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    tirednhurt86's Avatar
    tirednhurt86 Posts: 56, Reputation: 16
    Junior Member

    Aug 15, 2006, 05:09 PM
    Scared to get tested
    I just got out of a 2 year relationship like 4 months ago. I only had, had sex with my ex who I loved very much. I'm 19 by the way. We had sex when I was 17 and he was almost 5 yrs older than me and we had it continuously through the 2 years we were together. We were always safe and cautious. With him the sex was good and we loved each other so it was always safe and comfortable. Since I have been single I have been dating a bit- I'm not ready for a new relationship just yet but dating has been all right and I have met some nice guys. The thing is on all the dates I went on we didn't do more than a little kissing and maybe a little touching. However, I met this guy through my friend and through my job, he's 24 and I really liked him. We hung out like maybe twice and talked online a bit. He's a dj at clubs and he seemed like a great guy. I believe in waiting to have sex until I love someone and I always have followed that. Well I hung out with him at his apartment the other night and we ended up messing around and kissing... I was OK with it all until he just slipped himself inside me. I was like ummm do you have a condom on? And he's like no... and I'm like omg stop! And he was like its OK I had a vasectomy ( he has 2 other little children that he doesn't live with and sees once in a while) I was just like "but i still dont feel comfortable" and he's like its OK and he said "should i stop" and I stupidly said just pull out before you climax. So he was in me a very very short time like 5 minutes then pulled out and climaxed ( not anywhere near me). I always, always said I wouldn't have sex until I love someone, and I would never ever have sex without a condom. Not even because I don't want to get pregnant but I am terrified of getting an std or worse. He has 2 kids already so now I'm panicking. Was the vasectomy thing a line ( now after I kind of feel very dumb for believeing that if it is a line and it seems like it might be)... im really scared to get tested. What should I do now?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646

    Aug 15, 2006, 05:17 PM
    I am sorry this happened to you. I don't know if it was a line. Only he knows that. It is just like some women who really want sex without a condom say they are on the pill. Hard to tell if this was the truth or not, and I don't like to speculate.

    That being said, there is really nothing you can do now but wait for your period. You can try to talk to him and tell him your concerns, it is always worth a try. But as far as getting tested, there is not much you can do this early.

    He did not climax inside you, but that is not a method of birth control anyway. You likely are not pregnant, so try not to worry for now as that will surely mess up your period and make you worry more.
    educatedhorse_2005's Avatar
    educatedhorse_2005 Posts: 500, Reputation: 78
    Senior Member

    Aug 15, 2006, 05:53 PM
    I would worry more about std's then being preganant.

    You should have made him stop when you first told him to.
    He took liberty's with you he should not have.

    If you don't want to have sex with a guy then don't let him go below the waste.
    LUNAGODDESS's Avatar
    LUNAGODDESS Posts: 467, Reputation: 40
    Full Member

    Aug 15, 2006, 06:34 PM
    Let me write something about his guy you are with... he is looking for drama …he is not into a permanent relationship... point -he has not seen his children on a daily basis end of point... sorry for the corny response here... He is insecure and looking for some one to fill the void he had created for himself... he needs a freak... a child like mind to follow and support him in issues that are pitiful and dramatic to most... check yourself…go to doctor... treat yourself better.. For, he is not looking for a serious relationship... just a bump and grind moment... You are not stupid or a bad girl…you are young and inexperienced...
    confused25's Avatar
    confused25 Posts: 319, Reputation: 98
    Full Member

    Aug 15, 2006, 07:14 PM
    I know your scared, but I really think you should go get tested. If you don't you will never stop worrying.

    On top of that, you should leave this guy immediately. Come on, don't you see the red flags!? He is only 24 years old and he already has 2 kids, which he doesn't see very often. Also, after you asked him to stop all he did was come up with an excuse because he wanted to keep going. If he really cared about you he would have pulled out the moment you told him too. If you continue to see this guy you are only inviting a lot of problems and drama into your life.

