Hi, I'm a 20 year old male, and I have the greatest friend I could ever ask for. We talked about having sex before, but we're both afraid it will ruin our friendship..

We've known each other for about 2 years, and about half a year ago, we started a "friends with benefits" relationship. One day we were at her house, just hanging out like we always do, when we start kissing, and I mean, intensely. But we keep going, and eventually we both are just wearing underwear, and all of the sudden, I can't keep my erection. So we stopped. I felt TERRIBLE! It has never happened to me before, but we both agreed I must have been nervous about the friendship thing. So we just went back to being friends for about a month.

Now, she starts dating this guy shortly after, who lives on the other side of the country in Washington (state). They know each other because he's her next door neighbor, and they grew up together. He's in the military, so he's stationed over there. They weren't really a couple yet, so she and I would still had our "benefits."

Another night we get down to making out again, probably the most intense of all. But this time, she tells me "I don't want you to think I'm using you for sex. I love you so much, but I think I'm going to end up dating (Joe), and I don't want to hurt you." So she ended it that time.

Long story short, he comes to visit during Christmas, and they end up having sex, and are a couple now. I'm somewhat upset about it, because he lives 3000 miles away, and they talk on the phone every single day, and I guess I'm a little jealous. Plus I always thought long distance relationships were pointless.

But she confessed to me the other day that she still wants me to have sex with her, and that if it ever starts to happen, that she won't stop it. I'm fine with this, I am just afraid I will get attached to her if we do it. Plus she has a boyfriend, and I will feel a little guilty.

She cares about me a lot, and I care about her. So I really don't think she is using me in anyway. She told me she wants us to at least "finish what we've started so many times." Just so there's no curiosity between us, and we can always say we've done it.

We were on her couch watching a movie, and spooning the other night, and I wanted to just KISS her so bad. It's been like 3 months since we've kissed. I thought she would get mad because she has a boyfriend if I did. But she confessed later that she was trying really hard not to kiss me.

But I'm just not sure if I should have sex with her if it starts leading to it again. I'm VERY attracted to her, and her to me. I just think this would have worked better if we did it before she got a boyfriend.

Any suggestions?:confused:

This is a pretty touchy subject, but ima try to give some advice... though it may not be the best.

First off, there's no doubt that she really values you as a friend, but it seems that you want more, and I think you've crossed a threshold where your feelings for her intimately and your feelings for as a platonic friend have meshed together.

I think you need to take a step back from all this, and really analyze what you want from this girl. Is it just that you want to have sex with her? Is it just pure intimacy you want from her? Or do you want a relationship? Think about what YOU want out of this, try not to think about what she is thinking...

So I would suggest you back off for awhile, not only does she have a boyfriend, but if she really wants you, she may use this opportunity to seek you out, and if she does, that's when you ask he what she wants from you. Does she really just want you for sex? Or does she want a relationship?

On a side note, spooning on the couch with a girl with a boyfriend--not good stuff. If I were her boyfriend I would be pissed at her... so maybe its for the best that you back off, if you really love her and care about her then you'll be happy for her if she is happy with her guy. After all, she never really was yours, so you shouldn't act like she was.


Although, I could take a different route with this info... I could say that she is a tease, she is confused, she is playing with your head... etc... but my advice would be the same, back off. Let this confused girl figure out what she wants, and at the same time you'll figure out what you want. Granted this could take awhile, but you need to try to take your emotions out of your decision making... you know you love her, but how do you love her? As a friend? Or as someone you want more from? And is that more you want just sex or not?

I love her as a friend. I can't see me and her as a couple, but I feel like she's trying to tell me she made a mistake for getting a boyfriend with so much sexual tension between us. But she still wants to stay with him. I really don't think she would play with my head like that. I think she's probably confused.

But I think I want nothing more than just sex with my best friend. Just to say we did it I guess. I'm sure that's how she feels too.

Do you mean back off sexually, or back off hanging out with her so much? Or both?

I would say both. Wanting sex from your best friend just doesn't seem healthy. Just back off for awhile, be unavailable for awhile, if she asks, just be honest with her. Tell her that's its kind of difficult to be around her without wanting to be intimate, and you want to respect her and her relationship with her BF.

It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't out of the blue said to me that she wanted to have sex with me. So it's not just me here. But I will just ignore it I suppose, and when we hang out in the future, I'll just be her friend and just enjoy her company. Thank you very much for your advice! :)

Long term, she's not a catch. If she will cheat on her new boyfriend with you, she will cheat on you if you were the boyfriend.

If you are sure your feelings won't change, drink the milk, just don't buy the cow. But remember, if there is karma, what goes around.. .

If you have to write 10 paragraphs pondering whether it is the right thing for you.......it isn't.


You are not mentally ready for that.

Leave it be for now.

I think it would be best for both of you to not have sex. If you and she both feel that you wouldn't end up together as a couple, it's better to steer clear of it, especially since she has a boyfriend. Maybe it is just sexual tension from the two of you being together a lot. Perhaps it would help to try to limit time for a while until the sexual tension cools down, or maybe invite another person over so you two won't be tempted.

Chances are if you guys have sex, at least one of you will come to feel some emotional attachment over time, and that could destroy your friendship. Sex changes things big time. Plus she has a boyfriend. If she really feels that she needs sexual intimacy, encourage her to date someone who lives close to her who can be there for her more often then her current boyfriend.

Just my opinion. :)

Your just going to get hurt man if you go for her. Think about it she is seeing someone and she kisses you. Your probable going to fall for her. It seems like your really into her anyway if your on this site.

No sex. Leave her alone dude I know its tempting but only hurt will come of this

Regards

Can we call this what it is, and that's just sex, and you are helping her cheat on him. The complications that sex has brought to you both, is unhealthy and blurrs all the lines of a healthy friendship, and also complicates the feelings between you both. Let it go friend, as it gets deeper, and more complicated, the longer you carry on this affair, and will complicate any other relationship, you both try to have, and that's not healthy.

Yea it is not good if that's reverse you're her boyfriend and that boyfriend is you? How you feel if someone kissing your girlfriend you probably went bullistic... is that a word or my grammar is wrong lol anyway just get another girl to date with that is single... I don't know I'm making this advice and I'm annoyed with my husband here...