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    ErickaH's Avatar
    ErickaH Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 17, 2007, 09:31 PM
    Should I talk about sex with my niece
    I have a niece that is 15 and wants to know a lot about sex and I don't want to tell her anything *L* she don't want to go to my sister and at times I ask my niece if I can get back with her and go ask my sister what she wants me to let my niece to know I told her what my sister asked me to tell her that sex is best after marriage and things like that but my niece wants to know what a blow job is and hand job.. and everything else I told her to ask her friends and they come and ask me things, my problem is my sisters told me about sex so I can understand why she don't want to ask her mom I asked her if she could come back to me when she's 18 cause I feel bad talking to her about that stuff I think she's to young but I was that age when my sisters talk to me about this stuff am I right or wrong? :confused:
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Aug 17, 2007, 09:35 PM
    Asking her friends? When she is 15 and 1/2 and pregnant will be a little late. Talk to her mom and let her know. Someone needs to sit down and talk with her seriously about everything.

    There will be a long line of guys at school willing to explain it to her.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,435, Reputation: 5430
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    #3

    Aug 17, 2007, 09:36 PM
    I would tell her. If she doesn't find out from you in a good and serious way, she will find out from kids her age and not necessarily the correct information, especially if she asks about birth control and getting pregnant. (You ARE up on your facts, right?)

    Or, if you don't want to be the one to tell her stuff, certainly she can get any information from books at the public library. 612.6 and thereabouts.
    ErickaH's Avatar
    ErickaH Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Aug 17, 2007, 09:40 PM
    Not being a mother how much info is too much info for her age? I don't want to put ideas in her head either I laughed with my sister and told her I think is why God hasn't given me childern for this conversation right here but thank you both I will get more info up now what if her friends want to ask me things too is that my place? Or tell them to talk to there mom or dad?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Aug 17, 2007, 09:47 PM
    Girls by 12 are often already having some form of sex. And if you merely read some of the posts on here you will read teens who think taking a shower after sex stops you from getting pregnant and other great info.
    Of course her mother should be talking to her with all the facts. But if she can't talk to her, she should let you.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,435, Reputation: 5430
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    #6

    Aug 17, 2007, 09:50 PM
    Encourage her to go the library route first. Then answer her questions as briefly and concisely as you can (with her mom's ok). Don't volunteer information and don't tell her about your personal sex life. Like the little boy who wanted to know where he came from, so the dad told him all about the birds and the bees. All the boy wanted to know was what city was he born in...

    The friends should be directed back to their parents. You could get into big trouble telling them about sexual things.

    Back when I was her age, no one talked about sex. Ozzie and Harriet were hanging around and Father Knew Best. The idea was to keep girls as ignorant as possible. That way they wouldn't know what to do until they were married, like suddenly they would get this big revelation.
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #7

    Aug 17, 2007, 11:14 PM
    Hello.

    It sounds like you have a good relationship with your sister so I'm sure she would understand if you talked to your niece about sex. At 15 she is ready to learn about sex. Its much better for her to learn about it from you then get all the street talk about what's right and wrong. She is asking for a reason, blowjobs and handjobs sounds to me like her boyfriend wants more then a kiss and a hug from her. If your honest she might keep it at a hand job if you ignore her she might get talked into doing more and not know how to use protection.

    Dennis777
    MOWERMAN2468's Avatar
    MOWERMAN2468 Posts: 3,214, Reputation: 243
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    #8

    Aug 18, 2007, 06:42 AM
    Talk to her before you become a Great Aunt. She evidentially comes to you because she trust you and is seeking your counsel on the fast hormone loaded world around her. And you know if she learns it from her friends they may be uninformed on what for example is the correct prevention of pregnancy and stds. But there is one sure fired accurate way to prevent pregnancy and stds in teens. Abstinance!!
    templelane's Avatar
    templelane Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 227
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    #9

    Aug 18, 2007, 06:56 AM
    Get some books and leaflets from a women's clinic/ youth centre. I never talked to an adult about sex but found out everything myself form such sources. You might be able to order a teen sex education leaflet from a charity/ the internet. We were always given loads of these at school (at about 14-15) they tend to explain all the slang and about responsibility/risk dangers in a non preachy way. As other posters have mentioned you don't want her ignorance taken advantage of.

