Sad I know.

Here's my story. I am a sexually active 27 year old female and I love having sex. I have been with many partners, all with their own... ummm... unique style. Still I have not achieved orgasm.

I am also unable to climax on my own. I masturbate often, and I am able to make myself feel wonderful, but never to the point of a release.

When I feel that I might be "close" it gets far too intense, and moves from feeling great to really uncomfortable very quickly.

I am a scorpio, love having sex, love touching myself, love porn. I know what you're thinking. I'm the perfect woman ;)

I have never been abused, I was raised Catholic but I have no issues with that and I am very comfortable with my body. (Just trying to put the usual suspects to rest)

I enjoy sex so this is not a huge problem for me, BUT, as a person who likes to think of themselves as a very sexual being I would love to experience the feeling of orgasm.

Any advice would be much appreciated. :)

After reading your post, I got the feeling that you:

1. have no *passion* generated inside your mind sending you over the edge.
2. you haven't learned anything over the last 6-7 years... remember learning about sex is not just positive learning but learning from negative experiences.
3. sex is impersonal and mechanical; part of your self-image but not emotionally "real".

Why not go to a good therapist so you can explore your deeper feelings about intimacy, sex and whatever is pertinent in you case?


Best wishes in 2008,

Take breaks. When you're masturbating, stop and start. Constant motion can dull sensation or make it too intense. The clitoris can be too sensitive in many women. It has all the nerve endings of a penis, but condensed into a smaller space. Tease, don't grind.

I have never been with a guy who understood stop and start until he was shown. Many women orgasm more quickly this way.

simoneaugie, tried to rate your post w an agree but I have to spread the love before the system will let me rate you. And the "glans" of the clitoris actually has twice the number of nerves as the penis.

And training yourself with slowing and starting again is a good suggestion. Also, the point about needing to help a man understand what you need (which first mean you need to figure it out) is bang on right.

And, as mentioned, you can do all you want physically, but if your mental state isn't right, you might not get there. This doesn't mean you need to want to orgasm... it means you also need to be properly sensitized, physically and mentally.

For ex, my partner responds better to sex if I spend 20 minutes on her massaging her body and building sexual tension with sensual touch. This is just one thing... she responds better after a hot shower, she responds better in the morning, a glass of wine can help her relax, but isn't needed, she responds best to intercourse with oral first, but when receiving oral, going at the cl!toris too fast is a huge mistake. Better to stim other regions until she's all but pulling me there. For ex, the sides of the inner labia can respond very well to oral stimulation, as can the perinium and fourchette.

So... add up enough of the "right" things and it can make a difference.

And order of stims can also make a difference. My partner doesn't care a lot for breast play at first by me (what a guy would normally want to do), but later it can be a great way to push her up a notch... just as I love stim at my ears and neck but ask my partner to hold this back until later... by using a combination of different stims at different regions, it keeps you "off balance" a bit and keeps things new.

Also, it might sound like a pain to do... but don't neglect talking to a counselor who specializes in anorgasmia. They will review your experiences and help come up with plans for tackling any mental blocks and plans for training yourself physically to hit that orgasm.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I would like to say that I have a great deal of *passion* in my relationship, as well as my sex life. The main problem I have is that I feel that if I place too much pressure on myself or my partner then I lose all enjoyment.

My boyfriend is wonderful and does not put pressure on me, however in the past. After being in a relationship for a while it becomes my partners "mission", to make me come, which obviously is not going to work.

simoneaugie and kp2171 Thank you for the positive advice, I have a lot of new things to try.

Choux I also appreciate your comment, however I believe that there are better ways to word things so that they do not sound like a personal attack. Your comments made me feel as though I come across as an unemotional sex robot. Just because I cannot come does not mean that I am "broken" in some way. I am sure that it was unintended. I think I will try to explore some options on my own before I look into therapy.

Thanks to everyone. :) This is a fantastic forum, and is full of knowledgeable people.

Sorry you felt like I was attacking you... I am a person who speaks in a direct manner, and unfortunately, not many women are used to that kind of communication. I was in the business world for many years, and I speak directly and truthfully as a matter of habit; I value people who do the same. In person, I am seen as very sincere and honest, caring and nice. Apparently, that doesn't come across in the world of typing answers to strangers. There's nothing I can do about that.

Hope you can make your sex life into the pleasure that you deserve, that all women deserve. :)

Kindest regards,

You sound like you are OK physically but just haven't "hit the mark" yet. Keep trying different things, talk to your gynocologist, read self help ooks but try not to obsess over it . It will happen for you when it's right.

I want to say to choux I don't know what career you work in, but you need to work on your personal skills. I work for an obgyn and there is a syndrome where women cannot climax during any kind of foreplay, or insertion. There are drugs out there now that you can talk to your gyn to about increasing sensitivity and you and your partner reaching that goal. I do not have the syndrome as where I need a prescrition, but fyi for women out there sometimes, if you are adventourous, sex shops, especially newer ones, have a gel that extremely stimulizes. Girls I am 24, I am not old, and I go through this problem.. no this is not a one time lover ( choux if you come back with this).. been active since 17.. I am married and I am saying this as a married woman to not ignore this syndrome.. it can kill your sex life- ladies do what you can because men think that they are doing what they need to do.. ask your gyn.. OR go to a sex shop.. the gel is worth it..