavior, then you need to think seriously about whether he's husband material.

He will continue to make you life hell unless you put your foot down and put a stop to this nonsense now.

smoothy · Jul 13, 2009, 05:36 AM

The answer to this is simple... DON'T MARRY HIM...

He has the problem... don't let it become yours. You shouldn't be dating someone with irrational issues like this much less be considering marriage to them. You deserve better.

Do you want to listen to this the rest of your life? I think not.

brooke_camille · Jul 14, 2009, 07:06 PM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

You want him to be happy? You are not happy. you should be your first priority. If you marry this man you will never be happy because he is unwilling to accept you. trust me, if this had never happened to you , he would have found something else to make you feel bad about yourself. He appears to be a very abusive. Stop referring yourself as a victim, be strong and stop being a victim. He has admitted by his statement he has done that to other women (taking advantage of ). Why are you with him?

I'm with him for on good and valid reason "im deeply inlove with him" do I make sense here?

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 15, 2009, 03:05 AM

No! It does not make sense. Over a dozen people told you why. It seems as though you have your mind made up. You want to play martyr the rest of your life..

You don't portray yourself to be a strong woman. A woman with strong self esteem? No, he will pray on that weakness until there is nothing else you can give and he will be gone.

Our opinions ranged from leave him or stand up for yourself. All you can say is that you deeply love him, but we have seen by your posts the only thing he has for you is contempt. Yeah he may say he loves you, and I'm sure he says that after he has berated you.

We don't want your next post to say you are pregnant and he is beating you!

smoothy · Jul 15, 2009, 05:07 AM

Originally Posted by brooke_camille

im with him for on good and valid reason "im deeply inlove with him" do i make sense here?

No it doesn't make sense... you are ignoring his obvious and major faults.

You aren't "deeply in love" with him... you are deeply in lust with him and clinging to what you wish he was instead of what he is.

He isn't going to change any more than the earth is going to reverse its orbit around the sun.

If you marry this jerk, you deserve whatever you get. And odds are its not going to be pretty. Nobody here thinks it's a good idea and that his behaviour is not only indications of other worse things... but its not the behaviour of a man that loves you.

brooke_camille · Jul 16, 2009, 06:42 AM

Im glad that you still here or rather still viewing my post and gve some advices.. Thank you so much for telling me and you guys really a help for me to find myself.. and Im sure that I'm not bound to live a life like this..
I should stand on my own with a dignity and respect for myself...
I shouldn't put myself into trouble.. reg marryng him..
To be able to be happy and contented, I should find it inside me first..

:)

A first I'm scared but now.. god gave me the answer.. and I'm thankful for that..