    I know how it feels to have someone else's kid ask you awkward questions. My ten year old cousin wanted to know what an orgy (amongst other things).
    Xrayman's Avatar
    Xrayman Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 193
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    #10

    Aug 19, 2007, 07:24 PM
    Tell her Exactly what she wants to know-as honestly as you can. Your sister should have already done this-consider it helping your sister by (hopefully preventing) her daughter to 'find out for herself with her boyfriend'-and then your sister has a grandchild to contend with.

    She sounds old enough to know the facts that she is asking about-consider yourself priveledged to be asked by her...

    Cheers.
    KISS's Avatar
    KISS Posts: 12,510, Reputation: 839
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    #11

    Aug 19, 2007, 11:13 PM
    Many years ago I had a concise scientific view of sexuality in 4th or 5th grade. Boys were separated from the girls during this class. We could not keep the materials. I still have a copy somewhere. Then in 9th grade we got it again.

    In college I took a "Foundations of Human Sexuality" course and all hell broke loose. We had a protestant minister, a catholic priest and a Jewish Rabbi come in and we could ask any questions. In our lab they passed out a bag of goodies and you were to pick one randomly out of the bag and then tell the class about it. There were IUD's, cervical cups, condoms, vibrators, You name it. One memorable session was when the guys could ask the girls any question they wanted.

    Learned about the continum of sexual preference and what can go wrong to create hermaphordites and female appearance with male sex organs etc. A really cool course.

    I never took a course that formally discussed hand jobs or the art of fellatio or fetishes, bondage and kinky behavior. Learned about these on my own via movies, books and even the internet. I could point to a site that has lots of "How to" stuff on it. Learned about the kinds and types of orgasms that women can have. They are not all the same. Learned that women can be trained to " on command" and I experienced that. All I would say is " for me" and each time resulted in an orgasm. Really cool.

    When I was 15: french kissing, felatio, kissing, licking, feeling, fingering, hand jobs. No intercourse was my rule. I wasn't able to get protection. AIDS didn't exist. I didn't know what kinky was.

    There is a lot to learn.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #12

    Aug 20, 2007, 12:32 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ErickaH
    I have a niece that is 15 and wants to know alot about sex and I dont want to tell her anything *L* she dont want to go to my sister and at times i ask my niece if I can get back with her and go ask my sister what she wants me to let my niece to know i told her what my sister asked me to tell her that sex is best after marriage and things like that but my niece wants to know what a blow job is and hand job.. and everything else I told her to ask her friends and they come and ask me things, my problem is my sisters told me about sex so i can understand why she dont want to ask her mom I asked her if she could come back to me when shes 18 cause I feel bad talking to her about that stuff I think shes to young but I was that age when my sisters talk to me about this stuff am I right or wrong??:confused:
    I like most of the ideas in the responses that I have read. But, I do want to emphasize something that has already been mentioned in a way. And, that is, if you or someone you trust doesn't tell her what she wants to know, then she is going to find it out on her own. And, the information that she gets may not be incorrect. As hard as it might be discussing this stuff with her, it's better that she hears it from family or a very reliable source. It's better to be safe then sorry later, because she got the wrong information.
    margarita_momma's Avatar
    margarita_momma Posts: 299, Reputation: 46
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    #13

    Aug 20, 2007, 06:42 AM
    Okay, I believe if she is asking you about it, she is thinking about it a lot. My advice would be to talk to her. Explain the basics of it the best you can but make sure to go over the issues of STD's and pregnancy with her. Be sure to tell her that STD's can be passed through blow jobs and other oral. A lot of teens don't think you can get an STD from just fooling around.