    Finally, don't ever let any guy intimidate you. If you feel uncomfortable tell him to stop without any hesitation. Don't let him continue just because you want to make him happy, you don't want to get him angry, or for any other reason. It's your body so you make the rules. If anybody disagrees with you, tell them to go to h***.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7692

    Aug 15, 2006, 07:32 PM
    Can you say the words, you said no and he did not stop, So he had no concern over what you wanted or felt,

    Next if women are planning on sex they should also carry a condom with them, don't always expect a man to have them.

    And now for the one thing, let me see you were just kissing and he "sliped it inside of you before you knew it"
    Well you both have to be naked and in some position to have sex, sorry but that says I want to have sex, so if you don't want to, don't be in that position to start with.

    And there are a lot of worst things to worry about from a relationship and you need to be tested for several things.

    Next if you are, you are, and not getting a test won't take it away
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Aug 15, 2006, 07:37 PM
    Get tested and leave this bum alone. If he was thinking about you at all he had a condom. He had his ride so be through with him. He doesn't care.
    letmetellu's Avatar
    letmetellu Posts: 3,151, Reputation: 317
    Ultra Member

    Aug 15, 2006, 09:36 PM
    There is a good chance that you are not pregnant, where were you in your cycle?. I don't condem you for what you did. After a young girl has had the pelasure of having sex like you did for so long with your BF it is very easy for you to be turned on and want to have sex just as much as the guy does. There is a few problems with that that he does not worry about . He does not worry about you getting pregnant, and if he is deasesed then he does not care who he infects. Those are your worrys. So always be prepared and also be demanding anytime that you are going to go with someone.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646

    Aug 16, 2006, 06:01 AM
    I am glad others brought this up cause I was not thinking straight. Yes, get tested for STDs, very important. This man violated you. However, pregnancy, really can't tell that one yet. You have to have a missed period first.
    Myth's Avatar
    Myth Posts: 897, Reputation: 147
    Senior Member

    Aug 16, 2006, 06:33 AM
    Hun go get tested for everything under the sun... I would, I would be scared out of my mind too. If he had had a vasectomy then why would he have had to pull out and not make a case for himself. He lied. He's a dj too, so how many girls do you think he's put that line to? He's too young to have had a vasectomy in any case. Go get tested asap. At least then you know for sure and you won't worry yourself into skipping a period and be stressed about it. Not to mention some std's can make you sterile if you don't catch them in time. Let us know how it goes.
    poesia's Avatar
    poesia Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 18, 2006, 05:36 PM
    I had something very similar happen to me, but immediately went and got the morning after pill the next day. I felt so much better after I took it, but still stressed a bit till I got my period. Since he pulled out, it's very unlikely that you are pregnant, but I totally understand how stressed you are. Don't feel bad about what happened. In the moment, it just feels right, so we go with it. Everything should be taken as a learning experience. I don't regret the things I do, I just take them as something to help me grow and give me more confidence in future decisions. I would recommend that you get on the pill, just in case something like this happens again in the future. And definitely get an std test. Try not to stress though, it'll only make you go crazy!

    And just a little side note...
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
    And now for the one thing, let me see you were just kissing and he "sliped it inside of you before you knew it"
    well you both have to be naked and in some position to have sex, sorry but that says I want to have sex, so if you don't want to, don't be in that position to start with.
    That's not true at all. You'd be surprised how easy it is for guys to pull the old switcheroo... one second he's fingering you and the next thing you know you're having sex. Just because a girl is willing have a heavy makeout session, it does NOT mean she's automatically willing to go all the way.
    mysticque's Avatar
    mysticque Posts: 95, Reputation: -7

    Sep 13, 2006, 11:11 PM
    I agree with most of you here. Unsafe sex is definitely not an option. I've done it with a few men I trusted. But with random person I think you should take immediate action. Although I've done same thing and not taken action. You do get scared especially if you have only dated the guy within a week. One more thing. Does anyone know when you should ask for CD4/T-Cell test count. I'm so scared to ask my doctor despite I've told her that I'm sexually active. But I want to know my immunity level.
    puppetkicks's Avatar
    puppetkicks Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Nov 2, 2006, 01:25 AM
    Every woman should know that you can get pregnant from pre ejackulation even if the guy pulls out.

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