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blah21 · Jan 17, 2017, 02:07 PM

I had crushes on like 3 people in October, and I gained some confidence, so I told one of them that I liked him in Novemberish, I see him @ school everyday in a lot of my classes and he's also at my bus stop. He told me that he's not ready for a relationship and all that 'generic' stuff and kind of started talking to me less after that. Then, in early December, I found out that one of my other crushes, the one that I liked the most, liked me back. So, now we've been boyfriend/girlfriend for more than a month and I haven't really told the other guy that I have a boyfriend. He's starting to talk to me more again, and I'm pretty sure he thinks that I still like him. While I don't hate him, I also don't want him to say something like he's ready for a relationship now, and I would have to say no. I'm not the kind of person who likes doing that. What can I say/text to him to make him know that either I have a boyfriend now, or I don't like him like that anymore without being that direct??

talaniman · Jan 17, 2017, 02:25 PM

How old are you PLAYA, because knowing your age would get the best age appropriate response, but generally the best most decent approach is the most honest, and direct one for you, him, and your boyfriend.

Anything else PLAYA is nothing but a game of drama and deceit, and leading someone on for your own purposes. So why NOT just be honest and direct?

Just add a touch of decency and KINDNESS to the mix and problem solved right?

DoulaLC · Jan 17, 2017, 04:47 PM

You could always just bring your boyfriend up in a conversation. " Me and my boyfriend, Joe, just saw this great movie."

talaniman · Jan 17, 2017, 05:00 PM

You should be very aware that no matter how kind, or nice you are, direct, or indirect, he will likely be shocked, surprised and maybe disappointed. No one can predict what his reaction will be or how he takes it.

That's why you should be honest, kind, decent, and UNDERSTANDING.

joypulv · Jan 17, 2017, 06:13 PM

You say NOTHING.
If mention of your boyfriend happens to come up in conversation, fine.
If he shows signs that he might want to ask you out, you just say that you have had a boyfriend for a month in a nice straightforward way. What in the world could possible require more than that, or telling him before it is necessary?

Yes, you sound very young. The world is full of real problems.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 17, 2017, 06:43 PM

I agree, it was in the past, and he was not interested at the time. You should not have to say anything. In talking, do mention your boyfriend now. That is it. No drama no production.

Cat1864 · Jan 17, 2017, 08:22 PM

He may be talking to you more because he knows you have a boyfriend. If you are in school and not keeping your relationship a secret, then the chances are he has heard through the grapevine that he isn't the focus of your affections.

Often when we look for a problem, we create it. Solve the problem when it happens, not before.

Be yourself. Be friends if you still want to be his friend.