    *MOST IMPORTANT*

    Also, make sure to ask her if she is thinking of having sex. A lot of the time teen girls will tell you no and will give you the whole morals story. Tell her if she ends up wanting to have sex, that you or her mother will take her to get on birth control. If you tell her to not have sex, more than likely she will go out and do it anyway. It is better to be safe than to have a pregnant 15 year old walking around. Even if she isn't having sex, birth control will also help with acne issues, regulating her cycle, and helping with her teenage hormones. Good Luck! :)
    LADY_LUV's Avatar
    LADY_LUV Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Aug 20, 2007, 08:41 AM
    Yea I Think You Should Talk To Her Or Ask Her Mom To Talk To Her Before She Gets Tired Of Asking And Go And Experiment
    ilu's Avatar
    ilu Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Aug 22, 2007, 02:11 AM
    I see sex as one of the joys in life, and got curious about it when I was about your nieces' age. What my parents did was put a book on sex education on the bookshelf, they knew I was going to find it myself and I sure did! But also I personally think there is nothing wrong with talking about sex. Whatever she wants to know, she just wants to know. Often young people get the idea that sex is something 'not allowed', and what is more appealing then stuff that is not allowed? Even I, 30 years old, LOVE stuff that is not allowed. A very tricky thing in human behaviour.
    So when you turn it into something that naturally exists when two people fall in love with each other, and discuss the different stages it can have and that you can postpone some parts of it while letting other parts exist, and obviously as other members remarked make sure you know your stuff on safe sex (STD's and pregnancy), I am sure it will be a memorable conversation.

    Good luck!
    statictable's Avatar
    statictable Posts: 436, Reputation: 34
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    #16

    Aug 22, 2007, 09:44 AM
    Best to stay clear of direct one on one discussions due to age and your gender. Times have changed as we know and she best direct her questions not to 14 year old friends but to female adults whom she respects. Your question was very smart and timely. Good luck.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #17

    Aug 22, 2007, 10:23 AM
    I would tell the other kids to seek help from their parents - but we all know that's not going to happen.

    I would also tell the sister to talk to her child and does she realize that we are in the 21st Century. If she does not talk to her daughter or let you do it, she will lose out on the close relationship mothers and daughters should have. Her daughter could also come home with worse than just knowledge off the street. Stress the importance of HIV and STDs to her. Suggest she find a teen-oriented site on the internet and look at it with her daughter, explaining things.

    Check this link and show it to your sister, maybe this will help her when she sees that all kids will search for answers when they have questions.

    Teens | sexualityandu.ca - Your Link to Sexual Well-Being

    Also, just because she wants to know things, does not mean she wants to do things.. Obviously she heard it somewhere - therefore will need answers.

    Good luck.
    There are a lot of 15 year old mothers out there that found out the wrong way...
    kitty-kat19's Avatar
    kitty-kat19 Posts: 52, Reputation: 3
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    #18

    Aug 22, 2007, 08:17 PM
    I think you should tell her... I would also include some of the consequences that would happen if she's considering any of that... it sounds bad... but I think it would be better if she heard the 'facts of life' from you than any of her friends... especially with all these myths kids come up with that way you know what she's hearing is right... your sister may be uncomfortable but I think she would much rather have her daughter learning about sex from someone she knew would give her acuarate facts than a bunch of teenagers... I think its better that your niece be informed with the right information... than a bunch of myths and stuff...
    cpalmist's Avatar
    cpalmist Posts: 137, Reputation: 32
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    #19

    Aug 22, 2007, 09:03 PM
    Tell her and tell her now! Was just in a Mediation class with a middle school counselor that was telling us of surprising kids in the stairwells having sex!

    Be complimented she's asking you as mother-daughters get into that stupid competitive thing that they do so you can be more neutral for her.
    wtfury's Avatar
    wtfury Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Aug 22, 2007, 09:45 PM
    Keep the dialogue open with her. She's 15 and hasn't been told? My wife and I raised 3 kids and we always kept an open mind to anything they'd ask. A lot of parents don't talk to their kids at all and they find out the "hard" way about sex, drugs, drinking, etc...
    I was one of those kids who had to find out things the hard way... PLEASE, don't let her find out these things like I did. Talk to her, openly and honestly.
    On a good note... I am extremely proud of my three kids and the adults they are.

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